Dreamer in vivo
by agile-beast
Summary: It's hard to fit in when you take the bus to uni where everyone else has private chauffeurs. How will she make young billionaires see she is one of them? And how will she make famous Chuck Bass see she is not? Blair is poor, adopted and very much ashamed. But nobody knows that, nobody needs to know she is poor. How long can she keep up the lies until they drown everything?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hey there!

First, it's **important** that you know I started writing this when I was very inexperienced and it takes several chapters to get to the good stuff. My writing is like wine, the older the better and I won't blame you if you think characters are bit ooc. I focused on character growth and you can see later the shift between Chuck and Blair.

The fic is going to make you laugh, it's going to make you giddy, but most importantly, it's going to make you cringe and scream into pillow. Here is the first chapter, an introduction to our heroine's life. So to summarize, Blair is poor, eager to save herself and parents by education, as she was raised in conservative over-protective, bit patriarchal environment. She goes to elite private university surrounded with rich people, drawing attention from Chuck, favorite playboy, also commonly known as Prince of Darkness because night life has his name tattooed on it's ass. Chuck thinks she is something that she is actually not. Blair is leading a double life and it just might cost her most precious things, maybe even love.

**Chapter One**

**All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter**

She was sitting in a boudoir. A whole room just for make up and pampering yourself. Was it for Sunday brunch at Plaza with your best friends or for a romantic evening in one of the fancy restaurants, it didn't matter. Everything was set on large carved table; various expensive perfumes, make up, make up brushes and every other item a teenage girl could wish for. Blair picked up a bottle of golden liquid, labeled Chanel no. 5. Of all Mrs. Spark's aroma collection, this was by far her favorite. She took a sneaky peek at her mother. Blair saw her through cracked door, fluffing the pillows in the bedroom. She gingerly opened the bottle, trying hard not to make a sound and pressed few drops on her neck. It smelled like a dream. A vivid exciting dream, full of life and extravagance. After inhaling it deeply, she sighed sadly at her reflection in the mirror. How off did she look in this room. Whole apartment was bathed in luxury, with white drapes, white printed walls and pristine furniture with even more pristine ornaments. A vase of hydrangeas sat on nearby coffee table, it's colors and beauty highly contrasting Blair's clothes.

She was dressed in plainest clothes there were on Manhattan. Boring white shirt and boring jeans with awfully boring shoes. To add insult on everything, they were someone else's old rejected clothes. Her mother walked in just as she was looking through big window. It was Saturday morning and Central Park looked magical.

''You've been touching Mrs. Spark's fancy stuff again?'' she said, sniffing the luring scent in the air. ''Is this about tomorrow? Are you nervous?''

Her mother set the mop aside, but her face was more amused than stern. She wasn't Blair's mother. Though if anyone asked Blair, there would be no doubt about it. Mrs Smith was a gentle, but strong woman who was unable to have children of her own. Against her husband's wishes she adopted not only Blair, but hot-tempered Dan as well because she thought one precious wasn't enough. Even though none of them had any blood relation, Jane adored them so much she persuaded everyone to think of them and talk about them as twins. And as twins they loved each other and more recently they fought each other.

''I love this view'' Blair simply said, her eyes glued to the outside world.

''Yes'' Jane confirmed nodding, grabbing the mop back and cleaning the nearby shelf. ''I like looking at world from above too.''

''No, no... I like seeing the sky'' her daughter explained longingly. Their thoughts lingered on little basement they had, their only view was of other people's feet and street trash. ''The sky and the trees. Nothing is gray here.''

Jane's eyes flew towards the window too, but she restrained herself, sensing some old feelings starting to flutter in her chest. She started vigorously scrubbing the invisible stain.''You don't need this. You don't need make up or expensive clothes to be beautiful. You already are.''

Blair's smile was forced. Her skin was pale, not tan like other girl's when they returned from Ibiza or St. Barts. She couldn't even afford a ray of sunlight, let alone a good bronzer or trip to solarium. Her hair was completely ordinary; brown with slight bouncy curls, long overdue for good trimming. There was nothing in there to recommend her.

She could feel familiar anger and resentment ready to boil when a doorbell interrupted them.

As if it was Christmas morning, Blair's eyes lit up with joy. ''They are here!''

Her mother rolled her eyes and quickly got up to collect her cleaning products. She muttered something under her breath and set the perfume back on it's place.

Blair ran to the door and opened it wide. There she was, her childhood friend, tired with journey and most probably annoyed with her step-mother, who was heard behind yelling at phone in her hands.

''Georgina!'' Blair exclaimed happily, enveloping her arms around irritated friend. As usual, she broke it off too quickly, but Blair wasn't fazed at all. She had been eagerly waiting a whole week for them to return from vacation in Europe. Georgina walked past, huffing about jet-lag. She greeted Jane and started telling all about the trip. Her step-mother, Diana, followed behind. Blair grew up with these people and everyone in her family knew she slightly worshiped them. How could she not? They had everything and were willing to share. They always gave old Georgina's clothes to her and things she wanted to throw because she got bored of it. Majority of her broken childhood toys ended up in Blair's bed. Father was always angry about it, saying how her bed could barely fit her, let alone dozen other broken dolls. Blair's tears were the only reason they stayed there.

Diana walked past them, a scowl on her face. ''Are you done?''

''Yes'' Jane answered, grabbing Blair's elbow to lead her away. There was one more apartment left to clean.

''No'' Diana interrupted, ''let her stay. I need help with unpacking.'' Jane's lip thinned. Unlike Blair, she detested the whole Sparks family, seeing through their masquerade of charity. They were proud, patronizing snobs and she'd be damn if she let them use her daughter. It was one thing to ask your daughter to help out sometimes, but Jane had other plans for Blair. She'd be no cleaner, no servant. She was smart and beautiful and good. Jane Smith was no fool and she recognized well Blair's ambition. She didn't laugh it off or tried to stomp on it. No, Jane Smith set big plans for her girl. Smile plastered on, she lied ''No, I need her home for something.''

''Oh, but Jane'' Georgina wailed from her bedroom. ''I have to show Blair all the stuff I bought! We need to talk! Come here, B!''

''Mom, please'' her daughter begged, making a pout face she knew it was her weakness. She would rather be hearing all about the Europe than cleaning someone else's home. Jane reluctantly nodded and in that moment entered Dan, struggling to carry three suitcases. He glared around where to set them and Diana boredly waved towards living room. His mother helped him on as Blair scurried away into Georgina's bedroom.

She helped her unpack, admiring all the beautiful fabrics and jewelry, listening to every perfect detail of the vacation. Diana walked in and lazily commented, ''Georgina darling, your closet is full.''

''Well, yeah'' her step-daughter snapped. ''If I got closet room like I wanted, this wouldn't be an issue now.''

''Take this'' Diana seized random majority of clothes in it and flung it on the bed, ignoring her words completely. ''And throw it away. This is for you, Blair. I've got you a little something in Rome.''

In lap of shocked Blair fell a necklace in plastic bag. She blushed heavily, not having time to thank her since Diana left immediately. It was odd looking, with uneven green beads on tiny silver chain. _It must be what rich people in Rome wear these days_, she thought. _What a wonder that she remembered, too!_

Before vacation, Blair talked to Sparks family about her desire to travel and explore new cities, especially mentioning Rome. She half-hoped they would invite her along, counting on their loaded bank account and long friendship. Maybe they didn't invite her, but this necklace was more than enough. She quickly put it on, fingering the shiny beads.

''I can't stand her'' Georgina seethed as they were left alone. ''She always buys me things she knows I wouldn't wear.''

Blair eyes the pile of colorful robes on the bed enviously. They were beautiful. She probably couldn't even afford a pin in shops like these. Georgina noticed her interest. ''If you like any, you can just take it. It would end up in junk anyway.''

''Thanks'' Blair replied gratefully, trying to hide the wave of glee that took over her. ''So, are you ready for tomorrow?''

''Yes'' Georgina said haughtily, sinking in her chair as Blair set her dresses on a rack. ''I'm definitely in. Father will be so proud. Constance Billard, here I come. ''

Tomorrow was the day results of college applications arrived. They both applied to famous private university, Constance Billard. It was known for almost flawless class program and secure high-paid job after graduation. Whole Manhattan elite attended and only top students. Blair was aiming for scholarship. Her nose was buried in books ever since she could read. There were dreams in her head that the rest of the family could barely comprehend. Yes, sure, her father was a concierge and her mother private cleaner. Her life was difficult but it didn't mean her goals were impossible. She had to use Georgina's computer to check the results since she didn't have one.

''Oh, you're applying too, right?'' Georgina asked, a hint of a mocking smile on her lips. Blair nodded. ''I'd say good luck, but you'll need more than that. Try not to drench my laptop in your tears tomorrow.''

''I'm hoping for the best. I did work hard'' Blair countered back, slightly put off by her friend's attitude sometimes. They were both well aware of their social differences, but Georgina was here to remind her if she ever forgot.

''My dad hired only the best professors and help. I've been trained by first-grade doctors, advised by first-grade lawyers and tutored by first-grade engineers. It's what it takes. Boy, he will go crazy when he hears I got in. I'm gonna make him proud. Too bad he had to stay in Europe...'' And on did Georgina rant, focusing especially on disgust towards Diana.

Since 8 am, Blair patiently waited by the telephone, anticipating the moment she'll be summoned upstairs to Sparks floor. It was slightly later than she usually woke, but it was Sunday. Her parents let her sleep in on Sunday. Mother cleaned the little flat they had, trying to get her to eat something. She was too nervous, but gratefully accepted cup of tea. Finally, around 11 am, phone rang. On the other line, sleepy voice of Georgina bid her to come upstairs.

''Good morning.''

''Shh'' her friend said immediately, her robe stained with coffee. ''Mom is asleep. Let's go to my room.''

Georgina yawned and talked and talked, lighting a cigar. Her hair was a mess and she still had yesterday's make up on.

''Can we see it?'' Blair asked impatiently after a while, her hands trembling. She couldn't focus on the conversation when all she could think about were the results.

''God'' Georgina rolled her eyes. ''You're even more excited than I am. Let's see yours first.''

They turned on computer. Blair suddenly felt hot and the next moment cold and so on. Her heart raced like crazy. Georgina typed in needed information and they waited a moment for it to load. That moment felt like eternity.

''Oh, my god'' Blair said, her eyes wide.''I'm in!''

She squealed and jumped in glee, hugging her friend. They laughed together, not bothering to keep their voices down, waking up Diana. She stormed into the room, securing her robe.

''What's this noise?''

''Blair got into Constance!''

Diana's face was more disbelieving than impressed. Her congratulations were stiff and strained. ''What about you, Georgie?''

Georgie was now hopeful. Her eyes shone brightly, not doubting her acceptance. She typed in and after few moments her face fell.

''Georgina?'' Blair asked at her silence.

''I didn't get in.''Her face was still impassive, staring blankly at the screen. Georgina kept repeating that sentence over and over again. Blair got the urge to hug her, but Diana's words interrupted her.

''Blair, I'm sure your family is waiting downstairs to hear happy news. Goodbye.''

Blair nodded and walked away. She closed the doors of the room behind, and went through hall to exit doors. In midway, she heard frantic voice of Diana.

''HOW COULD YOU NOT GET IN? AFTER ALL THE EFFORT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH, AFTER BEST HELP IN NEW YORK, AFTER SPENDING SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY''

''AND CONCIERGE'S DAUGHTER GETS IN. IMAGINE THAT ABSURDITY, CONCIERGE'S DAUGHTER GOT IN AND YOU DIDN'T. DO YOU NOT SEE HOW EMBARRASSING THAT IS?''

Blair didn't realize her eyes were brimming with tears. She quickly walked out of the apartment and went home straight into her room. The living room was full of family, eagerly waiting for big news. Dan laughed at her tears, obviously thinking she didn't get in Constance Billard. She ran through the questions and gasps at her tears, flinging herself on tiny bed and punching the pillow with tiny fists. Someone knocked and entered. She sobbed so hard she couldn't talk. It was her mother. Jane knew her daughter. She didn't press the matter but rather let Blair's temper subside.

''Honey'' she said gently, setting down a stack of worn magazines. ''I've brought you magazines from Shapiro apartment. You know they always cheer you up.''

Blair suddenly straightened her back and shot a glare towards her mother, bellowing ''I'm not concierge's daughter! I'm not cleaner's daughter! I'm _me_! I'm Blair! I'm Blair!''

She angrily wiped her eyes with back of hand and they caught attention of one of the teen magazines. It was dated to this month with picture of the necklace Diana gave her and sign under: This issue's free gift!

_A free gift? From a magazine?_

She was angry, frustrated and ashamed. It was stupid of her to think Sparks as her family. What a moron she was, they would never think of her as anything but concierge's daughter. Those thoughts only triggered more hot tears. Blair gave a hard pull to necklace, ignoring the pain in the back of her neck. It broke into pieces, beads falling on her floor among all broken toys Georgina didn't want.


	2. Barely Legal

**A/N**: Sorry! I was so eager to write this fic last night that I missed some spelling mistakes. It was 1 am, I was tired yet excited. Now it's the same scenario. I wrote the first chapter in a breath and I plan to update at least once a day until Saturday. PLAN to. I'll be going to holidays then and returning somewhere after New Year's Eve. I don't know if I'll be able to update in the meantime. Let me just say how terribly horrified I am to see this fandom dying )):

I hope you like this one! R&amp;R!

**Chapter Two**

**Barely Legal**

University grounds were fairly large for Manhattan standard. The building was modern with archaic elements: brown brick wall, arches supporting the many building entrances and numerous stone steps. Except that, it was bright inside and spacious. The grounds stretched into small lawn around, scattered trees serving as a welcoming distraction. After everyone fell asleep at home last night, after mother held her in arms for half an hour, stroking her head, Blair silently put Georgina's old heeled boots in bag. She picked her outfit, choosing one of her friend's old pieces. Blair's clothes was out of the question. It was old, tattered and simply not good enough for first day of class. Finally opting for beige fitted slacks and red silky shirt that used to have a hole under armpit, she put them on and covered herself with large black coat. It was long and warm, but very fashionable since she added small golden belt to tighten it. It was too big for her, once belonging to Mrs Sparks herself. A pang of sadness stuck her hard, but she waved it off impatiently, too excited for first day of university.

She kissed her mother goodbye as Dan glared at her. He got into a lot of trouble in high school and ruined any chances of good college entry, let alone scholarship. Dan now worked as a car mechanic, but Blair knew he secretly wanted to be a writer. She couldn't help but to look at him with disdain and he hissed in response. She set off towards bus stop almost skipping. As she rounded the corner and cautiously looked around, Blair quickly took off her old flats and put on boots. They were shiny black, with nice 4 inch heel and gold clasps. It was something her whole family would disapprove. It was something they would spray with holy water and throw in trash.

She stumbled to bus stop, trying to relax and get used to them. Blair got too early for class, her feet slightly aching, and decided to sit in one of many benches in front of campus to rest. Even though the air was crisp cold, sun shone brightly upon them. Blair closed her eyes and listened to conversation of girls nearby. How normal did she feel now, not just concierge's daughter. Finally, she felt like she belonged.

Girls nearby were sitting at front steps, drinking steaming cups of coffee and checking their smart phones. Blair tightly held on to her bag, old battered phone whose best quality was screen in color, hid in the inside pocket. It was the only thing family could afford. Shame was like a nausea in her stomach.

One of the girls squealed, elbowing the other one and they both looked up to stare at the boy walking across the court. There was certain strut in his walk, a clear sign of power an collected cool. One of the girls confidently exclaimed ''I'm going to be sure he notices me this time'' and quickly rose, readjusting her bra, pushing cleavage out.

The boy had RayBan Wayfarer sunglasses on, looking like he owned the world. His outfit was speckles, onyx hair perfectly combed and parted. The girl swayed her hips from side to side, skill at walking in high-heels admirable and envy-worthy. At last moment, she turned towards the boy and smashed into him.

''Oh'' she exclaimed, wearing mask of innocence. ''I'm so sorry! I accidentally spilled my coffee all over your blazer.''

Blair watched as she hungrily touched his arm, trying to wipe the stain. Small snort escaped her. _What a moron_, she thought. _That will only worsen it_. She watched mother too many times dealing with such cases.

The girl flipped her hair, smiling widely. Her hand stretched out towards him. ''By the way, I'm Mary.''

The boy looked confusedly at her hand for a moment and shook his head slightly. ''Don't care'' he muttered and walked away, going wherever he was headed in the beginning. Girl's hand was left in the air, her mouth wide open in horror.

Blair silently giggled as the boy calmly walked over to his group of friends and sat down.

''Why are you laughing at yourself?'' Penelope walked over and put her bag on her lap. She was new friend of Blair's. They met only few days ago, waiting in line to finish paperwork before results. It wasn't kind of friend Blair would go for, but it was currently all she had.

''What kind of institution is this?''

''What happened?'' her friend asked sitting down.

Blair's brows knotted together as she explained, ''I don't know the girl, but she wanted to meet this guy. She even spilled coffee all over him on purpose, offered her hand and introduced herself with most charming of the smiles. She returned to seat without any success. It was ridiculous.'' She nodded towards the boy and shook her head disbelievingly. He was handsome, for sure. Slightly intimidating also, but Blair could never fathom why would anyone go at that length for him.

''She slightly over did it'' Penelope explained with roll of the eyes. ''That's Chuck Bass. Golden boy of Constance Billard. He doesn't really hang out with students here. He's more with models, actresses and starlets. King of Manhattan night life. Infamous for switching girls as if he does his silken socks. A night bird. Womanizer.'' She took a sip of her coffee and nodded towards blond girl sitting next to him. ''That's Serena, the big spendthrift. Her mom married for money more times than I can count. She'd divorce, take husband's money and company. Or at least a share. Now they live without a care in the world. Next to her is Nate. His family is all businessmen and senators. They are swimming in realty.''

Blair looked at them, laughing and talking. She wished she could be like them. Perfectly dressed, not worrying if they have anything to eat tomorrow, living the life as they pleased because their parents could afford it.

''One may admire them from afar'' Penelope whispered as if she could read her mind.''But when you meet them, you see it's not all so shiny and bright. Anyway,'' she continued in normal voice, zipping up her jacket ''and that's the elite. It's not enough to be rich. You have to have pedigree.''

Blair nodded, still gazing at the group. She absentmindedly listened to their conversation.

''Forget last night'' one of the boys that was sitting with them said. ''What are we doing tonight?''

''I know'' Nate smirked, playing with his lapels of jacket. ''I'll be at Chuck's.''

''Forget it'' Chuck countered deadpanned, ''I'll be sleeping tonight.''

He took off his sunglasses and Blair could see how exactly tired he was. There were bags under his eyes, his face was almost as pale as hers. Everyone snickered and Nate slapped his shoulder, winking. ''People, people... Don't tease him. We can all see he'd been busy last night.''

Serena squirmed in her seat, trying to catch Chuck's eyes. He promptly avoided it. ''I'm off, otherwise I'll fall asleep on this table. I forgot I dismissed my driver last night. I think I parked the car wrong.''

_Like you can't afford a ticket_, Blair scoffed silently.

''I can drop you off'' Nate offered. ''Don't cause an accident.''

''Hey, I'm still on my feet.''

As he started walking away, Nate called out to him, shaking finger. ''You shouldn't have drank that last tequila!''

Everyone laughed again, continuing the conversation. Serena suddenly slapped Nate's shoulder, frantic look on her face. Until then she looked calm and serene. ''What happened last night? Who was that girl? Do we know her?''

Nate breathed out loudly, patting her shoulder. There was a sorry look in his face ''Oh, dear. Good luck.''

''Nate-''

''Serena'' he interrupted, slightly frustrated. ''Nothing happened.''

Nate walked away to class, reminding Blair she was supposed to go too. A phone buzzed in her pocket, sending fear seep into her bones. While Penelope was talking to other students that just arrived, Blair slowly rejected the call without taking the phone out. Everyone around her chatted on their smartphones, while her's didn't even have camera. The only people that had her number were family and she was already late to class.

After the introductory class was finished and dean made his speech, Blair quickly got up to go home, impatient to be the one who left first. Her phone kept buzzing for last half an hour. She wanted to answer while there wasn't any crowd in the courtyard and so she did. Blair took the call, making sure her hair covered the phone so nobody would see it.

''Blair'' her mom was frantic on the other line. ''Where are you?''

''I just left class, Ill be home now.''

''Well, okay. Don't keep me waiting.''

Her mom hung up. She promised her to help clean today as if there was nothing else on the world she wished to do. Her parents always had need to control every second of her life and today was no different. She wished she could stay here and hang out with Penelope, but it was impossible considering dad knew her schedule. Blair, annoyed stuffed her phone into her bag when car came up from behind and sped by. The rear-view mirror hit her hand, razor sharp pain shooting through skin. She dropped the bag and phone in shock, clutching the throbbing wrist.

Shiny black Audi immediately pulled over and startled Chuck Bass climbed out of it. Oh, God. It was him, it was that famous guy.

Blair quickly lowered down to gather her things, grabbing phone first. She forgot the pain instantly in that moment, feeling ashamed by the ancient model. Chuck stood above her, looking at her with knotted eyebrows.

''Are you okay?'' he asked quickly, going through the hair with his fingers. ''I don't know how that happened.''

She decidedly ignored him, grabbing final pieces and stuffing them in bag. If she ignores him, maybe he would go away. If he was anything like those rich people, he would flee the crime scene as quickly as possible. None of those things happened. Chuck knelt down next to her, picked up the last part of the phone on the floor and handed it to her. ''It's broken.''

Her head was bowed down, determinedly checking for something inside her bag. Oh, God. He just saw how old her phone was. He will know she was poor, he will know she was janitor's daughter and he would tell everyone. Nobody would see Blair, the Management student - once again everyone would see just a poor nobody. She ignored the offered pieces of phone, biting her cheek. ''Doesn't matter'' she replied quickly, wanting to get away from him, feeling herself completely put off.

''Should I get you to a doctor?' he insisted, gently taking her wrist to examine it.

The intimacy and tenderness of the gesture stunned her. It felt... good. Her eyes met his as his thumb caressed her skin.

_A womanizer_, Penelope's voice flashed in her mind. _Chuck Bass is infamous for switching girls._

Blair remembered that silly girl with coffee fawning over him and she quickly drew back hand. He had this effect on all girls. She won't be stupid as the rest. ''No, thank you'' her words were brittle.

''Come with me then'' he insisted, gesturing towards the car. ''I'll get you a new phone.''

The thought of getting into his car was preposterous. Students started to crowd towards the exit already and they threw glances as them. Everyone would think she was a tramp, just one of those foolish girls. Blair blushed, making up story as she talked ''This is only my temporary phone. My real one is at service center until they fix it.''

Chuck wasn't ready to let her go. He stood in front of her, blocking the way and reaching for the wallet. ''Alright, I'll give you money then.''

''What do I want your money for?'' she snapped, offended. Her pride suddenly woke up and it wasn't in a good mood. Blair couldn't help but to feel like a charity case.

''Well'' he said with raised eyebrows, clearly astounded by the attitude. ''I broke it, I should pay you-''

''No, you shouldn't'' she interrupted briskly, her eyes narrowed. After all, it was an accident. This guy was having her insides do somersaults, she couldn't wait to get away from him. Blair turned around to walk away, but he grabbed her elbow. She turned around, staring at him with wide eyes.

''But, I have to make it up to you'' he persisted, baffled.

He looked like someone who didn't take no for an answer. Blair wrenched herself away from him, disgusted by the typical rich-boy attitude. ''If you want to make it up to me - don't sit behind wheels. Ever again!''

Blair finally walked away in a rush, feeling restless and fidgety. She just lied to this guy, claiming her phone was at the service. Why did Blair do that? But else what could she do? Chuck Bass was used to luxury all his life, he'd surely laugh at her if she were to tell him it was her real phone. No, even worse. He'd probably never speak to her again, deeming her unworthy and invisible. Maybe he'd spread the joke around too. Nobody would question him, he was after all, the Golden Boy. This was only one little lie. It couldn't hurt anyone, could it?

Well, nobody except her phone. She walked towards bus stop sulkily. Dad would be so angry at this incident, she'll have to make something up. If he heard she talked to a boy Blair never met before, he'd have a fit. Especially if he hears the boy almost ran her over.

Blair saw bus was already there and almost sped up, scared of being late. Mother was already waiting for her. All of a sudden, she noticed shiny black Audi was back. It was in the middle of the traffic on the road, the engine was on but it stood in place. Windows were rolled down and Chuck was impassively looking at her. His eyes flickered from her, to bus and back at her. Her heart sped up as they locked gazes and she did only thing she could think of.

''Taxi!'' Blair called out with loud and clear voice. Immediately, yellow car pulled over and she entered, right after giving last mean glance to him. She gave the driver the address as he drove, a well-known street on the Upper East Side. It was where she lived her whole life, little girl in basement wanting something she could touch, but not get. Chuck's car drove away and she sighed in relief. ''Can you please stop?''

''I thought you said-''

''I need to get out'' she ordered. ''Now.''

''Alright'' the driver said annoyed and showed the taximeter.

She dug up the only money she had, a mere spare change. She carefully counted the coins, having barely enough to cover the expense of this short ride. As she got out, Blair dragged her tired feet to bus stop.

* * *

She loved college. She loved being there and acting as active member of something so wonderful and important. She loved being recognized for her efforts and encouraged for future progress. She loved being noticed and having genuine friends. Most of all, Blair loved that she was equal to everyone, loved that everyone treated her with no prejudices. She had to keep up with everyone and that's the reason why Blair was asking to use the bathroom in one of the fast foods. She quickly locked the doors behind her, pulled out the dress and the boots out of the bag. She took off her old pants and shirt, stuffing them back in the bag with flats.

She had a black sheath dress on, material clinging perfectly on her figure. It was paired with long red cardigan and set of fake pearls. Blair pulled the hem down, tightened the boots and pushed her hair back. She arrived like that to college, climbing the stairs to get into class. It was chilly morning and her legs were without any tights. She shivered slightly as cold breeze came across, carrying chatter of now almost familiar faces. Her legs stopped moving on their own accord. The group was standing in hallway, killing time before class. Serena asked ''You obviously didn't use the night at home. Why so quiet?''

Chuck clenched his jaw, lost deep in thought. ''Something happened yesterday when I was leaving class.''

Something as in him almost breaking her wrists. The bruise was still there, barely covered by a cheap foundation. Blair took a deep breath and climbed the remaining steps. No matter how hard she tried to look away, he still managed to catch her eye. Chuck lazily pushed himself off the wall and walked towards her.

She noticed his friends went quiet, following his every step.

''Hey, Myrtle Wilson'' he called out, ignoring them and walked up to her. After she didn't stop, after merely throwing him an unamused glance, his figure blocked her way to class. ''How's your hand?''

She was forced to stop or otherwise she'd run face-first into him. He was twice her size and very hard to evade. Blair sighed, pursing her lips. ''Better than my phone.''

With that, she took a step to leave, but he was quick to prevent it. ''Let's take care of this.''

The sultry way he delivered that line had Blair biting her lip, thinking of all the wrong ways it could be done. Despite everything, she felt nervous and excited - all at it was wrong, this guy was used to wooing women and dumping them. It was his forte.

''There is nothing to be taken care of'' she casually shrugged her shoulder, willing him to think she was unaffected by his charms. Blair tried to move again. He wouldn't let her.

''You won't give me a chance?'' he pouted, looking at her under thick dark eyelashes. Blair stared at his handsome face, suddenly feeling lightheaded. He was beautiful up close.

''I don't understand'' she sheepishly said, losing her train of thought. ''Chance for what?'''

''To repay you'' he smirked.

''You don't owe me anything'' she noted, shaking head and coming to her senses. What was she doing? Most importantly, what was this guy doing to her head? This was a person she definitely needed to steer clear from. Blair tried to step around him when he just mirrored her movements. She huffed in annoyance.

''Are you going to class?'' he asked with curiosity as if they were friends, as if they haven't met each other just yesterday.

''Well, yes. I'm here for classes. Imagine that.''

His smile was adorable and Blair found herself feeling hot all of a sudden.

''I'm Chuck'' he introduced himself, extending her his arm.

''Blair'' she took it, lightly shaking. There was nothing wrong with handshake. This was just a simple gesture of a new acquaintance, nothing else. His palm was warm, his grip solid and strong. Chuck drew her hand to him and his eyes fell to the bruise on her wrist. His eyebrows knotted, staring at it. Blair's heart went into a race as his thumb softly swept over the green spot on the flesh. She quickly withdrew it and took the moment to break free, walking away to class.


	3. Mongrel Heart

**A/N**: Thank you all so much for reviews and in such short time. I would make you all wait longer and suffer, but I can't get enough of this fic! This chapter is extra long because I don't know for sure if I'll be able to update tomorrow. I'll try my best to post during holidays, but 'm not making any promises.

**Remember to R&amp;R, make me feel loved :) :) :) **

Let me just mention how I've slightly massacred Gossip Girl families and placed them in fitting ones for this story, take no offense.

**Chapter Three**

**Mongrel Heart**

She was lounging around between classes with Penelope, sipping coffee and chatting. They were standing on the upper floor of university, leaning on railing and looking down at passing crowd on first floor. Students bustled about, some running to class, other exchanging notes and many other killing time between classes like them. Her phone had been buzzing again for last 20 minutes. Blair tried to go to bathroom and take call there, but Penelope promptly followed, saying it was her duty to do so. She had no other choice, Blair turned it off. Dad forced her to take his old phone, black and white ancient Nokia. If Penelope saw it, there would be thousand of unnecessary questions.

''Hey daddy'' Penelope answered her own call after third ring, touch screen pressed on her cheek. Her face scrunched up. ''That's tonight? Okay, I'll go check it out... Okay. B' bye.''

''It's my parents' anniversary tonight'' she explained with a sigh, putting phone back in pocket.''I have to buy them a gift.''

''It's nice that they are celebrating it.''

''Your's don't?''

Blair grimaced, remembering those days of the year. They never threw a party or anything like that. Family would meet for breakfast as usual, dad would kiss mom on lips instead of cheek and they all went to work. ''They do. But dad forgets so I always have to remind him.''

''What will I buy them?'' Penelope wondered, pleading for advice. ''I'm struggling about this every year. What does your dad buy to mom?''

Blair was mulling over her answer, looking down at surface of the coffee. It grew lukewarm over time. She bit her lip hard, how could she say he never buys anything? Here she was, dressed in expensive clothes, attending elite college and she was supposed to say her dad probably never bought mom a gift in his life because they couldn't afford it. How absurd would it sound? Penelope noticed her discomfort and laughed humorlessly, ''That's right. I can't measure with you. He must be buying her expensive jewelry.''

Penelope wasn't poor, she was wealthy middle class. Her parents could afford this college and get by, but not luxury of pricey cars and famous bags and shoes. Blair didn't respond, but only smiled bitterly, thinking how far off she was. There was no harm in not correcting her.

''We don't live in fancy part of Upper East Side like you do'' she continued shrugging her shoulders. ''What does your father do?''

''Well'' Blair cleared her throat, shifting her weight to other leg. She checked the clock on wall, hoping for some excuse to run off. Unfortunately, they still had plenty of time. As she was looking around, well known figure caught her eye. Her dad was on first floor, talking to some students and mentioning her name. He was asking around if they had seen her. Students shook their head, wondering who was his unfortunate daughter. The university hosted hundreds of wealthy and prestige adolescents and her father was here, in the middle of her new life. He wasn't that old, but he looked ancient and hunched. Working whole life tired him out and aged him quite much. To Blair's horror, he was dressed in old dusty shoes with holes in some places where you could see his socks. His shirt was sweaty with bleach stains, complete cotrast to meticulously dressed students - including Blair.

Blair ran downstairs, ignoring Penelope and called out to him. ''Dad!''

As soon as the words were out, she covered her mouth with hands, horrified at the slip-up. ''What are you doing here?''

'''You haven't answered your phone since morning'' her father said sternly. ''I didn't know if you were alive or dead. This is New York, kid. What's with the clothes? Explain this, Blair?''

Blair was looking around if anyone was watching them, but these words broke the trance. She forgot she had sheath dress on and her legs were bare, with only boots to carry them. She blushed and pulled cardigan around her that reached almost up to her knees. All of a sudden, her role of promising prestigious student seemed to drop and she was once again concierge's daughter.

''I woke up late'' Blair lied, ''I got dressed quickly. These are Georgina's clothes.''

''You have wonderful clothes of your own, yet you fill your closet with her too tight rags.'' Father always look down on anything but modesty. If it was up to him, she'd be wearing nun's robe, covered to her neck. His face was angry and his voice tired. ''You'll clean out your closet right away.''

''Okay'' she quickly said, impatient for him to leave. He wasn't the kind to discuss matters calmly. If she said anything else, there would be a scene in the middle of building. ''I'm sorry.''

''Get your stuff, we're leaving'' he ordered, disappointment vivid on his face.

''I still have classes'' Blair argued, as if explaining it to a child. Long ago, she learned her father and mother grew up in poor village resembling much like Amish part of country. When they saved enough money, they moved to New York for a better life. Sometimes she had to explain many things to them, especially to him. Mother was always willing to accept new and modern ways, unlike him. He was skeptic about college, wanting her rather to work than to _waste_ her time on study and classes.

Father was stubborn. It was no surprise when he said ''There are benches around here. I'll wait for you.''

Penelope climbed down and was looking at them with curiosity. Blair fought to keep the terror off her face. She cracked her knuckles and whispered, her words rushed''But who will collect the trash of residents today? Mom has a day off. You know she'll be grumpy. Besides, I have to be here for longer than an hour.''

Dad finally succumbed at that. He sighed in defeat. ''Okay. Don't be long. We will have a talk tonight.''

He took one last look at her outfit, sucked in his teeth and left. His stride was slow and long.

Blair let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

''What's happening?'' Penelope asked with raised eyebrow. ''Who was that man?''

''You know how I broke my phone'' Blair said with surprising cool, twisting the end of cardigan in her hands.

''Yes?''

''You know it's at the service, being fixed'' she stalled, her heart racing.

''I do.''

''Dad was worried'' she finally admitted, sensing a wave of stress, instead of a relief, flood her body. There, she said it. She watched her friend carefully, waiting for a reaction.

Penelope's mouth dropped in shock. Her tone of voice probably wasn't meant to be this insulting. ''That was your dad? I thought he was a driver.'' A hint of a mocking smile played at her lips.

There it was, the _laughter_. The shift in their friendship. Next thing you know, Penelope will stop hanging around with her. Or worse, start to order her around and treat her like service. Blair looked down on the floor, clenching her hands and hating herself for doing this. ''Yes it's the driver. Dad was worried so he sent the driver to check up on me.''

Penelope later on left for class and Blair rushed to bathroom. The pressure of her lies was building up and she couldn't stand it. Unbearable warmth swept over her face and she splashed it with cool water, trying to erase the heat of shame. She was horrified at her father showing up and at herself. Why couldn't she say the truth, if not with pride? Why couldn't she settle peacefully with low ordinary life? This was disgusting. She lifted up her head and looked herself in the mirror. Her whisper was hoarse and accusing.''You're a liar. A liar.''

The doors swung open and blond head walked inside. She was tall, tan and unbelievably pretty. Her high heels clacked on floor and stopped near the sink. Serena noticed distressed Blair. ''Are you okay? What's wrong?''

Blair recognized her immediately and snapped out of the haze. ''Nothing, my pressure just dropped.''

''Can I help?''

''No, thanks'' Blair weakly said and dabbed some tissue over her face.

''I'm Serena'' she offered her hand, a guarded look on her face.

Blair shook it and said her name.

''I know, _Blair_'' Serena replied with small amused smile. ''I'm Chuck's friend.''

Blair didn't know what to say to this. After collecting her bag, she nodded and declared she was late for class.

Blair barely entered home later that day when mother's arm strongly pulled her in and dragged away. It was lucky her kitchen was small and it took only a second to get to her room. They were both standing there as Jane silently closed the doors behind. If anyone else entered, there would be absolutely no more room for anything.

''Take it off'' mother whispered frustrated. ''Your dad has been irritating me for whole day because of this!''

Blair huffed and quickly shook off her coat, throwing it on bed. She still had Georgina's clothes under it and pulled out her regular one from a drawer. ''Why did you send dad to Constance?'' Her voice was angry. ''This is college, not elementary school! Parents aren't supposed to be there! Quit it already, I'm grown up for God's sake!''

''Don't yell'' Jane mouthed with furious look on her face. ''Your father might hear us! You don't grow up like that, Blair. Start acting like an adult and we'll treat you like one''

Blair looked away and sat on her bed, ignoring her mother.

Jane regretted her words immediately. If anything, Blair was strong and kind woman Jane always wished her to be. She couldn't help but to adore her with whole heart. And with a reason too. She sighed and knelt next to her daughter, her words more soft ''Do you not know your father? And you dare to ignore his calls? He says you've been walking half naked on college.'' She motioned towards her outfit and lightly slapped her knee as a form of scolding.

Blair stood up quickly, a scowl on her face. Unlike mother, she didn't bother keeping her voice down. ''What do you want me to wear?'' she asked furiously, pulling out clothes from wardrobe and throwing them on floor in front of mother. ''This market clothes?! I'm better off wearing Georgina's old things she would have thrown anyway.''

Blair crossed her arms and scornfully stared at the spot in the wall. How do they not get this?

''Blair'' mother said, getting up to face her. She gently stroked her hair. ''My dear, my beauty. Wear whatever you want. But please hide those clothes. Put it away in the corner somewhere. Come on, dear.''

''Blair'' father called her from the kitchen.

''Quickly!'' mother said and stuffed Georgina's clothes under bed. Blair grabbed some old pair of jeans and put them on, already in better mood with mother's support.

''Yes, father?'' she approached timidly. Her experience with his wrath was never good.

''Apartment number 8 is calling you. Don't lag.''

By the shortness of conversation, he was still mad but not enough to start a fight. Apartment number 8 were Sparks. That must have been Georgina, calling her to meet up. It was a way of communication they developed, saying 'I need to talk to a friend' without actually talking. Of'course, it sometimes meant they just called for someone to pick up the trash. Blair only did some work as a kid, but as she grew into teens, they never forced her to do anything. Except sometimes help her mother clean flats. Her family was aware she was starting college and needed all her time to study and attend classes. They shielded her from work as much as they could, but she still needed to do it to help them get by. They were getting old and slow, it was worse every year.

Georgina was sprawled on her bed, going through magazines even though tutoring books occupied 90% of the surface. She was starting preparations again, this time with different team.''So, how's the college?''

''Good'' Blair said, lifting her gaze from the laptop. She was browsing latest news and sending messages through Facebook to new colleagues. ''Just keep on studying, you'll get in too.''

She walked over to her friend and sat next to her, squeezing her hand.

''These magazines are all the fun I have. And petting Jenny's dog. I catch them when she's coming downstairs, about to take him for a walk. Dad is still not coming home...'' She withdrew hand, flipped a page and her face suddenly became ecstatic. ''Look! Let me show you someone!''

Blair leaned down to see the picture she was pointing at. It was a picture of Chuck, leaning down on his car in front of some club and talking distractedly on his phone. ''He is hot, isn't he?'' Georgina asked, her eyes shining brightly. She sighed his name in delight. ''Prince of Darkness.''

Blair almost laughed out loud at such ridiculous nickname. Deep down, she agreed with Georgina. He really was hot.

* * *

She was at a bus stop with her mother, going to class. Looking at passing cars, she felt mom trying to push something inside of her bag.

''Mom, please'' she screamed horrified. ''I don't want it!''

''Why are you so spiteful?'' Jane asked surprised, trying to give her struggling daughter a phone. She returned yesterday from college and decidedly gave it back. ''Do you want your dad to come to school again?''

Blair begged with tormented look on her face.

''Fine'' mother snapped, shoving the phone into plastic bag with other cleaning stuff. ''I'll be coming home earlier from work today. I'll watch out for dad, but I'm not getting involved after that. You'll be taking that phone, Missy. Why are you so stuck up?''

Blair huffed, irritated with parents' lack of awareness of how things went in world today. They may have left their village, but it sure seemed village never left them. ''Phones aren't for talking anymore. It's a symbol of status, the quickest way to figure out who is who.''

''Oh, Lord'' mother rolled her eyes. ''Back in my days, you didn't look at who had what and who wore what, but what kind of a person you were.''

Bus rolled over and her daughter boarded it. ''Don't be home late, you will only make dad angry.''

Blair nodded and grabbed a seat in back. She quietly slipped out of her old shoes and put on boots. She was dressed in black silky jumpsuit with nice peach blazer.

Classes wrapped up, one after another. Blair created study schedule during breaks, not wanting to waste time. She was still missing few books, but mother promised to buy them in few days when paycheck arrived. She was currently crossing the main hall on second floor, staring at school map and hopelessly trying to find Marketing classroom.

''You've got the wrong floor'' a husky voice said.

Blair looked up, her breath hitching at the proximity of Chuck's face.

''Bass'' she politely, but crisply, greeted, giving a small smile.

Chuck Bass was dressed in red sweater and blue shirt underneath, looking as if he just walked out of a fashion ad. He leaned away from her and stood straight with hand in his pocket. ''How are you?''

''Little bit lost, to be honest.''

''First floor, second corridor to the left after stairs'' he advised, pointing at the spot on the map.

Was Chuck Bass always this helpful? Or was there secret agenda behind it? She eyed him warily and nodded in appreciation. ''Thanks.''

''Wait'' Chuck called out as she took off to go, stopping her. He took his hand out of the pocket, holding it stretched out for her. On his palm was brand new iPhone, slick and black. ''This is for you'' he smirked, ready to wave off gratitude.

''What's that?'' Her smile faded, glaring at the item.

''A compensation, per say'' he cocked his head, taking a step closer.

''And?''

''It will come in handy, even though it may not be as good as yours.''

She stared at him for a moment, her expression cold. Is he joking? Chuck was still sporting that smile and it only fueled her anger. Not as good as hers? Not as good as that brick in color that lay broken? Was he insulting her? Yes, he must be mocking her. This had to be a cheap sarcastic remark. Blair looked around to see if anyone else was still on the joke, but couldn't focus on anyone's face. Did they discover who she really is?

''Are you playing with me?'' she asked furiously, not bothering to keep her voice down.

Chuck's smirk disappeared in a second.

''What does it mean it's not as good as mine? Who told you to buy me a cellphone?'' She opened her mouth to continue the rant, but thought better of it and rapidly turned around to walk away. There was no way she'd flip out on her first week of college.

''I was just kidding!'' Chuck shouted from behind, his face stunned.

Blair turned around, her eyes flickering from phone, to his shocked face and back at phone again. He was still holding it offered, ready for her to take it. Blair thoughtfully lingered for a moment and finally walked away to class.

She didn't see Nate sneaking up to Chuck and patting him on the shoulder in pity.

Blair could hardly focus on lectures that day, not even hearing professor when he dismissed the class two hours earlier. Only Penelope's poke to shoulder brought her back to reality. The classroom was already almost empty. They walked together across campus, existing the main doors. They got out on parking lot when Penelope moaned happily ''Thank god he told us to go. I thought I'd never get through his boring lecture.''

''Yeah'' Blair responded distractedly. ''I can't believe he let us go two full hours earlier.''

''Let's go to Bendel's.''

''I can't'' Blair lied. She actually didn't want to go. What excuse would she have when Penelope told her to buy something? It would only add up to tragedy; looking at all those wonderful dresses she couldn't have.

''Not even for an hour?'' her friend asked hopefully.

''Not really.''

''You are such a bore. I better rush, it will be impossible to hail a cab later. See you tomorrow?''

Blair nodded and walked alone across the parking lot to catch the bus. Her head was bent down, contemplating today's event. Ever since she flipped out at Chuck, guilt has been eating her alive. For some reason, she felt terrible. Why? Why did she feel this bad? Is it because a small voice in her head told her that maybe he just wanted to make her feel better about the accident? Maybe he really just wanted to get her a new phone? That maybe Chuck Bass is not as bad as Penelope thinks he is.

As if on cue, she spotted him by the car, leaned on the roof with elbows, following her with unreadable eyes. Blair paused, staring back at him, waiting for him to say something or to give any sign for her to approach.

After he made no movement, Blair took a deep breath and got closer. ''Hi.''

He pushed back to face her, his face hard. ''Yes?''

No greeting back. Just a simple cold ''yes?''. Chuck seemed to be completely out of humor. Did he get bored of her already? Did she scare him off? The thought was surprisingly gloomy.

''I'm sorry'' she finally managed the courage to say. It wasn't something she admitted easily. Or at all.

''What do you mean?''

''I _may_ have _slightly_ over-reacted this morning.''

The parking lot was empty, most of the students still at classes. The ground was lines with limos and expensive cars, you could't find a single Toyota, Seat, Hyundai or alike. Majority of them were SUVs. Chuck considered her words for a moment and leaned on a car with crossed arms, cocking his eyebrow. Even though face was expressionless, his voice was playful. ''Yes, you have. The last time I was scolded was by my mother. When I was eight.''

Blair rolled her eyes, but a faint laugh escaped her.

''Blair'' he continued his tone suddenly serious, reaching for his pocket. ''I wanted to-''

''Hey, Blair'' girly voice interrupted them. Serena walked over to them, her eyes darting from one to another. Her blonde hair was shining brightly on the sun. Blair envied her flawless sun-kissed skin. ''Are you feeling better?''

Chuck's head snapped towards Blair and she smiled with sickly sweetness. ''I'm much better, thanks'' she lied once again.

''Oh'' Nate walked over, grinning amusedly. ''So ladies have met and befriended each other. Hi, I'm Nate.''

''You were sick?'' Chuck whispered, never taking eyes off of her.

''Nothing serious'' she whispered back, feeling her heart warm up at the concern in his voice.

''Why don't you come with us?'' Serena offered with her arms crossed. ''We're going to grab a coffee.''

''I was just heading home actually.''

''Where do you live?'' Nate asked curiously.

''Upper fifth'' she answered, feeling kind of proud and important all of a sudden. She felt like she could finally compete with these people. And the look on their faces told them she passed the first stage of a test.

''Our regular coffee shop is there nearby'' Serena rather ordered than said, grabbing her elbow and walking her towards waiting car. ''Let's go.''

Blair obviously had no other choice. She caught Chuck's eyes and all of a sudden wanted to be part of his world, she wanted his friends to accept her.


	4. The Breakfast Club

**Chapter Four**

**The Breakfast Club**

They were sitting in anything but a coffee shop. It was a busy restaurant whose decorator did an impressive job. White ionic columns stood proportionately scattered between tables, highlighting the glorified majesty of the place. Windows were high and spotless, ceiling decorated with crystal chandeliers. Large impressionistic pictures hung on beige paint, emphasizing the beauty of the place.

''I'll have Coke, roast beef burger, large fries, tiramisu and white coffee'' Nate said snapping his menu shut and handing it to waiter's gloved hands.

''Way to go, champion'' Chuck muttered, scanning the list. ''I'll have coffee.''

''Get me ice mocha'' Serena added, knowing the offer by heart. ''No cream. And Mediterranean salad with no dressing.''

Blair eyed prices nervously, biting inner side of cheek. This wasn't expensive, this place was outrageously pricey. She couldn't afford absolutely anything on the list. ''I'll have water, please.''

''Just water?'' Serena asked raising her eyebrow, as if smelling her secrets.

''Yes'' she cleared her throat, straightening her back. She actually didn't eat almost anything whole day and was looking forward to coming home and having proper lunch. ''I don't feel like drinking anything else.''

Serena seemed to considered this for a moment, but let it go. ''What was I saying... Oh, I hate her fascination with Paris. It's driving me crazy! I've been trying to get her to come home, but she won't listen. I'm completely bored.''

''Aw'' Nate cooed, cocking his head. ''Do you miss your mommy? Well, board a plane to Paris.''

Serena squinted her eyes at him, not taking offense, but rather smiling amusedly. She was used to his laid back attitude and special kind of humor where he laughs at everyone, most especially her. ''Always same places, always same destinations. I've seen it all, I don't even feel like going. But if you agree, we can go tonight.''

Her eyes were bright and excited.

''Tonight?'' Nate repeated. ''Paris?''

''Well?''

He seem to ponder this for a moment and quickly pulled out his phone. ''I can check plane tickets on web...''

''Don't look at me'' Chuck shook his head. ''I have to go over Tropic's finances with Bart this weekend.''

''Chuck'' huffed Serena, leaning across table towards him. ''You always ruin everything. We're only going for a day.''

''Serena'' he warned, a hard tone to his voice. ''Don't insist. You know I can't go.'' Blair sensed there was more to the topic than they were letting.

''Actually'' Nate added with a deep breath, turning off his phone. ''Nobody can go. All the first-class tickets are booked.''

''Fine'' Serena shrugged her shoulder, as if she wasn't fazed at all. ''We can go next week. Chuck'll be free to mingle with us mundanes by then.''

This was obviously said with some mock attempt because Chuck rolled his eyes.

''Blair, do you like the plan?'' Serena piqued, twisting blonde strands of her hair.

''Who wouldn't?'' she answered diplomatically, tucking a stray hair by her ear. Chuck glanced at the movement and she caught his eyes. They were deep and rich, but Chuck hasn't spoken to her ever since leaving the parking lot. He barely looked her way and Blair found herself being bothered by that fact.

''Why don't you come with us?'' Nate politely asked. ''The more the merrier.''

Blair's face turned into a grimace. It was only her third day at school and the it group was already dragging her to lunch, inviting her to crazy trips that sounded exciting and full of life. Their enthusiasm was addictive, but there was a hint of dubiousness hanging at the back of her mind. Why _her_? Of all people, why her? How could she ever keep up with them?

''Blair obviously doesn't like the story about Paris'' Serena smiled at her. ''You seem to be as bored of it as I am.''

''Well...'' Blair trailed off, neither denying nor confirming it. She could hardly afford to go anywhere over the bridge, let alone over seas. She honestly did not know how to even be part of this conversation. Blair watched them converse as if watching a play. The only thing that felt real was Chuck's proximity and warmth he seemed to radiate.

''Where do you escape to? What's your favorite place?'' Serena prodded, not giving up. Her interest didn't see genuine at all. Blair had a bad feeling about her. She shrugged and said first thing that came to her mind. ''Italy.''

''Wait, let me guess'' Chuck finally spoke up after long silence, holding her gaze. ''It's not Milan, it's Rome.''

Blair gulped and nodded. She did love Rome, but only Rome from the books and movies, especially Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. It was a movie she watched countless of times. The blinding sun, small Italian streets, cute Vespa rides, vanilla gelato in heavy afternoons. It was the only version she knew. ''Yes, I love Rome.''

''I went there with my mom last summer'' Serena mentioned enthusiastically, switching topic to herself. ''We bought so much stuff in vintage shops. Our jet was _so_ overloaded.'' When she noticed nobody was taking much interested in that story, she averted her eyes back to Blair. ''What place do you like the best? Do you go with family'' blue eyes caught Chuck's ''or with someone special?''

Blair forced herself to remain cool as Chuck carefully studied her. Mere mention of her family sent heat up her cheeks. ''Family'' she muttered, grateful when waiter came by with their order. She took her glass and hastily swallowed half of content. Everyone busied themselves with drink and food for few minutes. Serena went to ladies room and Blair suppressed a sigh of relief. She was tired of questions and lies, but couldn't force herself to stop.

''What does you father do?'' Nate curiously asked as he chewed on his burger.

_He is a janitor_, voice in her mind spoke quietly. _His monthly salary amounts to the price of the socks you're wearing now._

How is she to say that? To utter that aloud? What would she think of her then? The invitation to Paris would be pulled back, knowing she couldn't possibly afford it. This would be probably last time they would be talking. Constance was full of rich, beautiful girls, all dying to be in Blair's place now. She caught Chuck's eyes and he smiled at her. That killer of the smile was that did it.

''Tourism'' she responded, quickly averting her eyes away and grabbing a glass to drink. Tourism sounded acceptable. Tourism sounded good. It was relative.

''Does he has hotels or tourist agencies?''

''Hotels'' she quickly lied, clutching her fists. Her heart was racing mile a minute. ''Down south.''

''Do you have siblings?''

Blair couldn't force herself to stop, their smiles grew and glint of approval sparkled in their eyes.

''I do. I have a brother. He studies economy abroad.''

They all nodded their heads, clearly impressed.

''Blair?'' Tiny blonde girl with a fluffy dog in hands stood across the table. She was dressed trendy and in vogue, as per usual. Her mother was a designer who dressed whole Manhattan elite. It was Jenny Humphrey, a girl living in one of the apartments in her building. Blair chocked on water, coughing in napkin. How much did she hear?

''Hey.''

''I'm surprised to see you here'' Jenny declared, looking at her and the company with narrowed eyes. She seemed much more older with disapproving glare directed at Blair. There was a moment of awkward silence. ''Never mind.''

She quickly walked away, leaving Blair behind. Color drained from her face. What if she heard her? What if she tells her parents? Or even worse, to whole college? Blair suddenly felt sick to her stomach, tired of this charade.

''I have to go home'' she weakly said, rising from the chair. ''I think my pressure dropped again.''

She quickly picked up her stuff and boys politely stood up. Chuck caught her hand as it was reaching for wallet. ''You must be joking.''

''No'' Chuck warned when she went to protest, his face determined. ''I insist.''

He threw the money on the table and spoke to Nate. ''I'll drop off Blair and I'll come back.''

''Excuse me?'' Blair rushed on, not able to hide her shock. ''No need for that, my home is close by.''

Chuck helped her with the coat. ''Then there is no need to turn me down.''

Somehow, she had a feeling he wasn't going to give up, so she said goodbye to Nate and let him lead to the limo. They sped through streets and she let him pass her building, pulling up a block away. ''Which building is yours?''

Her white finger pointed back at the way they came from and he raised his eyebrows. ''Why did we stop here? Why not there?''

She fidgeted with her bag, looking straight ahead. ''If my dad sees us, he is going to ask a lot of questions.''

''He likes to interfere in your life?'' he asked with raised eyebrows, as if it was something unheard of.

''I'm used to it'' she shrugged her shoulders, sensing exquisite relief of speaking the solid truth.

He cocked his head and looked at her with alarming seriousness. She boldly looked back at him, letting him know he doesn't bother her. They were silent for a minute and soft patter of rain could be heard above their heads. The small space of limo was filled with his cologne, the leather underneath her strangely alien, but comfortable. She felt pleasant warmth flooding over her body, making all of this misery lunch worth while. As if waking up from a dream, Blair remembered mom was waiting for her.

''I have to go'' she declared, not breaking eye contact.

''Okay'' he softly said, still staring at her.

Blair couldn't force herself to move. There was something so compelling about him, something that made thought of leaving him feel like ripping a piece of her soul away. Shaking the daze away, she bid him goodbye and climbed out of the car flustered, almost forgetting the bag.

* * *

Blair had to pick up the trash from residents that night. Mom was on the couch, sore and in pain. Jane cleaned the whole building from bottom to top, all by herself. Only because father was outside all day, too busy fixing car installations for Dan's boss.

Mother awaited her with bubble bath when she got back. Blair soaked as much as she could, still smelling trash everywhere for hours after. They were in her room, mother gently combing her wet hair.

''One day, my dear'' mom whispered absentmindedly, ''You'll be picking up silk and gold, not trash.''

Blair was silent, staring at herself in the mirror. Her mom often made these kind of remarks. Blair believed her. She believed she'll graduate from Constance with excellent grades, she believed she will work her way up to the top and conquer the business world. Blair believed that and a lot more.

''Come on, I set the dinner on the table.''

They walked to kitchen and sat on small table that barely held four people. Dad was kind enough to compliment the meals she prepared. It was a peace offer and she gratefully took it. As they were quietly chatting and eating, a phone started to ring. It was an unfamiliar ringtone. They all looked at each other, wondering whose phone was it.

''It's coming from your room'' mom pointed out. They all looked towards her bed and Blair slowly rose towards it. She opened the vibrating bag on it, looking for the source of noise. Her hand touched cold smooth phone and fished it out. Her eyes widened at the sight of brand new iPhone. Unknown number was flashing on screen, caller very much persistent. She already know who it was before answering.

''Hello?''

''Blair? It's me, Chuck.'' Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. ''You gave me no choice. I had to repay you somehow.''

She looked blankly at her family who were all eyes and ears. There was no way she was leading this conversation here and now. ''Okay'' Blair said quickly. ''We'll talk tomorrow. Good night.''

Dan quickly walked up and snatched phone out of her hands, right as she hung up. ''What's this?''

''Where did you get that, Blair?'' dad asked worriedly, eyeing the strange object.

She had no idea what to say. To say it came from a boy would earn her order to never leave the house again. He'd make her drop out of classes simply on that account. Contact with boys was looked down upon, almost even forbidden. ''Georgina gave it to me'' she quickly lied, too flustered to think of a proper story.

''That girl is crazy'' Dan noted. ''This costs a fortune.''

At that information, father took the phone and angrily ordered her to return it.

''She didn't give it as a gift'' Blair tried to fix the situation with familiar story. ''She got herself better one in Europe and borrowed this one to me-''

''It doesn't matter'' father raised his finger and pushed her towards door. ''You have to return it.''

''It's late, it won't be polite to return it now-''

''Do her parents know she gave it to you?'' mom asked dubiously. ''You know we can't pay to fix it if it gets broken.''

''They know'' she lied on, gripping the phone in her hands. ''Mrs. Sparks was there when she gave it to me. Dad, it's late now. I'll return it tomorrow.''

He seemed to agree to this. ''Nobody touch this phone. Nobody. Not until morning when we return it. Just in case it breaks. Hide it somewhere.''

Blair gratefully took the phone and hid it under her pillow, smiling like an idiot.

Chuck called her again in the morning, while she was walking to school. Dan was walking with her, going to work, trying to eavesdrop the conversation. Chuck wanted to know where she was so he can pick her up, but she politely lied she was almost already on school grounds, very much nervous because of the idea of them being alone together.

''Who was that?'' Dan asked suspiciously.

''Penelope, from college'' she lied, thinking how she hated his unreasonable bossiness and invasion of privacy.

Blair was rushing to class when Serena spotted her. ''B!'' She walked up to her smiling broadly. ''Is it too personal? B is so much shorter and cuter.''

Blair was anything but flattered with this attention. She sensed some secret agenda from this girl and she wanted to shield herself from it as much as possible. ''Only my closest friends call me B.''

''We're friends, aren't we?'' Serena asked, putting her hand on her forearm. ''We'll be, you'll see.''

Blair's eyes burned into tan hand on her arm. She fixed her glare back to Serena and blondie hastily removed it. ''I just wanted to ask you have you heard from Chuck?''

''I've talked to him this morning'' Blair stiffly replied. ''He said he's on his way.'' Serena was unable to hide her scowl and displeasure at these news. ''I need to see him too, to give him back his phone.''

''A phone?'' blond girl raised her eyebrows.

''He accidentally broke mine and bought me new one'' she explained with strange sense of pride and satisfaction. ''I didn't even notice when he sneaked it into my purse.''

''A gift'' Serena laughed out loud, clearly amused with something.

''Is something funny?'' Blair asked sharply, already annoyed and slightly anxious.

''That's our Chuck. He is known for that. How obnoxious, right?''

''What exactly are you trying to say?'' she inquired dumbfounded, wanting for an explanation.

''Everything comes easy to him'' Serena sighed, her smile full of pity and entertainment. ''He has no sense of guilt whatsoever. It's all about buying his way in. He's like that thanks to girls that surround him; models, actresses... You understand? They all want glory.''

Blair straightened her back and crossed her arms. ''What are you trying to say?''

Serena leaned into Blair's face, her eyes sharp. ''I don't want him to hurt you. Chuck's kindness and _generosity_ don't last long.''

So she thought Chuck was buying his way into Blair's pants. Anger sizzled under cool demeanor and Blair felt herself snap.

''I don't care about his kindness or generosity. Or his days and nights'' Blair replied coldly, fishing iPhone out. She was no gold digger and no trophy girl, she especially won't suffer crap from spoiled rich bitch. She spitefully threw the phone into Serena's hands, the item almost dropping on floor. ''Here, you can give him that.''

Blair angrily stormed off to class, completely ignoring Nate and Chuck as they walked past her. She didn't even look at them. Penelope warned her. Yes, she did. And she was stupid enough to believe him he was genuinely interested in her. Maybe he was, but duration of it was highly questionable. _Whatever_, she thought. Few models and he'd already forget about her.

''So you're friends with Serena now?'' Penelope asked bitterly, sitting next to Blair in classroom.

''I'm not friends with anyone'' she snapped, irritated with whole previous scene. Blair took a deep breath and calmed herself. ''Sorry. Listen - how well do you know Chuck Bass?''

This was topic that interested her friend. She turned towards her, talking animatedly.''Nothing special. I know enough stuff to see he is dangerous.''

''What do you mean?''

''He is playboy'' Penelope elaborated as if it was most obvious thing on earth. ''King of night life. Good car, good family and good looks. That's enough to draw all eyes. He gets anything he wants. So naturally, he is a man you can't trust.''

Blair sighed heavily, feeling herself torn. Penelope and Serena are telling her one story of Chuck, but her own eyes seemed to see something entirely else. Who to trust?

Class was over for the day and they were running to road, soaking wet. It was raining hard, making them shiver with penetrating cold.

''It's hard to find an empty cab now'' shouted Penelope over sound of rain. With a skill, she raised a hand and car rolled over immediately. ''We got lucky. Come on.''

''No'' Blair refused, knowing she had no money to split the cost. She was forced to use bus instead. ''I have to buy something here, you go.''

She ran towards the bus stop after Penelope drove off, hiding under the plastic roof. Her teeth were clattering, her fingers numb. The bus was running late and she found herself trembling, the cold air seeping into the bones. The cold was unbearable.

After some time, shiny black Audi pulled over and window rolled down.

''Blair'' Chuck asked confused. ''What are you doing here?''

''Waiting for a bus'' she shouted, hopping up and down to keep cold away. She was half happy, half irritated to see him. ''I couldn't find a cab on this rain.''

''Come, I'll give you a lift.''

''No, thanks'' she replied, though everything in her screamed to accept him. Blair needed to drop this act and drop it soon. Chuck Bass was nothing but trouble and he'd be the ruin of her one day.

''Come on'' he insisted, his eyes darkening as she ignored him.

''Get in or I'll have to drag you in myself'' Chuck called out to her, his face clearly not amused.

Blair contemplated her risks. After a while, she gave up and got into car, thinking how she'd freeze to death while waiting for a bus. She felt warm as they drove, not sure if he turned the heat on or if he radiated it himself. Chuck was looking straight ahead on the road, unusually somber.

''I'm sorry'' he finally said after period of silence, surprising her. ''I didn't know you wanted the other one.''

''The other what?''

''The phone. We'll return it and you can chose whichever you want.'' His hands clenched the steering wheel as he drove.

''_We_ will do no such thing'' she persisted, trying to avoid that scenario from the beginning. ''The phone is perfect.''

''But Serena-''

''Serena what?'' she snapped, but quickly calmed herself. ''It doesn't matter. I just wanted her to give the phone back to you. That's all I said and wanted.''

''So'' he asked, looking confused. ''What really happened?''

Blair thought how much could she possibly reveal. She told the truth, saying how it upset her proud father to be receiving gifts like that. His grip seemed to relax after hearing that story.

''I put you into awkward situation. Was your father angry much?''

''Yes'' she confirmed aggravated. '' He wanted me to give the phone back right away. I too wanted to do it and I did it.''

Chuck leaned in his seat, his eyes flickering from road to her. His mood seemed to lighten up a bit. His voice was unnaturally soft as he said, ''Why did you give it to Serena? Why didn't you talk to me?''

She remembered what Penelope told her and what Serena implied. He was here to use her. The phone was just a price to get her into bed. ''Let's just say I have no interest in talking to you.''

''Yet you're doing just that'' he commented dryly. ''May I ask what I did to deserve such an unpleasant status?''

Blair stared through window, but she could feel his eyes boring into her.

''You may not'' she finally said after a moment or two.

''Blair'' he sighed, ''I never-''. Whatever Chuck was about to say was interrupted with Blair's scream as the car skidded to a halt.

''Did we hit something?'' she shouted terrified.

''No, I had the same problem this morning.'' Chuck grumbled and tried to turn on the car again, but failed. ''I'll be right back.''

''Where are you going?'' she demanded, unbuckling the seat.

''Stay here'' he ordered firmly as he opened the doors, drops of showers getting into the luxurious interior of the car. ''I mean it. I'm going to get some help.''

Blair waited 10 minutes as he searched for help outside. She hoped he wouldn't get sick just because she needed to be dropped off home. He entered the car again, drenching wet.

''There is car shop there, just around the corner.'' Chuck breathed out, rubbing his palms together to warm up. ''I called them to help. I'll hail the cab if you're late. We're close to your house. Go if you will.''

''We're close?'' she repeated, dumbstruck. Time flew when she was with him, but this piece of information got her worried.''Where is that mechanic exactly?''

Chuck squinted through sea of raindrops on windshield. ''Here he comes.''

Blair took a moment to process this. There was Dan with tool box in his hands, coming to their aid in this storm. Even though car glass was tinted, she still froze for a second, afraid he'd seen her. The sound of Chuck rolling down window woke her up. She lowered her head, letting hair curtain over face.

''Can you start the engine ?'' Dan asked, squinting through rain.

Chuck tried again without any success. ''No, I can't.''

''Okay then, pop open the hood so I can take a look.''

Chuck pressed the button and Dan went behind to fix the issue. She quietly watched him in rear-view mirror, her head still bent down.

''Did you drop something?'' Chuck wondered out loud.

''Um, yeah. I'm looking for a pin'' she lied, feeling more uncomfortable each passing moment. ''Look, I have to go.''

There was a moment of silence as Chuck tapped his fingers against steering wheel, the furious shower of rain dropping against the roof of the car. His eyes were focused straight ahead, avoiding looking at her.

''Okay'' he slowly said, looking obviously perturbed. ''I've clearly kept you waiting. Do you want me to get you a cab?''

''No'' she responded quietly, feeling the air go significantly colder. She sensed something between them changed, his attitude more colder and distant. Blair couldn't wait to go home, Chuck Bass was someone that was wrong for her. ''I'll walk.''

She went to grab the handle when his voice full of incredulity stopped her. ''Can't you see this rain outside?''

Blair pretended not to hear him. Looking behind to check if Dan was still hidden behind the hood, she quickly climbed out of the car and ran home.

* * *

Dan lowered the hood. He was wet, cold and annoyed, feeling ready to call it a night and go home. He saw tiny figure exiting the car and scurrying off in the darkness. He scoffed in bitter amusement. One car break and the gold diggers go running away.

He walked up to front, knocked on window that soon rolled down. ''I can't fix it, you'll have to take it to car shop.''

''Great'' Chuck muttered, exiting the car too. His phone suddenly rang. He answered, not even bothering to shield it from rain. Chuck's mouth dropped open as he stood in silence, listening to whoever he was talking to.

''Are you serious? I'll be right there.'' He hung up and threw keys to startled Dan. ''Take the keys, get him to shop, do whatever it takes.''

He then ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction, leaving irritated Dan.

''You could have at least taken my phone number'' he called out to him and muttered ''rich brat'' to himself. He sat down in the car, feeling less irritated the more he leaned across the smooth leather.

* * *

**A/N: Voila! Tell me your thoughts on this chapter. ****What's with Serena?**** Wonder where Chuck fled? How much longer until Chair goes kissy kissy? :P **

**One of you mentioned how Blair is similar to season 1 Jenny. Which makes perfect sense since Jenny was handpicked by Blair, the only figure that was worth being the next Blair Waldorf of Constance B. ****That is, until she went bananas. ****If Jenny was wealthier and older, they would have been the same character, with hardly any difference. But no worries, our own Blair will become true Blair Waldorf in due time. **


	5. How To Save A Life

**Chapter Five**

**How To Save A Life**

Blair was soaking wet, but in a good mood when she entered the house. She took off her wet coat and scarf, kicking down her boots. ''I've muddled the floor with my shoes. I'll clean it up later, when it dries off.''

Her parents were in the living room that also served as dining room. Dad seemed to be pacing up and down and mom sat calm as a statue on the couch. Nobody said anything. She noticed her mom motioning with eyebrows at something when dad suddenly grabbed her bag.

''Give me that'' he ordered, furious look on his face.

''Bob!'' her mothered warned, standing up in a flash.

''Give what?'' she asked, her voice slightly trembling.

''Give that phone here, Blair'' he threatened, towering over her.

''I've returned it'' she stammered, yet another lie dripping off her lips. This time it was to her own parents. ''I told you, if you don't believe me, ask-''

''I don't believe you'' he bellowed, slapping her hard across the cheek. She staggered backwards, numb with shock and holding her burning cheek in place.

''Bob!'' mother was in front of him in a second. Her eyes were flashing lightnings, daring him to hit her again. Dad looked at her for few moments, heaving breaths like a raging bull and left the house, slamming the doors behind him.

Blair stood rooted to the spot, unable to blink.

''Blair, dear'' mother pleaded, her voice shaking. ''Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you say the truth? If you did, nothing of this would have happened. Georgina told me she didn't give you anything and dad heard us.''

A tear escaped her mother's eye as she stroked her hair. Blair's arms fell to side and she started retreating to her room, flinching from mother's touch.

''Why didn't you tell your mom the truth'' she continued crying, even after Blair closed the doors and locked them, something she never did. ''Where did you get that phone? Tell me!''

Jane was brokenhearted. She felt Blair has changed in past few days, but she'd never think they would lose the connection they always had. She was sad, expecting her daughter to be able to confide anything, even the most terrible things. Blair must know she'd be there for her, no matter what. She must know that, mustn't she?

''Oh, my dear'' she muttered to herself, walking away. ''Tell me so I can help you... Tell me so I can help you.''

Jane was well aware of hard life they led here. She was also aware of the effect it had on Blair. No matter what the rest of family said, Jane was always ready to treat Blair like princess, kicking and fighting to make her life easier and better. Just because Jane had to live in poverty and misery, didn't mean they had to doom their children too. Blair was shutting her off and she sat alone on the couch, feeling helpless.

Blair was still in her wet clothes, lying on her bed and crying silently into pillow. She curled up, shaking from humiliation and cold.

After a while, she unlocked her doors and let mother in. Jane helped her out of the clothes that stuck to her skin and into fresh clean pajamas. She tucked her into bed, kneeling down to talk. Mom stroked her hair saying ''I would have sent him to hell, but... He is your dad. He didn't want it to be like this. Until now, he never raised a hand towards you.''

The fact that she was daddy's girl up until this morning triggered another wave of hot tears. Blair sniffed, pulling up her blanket closer.

''If you only knew your grandfather... My dad...'' Mother went quite all of a sudden, pained look on her face. Blair reached up to her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed back, steeling herself. ''When I was a girl, young like you, he would beat me until I bled. As soon as I met your dad and started family, I ran away from him. But only God and I know what I suffered until then...''

Mother breathed in and her tone of voice became lighter. ''Sleep, my child. Your tears will dry up until morning. Just don't let your soul do the same.''

She stood up and turned off the lights, muttering as she walked out ''If only I knew where you got that phone. If only...''

Blair lay in bed in the morning, staring blankly at the wall. She cried herself to sleep last night. Her cheek was sore. Nobody came to wake her up, but she heard mom and dad bustling about outside. Dad's feet came shuffling few times on the other side of her doors, but after some hesitation walked away. She heard him asking about her, his voice dripping with guilt. Her parents mumbled something incoherently for few minutes and mom walked into her room.

''Hey, dear. Oh'' she hissed, touching Blair's chin. ''We should put something on your face. Come on, stop sulking. Breakfast is on the table. Dad is feeling sorry... I'm scared for his health.'' Blair said nothing. Mother's voice dropped to a whisper ''I told your dad it was your colleague's phone. I told him she forgot it in classroom and that you took it to get it back, panicking when he asked you about it.''

Blair looked up at her, resenting herself for not thinking of this story before. She was grateful her mom had her back, but tired of making excuses for dad. Especially playing the _health_ card which Blair sadly knew she had every right to use.

''And you will tell me the truth, of'course?'' mother suggested, frustrated with Blair's silence. ''Why won't you say anything?''

Jane walked away to kitchen when she noticed Blair getting up. Blair inhaled deeply and looked herself in the mirror. One of her eyes was faint purple and there was a cut on cheekbone under it. She stared at her reflection with absolutely no expression. Dan's voice brought her back to present, his words getting her attention.

''Dad, you should see this car I got last night. You'd go crazy if you saw it. There was this girl who ran off in the middle of the rain. Their girls are like their cars, they leave you in the middle of the road.''

''The car is a real beast'' he continued, his voice muffled with food. ''The guy doesn't even understand it and that's why he doesn't know how to appreciate it.''

''Did you solve the issue in the end?'' dad asked, always putting honor on first place.

''You bet I did. I've been up all night fixing it.''

''Alright, take good care of it so we don't have any troubles.''

''What troubles? He received a phone call in the middle of the night and took off, not bothering to see who he left car to.''

Blair decided to walk in the kitchen in that moment, her head held high. This story was too familiar to her to be made up. It was about Chuck and her. She caught dad's eyes and quickly looked away.

''Here comes early bird'' mocked Dan, stuffing himself with waffles. He was completely oblivious to last night's scene. ''What's with your face?''

Blair tried to hide that side of face with hair, but clearly it didn't work.

''Nothing'' she whispered surprised to hear herself so hoarse. When she got back from the bathroom, dad was gone and Dan stopped on his way to bedroom.

''Don't overreact'' he teased, bags under his eyes showing off how tired he was. ''Put five layers of make up and you're good to go.''

''Dan'' she seethed as he laughed and slammed door in her face. Mom told him that she fell on her face, story very much realistic considering a car almost hit her few days ago.

If only she could afford that much make up. She sat on the table, clinging to her chest as coughing fit seized her.

''I'll make you some tea'' mother got up without finishing her breakfast. ''You must have caught cold last night, lying down in wet clothes.''

_Later on_

She was getting ready to go to class, dressed in black turtleneck and jeans. Her boots were in the bag and she only had to touch up her make up to finish. Mom walked into the room, staring at little cosmetic she had; half used bottle of liquid foundation, blush and cheap mascara.

''What's with the make up'' she asked, her face stern.

''Look at my face'' Blair snapped, pointing at the cut that was still visible. ''I'm trying to hide this and the bruise. ''

''Look, dad left for work and Dan is asleep. Leave before they see you.'' Putting hands in her pocket, she added quietly ''and stop sulking.''

''He doesn't even care about me'' Blair whispered, brushing her curls.

''I don't want to hear that. It doesn't even matter. You have to respect your father. Tell me what happened with the phone.''

Blair leaned down to zip up her bag, avoiding mother's eyes. ''I don't have anything to say, stop questioning me about it.''

Jane's eyes narrowed and she cocked her head. ''Don't tell me... Don't tell me you...''

''I what?'' Blair asked curiously.

''Don't tell me you took it... Without asking...''

''What?'' Blair flipped, raising her voice and challenging her mother. ''Say it! Ask me if I stole it!''

Theft was something nobody in the family even dare mention. They were very conservative and kept to strict principles. Just thinking Blair was capable of doing something disgraceful like that completely insulted her and her pride.

''Don't shout'' Jane whispered forcefully, clutching the ends of her sweater. ''You'll wake up Dan.''

''And dad?'' Blair said, her smile sad.''He can't even say it!''

She was getting louder and angrier, continuing ''But he sure as hell can slap me for it!''

''Blair'' mother pleaded,cocking her head. ''Tell me the truth so I can believe you.''

''Which truth do you wish to believe? What's worse version? That I am a stealer because of a phone... Or that I was just ashamed.''

Mother looked at her in pity. She couldn't stand it. Blair opened the doors to walk into the kitchen when she was ambushed by dad and Dan. Father's face was cold and distant, completely different than she was used to. ''Get back in your room'' he ordered.

When she didn't move, he raised his voice and bellowed it again for whole floor to hear.

Mother quickly got in front of room doors, protecting it with her body and hands. Blair shut them off and threw her bag on bed.

Dan was trying to get to her doors, shaking the knob violently and coaxing her to come outside.

''Shut up, Dan'' she heard her dad.

''Can't you see what's her new school doing to us, our family?''

''It happened and now it is over. We won't talk about it again. No more college from this day on!'' News hit her with such force she inhaled sharply. She felt lightheaded for a moment. No more college? What, she's supposed to leave that new life behind? Leave Chuck behind? She didn't want to be concierge's daughter anymore. College was her oasis, a completely new life that had nothing to do with this now.

'Bob'' mother exclaimed, mortified at such speech.

''One problem today, another one tomorrow'' he shouted at all of them. ''Who knows what else will happen because of that school. She's done with it.''

Next morning, when they were all gone from the house, Blair tried to sneak out, but mom's voice made her pause. She knew Blair too well to not foresee this.

''You must have gone mad. Where do you think you're going?''

''Class.''

''Class?'' her mother hissed, her eyes wide open.

''If it takes, I'll jump through window to get there'' Blair said stubbornly.

''Fine'' mom replied calmly, getting back to peeling potatoes. ''Enjoy your classes. Be sure to stop by on bus station on your way back. We're moving back to village. Dad has been looking for an excuse for years to go back there and you're just handing him one.''

She stared at her mother, rooted to the spot. She was sure she wasn't kidding.

''And then you can do your make up and play dress-up with grandma as you go together in field to dig potatoes!''

Blair took off her boots and sat on the couch angrily, decidedly staring at a turned off TV.

''Come on, dear'' her mother said softly, relieved as she stayed home. ''Let's go upstairs. I have to clean number eleven and you can help me.''

Blair nodded, never refusing to help mom. She was trying hard not to cry.

''Look at me'' Jane raised her voice slightly and knelt by her daughter. ''You won't solve this by crying. Let this be a lesson to you. You'll speak the truth to me. I will protect you. Is it clear?''

Blair looked down upon her hands, saying nothing.

''I will deal with your father'' her mom continued, mildly sad with her lack of response. ''Mom won't abandon you in this hell hole or that village.''

They were cleaning number eleven when Blair took the mop out of mom's hands. ''Let me. I may as well learn how to clean since I'm not going to college.''

''What are you talking about?'' Jane asked annoyed. ''What did I say earlier downstairs? Don't you trust me? Oh, god.''

Blair quietly cleaned Humphrey apartment. She didn't want to argue with anyone anymore. She just wanted to be left alone for a day. Actually, she wanted to go to college and talk to Chuck. He's the only one who could understand this situation with her father.

Jenny rushed downstairs from the room, late for class. She paused at the sight of Blair. ''What, college is too boring for you?''

Her tone of voice was patronizing. Blair decided to ignore it and waited until she left. As door opened, she heard familiar voices in the hall from apartment across. Blair took magazines, on the pretense of throwing them in trash. She opened the doors again after Jenny left and listened Georgina and her step-mother arguing in their flat. It appeared Diana wanted to send her to America to college. Blair would have been jealous if she wasn't so shocked and disgusted at the thought of her only friend being sent away by force. Georgina was out of her mind, her rant interrupted with sobs.

"You'll regret this, Diana. I swear you will! Dad will never forgive you! " she raged.

Diana was a mistress of Mr. Sparks even while his wife was still alive. She found out about them and died with that information, not before sharing it with her daughter.

It was clear why these two hated each other. Blair felt deeply sorry for Georgina, wishing she could come there and help her. But no, she had to learn how to clean. College was apparently - over.

Two hours after, they were done with Humphrey's apartment. Blair locked their doors behind as mother talked to some woman in business suit in the hall. They were in front of Sparks apartment and woman soon left. The sound of her expensive heels was the only noise in silent hall.

''Who was that?''

''Georgina's new tutor. They were supposed to have class, but I guess nobody is home'' her mother replied, shaking her head. She rang the bell few more times.

''Georgina was home all along.''

''I guess she went away.''

''Where would she go'' Blair said sarcastically, knowing well that Georgina was grounded and had no friends beside Blair. She knocked couple of times, each time using more force. Why wasn't she answering? Even if she was under the shower, she'd still hear the bell. Sulking alone after a fight wasn't her kind of thing. Georgina would immediately seek out Blair and dish everything in order to release some of the anxiety. Blair remembered Georgina's words from earlier; _You'll regret this, Diana. I swear you will! Dad will never forgive you!_

Fear struck her heart. Her hands shook as she reached towards her mother.

''Blair, what's wrong?'' her mother asked concerned. ''

''The key! Do you have the key for Sparks apartment?''

''Blair, I don't understand-''

''Mom!'' she shouted in desperation. ''Please, hurry.''

Astounded Jane took long chain out of her pocket. It was attached to numerous keys and on each was written a number. ''Here...''

''Georgina!'' Blair called out as she fumbled with the lock and entered the apartment. It was eerily quiet inside. She finally found her on bed, eyes closed, her skin paler than ever. Empty bottle of pills lay on the floor.

''Oh, Lord!'' her mother exclaimed terrified. ''She took all those pills?''

''Georgie'' Blair shook her violently, trying to wake her up. It didn't work, Georgie was limp and cold.

She never let go of Georgie's hand. Not even while her mother cried on the phone, talking to 911. Not even when paramedics barged in to revive her. Not even when they said Blair couldn't ride with them in vehicle. Mom stayed at home to wait for Diana. She wasn't answering her cell and Blair was anxious to see Georgina safe and well.

Her frustration grew with the hours and each 'No Miss, still no news' from the nurse behind the counter.

Blair never prayed. She would look at her parents, murmuring quietly before every meal, getting clean Sunday clothes for church and calling out to divine force after every misfortune. Blair never found God, until she needed him. She prayed while pacing in busy hospital lobby, she prayed while getting coffee out of a machine, she even prayed while washing her hands in the bathroom.

She was so young.

Too young.

''She hates me'' said Diana hour later, tears streaming down her face, clutching shopping bags as if her life depended on it. ''She did this because she hates me. She never loved me. I only wanted to help her.''

A sob escaped her as she continued. ''I was only trying to take care of her problems. I wanted her to accept me. I really did.''

''Please'' Blair pleaded, ''don't talk like that. It's not over yet.''

Diana carried on as if she didn't hear it. ''I will always be an evil step-mother to her. Someone that took her mother's spot. It will never change.''

Her tears threatened to spill again. They were always on edge, as if still unsure about the time when to fall. Blair hastily grabbed Diana's hand and squeezed lightly. Diana looked at her strangely, but didn't recoil.

''It's only natural she misses her mother. But maybe she doesn't need that right now. She's very lonely, you know? Maybe she just needs a friend.''

Diana sniffed and clasped Blair's hand. ''Thank you. For everything.''

After a period of Diana arguing over the phone with Mr. Sparks who wasn't coming due to _full flight_, Blair led her to room the hospital staff set up. Nurse walked in without any news, bringing a pill for Diana. Jane followed suit.

''But I don't want to calm down'' she sniffed. ''I want to wait.''

Despite her poor attempt at a struggle, Diana dosed off instantly. Blair got up to catch some air and stretch her legs, leaving mother to watch over for Diana and news.

Her mind reeled, wondered, jumped from one scene to another. What will happen now? What would happen if she never insisted to go inside the apartment?

She almost lost her only childhood friend. A wave of grief swept through her mercilessly. Cold bench pressed against her thighs as she sat. The shock woke her up out of the depressing daze. Blair wrapped sweater around her torso tightly, accidentally bumping her elbow against the stranger beside. She barely even saw him. He was dressed in black, almost blending with the night. His back was hunched, dark hair spilling over pale fingers.

''Sorry'' she mumbled, not sure if he heard her.

Boy's head whipped up after a moment. ''Blair?''

''Chuck?'' she croaked out, suddenly very aware of her red nose and messy ponytail. He didn't look so good either. His usual pristine clothes was crumpled, his skin unnaturally pale and there was slight stubble on his jaw. ''What are you doing here?''

''My friend'' he cleared his throat. ''Nate had an accident while. I've been here for past three days.''

''My friend - my friend had an accident too''she whispered with sadness etched in her voice. ''How is Nate? Is he okay now?''

''He's fine. The first day was the hardest. We're checking out tomorrow, just a minor concussion.''

''You don't look like you've been home.'' She looked at him as he dropped his eyes low, a shadow crossing his face. ''Your parents must be worried.''

''They are.'' She imagined a note of irony to his voice. ''Of'course, mom's voice sounded so bad.''

She raised her eyebrows in question. Chuck opened his mouth to say something, but it took a while until he actually did.

''My parents are not here. They are in London, on lengthy business trip.''

''My friend's dad is in Europe too. He's still not back either.''

''So'' he said lamely, his eyes searching for hers. ''You're saying this parent syndrome happens?''

''I'm sure your mother wants to be here'' she offered comforting.

He seemed to ponder this for few moments until his face paled. His figure froze in spot, eyes fixed on her. ''Who did this to you?''

Blair inhaled sharply. She completely forgot about the bruise and the cut. ''Oh, this? I - I fell. Not the most stable person, really.''

Chuck looked at her for a moment and nodded slowly. ''Did you get home safely? At Friday, I mean.''

''I did'' she whispered sadly, remembering her father's rage. How she wished she never left his car that night. How she wished she didn't push him away.

Chuck opened his mouth to say something, but quickly changed his mind and looked away. ''I got the call from hospital the moment you left. My car broke down. I couldn't find a cab because of the stupid rain and traffic. Imagine that.''

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, circles under his eyes showing off under street lamp.

''So that's why you left the car...'' she mumbled unconsciously, thinking about Dan and his story about Chuck recklessly running off into the night.

''Sorry?''

''What happened to the car?'' Blair said out loud.

''Left it with the mechanic. Didn't even get to leave my number. I'll get the car when we leave the hospital. It's close to your home, I'll find it.''

''Are you alone with your friend here?'' she went on, feeling herself worried about him. Part of her wanted to remedy what happened in the car that time, wanted to make up for the cold shoulder. ''Nobody else?''

''Serena was here too.''

She nodded, the mention of her name not at all pleasing.

''Serena is a good person. She's a good friend.'' After a moment of hesitation, he added ''Like you.''

''Like me?'' She repeated dumbfounded, and secretly very much offended. Why would he ever want to compare her to Serena? Did he think of Blair as a friend? The notion was like worms in her guts.

''I mean, you stayed out late for your friend too'' he rambled on and Blair felt he was uncomfortable in her company, as if he was rambling only to fill the awkward gaps of silence. Chuck still wouldn't meet her eye, he decidedly stared at the park in front of hospital. ''It's good to have friends.''

''At least we get to pick them ourselves'' she declared quietly, letting the cool midnight wind blow stray hair from her face.

''Exactly'' Chuck noted with small smile. ''You're reading my mind.''

They finally looked at each other, his gaze intense as ever. Blair felt a blush creeping up her cheeks, so all she did was cross her arms and fight off one shudder after another.

''Are you cold?'' Chuck asked, immediately unbuttoning his blazer.

She shook her head, too embarrassed to say anything or to explain the reason why she was shuddering.

''You're welcome'' he responded and threw his blazer around her shoulders, wrapping it tightly around her locked arms. Their fingers briefly touched and she was once again reminded of the smell of his cologne. Why was her heart racing so fast? Where did these emotions of anticipation and excitement come from? They sat there in silence, looking at each other as if they only just saw each other for the first time. His warm fingers slowly brushed over her forehead, tucking loose strands behind her ear. She felt herself leaning in, sinking into his embrace, lured by something higher. Stars reflected in his dark iris and she wondered why did nobody tell her about the galaxies in his eyes.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry about the cliffhanger. Actually; sorry, not sorry. There you go! Tell me your thoughts about this chapter! I originally posted one that had almost 7k words but I was like woah, there is too much stuff going on, I don't want to give my beloved readers heart attacks. So I just cut it in half. Until next time xxx


	6. The End Has No End

**Chapter Six**

**The End Has No End**

''Why did you say that?'' she wondered out loud, her knee nervously bumping up and down. ''That I'm lucky to have such family?''

''It's clear that you love them'' he cleared his throat after a slightly awkward silence, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. ''They must have deserved it. Is it not like that?''

Blair straightened out her back. ''I don't know. I've never looked at it that way. Family like every other. They are always there, next to me.''

''Always?'' Chuck's brows furrowed. ''Do you mean too much?''

''Always'' she sighed with roll of her eyes, just when her eye caught something past Chuck's head. It was her own mother, waiting outside Hospital's entrance. Talk about irony. She stood up, quick as a lightning. She couldn't afford any mistakes now. Blair shook off blazer and handed it back. ''Chuck, I have to go. I'll see you around.''

''Wait, you didn't tell me what room you're in-''

She was already half way towards mom. Turning around now to answer him would be completely stupid so she just walked forwards, pretending she didn't hear him. It took every effort she possessed not to turn around.

''Who is that?'' mother asked suspiciously.

''Just a patient.''

''What were you talking about with a man? What was his jacket doing on you?''

''I was sitting there'' she confidently said, chill wind grazing her flushed skin. ''He came, saw that I was cold and gave me his jacket. It would have been rude to say no.''

''Come on'' mom ordered, trying to glimpse Chuck in this dark night. ''Let's go inside.''

The walk back to room was quiet. Hospital seemed to fall into slower pace also, only few doctors moving about in rushed manner, patients all asleep and few visitors in line for coffee with tired look.

''I wish you never left village'' Blair suddenly spoke, pained look on her face. ''I wish we grew up there.''

''Why are you saying that?''

''All things that we want are close, but unreachable'' she whispered, thinking of Chuck. ''It's a nightmare.''

Mom hugged Blair's shoulder. Her eyes were serious and penetrating. ''Don't talk like that. _I'll touch, _say_. It is all mine.'_'

Her grip tightened and Blair felt her heart exploding with nostalgia for life never tasted. She wished she could be one of the people of Chuck's kind. She wished she could lead a life similar to his. Maybe then, they would have a chance together. There was a connection she felt to him, but their differences were overshadowing everything. Blair never stood a chance against Serenas of the world.

''But don't say it's unreachable, my child. Don't say it's far.''

She was woken up by frantic voice of her mother, early in the morning. Or maybe was it late morning? She had no idea when she fell asleep last night. The mere thought that Chuck may be in some room next door kept her awake for hours. Blair rubbed her eyes tiredly and put on her shoes, surprised to see Diana's bed empty.

She was even more surprised that an hour later, she was sitting on Georgina's bed and talking to her as if nothing ever happened. Except for her mom bustling about in Spark's apartment, Georgina's scrappy voice and loads of mom's homemade soup, everything would have been as it was day before.

''So'' Blair explained, sighing in frustration. ''I'm home now, helping mom.''

''Don't be ridiculous.'' Georgina propped herself on her elbow and pulled covers around herself. ''Are you normal? You're dropping out of college because of some stupid lie about stupid phone.''

''I don't want it either, but I have to. It's done. My only worry is that I'm not sent off back to village.''

''Is your dad crazy? You're eighteen. He can't keep you locked up in the house. He can't force you back to village.'' Georgina coughed, her throat worked up with all this talking.

''Have some soup'' Blair advised, not in the mood to mull about her pathetic life and family.

''I can't believe it'' she continued after gulping. ''This is total bullshit. What century are we living in? Why did you lie to them, Blair?''

''Doesn't matter anymore'' she brushed it off knowing well how fascinated and obsessed Georgina was with Chuck.

They were interrupted with knock and Diana saying ''Blair, your dad wants you to come home immediately. Georgie darling, Charlie is here.''

Charlie was Georgina's beautician. She scurried in the room and brought manicure water and instruments.

''Oh-uh'' Georgie said to her friend, lazily handing Charlie her hand. ''I hope everything is fine.''

Blair's gaze fell on already polished Georgina's nails and dropped at her own; short and shineless. She quickly hid them in sleeves of her sweater.''We'll see. I'll come by later.''

She took two steps at the time until she found dad in front of front doors.

''Come on, Blair'' he spoke urgently, nudging her towards the doors. ''We have to go. Dan had an accident.''

It was the kind of accident you don't end up in hospital, but in police custody. They arrived there as soon as possible. It appeared Dan was involved in car theft. Father kept praying under his breath, his hands shaking. ''I should have called his boss. I should have let him know he may not come today. He'll be worried.''

''It's okay, dad. I have it.'' Blair fidgeted with her bag and fished out dad's old phone with her number inside. They were standing in front of administrative doors, waiting to be let in and hear what was going on. ''Let me turn it on.''

When phone chirped up, a text message flashed on the screen.

**Chuck:**

_Will I ever hear from you again?_

Her insides shrunk and expanded, setting loose to flurry of butterflies. The phone has been off for days and she only read it now. She hadn't been to classes, therefore complete contact with outside world had been ceased. Blair missed Constance, classes and even Chuck. Most of all, Chuck.

''What is that?'' dad asked, trying to peek over. He narrowed his eyes, trying to see without his reading glasses.

''Nothing'' she quickly deleted the message and looked straight ahead. There, walking out of the elevator were Chuck in person and an older man beside him. Judging by the same nose and low brows, it must have been his father.

Chuck kept cold expression on his face, looking around annoyed while his father spoke through gritted teeth. They were walking towards her, but still oblivious to her presence.

''They'll do anything not to pay. We'll squeeze them'' his father lectured, hard glint in his beady eyes. ''I can't believe you're making me pay for your mistakes this early in the morning.''

''I have to use the rest room'' she blurted out and quickly ran away from her own dad, dodging the Bart family. Blair shut the doors behind her and she leaned on them, breathing heavily. Did Dan really steal Chuck's fancy car?! What the hell has been happening?

After coming to her senses, she slowly opened the doors; just enough so she could hear and see what's going on. Her dad was sitting on the seat next to Chuck, both completely unaware of each other's existence and importance. He was staring at a wall tiredly, waiting for her.

''Well, sorry to disturb your beauty sleep'' Chuck mocked grudgingly.

''Chuck, don't test me'' Mr. Bass seethed. ''The only reason you're not here alone is because of that car. Don't forget that.''

''No, father'' Chuck quietly said, his jaw working. ''I won't. I already know that car is more valuable to you than I will ever be.''

''Chuck, spare me the drama. I'm not one of your friends and this is not one of your insignificant little problems. This is serious.''

''So it's my fault? And not the guy who stole it?''

Blair watched her dad more closely. He seemed to be more disturbed as the conversation progressed. His hand shook, his mouth set in deep frown, very well familiar with that _thief_. It was no one else but his own blood, his pride, his son.

''You can't give that kind of car to a punk! Of'course it's only your fault.''

''How was I supposed to know he was gonna steal it?!''

She couldn't bear it any longer. Her dad seemed to be in deep pain and there was nothing she could do about it, being stuck in this stupid toilet with her stupid insecurities. She felt the noose tightening around her neck and Blair tried to fight with all her might. Shame rose like a wave and crashed over her tender flesh.

She heard a muffled voice calling them to enter a room in front. She quietly left the rest room and only got a glimpse of bruised Dan and the officers inside as the door shut in her face. Blair sat on the seat in front and listened as they did a review of damage and action. Young officer strode past her, winking after glancing at her legs and she shot him a look that clearly stated: _as if._

''I'm not mad at this poor fellow'' Mr. Bass' deep voice said. ''It's hard to resist temptation. If you don't know who to entrust certain things, you'll get tenfold worse back.''

There was short silence and Chuck's tiredness ringing through room; ''Father-''

An unknown voice (probably senior officer) cleared his throat and said. ''Mr. Bass, let's revise. You left your car at mechanic shop with Mr. Dan Smith?''

''Yes'' confirmed Chuck.

''Well, I told you I didn't steal it'' Dan shouted annoyed.

Blair was so irritated right now that it took all she had not to come there and slap him. The nerve of him! Instead of being silent, he made an effort to make a show out of the case.

''Shut up'' one of the officers said.

''See'' Mr. Bass' patronizing tone explained. ''He is right. He didn't steal it. You let him enjoy it. And he did it.''

''When we saw picture of the car'' first officer continued on, ''we thought it might be grand theft auto.''

There was a sound of paper rusting.

''Are you going to press charges?''

''Why should I sue this guy? I'd rather sue my son.'' His drawl was lazy and menacing. Deep down, Blair felt sorry for Chuck. Hundreds of her dad's slaps could never rival with this sort of brutality. ''The only thing you missed to do is wrap a damn bow around the car. Pretty as a present. You gave milk to a cat and she drank it. Is it the cat's fault?''

The monologue was shortly interrupted with the sound of a phone call.

''Yes?'' Mr Bass answered. ''Why?''

There was a deep sigh. ''The insurance won't cover the cost. You're on your own now. You'll pay for your stupidity.''

''You're here because of the legal part of problem'' officer no. 1 patiently spoke. ''Are you pressing charges?''

Blair held her breath. Pressure pumped against the skull of her head and ribs. They were doomed if he says yes. They'll be out on the street by tomorrow.

''Yes, we're pressing charges'' Mr. Bass furiously declared. ''You thief! You would enjoy a car you could never afford? Do you know how much sole wheel of the car costs?''

''Then why did you leave it in the middle of nowhere if it was so valuable to you?'' Dan jumped in, frustration laced in his voice.

There was a stunned silence.

''You heard that? He's playing with us now. I've lost plenty of time. Do what you have to do, immediately.'' There was the sound of chair scraping and feet shuffling. ''Chuck, go get that junk. You'll fix it yourself.''

''Mister'' dad finally spoke up, his voice proud and humble at the same time. ''It's on us to pay the damage.''

Another wave of silence.

Her phone interrupted the tension. Blair quickly got up and walked away a little a bit for some privacy to answer it.

''Thank God'' mom exclaimed through phone. ''At least you answered.''

''Mom-''

''What is going on? I can't reach neither dad nor Dan.''

''Mom, I have to go. I'll call you back later'' Blair whispered quickly as she spotted Mr. Bass exit the room, followed by Chuck. She hid behind the plant and hung up.

''If he sold his entire family, he'd barely be able to repay the damage'' Mr. Bass huffed at his son as they left.

''Dad'' she called out as her own family came after.

''How are we going to pay it?'' Dan shrugged his shoulders. ''It would be better if I went to jail.''

''We are going to pay it'' dad said uncertainly. ''Somehow. But how are you going to repay your parents the debt of your conscience? How?''

''I stole one night out of their lives. And I'll be paying it until I'm dead.''

Nobody in the house slept that night. They were all drowning in the same nightmare. The hardest part was telling the story to mother. Her sobs could be heard through out the entire night, weeping and clutching her little flower-printed kerchief, a reminder of young days. That little kerchief held most prized treasure; three golden bracelets. She planned to give one to Blair at her wedding day, one for future daughter-in-law and third to oldest grandchild. She was well aware of the fact it would be only gold she would ever posses in this life. And now she was forced to sell it, just so they could pay off the first rate. After gripping the bracelets tightly for hours, she suddenly opened her palm and dropped them on the floor without second glance. It was tragic how her all life and dreams could be sold for such little sum in big world. Only one rate.

It was somewhere after midnight when Blair's phone buzzed with message.

**Chuck**:

_I'm really worried about you._

She steeled herself and deleted the message. Blair hadn't been attending college for days and they last met in the hospital. Was he really worried?

No, she brushed the thought away. It doesn't matter. Everything changed. Dan was right. He fancied himself as one of them and it cost him everything he had. She was the same. She pretended to be one of them and it only gave her sleepless nights and restless soul.

After few minutes, he called her. She boldly rejected the call, a rebel tear escaping her eye.

The wall between them now stood tall, imposing as ever. Blair would always be part of this crooked world, few steps lower than everyone else and even farthest from his golden throne. There was no point in denying the truth.

* * *

She was woken up by voices near her window in the morning.

She recognized shrill voice of Diana and deep bass of her father.

''No, don't be angry at her'' Diana said. ''She didn't tell me. Your wife did.''

''Mrs. Sparks-''

''Wait, hear me out.''

Mrs. Sparks took a deep breath, as if she wanted to get this through with. '' Blair got a taste of true success. She wants to study, she is eager to learn - I believe she deserves a chance. Do you have the right to take that away from her?''

Dad bowed down his head, appearing thousand years old. His brow creased as he pondered these words.

''Do you think she deserves such severe punishment for one mistake?'' his neighbor pursued.

''You speak right, Mrs. Sparks'' dad throttled. ''I want her to study too, so she could save herself. But that school is sometimes too complicated for us. I don't want to hold her back, but-''

''Holding back someone can have terrible consequences.'' Diana sighed sadly, remembering her own step-daughter. ''Remember that and think about it again.''

Blair lowered down the curtain when Mrs. Sparks left and plumped down on bed. Silently thanking her, Blair dared not give herself slightest hope. Hope led to ruin. Hope bred broken dreams and promises. So she did what she would always do in frightening situations like this. Blair reached under her bed and pulled out black plastic bag. Reaching inside, she fished out large books and notepads, sprawling them on bed. She found comfiest position, flipped through pages and distracted herself with homework.

Blair lost the track of the hour. When sun shone strongly enough and fell on her cold cheek, she decided to grab something to eat. There were few things in the fridge and even fewer satiable. She pondered between yesterday's casserole and making an omelette when intercom beeped, indicating call of one of the residents.

She clicked the button back and voice from the other side called out.

''Blair?'' Jenny's distorted voice came through. ''Is that you?''

After slight pause and wave of regret of answering it instead of ignoring the call, Blair confirmed it was herself. Jenny was known for rare, but pointless and ridiculous requests. This one was no different.

''I'm so glad it's you'' she breathed. ''Blair, this is an emergency.''

_Everything is an emergency to you._

''Go to cafe across and get me white chocolate mocha. Make sure the cup is porcelain.''

''What?'' Blair rolled her eyes. ''Coffee?''

''Yes'' Jenny responded, her voice suddenly changing tone. ''That cafe that we once met in. Remember?''

Blair bit her lip hard. The nerve of this little brat! Was she blackmailing her?

''My parents aren't here'' she gritted out through her teeth. ''I can't leave home empty.''

''Porcelain cup, not plastic'' Jenny sang, ignoring her completely. ''Bye.''

Blair stared at old battered machine in silence. Was she now an employee here too? Like her parents?

''Enough!'' she shouted angrily to nobody in particular, alone in the empty room. She is going to get that coffee and spill it all over Jenny's custom made pajamas. Yes, she will do that.

Blair grabbed her wallet, threw coat on and left the house.

She entered cafe, bustle and murmur of customers familiar to her. Sick feeling rolled over in her stomach at the remembrance of lies she uttered to these walls and ears. Lies that made her buy coffee for rich spoiled princesses of Upper East Side. She clenched her numb gloveless fingers around her wallet when bronzed muscled hand stretched out from the crowd and waved at her.

''Blair'' Nate greeted, smiling. Just another remainder of what a fool she'd been, thinking she could be one of them - even for few moments.

Chuck and Serena's head snapped up, their eyes wide as those of a deer, caught in flashlight of incoming car.

Blair pretended not to see them and quickly walked towards the counter.

''How may I help you?'' barista, who was approximately same age as her asked. He smiled politely, two dimples showing up on his smooth cheek.

Blair's heart pumped as she gave out her order, her voice surprisingly hoarse. ''White chocolate mocha in porcelain cup.''

She drummed her fingers on the counter impatiently.

''Hey stranger'' deep husky voice said and strong scent of familiar cologne mixed with coffee smell of the place, twirling around her in an invisible seductive dance. Chuck leaned on the counter, waving away barista's question for order and looked at her gravely.

''Hi'' she simply responded, not trusting herself to say more. It has been few days since she last saw him. Chuck looked dashing as always, paramount of elegance and perfection. It took all she had not to look his way, not to ask him how his friend was. There was a strong urge to stay with him and get to know him, but she ignored it. Blair bit her tongue.

What else was she supposed to say? Hey, by the way, my brother stole and wrecked your car. Hey, my dad owes you hundreds of thousands of dollars. He also forbids me to educate myself, hence me not going to college. Hey, I might end up on the street because you decided to drop me home and leave keys to my stupid moron of a brother.

Also, we're both aware I've been ignoring your messages and calls. How completely not awkward to see you here!

''I called you yesterday'' he twisted his head to catch her eye when she didn't look at him.

''I couldn't answer.'' Coffee menu suddenly became very fascinating to her. Barista was making her drink and threw ever so often a glance in her way. Chuck noticed it, his nostrils flaring in response.

''Well?'' he went on after she said nothing else, trying to engage her into a conversation. ''How is your friend?''

''Good'' she replied briskly, curling her fingers into fists. Blair knew she was being a bitch, but she needed to stop this farce once and for were two completely different worlds and any bridge between them was thing of an illusion, nothing else.

Another painful silence fell between them. He glared at her profile for few moments, jaw clenching and unclenching. Finally, Chuck straightened himself and spoke flippantly ''Good talking to you. I guess I'll see you at college. _If_ you decide to grace us with your presence.''

She once again bit her tongue at his cold speech, nodding. So, he noticed she wasn't going.

_If I come to college_, she thought bitterly.

_If you hire me as your cleaner one day, too._

_If we see each other at court because of your fancy car and my stupid stupid stupid brother._

Chuck lingered for few more moments, as if waiting for something. She almost turned around and met his eyes. Almost. It seemed like an eternity passed when he huffed and left her without second glance.

Blair let out a breath and stared at his broad back.

_Come back_, something in her whispered with desperation. She choked that little voice and took the order. She marched right towards and through the doors, willing herself not to look at anything but path in front of her feet.

''What did Jenny want today?'' mother asked sternly, bad mood still hanging about her.

''A coffee'' Blair sighed, sad that she didn't get to spill it on her. Her maid opened the doors and took it with rushed thanks.

''A coffee?'' Jane blanched. She recollected herself and angrily stabbed at her plate with fork. There was considerably less food than usual on it. These new expenses made them tighten their budget even more and they could all feel it. ''If she wants damn coffee let them get a personal barista too. Like maid and chef aren't enough already. Next time she calls, say that you can't do it!''

''Remember your position here'' father spoke with usual somber voice. Mother sighed and Blair inwardly rolled her eyes, prepared for another speech how we should help everyone. ''You're our daughter. Nor our colleague.''

Everyone stood still, shocked with change of attitude.

''If they need something'' he continued anger building up inside him, but calmly eating the dinner ''they may ask me or your mother.''

''I won't do it either'' mother snapped back. ''You are concierge and I'm a cleaner. We're no servants. There is a limit for everything.''

''That is true'' father replied. ''There is no good in this world, my children. No good at all.''

Everyone looked at him, waiting for an explanation of such depressing monologue.

''Our credit application got rejected.''

Mother's left cheek twitched at his words. ''I think I've lost my appetite.''

She sprang, knocking the chair behind her and shutting herself in her room. Dad followed suit.

Blair cleaned her plate and started cleaning out the table too, trying to ignore shouts and cries coming from parents' room. Dan stared blankly at the couch.

How are they going to repay the debt now?

She closed her eyes, trying to distance herself from all of it. At least for tonight.

Her mind picked up a new habit in these situations. She thought of Chuck.

* * *

''Blair'' her dad said on Monday morning. ''Don't be late to school.''

She dropped the plate she was wiping, but it fortunately didn't break. ''School? Am I going to college?''

Her voice rang with disbelief and hope. She dared to hope now, in the latest hour. Maybe she heard him wrong?

''I told you'' he repeated, calm look on his face for first time in days. ''Don't be late. It's almost time.''

She grinned, delicately kissing her dad on forehead. His cheeks flushed, glad to be in good graces in her eyes again.

''But dad-'' Dan protested.

''What?'' his dad snapped, irritated.

She barely had time to dress, brush her teeth and put on some mascara. Blair once again eagerly shoved her fancy, now almost dusty things into bag and dressed them in nearby restroom of fast food. White sheath dress with long sleeves, black tights and caramel ankle boots. She pulled down her ponytail and let her curls bounce down. She couldn't wipe the smile of her face. Blair Waldorf was back in the game and the game needed some new rules.

She walked across campus yard, her head held high. Couple of colleagues enthusiastically welcomed her back, she just nodded in return. How she missed this. The lush green lawns, bare trees, crowd of academics and tall proud building of Constance. It was period between classes and everyone wanted to catch what were maybe last rays of sunshine that month. Everyone was outside on benches, walking around in their coats and enjoying each other's company.

One company stood out more than the others have. They were dressed in high fashion, their hairstyles probably just done this morning by hairdresser. Their scent intermingled and created a new aroma; powerful, sinful and free.

Blair took a deep breath at the sight of Chuck. He was squinting against the sun, running his hand through hair.

''And how exactly are you going to pay off the new car'' one of the boys asked.

''Bank gave me credit.''

''And you'll return it with your dad's money'' the other concluded. ''Bass, you genius.''

''No, you moron'' Chuck scoffed, grimacing. ''With my own money.''

''What happened to the old car?''

''We're waiting. Mechanic's dad accepted to pay.''

''That's a lot of money'' Nate whistled. ''How is he going to pay it?''

''I felt sorry for him, honestly'' Chuck admitted. ''If you only saw his father's face when he said they will pay.''

''I'm sorry'' Nate scolded, shaking his head. ''But I'm with your dad on this one. You gave that car to guy that has seen nothing of life and you didn't even leave your number. What did you expect?''

''Did he at least enjoy it?'' one of the boys mocked, laughing hysterically and everyone joined in.

Image of beat-up Dan, staring blankly at everything and everyone, flashed before her eyes. He lay that burden on whole family, including Blair. Image of tearful mother clutching last gold she had. Image of father, defeated and miserable. She felt a sharp pang of pain. She was suffering consequences and they were here, the great company, enjoying all of this as if it was a joke they read in papers.

_Oh, yes. He enjoyed it alright _she bitterly thought.

''He had a picture of a car in his pocket'' Chuck explained, staring at something on the table.

''Great, great'' one of the boys shouted. ''His dreams came true after all!''

Once again everyone erupted in snickers.

Blair felt her face flush, hot temper overwhelming her chest and head. She didn't know what her body did. All she knew that she found herself in front of their table, hands on her hips, scowl on her face.

''Funny, right?'' she fumed loudly at their stunned faces. ''Hilarious.''

Chuck's head snapped up and he stared at her in shock. ''Blair?''

Students around them froze and turned their heads to watch the spectacle. Nobody moved a muscle.

''I wanted to come by and see how you're doing. But I see you're too busy making fun of ''dreams'' of poor people! You must be very proud of yourself.''

With those last words, she turned around and walked away, sensing burning in her eyes. He was making fun of her. He was laughing at her. She was her brother, her mother and her father. They were all laughing at her.

_No, don't cry now. Not in college. Not in front of so many people. Don't show weakness._

She inhaled deeply, rolled back in the roll of promising new student and walked towards classroom. His eyes bore a hole in her back for the whole way.

''Hey'' she weakly greeted Penelope and crashed in seat next to her.

''So they didn't lie. You're really back as they say you are.''

Blair noticed people looking at her and gossiping about her return. She never knew it would be this big of a deal, but attention somehow felt flattering.

''Where were you?'' her friend curiously asked.

''I needed to be alone for few days.''

''Because of Chuck, right?'' Penelope whispered, leaning towards her. ''I warned you. It's so typical. One girl during day and other during night.''

Blair looked at her friend strangely, as if she was talking a language she didn't understand. ''What do you mean by that?''

''You're mad at Chuck because he spent last night with his ex, Hailey.'' Penelope said raising her brow. ''Right?''

A green snake of jealousy bit her chest. Darkness lowered itself on her eyes, over her heart. She sank into despair for a painful moment, but quick look at inquiring gaze of Penelope pulled her back. She straightened her back and flipped her hair, just like she watched women in movies do when they pretended not to care.

''Not my concern. I'm not interested in who he sleeps with.'' Blair angrily flipped the pages of textbook, thinking about his dark circles under his eyes. No wonder he always looked so tired.

The class was over and she was standing with Penelope and two other girls she forgot the names of. They were obligingly filling her up on missed classes and arranging their notes by dates and relevance. ''Thanks'' Blair earnestly said.

''Blair'' Serena walked up to them, earphones hanging by her neck. Each bud had a glittering diamond, Blair noticed. ''You're back.''

The blond was grin, but the nature of it came off as forced.

''Something like that.''

''It was a noisy return, for sure'' Serena retorted, her ponytail swinging behind her. ''You're on the right track.''

''Meaning?''

''You're Upper Fifth girl. Smart, beautiful, diligent.'' A hint of smirk played on Serena's lips. Blair wanted to wipe it off badly. ''You're standing up for others now. Great act, I must say. Little hot, little cold. Congratulations.''

''I'm glad you like me'' Blair said sarcastically with fake smile, well aware this stand off was being followed by at least dozen of pair of eyes and ears. Serena somehow saw her as competition and today she was ready to fight as fiercely as she could. ''It really means a lot to me.''

''But'' she continued, clutching her notepads hardly. ''Don't try your luck. You don't really know me, _S_.''

Blair nodded towards her friends to follow her, threw icy glance to Serena and left without giving her time to respond.

''I can't believe you talked to her in such manner'' one of the girls said in amazement. Her name was apparently Iz.

''This is the best day ever'' other sighed in glee. ''I'll talk about this to my grandchildren.''

''I'll see you girls later'' Blair smirked and walked towards court yard to copy the notes. She clutched them to her chest as Chuck approached.

''Can we talk'' he impatiently asked, following her.

''No'' she spat, quickening her step.

''I know why you're angry.'' She was currently angry because even though she was dead tired of walking this fast, he appeared to be completely unfazed.

''Oh, really'' she exclaimed, sarcasm dripping like honey on hot summer afternoons. She stopped in tracks and laughed humorlessly. ''Tell me, why? Why, Chuck?''

''We were just talking about the car-''

''You don't know anything'' she whispered forcefully, shaking her head. ''You don't know those people. Those poor people are your main gossip theme. It's rude, unfair and downright pathetic. ''

Not to mention it was her very own family. It was personal, she wanted to say, but couldn't. Chuck would never understand. She tried to walk away once again, but he wasn't finished. Chuck blocked her way, intent to stand there until she hears him out.

''That man that I know nothing about, I've entrusted my car and he destroyed it'' he said darkly, his eyes narrowed. ''Is that fair?''

The students passed them, throwing curious glances at this newly forged alliance. Is the new prey on sight for great Heir? Would Blair succumb to charms of great Chuck Bass?

Blair stared back at the people around them, avoiding his eyes because he was right. She replied nothing because there was no answer to be given. He was right. What Dan did was wrong.

''I only wanted to get off easy'' he sighed with relief at her silence, thinking whatever problems they had were put aside.

''I thought you only do that at night'' she couldn't help but to snap, her upper lip curled. No matter how much she tried to not care about him, Blair couldn't do it. The fact that he slept with his ex girlfriend was a blow she wasn't expecting to hurt. Why did it hurt? Why did she care? Who was Chuck Bass to her, besides potential court opposition?

This time she brushed past him and he let her.

* * *

**A/N: **Weeeeeeell, well, well. An extra long chapter for my darlings. Here comes our little ray of sunshine, our genuine Blair. Stay tuned for some intense make up fluff in next chapter ;) Thank you all for your reviews, to every single one of you. I read them like twice a day, and actually ponder your advice. I love you all!


	7. Sailing to Nowhere

**A/N:** Dearly beloved readers, I'm sorry for this long hiatus. I was brimming with ideas, wrote them down and file got deleted (LITERALLY FOR FIVE TIMES ALREADY, I AM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED) . After small angry pause or ten, I've set down to write again, but my life suddenly turned upside down. I moved to London, most elite part of it and everything was painfully resembling to this fictional story. Now, I'm still in London, but it takes a lot of psychological force to exert myself from characters and dip into the story as I imagined it to be. Thank you for not letting this fandom die.

**Chapter Seven**

**Sailing To Nowhere**

Sea of faces; old as well as new. Beautiful as well as grotesque. Happy as well as those sorrowful ones. Only none of them did belong to her. Where was she? What was she doing in this late hour? Chuck sensed the incoming wave of strange force that never touched him before he met her. He repressed it, feeling it didn't belong with him, feeling it was like a lost zephyr of higher being that wondered into his palm of hand.

He took a long sip of scotch. Serena moved seductively on dance floor, ever so often throwing glances towards him. Nate twirled her, drunk on laughs he evoked from his beautiful blonde partner. Chuck watched them dance together. His eyes flickered to empty seat next to him and felt sudden sharp stab. Was he jealous?

Impossible. Chuck Bass is never jealous. He has all he could wish for.

Except for Blair.

A pair of long tanned legs blocked his view. Short flashy dress, full lips, long lashes, deep cleavage.

Fake. Pretentious. Clingy.

''Hailey'' he nodded as the girl sat next to him uninvited.

''Chuck Bass'' she purred. ''Did you miss me?''

One shag or two and they already think themselves entitled. ''How's Milan? Still modelling?''

''Boring without you. I'm thinking about moving back here. Let's get away, like we used to.'' Her perfume settled around him like venom in a blood system. It spread around, poisoning everything it touched.

In a flash, Serena showed up at their booth, dragging Nate behind. ''Hailey'' she breathed out, fire in her eyes. ''Still chasing what you can't get?''

''Serena, still single among these handsome boys?''

Chuck got up suddenly and fixed his bow. ''Let's go, Hailey.''

Model looked around triumphantly, not just at Serena, but at everyone in club; for it was the only club with people who meant something in New York. Whispers followed them, talks about Prince of Darkness coming back after short slumber. Crowd parted before them, letting them do what Prince was best at.

Chuck walked out, inhaling deeply the fresh night air. Cold breeze rustled his scarf and he hissed few lines to valet stationed at the front doors. Valet looked dumbfounded and did as young mister told him to do.

''Quick, babe'' Hailey cooed. Her claws stuck on his shoulders. He gently took them down. Vulture. ''I can't wait to get my hands on you when we get home.''

Offering a smile, he ushered her in the awaiting cab. Chuck waved at her lazily, smile turning to full grin, and slammed the doors without getting in. Car sped off immediately, taking Hailey far away from him.

Chuck got into his limo that rolled behind and ordered the driver to go home. It was still early to flee the party, but he realized he had never been this bored in his life. Same people. Same music. Same stuff. He felt annoyed and tired of it. Taking his phone out of the pocket, his finger hovered over certain number.

Blair's.

After what felt like an eternity, he turned the phone off with a sigh.

* * *

Days at home were as stormy as ever. Dan was trying to find new job, since he got fired from last one. Unfortunately for everyone, nobody wanted to employ a thief. Dad was angry, mother was grief stricken. Blair busied herself with homework.

When her head wasn't buried in books, she endeavored to avoid the IT group at all costs, especially Chuck Bass. It hurt too much to even think about him. Blair would often dream perfect scenarios of their reconcilition, but reality was a severe judge and brought her painfully down to Earth too many times. As the fate would have it to punish her, she would often run into him or see him looking in her direction from far away. He never made an effort to approach or talk to her. She thought she would be relieved, but instead felt extremely annoyed.

One day, chance put her in a fortunate position of an eavesdropper. She rounded the corner during one of classes she had free, but upon perceiving Chuck and Nate - retreated. Something greater than instinct rooted her to hidden spot where she could hear all they were saying.

''Don't worry, I'll support you in everything'' Chuck drawled. ''Even in something as stupid as TV project. Honestly, Nathaniel. Your grandfather would have a good laugh.''

''Nobody has to know about this'' Nate responded, slightly panic stricken. ''I just wanted to take a little break from management. Besides, like you're any better. You, my friend, are defeated.''

''Let's not jump to conclusions. There is something about Blair that wildly attracts me. '' His hand passed through hair in frustration. ''And tires me at the same time.''

Oh, God they were talking about her. There was no way she would miss on this opportunity. She leaned further into shadows and strained her ears to head whatever they were about to say.

''And that's why you cure your loneliness and defeat in Hailey's water bed?''

''What Hailey?'' Chuck asked with obvious confusion on his face.

''You know. _That_ Hailey'' Nate winked. ''From Milan.''

Blair already heard about this story. There was a sick feeling rolling in her stomach. That girl was the last person she wanted to hear about. She turned around to go when Chuck's words stopped her.

''I got her a cab and sent her home last night. Alone.''

''No!'' His best friend covered his face with hands and exclaimed. ''First of all, you ditched _us_. Us! And then you left the club with Hailey and her boobs. _Then _you hailed taxi and sent her away?''

''Exactly.''

After some contemplation, Nate whispered half-joking. ''Shame on you, man. Really,you're embarrassing us.''

Blair couldn't keep a smile off her face. She silently retreated and almost screamed from happiness. Georgina called her for 4th time that day, but as each previous time, they couldn't talk because Blair's class was starting. She felt bad for her friend, but also encouraged her to employ more time in studying so they can finally attend the same school, as they always planned. With some feeling of uneasiness did Blair note Georgina's increased fascination with Chuck. They never even met, but she would talk as if they had been lovers for some time. However unwilling to admit it, it did bother Blair.

Penelope was distracted all day. She kept receiving texts and claiming they were nothing. Blair knew she was lying because she could see how excited they made her friend feel.

''Penelope'' Blair called out and the end of the class. ''Penelope, I'm talking to you.''

''What?'' she got off from her seat startled, as if only just now noticing students getting out of classroom.

''What is wrong with you?''

''Are you the only one that is allowed to be bit mysterious?''

Blair shrugged away such comment, successfully repressing the blush that was creeping on her cheeks. ''Do you want to get some coffee before next class?''

''N-no, I'm skipping this one. I... have some stuff to do. At home.''

''You're terrible.''

They walked out, passing Nate in their stride. The handsome boy raised his arms with comically innocent look.

''I'm spoiled'' he bellowed at Blair. ''I'm rich, but I'm not carrying any guns.''

Penelope laughed, bit too loud for anyone's ears. Blair couldn't help to roll her eyes. Just as they walked away, Serena and Chuck passed them to join Nate. The blond girl threw them icy glance while her friend adamantly stared straight ahead. Blair's heart was about to burst out of her ribs.

''What are we waiting for?'' she asked impatiently as they all gathered. ''Let's go.''

''Nothing'' Nate scratched his head. ''We'll go in a minute.''

Blonde boy was looking around suspiciously and upon noticing what he was waiting for, reverted his eyes towards Chuck. He then nodded his head frantically and winked with right eye several times. Serena observed everything with air of a person completely familiar with schemers and their types of schemes.

''What's with you two? What are you up to?''

''What?'' Nate blurted out, wide eyes too innocent. ''What do you mean?''

''See you guys later'' Chuck waved them off and disappeared, leaving them without a glance.

''Where is he going?'' Serena rolled her eyes, obviously displeased by the reduction of the company.

''Oh, it's nothing.''

Blond girl didn't take her eyes off retreating figure. Like a spy following state enemy, she wasn't lost on a single detail. So that bill that Chuck slipped into janitor's hand was obvious to her as the sun was to people outside.

''What are you up to?'' she demanded with hands on her hips. It wasn't like them to leave her out of the stuff like this. Whatever they did, they did it together. They were inseparable trio; trio fantastico. Her posture relaxed and she smiled. ''It's okay, you'll tell me all about it at tea at Page's this afternoon.'' It was a tea party indeed. They not only served milk and water with it, but absurd amounts of vodka and whiskey. Also, scones.

''Well... I can't come. I have some stuff to do. At home.''

* * *

Blair was almost out of the school gates when her phone rang.

''Yes, Penelope?'' she sighed, fetching her bus pass out of the pocket.

''Blair!'' her voice sounded urgent and words rushed. ''Did you get out yet?''

''No, not yet. Just about to. Why?''

''Oh, thank God! Listen, I've accidentally left my necklace in last class. Can you please get it for me?''

Blair groaned, rolling her eyes. She looked at the watch, seeing she had half an hour more before dad started making a fuss. It was her first day in school after all and it wouldn't be wise to risk his fury.

''Please please please! It was my dad's gift, it's so precious to me. Please B, I beg you-''

Blair's ego was absolutely weak to begging and she succumbed, partly because Penelope was her friend after all. If Blair cherished anything, that was friendship.

''Ugh, fine. Spare me the details. But you owe me lunch.''

''Of'course! Thank you so so much.''

She went back to empty building, her heels echoing with a creepy, desolate sound. It took her a while to get to auditorium that hid Penelope's necklace. Blair entered the room, completely oblivious to eyes carefully watching her. She found the spot where they sat and looked around the floor and on all seats. It was nowhere to be found. She puffed in frustration when husky voice astounded her.

''Looking for this?'' he asked with a cheeky smile on his face. In his hands was necklace Penelope wore today.

She bit inside of her cheek and her heart sped up. Very slowly, she descended the stairs and approached the table he was sitting at. Her pale hands leaned on the table. ''Yes'' she confirmed, offering him a tight smile. ''Bass, hand it over.''

Chuck said nothing. His hand was still in the air, slightly swinging the necklace as if taunting her. His eyes burned with strange fire, luring her to come closer. ''Say please.''

Leaning towards him, she but half pretended to fall under his charms. Coming close enough. she tried to snatch the jewelry away, but he was quicker. His smug smile grew, finding this all too very amusing and pleasing. He leaned in too, almost touching her. She was frozen in spot, breathing in his musky scent. Chuck didn't seem to be satisfied with this position. He slowly got up and rounded the table, coming to stand close to her as one can. He offered her the necklace and she gingerly took it, waiting for him to pull back and at the same time relishing in the brief touch of their fingers.

''You have to know you're not here by accident'' he cocked his head, leaning on the desk.

She tried to fight the smile of her lips, but unsuccessfully. Of'course she knew. This was Chuck Bass. And she was Blair.

''Penelope?'' she said her words dripping with incredulity and doubt. Betrayed by one of her own. ''Really?'' Chuck just shrugged.

''This is nonsense'' she tried to sound stern, but her voice was rebelling and came off as amused. ''I mean, what's the point of all of this?''

He straightened his back and lavished the most charming look Chuck Bass had in his possession. ''I just wanted to talk. You gave me no other choice.''

She could feel herself being lifted of the ground and carried away to some far away spheres. One look from him was all it took for her heart to drum against her rib cage violently. As all waves sear tall and mighty through the sea, they fall with a crash on burning sand and disappear as nothing but foam. That's how Blair's elevation was brought down to crude stones with names carved in it. Names of her family members.

Impossibility. Not just impossibility, but danger and shame.

She stuffed the necklace into her bag and fled away from him. She was step away from doors when desperation laced with anger in his voice stopped her.

''Blair'' he called out, frown on his face. ''Why do you keep pushing me away?''

She felt her heart dropping to floor, like a ball of steel dragging down the drowning man to the depths of freezing river.

''Just answer me that. No excuses. Right now'' he demanded, taking advantage of her pause. He took a step closer, his voice now softer, his eyes penetrating. ''Tell me, why?''

She rubbed her neck in panic, her imagination fancied there was a rope around it. It was merely his voice, tone she never heard him use before, a tone that may have belonged to Cupid himself, that drew her to doubt. She doubted herself and her decisions. Did her lies mean more than she thought them to be? Were they to be her ruin? Were they to be her guillotine, leaving her deprived of all the treasures she came to find in this school; acceptance, friends, maybe even - maybe even love.

''The truth?'' Blair croaked out, willing herself to gather courage and to look him straight in the eyes. The moment came, now or never. She shall either doom herself or secure his affection forever.

''The truth...''

''I...'' she began, nervous shudder passing her body. All of a sudden, doors of auditorium that were opened -shut down. Sound of key locking them in echoed around. They were frozen with shock but soon jumped to the doors, banging and shouting ''Let us out! We're still in here! Open the door!''

Whoever closed it, ignored them and their footsteps, first loud, slowly died out.

Blair was furious. She looked at him with look worthy of Medusa and he raised his arms in defense. ''This has nothing to do with me.''

She hastily threw her bag and coat on floor and fished out her phone. As it was the case whenever was Chuck around, she lost track of time and was already late to get home. This was her first day back in school and she already blew it. ''No signal'' she whispered, feeling more desperate than angry with each passing moment.

''There's no signal here'' Chuck informed her loudly, without hearing what she said.

''I know!'' Blair barked at irritated with his lazy attitude.

''Blair'' he said what he thought was comforting way, but only served to infuriate her further. ''Calm down.''

''How am I supposed to calm down? I'm late because of your idiocy! And now we're locked!''

Chuck turned away from her, pinching the bridge of his nose. ''I'm sorry for my _idiocy_, okay?'' he said, vividly angry. ''If I knew it would be all for nothing, I wouldn't even try.''

Blair seemed to pay no thought to this rather painful comment, but she turned around and continued to scream for help, scream at closed doors. After her voice was spent, she passed every square meter of auditorium, with her phone in the air hoping to catch the signal. Fear was creeping up her spine, evoking worst scenarios that awaited her home. She was doomed, father would never let her go back to college after today. Maybe he would send her to village. Probably.

She caught Chuck's eye. All this time, he casually sat in one of the chairs carefully watching her. A cloud settled itself on his brow and refused to leave. Blair slid on the floor whispering ''I'm doomed...''

''Look Blair'' he groaned in frustration. ''If you think this all part of my plan and that I'll get the key out my pocket - you're overreacting.''

She buried her head in hands, her anger boiling at every word he said.

''I'm sorry'' he continued dramatically. ''But I don't have the key.''

''How nice'' she seethed, glaring at him. ''We're here because of you and I'm the one overreacting!''

Chuck shot out of his seat and narrowed his eyes. ''Why do you have to be this annoying?''

''Annoying?'' she repeated, bewildered and slightly surprised by the way they talked, even fought, freely. She secretly admitted, there was small dose of pleasure in it. ''What is so weird in the fact that I don't want to be home late? It may be completely irrelevant for you people, but it's important to us.''

''What are you talking about? Who is that _us people_ and who is _we_?''

''You don't understand'' she spoke, half sad half angry. This was the most honest conversation she had with him. And it made her feel bitter. ''Nor do others! It's like I'm the only person in this school that answers to her parents!''

''Do you not hear yourself? _They will worry. I can't stay. I can't go_. '' Chuck furrowed his brow. ''The last time I heard such words was in elementary school.''

He approached her closer and lowered his voice. ''Why are you so afraid of them? Why are you so scared of your own family?''

She looked at him, brokenhearted. It seemed like he _could_ understand. She wished to tell him everything. Would she lose him if she did?

''I'm not scared of them'' she started, her voice somewhat more tranquil and sad at the same time. ''I just don't want them to worry.''

Chuck slid next to her, their knees almost touching. ''It's nice to have someone at home that worries about you when you don't come.''

She shook her head, ''They worry so much. Especially my father.''

''Are you one of those daddy's princesses?'' he asked with smile. They both laughed.

''Hardly'' she rolled her eyes, present worries put aside from her mind.

In the midst of their laughter, Chuck took his phone out of the pocket and turned on the camera.

''What are you doing?'' Blair exclaimed hiding her face, still laughing. She tried to grab the phone playfully, but he evaded it with skill. ''Don't you dare!''

''Oh, but I do dare. No, you won't, let go of my phone you little vixen'' he chuckled and directed camera towards her. She turned her head away to hide the blushing of her cheeks. ''I want to take a picture of you. I want to remember this day.''

She was stupefied at first. The gesture seemed intimate and private. What was so special about this day that he wanted to remember it? Why did he want to take picture of her, of all people? Probably out of the same reason Blair felt undeniable attraction to him, something akin to an instinct that pulled her to him.

With delicacy he didn't fail to admire, she slowly fixed her headband and turned towards him to flash a smile. It took him a moment or two longer to remember what did he want to do with the phone in the first place.

''Let me see'' she eagerly ordered after hearing the click. They scooted over together, completely closing the space between them. ''If it's bad you have to delete it. This lightning is all wrong-''

Blair rather felt than saw him staring at her. Holding her breath, she gingerly looked back at him. His lips were parted, his eyes fixed on her mouth. What did his lips taste like, she secretly wondered. They look delicious, inviting and sweet. Her own eyes closed, but still she saw his image. Just as their tips of their noses touched, something strongly pushed Blair from behind. Somebody was trying to open the doors.

It was Nate and Penelope, both looking distracted and agitated. Blair quickly grabbed her stuff, remembering the events of today. She shoved the necklace to Penelope's hand without looking at her.

''B...'' she pleaded, casting glances towards Nate who promptly avoided them.

''I'll take Blair home'' Chuck said to his friend.

''Chuck, I've got no idea how-'' Nate explained apologetically.

''It's fine.''

Blair finally arrived home, her heart filled with dread and affection at the same time. She entered the little apartment with mixed feelings and into the deadly silence. Everyone was sitting on the couch, their faces somber and devoid of any emotion.

''Good evening'' she whispered hoarsely, fearing what awaits her. Mother avoided looking at Blair. For the first time in forever, she saw her mother lower head in defeat.

''Kid, you've arrived'' her father pronounced these words as a weatherman pronounces forecast.

''I did'' her voice started to tremble. She would rather yells and screams awaited her than this intense vague silence.

''You should be careful with buses, the night is coming early. If you miss the bus, let us know.''

''Okay, dad.'' She was feeling more and more suspicious, especially because she would have to miss around forty buses to come this late and her father knew it. Blair in the meantime took off her coat and washed her hands. Now she approached the table to eat cold supper. As she got closer, she perceived two tickets. Two bus tickets to village. If thunderstorm struck at her feet, she couldn't have been more shocked, more terrified.


	8. Lost in Game

**A/N (1): RECOMMENDED BACKGROUND MUSIC: **

Tchaikovsky: Swan Lake

**Chapter Eight**

**Lost in the game**

''The tickets?'' she exclaimed with horror, hands already trembling nervously. It has happened. Game over. One mistake and she lost. Blair's mind raced, what will happen if she is sent away?

Her hectic mind already formed a resolution. She will flee. Yes, Blair will flee. She will pack a bag quietly tonight with only most necessary stuff and escape. But where would she go? Doesn't matter, cold and wet streets of New York will be more welcoming than the farm. ''What's this about?''

Mother sighed loudly. Father raised his eyes, as to challenge anyone to contradict him and said ''Dan and I are going to village. We're selling our land.''

Blair was too struck to feel relief that she wasn't being sent back. ''Our land?''

''Yes'' he replied solemnly, letting know everyone the topic was closed for discussion. His daughter's lip quivered. Doom. _This_ is real doom.

Far away, in most remote corners of Wyoming, there were few acres of barren land and small, now almost ruined cottage. One old horse they had died long ago.

Hay in her hair. Smell of grass after rain.

The subject about this land was recently main cause of fights and cries among her parents. Mom struggled with all she had not to sell it, for it was the only land they owned. There was also an ancient secret, deep buried in hearts of Blair's parents, a secret they were never and never will be aware off. The particular reason why Jane was against this act is because it was land that still carried her long-forgotten children in her barren bosom.

Every spring, under the shade of old willow, few dozen violets bloomed. That was the only place in miles with those kind of flowers. Under those beautiful violets lay forever three bodies of Jane's babies, doomed to die even before they saw first light of the sun. She never got over them, on their birthdays she mourned them in silence. That's why she was ever grateful for Blair and Dan and loved them unconditionally.

This tiny flat they lived in was lent to them because of their job. If anything happens and they get fired, they would have always had that small acre of land in wilderness. But now, they would be homeless.

As was the regular habit these days, instead of saying goodnight and parting calmly to go to bed, everyone fought. They bellowed unabashedly, throwing daggers at each other's hearts. Mom blamed dad for selling the land and being too proud, dad blamed Dan for wrecking the family, Dan blamed them for absolutely everything. Blair's soul was sensitive to this ill-will. She wasn't used to this in her family. They were always peaceful, supportive of each other. Poor, but honorable in their poverty. Now, they had nothing.

When midnight struck and voices died out long ago, she got up from her bed to get a glass of water. A figure was sitting on the table, hunched over something, muttering to herself in half-darkness. 'Mom!'' Blair sucked in breath. ''What are you doing? It's late. You have work in the morning, you know you have to get up.''

Jane payed no attention to these words. Her hands roamed over picture ripped out of the magazine on the table. Blair recognized it was Dan's and that car was Chuck's broken one.

''Mom, leave it. Please. Throw it away-''

''How many misfortunes did this thing cause us'' she whispered, her voice trembling. Blair never heard her mother talk like this. Her voice was always confident, almost arrogant, most of the times soothing, reproachful in loving matter. But never weak. Never trembling. ''Four wheels. Two doors'' she continued, her gaze fixed on the paper. ''What if something happened to my Dan? Nobody ever thought that something could have happened to my son? Is not my son's life more valuable than this machine on four wheels?''

All of a sudden, she clutched the paper firmly and ripped it into pieces. She now shook with parental rage, with agony only mothers could feel. ''Where did this car come from, this unfortunate man in front of my son? Where from? Where from?! It's the devil's work! He laid in front of my son's eyes all his dreams and fancies.''Jane rose with some difficulty and staggered into bedroom, frantically whispering ''In front my Dan. In front of my Dan...''

Blair was still as statue during this speech. Even after Jane was gone, she sat on the same spot for hours. Her mother's cries seeped into her bones, mixing with her own pain. The sensation numbed her completely. Voice echoed in her head. _This is all my fault._  
Following morning, mother sold the only jewelry she possessed. The three golden bracelets.

* * *

Blair was walking across the campus with her hands in her pockets. She wondered how will Chuck act towards her now? Will he approach her or she should him? He gave her a ride home last night, but they barely spoke. She was too occupied with worries that waited her at home, listening to mother's frantic messages in voice-mail inbox. Cold breeze blew as if to wake her up from a stupor and to give her warning about world around. She thought she imagined girls that just walked by were laughing at her. Blair shook the ridiculous thought away; is that not the fear of every girl on planet?

She shuddered, quickening her pace to get to class. Looking around, she noticed people were actually pointedly staring at her. They used to hush as she walked by, but now they openly snickered and spoke out loud. She felt uncomfortable. Penelope met her halfway to class with disturbed look. ''B, I have to tell you something.''

''What's this all about?''

''Let's go somewhere quiet rather'' her friend responded with apologetic look.

They left their coats and bags and sat in one of lounge rooms. It took a while to find a completely empty one. There was a worm inside of Blair's guts that squirmed, warning her something is deeply wrong. With every word Penelope uttered, she felt that worm eat all of her insides, leaving a gaping hole.

''She told everyone you two locked yourself in auditorium. But she actually did it.''

The worm kicked and rolled over tender flesh.

''And?'' she spoke icily, gritting her teeth.

Penelope knitted her brows, hating to be the bad messenger. ''She told everyone that he banged you. Used you. And how you begged for more, but he was full of you and left you there.''

The worm exploded, throwing acid everywhere. Her fists balled up and she shot up, her knee-length silky skirt blowing behind her. She felt this light pink cashmere turtleneck was too much to bear. Blair rolled up the sleeves, the sound of her boots accompanying her as the war drums accompanied soldiers to war.

''That girl is sick!'' she spat, marching towards cafeteria. ''What the hell is her problem with me?''

''Blair'' Penelope ran after her. ''Please don't make me regret saying this to you! Don't anything rash, please-''

''Blair'' her friend whispered, quite frightened and partially amazed at the cold disdainful expression Blair wore. Students got out of her way. They didn't dare say anything out loud, but went back to whispering among each other.

She knew. She knew Serena locked them up in. She knew this was her scheme. And here was the proof. Did she think Blair would go down without a fight?

Blair saw her blonde head in cafeteria immediately.

''Don't worry'' Serena's voice was sickly sweet as she patted Nate's shoulder. ''Your girlfriend is not that interesting to gossip about.''

''Blair'' Penelope still trailed behind her friend. ''Please-''

''Serena'' she approached the blonde with heaving chest and flame ready to burst. If she was strong enough, she would have broken her neck right here. ''What do you want from me? Why did you do it?''

The usually loud murmur of cafeteria now completely died out and everyone turned to watch the gladiators fight. Old queen against the new one. Who would prevail?

Nate protectively stood up, sensing trouble and Serena rolled her eyes. ''What are you talking about?''

''You tell me'' she demanded not bothering to keep her voice down, ''dare to tell me to my face what you talk behind my back!''

Serena looked unsure for a second. She didn't know what to do or didn't want to do anything in front of the crowd. Blonde hastily took her bag and hissed ''I don't have time for this.''

Blair's rage flared, as it sometimes did. Under the cover of sweet girl, there hid capricious woman who tolerated no crap from anyone. That woman, or rather a queen, broke down the bars that held her in prison for years. Bars that her family ironed, bars that society set up and lastly, bars that poverty sealed. Now, that beautiful raging queen stretched her back and rolled a storm in her pale hands. Blair determinedly grabbed Serena's elbow as she started to retreat, wanting to resolve this here and now. Serena flinched back hard and they glared at each other. Air was filled with tension.

''What are you doing?'' Nate asked of them, not surprised at this cat fight, but willing to do everything to stop it.

''What is your issue with me?'' Blair again demanded, yelling for everyone to hear. ''Say it, right now!''

''I've got no issues with you, okay?'' she flippantly replied.

''Then what was the story about Chuck and me you fancied to make up?''

Serena noticed people around and took the opportunity to crush the brunette more. Public fighting wasn't her style of showdown, but if that's what it took - so be it. Wicked smile crept up her face. ''Oh, so that's what's all this about! I didn't make anything up. You guys wrote it yourself. I have to give it to you, it became a real hit! _Everyone_ is talking about it.''

Nate grabbed her forearm with troubled look. Nate secretly knew Serena was the real culprit here, but some feeling in heart couldn't be ignored. He now regretted saying anything to Penelope. Cursing himself for being big mouth after certain guilty pleasures, Nate snapped at the blonde, trying to scold her, well aware she knew he knows ''Serena, what are you doing?''

''Let me go'' she shook him off quickly and turned to continue the speech with fake wonder. ''How creative; empty auditorium, a real date. I was just talking about it with my friends. We don't know everything... Maybe you can give us some details?''

With these words, she approached closer. Blair's lip thinned until it became pale. She felt her heart throbbing, her palms aching because of her nails digging in. Her throat was starting to get thirsty for blood. There was a primal instinct in that queen of hers that hungered for revenge and equal score.

''How was it? Romantic or passionate?'' Serena asked with a sneer. That finished Blair off. She shoved her hard and in an instant Penelope grabbed her shoulders to keep her going at it again. Nate followed the same. Enraged girls shook of their guardians, both breathing heavily. Their eyes met, killing each other with mere looks.

''Let's see what are you going to do next!'' Serena challenged, her blonde hair messed up in a wild mane; a proper lioness. ''Are you going to hit me?''

''It was you! You made everything happen!'' Blair accused, not seeing anyone from her rage, not hearing anything from the blinding anger.

''Let go of me, Nate! Tell me, what is it that I did?''

''You locked us in the auditorium.'' Blair spoke, feeling she was going to burst. Crowd gathered around them and she felt her heart throbbing. Her heart was throbbing because she knew she was right. She knew she was telling the truth and her instinct told her Serena way lying.

''Give me a break, Blair. You're still high on the orgasms Chuck gave you.''

Her cheeks flushed and she couldn't contain her anger. Ever since she met this girl, she was nothing but trouble. All the prodding, all the little tricks, all the schemes Blair saw; they all gathered in the center of her chest. Her hands shot out and Blair shoved Serena's shoulders. Tall girl lost her balance and fell on the floor.

Blair lost no moment. She pounced on her and started attacking her with tiny fists. How much did she hate her, no words could tell.

All of a sudden, strong arms encircled her and got her off the body. She was kicking and screaming. Chuck lowered her down and one look from him silenced her. ''Listen'' she exclaimed, nervous and agitated, wanting to erase that disapproving look of his ''she locked us in yesterday! Just to bring me into this situation right now!''

''Chuck'' Serena faked innocence too good, getting off the floor with Nate's help. Her face was mask of distress and fear. ''I swear I don't what's she talking about.''

''Blair...'' Chuck said with obvious worry, looking from one girl to another. She was waiting for him to believe her. She needed him to believe her.

''Penelope'' she barked after a moment of painful silence, stunning the girl. ''Penelope tell them! Tell them what you told me!''

Her friend exchanged awkward glance with Nate. She remained silent.

''Yeah, Penelope'' Serena said with triumphant look, smiling as if she had a possession of somebody else's dirty little secret. ''Tell us. But tell us _everything_. We're waiting.''

Everyone waited for Penelope to come clean and point a finger at Serena. To Blair, it seemed like eternity. Why is there a problem now? Why won't she say anything when minute ago she swore this was what happened?

''I don't know anything'' Penelope lied, avoiding her friend's eyes.

''What?'' Blair whispered, her eyes glancing around in disbelief. All the color drained of her face.

Lies. Penelope, liar. Serena, liar. Even Nate was hiding something. Chuck was standing by her side and watching her downfall without a word.

''What is going on here?'' she murmured, thinking out loud. Her very own friend just let her down in front of whole school, sealing her reputation as a crazy slut. Why would she do that? Wasn't she her friend? Pushing Penelope and crowd out of her way, she left the scene defeated and miserable.

''Blair'' his voice followed her through empty halls. ''Blair, wait.''

''Yet again'' Serena screeched, stomping the ground with her foot angrily. ''He runs after her again. It's all Blair Blair Blair!''

Blair didn't want to be here. She wanted to be far away from this mess and chaos. Her pride was hurt. Her virtue was assaulted. Her innocence and dignity destroyed. They all thought she was a whore and a liar.

''What did you tell them about us, Chuck?'' she rapidly turned around after getting out, their bodies almost crashing. Her voice was slowly giving in. ''How could you? What happened in auditorium was a game too, right?''

She could feel her eyes watering, but refused to break in her final, probably most important speech. ''A score for you and a gossip for your friends. Are you happy now? Once again you're the talk of the school!''

Chuck knotted his brows and took her elbow. She shook him off, but he grabbed her again, rougher this time. His voice was low and menacing ''What are you talking about? Get real.''

''Everyone is talking about how you screwed me, get it?'' She explained huffing and walked away, completely ignoring his calls. No boy is going to see her cry. Especially boys that refuse to stand by her side. Blair felt sharp pain at the lack of his comfort. It was her own personal utopia completely ruined and demolished. So she walked into the ladies room, took a stall and let tears roll down her flushed cheeks. This was too much sensation to bear. She was crushed. She was humiliated. She was friendless. Betrayed in most cruel way possible. And worst of all, she had a feeling this was only the beginning.

Doors opened and two girls walked in. She quickly wiped her cheeks, not daring to breathe lest she is discovered. Girls walked to mirror, washed their hands and started fixing their make up.

''Is she really his girlfriend?'' first asked.

''Please'' other laughed. ''It's Chuck Bass. Instead of hotel, he took her to auditorium.''

''So it's true they did it?''

''If it wasn't, she wouldn't react like that. She jumped on Serena, you saw.''

Blair covered her wet eyes with hands, pride swelling in her bosom. The anger gradually turned to grief and tears cesaed completely.

''That was fucking epic, actually.'' They both laughed as they exited.

She gathered her wits, washed her face and looked herself in mirror. She stared at her own reflection for dew minutes, breathing evenly. Blair looked not at hollow eyes, not at lines of the frown, but at the irises. Her mother always told her eyes were reflection of the soul. Well, her soul was pure and unblemished. She may shy away from rude stares and whispers, but deep down she knew she was right. That gave her strength.

Blair exhaled and left the restroom. Chuck was leaning on the wall across doors, apparently waiting for her, looking like Adonis himself. She was shocked to see him there after spending so much time in the bathroom, but still pretended not to see him. The pain was fresh and just seeing his face stung.

''They will be over it in two days'' he said catching up with her.

''Oh, really?'' she replied with wide eyes, feigning wonder. Blair was irritated at his lack of support and him almost ignoring the matter. ''If you say so. You're the expert.'' Her eyes narrowed, her voice turned cold. ''I'm not used to stuff like this.''

''Blair, you have to get used to gossiping. People _are_ going to talk about you'' he said it matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders.

She looked at him bewildered at the casual way he spoke. ''She did it. Serena locked the doors and told everyone.'' Chuck rolled his eyes, obviously not buying it. Quite a few people passed them and they all turned their heads to stare. ''Don't you see whole school is looking at us?! Of'course you do, but you don't care. While I'm humiliated to death, you're proud.''

''Wait'' he repeated dumbfounded. ''You're humiliated and I'm proud?''

''Yes'' she haughtily replied.

He nodded, his nostrils flared.

''Hey, you'' he stopped random people that passed them. ''Nothing happened between Blair and me, okay?''

Fairly loudly he added and everyone stopped to listen to him ''People, hear me out a moment. Nothing happened between Blair and me. Nothing happened in auditorium. I never touched her. Did everyone hear that? Great.''

Chuck went back to stand beside Blair. Her heart swelled up. She thought she would feel better at this, but his tone of voice stopped the beating of her heart.

''Happy now?'' he asked, frustration visible on his face.''Everything taken care of?''

Chuck left her and somehow she ended up feeling like a scolded child.

* * *

She got home that afternoon with dad and Dan gone to village. Mother seemed deeply distracted, but she put on a brave face.

''Blair, my darling'' she said with unnatural cheerful voice. ''I have a feeling you will get a new evening dress these days.''

Blair dropped her coat and looked at her strangely. Has she lost her mind?

''I was at Mrs. Spark's today. Jenny's mom sent her some outfits. She picked one for herself and one for Georgina. Hers was very nice, but bit flashy. Georgie's was, hear this, it was - white.''

''What?'' Blair raised her eyebrows, half surprised half amused. ''But everyone knows she hates that color. ''

''Diana doesn't. I even told her so. I said Georgina is _not_ going to want to wear that, but she took it the wrong way.''

''Where are they going? Some fancy ball?''

''A party at one of Georgina's favorite clubs. Diana's treat. How odious to think she is trying to buy her with money, when she's not even interested in her. ''

On and on Jane prattled, willing to force herself to think about anything but present worries that clouded her mind. Blair let her do it for the same reason. The same night, that dress hung in Blair's closet. She couldn't help but to wonder sulkily, as she fingered the luxurious fabric; _Where am I to wear this? _She wasn't allowed to go out in clubs. Parents always talked about promiscuity and dangers there. A shiver ran down her spine as she pictured herself in this dress and in Chuck's lap. She closed the closet doors loudly.

Since dad and Dan were away, mother had to do everything by herself. With many protests, Jane finally succumbed to her daughter's pleads to help out. Blair wheeled out trash can that night to collect it from residents. First stop was Sparks apartment.

''Darling, get the bag please'' said Diana. Her hair was in up-do, make up more prominent, dress shorter and heels higher.

''Wow'' Blair breathed in admiration. ''You look nice.''

''Don't ask'' Diana smiled smugly, waving the compliment away. ''We're going to Tropic, Georgie's favorite club.''

Blair remembered it was one of Bass' clubs.

''We dressed up for Chuck Bass.''

She coughed.

Mrs. Spark misinterpreting it, said lowering her voice ''I know. How stupid, right? Her infatuation with him and all. But I don't care, it's completely harmless.''

In that moment Georgina came out the doors and put the bag into the can. She was sporting black strapless dress, cleavage on full display. Her beautiful ivory skin was complimenting diamonds on her neck and arms perfectly. Smoky eye make was flawless, ponytail sleek and elegant.

''What? Georgina screeched, panic on her face. ''I look stupid right? Ugh, I knew I do.''

Blair shook her head. ''No, you look good.''

She was shocked by the change. Georgina usually sported leggings and loose shirt. She could't help but to wonder, what if she met Chuck? All of a sudden, a wave of jealousy flooded her heart. She imagined thousand scenarios. Why shouldn't he like her? She is beautiful and rich, whereas Blair is poor and just ordinary looking. No expensive makeup, no nice manicure, no shimmering aromatic lotions. She felt depressed.

''Let's go, Georgina'' Mrs Sparks commanded. ''We'll be late.''

Georgie perked up at those words and headed out, but not before turning to Blair and saying ''We need to talk tomorrow, come visit me'' with strange look in her eyes.

**A/N(2): **Thank you thank you guys for warm and lovely welcome. You are amazing! This hiatus should not happen again, I find reward not in my fortunes but misfortunes and am more determined to continue with this story. **Did you like background music? Do you want me to post one for next chapters too?** Let me tell you right now, it will not be a short story. Some of you got the glimpses of my ideas involved with this story and know what I'm talking about. Things will escalate and escalate, there is no antagonist, but merely hero in his own crooked world. I want you to sympathize with underdogs and villains, all intentions of misdeeds will be revealed and every character will show their human side. This story is not just glitz and glam because it's all been seen. I wanted to introduce not Humphrey ''poverty'' we saw in tv show, but real hunger, real costs and expenses of New York. So stick around, because what you've seen is nothing. More characters will come, more plots, more affairs, more schemes.

**Have you guessed whats with Serena already? Will Georgie meet Chuck?**

Review review review, I want to talk to you, hear your questions and ideas, let's build something together. Take a break from real world, update will follow soon!


	9. Waking Up

**A/N (1) : **Background music:

Broken Bells - Sailing to nowhere

**Chapter Nine**

**Waking Up**

That morning, she rose at dawn. Blair quietly put long sweater over her pajamas, careful not to wake mother up. She shivered in cold toilet, hurrying up to finish brushing teeth and went to meet the delivery boy outside of building. Cold bit her cheek. Boy gave her basket filled with fresh bread and milk. He had dark circles under eyes, obviously been up all night.  
''Morning.''  
''Morning'' she mumbled back, still half asleep, and heaved the basket upstairs. Blair hung the bag with bread on each knob of a resident. Milk was left on the welcome carpet, as per usual. After being finished, she contemplated going back to bed. It was warm and inviting.

Exhaling heavily, she forced herself to get dressed for school and went to catch a bus.

''Blair'' Penelope sat next to her before first class started, her eyes wide open. ''I have to tell you something.''

Blair promptly ignored her, doodling away in her notebook. She still didn't forgive that cruel betrayal and couldn't fathom how this idiotic girl got the nerve to talk to her.

''B, it's urgent.''

Of'course, they only come when they need something. Once it's _urgent_, once she _needs help_, they come crawling back. Whatever. Blair gathered her books and went to sit somewhere else, where she couldn't be bothered. ''Fine'' Penelope exclaimed after her. ''I tried. But just remember, there are some stuff I can't share with you.'' Blair rolled her eyes at ridiculously cryptic comment.

Classes rolled one by one. She made a mental note to go straight to Georgina. To see what she wanted to ask and to hear what happened last night, of'course. It would be a lie to say she didn't dread meeting Chuck today. They didn't leave on a good note and him meeting Georgie would not be a good thing. After copying some books she didn't yet have, Blair stuffed her notes into bag.

As always, she first noticed the music of their laughs.

Nate had a camera in his hand and was filming Serena and one of friends. The girls giggled, flipped their hair and kept puckering.

Blair held her head high and wanted to pass inconspicuously, not knowing how to talk to Chuck or how to look at Serena without starting another fight. Her feelings were still sore and wounds fresh. However, she was left with no choice because he beat her to it.

''Are you going already?'' he asked casually, intercepting her way, hands in his pockets. Despite previous events, her heart still sped up at the sound of his voice. Despite previous event, she still felt keen to him.

''I'm finished with my classes.''

They stared at each other, both obviously suppressing whatever they actually wanted to say.

''Nate here'' he gestured after a moment of silence, with his hand towards his best friend, ''is doing a project. He is filming a short movie about night life.''

Nate directed camera at her and she turned back to Chuck with a look that said; _So what?_

''It's for school cinema'' he went on and Blair once again noticed he was rambling. ''A project he is doing, but in Tropic, our club.''

She nodded indifferently. There was an awkward pause where he waited for her to say something, to say anything.

Chuck bit his lip, his voice lowering to a husk. ''Would you like to come?''

''No'' she answered curtly, throwing him a hard glance.

''No?'' he repeated incredulous, failing hard at hiding his disappointment. Invitation to be at Tropic and especially when it came from Chuck Bass was a thing no one on Manhattan would fathom to decline. ''That was a quick answer.''

''Did you want me to stall?'' Blair raised her left eyebrow, letting him know she was still pissed off. What else did he hope for? Anyway, it's not like she would be allowed to go out. There were more chances of mom letting her shave all of her hair than go out clubbing.

''I just wanted you to come'' he shrugged his shoulders, looking all of a sudden very much unlike glorious Heir. Now, Chuck looked like an insecure boy who just asked a girl out and she refused him.

Something in Blair's chest constricted and swelled at the same time. A wave of affection surged through her heart. She did want to go out with him, often dreamed of it, but her parents would never let her. It was best not to give him or herself false hope. After all, she was definitely not cut out of his world. Blair quickly walked away, knowing there was no possible answer she could give him.

It was then that Blair decided to tell Georgina everything. She wanted her to know Chuck was and still kind of is part of her life. Maybe she should just say the truth and not hold back. The weight of her secrets was getting heavier with each lie. Georgina will understand. She has to, she is the only friend Blair was left with. They had been friends since forever. And no matter the social differences, no matter the clothes or jewelry, G would never let her down.

She went home, changed her clothes and grabbed something to eat. Her chews were slow and careful, thinking about her speech she would give to Georgie. She repeated it about hundred times, memorizing every single line. After prolonging the dreaded moment enough, Blair entered Sparks apartment.

''It's a shame'' her best friend mumbled while browsing Chuck's pictures with dazed look. ''One would think you lived miles away, instead of five floors down. I don't see you for days.''

''Do you know how many times I climb these five floors? Collecting trash, even so.''

''You were collecting trash now?'' Georgina asked with disgusted look. Her nose wrinkled.

''Don't worry, I took a shower.''

''I didn't mean it like that'' she quickly lied. ''Er, anyway. Doesn't matter. I wanted to ask you something. We haven't talked in ages.''

Blair took a deep breath. ''I have to tell you something too. I-''

''Wait'' Georgina interrupted her impatiently. ''Jenny told me you've been hanging out with Chuck Bass. She told me she saw you drinking coffee together. Lil J was surprised when she heard we were at the same hospital, but that you didn't introduce us.''

Her head swam for a moment. So Jenny told her? Of'course she did, Murphy was right and always will be. Doesn't even matter, she will tell her everything now. ''Yes, well. I-''

''Georgie, darling'' Mrs. Sparks came at that time. Blair closed her eyes, her heart being violently. She was afraid her courage would abandon her.

''Ah, Blair'' Diana muttered disinterestedly. ''Didn't see you there.''

''I was just telling B about that time she drank coffee with Chuck Bass.''

There was a moment of silence. All of a sudden, Diana burst out laughing and fell on bed next to Georgina. Her step-daughter joined in, tears streaming down their faces, smearing mascara. Blair was flabbergasted, sitting still and staring at them.

''Look at that Jenny'' Mrs Sparks continued through snickers. ''She is not even funny. Chuck Bass and Blair?''

Another wave of laugh erupted. Blair bent down her head, her fists balled up.

''Chuck Bass and Blair were drinking coffee in that cafe around the corner'' Georgie added, rocking back and forth with humor. ''Maybe Jenny saw Brad Pitt too.''

''And why not? If she's lying, let her overdo it!''

''Ugh, I swear to god she is doing that just to piss me off. As if we don't know who Chuck Bass is. Or as if we don't know who Blair is.''

Blair's courage didn't drop. It shot up to sky, rocketing among stars, exploding in the infinities of universe. Her calm frame barely held all emotions that this conversation produced. Who is Blair? Who is she?

Blair. Blair Blair. Since when did it become synonymous with nobody? Was her name Nobody?

Who said she was insignificant little human?

Why could she not be equal to Chuck Bass, or even greater?

Who says she is not? Did she not make that _famous _Chuck Bass her own personal driver? Had she not heard him call her name over and over again, sometimes with affection sometimes with desperation?

She will show them the real Blair tonight.

''I have to go'' she snapped, getting up.

''Blair'' Diana said, wiping her tears. ''Don't get us wrong. We're not laughing at you, but at Jenny.''

Georgina barked a laugh in response but stopped herself shortly after. ''Oh, you wanted to tell me something. What was it?''

''Nothing important. Good night.''

Her step was brisk. Blair entered home with loud bang of the doors, waking Jane up from the couch.

''Mom, I'm going to Georgie's tonight'' she declared with firmness in voice.

''Oh, Lord. Did you not just come from her?''

''I'm doing homework, I need her laptop'' she insisted.

''Don't, sweetie. It's too late. It's rude.''

''It's not late, her father is not at home. If I stay too late into the night, I'll just sleep there.''

Jane shook her head, unwillingly letting her daughter. ''Fine, but do it and come downstairs. Not a word to your father about this! He won't be pleased.''

Blair didn't want to argue anymore. She got into her room, locking it behind. Opening the closet, she took out one of the bags and put small makeup bag inside. Her hands were no longer trembling, her vision was clear, she was high on adrenaline. This was wrong, but felt so right. Lastly, Blair pulled a pair of golden heels and Georgina's brand new dress.

The bottom part of the dress was short and light, white layers of sateen reflecting magnificently in light. Top part was also white, but mixed with stripes of golden threads. Little golden cap sleeves were there to cover her bare shoulders. Blair eyed the dress, fire slowly igniting in her eyes.

She carefully folded it and put it in bag.

''I'll see you later mom'' she called out as she swiftly left the house. Instead of going up to Georgina's apartment or going out to city, Blair entered the elevator. She pressed the button to hold it right after the doors closed shut. Quick as a lightning, she changed her outfit, her shoes, put on make up, forcing herself to break the mascara-lipstick ritual by adding some blush, shimmer, shadow and rouge, color of the red wine. She let her hair down, beautiful tresses sliding over exposed neck.

* * *

''This is where the night begins'' deep voice spoke, directing the lens of the camera towards dark hallway and ascending stairs that led outside. After the mysterious introductory, camera turned towards the filmmaker himself. ''And where it ends.''

''Nate'' Serena whined, her blonde hair up in a bun. She clutched Chuck's forearms. It was a ritual of theirs to hang out in hallway before actually coming inside of the club. This was how they got to see who came and when. This was way to greet friends and sneer at enemies. ''Do us, do us!''

Nate frowned, turning the camera towards them. His voice was deeply sarcastic. ''The shining stars, the beautiful couple!''

Serena giggled, throwing poses. Chuck stood immobile. His eyes still flew at the doors, hoping to see that certain someone come in and make his night bearable. He sighed, thinking himself stupid to always dream of impossible.

''I'll go get a drink.''

''Nate!'' girl screeched, still clutching Chuck, not letting him go. She was outraged at the lack of attention from both parties. ''Do more shots of us.''

Unfortunately, Nate's camera was following only one figure that showed up at the top of the stairs. It followed her graceful movements, the swing of her hips and bounce of her hair. She then did something she rarely does - Blair flashed a full smile as she beheld a pair of dark eyes. Never did she look more glorious, more beautiful, more happy.

''No way'' Nate whispered, completely put off by the turn of the events.

''Bass'' she sang as she sauntered over to Chuck, seductively moving hair behind to expose neck. His eyes followed every movement with look of a hawk. ''Cat got your tongue?''

''You came'' he managed to say after indeed finding the missing tongue.

''I did.'' They shared a smiled, a moment so intimate and pure. She couldn't look away from his intense gaze, something deep and sensual stirring in her bosom.

''You're beautiful'' he breathed out, captured with glow radiating from her. He noticed a change in Blair, something in her soul shifted, something he couldn't keep his eyes off of.

Instead of shying away from such direct compliment, she winked at him. It was then that she acknowledged Serena's presence with a mere look at the blonde.

Serena was fuming silently, but still very much shocked. Her arch nemesis decided to come out of her shell in full bloom and she hated it.

Serena was always the center of Nate's and Chuck's attention. Not Blair.

Serena was the femme fatale of night life. Not Blair.

''Welcome to our movie'' Nate smiled from behind camera.

Serena was the star of that movie. Not Blair.

''Let's go inside'' Chuck offered his arm.

Not to Serena as usual, but to Blair.

Nate laughed as they walked away. ''Cut!'' He turned off the camera, absolutely thrilled with turn of the events.

* * *

Serena sat in the booth without anybody paying attention to her. Nate was too busy playing Tarantino. Chuck was sitting too close to that little princess, holding her hand, looking like pathetic Romeo. Didn't he know she is here just to use him? Didn't he know he would get hurt?

''They're in love'' Page dully said, sitting next to her, downing a shot of tequila.

''Hey, Blair'' Serena called out to her, absolutely irritated by mere sound of her name. ''You left your mom home tonight?''

''I did.'' Blair dodged the attack gracefully, stroking Chuck's palm of hand with forefinger. Disgusting. ''I couldn't let certain someone spend his night sulking.''

She threw an amused glance at him and Chuck buried his neck in her shoulder, smiling against her skin. Waiter came with a champagne and poured everyone a drink. Chuck handed a glass to Blair and they cheered, looking each other in eyes as only lovers know. Serena was sick to her stomach.

''What's up, Blair?'' she prodded later on, waiting for an opportunity to stab her here and there. ''You don't like the company?'' Blair has been fidgeting for past few minutes, crossing and uncrossing her legs, taking Chuck's hand then letting it go, wiping palms on her dress.

''No, I'm just not used to alcohol so I'm bit dizzy.''

''Do you want to get out of here?'' Chuck asked immediately, taking her hand in his own. Shot up panic went through Serena.

''Don't be silly'' Blair smiled sweetly at him, squeezing his palm in return. ''This is our night.''

Serena shot up and went to ladies room, completely disgusted and annoyed with turn of events. She was thinking about throwing her drink on that slut when she bumped into someone.

''Carter? When did you get out?''

''Who says I got out?'' Carter drawled with drink in his hand. Last month he ended up in forced rehab after gambling away his fortune and spending inheritance on all sorts of pills. ''I escaped.''

She deeply regretted hooking up with him, shivering at the remembrance of his sloppy kisses and groping hands.

''Do you want some?'' he asked, taking a small bag of pills from his front pocket.''Or do you not remember?''

''Are you crazy?'' she whispered furiously, scared look on her face. Serena turned around to look if anyone heard. Carter just laughed, spilling drink all over his pants. ''I'll get Chuck to kick you out right now. You know he hates you.''

''Wait, wait ,wait'' he quickly grabbed her forearm. ''Let's not get too hasty. Here, just get some. My treat.''

After initial reaction to refuse, an idea popped up, most malicious smile spreading over her face.

''I'll need some, actually. For a friend.''

Five minutes later, she was back in the booth. Mustering all strength, she managed to produce most friendliest smile and voice she had in her power.

''Blair, I'm going to get myself a drink. Would you want one? Would you like to come with me?''

Blair looked carefully at Chuck. He nodded encouragingly, tapping her knee. She was surprised at this peace offer, but took it for sake of Chuck. Serena was his best friend after all.

On their way to a bar, Serena met a friend and got caught up in conversation. Blair didn't want to be left waiting, so she took the opportunity to signal the blonde she will visit the ladies room.

Her head was throbbing. Loud music and alcohol gave her severe headache. How did these people endure such tortures every night? How do they not go deaf? Blair gripped the sink with both hands, shutting eyes to block out excruciating fluorescent light.

''Are you okay?'' A girl asked that just came in. Blair never saw her before in life.

''It's just a headache.''

''Ah, I often get migraines too. Let me give you some aspirin, it will help.''

Blair was skeptic at first. Her parents warned her about boys putting strange pills in girl's drinks to drug them and use them. However, this was a girl and she didn't look like psychopath at all. Her smile was shy and looked genuine. Blair was in serious pain, but she wanted to use this night to spend it with Chuck. Now that she is here with him, she didn't want this night to end, she didn't want to ever go home.

''Sure.''

Blair just about chugged the pill down with water when Serena entered the room.

''Sorry to keep you waiting. Are you feeling okay?''

''Yeah, I'll get better.''

''Don't worry'' she smiled viciously, her eyes flashing dangerously. ''The night just began.''

As Blair exited the ladies room, Serena imperceptibly nodded to girl with Aspirin. The girl nodded back, throwing away small empty plastic bag from her purse.

* * *

**A/N: **There you go! Sorry for delayed update, I'm on a vacation so will try to balance writing with life at the moment.

Of'course, let me know what you think! **What do you reckon will happen in next chapter?**

Let me just warn you, it will be real roller coaster from now on. I suggest you buckle up, especially for next chapter and ones to follow!

**Review, review, review!**


	10. Glamorous Girls

**Chapter Ten**

**Glamorous Girls**

Serena leaned back on the leather of the booth, her face covered in darkness. Nobody could see the malicious smile spreading over her face. Everyone was too busy staring at Blair. A small breath of guilt breezed through her veins. What if Blair reacts badly to drugs? What if she ends up in hospital? Or worse, dies?

That calm, serene, upright Blair was now laughing maniacally at the glass that slipped out of her small hands.

Blonde let out long breath. Blair will be fine. After all, Serena found out she was enjoying this scene very much. Any trace of regret disappeared immediately.

''Well, well'' she whispered to herself. ''You wanted attention, now you've got it.''

''Blair'' Chuck said, touching her elbow. ''Are you okay?''

''It fell'' the girl murmured, touching her own fingers as if they were magical and looking at them in amazement. ''I'm great... I'm feeling great!''

She suddenly got up, wobbling for a second and pulled Chuck's hand with strength nobody knew she possessed. ''Let's dance!''

_This should be fun_, Serena thought to herself, trying hard not to laugh out loud. Blair pulled Chuck away from the booth and he even went along for few minutes.

What was once funny, now became full on embarrassing. Blair was jumping up and down on the dance floor, completely devoid of the grace other girls showed. Her hair was a mess and her mascara smeared from sweat. She didn't even care when Chuck stepped away, instead she grabbed girl nearby and started waving her hands in the air around her.

Everyone around stood whispering and watching the spectacle with wide eyes, suppressing their laughs. Who was crazy enough to anger Chuck Bass?

''What's wrong with her?'' Nate came shutting off his camera. He looked at Blair in half worried, half is-she-crazy way.

Serena slithered over to boys, her eyes wide open in fake wonder. ''I can't believe it. Get her away before Bart comes. Before he sees this scandal.''

The name of Bart attracted Chuck's attention immediately. His jaw clenched.

Serena once again suppressed a smile. _Gotcha_.

''Serena'' he seethed. ''What are you talking about?''

Everyone knew what was Serena talking about, but nobody dared to say it out loud. Nobody except Miss Van Der Woodsen herself. Long-termed friendship with Chuck Bass gave her certain privileges which everyone died for. One of them was speaking plainly and honestly, no matter the reaction.

''Can't you see'' she raised her left eyebrow. ''Your princess had a candy or two and now she's raving.''

''She barely drank a glass'' Chuck countered incredulous, in spite of himself.

''Exactly'' she now full on laughed, seeing victory was hers. Everyone will know Blair was a junkie and if Chuck was disgusted by anything, it was liars and girls on drugs. ''She barely had a glass and now she's totally tripped.''

Chuck observed Blair, his eyes narrowing with every second. Blair accidentally stumbled into him and almost fell. He caught her elbow. ''Blair-''

''Oh, shush'' she droned. ''It's just these stupid high heels.''

To everyone's disbelief and shock, she then did something nobody even dreamed in worst nightmares. It was like getting up to stand in front of class to see you're naked and everyone is howling with laughter.

Blair sat on the floor of the most prestigious club in Manhattan, surrounded with celebrities and socialites. She unceremoniously took her shoes off and kicked them aside as if they were piece of trash.

Serena was too astounded to laugh. Bart Bass arrived to greet his son and his guests, as was his ceremony almost every night when he was in town. He now stood rooted in spot, looking with disgust at barefooted figure jumping up and down, who was laughing like maniac and avoiding Chuck's hands that tried to catch her.

Chuck finally managed to grab her. His voice was angry and frustrated. ''Blair, we're leaving.''

''Where are we going?'' she asked excitedly, fixing her cleavage for all the club to see.

''Home. Come on, let's go.''

''Chuck'' she looked up to him, her eyes glassy, but her whole face smiling. ''I only have one night. One night for our Blair and Chuck.''

He looked at her for a moment. Blair and Chuck. Chuck and Blair. Those few words were like a cannon ball to his chest. They hit him, leaving a hole in his body and he went sinking down, drowning with pleasure to that feeling he had when he first saw her.

Another demonic laugh coming from her throat broke that trance and he pulled her elbow firmly. He knew his father was going to be there when he turns around. He knew it, yet he held Blair strongly and turned to Nate whispering ''Take care of my father.''

Nate nodded, wishing he was anywhere in the world but here, about to confront Mr. Bass. Big Bad Wolf who probably never saw anything more embarrassing in his private perfect world called Tropic. Big Bad Wolf who took up seriously the drug issue in his clubs, especially if the word got out. He could lose his clients. He could have his club shut. His reputation can be ruined forever.

''Mr. Bass, how are you?'' Nate flashed him a smile, trying to look anywhere but at terrifying scowl on Bart's face. ''Our friend had bit too much for drink.''

In that second, Serena flew over with serious face. ''Mr. Bass, that girl that Chuck brought here, she was on drugs.''

Bart Bass looked from Serena, who held her head high, to Nate, who looked as uncomfortable as ever. He said nothing, only lightnings flashed from his small eyes.

* * *

Her head was spinning. What was going on?

She felt as if she was on a boat, rocked and lulled. There was someone else's presence too. A familiar smell that sometimes visited her dreams... Maybe she was dreaming.

Blair opened her eyes to find herself in Chuck's arms. Only, he wasn't looking at her with love like she often dreamed. He was looking straight upfront, even as he lowered her down on the floor of big bright mansion. The marble was cold against her feet.

''Please'' his voice sounded with even greater coldness. ''Be careful.''

She hugged her chest, feeling chilly all of a sudden. Strange how she felt on fire a minute ago. Or was it a life time ago? The roller coaster in her head was slowing down, but it was still rolling. Her eyes caught a sight of strange girl in fancy foyer. She looked familiar, but awfully miserable and vulgar looking. Her dress was too skimpy, her hair disheveled, her face the face of a skeleton with make up.

Blair blinked. Girl blinked back.

Blair lifted her hand just as the girl did.

The sudden realization hit her chest with full force. She staggered back just like the reflection in the mirror did too.

''Blair?'' Chuck asked at the sudden change of attitude, dropping his keys on the table.

Her smile died out completely. Her eyes filled up with tears.

Shame.

Shame. Shame. Shame. This was not her. This vulgar hideous looking girl was not her. This was never her. This girl wasn't prim or proper, she was pathetic looking and worthless. Who made her like this?

''This is not me'' she whispered, covering her cleavage.

''Come'' he said tiredly. ''Let's go up.''

''This is not me'' she repeated quietly, tear escaping her eye. She pulled the skirt down, wanting it to cover every inch of her skin. She felt naked. She felt barren. She felt empty.

''This is not me!'' she screamed at the reflection. Her knees gave up and she sank to the ground, bathed in tears and shame.

A hand encircled her and she pressed her wet eyes into his chest.

_Later on_

Her mouth was so dry, she felt she could never speak again. Blair lifted her head, finding it was an excruciating effort even to breathe properly. She spotted a glass of water on a nightstand. As quick as her body was able to, she reached out and gulped greedily.

She set the glass back on the table, loud sound echoing in her head and inviting another wave of headache. Windows as tall as the ceiling goes were curtained, but the Tiffany clock said it was 6.30am. Almost time to wake up and help mom.

Except that her sheets weren't silky and black. Except that her pillows didn't smell this enchanting. In fact, she only had one hard pillow, not five fluffy soft pieces of cloud.

Blair sat up in panic and caught his eyes in an instant. He was watching her like a hawk.

Ever since she met him, she secretly wished to be able to wake up one day to his face. To his beautiful face.

Today was not that day.

Chuck was sitting on a sofa next to her bed, still in last night's attire. His bow tie was loose, few button of his shirt popped open. Jacket was thrown tidily across the chair. Circles under his eyes were deep, his penetrating look too painful to withstand. Did he even sleep? She hugged the sheets, feeling naked underneath. Last night came to her in flashes.

''I'm sorry'' she murmured, not able to look him in the eyes. She rubbed her temple with fingers, trying to release the pain. ''I remember bits and pieces from last night.''

Another wave of shame overcame her and she bit her tongue. ''I'm sorry. What exactly happened last night?''

He didn't move a muscle. His silence troubled her more than anything else.

''Won't you say something?''

''You go on and explain'' he grumbled, still glaring at her.

''I don't know. I don't understand. Something happened, but...'' she shrugged, unable to proceed. Last night was a blur, like a bad movie she watched. ''Why are you looking at me like that?''

Chuck was obviously annoyed and irritated.

''Speak!'' she pressed on, agony building up inside of her like a forest fire.

Chuck leaned towards her, his eyes narrowed dangerously. ''What did you do, Blair?''

''Me?''

''Enough!'' he yelled, his hands balled up in fists. ''You've played dumb long enough!''

Chuck got up and paced his bedroom, completely livid.

''Who are you? Who are you Blair?''

She was suddenly seized with flashback. A headache. A pill. A girl in bathroom.

''Drugs...''

''Finally'' he seethed with mock relief. ''Yes, drugs!''

Blair still lay on his bed, enveloped in his smell, his sheets. She felt like crap. She felt stupid. ''I didn't even know I took it.''

Dots were connecting in her split open head and she finally understood. ''I was having a headache. I met a girl in ladies room. I told her about my problem and she said she often gets migraines. I took the pill, thinking it was Aspirin!''

She knew how stupid she sounded, but she needed him to believe her. A tiny voice in her head was telling her that was not going to happen. Yet again, she held tightly to a minuscule ray of hope in her heart.

Blair removed the sheets and got up, slightly slipping on the silk. She stood in front of him, empty and bare like this. He couldn't even look her in the eyes. ''Don't you believe me?''

''Don't, Blair'' he said, cocking his head. ''Smart girl like you can make up a better story, surely. Somebody slipping a pill in your drink, maybe?''

Her hands were trembling. She pressed them together, willing herself not to look into his mocking face. This scenario already happened, didn't it? Just like deja vu.

''It's cliché, but at least it's believable'' he continued, pushing her further away. ''That's why you didn't drink alcohol. To get ready for even better party. Is that why your parents won't let you out of their sight? Because you're an addict?''

Blair was so shocked she forgot how to breathe. She hoped he would stop, she hoped he would stop hurting her, but that wasn't Chuck Bass' style.

''Congratulations though. You've played out this part amazingly.''

He clapped his hands, pushing the dagger deeper into her flesh. She felt the blade connect with her heart and that's when she remembered how to breathe. She breathed in foul rotten breath, unable to come up for fresh air.

Blair didn't wait for another ovation. She put on her shoes and coat as quickly as she could.

''I would say that there's no script I haven't heard in night life'' he continued, not giving up, ''but you've exceeded all my expectations, Blair!''

Before exiting, she turned around to look at him. That mocking smile was off his face. Did she see a flash of hurt? No, he couldn't even look at her.

A junkie. A liar.

That's what he saw in her right now. Nothing else. No matter what she said, he wouldn't believe her. This time, she won't fight for him to believe her. This time, she will go down without begging for mercy. Because no matter what, there was no room for mercy in their cruel world.

Blair walked out of the room, down the flight of steps and almost out of the doorway. Just as she opened the doors, she met face to face with Mr. Bass and a girl just bit older than herself. His eyes were full of scorn and venom. She held them for a moment, before running out on fresh air.

* * *

Blair walked in her house, her movements automatic and went straight to bed. Her heart was breaking, her whole body shattering to pieces and she needed numbness of dreams.

''What's that on your face?'' Jane asked with a quick look.

''Make-up, I'll take it off.'' Mother looked at her like only mothers know, noticing her tired face and paying special attention to backpack.

''What are you doing?''

''I'm tired, I'm going to sleep.''

''Sleep? Didn't you sleep at Georgina's? You're a student! What kind of terrible habits are those?!''

Blair payed no attention to anything outside of her head, she crawled into bed still in her sweatpants, shirt and with make-up on.

Jane stood motionless by her bed, suspicion all over her face. She waited until Blair was asleep, which was in minutes. When her daughter's breathing was shallow enough, she slowly and silently retreated, grabbing Blair's backpack. She sat alone in kitchen and quickly opened up one zipper.

Nothing there.

In second were pencils and erasers.

In third were big college books.

Jane sighed relieved, but feeling guilty of doubting her daughter. She wasn't sure what she would find in it, but textbooks and pencils were furthest from her mind.

Blair's body was fighting off the drugs for the whole weekend. She suffered fever, flashbacks, trying to vomit all the drugs, the shame and the glares. Jane was there for her every minute, bringing fresh water and trying to coerce Blair to take Aspirin, but unsuccessfully. She was sure Blair and Georgina were sitting on cold floor and that was how she got sick. Blair didn't contradict her.

Jane felt the wall between them going taller than ever and tried to break it off. She felt Blair was hiding whole world from her and she wanted to be there for her. She sensed something in Blair shifted, something that couldn't be undone.

Blair dreamed of a wall so big nobody could ever jump across it again.

**A/N:** Hey darlings! Sorry for such short chapter, but I think even too much stuff happened in this update. Let me know what you think x


	11. Turning Tables

**Chapter Eleven**

**Turning Tables**

Hallucinations in the worst heights of fever were blessing in disguise. Past few months replayed in front of her eyes. Every moment lasted like a day and every day lasted like a moment. Blair was an invisible third party; observing conversations, stolen looks and secret whispers. Faces were always the same; her, Chuck, Nate, Serena. Familiarity was gone, she was looking at everything with brand new eyes.

Sometimes Mother's eyes would flash from the corner. Sometimes, she would hear her whispering _All because of that boy? Is he worth of it?_

Sometimes Jenny's sneers would echo the room. Other times, Georgina would scream until Blair's ears bled.

She saw herself not as Blair, but as little girl with scared eyes, feigning courage. Sometimes she would try to shake herself, sometimes she would scream_ Get a grip_. Sometimes, she would be too distracted by his eyes, his lips. In those moments, she forced herself to remember the sour taste of vomit in her mouth, burning of her throat and unbearable pain he planted in her chest without flinching.

In the end, when Mother's home remedies were winning over, she had a last dream. She dreamed of the doors in the middle of nowhere. Somebody faintly knocked. _Come in_, she said. Little girl was standing on the other side. Wide eyes, frightened and shaking all over. _Are you okay_, Blair asked.  
After what seemed an eternity, girl made a step and as soon as she crossed the threshold, she transformed into Blair. Not as Blair as she knew herself, not as Blair as she saw during hallucinations. This one was different. Her posture was straight, her eyes challenging, her lips set in determination. She walked in with grace and pride.

_No more_, new Blair spoke. Her clear voice rang through the empty room.

_No more_, old Blair whispered and embraced herself.

* * *

It was Monday. First day in school after that fiasco in Tropic. Blair lowered down scratched Vogue glasses and got a good look at Constance University and it's pupils. Bunch of Kim Kardashian wannabes and mommy's sons. Stares and whispers that used to frighten her, now gave her strange new power. Her skin felt thicker. _Bring it on_, she quietly said to herself. _Do your worst._

She walked into class with her head high. She took no hurry to get to her seat.

''Blair'' Penelope said as she sat next to her. ''Are you okay?''

Blair took out her notebooks and pencil, sparing her former friend no glance. Just another vulture full of lies.

No mercy. No forgiveness.

''Say something'' Penelope persisted. ''It's not true, right?''

She now hushed her voice and leaned in. ''Look, I have a friend who is getting treated for an addiction in Ostroff center. I can help you. I know some people.''

This caused a surge of giggles from Blair. The sound was anything but amused. It sent shivers down her friend's spine.

''Like I would need help from you. Look at yourself.'' Blair said calmly, looking shocked Penelope straight in the eyes. ''You're better off listening to gossip about me. Sounds like it's your favorite past time.''

With that, she opened up her notebook and listened to the sound of retreating footsteps.

Blair focused all her energy on class. Her grades almost slipped because of those few misadventures with Trust Fund Babies (TFB), but she was now more determined than ever to be the best student of her generation. If she sank this low, she decided to aim high.

''I'm going downstairs to cafeteria'' Penelope approached again as the class was dismissed.

Blair audibly sighed and rolled her eyes. ''I told you I don't want anything from you.''

''I just thought you didn't want to show up after that incident'' said her friend honestly. Blair noticed this gesture of kindness, but she payed no attention to it.

''If I don't show up now, I never will'' replied Blair quietly, more to herself. Her eyes were narrowed, looking straight in the distance. After a moment, she breathed in and walked out of class, relishing in this strange mix of bitterness, power and loneliness. It felt good to rely on herself. It felt good not to need anyone. It felt good to go rogue.

* * *

''Chuck still didn't recover from shock?'' asked Paige while sipping her Starbucks. She burned her tongue and cursed in pain. The sun was bright, but the warmth didn't reach TFB. They huddled in their expensive fur coats, Burberry trench coats or cashmere shawls. It was big break before next period and they were all sitting together around the table on the grounds.

''What shock?'' Is answered while casually sexting guy from NYU. ''He is just fooling around. He must have known it. You can't hide anything from Chuck.''

''Bet they're going out'' she murmured as she received unflattering dick pick. A snort escaped her.

''What's wrong with you?'' Serena raised her eyebrows. ''Everything has it's limits. Chuck perfectly knows the society rules. And this would be breaking them.''

''Everyone calm down'' one of the Nate's lacrosse team players said. ''He's not gonna be all depressed now because of some chick. Anyway, did you film the movie star that night, Nate?''

Nate scratched his head. Even though he enjoyed filming, he completely forgot the part where he has to review the role and finish the project. Just thinking about all that work made him tired.

Serena laughed out loud. ''No, he was filming a documentary, not a comedy!''

''To be honest with you guys, you make me sick.'' Nate said, crossing his arms. He remember his own father and his short-termed fling with some substances. Not a lot of people knew about it. ''Do you know what you're joking with? Addiction is serious matter.''

He directed his eyes towards the lioness, leader of this crooked group. Her attitude changed drastically these past few weeks. He always loved her for being bright and easygoing, never arrogant or condescending. ''Your humor also changed, Miss Van Der Woodsen. This stuff isn't funny.''

She caught his eyes and slight blush adorned her cheeks.

''Not funny?'' His lacrosse friends asked disbelievingly, getting up. He was jumping up and down, throwing his hand in the air. He displayed a wild imitation of Blair's dance in Tropic few days ago. Everyone except Nate banged their palms on the table in rhythm. ''You're just like Blair!'' one of the girls said, laughing loudly.

Chuck seemed to come out of nowhere. He looked at the table in rage and then at Nate's friend. ''What are you doing you idiot?'' he spat, shoving him hard.

Nate immediately rose to subdue his best friend. ''Calm down, bro.''

''What are _you_ doing?'' Lacrosse player said, trying to defend himself. Chuck kept shoving him, avoiding Nate's grip.

''Are you that pathetic?''

''Chuck, let him go. C'mon, man!''

Finally, with some help, they managed to separate them. Chuck was breathing heavily, absolutely livid. Only then did he notice Blair watching. They stared at each other with unreadable expression. Within seconds, he shrugged Nate's hands off his shoulders and walked away.

''Chuck'' his best friend called after him, but he didn't even turn.

Blair didn't look at him twice. She cocked her head and sat on the table next to TFB group, looking straight at them, as if daring them.

''Look at her'' Serena said to Nate. ''She sat there as if she's joking with us.''

''I'm sorry'' he replied, his eyebrows knotted. ''But what you did earlier was disgusting.''

''Wow, why is everyone so sensitive these days? And Chuck is even more stupid, defending her broken pride. If I embarrassed myself like she did, I would transfer schools.''

''What is she supposed to do? Give up her scholarship? Move countries? Don't be ridiculous.''

''Oh'' Serena said quietly, smiling at the idea that just popped up in her head. ''I forgot she was on scholarship.''

* * *

Blair was on her way to class when one of the professors stopped her.

''Blair, dean Queller requires your presence in her office. Immediately.''

She stood rooted to spot. Blair has never been summoned by any university body, until now. She was always let to quietly do her studies and go about her business on her own.

''Did something happen?''

''You should just go, everyone is already waiting for you.''

With that, he disappeared and left Blair feeling tremendous wave of shock and fear. Everyone was already waiting for her? Who is everyone? Why her? Professor's serious face didn't give her any consolation. If anything, he would have assured her everything was okay. This was something serious, voice in her head told her. She gathered her wits as well as she could and set towards the office. Blair's hands shook as she opened the doors.

''Blair'' dean Queller said, her voice stern. ''Sit down, if you please.''

No politeness. No warmth.

To dean's side were secretary and other professor she didn't recognize. In front of them was an empty chair and Serena Van Der Woodsen, sitting head bent down. Blair shook as she sat down. Whatever they were watching on laptop before she got in went on without pausing. Blair recognized her own voice. In the midsts of screams, she recognized Serena's. It was as if someone's threw ice bucket over her head.

Dean turned laptop towards the students and Blair already knew what she would see. ''There.''

Someone uploaded the fight they had online and it all somehow ended up in Mrs Queller's mail.

''If this'' she continued, ''is true and not under influence of any editing media - then we have a serious problem here, young ladies.''

''Believe me'' Serena spoke with small voice. Blair was astounded to hear her speak so. She expected she would blame it all on her. ''I'm ashamed.''

Pause.

''The only one who should be ashamed is Blair'' dean Queller said loudly, crossing the fingers of her hands and looking with disapproval at her. Pause. Her voice sounded audibly softer now. ''Even though it was also wrong of you, Serena, to participate in such terrible matters.''

She shut off the laptop and scribbled something down in her notebook. ''You'll both come here tomorrow morning to state your defense. That's all from us. Do you have anything to say?''

''I'm ashamed to be found in this situation, even by accident'' Serena responded, her face full of regret. ''But you see plainly on that video that I'm the victim.''

Blair couldn't disagree there, no matter how much she resented her. In the video, it's obvious that Blair attacked her, multiple times. There was no way of showing the background story.

''I only have one favor to ask of you'' Serena pleaded, her eyes closed. ''No matter the penalty of this, my parents must not know.''

Dean Queller nodded in small sympathy and reverted her eyes back to Blair. ''Do _you_ have anything to say?''

No mercy. No forgiveness. None for her. None for anyone except TFB. She will endure whatever penalty or detention they shove in her hands.

''No'' she responded curtly. Serena looked at her in shock.

''Interesting. You're in worse position than Miss Van Der Woodsen as it is. In this case, you could lose your scholarship.''

Blair was too shocked to speak. She didn't know they would go this far to take it away from her. If she lost the scholarship, she would lose any chance of education. She would have to give up school. Blair didn't even hear when they got dismissed, but she noticed the sound of doors as they closed after Serena. Blair awkwardly got up to get out. Just before she opened the doors, she heard familiar voices.

''Well'' said Nate with worried voice. ''What happened?''

''They want oral defense, tomorrow. I think Blair will lose scholarship.''

''Scholarship?'' he repeated quietly after the doors opened. Blair walked out, pale and shaken. Without one look at them, she passed through Serena and Chuck, and quietly walked away. They all stared at her except Chuck. He was determined in looking at nothing in particular.

''So what?'' said Serena loudly. ''As if she needs tuition or social aid.''

* * *

That night everyone was home for dinner. Dan and dad got back from village. They sold the land for price so small nobody even dare mention it. Blair was in such bad mood, she decided to skip dinner and offered mom to help with collecting trash. Jane gratefully took the offer, having done all cleaning work by herself that day.

''Mom's silken hands'' said she while taking her daughter's hands in hers. Jane's blistery hands gently stroked smooth skin of her daughter's palms. Blair felt it scratching at her insides. She looked at the difference with heavy heart. ''They won't be carrying trash anymore soon. Others will do it for you.''

Blair retreated her hand immediately, flushing with guilt and shame. The thought that she could be without scholarship tomorrow killed her. ''Mom...''

''Blair'' her mother said, smiling to herself. ''I know. You're in love.''

Blair looked at her in shock. This fact was furthest from her mind. Talking about this with Jane seemed odd and painful.

''You have butterflies in your stomach. This house is getting too small for you, right?''

How is she supposed to say; _Butterflies are dead, mom. They turned rotten and acid from their bodies is spreading over my bones?_

''I hope you'll get out of this house'' Jane said looking at the broken mirror hanging on the scraped wall, tiny bed and old frail carpet. ''I knew it from the day you were born.''

Every word her mother uttered was like another stone around her neck. Tomorrow, she will have to disappoint her. Tomorrow, she will have to kill her mom's hopes and dreams. ''Enough'' she said out loud. ''Please, mom. I've heard this story thousand times already. I'm your silk, your gold, your beauty... The more you pamper me, the more pressure you put on me.''

''Oh, my darling. Don't talk like that. Why would mother's prayers pressure you?''

''Then pray inside of yourself.'' Blair insisted, looking away from Jane's face. ''Pray so I don't hear it.''

After a pause, she asked. ''Mom, what if your prayers don't come true?''

''God forbid...''

''What if your gold was actually just rust?'' Blair asked with shaky voice, clenching her fists behind her back. ''What if you daughter doesn't bring prosperity? What if she loses everything she has?''

Jane narrowed her eyes. She scrutinized her daughter. ''Those are strange words. What would you lose?''

After a moment of thought, Blair sighed. Her mother was too clever too fool. ''Never mind.''

''Look at me, Blair'' Jane ordered, her voice laced with worry. ''Did you do something bad?''

''You always think if I did something bad!''

''What else would it be?'' her mother persisted. After a short silence, Jane continued to look intensely at her daughter. ''At your age, everyone is shining like gold. There are people that want to destroy that shine. Only when you let them, you become rust. Do you understand me?''

Blair considered those words for few seconds. After that she nodded vaguely and went to do what she promised.

Right before her first apartment, someone called her name.

''Blair!''

It was Jenny from floor above, on her way out.

''Can you lift up your arm for a second so I can see something?'' she said as she grabbed Blair's forearm and slightly raised it.

After overcoming primary shock, Blair flinched away. ''What are you doing?!''

Jenny sneered, looking her with narrowed eyes. ''So it is you.''

''What are you talking about?''

''I just wanted to be sure it was you who beat up that girl.'' Another sneer. ''And to let you know that you don't scare me. _Ciao_.''

While Blair was silently fuming and collecting trash from resident, Nate Archibald decided to take the advantage of energy those few Red Bulls gave him and to start on his media project. He dimmed all the lights in the apartment and played the role from his camera. First majority of his movie was Serena and long shots of her. He was eating chips and admired her beauty. Who was stupid enough not to fall in love with her?

In that moment, his phone rang.

''I'm looking at you right now'' he said smiling to himself.

''You're in Tropic?'' Serena's delighted voice could be heard on the other side, mixed with loud music. ''Why don't you come?''

''No, I'm not'' he sighed, wishing he was there. ''I'm home, working on my media project. You're on the screen as we speak.''

''Just so you know, camera adds another few pounds'' he joked.

''You idiot. Come on, it's getting boring here. Not even Chuck is around. Bet he's at home crying for Blair's scholarship.''

''Let go of pseudo art and come'' she insisted.

Nate defied any desires and urges that made him drop everything and jump on cab to see her.

''I'll stay at home and finish this. It's going to be movie worthy of Oscar.''

''As if we need another Tarantino. Let me know tomorrow how it went and I'll let you know what good time I had! Good luck!''

She hung up. Nate leaned back on his couch and focused on his large LCD TV. He thoroughly enjoyed watching his work. There was plenty of clips of Serena and their friends. He did have to admit it felt weird to watch this as third non-participating sober party. Especially the parts involving Blair. He watched her behavior increase in craziness. In the background of the scene, he noticed a well-known notorious figure.

Nate paused and reminded back to make sure he saw correctly. ''What is he doing here?''

Carter was in deep conversation with Serena. What did he have to say that Serena would even listen? She hated the guy.

''What are they doing?''

It was as if light hit his eyes and forced them open. Nate hastily got up and grabbed his jacket. He hailed a cab and started towards Tropic.

* * *

Blair didn't sleep that night. She kept rolling over her bed, imagining what her future would look like without school. Bleak. Pathetic. She will probably end up working with her mother. She will probably end up as cleaner to one or few of her classmates. By then, she would be too hungry to feel shame.

Blair rose before dawn. She shivered for an hour in her cold little room. The pain was welcome for it distracted her from such gruesome thoughts. At the first light of the day, she dressed herself with care. Her outfit was completely black, already mourning her failed student life. She put on a brave face and went over the plan she developed over the time she sat wide awake. Did they think she would go without a fight?

Not anymore.

The clock seemed to have sped up. Day devoured seconds, minutes, even hours. Blair barely blinked when she found herself in front of dean's office. She knocked, perhaps more forcefully than she should have.

''Good morning'' secretary opened. There was nobody inside except her, dean and that professor she didn't know. ''Please, sit.''

''We'll start when your colleague comes'' declared dean Queller.

Blair did what she hated the most; she sat down and waited.

Few minutes after Blair entered dean's office, Nate and Serena came to stand in front of it. Any of their friends would see that there was something odd going on. Serena was acting very nervous, she kept breaking her knuckles. Nate stood with crossed hands, looking down on her.

''She's probably already inside'' she said, remembering last night. The way he couldn't look at her, the way she never felt so scared in her life when he flinched away in disgust. She needed Nate. Just because she lost Chuck didn't mean she had to lose Nate too. They must never know this weakness of her.

''Good luck'' he responded, snatching something from the inside of his pocket. It was an USB. He shook it in front of her in threateningly sort of way.

Serena eyed it, a dark cloud settling over her brow. After a long breath, she went it.

When official formalities were done, dean Queller said ''Serena, you may go first.''

''It's all my fault'' Serena said, looking dean straight in the eyes. ''That video doesn't show what really happened.

* * *

''Are they still inside?'' Chuck arrived and asked Nate.

''Yeah'' his friend replied, not looking him in the eyes. ''It's been 15 minutes already... Hey, listen, have you talked to Blair?''

Chuck grimaced. ''There's nothing to talk about.''

''Maybe there is'' Nate insisted. ''You haven't even talked properly. I think maybe you should listen to her, now that you have cool head any everything.''

''You don't get it'' Chuck said, his eyes darkening. ''I can't forget that night or the stuff that she said to me the next day.''

Nate seemed to be having some issues with exhaling. His eyes seemed to dance upon a thought, trying to decide whether to say something or not. Finally, he exhaled, not even aware he was holding is breath. ''Chuck, listen...''

At that moment, doors of the office opened. Blair and Serena walked out together.

''Why did you do it?'' Blair asked immediately. ''If you think you'll getting anything in return, you're wrong.''

Serena looked at Nate, but said nothing.

''What happened?'' he asked, holding the eye contact.

''She took the fall'' Blair informed everyone without looking at anyone but Serena. She felt lighter and finally managed to think properly. ''Serena said somebody edited the video to hurt me.''

''I don't want anything in return. It's the truth.''

Blair looked at this girl that made her life miserable these past few weeks. She didn't seem so important now, she seemed like a scared girl from her dream.

Blair mustered up all the power for forgiveness she hid, all good feeling she buried and all good grace she flung aside.

''Thank you.''

That's it. She went as far as to thank her and grace her with a half smile.

Serena beamed and smiled back at her. She caught Chuck's eyes for a second. ''You're going through some tough time, Blair. I just wanted to help you. No matter what happened between us, I like your attitude. If there was anyone else on your spot, they wouldn't survive. I have a respect for strong women. We're too alike. That's why we didn't get along very well. Maybe it's time for changes now.''

Serena offered hand to Blair and she gladly took it. The blonde went as far as to kiss her on both cheeks.

Chuck looked at Nate as if he was seeing a magic trick he didn't understand. Nate still avoided his eyes, but he was smiling.

''I have to go to class.'' Blair said to Serena and turned around to go.

''I'm glad everything worked out'' Chuck said to her as she passed him. Blair paused for a second, but didn't reply or look at him.

''See you around, B.!'' Serena added merrily at her retreating back.

''I didn't expect this much of you'' Chuck finally said to Serena after she was gone. He seemed impressed, just like Nate did. ''Very mature. It suits you... See you guys later. I'm off to class.''

The duo waited until the last protagonist was gone.

''Hats off. You really turned this into a show.''

''Hand it over'' Serena's smile was now wider than ever.

''Hand over what? As long as this video is with me, everything will be okay.''

* * *

**A/N: **There you go my lovelies! Review review review! Tell me what you liked and what you didn't! What do you think is happening between Chuck and Blair at the moment? Between Nate and Serena? Did the things really cool off at school or is this new Serena-Blair friendship only bound to invite more troubles?

Btw if it wasn't clear enough (I sometimes like of my readers to conclude stuff on their own. Especially if I hint at something, I feel excited for all the different ways you'd imagine that scene in your own particular way), so if it wasn't clear, Nate accidentally filmed the part where Serena got drugs from Nate and used it to drug Blair.


	12. What She Came For

**Chapter Twelve**

**What She Came For**

**Serena POV**

''What do you mean you don't have any birthday plans?'' Paige screeched, wobbling in her new Prada boots. She almost fell, but managed to hog a passing random student to steady herself. Walking away without saying thank you, she took out sanitizer and splattered some on her palms. ''Last year, you knew a month beforehand all the details. Your maid did a great job.''

''It's not the same this time, plus I fired that perfume-stealing hog'' Serena muttered. These girls were smarter than they appeared to be. Nevertheless, she would have to stall until her soul was at peace again. Shopping would help her, at least for a while. ''I'm going to pick a dress today with mom.''

''Maybe Chuck will surprise you with party at Tropic'' Iz said gleefully. Serena loved that place, but for once, maybe that's not what would satisfy her. Things were different. She felt the wind of change on her skin, skies changed color, faces blurred to nonrecognition.

''Damn these shoes'' Paige muttered, stopping in the middle of the hall of Constance Uni. She leaned on Iz and re-adjusted her heel. ''They'll leave a blister... Hey, there's Nate!''

She waved frantically at the guy. Serena's head snapped up. There he was; her secret-keeper. Nate was her blessing and her doom; her dark and light. Since he found out her terrible secret - sun and moon seemed to swap places.

_Serena_, his words echoed. _What's happening with you? You're not yourself. I can't stand this Serena, she's not my friend._

Iz asked him with a wink ''What do you think we should do for Serena's birthday?''

''You girls can talk about it and let me know ideas later'' Serena interrupted, dismissing them. She wanted to have him for herself. These particular matters between them two were wrapped up in their bubble, put under a lock. It was a show within a show, a tornado within hurricane. ''I have to order a very special present from Mister Archibald.''

Girls nodded and left, whispering at change that occurred in their blonde friend. She seemed very different, not as intense as she used to be. They shrugged, thinking how she just probably needed to get laid.

''Yes, Nate'' Serena remarked, approaching closer to him. She stretched out her palm, beckoning with her fingers. ''I want my birthday present_ now_.''

Nate looked at her, smiling. She blinked at his dimples, the way his bangs fell in his eyes. ''It's still early, baby. I didn't buy you anything yet.''

Her eyes narrowed, a demon she now held under shackles waking up and roaring with all might. ''Are you playing with me? You're putting me under major stress. I can't even think about my birthday party.''

''Hey, Blair'' Nate said loudly, a name that has followed her every latest nightmare. Petite brunette approached them with measured step. He turned back to Serena, looking at her meaningfully. ''What is it that you wanted, Serena? An usb with a movie on it?''

Blair didn't miss a beat. ''Movie from that Friday night?'' Her face went pale. Serena looked color drain from her skin, feeling as if some ancient sad ghost was standing in front of her.

''Yeah, you should see it'' he said while looking intently at blonde. ''It's real master-piece.''

''I thought we were over with this charade'' Blair snapped and everyone turned to look at her in surprise.

Serena seemed put off for a second. _Finally, some guts._

She breathed in, willing herself to ignore Nate. ''Don't worry about it, B. He's making crude jokes.'' She put arm under her new friend, ignoring the demon shaking the chains with fury, and led her away. ''Let's go.''

They walked in sync, both trying to get used to the feeling of them being together alone. After many fights and schemes, much to surprise of both parties, it didn't feel so unnatural at all. ''So, Blair... How you've been?''

''What do you want me to say?'' responded she, guarded and alert. Blair still didn't trust this girl, but she would give her a chance to prove herself. TFB member herself risked expulsion and therefore bought herself one paltry chance. ''It looks like this story won't be forgotten easily. Nobody will forget it.''

''Does it matter what everyone thinks about it?'' Serena remembered all the stories that followed her in high school. Some were true, some were very far off. She'd been through everything; drugs, pregnancies, abortions, murder, etc. At the end of every story, she had her two guardians ready to defy world with her.

''Of'course, everyone beside Chuck.'' She paused, looking sideways at her former enemy. How she used to hate her. How she used to hate her for stealing Chuck away from her. Away from Nate. Her guardians, her protectors. Her shield from world. A northern star that lit up sky. Nate was now all she had left, but with dangerous. Chuck sometimes seemed irrevocably lost, sometimes his old self. They were her best friends, they were keepers of her love. Her heart throbbed. ''I don't want to be nosy, but what is happening between you two?''

''Nothing'' Blair assured her curtly. ''Nothing at all. What should be happening, anyway?''

''You're right'' Serena nodded nonchalantly, searching for that feeling of satisfaction at the news. She grimaced, not being able to find it.

''Chuck doesn't trust me'' brunette went on deadpan. Her eyes seemed empty, her words hushed. ''That night... When I walked in the loo that night, some girl gave me pill because I had a headache. She told me it was an aspirin.''

Serena flipped her hair, a sick feeling in pits of stomach making her uncomfortable. She shifted her foot, trying to forget that night. She didn't want to hear her side of the story, she couldn't spare any more sympathy. She spent all compassion on herself and all the nights she spent drunk on nostalgia of old times. Nights of love and laughter. It has been always like that; Chuck, Nate and her. Nobody else. Until now.

''This world is going crazy'' was all she could say. She couldn't look Blair in eyes, Nate's disappointed look kept flashing in her minds. Endless sound of ice in scotch ringing in her head. ''Do you want to go to therapy with me?''

''Therapy?'' Blair blanched, not sure if she was joking or mocking.

''Yeah'' Serena smiled, texting Paige of the plan. ''A shopping therapy.''

After some insisting and nudging, Blair finally accepted the invitation. They set together to Bendel's.

* * *

**Blair POV**

''You should get them'' said Serena to Blair as she eyed a pair of crimson heels with admiration. Blair looked at them with wide eyes, holding the shoes as if they were made of glass. What was she doing here? At Bendel's? With Van Dew Woodsen? She was supposed to be going to bank, running errands for people in her building.

''I like you taste. Not anyone would wear those.''

Brunette stroked the velvet fabric distractedly, imagining herself wearing them. How she'd love to afford them one day. How she'd love to afford whole outfit and jewelry, not having to worry about the money. How she'd love to be called brave and beautiful. Serena called the assistant without giving any time for consideration. ''My friend wants to try these shoes.''

''Yes Miss Van Der Woodsen, immediately.''

Blair was pleasantly surprised at the fact that the assistants knew Serena's name. Blonde didn't even seemed phased by it. She always imagined she'd do these things with Georgina, but relationship between them cooled off significantly. It was bound to happen, she thought. The difference between their status, life, expectations... There was no way to avoid it. Everyone contributed to it, also. You can't blame everything on the stars. It was partly because Blair's schedule had been too busy due to college and Georgina resented it. Partly it was because she couldn't stand Georgina's unhealthy obsession with Chuck. Her patronizing degrading attitude towards Blair that has been escalating was like a cherry on top of that snob filth cake.

Blair came to Bendel's only once, long time ago, when she was sophomore in high school. She window shopped for months, not daring to enter the prestige set of stores. When she finally managed to gather courage and enter it, the adventure didn't last for long. She browsed fancy gowns, touching the expensive fabric, dreaming of the luxurious events and limos.

Sales assistant followed every move with grimace, not letting her out of sight. It wasn't flattering attention.

When more girls entered, Blair's peers from private Manhattan school, assistant came up to Blair with frustration laced in voice ''Are you actually gonna buy anything or will you dirt up every dress with your fingers?''

Blair ran away, hiding her tears from giggles of well-dressed junior TFB. She avoided stores like this ever since - until Serena brought her here. Sales assistants were now attentive, kneeling in front of her and complimenting everything there is to compliment.

''You've got nice small feet, B'' said blonde as she requested another 2 pairs of different shoes for herself. ''Go on, take a walk Cinderella.''

Blair slipped her feet in snug 6 inch heels. The platform erased any feeling of pain or strain she'd feel while walking. Blair noticed difference between these brand new shoes that were comfortable and shiny, and between old Georgina's; already worn out by use. She looked up and saw Serena admiring her.

''They really look good on you'' she said nodding. Blair believed her, raising her head high. They did look great on her. Few ladies dressed in fur coats walked in the store and nodded appreciatively at the shoes.

After half an hour, she followed Serena to cash register.

''I was supposed to go with mom, today. To look up dresses'' Serena explained, grabbing her Louis Vuitton wallet from matching purse. ''I was supposed to buy shoes later, logically. But I can't resist shoes.''

Sales assistant came, carrying three black boxes in their hands. ''Miss Serena, are you buying three pairs?''

''Yes. Blair, why don't you come with me to meet with my mom? We're done with the shoes, all we have left is dress.''

Blair sighed deeply. This has all been like a scene from one of her dreams. But all dreams ended somewhere. She remembered her errand she promised mom she'd do. It was usually mom's job, but there wasn't anyone else available to do it. Father sprained his ankle that morning. They couldn't afford a doctor so he was to sit for few days at home. Mother was cleaning and Dan was off wandering somewhere like a rabid dog in search of his purpose of life. Blair resisted, not feeling comfortable carrying that much money around. For gods sake, they're living in new York and envelope contained thousands of dollars.

''No, I have to go. I have to stop by the bank.''

''That would be 2100 dollars, Miss Serena. Cash or credit?''

''Oh-uh, it's late, B.'' said Serena while casually handing the credit card to cashier. Blair blanched at the price, feeling a twinge of jealousy. ''Banks are already closed.''

''Really?'' brunette exclaimed, inwardly face-palming herself. ''I forgot.''

''Yours are 400 dollars with a discount'' announced cashier to Blair.

''What?'' She bent her head towards them, absolutely shocked with the information. ''No, I just-''

''Oh, don't tell me you're not going to take them!'' Serena persisted, looking livid in return. Blair remembered her look of admiration; she savored it, treasured it. A TFB was looking at her like she was one of her friends. They spent day in peace, even fun. Blair didn't want it to end. ''You can't miss this chance. Plus, they're on a discount!''

After a moment of awkward silence, Serena leaned in towards Blair. ''Do you need help with money?'' she whispered delicately.

Blair shook her head, lifting it up high. If she was going to keep with this facade, she'd do it properly. Help? No, thanks. She could manage a pair of shoes on a discount. Who cares anyway, she'd return it immediately.

''Cash or credit?''

''Cash'' she gritted through her teeth, snatching four hundred dollar bills from the envelope. Cashier's eyes locked on the bills and it all produced the effect Blair was dying for. Awe.

After Blair said goodbye to Serena, refusing offer to ride home together, she ran back to the store before it closed.

''Hello'' she said hurriedly, putting bag on the desk, pushing it away. ''I'd like to return this.''

''You just bought them, right? Is everything okay?''

''Actually yes'' she lied, pursing her lips. ''I just changed my mind, I don't like them anymore.''

''You're right'' cashier said, opening the box. She didn't seemed perturbed by this, as if this scenario often happened in store like this. Blair couldn't care less, all she wanted was the money back. ''If you want, I can show you same ones in different color.''

''I don't want other shoes.''

''You want your money back?''

_Yes, you inept idiot_, she wanted to scream.

''I'll summon our promoter. Shoes on discount can only be exchanged for other item.''

''But-''

''Blair! How are you?'' Paige came from behind, putting her own bags on the table.

_Great, just what situation needs. Another idiot. '_'Good, you?''

''Let's see what you bought'' she mused invading her personal space and opening up shoe box. ''Wow, they're very nice. Very brave of you.''

Suddenly, Blair didn't feel so brave anymore. Fairy tale burst, leaving her with dreaded reality and unexplained debt of 400 dollars.

Blair's strides home were slow and long. She was supposed to deposit the money to landlord's bank account that day. Where would she get the money now? She dumped the bag and the box, stuffing the shoes in her purse so nobody would see it. Blair felt like crap. This was her price for her pride, this was her price for her competitiveness. Her spirits were low, wondering how she'd conjure up this money she didn't have. Her family would kill her.

A car pulled over, windows rolling down. ''Blair'' called out Diana. ''Come on in, I'm on my way home.''

Blair couldn't lift her eyes off the floor.

''What's wrong?''

* * *

**Nate POV**

Nate looked at Chuck downing yet another glass of amber liquid. Like a dragon fueling his fire, drinking kerosene. They were at Bass penthouse. His father was abroad again, they had whole house to themselves. The spacey living room has been their favorite lounge room for years. Chuck put the empty glass back on the table, poured himself another one and browsed through his phone.

''You really are suffering'' Nate noted to his best friend, looking worriedly at him.

''Don't overreact'' Chuck replied calmly, not even lifting up his eyes from the iPhone screen.

''You're hiding it'' he warned sternly, but with best feelings of heart towards the fallen boy. Sign of heartache were clear: infinite amounts of indifference towards everyone and anything, cold look in eyes, feeling of inner emptiness without glass of scotch in hands and shutting off in his room and/or bars.

''Let's just say I got tired.''

''Well, then stop being tired'' Nate insisted, wishing he could be as persuasive as Serena or as witty as Chuck when in mood. All he could offer were honest feelings and simple words. Nathaniel felt thorns of guilt spreading over his chest, eating him alive. Just knowing that girl Blair was innocent deprived him of calm sleep. He wanted to set things right. He wanted to set them right without hurting anyone, especially Serena. If Chuck knew what she did, he'd never forgive her. And she'd never forgive Nate for betraying her. ''Go, talk to Blair. Tell her that you trust her.''

Chuck flashed him a glare. Finally, an emotion. But not the one his best friend was hoping for. ''Except that I don't trust her.''

Nate bit his lip. He forced a laugh. ''Do you really think she's a drug addict? Just look at her-''

''Archibald, you must have been drunk. Weren't you there? Didn't you see how-''. Words got stuck in his throat. Chuck took another drink, downing all the good and bad memories with it.

''I saw.'' Nate went through his hair, exhaling heavily. How is he supposed to fix this mess? His words were now spoken in a rush, like a band aid he wanted to rip off quickly. ''Who knows? Maybe they did trick her! Maybe it was her first and last time... Talk to her. Say you're sorry, apologize.''

''Apologize? Apologize for what? Why is everyone all of a sudden in love with Blair?'' Chuck growled, his jaw clenching. ''Serena keeps harassing me about her health and you tell me to apologize? What's going on?''

Nate scratched his head nervously, not knowing what to say. It was like trying to come up for air, but feeling the cold of sea depth choke you. ''I'm just saying... You only get one shot, man.''

Chuck continued to fiddle with his phone, ignoring his best friend. Nate sighed after a silent pause, helplessly pouring himself glass of scotch and downing it. What he didn't know was that Chuck looked at only picture of Blair he had on his phone. He was recollecting the afternoon spent in auditorium and him sneaking a picture of her beautiful face.

* * *

**A/N: **Almost all POVS in one single chapter! We've got Nate, we've got Blair and we've got Serena! Finally, an introduction to her life and heart, what does she think, what does she do, some story of why does she act the way she does. Chair is still MIA in this chapter, but I promise there will be action in next one! **Let me know** if I did a good job, it hasn't been easy simultaneously developing three characters at once. **More reviews = quicker updates!** Enjoy! x


	13. Fireproof

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Fireproof**

''So you've lost the money'' Diana stated, leaning back on the chair and crossing her arms. Her look was mix of pity and disapproval. Her mascara elongated her lashes so much they left a black stain on the eyelids. ''That scenario is not really clear to me.''

''Not all. Just 400 dollars.'' Blair took a sip of tea, her throat hoarse with all the talking. She gingerly looked around the cafe she so well knew. TFB loved to hang out here. Fortunately, there was nobody familiar that day. Blair bit her lip, straight-out lying to her neighbor. ''Dad put them in five different envelopes. I dropped one.''

''Thank God for that. How can you carry that much money to college? Unbelievable and irresponsible.'' Diana leaned in towards her, muttering ''How are you going to take care of it? Your family still hadn't dealt with problems Dan put you in.''

Blair lowered down her head at the remembrance of hell that awaited her at home. ''I don't know. Dad sold the farm. I think I'll just get some money from it.''

She didn't know why she was saying this to Georgina's mom. Her face was in a strange way comforting to Blair, seeming to offer escape and help. She was like a distorted image of mother she always wanted to have. Gentle. Beautiful. Sophisticated. Ready to catch her when she fell.

Jane was beautiful too, in her own way. Her make-up free face long lost the breath of youth, but there was comfort in her warm eyes. Her lips were thin and perpetually pressed together. Her manners were coarse, her way of speaking bold and crude.

''Mom will get angry with me. Dad will get angry with mom. People from the building with get angry with them. It's their money after all.''

Diana seemed to ponder this. She delicately put her forefinger under chin, asking ''When do you get out of college?''

''Around 4, or 5 pm. Depends.''

''I've got an idea.''

Mrs Spark grabbed her Birkin bag and pulled out her wallet. She counted 4 bills of 100 dollars and handed them to Blair.

Later on, Blair hopped to Diana's limo and they dropped her off to bank to deposit the full amount of money.

* * *

Following morning, Blair came out in front of house to say goodbye to Mother. She didn't dare tell her anything about losing money, but just said she deposited as was expected. Jane got a new cleaning job with one of the rich families and their villa. Jenny Humphrey's mother recommended her to one of loyal customers. The only trouble was demanding daughter of that certain customer.

''I heard she fired last maid, throwing glasses at her. What she doesn't know is that I used to be champion at dodge-ball.''

Too tired to laugh, Blair said farewell and set out to store to buy bread and milk for people in the building. She carried big basket ready to fill it. Mother went the opposite way, towards the bus station. It was hard and it was heavy, but father was still sick with sprained ankle and Dan roamed the city in search of a job. It was chilly Saturday morning, grey mist still clung on the windows of the cars and bottoms of the streets.

After stocking up, Blair threw blanket on the bread to keep it warm and heaved the basket up the street. The company that usually delivered the goods was off that day and was unavailable to do it. As she rounded in on her block, electric shock seemed to freeze her in place. Chuck Bass stood in his best suit in front of her building, looking up at the windows. He carried a bouquet of peonies in hands, nervously tapping with his polished toe-capped shoe.

_What is he doing there?_ she gasped silently, not knowing what to do. _What is he playing at?_

The guy made it clear that he hated her. His glare flashed across her mind, but she still shivered in fright if he would accidentally see Dan or anyone from her family. He would realize her lie and everyone would know She'd be dead with shame.

He spoke to her _one_ sentence since that fiasco in Tropic. What did he want now?

She still stood rooted to spot, million thoughts racing through her mind. Did he come to see Georgina?

Dread she never encountered surged through her body. Her hands shook with inexplicable dire sensation that overwhelmed her.

''Blair!'' a voice called her. It was feminine and familiar, the voice of Diana. Mrs Spark's head peeked out of her apartment window, beckoning for her to come. She didn't seem to see the young dashing man in front of her building. Nobody seemed to see him. It was as if he only existed for Blair. Diana called her one more time, signaling she had the talk with Mr Sparks, as she promised to do yesterday. ''Blair!''

Blair quickly threw the basket in the shade behind one of the parked cars so he wouldn't see it and ask question that would ruin her. She adjusted her sweatpants and smoothed stray hairs out of her pony tails. At that moment, Chuck's eyes reverted from Diana to her. Their gaze clashed together, evoking bittersweet memories deeply buried in her heart.

''Blair, we're waiting for you'' Diana called out once more and retreated back in her apartment, closing the window.

She took a step, but decided against it and stopped. Chuck's eyes never left her face. He slowly approached, holding the flowers in front of him.

''Morning run?'' he asked, looking appreciatively at her sporty outfit.

''What are you doing here?'' she snapped, slightly embarrassed of her old pants. She was still in shock and disbelief. All the affectionate feelings rose, as if from deep slumber, but she pushed them back. She pushed them back with all of her might, she pushed them back with all of her pride.

''I came...'' he seemed to struggle with his words, as if they were something unfamiliar to his mouth. Chuck cleared his throat and raised the flowers in some sign of defense. ''I came to apologize.''

Did he learn the truth? It didn't even matter.

Blair looked at the peonies. Their scent reached her and she reveled in it. They were her favorite flowers. How did he know it?

''Although I didn't count on your mother. I miscalculated again.''

Blair looked up at him, completely baffled. She forgot how handsome he looked. His lips seemed fuller, his eyelashes longer. It was days, weeks even since she last stood this close to him. The magnet between them pulsed, current shook the earth, wanting them both to close the distance between. She shook her head, battling with part of her that wanted to forgive him and threw herself at his feet. ''My mother?''

''I don't know if she saw me'' he explained, looking back at the window Diana used few minutes ago. Blair sighed in frustration as she realized. He thought Mrs Sparks was her mother. Of'course he did.

''How did you find me?'' she clipped, rubbing her forehead. He couldn't be here. He kicked her out of his life and she let him. He saved himself without knowing. He didn't know who she really was. Blair took it as a sign and figured things were supposed to be left that way. Why did he dare challenge the destiny now?

''I saw you two yesterday when you went out of the cafe together. You rode right past me'' he admitted, looking down on the floor, actually looking _embarrassed_. Chuck Bass managed to look embarrassed. What has the world come to? ''Blair, we need to talk. I'll be waiting for you at university tomorrow. Don't let your mother wait, it seemed urgent.''

He offered her the flowers and she took them without thinking. Her movements were a bundle of reflexes, her mind raving with million different scenarios. They needed to talk? What about? Hasn't all already been said? She eyed the bouquet. Nobody ever gave her flowers before. One of the butterflies in her chest fluttered, but she was quicker. Blair let her arm with the peonies fall to her side while she inwardly stomped on every moving butterfly in her stomach.

''Just go'' she whispered, not looking at him. She didn't manage to see his reaction, but after a while he walked out and got into limo. Blair counted to fifty and went back for basket, putting flowers inside and throwing blanket over it.

She considered throwing them to garbage, but her hands wouldn't cooperate. They brought the petals to her nose and corners of her lips twitched inwardly. Blair sighed and went straight for basement. There, she deposited the basket and hid the bouquet behind big cardboard boxes.

She spent the morning at Sparks apartment. It was pristine and clean, thanks to her mother. Decorations were over the top, trying to show off all the luxury family owned. Blair sat on beige plush sofa, feeling uncomfortable under hard scrutiny of Mr Sparks. He was a man in his early fifties, with good set of porcelain teeth and dark hair. Owner of one of most luxurious Manhattan hotel chains and part-time family man. Georgina had his wide eyes that easily turned into something sinister.

''Come to our hotel after class'' Diana said, sitting on a couch next to her husband, but not touching him. ''There's John, the head waiter. You'll arrange schedule with him, deal?''

''Thank you, Mrs Sparks.'' Blair nodded, trying to focus on an open face of female side of pair. Mr Sparks didn't hide his displeasure at this proposal. Blair wondered how much did he actually know. Diana only loaned her the 400 dollars under conditions that she pays it off working as a waiter in one of their hotels. And of'course, as long as she doesn't get into details in front of her husband. ''Thank you, Mr. Sparks.''

The man in black suit stirred at the address and he coughed awkwardly. ''I only wish your parents knew about this... little project. Good luck, Blair.''

He got up, without looking at them and picked up his file from the marble coffee table. ''Diana, I'm going.''

Mrs Sparks followed him all the way to the doors. ''Have a nice day'' she said, leaning in for a kiss.

Her husband looked at her with narrowed eyes and walked away. Blair turned her head away from them, pretending she didn't see anything. Did she get her into trouble too? Did Mr Sparks disapprove of this idea?

Diana stood for few moments in the doorway. ''Well'' she said, snapping her head up and reclaiming her vigor from god knew where. ''It's all up to you now. Time is crucial. Be quick and get a lot of tips.'' She still stood standing, signaling the visitation hour was over.

Blair got up, looking her straight in the eyes. ''I hope I'm not causing any trouble with your husband.''

''Don't worry'' she waved it off, but her creased forehead told a different story. ''You're not. I know your parents wouldn't approve and you wouldn't just _take_ the money. We owe you a lot considering the events with Georgie... This will all be our secret.''

''What secret?'' said a voice from the hallway. In came Georgina still in silky pajamas. Her eyes flashed at the sight of Blair. ''I thought you were here cleaning with your mom again.''

Blair bit her lip, not wanting to snap back in front of her new patroness.

Diana looked at her step-daughter with wide eyes. ''It's just some school project she needs help with. I mean, she doesn't want it to be known until it's finished.''

''You mean you don't want _me_ to know'' she growled back at Mrs Sparks, looking offended. Georgina reverted back to Blair. ''Don't worry, with Diana you'll have the best project ever. The only failed project of hers is me.''

With that, she turned around and thumped her way to her bedroom. Blair blinked, trying to hide her annoyance at the sight of yet another spoiled TFB's tantrum. This one was in denial. ''I'll go get her.''

''What's wrong, Georgina?'' she asked with a sigh, leaning on desk in G's bedroom.

''What's wrong with _you_?'' drawled her friend, sprawled on the messy bed, unsuccessfully trying to light a cigarette. Cold breeze came in from the open window and Blair shivered. ''Since when are you hanging out with Diana?''

She made it sound like they were best friends gossiping about other people, painting each other's nails. ''Oh, please.''

''Please what?'' screeched Georgina, slamming her fist into a pillow. ''You've been whispering about all morning! And you're letting her use you against me!''

Blair rolled her eyes. She turned around to adjust herself and her eyes fell on G's laptop background. It was a picture of Chuck, probably one of those clips from online magazines. Her heart sped up at the sight. All of a sudden, all worry she felt about her friend disappeared into a puff of smoke. Blair realized with heavy heart; there was something very wrong with Georgina.

* * *

''We should have gone to library'' Serena sniffled, warming up her hands. ''My skin will get dry.''

''What's this?'' Nate ranted sluggishly, going through copied notes. He took Serena's and skimmed through them too. ''Now these materials too. Great.''

Wind picked up the pace in Constance courtyard and shuffled them. Their project partner, one of their classmates put his cellphone on one corner for weight. ''I don't get it. Professor Jones says one thing and then professor Martha the other.''

''Chuck, how about we spice up our last year's project? Change few stuff and hand it over as new.''

Chuck Bass didn't hear a single word of this. His eyes roamed over the students in courtyard, apparently looking for someone. There was an anticipation in his posture, an excitement in his eyes. Notes in front of him were untouched, questions unanswered, pencils left where they were dropped half an hour ago. ''Change what?''

Nate looked at his best friend with raised eyebrow. His eyes were still straining, trying to focus at task at hand. He wanted to pass this project. All they've talked about for past hour was about it, but Chuck didn't even blink an eye at the discussion. He usually goofed around or disappeared until last minute, but was great help in some twisted shady way of his. Today, he didn't even bother to try. ''Are you okay? What's wrong with you, dude?''

All of a sudden, Chuck's eyes zoomed in on something not far away from their table and he rose, straightening out lapels of his suit. Serena stopped her scribbling and followed him with her green orbs.

Nate groaned, not believing he'd bail right in the middle of a project that was due soon. ''Where are you off to?''

Serena's mouth twitched at the now familiar spectacle. She sighed, closing her book and adjusted her seat so she'd get better view at another showdown.

''Blair'' Chuck intercepted her way, stopping her in tracks. ''Can we talk?''

''No need'' she bristled and tried to pass by. As if he anticipated that answer, with stern face Chuck grabbed her elbow and pulled her back to face him. Already annoyed, petite brunette closed her eyes and sighed, pausing to hear what he had to say. If she ran, he'd just chase her down.

''I forgot that night'' he stated resolutely, his hands in his pockets now. ''So should you.''

''So should I?'' Blair repeated with incredulous voice, her eyes narrowed and menacing. He spared her a drop of double-edged mercy and now he thought she'd come crawling back? ''_You_ forgot and now all is fine?''

Her voice echoed around, she didn't even bother to keep it low. Where was he when she begged him to hear her out, repeating the truth over and over again until she got sick of hearing herself? Where was he when whole school shunned her? Where was he when she needed him the most? Chuck's brows furrowed, obviously the plan not going the way he wanted it to. People around paused to hear them out, but some of them already moved to go about their business. This scene was nothing new, Chuck and Blair were already notorious for their drama.

''They're fighting again'' declared Serena to newcomers who decided to lounge by their table. She listened to Blair with satisfaction, applauding her at the way she handled this. Truth be told, she loved Chuck, but she saw him break too many hearts already.

Blair raised her head higher, voicing out the thoughts that had been racing through her mind since yesterday morning. He showed up once in front of her house. One time too many. Did he think she'd dance the way he wants her to? Was he that spoiled, that selfish? ''So simple and so easy! Because _you_ decided it. You found out where I live and came. Because _you_ wanted it! You decided that we should have a talk! But _I_ don't want to talk to you!''

Chuck shook his head, his jaw clenching. ''All this because I came to visit you yesterday?''

''Is that what you think? This is all normal for you, right?'' Blair scoffed, crossing her arms. He still didn't even get the hint of what she was trying to explain here. ''Just who do you think you are?! Don't you get it? You can't come and go whenever you please. I'm not one of the girls you regularly chase around. ''

''Oh! This one is good'' Serena commented in amusement, imitating B's voice.'' _I'm not one of the girls you regularly chase around_.''

''You can't come up whenever you want'' Blair resumed, her eyes flashing lightning, her voice ready to carry across the oceans. She was livid and all the bottled resentment came to surface. ''You think it's nice that you got me flowers? Where did you get the courage? Is it my fault? Because I came to your palace, oh Prince?''

The air was crisp, biting their cheeks. Breeze carried the cold and it seeped into their bones. Courtyard was full of life and murmur, but somehow, they didn't notice it. Blair arched her brow, her voice arrogant and proud. ''That before is not real Blair. _This_ is real Blair.''

With that, she threw him a glare and stormed off, leaving him speechless.

''We'll make a short movie out of this'' said one of Nate's lacrosse team players that joined their table. ''We'll name it _Which one is real? _Summary: You can't always get what you want.'' He chuckled at his own joke, not even remembering the way Chuck shoved him last time he made similar one.

''Anthony'' Nate warned, all-too-good remembering it. ''Watch it.''

Serena walked over to Chuck with sympathetic face. She sighed, ''Don't be sad. She's right. Blair got scared her parents would see you. You know they're strict.''

Chuck still had cloud over his brow, storm in his chest slowly boiling.

* * *

Blair, by some superb case that day, managed to focus all her energy on class. People once again gawked at her and whispered, but the air of it seemed somehow different. Blair herself felt charged with electrical power, she seemed taller, her hands mightier. Her head was finally clear. The tide shifted. She hand the upper hand and willed control to remain in her grasp.

''Blair'' one of the lacrosse players caught up with her after class. They never spoke before, even though they had been attending Economy class together for several months now. ''You've got amazing notes. Can I borrow them?''

Blair looked at him. She knew for a fact he never in his life bothered to learn to spell note, let alone study one.

''I've already borrowed them to somebody'' she lied, flipping her hair disinterestedly.

The guy didn't even seemed perturbed by this. ''That's okay. Do you wanna grab a coffee with me later? My treat.''

He flashed what seemed to be a charming smile. Blair grimaced, thinking how she'd rather die. ''No, thanks.''

''Alright, next time then.'' He winked, _subtly_ flexing his triceps. ''Coffee, I mean.''

''They don't waste time, right?'' said Serena as the guy walked away, her smile bright. Her hair was tied in a messy bun, red lipstick on her lips.

''Sorry?''

''C'mon, don't you get it, B?'' her blonde friend laughed, swinging her arm across Blair's shoulder. ''A girl who stood up to Manhattan's playboy. Your price went up, causing quite a ruckus on the market. Now, even value of those around you will rocket.''

''Ridiculous.'' Blair rolled her eyes. ''Whatever.''

Serena's smile seemed to increase in wattage. She cocked her head, checking her watch. ''We didn't seem to catch up this morning. You were too busy with all the.. events.''

Blair shuffled her feet, not wanting to go through that topic. This morning, she was provoked to spill out all that's been bothering her. Those feelings were real and they were dark, she was almost glad she unburdened them. ''Did you get the dress?''

''No, I decided to make a custom made one'' she brushed off the question, her eyes focused on matter she didn't want to let go. ''So... Chuck showed up in front of your home? With flowers?''

Her laugh seemed off key, with a forced note.

''Serena'' Blair said calmly. ''We're not talking about this.''

''Fine, we won't'' her blonde friend replied dismayed. ''There's nothing to talk about anyway. Too bad. He's embarrassed, you're popular.''

Blair forced down the anger at the comment. Despite everything, she still felt protective over him. She didn't want to embarrass him, she just wanted to prove a point. ''You're overreacting, that's not very nice.''

Serena's eyes widened at this speech. ''Oh, well. What are you doing after class?''

''I have somewhere to go...''

After class, Blair rushed to Millennium hotel, one of Sparks' jewels. She talked to head waiter and they arranged she'd stay 3 hours every day. Those three hours had to be explained to her parents. Blair lied to mother she had some major project to finish after school and that it would only take her few weeks. She said she'd be in the library, so they wouldn't worry. Or call.

* * *

That evening Nate sat on couch in Bass penthouse, laptop propped up on his knees. On his left was Serena, on his right Chuck - both in same position. Snacks in front of them were untouched, bottles of water barely drunk. They typed, all of them working on their project that was due soon.

''We can get good quotes from here'' said Nate, mailing them the website immediately.

Serena raised her eyes, rubbing her neck. ''Chuck is not here. His mind is drifting off to Blair.''

The shot was uncalled for. They all worked together, Chuck even managed to focus this time. In response, he slammed down his laptop angrily. The sound echoed through large room. He leaned towards her, fire in his eyes. ''Fine, then get out.''

He's been quiet all day, ever since the encounter with Blair. His eyes were gradually darkening, his morning smirk turning to terrible frown. If he said anything, it dripped with bitterness and sarcasm.

Serena looked at him offended for a second and then slammed her laptop too. She argued, grabbing her pencils ''If you were like this with Blair, you wouldn't be so pissed off right now.''

Chuck clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowed. ''What do you want from me? Enough already!''

Nate was frozen in spot, not daring to move a muscle. His eyes were wide, awkwardly darting from one friend to another. Serena rose hastily, her hands on hips. ''What do I want? I want you to get your shit together. Look at yourself!'' She cocked her head, raising her arms towards ceiling and dropping them. ''How many times were you like this since you met her? Dark, brooding, distant. Look at what your obsession with her brought you to. You used to be fun.''

She crossed her arms, shaking her head. ''If you won her easily, you'd just abandon her. Like all others! But you're stuck on her because she's way smarter than any girl before.''

She picked up her books and reverted her glare to innocent looking Nate. ''C'mon, get up! Don't you see he's kicking us out?''

Nate looked at her with open mouth. After a thought, he shrugged and slowly closed his laptop.

''Just continue this'' she spat angrily out of the lobby, putting her coat on. ''Just continue this and keep embarrassing yourself.''

They walked out of the penthouse and got into elevator. The air now seemed much more charged with suspense and intensity. Serena huffed, her hair a big messy mane. The ride seemed to take forever.

''Serena, this is starting to annoy me. I'm becoming an accomplice'' Nate commented irritated, buttoning up his coat. His look was gloomy, not managing to hide the annoyance. ''An accomplice in crime. I keep hiding what you've done and I have no rest.''

She turned on him, her eyes flashing lightning. She was still furious, rage only building up inside of her. ''Are you threatening me?''

Nate didn't realize how he manage to lose his cool. He grabbed her elbow and pushed her on the wall of the elevator. Serena stumbled with wide eyes, shocked at the outburst. ''What are you talking about?'' he whispered forcefully, pinning her down. ''My friend is suffering here and I'm ignoring it for you. Don't you get it?''

Serena barked a laugh, but it didn't reach her eyes. ''You're going to make me cry'' she mocked. ''Do you want me to explain to you both separately, _again_? He just wants Blair to want him, get it?''

She tried to shake him off, but he only gripped her tighter. Nate's eyes skipped to her mouth and her lips opened in response. Space between them was non existent and she found herself pressing closer to him. Nate inhaled deeply, shaking off feelings that kept resurfacing with her proximity. He refused to be distracted.

''What if you're wrong?''

Serena paused, stiffening in his grip. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

''What if Blair means to him much more than you think? What if Chuck... What if Chuck is in love with her?''

At that moment, elevator reached the lobby and doors rang, opening up. He let her go and walked away towards the limo without another glance.

* * *

**A/N: **Thereeee you go! I promised quicker update with enough reviews. The length of the chapter was just a plus, I couldn't stop myself. It's all about the Chair Chair Chair! It's all very angsty and shaky between them so we'll have to see it through together. This waitressing business is a tricky stuff, things between Nate and Serena are heating up and Chuck is well... Chuck! So review and let me know what you think is happening, or what will happen. I'm dying to find out!


	14. All About Us

**Chapter Fourteen**

**All About Us**

After school, Blair went straight to Sparks hotel to work and pay off 400 dollars that she spent on pair of ostentatious shoes. She quickly got dressed in staff clothes: white crisp shirt, black tie and black slacks. Pulling her hair in ponytail, Blair sighed deeply and grabbed a tray. She didn't have time to be worried nor think too much. Head waiter John scanned her every move and snapped at her if she got a moment to rest, but she didn't care. This was an opportunity and she grabbed it to save herself, there was no other choice. Hotel's cafe was jointed with restaurant. Every time was peak time, the bustle and murmur never-ending. Guests were mostly presidents, ambassadors or such important diplomats travelling through New York. They smelled expensive, their teeth were white, hair in place. They didn't talk to Blair or any staff at all unless to complain. Small chat was something they didn't have time for.

Blair managed to gather some tips and she stashed them for emergency. Rich people weren't keen on giving it, or they mostly just payed by credit card. Her back hurt from standing, her eyes were dropping with sleep - but she didn't notice it. When her hands were busiest, her mind still came back to Chuck, going over this morning's scene at the college. She wanted him to suffer, yet she hated when he did.

A thought she'd never admit out loud, a craving she'd deny, a pulsing need for him - Blair missed Chuck.

She came home that night and went straight to her bedroom. With startling fright, she perceived a piece of elegant paper and a peony on her pillow. With trembling hand, she gently stroked the smelling flower and took the paper.

_Blair,_

_I want to understand you._

_Chuck x_

Her heart sank at the note. She must have missed it in the the whole bunch of flowers. He wanted to understand her, yet he couldn't. They came from two polar opposite worlds. Her fist clenched at the remembrance of her cruel words this morning. But who brought the note here? Who found it hidden in the basement? She dropped on the bed in agonizing panic. Mother opened the doors of her bedroom, but didn't enter. She wasn't surprised at the peony. Her look was stern and - disappointed. _I know_, it seemed to say.

''Mom'' she rose to explain, but Jane's eyes flashed to silence her.

''I don't want to hear it. I'm not even going to ask. Because I _trust_ you.''

_I trust you won't do anything stupid, _it meant.

With a thud, she closed the doors.

Blair exhaled heavily, feeling relief it was her mother, instead of Dan or dad. Dad was too old fashioned, he'd never approve of any courting before marriage. He does it out of over-protectiveness, his love was unquestionable. Despite loving effect, she'd also experience the angry one... Blair was once on that bad side and never wanted to go through it again. She could still feel Bob's slap on her face. He thought modesty and virtue were all that was important and tried to implant the same regards to descendants of the family. Dad took those values to consideration, but made a grotesque out of them. He did things out of pride, out of spite.

However the relief, Blair realized she betrayed mother's trust. Mother just wanted to be her confidante, to talk to her and be there for her. Blair rejected her and lied, for everyone's good. If her family knew what she's done, they'd never forgive her.

A tear fell from her eye. The only people she cared about hated each other. Their worlds clashed and threw everyone into chaos. Her heart throbbed at the lies she told them, her heart throbbed at the pain and pleasure she found in Chuck. She wiped the tear quickly and buried her head in homework.

* * *

Serena opened up the fridge and looked for something to eat. She'd have to leave for college soon and her stomach rumbled unpleasantly. Her phone rang on the counter, the sound piercing through empty kitchen. It was Nate.

Nate. Her best friend. Her secret-keeper. Well, she had few of his secrets up in her own sleeve.

A flash of dark hair, messy sheets.

She gulped down a knot in her throat and let it ring, going back to scavenging the fridge.

''You've got a call'' said deep voice.

''Chuck'' she exclaimed, surprised. Yesterday night was intense. Their project was still unfinished, but she thought they were all still mad at each other. It rarely happened that all three of them fought, but it took them more than 24 hours to make up. Usually Serena initiated it and they all went along, acting like nothing ever happened. Stuff like those only brought them closer together. Her smile widened at the sight of him, glad he came to her on his own. Serena took the offered phone and rejected the call, feeling guilt penetrate her soul.

''You're tired'' she observed bags under his eyes and the way he drawled every word he uttered. ''It must have been a long night.''

''Long and lonely'' Chuck muttered, looking up at her under his eyelashes. He was hunched over her counter, playing with his sleeve.

She felt bad about the outburst now, seeing him like this didn't make her feel good. She hated that he didn't get sleep on her account. Serena wanted to make him feel better, as a redemption for her behavior these past few days. She closed the fridge and sat on counter next to him.

''Let's go to movies'' she suggested excitedly, grabbing his shoulders. It always cheered him up. Besides, they haven't spent any time together lately. In the past, they'd spend days, weeks even, together. Alone and without Nate. Nate was sometimes too busy hanging out with Penelope.

He thought nobody knew it. He'd go away for a night, on the pretense of visiting his grandpa. But Serena always knew where he went. She never told him.

Chuck and Serena would go to movies, they'd make fun of Bart's new girlfriends and they'd dream about their grand lives as adults. For a moment, it all felt like they were 15 again, night dipping in pool at Hamptons. ''I don't feel like going to college and by the looks of it neither do you.''

Chuck didn't raise his head. He didn't even smile. His skin was pale, his eyes sunken. ''I know women'' he explained as if he didn't hear what she just said. His voice was unnaturally somber, his fingers still occupied with sleeve. ''I know what you like, what you want to be done to please you... I just know. But with Blair, no rules apply. With her, everything is different and I'm left feeling baffled.''

Serena froze. Her eyes fluttered in disbelief. Another Blair tantrum?

''After her, everything changed. I don't know what happened or when...''

''What happened, Chuck?'' she whispered worriedly. This talk didn't seem so light anymore.

There was a pause. Chuck shrugged, his face changing the expression. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. ''No idea. Let's go to college.'' He ordered the limo to be ready and topic seemed to be closed for further discussion. Serena jumped from the counter, a gaping hole in her chest. Memories from high school flashed across her mind; her and Chuck laughing, her and Chuck sunbathing on St Barts, her and Chuck racing on piggyback. She clenched her fists, promising herself how she'd never let anyone make her lose him or hurt him.

* * *

That day Blair exited from class and headed towards bus stop to catch a bus to hotel. She carried her bright blue coat in hands, the halls of Constance Uni warm and cozy. So far there were no incidents, unless you count over-helpful male students and Penelope. Penelope, apparently, couldn't take no for an answer. She kept making cryptic comments about Serena and whole TFB, saying how they were up to no good. How she shouldn't trust me. Blair shrugged them off, figuring she was just trying to get back in her good graces by undermining the stereotypical antagonists.

''Blair, how are you?'' said a well-known figure. It was the same guy who imitated her dancing few days ago in courtyard. It was the same guy that almost picked a fist fight with Chuck Bass for it. She didn't hide her annoyance at the sight of him. Blair rolled her eyes and stood, waiting for whatever stupid thing he had to say.

''I feel bad for that thing the other day'' Anthony declared, thinking his puppy-eyes would do the trick. He put his hand over heart, gesture overly- dramatic and hilarious. ''I was stupid, I'm sorry.''

''Yes, you are. There's no need to apologize though'' Blair said, brushing him off. ''I couldn't care less about it.''

The guy seemed put off by the answer. He was one of lacrosse players; handsome and well-aware of it. Rejection didn't seem like a likely scenario to his mind, but it made the game sweeter. ''Alright, but I _will_ make it up to you.''

She didn't bother to dignify this ridiculous comment with an answer. Flipping her hair, she turned away and walked out of the building out on courtyard. It was a cold cloudy day and she shivered in her thin coat.

Her heart sped up at the sight of him. Chuck was walking in her direction. There was an impassive look on his face. He spotted her, but his eyes brushed over her as if they would over a tree. There was a handsome blonde figure next to him, chatting merrily. Serena noticed Blair and let Chuck's arm go. Serena paused in front of her, but Chuck passed right by, not even sparing her a look.

It hurt. She didn't realize his indifference would hurt this much. Her heart screamed in agony, wanting to go over and drown in his arms.

''How are you, B?'' Serena asked, her face illuminated by her smile.

''Good'' she lied, feeling herself tremble from within, not due to cold. ''You?'''

''Good'' blonde answered, her eyes focused on retreating figure of Chuck. ''He listened to you.''

''Sorry?''

''Chuck's not talking to you. He's not even looking at you. Just like you wanted.''

Blair barely held herself from falling apart. She felt like she had worms in her guts, moving and twisting. She felt sick. She pushed him away and it was as if she shot herself through her heart. Blair breathed in and used all effort to shrug carelessly. ''I'm not as observant as you. I didn't notice.''

''So'' Serena smirked, her eyes glinting. ''What's the rush?''

''There's no rush. Classes are over.''

Serena laughed and it only fueled Blair's anger. ''Even now you're rushing home.''

The comment stabbed her in her pride. It sounded like all she did was spend her free time at home. Serena made her sound like she was a hermit. Blair bit her cheek and forced her voice to remain calm. ''I'm not going home'' she snapped, hoping it would leave her wondering. She also hoped this information would reach Chuck. Blair wondered if he'd care? Would it make him jealous? Or is he really over her? ''I'll see you later.''

* * *

Nate lounged on couch in his apartment that night, re-watching his project movie from Tropic. Nate skipped classes that day. Last night's fight exhausted him and he figured if anyone should like to see him - they would know where he lived. He watched the movie with narrowed eyes, willing himself to change his mind about some matters. He would often pause the video on Serena's face. His heart would speed up at the sight of it. But as if by it's own will, his hand would rewind it to scene where she talked to Carter and handed a pill to unknown girl. There, his loyalty to Chuck rose so much until it hit the ceiling, his best friend's tortured face haunting his dreams.

He exhaled heavily, grabbing fistful of his hair. Is this right? What is he to do? Serena has been rejecting his calls all day and seeing the victim of all this mess every day at school didn't help. At least Serena started to be nice to Blair, despite the pressure of blackmail. Sometimes it seemed over the top, sometimes he would believe her. Other times, she'd make it clear she was doing this just to get that usb.

As on cue, his phone rang.

''Are you home?'' Serena wasted no time in beating around the bush, sound of horns in the background. Was she driving?

''Yes'' he whispered, her voice like a bitter melody to his ears.

''Good, I'm coming now to get the movie.''

''I was just watching it'' he said, glad to be talking to her after a long day. He relaxed, the guilty slowly dissipating in something more pleasurable. ''Should I pause and make popcorn?''

''Don't bother, I'll watch it at home.''

''But this is a private movie and not up for borrowing.''

Doorbell rang and he stiffened, not expecting her to already be at his place. Nate paused the movie right at the scene where Serena talks to Carter. He rose to get the doors, not wanting her to wait.

''Would you look at that'' he told her, quite impressed. ''Right on time. You arrived at most exciting part of the movie.''

''What are you talking about?'' Serena asked confused.

Nate rolled his eyes. ''I know that you're here.''

''Don't be stupid'' she complained, thinking how he's just joking with her. ''I'm still on my way.''

Nate sighed and opened the doors, expecting her to be there.

''Chuck!'' he exclaimed surprised, a shock rooting him in spot. There was a sound of tires screeching on the other line.

Chuck looked at perplexed Nate with narrowed eyes. He put his head first inside the apartment, thinking how his friend probably already had company. ''Looks like you're busy.''

''Wait'' Serena bellowed breathlessly. ''Did you turn off the video? Nate, did you?!''

''No'' said Nate to her, but Chuck thought he answered to his question about company.

''Good'' his best friend said, coming inside and shrugging his jacket off. ''I'm bored.''

''Chuck will see'' yelled Serena with panic filled voice. ''Turn it off! Turn it off!''

Nate turned around to head towards the living room, but Chuck was faster and in front of him. Dread filled his heart. Dread filled his heart not for Chuck, not for Blair, but for Serena. In that moment, he realized that no matter how much he cared for Chuck - Serena will always take number one place in his heart. No matter how she acted lately, no matter how much she despised and resented him for some stuff in past, he'd always protect her.

''Nate please'' she pleaded desperately. He didn't respond and it worried her. ''Are you there? Please turn it off! Did you?''

Chuck walked into the living room, but didn't bother to look at LCD plasma screen. If he turned around, he'd be quite shocked at the clip. Nate lunged to remote control and quickly turned it off before his friend could turn around. Relief flooded his body and he plunked down on sofa.

''It's all fine. I did it'' he quietly said to Serena, knowing if he had to choose between his best friends - he'd always choose Serena. Even though she might not feel the same. But then again, that was his own fault. If there wasn't for Penelope, things would be very different now.

Nate was woken up next morning by soft knocking his living room doors. He rubbed his eyes, willing himself to wake up. He kicked off the blanket and got up, stretching. Chuck was on opposite couch, still asleep under blanket. They spent the night drinking and playing video games, not wanting to talk about the night before or anyone else for that matter.

Serena walked in the room and put the paper bag with coffee on the table. Nate's maid let her in, knowing full well she was master's best friend.

''What's he doing here?'' she asked quietly, looking at Chuck. ''Another Blair crisis?''

''All women are the same'' Nate shrugged his shoulders, thinking himself how beautiful she looked in the morning. Fresh-faced and full of life. ''You think everything is about you.''

''Fine'' Serena snapped crossing her arms. All the pretense of good will between them was gone. They were left with crude reality that reeked of old buried problems and resentments. ''Go shower. I'll wake him up.''

Nate turned to go towards the bathroom, but what she failed to see was that he hid behind the wall that separated the rooms. With amused but half-hidden face, Nate observed Serena walking on tip-toes and gingerly rummaging through his living room, looking for something. She groaned in frustration, quietly flipping every vase, opening every drawer.

''What are you doing?'' asked Chuck, his voice groggy and his hair tousled with sleep.

Serena turned back in a flash, her mouth and eyes open wide.

''Serena is just like that'' Nate explained loudly with a smile, getting out of his hiding place. He was playing with usb in his hands. ''She stops by in the morning; cleans up and dusts the place. ''

''Now you'll also iron my shirts, right?'' he grinned confidently as Serena's eyes zoomed on the thing she was looking for.

She bit her lip, still looking at usb in his hands. ''Of'course'' she gritted through her teeth.

Their eyes met and he then realized with sinking heart that she still didn't forgive him for Penelope.

* * *

''It's perfect time for Aspen'' said Anthony, Nate's lacrosse team mate. He had his ray ban wayfarers on, despite the fact that New York hadn't seen sun for days.

''That would be amazing'' moaned Paige, her cheeks rosy with coldness of the afternoon. Constance Uni was brimming with students as ever and TFB were at their regular spot in courtyard. ''We still haven't opened up a season. S, let's celebrate your birthday there!''

''I don't know'' muttered Serena, head in her palm. She was throwing icy glances at Nate and he ignored them. Things between them still hand't cooled off. In fact, they were only going downhill. ''I don't even feel like celebrating. But I do expect a _present_.''

She looked at Nate with pointed look, her eyebrows raised.

''Chuck'' Paige grabbed his elbow and he subtly shook her off. She didn't seem perturbed. ''What do you think? Aspen, skiing, fun, hot tub?''

He looked at her with long exasperated look. ''No, no and no.''

''Man you never say no to hot tub'' Nate remarked with horrified face.

Paige rolled her eyes, but they then caught a person grabbing a seat near them in the yard. There was Blair, her bright yellow coat standing out in the crowd. She didn't seem to see them, but was focused on textbook laying on the table she was sitting at. Paige smiled wickedly, nodding towards the petite figure. ''And if Blair came up with the same idea now? I wonder how many of you would go with her.''

''I'd go'' immediately responded Anthony with a cheeky smile. To everyone's shock, he got up and actually went towards her with long confident strides. Lacrosse player intercepted a couple carrying coffee tray and he took two cups with ''I'll take this, my friends.''

He left them gaping at him, too shocked to react.

Anthony approached the table where Blair sat alone, book sprawled in front of her. ''Coffee?'' he politely asked.

She raised her eyes, looking at him suspiciously.

''I told you I'll make it up to you'' he explained with a smile. ''This is step one.''

Blair frowned, thinking how she'd rather eat grass than see what was step two. The guy was an idiot and she had absolutely no interest at sharing coffee with him, let alone germs. Anthony seemed to read her mind well. He looked over at TFB table, where they all gawked at them and tactfully said ''Unless it's problem because of Chuck?''

She looked over at Chuck and their eyes clashed. Shiver went down her spine. His eyes were dark as ebony, something sinister in them. They seemed to penetrate into her very core, unsettling waters and shifting the air. His hands were crossed on his chest. He looked like he'd come over and choke them both. Blair remembered the way he ignored her earlier, how he didn't even bother to look at her, until this clown came.

''No'' she heard herself speak. ''It's not a problem at all. Sit, please.''

Anthony sat down putting cups on the table. He was an expert in small talk with girls he never met before. Blair found herself laughing out loud at every other word he uttered, her gaze ever so often flickering towards Chuck.

''What's this?'' blurted Paige, looking at them two.

''A punch below the belt'' elaborated Nate, his eyes reverting to Chuck. His best friend seemed to be frozen, glaring at the duo. Chuck Bass was scariest when silent, like a panther before springing for a kill. ''It's obvious what's Anthony doing. He's flirting with Blair to piss you off.''

Chuck's jaw clenched and he slowly rose, taking his time.

''There won't be any trouble, right?'' hurriedly asked Nate, his eyes darting back to his lacrosse teammate.

''It won't take long'' seethed Chuck, his voice filled with venom. TFB group fell silent, not daring to contradict him nor having courage to subdue him.

Blair noticed Chuck walking towards them, like a threatening wave before it crashes on the shore. His hooded eyes never left hers. Blair's heart thumped violently, she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. All her being trembled for him, every fiber yielded to him. This grain of attention was like a wind in her back, she felt thrill of the chase and pleasure it evoked.

He finally approached them and it was as if you were expecting lightning, only to be drenched by rain. Chuck leaned to Anthony, whispering something in his ear. Chuck's eyes never left Blair's. She waited for him to talk to her, she waited for him to address her. Her soul ached for his touch, his whisper. Too soon, he pulled back and walked away, leaving the guy completely changed.

''What did he say?'' Blair demanded, clenching her fists.

''Nothing'' said Anthony, pale and shaken. He looked at Blair as if he was seeing her for first time and rose to leave. ''Nothing important.''

Blair huffed irritated, her eyes flashing. What did Chuck say? She died to know. Was it something about her? Was this the way to openly declare vendetta? Or worse, was it fatwa? With a resolute mind and trembling heart, she ran after the culprit.

''Chuck!'' she called him as he walked towards uni building, instead of back to TFB table in courtyard. He got inside, turning to a corridor people rarely used. ''Chuck!''

He heard her, she knew, but he didn't stop. His back were still turned, marching through silent hall. She grabbed his elbow, using all of her force to stop him. ''What did you say to him?''

Chuck turned around, but didn't bother to look at her. His eyes were still dark, his mouth pressed together. ''If it was your business too, I would have shouted.''

''You can't look at me and whisper about with him'' she stated, feeling butterflies roaming in her stomach at the sight of his face. Their voices echoed around the empty hall. ''What did you say to him?''

''Ask him'' he said, his voice cold. ''Maybe he'll tell you.''

''I'm asking _you_'' she persisted, drunk on the sound of his voice. He was cruel, but she didn't mind now. They've been apart for too long. ''What did you say?''

''Why do you care?'' he inquired with eyes narrowed, cocking his head. His voice was still cold, but less so. It had a breath of curiosity. ''Is what I said that important to you?''

She blinked few times, finding herself captivated with his lips, even with his punishing voice. ''It -'' she stuttered, for a moment forgetting what they talked about. ''It wouldn't be if you hadn't said it in front of me.''

''Oh, really?'' he spat and turned around to go.

Blair didn't know why she did the following, but she found herself desperately grabbing his palm. When their skin touched, it was as if the sky cleared open and sun shined just on them. Warmth radiated from his body, spreading from tips of her fingers over her own flesh.

Fire in her chest roared brighter than ever, her breath hitching. Shocked and dazed, she tried to pull her hand away, put Chuck only pressed them together with his fingers, not letting her go. Every pressure of his was like a magic to her body. Chuck focused on her chocolate eyes, muscles of his face relaxing. His eyes were still dark, but there was lust in them - a hunger only she could satiate.

''I leaned in towards him'' he whispered, his breathing low and ragged. Chuck closed the space between them and he let his lips slide over her ear. Blair felt her knees go weak. ''I told him: _Behave and stay away from her_.''

His lips were moving against her ear, sending electric feeling down her body. She felt her insides melting, a pleasant warmth between her legs. She closed her lips tightly, suppressing a moan at this feeling.

Chuck pulled back his head to get a good look at her lips, his body still pressed to hers. His fingers wouldn't let hers go. ''Blair'' he murmured gently, holding her close to him. ''There's something going on between us. You know it too. There's no point in denying it.''

Blair's head swam. She felt his skin, but it wasn't enough. She looked up at him, her mouth slightly apart, hungering for the taste of his lips.

Chuck's eyes flashed towards her perfectly curved mouth, his eyes darkening. He whispered, ready to give in - but not before she answered him. ''Are you mine?''

Something deep in her belly pleasantly moved at these words. She nodded, sending to hell everyone and everything - it was done. Chuck impatiently closed the distance between them, holding her tightly in his arms as if she was his life. They kissed passionately in the empty hallway, their heads full of fireworks, they hearts full of love.

* * *

**A/N: **I think we all agree when I say FINALLY YESS CHAIR OMG WOOHOO. I don't know about you but I'm very happy how this chapter turned out! I got so angry at myself after posting last chapter because I was _**quite** _dissatisfied with it. So I channeled all my inner fury and whatnot to writing this one.

I want to say one BIG welcome to fans of Serenate! This story is about you as much as it is about Chair. I see these two couples as currents that charge and support each other. Each one will have their own story that intertwines with the other.

I also want to thank everyone for their support and love (I feel like I'm writing a will ugh). Until next time! xx


	15. Today

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Today**

Penelope stood in front of the large mirror, dressing herself with rush. She pulled on her green patterned blouse over favorite pink lacy bra. She thought today was special occasion, a day she would never forget. Today was the day she gets her payback. Today was the day the balance will be restored.

Nate walked out from the bathroom, red towel around his hips, his hair dripping wet. She hated the way he jumps to shower immediately after sex, as if they did something dirty that he had to scrub off. Penelope couldn't help but to eye his body, thinking how she'd well go for round two. But not today. ''You're already dressed?'' he asked shocked. It was always him who had to drag her out of the bed, who nagged her to get a cab. She always wanted to stay with him, to go out for a meal together, to watch a movie. Nate never let her stay that much.

''I'm not staying in bed'' she explained, zipping up her skirt. She caught up with him after class and as per usual, few words were enough to make a deal. He would wait for her with limo few blocks away, fearing someone would discover their _thing_ they had. ''Or this time you won't even look at me before I go?''

Nate rolled his eyes. She always did this, always begged for more, always tried to make something out of nothing. And he told her right at the beginning, he told her there was nothing between them. He told her it would be just sex. Yet she said yes, yet she never failed to ask for more. Though this time was different, this time she was dressed before he even showered.

Someone rang the bell. Nate got up to check out who it was. ''It's Serena'' he whispered, panic in his eyes. Penelope bit her lip, hating how he always looked around that girl. But that was then. Today was different. Today was the day everything changes. Today, she didn't care. Penelope quickly picked up her heels and bag off the floor and quietly locked herself in his bathroom.

Nate threw a pair of sweat pants and a polo shirt over head, the collar wet with his hair. He inhaled deeply and opened the doors.

''Where were we?'' Serena barged in, her golden hair braided. ''This is the place where you had that usb last time.''

She rushed to bedroom and he rushed after her. ''Oh, yeah. I'm gazing at that usb every night before I go to sleep.''

''What's this?'' she said with raised eyebrow, sporting a half smile. His friend eyed the messy sheets, which were still warm. Despite the smile, her eyes were tense, her hands on hips. ''What's this? Some guest I know?''

''Serena...''

''Give me back what's mine'' she interrupted, not wanting to hear the answer.

''Yeah, _sure_.'' Nate shook his head and walked over to night table. He leaned down and took the usb, danging on his finger. He had to be careful about his words. Penelope was the last person that needed to know about this mess. ''This is getting really annoying.''

''Fine, give it to me then.''

''Go. I'll think about it'' he chided, wanting her to leave as soon as possible. His heart beat violently, not wanting her to find out about Penelope in the bathroom. He didn't want her to know, he wouldn't be able to explain. He didn't want to hurt her. Would it hurt her? At the times, she seemed so involved with Chuck that he was sure she completely forgot about him.

He didn't want her to know his dirty secret. On the other hand, he'd cherish hers. ''If I decide your intentions are good, I'll give it to you.''

Serena seemed to consider these words. ''Fine. Fair enough. But know that this is ruining our friendship.''

She turned around on her heels. Nate frustratingly threw the usb on the bed. After Serena left, he exhaled heavily, his heart unsettled and in pain. ''You can come out, she's gone.''

Penelope slowly walked out from hiding place, fully dressed and her make up fixed. ''What did she want?''

''None of your business'' he muttered, already irritated with her over-stay. He looked at her. She filled his lonely days, his empty lonely hours yet he couldn't bear to manage two sentences with her without rolling his eyes. He knew he was being unfair, but she knew what she consented to. He made it clear there would never be anything more than just casual sex. ''I'll get you a cab.''

He went into the kitchen to grab his phone. Penelope followed his steps with narrowed eyes, casually throwing her blazer over usb on bed. When he was gone, she grabbed it and shoved it in her bag. ''No need, I'll just hail one on the street.''

She rushed out of the apartment. It's not like they ever kissed goodbye or anything. She decided to skip the awkward post sex wave and jumped in the elevator. Her heart was beating violently. Today was the day. Today was the day she would finally get what she wanted. And she did it all by herself. Penelope used the back door that led to parking. There was a limo waiting and she looked around, in case anyone saw her getting in.

''Did you get it'' asked Serena as the newcomer closed the doors of the limo. Penelope felt the trill of the scheme, she felt the thrill of finally being accepted. The it group always ignored her and now their leader finally spread her arms wide open in welcome. For the price, of'course.

She nodded and took the usb out of her bag, handing it to her. Serena's smile was brilliant. She toyed with usb, looking at it as if it was most precious thing she'd ever posses.

''See you at lunch tomorrow?'' Penelope asked gingerly, testing the waters. She wanted to see if the scheme was done, if the blonde would hold her end of the bargain.

''Of'course'' Serena responded, her smile more of a twitch than anything else.

She dropped Penelope off on her way home. She was elated. Finally, the world played how she wanted it to. Chuck and Blair had a fight this morning and things were finally over between them. Chuck looked pissed off beyond repair. She said goodbye to heartache and hello to old Chuck. He disappeared after that fight, but it was necessary. He needed time to get back on his feet. And now this usb, this knife that was hanging over their friendship, another bomb to land on both their faces. She finally had it in her hands.

Serena walked into her bedroom and spotted new cleaner dusting the TV. ''You're not done yet?'' she asked casually, throwing her bag on the bed.

''I am, I just have your bathroom left'' Jane explained, picking up her mop and going towards en suite bathroom. Serena nodded and plugged the usb into plasma TV port. She wanted to see this movie, she wanted to see what was on the plate. She waited too long for it. Pressing play, she sat back on the bed and stared at it. There were many shots of her, she noted with pleasant surprise at the beginning. She rewound boring parts and pressed play at the sight of Carter. Something bad gnawed at her insides. Sour terror filled her chest and she pressed rewind again until she saw Blair's face. This was when stuff got interesting. She once again watched Blair dancing wildly, completely drugged and oblivious to everything.

What Serena failed to notice was her cleaner standing next to her, staring at the screen with horror-stricken face; watching as her own daughter, wearing Georgina's dress, acting the way she never in billion years would imagine Blair would.

* * *

Chuck plunked on sofa at Bass penthouse, sighing heavily. Maid brought him bottle of scotch and a glass, but it lay untouched on the shiny surface of a coffee table. He felt like he could breathe easier, there was nothing weighing him down. Finally, he got it right with her. Finally, Blair let him in. He was so persistent, he wouldn't give up on her and it payed off. Even though he couldn't find her after class, he knew she was his. Their kiss told him enough. Nothing else matter. Nobody else.

He took the magazine from the stack and flipped through it, without actually reading anything. Chuck even went to visit Mother after classes. He usually avoided the place, in case he came across her new husband - Chuck disliked the guy. And the guy clearly disliked Chuck. Thankfully, he wasn't there so he could have quiet lunch with Evelyn. Evelyn noticed change in her son immediately, he realized with a start.

''What's going on with you?'' she asked gently, putting his face in her soft palms. She always smelled like sandalwood. It was one of the times she was flooded with motherhood and parental love. Evelyn ex Bass was not an ideal mother. She was a hard woman, demanding and stubborn with selfishness installed in her breeding that she refused to let go even at this age. What with leaving her family and spending majority of time post divorce with her new partner traveling around the world, one couldn't say she deserved the Mother of the year award. Other times, she would find herself fully committed to Chuck, looking him with all the love she could muster and brushing hair from his face like he's seen Lilly do to Serena million times. That were the times he chose to remember, that was the Mother he chose to have.

''It's nothing'' he quietly said, looking down on his plate of salmon. Evelyn stopped inquiring about girlfriends long time ago. It was the day when she realized, with a twitch in her eye, that her son was too much like his father. She made up with the fact that he'll probably never commit himself to anyone seriously. She left the Bass empire of debauchery and emotional instability willingly, never wanting to look back. With a pang in her heart, she then wished she had a daughter.

''Bring her to lunch sometimes'' she murmured, pulling back her hands. Any girl that was able to occupy Chuck's mind even for a split second, was worth meeting.

Bass apartment didn't have the warm homely atmosphere Mother's place had. It was bachelor apartment, minimalistic and modern. Simple furniture, metallic decorations. No pictures, no decorations that reasoned of past. Chuck flipped through pages of a magazine and pulled short on a page six, picture of Bart Bass looking at him sternly. There was a whole article spreading over two full pages. Besides that picture, there were images of Tropic, most popular club in Manhattan, and one sneaky picture of Chuck. He hated looking at himself in papers, as if he was an animal in zoo - there to be gawked at.

''You're lagging behind'' said the hard voice of his father. Chuck looked up, not even aware Bart just walked in with one of the girls Chuck's age under his arm. The girl was in shamefully short sequin dress, her cleavage on full display. ''That paper was published long time ago.''

Bart sat down next to him, the girl left standing in the middle of living room as some sort of post-modern statue of life wasted away. Father put his hand on Chuck's shoulder in condescending manner. Chuck stiffened under the rare occasion of his touch. ''Father, you're hard to keep up with.''

''What did you think of the article?''

''I'm amazed'' Chuck said ironically, gazing down at the magazine. ''But your reputation will over-shadow Tropic.''

''Tropic maybe'' said Bart, standing up, firing back with snide. ''But not you.''

Father grabbed two glasses and filled them with scotch. He walked over to the girl and handed her one. ''I'm promoting my heir and my empire. But Chuck isn't pleased, as you see.'' He hugged the girl's waist and they laughed.

Chuck's eyes flashed, his annoyance brimming over already. He never bothered with being called an heir, but something about today told him he had a problem with it. ''Why don't you call it a night club, like normal people do? And call me your son, instead of an heir.''

Bart froze, shooting daggers at Chuck. He looked at him long and hard before turning over to the girl with cruel smirk ''Mother's son.''

''Yes'' Chuck heard himself whisper, but it didn't reach them. He knew Evelyn was against all of this, she never hid her displeasure and repulsion. He was torn between mother's love and father's approval. After all these years, it still took a toll on him. Chuck dropped the paper on the table loudly and left the room.

* * *

Blair breezed through her shift at the hotel with radiance and smile on her face. Not even rude customers could put her off, not even head waiter John could tear down her good mood. She saw the hotel in new light. Something about today changed everything. Hotel was beautiful, the staff was amazing, even the view at the ocean was captivating. She found herself longingly looking at the blue vastness, touching her lips at the remembrance of this morning.

They could barely be parted. He wouldn't let her go. She kissed Chuck once more before running off to class. After the classes, she ran off to hotel and now she was cooking dinner at home. Life was complicated, but utterly worth of it.

Only, sometimes it wasn't. Old fears clawed at her insides. She'd grip her chest at the overwhelming panic and fright. Dad started working as night taxi driver. Even with his daily job as concierge, this was too much. New York was not safe, mother kept nagging him to quit it before any trouble found them. Bob was stubborn. He was intent on repaying the debt Dan loaded them with. Dan... Dan would disappear in morning before she woke up and come home late at night. Sometimes he would even come drunk. She'd find pieces of papers with his scribbled poems. They were filled with pain, with rejection. She didn't dare read them again.

And all those lies. All those lies she uttered to Chuck. They were the biggest demon in her body. How is she ever going to get out of that mud she created? It was like a quicksand. The deeper she fell in love with him, the deeper she fell into her doom.

She heard door being opened and mother's footsteps hurrying insides. ''Good day'' Blair chirped, tired but happy.

''You'' Jane came into view, her hair disheveled as if she's been running, her face consorted into angry grimace. ''What did you do?''

Blair stiffened at the voice so feral she never heard it coming from her own mother. Jane took heavy steps, breathing heavily. She raised her arms and her palm landed on Blair's cheek. ''What did you do? Do you hear me?!''

Another slap. Blair lifted her arms in defense, mother's slaps not as harmful as pain her voice, the anger, the tears she was obviously holding. ''Why did you put on that dress? Did you think you were something special?''

Blair finally pushed mom's hands away and she looked her straight in the eyes. ''Stop it! What did I do?!''

Jane's eyes were red and furious, her mouth pressed together so hard they went white. ''Why do I take care of you so much? Why?! Damn you! I defended you from dad and Dan! Why!?''

''Why , why why? So you can take the bad path? No!'' Another wave of slaps came, but Blair didn't feel them. Panic in her chest numbed her, she still held arms above her head but everything else was limp. What did mother know? She's always been there for her and obviously something happened that changed everything. Mother was severely against beatings, hating even to spank a child. Today, for some reason, she went against everything. ''I wanted you to educate yourself! I wanted you to become a proper woman! You think you'll mature that way? You'll think you'll become something?''

Mother's voice thundered across the small flat, her face flushed, her eyes glazed with tears. ''By being a whore?!''

''What did I do?'' Blair whispered, her voice hoarse. She wasn't scared of mother's fury, she was scared of disappointing her. She was scared of mother never talking to her again.

''You even dare ask'' Jane bellowed, her voice cracking at the end. She grabbed Blair's shoulders and shook them violently. ''You lied to me! You said you were going to Georgina and where did you go? Who did you sleep with, you stupid stupid child! Where were you and with whom?!''

''I didn't do anything'' Blair's voice now full on trembling. ''Really!'' Did mom know about that fiasco in Tropic? How did she know? How? How?

''I don't trust you'' Jane's words were like a blade in her heart. Mother didn't trust her. Jane grabbed her elbow and forced her into her bedroom, slamming doors behind. Blair was pushed on the bed and Jane started to force her clothes off her, starting with her jacket. ''I'll check you out from head to toe!''

Blair tried to fight mom's hands off ''Let me go! I didn't sleep with anyone!''

Jane paused, looking at her daughter with wide eyes. Mother's voice was dropped in a whisper, her eyes flashing lightnings. ''You think you'll get out of the house that way? Walking out in an expensive dress? Is that the way to become a woman?''

Blair covered her chest, shivering in tank top. There was something in the words that got through to her, something that made her guts sick, something that made her mind spin.

''You can only become their toy'' she continued, leaning her face towards her. ''When you're not wanted anymore, they'll kick you away like a dirty rag. You'll be trash! Trash!''

Blair shook violently, as if the words were whiplash against her flesh. She clenched her fists and snatched the jacket out of mother's grasp. She couldn't bear to listen to this anymore. She willed herself to think about Chuck and the way he made her feel, like she was the only girl in the world. That was real. This wasn't. ''Enough, mom. Enough!''

There was a sound of door slamming and footsteps across the kitchen. ''Blair?'' Dan said, his voice annoyed. ''What's up? What's the ruckus about?''

Jane straightened out her hair and her whole face changed. Her skin wasn't so flushed anymore, her eyes were once again bright, but not warm. She gave Blair her jacket back and cleared her throat. She forced her voice to be cheery. ''Dan, you came!''

In the bedroom walked in Dan, looking at them with suspicious look. ''What are you yelling at mom for?''

Blair looked him straight in the eyes, zipping up her jacket and warming up her hands. ''Oh, she's not'' gently said Jane, avoiding looking at her daughter. ''I lost her notebook. She needs it and I was stupid enough to throw in into trash.''

Next morning, they were all having early breakfast. Dan was already gone, dad took off to work. Blair was left with Jane. Mother kept avoiding her eyes, her face frozen in a frown.

''Mom'' she called, intercepting her in the kitchen. ''Mom, let's talk about it.''

Blair couldn't sleep last night. Mother has never been so angry with her. Blair was always her precious, her beauty and now she realized her betrayal. It was something Blair wouldn't like to go through again. She decided to fix it as soon as possible.

Jane got up from the table and started collecting dishes. She was quiet for several moments. ''I've taught you nothing. _Nothing_. You misunderstood everything.''

Her face flashed again with disappointment and Blair's heart constricted. She bit her lip until she tasted blood in her mouth. ''Mom, that night... I went to a party my college colleagues hosted. I wanted to show them I can look like them... But I realized that I couldn't.''

She knew the only way back to her mother's grace was if she opened up her heart. Jane only wanted honesty, nothing else. And now, Blair would give her as much honesty as she was capable to take.

''That night when you said you'll be at Georgina's? Where did you sleep?''

''At this girl's place... She's my colleague. But I swear I didn't do what you think I did. I didn't do anything bad.''

Jane nodded, her face softening. She believed her daughter. ''And those flowers... Were they given to you by that boy from the hospital? That prince whose pictures Georgina keeps looking at?''

Blair's eyes widened. She stood shocked and amazed how cunning her mother was. What else did she now about? ''How do you know all of this?''

''Mothers know even when their children are quiet'' Jane whispered. She cocked her head, sighing heavily. '' Listen, pumpkin.''

Blair's heart melted at the nickname her mother used for her. It was a sign she forgave her. At least partly.

''I'm not forbidding you to be in love. It's not that I don't want you to be happy. But don't let it get to your head. Don't forget who you are and where you come from. ''

At that moment, father came because he forgot his glasses. Blair sighed in relief as mother hugged her and she went to dress herself for classes. She dressed herself with care and hurry. Mother just gave her permission. She said she wanted her to be in love and Blair embraced it whole heartedly. She wanted to see Chuck today, but she did wonder who'd make the first step? Is she supposed to kiss him if she saw him? Peck him? Hug him? High five him? Butterflies in her stomach fluttered with all might as she remembered yesterday's kiss.

15 minutes later, Blair went out of the building and up the street towards bus stop. As she rounded the corner, she spotted a limo. Her heart sped up. Was it Chuck? Well, it was New York and this was Upper East Side. There were hundreds of limos, she concluded with a frown. As she passed it with high head, window rolled down and Chuck's handsome face peered at her.

''Need a ride?'' he asked, his voice husky.

Her whole body filled with love and excitement at the sight of him. He was waiting for her. It was as if she wasn't herself with him, as if some other Blair took over when he looked at her. She realized she felt more like that other Blair that her old self. Blair nodded and driver came, opening the doors for her. Chuck moved to make place for her and she slid in, smelling the leather and his aftershave. From today, she decided it was her favorite smell. He smirked at her ''I wouldn't have caught you if you hailed a cab. You have no choice again.''

She shrugged her shoulders, the sound of partition rising sending shivers down her spine. ''I'm used to it.''

She bit her lip and he noticed it, his eyes flashing with that hunger she so easily recognized. Blair tried to keep her distance from him, but it was impossible. She couldn't find a reason why should she. There was a current between them, drawing them together. They couldn't resist it.

''Good'' he whispered and leaned in to kiss her. ''Sadly, you disappeared on me after classes yesterday. I've been waiting all day to do this. '' She opened up her mouth and their lips met in at first shy, then passionate kiss. It was hard to resist his thirsty kisses. She found herself drunk on them, being able to do anything for just one more. The ride to school was best and shortest ride Blair ever experienced. The limo stopped and she found herself straddling his lap, her arms around his neck, his lips on her neck.

''That's it'' he said breathlessly, fixing the blue bow on his neck. ''We're riding to school together every day. Even on the weekends.''

Blair chuckled under her breath and sat back on the seat, smoothing down her skirt. She never felt this attracted to anyone. Nobody in her life managed to spin her mind like he did. ''Give me a minute'' she cleared her throat and pulled out a compact mirror. She never felt so good in her life. There was something about Chuck that kept drawing her to him. She found herself wanting more of him, she found herself wanting all of him. Mother's words were already forgotten, her whole life before him erased and drowned in sea of oblivion.

''You look perfect'' he assured her, giving her knee a squeeze.

That one touch was enough to spark everything again. Their eyes met, hunger mirroring each other.

''We'll be late to class'' she warned, gathering all of her strength to look away from him. Her eyes landed on the mirror and she was astounded to find herself looking so... alive. Blair smoothed down her hair and fixed her lipstick. Chuck opened the limo doors for her and she took his outstretched palm.

She looked at the building swarming with students, a nervous feeling in her chest. This was it, the day everyone will know they are together. Just another round of whispers and stares, of gossip and lies. Chuck squeezed her hand and she looked up at him. All of a sudden, it all seemed so trivial. Everything beside him faded and she found herself taking the first step. Hand in hand, they walked towards the Constance Uni.

* * *

**A/N: **Some of you have said how they'd like Chuck to find out about Serena drugging Blair (before they kissed). But I wanted Chair to become one without that happening (Yet?), because this way they put aside all pride, faults and lies for each other. This way, they gave up everything for one kiss, despite the chaos that surrounds them.

We get a glimpse of Chuck's personal family life which is story for itself. I wanted Chuck to have a mother and a sensitive side to him before meeting Blair. Yes, we all love a bad boy, but a bad boy with soft side is even better! Serena, Nate , _**Penelope**_.. a LOT had happened in this chapter. A lot of clarifications and some of the lies are slowly being revealed... Plus, first day in uni as Chair is something that's bound to get a lot of reactions and make a mess in daily lives of TFB. Let me know what you think in review. x


	16. Going Deep

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Going Deep**

_Don't let go of my hand, now the darkness has gone  
And this will be our year, took a long time to come_

Nate spent hours last night looking for that stupid ridiculous usb. Every cover of his flat was uncovered, every nook searched, ever inch of floor inspected. Lita, the maid, stayed after her shift to help him - with no luck. After heavy search party, they ate Doritos in silence as they contemplated where else to look. After an hour of another aimless rummaging, she said she was tired and late to Buffy The Vampire Slayer reruns. Nate crashed down on his bed in exhaustion and stayed there, wide awake, for some time. He was going through his day, trying to remember where he put the little technological jinx.

Let's see... He went to class, then he came back home with Penelope, she insisted on him wearing his tie - naked, they had sex, he showered, Serena showed up, he took the usb out of hiding, he had some tacos, played a game of Call of Duty -

''Wait'' he murmured, getting up abruptly. ''Serena.''

She caved in too quickly to his request to leave. She left the apartment faster than she came. It didn't strike him that her face looked too innocent, her voice too nervous - until now. He fiddled around bedsheets for his phone. Finding it, he quickly dialed her number. It rang few times before she rejected it. Nate tried to call her again in few minutes. Another rejection.

Groaning in frustration, he repeated the process several times. It had the same irritating outcome. As a confirmation of his doubts, she ignored dozen of his phone calls.

Nate didn't even bother to shave next morning. As soon as he brushed his teeth, he drove off to Constance Uni. He shouldered through students, majority of them blanching at his early arrival. Nathanial Archibald was far from model student. He liked to blend in his mediocre averageness. Therefore, he took his time getting to class, putting high priority on food and coffee during breaks and believing cheating for test was just as hard as studying for it.

He finally reached table where Serena and Paige were engaged in conversation full of laughter. He heard them talking about Serena's birthday, which was this Friday, and for a moment he felt bad for interrupting. She still didn't have plans, but didn't seem much perturbed by the fact. Usually, she'd have it all arranged a month beforehand. Did she find out about the gift he bought her? Hum of excitement passed through his body at the thought of it.

Quickly after that, yesterday 's scenario flashed across his mind and annoyance of her theft outweighed everything.

Shaking his head, he strode to the duo with determined steps. ''Serena'' he willed his voice to sound threatening, often like the one Chuck would use during blackmails. ''Can we talk? In private?''

Paige scoffed at the fact that he completely ignored her. ''Good morning to you too'' she chided with sarcasm.

Nate flashed a sidelong glance to the little redhead. ''Good morning.''

Serena's smile faltered but slightly. Leaning conspiratorially to her girl friend, she whispered with a wink ''He can be cranky when he wakes up. I'll be back as soon as I cheer him up.''

She stood up, her blond mane waving wildly behind her as she moved, and he half-dazedly followed her. Serena found an empty classroom and got in, closing the doors behind them. Nate cornered her between the wall immediately, wasting no time. ''Give it back.''

Serena looked at his outstretched hand, her eyes too wide, her smile too beaming. ''Give back what, Natie?''

She was playing with him. Serena pulled few dollar bills from her back pocket and shoved them in his hands. The contact of their skin put her off for a second, but she shook it off - placing that mocking smile back on the face. ''Money for coffee from that one time? There you go.''

Nate gulped down his frustration at her easily smile. She thought all of this was a joke. He clenched the bills in hand and pushed them back in her front pocket, relishing at the same time in the feeling of her thighs. ''How did you take that usb? It was in front of my eyes all the time.''

''Please'' she laughed, a small rosy hue on her cheeks. He wondered what made her feel so uncomfortable all of a sudden. ''If I discovered my magic tricks, there wouldn't be any more surprises.'' With a cheeky smile, she winked and stalked off. Whole blasé attitude didn't seem genuine. Nate let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. This game seemed more dangerous by day, and he seemed to be the one losing.

* * *

Morning sky was juggling between murky gray and watery white. In contrast, the usually green yard of Constance uni was covered in orange and yellow piles. The leaves scattered over the lawn in colorful small heaps, not yet dry enough to crunch beneath the hurried steps of students. Janitor tried to keep them neat and away, but with little luck. Every once in a while, a chilling gust of wind would sweep by and undo all his work. He'd sigh in defeat and go get a rake.

Pumpkin spice latte was drink of the month and sweater was a must part of the outfit. The coldness in air was comforting and refreshing, a promise of winter wonderland that summer could never offer. Blair tightened Georgina's old Burberry scarf around her neck, burying her nose in it to keep from cold.

Chuck fixed eyes on his girlfriend. His _girlfriend_. He had a girlfriend. There was actually a human being on this planet, so utterly different from him yet ready to take him with his flaws and vices, ready to trust him. She was frowning, lost deep in thought. It was their first day an he was aware the pressure he put on her. Unlike him, she was secretive, a mysterious air about her - and that's what he loved so. She put a distance to everyone and everything, keeping the world at arm's length. But here he was, letting her tiny body press into his - unconsciously seeking his warmth.

''Blair'' he lightly nudged her out of stupor, wanting to know what she was thinking. Chuck slowly took her fingers, surprised at how cold they were. He gently squeezed them together, putting them in his own warm pockets. Blair's breath hitched at this casual movement, as if it was something they always did, as if it was something as natural as 'Hello'. She pulled her hand away immediately, displaying a poor bravado.

''This is a bad idea'' she blurted out all of a sudden, tip of her nose red with cold. She retread few steps, wanting to put some distance between them. Chuck stared down at her, his eyes narrowing at the realization of her words.

''Are you-'' he whispered in disbelief, his face turning to grimace. The words were hard to chew and spit out, there seemed to be acid feeling in his mouth as he tried to utter them. He cleared his throat, not wanting to get ahead of himself. ''What are you saying?''

''We didn't think this through'' she urged, snapping her eyes up to look into his haunted face. She shifted her foot and sighed, as if mentally preparing herself for some heavy manual task. ''I just think it's maybe wise to keep... this thing a secret.'' She fumbled with belt of her coat, avoiding his eyes. They only just arrived at Constance and everyone already gaped at them, making crude remarks. She hated being in spotlight. She hated having her secrets on the brink of exposure. Today, she placed herself a target on her back and it seemed to be open hunting season.

''This _thing_'' he drawled sarcastically, taking a firm step towards her, ''Is called a relationship.'' He reached out again and pulled her palms into his. He brought them to his mouth and breathed on them, trying to warm them up. She felt herself melting away, her faux bravado falling into pieces at his feet. ''I thought you were fine with this. I thought we talked this through in the limo.''

''What we did can be barely called _talking_'' Blair rolled her eyes, comforted by his touch despite everything. Little doubts and fears seemed to dissipate in his presence. She leaned into him, the smell of his cologne sparkling her desire.

He leaned down his head and kissed the cool tip of her nose, relishing in her petite frame. ''It's too late now, anyway. You're eternally damned and stuck with me.'' Chuck smirked and nodded towards the table where the strangest assemble of their fellow students was gathered. On the table were regular TFB members; Serena, Paige, Nate. With them sat - Penelope. Penelope, who openly declared her disgust at the latter group. Penelope, who kept dissuading Blair from being friends with Serena or any of them. Nate looked red, Serena looked pale. They quietly talked among each other, none of them smiling or laughing. Soon, Paige angrily rose from the table and stalked away. She paused in midway, her eyes bulging at the sight of Chuck and Blair, and their linked hands.

The rest of the group followed her gaze, one by one staring at them. There was no turning back now. Everyone knew. Penelope smiled widely and waived her hands at the couple, as if they've been friends forever.

Blair's lips involuntarily turned to snarl. She couldn't stand this Prada-wearing traitor. She still didn't forgive her and just the sight of her made her sick. ''What the hell is going on? What's wrong with them?'' Blair huffed,feeling absolutely irritated not just by the appearance of Penelope, but by the way everyone just went along her sitting with them. TFB were close with Chuck, that meant Blair would be getting closer to them, which meant she would in no way want to get close to Penelope. The ecstasy on her face made Blair want to punch her in that Roman nose. Paige left and after few moments, Serena rose to go after her. ''Since when is Penelope part of TFB?''

''Part of _what_?'' Chuck asked with raised eyebrows, turning around towards her.

Still irritated, Blair crossed her arms. ''Trust fu-'' she stopped herself in last minute, her mouth frozen on the letter u.

_Oh, right_. They all though Blair was one of them too. They all considered her equal, if not richer than them. She cleared her throat awkwardly. ''Nothing'' she exhaled, leaning closer to his body to distract him. She put her head on his chest, surprised to hear his heart pick up the pace. ''But what am I supposed to do? Everyone is so-''

Chuck put his broad hands on her shoulders and moved back slightly to look her in the eyes. ''I don't care about them'' he elaborated, his eyes fixed on hers. It was as if he tried to convey some other message that was unfamiliar to his mouth, something that could be only said by look. She blinked few times, feeling intoxicated by his presence. ''I want to take you somewhere special after class today.''

His eyes were full of wonder and life, full of hope and excitement. She almost nodded, almost gotten carried away. It was so easy to get carried away with him. She almost jumped into his arms and screamed 'Yes.' But reality hit her hard in chest, reminding her of who she was. She was Blair and she had to make the hotel shift after class. That Blair didn't have time for dates. That Blair was forbidden to date.

''I can't'' she whispered, stepping away from him, feeling guilt spread over her body. Her body ached with coldness, every nerve painfully aware of the absence of his heat. She had to lie, there was no other choice. ''I have some relatives staying over. It's not very nice if I'm late.''

Chuck's eyebrows knotted. He nodded and took her hand in his, warmth spreading through her limbs again. ''Fine, we'll do something tomorrow then.''

She nodded eagerly back, wanting to please him and knowing she'd have a whole hour for themselves before she had to go to work.

* * *

''You took it'' he stated, not needing to accuse. The crime was as clear as day. Nate leaned back on his chair, not even happiness of his best friend managing to distract him from this very important train of thought that led to the following conclusion. Small part of him was impressed at the way she tricked him. ''You came to my house. You took the usb and gave it to Serena.''

Penelope raised her eyebrow in defiance, not bothering to deny the fact. Small part of her was impressed that he figured it out, all by himself.

''You did it for _this_?'' he mocked, his laugh without humor. ''So you can sit with us at the table?''

Penelope's smile faltered for a moment. The way he put it... He made it sound shallow and trivial. But this was war that she waged for ages. A war that she finally managed to win against the TFB. She rose slowly and grabbed her bag. ''What's wrong, Nate? Do you feel _used_?''

She threw him a glare and stormed off to find Serena. He had been using her for sex for months, when all she wanted was little attention and love. Maybe if her name was Serena Van Der Woodsen, maybe he'd be more willing to give it to her. After wandering on campus for a while, she finally caught a sight of messy blond hair. Serena and Paige were strolling through Constance lobby, engaged in whispering, probably discussing new power couple; Blair and Chuck.

''Hey, girls'' Penelope called out, hurrying towards them. They saw her, yet they didn't pause. Paige openly rolled her eyes as she came to join them. ''What are we doing for lunch? Salad at Green Garden?''

''Penelope, right?'' Paige drawled, managing to look down on her, even though P was taller for a foot. She cocked her head, her voice dripping patronizingly ''Let me ask you something. Since when are we friends?''

Penelope laughed awkwardly, thinking of putting her hand on Paige's forearm, but deciding against it. ''Serena and I took care of that. She will explain.''

''I don't understand'' Serena replied, feigning ignorance with her wide eyes. ''Look, I don't want to ruin your dreams, but this is getting too much. It's annoying.''

With a last seething look, she nodded to her friend and they turned around in sync.

''Serena'' Penelope called out with desperate voice. She crackled her knuckles, feeling the gates of the _it_ group slowly close in front of her face. All the promises of blooming social life were beginning to fade from her grasp. The bliss of the acceptance was slipping away. ''Can we talk?''

''What does this person want?'' Paige groaned in frustration.

''I'll go find out'' Serena whispered, her eyes full of worry. ''This girl clearly has issues. I feel sorry for her.''

''We had a deal'' Penelope demanded after Paige left, breathing heavily. The scheme was moments away from blowing up in her face and she was willing to do anything to stop it. She didn't want to be rude to Serena, she just couldn't be. There was an important, almost celestial air about her - something that required admiration and fear. Very similar to one that Blair sometimes had. ''I gave you the usb and you promised me something in return, remember?''

''Yes...'' the blonde confirmed, pausing in thought. ''You did give it to me. I saw the movie and I didn't like it. I _accidentally_ hammered it and threw it away. No usb, no deal.''

Serena was telling the truth. She crushed the little object with delight and joy. There was nothing standing in between her friendship with Chuck. Except maybe this newfound relationship Blair. But knowing Chuck, she was aware of the fact it's not going to last. He got bored easily. Serena flashed her a small pitiful smile and turned around to go.

''It's not so easy'' Penelope fired back, stopping her in her tracks. ''What was on it? Something that had to do with Blair? Maybe she'll know? I'll go talk to her.''

''Go on'' Serena nodded her head encouragingly, switching her purse to other shoulder. ''And while you're at it, don't forget to mention you betrayed her just to get accepted into our little society. Game over, Penelope. Go home.''

Penelope gasped, as her humiliation settled on the tender skin. She watched Serena walk away, taking with her all she thought she gained by sacrificing Nate. Now, she was truly alone. She pushed Blair away, played Nate and the _it_ group never actually wanted her. She had been defeated by her own devices.

* * *

**Tomorrow**

''Wow'' Blair breathed out, not able to contain the amazement and wonder that reflected in her eyes. ''You have amazing view. All the nature, the greenery...''

''You don't really notice it when you have it right under your nose'' replied Serena, throwing her bordeaux Birkin carelessly on the plush sofa. Today, she dragged them all to her place for lunch. She said it was celebration lunch, in honor of their new relationship. Blair never heard of anything so ridiculous. Nate's happiness at their news seemed most genuine. Everyone else's smile was forced, their eyes expressing some completely other emotion, much more foul. Classes seemed to last twice as long when she had to meet Chuck for break. When she finally did meet him, all the whispers and stares blurred in the background, her lips eagerly seeking the softness of his own.

''Right?'' Nate quipped, throwing himself casually on her couch. He propped his feet up and threw Serena a sidelong glance. ''People always appreciate the stuff they can't have.''

Heavy silence settled upon them. Blair eyed the luxurious mansion, feeling envy slowly bubble within her chest. The Van Der Woodsen three story town house was full of windows that overlooked park outside. The rooms were flooded in light and warm, homely, but modern decor. Blair loved it. Oh, how she yearned for safety of wealth and prestige. Deep down, she knew it was what would satisfy her, what would open up opportunities, something that would give her wings to soar through world.

She felt irritated that Serena unashamedly stole this little time she could spare today. Blond girl didn't give them time to refuse, she didn't give them time to talk it over. Instead, she found herself in her limo, ushered to this money breeding nest. Blair only had an hour before she had to go and do her shift at the hotel. She wished she had more time to spend with Chuck, it didn't seem fair to him. Tomorrow, she would have to go straight from classes to Millennium hotel. Headwaiter John required she be there early. It was Friday and work got busy. Blair remembered tomorrow was also Diana's marriage anniversary. They spent it at their hotel almost every year.

The silence was interrupted by heavy footsteps of Van Der Woodsen's chef. He bowed respectfully and exchanged few whispered words with Serena. Blair paced around the living room, admiring the environment and examining decorations. A digital frame caught her attention and she found herself picking it up carefully. Pictures rolled one by one in a sideshow of memories. There was a picture of Serena hugging and older version of herself, but much more elegant, their smiles almost the same.

''You and your mother look very much a like'' she noted as the blond approached her.

''We do'' she confirmed, her eyes misty with thought. ''But I'm much more like my dad. I only have few pictures with him, though. Back while I was still a child.''

''I'm so sorry'' Blair murmured, feeling compassion swell in her chest. She didn't want to prob any further, feeling she's trespassing private area. Blair realized she didn't know anything about Serena or her personal life. She began to regard her in whole different light. Here she was, her mother almost always away and her father decidedly absent. Her eyes reverted back to the frame and there was picture of very young Serena in plaid private school uniform, blowing raspberry at Nate. Then there was a picture of Chuck, probably around the age of sixteen, looking very brooding with silly party hat on his head, leaning off the railing with New York skyline in the background. She lifted up her eyes to find him staring at her.

Her heart throbbed painfully, wishing she knew him back then in those days.

''I wasn't aware you knew each other so well'' Blair said, feeling like an intruder. She saw a picture of all three of them, dipping their feet in turquoise sea on some beach. They must have been around twelve years old. The sky was clear blue, the sand looked hot under their naked skin. Their white teeth were prominent against the tanned skin, arms flung around each other's shoulders. She bit her lip, looking away from them. She thought they met in Constance Uni, but it was clear they've been familiar for years, decades even. And here she was, gliding into their prestigious lives, wearing somebody else's feathers.

''We move in the same circles. That's why we've known each other for forever'' Serena shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing on Earth. Chef came and put plates of sushi on the table in the living room together with wassabi, soy sauce and chopsticks. Serena strode over Persian rug to inspect the food. Once satisfied, she motion with her hands for them to sit.

''_High society_'' Nate mocked, putting invisible quotes with his fingers. They planted themselves on the couch and Chuck nudged Blair to try tuna roll.

''Don't mind his jokes'' Serena playfully slapped Nate's knee. ''High society is important. It's not what magazines make it out to be; parties, events, invitations... It's much more than that. Common values and views on life.''

Chuck put some salmon into his mouth and leaned back on the couch, snaking his arm around Blair's waist. She felt her insides trembling from his touch, his warmth evoking fireworks throughout her nervous system.''I agree with Serena'' his lazy response came. ''There are class differences all over the world. You can't deny that.''

Class differences? Blair immediately moved out of his arms, putting some distance between them. He spoke like everyone _wanted_ class differences. Like it was something that couldn't be helped, something that benefited everyone -instead of privileged few. She felt the invisible wall between them pushing her out of that safe wonderland slowly, but surely. ''Class differences?'' she repeated, stunned with the careless way he was expressing his decided opinion.

''We all have identity'' he explained, trying to take her hand, but she feigned taking a sip of tea to avoid it. ''We belong to similar places. We enjoy the same luxury. Our families and lifestyle isn't that much different. Isn't that right?''

She nodded absentmindedly, feeling the grief and rage slowly boil. He thought he was including her in the picture of high society, but Chuck was dead wrong. So he was one of those that admitted it was private club and fought to make it stay like that. What difference was between them and her, except few zeros on bank account? None. They were made out of same flesh and bones. What separated her from them? The view on life? Just a bunch of rich people making each other richer. ''I'm gonna go'' she suddenly rose, grabbing her jacket. She definitely felt like an intruder, she wanted to jump out of her own skin. Chuck stiffened, looking at her warily.

''Has it been an hour already?''

''The traffic's a state'' she lied, not bearing the sight of any of them. She needed to get away from them, she needed to get away from their rough, oligarchical attitudes. No matter how much she pretended to be one of them, it could never be. She didn't live in a 5 bedroom flat, she didn't have a private chef or maid, she didn't have a gym in her apartment. Even riding a cab was a luxury to her.

''I'll drop you off'' Chuck rose, putting hand on her elbow.

She fought the instinct that wanted to lean into him further, she fought the urge to melt at his touch. Blair let him lead her to the lobby before she pulled away, rejecting the offer. ''No, thanks. I'll hail a cab.''

''Is everything okay?'' he asked with hushed voice, narrowing his eyes in concern. Blair nodded, not wanting to mull over this any longer. At that moment came Serena, her left eyebrow raised.

''Blair, are you still coming tomorrow? For my birthday?''

Blair sighed, completely forgetting about it. ''I don't think I can.''

''We'll be here at _home_'' she explained, implying she knew well how restrictive her parents could be. Chuck frowned at the answer, leaning back on the wall with his arms crossed. ''I don't feel like going to Tropic. It's nothing special, just us. And Paige. You can come after class.''

''I can't'' she repeated, another lie dripping off her lips. She really did want to go, but couldn't. Because of a) she couldn't afford any possible suitable gift for Manhattan princess, and b) she couldn't get out of the shift at the hotel. ''I have some guests staying over. I have to be with them.''

Serena narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but otherwise didn't seem much too perturbed by the rejection. She shrugged it off and went back in the living room to join Nate. Chuck brushed a stray hair behind her ear, his touch making Blair's knees buckle. ''I'll miss you tomorrow'' he whispered, looking her straight in the eyes. ''Meet me after class.''

She nodded weakly, completely forgetting she had to go straight to the hotel later on.

* * *

It was almost midnight. They had classes next morning, yet it didn't stop them from drinking the whole bottle of Bart's good scotch. Chuck was sporting a smile, the sensation so unfamiliar to his face that both of his cheeks hurt. He was texting Blair, a habit they seemed to embrace overtime, saying good night every day before they went to sleep. He liked that they did things together that didn't involve anyone else. Like this texting, the ride he would give her every day to school and... Well, that was it, he thought, cloud settling over his brow. After all, it was only couple of them, but they had only began dating.

''What a girl'' observed Nate wistfully, pressing his lips on the corner of the glass. He watched as his smile defied the time and cramps, plastered on Chuck's face for hours. ''She spun your head in just few days.''

''You're next'' pointed his best friend, turning off his phone and picking up his glass. He took a sip of scotch, the amber liquid pleasantly burning down his throat.

''Me?'' Nate asked somberly, his green eyes cast down. He remembered Serena's bright eyes, her wild blonde hair. The evil eye she'd always give him, the longing look she always bestowed on their mutual best friend. He was crazy about her, yet she didn't care. ''Hardly.''

''It wasn't easy for me either'' Chuck patted his shoulder in comforting way. ''For the first time in my life, I had to make an effort. ''

''You had to make an effort?'' he couldn't stop the bitterness in his voice. What Nate did for Serena, he could never call that _an effort_. Being there for her, indulging her every whim, protecting her, keeping her secrets - he did it with delight. It also came with a price; with many solitary days, many depressing thoughts... But one smile from her was worth of everything.

''You come to the point when you feel like you don't need to chase anyone. You think you saw it all with women. I mean, I did, at least. '' Chuck stopped, drawing in his breath. His eyes seemed lost in thought, not even noticing the way Nate's gaze wandered in the distance, the look on his face broken. ''And then, that one girl comes and knocks down everyone else. And she's all that matters. That's how I feel with Blair.''

''You're a lucky guy'' Nate whispered, downing his drink in one motion. There was something hard pressing on his chest, forbidding him to breathe. He replayed all the times Serena made him happy and all the times she made him devastated. He remembered her smile that could compete with brightest sunshine, he remembered the way she'd call him _Natie_. Just the contact of their skin would daze his mind, leaving him to swim in the affection he felt for her. He was her self-declared knight, her renegade. The secret he thought he could hide clawed at his insides, demanding to be released. He wasn't even aware of the words coming out of his mouth. It was as if some higher force pushed them out and the planets were finally aligned in his heart. ''I'm in love with Serena.''

* * *

**A/N: **Thereeee you gooo, lots of Serenate, I can't forget that part of the fandom which I fully love and support. But honestly, how cute is this chapter?

5k words! I know! I just couldn't stop writing! This chapter is all relatively drama free, which only means one thing... We're hitting the shitstorm in the next one. Big one. Let me know if you think what I'm thinking in review.

I **always** read and reply to reviews, except that one time 2 chapters ago when I was loaded with work, ugh (sorry, v ashamed). Remember, more reviews, quicker updates! Lots of love x


	17. Chasing Pavements

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Chasing Pavements**

_Monsters are real, and ghost are too. They live inside of us _

_and sometimes they win._

Blair was overrun with classes and assignments. It was Friday with an atmosphere and pressure of a Monday. Curriculum was getting more vigorous with each week. That only meant more parties and_ tea parties_ held by TFB. Chuck picked her up in the morning as usual and she spent the whole ride finishing up notes on extra credit task. She only had time to plant him swift peck on the cheek before dashing off to class. Her break was spent bickering with half the team with whom she worked on an Economic project. The other half was too busy texting, nail polishing or watching funny Youtube videos.

Final class wrapped up at last, but professor Jones decided to pull Blair up on the side. She shifted her foot restlessly as he commented her latest assignment. The classroom emptied out in a minute. All praise came up deaf to her ears, she was too busy stressing if she'd make the bus to hotel. Blair had to do long shift today, headwaiter John was clear on criticality of being punctual.

Professor Jones finally released her out of the grasp and she bolted out the doors waving goodbye, and nearly knocked right into Serena.

''Woah'' blond gripped her shoulders for support. ''What's the rush?''

''Sorry'' Blair said, crouching down to pick up her fallen purse. ''I have to run.''

''You're not gonna wait for Chuck?'' Serena asked with raised eyebrows. Chuck and Blair always left the campus together, even if they were headed to opposite directions. ''He's talking to Professor Martha. Should be here soon.''

''I'll call him later'' she brushed off the question, already feeling guilty for juggling two completely different lives at once.

''Are you going home?''

''Um, yeah. I- I'll see you later.'' Blair hesitated for a split second and it was all it took for Serena's expert nose to sniff a secret. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. ''Happy birthday, Serena.''

With that, she dashed off. Serena followed the petite brunette with her green orbs, wheels in her mind spinning at maximum speed. She felt a tingle in her lower back and after a moment, warm breath on her neck.

''That Martha is really scrubbing Chuck'' Nate explained, peculiar look on his face. Serena stiffened at his presence, her mind going blank momentarily. She didn't even turn around, but nodded and rocketed away.

''Where you off to?'' he shouted, shocked and disappointed at her sudden departure.

''I have some stuff to do'' she replied with cryptic comment. ''See you tonight at my party!''

* * *

Blair threw her hands in the air with desperation as the bus sped by. She looked at the dust of the wheels they left in wake, feeling irritated and frustrated as the vehicle grew tinier by the distance. She was tired, classes drained her out yet she had to go and flawlessly do the shift at hotel. Another bus wouldn't come in another 20 minutes. By then - she'd be dangerously close to losing her much needed job. Her phone rang.

''Are you finished with classes?'' Chuck's voice said on the other line.

''Yeah, I'm out already.''

''Already?'' He couldn't feign surprise even if he wanted do.

''Listen'' she bit her cheek painfully, trying to distract herself from the pain that seared her chest. She didn't want to lie to him, yet she had to. She'd be done with hotel job soon anyway and they would have more time to spend together. But right now, she was stretching herself as thin as she could. ''My battery is almost drained. I'll call you later. Okay?''

There was a silence on the other line. Finally, after few moments, his voice seemed to come from distance - hushed. ''Okay.''

He hung up.

Frowning, Blair counted the few measly dollar bills she had in tattered wallet. They were tips of previous week that had been safe-kept for an emergency. This was clearly an emergency. Blair raised her arm and hailed a cab. She got in, giving the address of Millennium hotel.

''Follow that cab'' ordered Serena to her chauffeur. As Blair sped through busy and crowded Manhattan streets, she didn't notice the limo tailing the taxi.

Serena followed Blair all the way to Millennium hotel. She eyed the glorious building with a skeptic look. ''You're going _home_?'' she muttered to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. She knew brunette was lying about something and she finally managed to dig out some proof of it. Blair was always mysterious, reserved, closed off. She looked like trouble.

''God forbid if I let you hurt Chuck'' blond whispered, intent on catching Blair in indiscriminating act. She got out of the car and followed her inside, keeping some distance between them. This hotel must be some kind of love nest of hers. It was a luxurious, but clever choice. There were no young people, not anyone they would know. Guests were middle aged, older businessmen and diplomats. Blair's been practically avoiding Chuck ever since they got together. Could it be that she only wanted the glory and fame that the title of Chuck's girlfriend brought? It has happened before. Ignoring Chuck away from campus, but parading around with him in front of whole Constance seemed like a fit scenario for this story.

Instead of going up to rooms, Serena was surprised to see her going straight to hotel restaurant and bar. A private lunch with a secret lover? Blond regarded all the high society people bustling about, searching for a familiar head in the midst of it. After finally losing Blair in crowd, she turned around to go. Defeated, but with enough information to confront the liar.

She almost left the restaurant when an unfamiliar commanding voice rang through room, ''Blair, hurry!''

Serena froze and whipped her head around, blanching at the sight of Blair in hotel staff uniform - black slacks, black tie, white shirt. She even had a name tag. Blair was juggling the tray and paper block. Serena would have laughed, had the person she was hurting been anyone else than Chuck. Hiding in the shadows, she watched the girlfriend of great Chuck Bass scurry from table to table and take orders.

Serena texted everyone change of plans. She decided to book a table in hotel Millennium and spend her birthday party there. With a heavy heart, but light step - Serena got back in limo and drove straight to hairdressers. She needed to look spectacular for tonight's big celebration.

* * *

''Birthday party in hotel?'' Paige droned few hours later, sitting crossed legged in Millennium lobby. Her cocktail dress was filled with sequins, reflecting all the lights of the room like a sprinkle of tiny rainbows. ''How ancient. So five years ago.''

Nate paced the lobby, excitement mutely surging through his veins at the thought of showing his present to Serena. She would love it. After making a drunk slip-up last night with Chuck and letting him in on his secret, Nate felt lighter. That still didn't stop him for calling his best friend early in the morning when he sobered up enough to know what foolish mistake he's done. Chuck was a true friend, he pretended like nothing ever happened. Nate persuaded him to forget he said anything that included word _love_ and _Serena_. ''Let's go inside.''

''Not until Chuck comes'' she declared with firmness in her voice. Her posture was relaxed in little black dress with completely lacy back. Hot pink 6 inch platform heels clashed perfectly with the color of lipstick. Chuck was late, as per usual. But she didn't mind. Tonight, it will all go back to how things used to be. Chuck will once again be her best friend, not someone else's boyfriend. ''We will _all_ celebrate together.''

The wolf himself walked in wearing gray pinstripe suit and lavender shirt underneath, mint bow on his neck. ''Waiting board?'' he asked with raised eyebrows, looking at the group of his friends, all rising as he approached. ''And I'm not even the birthday boy.''

''Serena forgot that little detail'' said Nate rolling his eyes.

Birthday girl flashed them a thousand wattage smile and put her arm under Chuck's. They led the group to restaurant, Nate and Paige trailing behind.

* * *

Blair caught herself staring at the view outside hotel. The sea was as dark as the night, city lights reflecting like stars on the wavy surface. Once again, she closed her eyes and imagined she was one of the guests here - having romantic dinner with Chuck. The soft music of jazz played in the background, candles flickering on the table. Her heart fluttered pleasantly at the handsome image of him, but the spell was soon broken with harsh tone of headwaiter John.

''Blair'' he barked, shaking off the daze. She quickly busied her hands, continuing to arrange glasses on the tray, just what she was doing before drifting off. She was exhausted and couldn't wait to crash into bed once she got home. God knew when that would be. ''You're in charge of the birthday table.''

She nodded and turned around to table that was reserved in last minute. Blair's heart froze and the sight of main players of TFB group. Serena's eyes focused on her, not a hint of surprise in them. ''Blair?!''

Three more heads whipped in her direction at the sound of that name and she could feel her blood turning cold. She didn't want to, but some higher power forced her to meet Chuck's stunned face. She could feel her face going red, her ears growing hot, while his skin completely lost color. Blair imagined if she was naked, she would be less horrified than now.

''Blair?'' he whispered, still reeling in that state of dead shock.

_I am done, _she thought to herself, feeling her hands and whole body start to tremble. This was not happening, this was not happening, this was not happening. She would have to tell everything now. They would find out she was poor and worse - a liar. They could maybe forgive her lack of prestige, but never the lies and the fact that she was fooling them for months. Chuck would never look at her again. She would break his heart. And her own along with it.

Someone brushed her back from behind and she could hear headwaiter John ushering some more guests.

''This is a joke, right?'' Paige asked, her eyes darting back and forth.

''Blair?'' Serena cocked her head, her eyes demanding explanation. ''You... what?''

There was an intense silence as the group waited her answer. She didn't have any. They just found supposedly rich and wealthy Blair waitering tables in a restaurant. What could be possible explanation for that? Just as she considered bolting through the doors, a booming voice interrupted the murmur of the restaurant.

''Darling guests'' said a delicate feminine voice. It was a jazz singer, woman with admirable curves, clad in long red satin dress. White fur enveloped her neck and forearms, luscious platinum blond curls swept on one side of her head. ''This next song is dedicated to owners of the hotel and their wedding anniversary. Congratulations, George and Diana. ''

There was a polite clap and everyone turned to look at Mrs Sparks, Blair's neighbor and patroness. Mr Sparks was sitting opposite of her, but from this angle all people could see was back of his expensive black suit. Blair shook her head, completely forgetting it was their anniversary.

Chuck's eyes widened in recognition at the more delicate part of the couple and he let out a smile laugh. ''Why didn't you tell me?'' he asked, his eyes softening visibly. She didn't know what to say to this. Blair wasn't aware what was he trying to do. Was he trying to embarrass her? It didn't seem like it. He didn't even seem to be mad that she skipped on him today and lied to him. ''Well, give us menus. I don't want you having trouble with your boss.''

Blair could hear the singer chanting beautiful melody in the background, the song accompanied with piano and cello. She didn't seem to be the only one who was confused. The rest of Chuck's friends seemed to be baffled not only with the situation, but his reaction too - most especially Serena.

''I did everything for my dad in his previous club before he sold it - Victor Victrola. I know what's it like.''

''Wait a second...'' Serena quietly whispered, looking around the room in wonder. ''This is your dad's hotel?''

''Look'' Chuck nodded towards Sparks and they all looked at them again. ''This is Blair's parents' anniversary.''

Blair gulped down a lump, feeling her skin stretching so far it was almost translucent. He already saw Diana, she remembered with pain. He saw her calling her from the window and assumed it was her mother. Cursed motherchucker! He smiled at her and she felt such gripping overwhelming fear at the idea of opposing him. Blair would rather drown in lies than break his heart.

''You keep surprising me'' he said softly, the light of chandeliers twinkling in his dark eyes.

Blair nodded, wanting to get away, wanting to look away from his captivating gaze. If she looked at him some more, she was sure she'd turn to pillar of salt. ''I'm going... to them.''

Blair walked to the celebrating couple with heavy steps, tired and still shaken from what just happened.

''You're still here?'' Diana exclaimed, peeking at the Rolex watch on her husband's wrist. Blair completely lost track of time with work. It was so late she was sure she'd never hear the end of it when she got home. Blair was supposed to be at home two hours ago.

''It's busy tonight.''

''What about your parents?'' Her neighbor knew very well how strict and conservative her parents were. Diana seemed to show genuine worry at this information.

''I had to tell them I stayed at college. Late classes.'' Mr Sparks coughed awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable and displeased with lying. Blair felt herself overstaying the welcome. She had to wrap up chit-chat and go back to work. ''Happy anniversary.''

''Thank you, young lady'' Mr Spark's deep chilly voice said. He never called her Blair, simply always _young lady_. ''How's work? Are you used to it?''

She thought about it for a second and her glance flashed back to birthday table. Everyone was watching her with wide eyes. She gulped. ''I'm doing everything not to fail your trust.''

The couple smiled, not genuinely, but politely.

''Congratulations again.'' She went back to the birthday group to take their orders. Serena fidgeted in her chair, clearly uncomfortable.

''Your hotel is very nice.''

''I'm glad you like it'' Blair said coldly, looking down at the blond past her paper block. She wasn't fooled. Serena must have brought them here, she must have somehow discovered Blair worked here. It was last minute reservation, after all. Actually, they booked the table only few minutes after Blair started shift.''I thought you knew about this place since you happen to celebrate here.''

''I didn't. I've heard about it. It turned out well.'' Her green orbs were almost filled with electricity, sending spark everywhere. Blair drew pen out of her pocket, well aware she was lying and covering up failed schemes. ''We finally got to see your family. Your mom is very pretty. When do we get to meet them?''

Blair cleared her throat, very much agitated by the mere thought of them coming up to Sparks. Just because she somehow miraculously got through with these lies didn't mean she would get away with that too. It was impossible, Sparks would laugh off such ridiculous notion - Blair, their daughter?! Concierge's kid pretending to be their daughter?! ''I don't know'' she quipped. ''It's kind of inconvenient now. Plus, I'm working.''

''So what?'' Serena pressed, looking right at Chuck. ''It will take two minutes. We just want to congratulate.''

''I said'' sighed Blair in tamed frustration. ''It's inconvenient. They're having a private dinner.''

''You don't know what it's like to work'' added Chuck wistfully, throwing Serena warning glances. ''Bart didn't like to see a friend with me while working. It's called job discipline. We'll meet them some other time.''

He flashed her a small smile and she could feel roof falling on her head. ''Can I take your order now?'' She poured them wine after that, one of the most expensive bottles they had in store. Serena looked gloomy, even when everyone toasted in her honor. She drained the whole glass in one motion.

Blair could feel Chuck's eyes on her. She bustled around their table as they ate and every time she would leave to take care of other guests, he'd use every chance to keep her close. One time it was refill, other times new napkin, third time minor change in the order. Every time she would pass by and accidentally brush him, her whole world turned upside down.

She came back to their table with new bottle of wine and opened it up. Blair tipped the bottle over to his glass when she felt his hand slowly glide down the side of her thigh. She felt surge of relish overwhelm her body and her eyes lost focus of the glass for a second. Her hand slipped and she spilled wine down his shirt.

''Sorry'' she squealed, lowering her spinning mind down on ground. Blair set the bottle on the table and hastily picked few napkins. ''I ruined your shirt.''

''It's my fault'' Chuck said, but didn't do anything else as she slowly and carefully dabbed his chest. His eyes were fixed on her face and she could feel solid muscles under the layer of clothes. Blair could hear her own heart beating furiously, louder than murmur of all guests combined. She dabbed lower, coming dangerously close to the line where his shirt ended and pants began. His breathing stopped. She unconsciously licked her lips.

All of a sudden, Chuck grabbed her arm and gingerly pulled her away from his body. She couldn't help but to feel disappointed. ''Would it be easier for you if I left?''

She pouted at the thought of him leaving, when all day she craved his nearness, his touch. Chuck shut his eyes and shook his head, pulling her closer on the pretense of taking the napkin from her. She felt her insides melting as their bodies touched. ''It's hard being close to you'' he explained, whispering so only she could hear. ''But watching you as if you're far away.''

''Let's go'' Serena's loud voice interrupted their moment. Nate looked at her worriedly as blonde's eyes darted from one figure to another, as if swimming in their socket.

Blair nodded and went to get a bill. While she was away in the back room taking care of it - Serena rose from the table. She wobbled, obviously drunk, and Nate caught her shoulders to steady her. Once her balance seemed regained, he let her go to fetch their jackets. Turning around, Nate saw she was gone. He swore under his breath. Chuck rose quickly, following the wobbly figure between the tables of the restaurant.

Serena finally stopped in front of Sparks' table, where the couple had quiet meal. ''Bon appetit'' she exclaimed, giggling to herself. Her eyes seemed hazy, but there were once again electrical sparks flashing from them.

''Thanks'' replied Diana, eying the drunk girl curiously. She threw her a small smile, seeming mildly entertained by the debauchery of youngsters today and the way they displayed it - by random congratulations.

Chuck came from behind, apologetic look on his face. ''Good evening'' he said, nodding at Mrs Sparks. ''Happy anniversary.''

Diana's eyes flashed in recognition. That was the boy from Georgina's papers. She laughed in surprise and delight. ''Thank you!''

''It's very nice here'' slurred Serena, leaning heavily on Chuck's shoulder. ''It's my birthday today. We celebrated here.''

''Oh, really?'' said Diana politely, but her eyes were still trained on Chuck.

''Yes'' blond sighed, her mouth agape. ''The staff-''

''The staff is wonderful. Good night.'' Chuck interrupted and steered clearly drunk Serena back to lobby and towards taxi.

''But I have to pay'' whined his friend, flailing her arms around.

''Nate took care of it.''

''Where's my purse?''

''Nate got it'' Paige drawled, completely bored with the whole evening. She nodded to Blair as they left.

She watched them leave. Blair let out a breath she didn't know was holding.

''Blair'' Diana summoned her all of a sudden. ''You can go. It's getting late. I'll talk to John if there's need.''

Blair sighed in relief. She thanked them and went to change her clothes in regular one. As she put on sweater over head, her phone dropped on floor. Picking it up, with horror on her face, she saw 20 missed calls from Dan. Dan never ever called her. Something must have happened. There was only one message.

_Come to hospital immediately. _

_Dan_

* * *

He watched her blond waves spill over Chuck's wine stained suit. Sapphires on her ears shone against dim limo light. Town car came to a stop and Serena stirred, muttering something.

''Are you okay?'' Chuck asked, lightly nudging her shoulder.

''No'' she meekly said, fluttering her green eyes open. For a strange moment, they seemed to focus on Nate as if she'd been sober all along. He held her gaze for a second, unreadable expression on her face. Shaking his head, he opened the doors and coaxed her out. ''Serena, come on.''

Her hair was disheveled, making her look wild and feral. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes once again glazed. Three of them together, just like the old times. With a visible effort, she glued herself away from Chuck and fell into Nate's arms. He gripped her shoulders tightly, not helping but to relish in her personal perfume.

''You can go home'' he said as Chuck went to open doors on the other side. ''I'll stay.''

''Are you sure? I can wait.''

''No need'' Nate assured his best friend. ''I'll tuck her in and hail a cab.''

''Call me if you need anything'' Chuck added before ordering his chauffeur to go home.

The streets of New York were almost empty. Everyone was already out or home - warm and safe. The night was chilly, frost bit the skin. It looked like it was going to snow these days. Serena's heel twisted and her knees buckled. She almost fell, but Nate embraced her waist to prevent it. They were in front of her building, getting fresh air to sober up before going inside. ''It's okay, it's okay.''

She looked up, her green eyes looking at him from under thick set of lashes. Her voice was a mere hush, warm mist coming from her mouth enveloped him in peculiar exotic lull. ''Will you always be with me?''

She smiled sadly, her hands hung around his neck lazily. He still didn't let go of her her. He couldn't. ''Even in the worst of times? While I'm crying? Screaming?''

Nate loosened his grip on her, only so he could brush a stray hair from her eyes. Smile grazed his face and he felt all repressed affection that he's been harboring for her surge forward and take over him. This was it. Nate finally felt like he could say he loved her. ''Serena, I...''

All of a sudden, Serena pushed him away. His eyes widened in shock as he watched her clamp a hand over own mouth. She skittered away and vomited whole dinner in nearby bush. Nate followed her worriedly and held her magnificent blond hair away from her mouth. He sighed tiredly, feeling like chance passed. She was in no condition to hear him blabber now. Serena was too sick. ''Let's get you home.''

* * *

Blair didn't sleep all night. After work, she rushed straight to hospital. Dan wasn't returning her phone calls. When she got there, mother informed her that dad was stabbed while working. He has been taking up night shifts as taxi driver these past few days to repay Dan's debt. Someone mercilessly stabbed him and left him to die. They found him in pool of blood, robbed and alone in cold. Blair was so tired she couldn't cry. She just stared at the white washed walls while Jane continued to roughly explain his state. He lost a lot of blood.

When Dan saw her, he took up his frustrations on her and shouted for all hospital to hear. He demanded what kind of college has late classes and how she'd been ignoring them when they needed her the most. She knew he blamed himself for this. She knew he secretly wished he was never born.

Blair spent all night sitting on cold uncomfortable chair, waiting for news. Her mind swam, filled with half-dreams and visions. Was this her fault after all? Did her lies bring this misfortune upon them? Is this the price to pay to restore imbalance?

Finally in the morning, doctor came and informed them that Bob was stable. They stitched him up and transfered enough blood. He was apparently good to go later in the afternoon, but needed a lot of rest. Mother ushered Blair home to eat something and give bread and milk to residents. Like a zombie, she got up, went home, and ate breakfast. The food refused to stay down. She gagged over porcelain bowl, tears streaming down her face. Not even cold shower could wake her up out of that daze. Her dad... stabbed. Her daddy robbed. On the brink of death. Her phone rang, waking her out of stupor. It was Chuck. She let it ring, not having strength or time to talk to him right now. After ringing died out, she noticed he called last night too, but amidst the havoc - she missed it.

_Do you want to go somewhere today?_

_C x,_

he texted her. She sighed sadly. Today, all she wanted to do was see her father was home safe and well. She was in no condition for company.

_I can't. Dad is sick. Sorry._

_B_

Blair tuned off the phone, took the basket with bread and hauled it up the stairs. Her parents got home in the afternoon, but without Dan. When Blair asked about his whereabouts, everyone avoided the answer. Mom shook her head in warning and dad declared he was tired. He looked pale and shaken, every step hurt his body. There was huge white cloth around his waist - where he was injured. They carefully put him to sleep and later on, Blair crashed on her own bed. She was so exhausted she fall asleep in clothes. Blair was woken up in the morning by the noise in the living room. It was still early, who was up at this hour?

She rose, feeling sticky and sweaty in clothes from yesterday. Before she took a shower and changed, Blair caught her mother dashing out of the apartment. _Where is she going this early?_

Blair followed Jane all the way to the basement. She was carrying something in her hand. As soon as she got closer, Blair saw it was white gauze and alcohol. On the opposite wall was Dan, crouched against the wall. His eyes were puffy as if he just finished crying. There was a gash on his forehead, streak of crimson leaking down the temple.

''Dan'' she shrieked, hurrying up to her brother. He looked terrible. She was worried for him, afraid if some worse wound was hidden somewhere. ''What happened?''

''He picked a fight on the street'' Jane explained with shaky voice. Mom handed her the gauze and rest of aid kit. ''Blair, I'm going upstairs to check on dad. Walk in quietly, I don't want to wake him up. He needs rest.''

Blair nodded absentmindedly. ''Who did you fight with, Dan?'' She put some alcohol on the gauze and started to clean the wound.

Dan hissed at the pain of ethanol. ''I went to see that guy.''

That guy? What guy? Unless... There was only _one_ that guy. Blair paused, her hand starting to tremble. She knew what he would say, but asked nevertheless. ''Went to see who?''

''I went to that modern place, that club. I wanted to talk. But they wouldn't let me.'' His eyes narrowed dangerously and he clenched his fists. ''I was with the son. I was with Chuck Bass.''

* * *

**A/N**: BAM! Cliffhanger, I know, sorry! Hehe

Next chapter: Serena's gift aaaand... **drumroll please**... Something that everyone hinted they'd like to see... Jealous Chuck.

Let me quote a guest that left a review on previous chapter. I asked what do you think would happen next and they said: ''_Oh my, Blair is gonna be a waitress on Serena's birthday and everyone will found out that she's been lying - including Chuck? I don't know, maybe I'm just** neurotic.** I can't help feeling something really bad is gonna happen to B._''

Congratulations you mysterious Oracle! Very admirable deductive abilities! Or prophetic? Nevertheless, I owe you a drink. I guess we're all kind of neurotic here :)

By the way, I want to express my sympathy for all people of Paris, Baghdad, Beirut and Libya. I've heard about the bombing, even though the media was mostly focused on Paris. You have my full moral support, I hope you're somewhere safe and that your loved ones are too. Send me a PM if I can help anyhow.


	18. A Friend In Need

**Chapter Eighteen**

**A Friend In Need**

_''A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.''_

''Chuck Bass?'' Blair heard herself asking, no - demanding, her arm frozen hanging in the air. Her heart beat violently for million different reasons. In that moment, two currents seemed to struggle for dominance withing her raving mind. Each current evoked very different feeling, from concern to compete wretchedness. Each current requested very different question. Eventually, stronger current prevailed and love for her brother overcame fear of her lies. ''Did he do this to you?''

''No'' Dan replied sulkily, snatching the bloody cloth out of her hand and pressing it to wound on his forehead. ''Hounds at the doors did it. His bouncers. They didn't like me so they told me I can't get in and kicked my ass, naturally.''

He let out a snort, wincing in progress. Blair fingered the neckline of her shirt, remembering them from that one time she visited Tropic club. They were big and bulky, dangerous looking. One look at Dan's tattered outfit and she nodded in understanding. It was elite club for guest list members and people who can copy the look and demeanor. Dan resembled nothing like TFB. With his messy hair, ancient jacket and holey jeans - he almost looked like a beggar.

''He got them off of me'' Dan explained with downcast eyes, as if the information was pathetically satirical. ''Chuck Bass helped me.''

It took her a moment to process this information. Chuck Bass helped her brother - wait, no. Chuck Bass helped _Dan Humphrey_, the guy who stole and wrecked his car. It sounded incredible and bizarre. Gratefulness overwhelmed her at this act of kindness. In that moment, Blair could say she truly loved him. Chuck Bass was a hero. Her own secret hero, unaffected and genuine. He was unaware of his own glory. It was a thought that passed through her body, leaving every nervy excited. Blair sighed, her heart warming in affection, while she shook her head sadly. ''Why did you go?''

''I went to beg'' Dan answered indifferently. ''What else? I can't get a job. I can't pay it... But I didn't get a chance to say it.''

Elevation quickly undid itself as she realized something with a sinking heart.

Chuck was out on Saturday night in Tropic and she didn't even know it. Blair went to bed at 8pm last night, completely exhausted, falling asleep in her clothes. He was out, partying and probably drinking, doing whatever Manhattan playboys did when they were in a relationship. It wasn't anything strange for him, he was notorious for hedonistic night life. Nevertheless, the notion still nagged at her soul, much more than she should care to admit.

* * *

The air was cold in the countryside of New York, raw against exposed skin. Weekend getaway visitors were gathered in the warm wooden lodge, having breakfast and sipping steaming beverage. The mist clung to tall windows, clouding them. Serena leaned on the worn out rail of wooden ring, watching few riders train despite morning frost. Nate watched her blond hair tangle around her face and disappear underneath collar of thick plaid coat.

''So'' she sang, turning around to face him. Last night's revelry left physical signs. Her skin was pale, almost yellowish, bags under tired eyes were prominent. Despite everything, vigor and bubbly excitement were stubborn and persistent. They didn't mention their moment alone after her birthday party. Then again, she probably didn't even remember the way she hung on him, drinking every word he said. She was too wasted. On the other hand, Nate would never forget it. ''Where's my gift, Natie?''

He smiled at the affectionate nickname and slowly put his hands on her shoulders, reveling in the spark of her green orbs igniting at the touch. Serena, led by him, turned around and gasped audibly.

Led by a stable boy, there stood proud arabian with great red bow around it's wide neck. It's chestnut fur shone on dim winter sun. It was a beautiful-looking pure-blood. Serena's mouth were still wide open as she turned back towards him, impatiently asking ''Are you serious?''

''Happy birthday, Serena'' he barely uttered when she flung her arms around his neck. Their bodies clashed silently, coat against coat, one wild heart beating against the other. Nate felt complete bliss as he buried his nose in her hair, catching scents of perfume and hot chocolate. He breathed in, drunk on it and couldn't fight the smile off his face.

''Thank you so much'' she squealed and planted a chaste kiss on the left corner of his lips. He was startled by the action and apparently, so was she.

Too soon, she broke it off. Serena retreated, hesitant smile on her face, her eyes guarded. ''This is...''

''Amazing!'' finished a high pitched sound. Jenny Humphrey pranced over on her black horse, evidently admiring the arabian.

''Oh, Jenny. Hi'' Serena's demeanor instantly changed. She clapped her hands, forcing again her animation and displaying it lavishly to the undeserving world. ''It's a birthday present.''

''Impressive'' noted Jenny with arched eyebrow, black riding hat contrasting her soft platinum blonde hair underneath. ''It's kind of a present you buy for someone you really love.''

Serena froze, thick cloud emerging from between her lips at every laboring breath. She looked back to Nate and straightened, shrugging with one shoulder. ''Nate is my friend. My _best_ friend in fact'' she rambled, patting him on the shoulder awkwardly. The gesture appeared but a mock movement of earlier hug, something grotesques and fabricated. ''He's closer than my best girlfriend.''

Nate absentmindedly nodded to little Humphrey girl as she rode away, secretive knowing smile on her face. Cloud settled low over his brow and he followed Serena to the prancing present.

''Can you believe her?'' she talked bubbly while stroking the arabian, intently looking at the silken fur. ''She thought we were _together_. Well, of'course she did. A person gets confused when they see something this special.''

Nate looked at her deadpanned, welcoming merciless cold as a distraction from the pain inside his chest. Did she know how much she was hurting him? How could she not catch up already? Her endless talk filled his mind like empty words, swirling around on the wind.

''_I_ would be confused'' she continued, still not looking at him. Her eyes were all over her new horse, her hands petting it affectionately. ''If it came from someone else.''

''But I'm not someone else'' he heard himself mutter, his mouth set in deep frown. He has never been jealous of a horse before. ''I'm Nate. Your closest girlfriend.''

* * *

''Bart Bass caught on his way out of the restaurant with attractive young girlfriend'' Nate read during lunch break, papers spread in front of him. ''King of the nighttime declared pleasant evening was only just beginning for the lively duo.''

He leaned back on his chair and laughed ''This man is my idol!''

''Your dad is catching up on you'' warned Paige, wiggling her eyebrows.

Chuck rolled his eyes, but his foot tapped nervously.

Blair inhaled deeply, anger sizzling underneath her cool demeanor. She couldn't believe he didn't even mention Saturday night. They spent whole morning together and didn't even flinch when she asked him about his weekend. What an idiot. Suddenly, someone nudged her shin and Nate leaned in to whisper ''How's Penelope? You guys are still not talking?''

''No'' she decidedly said, but her eyes were hesitant as they followed his glance. There she was, dragging herself through the crowd, shoulders hunched. Penelope obviously got the point and melted in the background past week, shunned and ignored by TFB. Blair observed she had been skipping classes lately and now, seeing her for first time after couple of days, realized there was something very wrong with her. Her cheeks were hollow, her skin giving off yellowish hue.

''She looks down'' Serena noticed with a sidelong glance towards Nate. ''Depressed.''

Worse than that, they all thought, Penelope looked seriously sick. Blair rose from the table and excused herself, only to follow the hunched figure down to the loo.

''Penelope?'' her voiced reverberated across the white tiles, oddly mixing with agonizing sobs filing the empty room. Her eyebrows knotted at the loud wailing and choking coughs. ''Are you okay?''

''Go away, Blair'' cried the hidden voice from one of the stalls, cracking at every syllable.

''Come out'' she ordered, not bearing to listen to her anymore. She sighed as the sobbing turned to whimpers and sniffles. She waited for few moments as all noise eventually died out. Nothing happened. Silence was eerily quiet. It brought back memories of half dead Georgina, sprawled on the floor of bedroom.

Slowly, but surely, Penelope opened doors of the stall. Her head was bent down, hiding puffy eyes and wet face. Before she could ask what was wrong, her former friend raised her palm. Pregnancy test was clutched in her fist. The two lines clearly stated it was positive. Blair's eyes widened, shock doubling and crashing her down. All pretenses of anger and resentment were gone.

Penelope shoved the test to the trash and opened faucet to wash her face. As she did so, tears streamed down her face, another heart-wrenching avalanche coming.

''Get it together'' Blair advised harshly, still stunned and confused by the scenario. If she was Penelope, her parents would kill her. Undoubtedly.

''I'm pregnant'' her ex friend uttered miserably, her voice shaking. ''I'm pregnant. Everyone will find out. How humiliating. I'm doomed. My parents - Oh, God-''

Another flood of tears followed, but Blair waived her hand impatiently, interrupting it. ''Nobody will find out if you don't say anything.'' She was aware of the powerful weapon she had in hands. This secret could destroy and repay the betrayal she suffered. But now that she had everything by her side, Blair didn't think Penelope worth all the trouble. ''Besides'' she continued, arching her brow. ''You can't handle this alone. It involves two people.''

''I am alone'' she whispered, shadow falling across her eyes.

''Don't be ridiculous, you're not alone.'' Blair swallowed the bile in her throat. ''You have father of the baby.''

''We're not even in a relationship! It's just sex.''

''He can't leave you alone like this'' Blair insisted, her cheeks coloring indignantly at the cause of all this mess. Carefree sex life of her colleagues was always something foreign to her, something forbidden. She didn't look down upon it like the rest of her family, but rather threaded her way carefully over the topic. ''You have to talk to him.''

''I can't'' Penelope replied firmly. She picked on bed nails, avoiding her eyes.

''Who's the father?'' asked Blair gingerly, noticing the nervous attitude. They were out in the hall now, looking down at the lounge room from the stairs. TFB still sat at their table where Blair left them. Penelope's watery eyes fell on Nate. She stared at him for a good while, sadness and unexplainable brokenness in expression of her face.

''Nate?'' Blair blanched, looking at him talking to Serena and laughing at something she said. He looked so easy-going and relaxed, always had. She suspected something happened between him and her former friend, but figured it was over as quickly as it began. She wrote it off as one time thing, little fling that quickly burned out. ''Nate?!''

''I need your help'' Penelope said hoarsely, wiping her wet cheeks and hiding so TFB doesn't see her. ''I can't do this alone. Can you talk to him? Please? It has to remain a secret.''

Blair gaped at her, thinking she must be mad.

P. sniffled, her eyes closed. ''I'll die. I'll kill myself.''

Once again, her thoughts flew to Georgina and that trip to hospital. Shudder went through her body at the horror she experienced back then.

''Fine'' she heard herself say. ''I will do it. But I'm doing it for Nate. He's Chuck's best friend after all. Don't take this as any personal favor to you.''

Penelope nodded gratefully and went outside to wait by the main entrance. Blair groan inwardly and dialed Nate's number, peeking at him from distance, behind wall. His phone rang as he twirled Serena's strand of hair. He took it out to check caller ID and imperceptibly glanced at Chuck before answering, ''Hello?''

''Don't say my name'' she warned under her breath, pressing phone close to her mouth.

''Um, okay.''

''We need to talk'' she stated shortly, looking directly at him though he couldn't see her. ''Can you come to Starbucks, the one just outside of campus? Nobody can know.''

''Sure. When?''he asked, sensing something was going on, something serious. Blair just left to go to the loo. What could happen in these short few minutes that she was gone? Probably something that involved his best friend. Nate would always be there for Chuck. There was an itch that urged him to drop everything and go.

''Now.''

''Now?'' he repeated, his eyebrows shooting up. ''...Okay.''

''We're waiting for you there.''

''We?''

''Myself and... Penelope.''

His lips set in frown immediately. He threw cautious glance towards Serena who gazed at him intently. ''Okay. Fine.''

He hung up.

His blond friend leaned her arms on the table, her elbow touching his. ''Who was that?''

''Nobody'' he responded after moment of silence, playing with his phone absentmindedly. ''An old friend.''

''Why don't you say his name then?'' her eyes narrowed. ''Or hers?''

''You don't know them.''

Her laugh was loud and incredulous. ''Is there actually a friend of yours that I don't know?''

''That's none of your concern'' he curtly replied and got up immediately, cloud over his brow dark and heavy. Her lips set together in thin line, frustration visible behind green orbs.

''Sorry guys'' Blair ran over to them, back from the loo. Her gaze was focused solely on purse and her own hands. ''I have to go.''

''Don't you have another class?'' Chuck asked, getting up to help her with her coat.

''I forgot I was supposed to meet mother today'' she brushed him off without looking or thanking him. Blair was still irritated by the fact he didn't mention his weekend plans; specifically Saturday night.

''Uh, I'm going too'' added Nate, raking his hair with hands.

Serena stared at him wearily, keeping her mouth shut.

''You too, Brutus?'' Chuck grumbled, absentmindedly stroking Blair's back. She shivered in pleasure and despite inner urges - stepped away. He grimaced immediately, but didn't remark anything.

''Yeah, sorry. I have to meet with a friend. With one who called. Just earlier now.''

He left promptly and Blair gave herself few moments to plant a swift kiss on Chuck's cheek. His lips were left expectantly parted and untouched, his brows knotting at her retreating figure.

* * *

''I'm pregnant'' declared Penelope, her face half-buried in cashmere shawl, despite the warmness of coffee shop. Starbucks was empty, students were still mostly in classrooms and the rest was scattered over campus. Waiter cleaned the table nearby and went back behind the counter with no particular rush. Nate finally dropped in his seat, as if electrocuted, color draining from his face.

His blank eyes stared at spot on the wall. Silence was long and painful.

Penelope groaned loudly, her eyes welling up with fresh tears. She rose hastily and left the café, passing Blair who was outside just about to head home.

''He treats me like a whore!'' she roared angrily, turning back on her heels to face petite brunette. Obviously, Nate's reaction wasn't what she had expected. Her glare was accusing, every now and then fleeting back to entrance to Starbucks. ''I want him to suffer! But he sits there like a dumb idiot!''

Blair rolled her eyes at the theatrics, introduction to raging hormones of pregnant adolescents not very pleasant. Nate has always been kind of dumb and she was just seeing it? Crossing her arms, she let the tantrum flow freely.

''Are you going to go back and talk to him?'' asked Penelope, eyes going wide and hopeful. After a moment of hesitation, her expression soon turned pathetic, her voice small. ''Talk to him. Tell him I'm sick. Maybe he'll feel bad.''

She sniffled, her eyes focusing on Blair. They were clear and full of fear now, hope not completely extinguished. ''I have to know what he thinks. What should we do...? I know you don't want to interfere, but you're all I've got. You're all _we've_ got. Please.''

''Fine'' Blair nodded, feeling her own attitude and mood improve with more control that grew inside her grasp. She wanted to be Chuck's silent champion, just like he was her's. Blair wanted to repay his undisclosed good with another matching good. The math was but too perfect. He deserved it. Despite everything, he would always be her hero. ''I'll do it tonight. For now, let Nate come to his senses.''

* * *

Nate stared at bright screen of laptop, the assignment sheet blank and untouched. He couldn't feel his muscles. He felt stiff and sore from sitting in Bass dining room all afternoon and evening, avoiding his best friends' eyes. They typed away, discussing the project, demanding his opinion. His words were automatic, his movements unconscious. He felt like today was a movie he once watched, but didn't particularly enjoy. It went as slowly as possible, without having option to pause or fast-forward it. It was a torture. His phone rang, Blair's ID flashing on screen.

Slowly and very silently, not to attract any unwanted attention, he rose from the table and went in kitchen to talk. ''Hello?''

''Hey, it's Blair... How are you?''

He sighed tiredly, looking back at the table and catching Serena staring at him. Shiver ran down his spine at the look she was giving him. He felt bare, exposed. _Guilty_. The dream he had about them was getting further away, leaving him alone and painfully awake. Nate turned his back to her and answered ''I don't know. Everything is so...''

''Listen'' Blair cleared her throat awkwardly. ''I can only imagine what you're going through. Trust me, Penelope is having it worse. She's a mess.''

''I can assume'' he replied shortly. ''What does she want?''

''For you to change the attitude. You can't just blame it all on her.''

Blair's sudden change to steely approach caught him unguarded and he vent out what wasn't ever supposed to be said. His voice was bitter whisper, his eyes completely blind to approaching Serena. ''She told me she is using protection! She was supposed to be using it, Blair!''

''If you didn't trust her'' she quipped back, finding the logic faulty and immature - regardless that it happened to be in defense of her treacherous friend. ''You could have been using it too.''

After a frustrating exhale, Nate nodded sulkily, realizing she was right. As he did so, corner of his eye caught a blond mass. He turned around hastily, only to face suspicious Serena. ''Okay, okay'' he quickly spoke to phone, panic overwhelming him. Did she hear anything? ''I'll call you later. Okay?''

Without waiting for Blair's reply, he hung up.

It took all the cool he had in himself to turn around and, at that moment, he didn't have much to begin with.

''Who did you talk to?'' asked Serena with slanted eyes, chewing on a pencil.

He shook his head and made a step to go back to dining room, but she blocked it. Serena leaned into his face, her eyes serious. ''Nate'' she whispered gravely, ''Who did you talk to?''

''Serena'' he replied with the same tone of voice, ''I was talking to an old friend.''

It was clear she didn't buy it.

''I'm here killing myself with work'' Chuck's annoyed voice came out of the dining room. ''And you two are chit-chatting. Not on my shift. Get back to work.''

Nate sighed very slowly, careful not to make it a sign of relaxation or repose. Serena still eyed him.

''To make the matters worse'' Chuck continued, his eyes darkening. He gave the laptop evil eye as if it had any part in the misfortune that has befallen him. ''Blair's phone has been busy all night. Who is she talking to?''

* * *

''Good morning'' chirped Blair, sipping hot chocolate in remote café far from campus, looking at the fog crawling on the Manhattan streets outside.

''Hey'' replied Chuck in his most seductive morning voice. There was a ruffle on his side of the line as he turned over in bed. She imagined his messy hair sprawled on sateen pillows, sleepy eyes and sloppy, but charming kisses he'd shower her with. ''Has my beautiful chatterbox waken up?''

''What is that supposed to mean?'' she asked indignantly, fighting off the smile off her face.

''I called you last night - several times. As it happens, the line was busy.''

''Oh'' she breathed, playing with cup of steaming liquid in front of her. She's been on the phone talking to either Nate or Penelope, playing the middle man in current drama. She figured saying half of truth was better that hiding whole of it. ''I talked to Penelope.''

''Everything okay between you too?'' Chuck inquired and she nodded, though he couldn't see her. ''I have class at 11 and I know for a fact that you have one at half past 10. Yes, I know what you're thinking. I am utterly pathetic for knowing my girlfriend's schedule by heart. Utterly, pathetically infatuated with you.''

She chuckled, glad that he couldn't see her because blush that adorned her cheeks was too embarrassing for mature sophisticated student she thought herself to be. Saturday night was forgotten, she was adoring him more with each day, resolved to be his hero in one matter at least.

''I'm picking you up, right?''

''No'' she replied somberly, all the humor gone. Iron fist clenched around her heart as she had to force another lie out of her lips. ''My father is still sick, I'll go straight to class.'' Her doe-like eyes caught the sight of Nate as he got closer and sat opposite of her, looking wistfully at third empty seat. ''I have to go, Chuck.''

There was a pause where powerful words of affection rose up to her throat, but she closed her eyes and forced them down. ''I'll see you later.''

Hanging up, she opened them and focused on Nate.

''She didn't come?'' he asked annoyed. ''She thinks she's punishing me with this.''

''Nate'' her eyes flashed in warning. Last night, she saw how broken Penelope was. Some part of her thought how she deserved it, but the other part recoiled in pity, thinking how glad she was not to be in her place. It only strengthened her resolve to help her. There was something in tragedies of our friends that makes one feel fortunate and charitable.

''What am I supposed to do Blair?'' he asked in hush, leaning over his drink to her. ''It's barely 9am and I already called her fifty times today. She didn't even bother to pick up. I told her I'll do whatever I can do. What else does she want?''

''Can you blame her?''

''Let one thing be clear'' he said, gripping the wooden ends of the table. ''I never forced her to do anything. Penelope never did anything that she didn't want to do.''

His phone rang, interrupting them. Serena's ID flashed on the screen. Without hesitation, he ignored the call.

''Blair'' he said seriously. ''Get her to come. It's going to be taken care of today. Here.''

* * *

Serena dialed his number again just as the bell signaled end of class. She filed out on the hall and he insolently rejected the call once again. Sighing in frustration, anger laced up in her voice as she turned to Chuck ''Where's Nate?''

''No idea'' he explained indifferently as he fixed his maroon bow-tie. ''I haven't talked to him yet.''

''Fine'' she archly allowed, her eyebrow rising. ''But where's Blair?''

She knew they didn't come together which was a complete surprise. He always picked her up earlier to spend time together before class. Not today.

''Her dad is sick'' despite the casual tone of voice, line between brows deepened and creased. ''She said she'd go straight to class. Why?''

''You say she's having class'' Serena accused quietly, looking pointedly at the end of the hall, the figure in question walking towards them with high head. ''Yet she's coming from the outside.''

''Morning'' she sauntered over, nodding to Serena.

''Didn't you have class?'' he asked, his arm encircling her waist as he kissed the top of her head.

''I did'' she said confidently after a small pause, ''But I had to leave in the middle of it. Bank emergency.''

''Oh, really?'' said Serena with dubious tone which did not escape Blair.

After the short conversation and few conflicting looks, Nate came up to them. Blair noted with suppressed eye roll how stiff his posture was, awkward and nervous. She wished she could get it together. He drove her to campus and they were smart enough to come separately. Serena was too clever not to notice these conspicuous things. Smallest slip-up could cost them everything. They swore to Penelope that nobody would know.

''Good'' blonde exclaimed with forced cheerfulness, looking the newcomers with strange glint in eyes. ''Now we're all here.''

They soon dispersed, some heading towards class and some towards library. After Blair was done with her class, she found Nate waiting for her in the hall. Girls saw him, admiring his boyish charm and giggling as they passed by.

''Blair'' he approached her, quite oblivious to the attention. He was still very nervous and tired-looking.''Did you call Penelope?''

''No'' she replied, admiring the way he handled the situation. He wasn't brave, but he was persistent to take care of it. ''Her phone is turned off. Just a second...'' Blair turned on her own phone and saw she had an incoming message. ''She sent me a text.''

''What does it say?'' he asked impatiently, wringing his hands.

''She agrees that you two meet to discuss it, but not alone.''

Their eyes met in silent harmony only two souls sharing the same secret could conjure up.

''We're dependent on you again'' he said softly, looking at her with mix of sadness and gratefulness. They were too absorbed in the matter to notice Serena rounding the corner and pausing at the sight of them. Hall was empty except for the duo. She hastily retreated back few steps, hiding well enough to see and hear what they say perfectly.

''Where do you want to meet?'' she heard Blair ask and the question was like acid thrown in her face. Nate has been acting odd these past few days and Blair was even more secretive than usual. Was there a link between these two occurrences? She grimaced at internal scorching pain, gripping the cold wall for support. Her heart turned upside down and bitterness washed over her.

''Where we met last time?''

''Okay.''

They were sneaking around together and it has already happened? Fist Penelope and now Blair? Why couldn't she ever be good enough for him, she asked herself with terrible melancholy. They've been friends for years when she started feeling something more for Nate. But then she found out about Penelope and all her feelings were cruelly squashed. Serena had been angry at him ever since, but thought her resentment begin to subside. She could have forgiven him Penelope eventually, but Blair?

''Wait for me at the back entrance to pick you up. If that's okay?''

She would never be able to forgive him Blair.

''That's perfect'' brunette nodded and couple parted, leaving both in opposite directions. Serena waited, rooted to spot, until they left. Her heels were loud against the marbled floor on her way to see Chuck. For some reason, tears kept springing in her eyes, but she wiped them off quickly. There was no reason for her to cry. Chuck was the one to spill river of regret and shame for dating this kind of girl. Best friend and a girlfriend. How classic.

5 minutes later and they were in her limo. He wouldn't have come otherwise, but she seemed agitated. Serena reeked of suppressed desperation. It wasn't look that he ever saw in her before and it put him off enough that he actually went along. ''Are you going to tell me what's going on?''

''Where's Blair?'' she asked with thick voice, looking out the window at the dull gray day. How ugly that day was. Thin snowflakes drifted through smog only to land and melt in dirt of pavement.

''No idea'' he said quietly, setting his jaw. There was something bothersome on his mind and he refused to let it overcome him, she noticed. ''I didn't have chance to call her since you practically dragged me out. And your limo doesn't even have a champagne.''

''Park right there'' Serena ordered to her chauffeur, and added ''Thank you'' as partition went up.

''Why are we stopping here?'' Chuck asked curiously, eying the residential buildings of Upper West Side with disdain. ''Are you planning to make a terrible investment?''

Serena pointed to a nearby café without looking at him. ''Look who's inside.''

Chuck followed her glance. Past wide paneled windows, inside quiet desolate place, sat Blair and Nate. They seemed to be leaned over table, engaged in conversation. His eyes darkened immediately. ''What are they doing here?''

Serena simply shrugged. ''Call Blair.''

Only then did she managed to face him, challenge in her eyes. Did she know something he didn't? He fought his voice to remain light, not wanting to succumb to whatever scheme she had in mind. ''Why should I?'' He looked away from the scene, mouth set in thin line. For some reason, he didn't want to know the details of this rendezvous. Still, thousands of questions ate away at his soul. People often got hints from providence about important matters in life and would be well off to bide them, but most often they do not - out of fear of the truth.

The bait was caught. Serena's voice was louder, firmer. ''Call her. Ask where she is.''

Chuck slowly turned to look at her, their eyes clashing in silent ferocity. If he backed out now, he'd never hear the end of it. Then again, maybe they just met accidentally and decided to have coffee together? Despite the dare, raw interest nagged him. What could Nate and Blair possibly have to talk about - privately? They were never close, not even as she became official part of their group. She stuck to Chuck and everyone else got the privilege of small talk, nothing else. What changed?

Deliberately, he took the phone out and dialed Blair's number. He saw her frown as she saw caller's ID, right before answering. Cold washed over him.

''Where are you?'' he asked, forcing airiness into his voice.

''I got out'' she replied just as airily. He watched her teeth play with bottom lip, her fingers delicately framing the phone. He regarded her with great deal of admiration and anxiety. ''I'm in hotel, working.''

He didn't know what he'd expect. An invitation for him to join them? The lie was studious and dangerous. It petrified him. Everything came crashing down at once. For a moment, he was speechless.

''Listen'' she said with that tone of voice she used when Blair didn't want to talk. He knew that tone too well. ''I have to go. Can I talk to you later?''

''She's at hotel?'' Serena laughed humorlessly as they hung up. ''Wait, I'll call Nate and ask where he is. Actually, better yet, let me go and ask him myself!''

She grabbed the handle furiously when his firm grip stopped her. ''No.''

His voice was thick, yet deep and commanding. Serena looked into his eyes and saw something that made her pull her hand back immediately and sit quietly.

''Let's go'' he ordered to chauffeur, picture of perfect composure. Despite the ice in his voice, there was terrible burning fire in his eyes.

* * *

**A/N: **Darling readers, I hope you're enjoying your holidays and getting ready for Christmas (those who celebrate it). I don't know about you, but I'm very excited! I'll be carrying mistletoe with me everywhere I go, WINK WINK. My Christmas list is long and unrealistic, as always. Why shouldn't I be able to put Ed Westwick on it?

I have Christmas list for you too, it goes like this:

-lots of reviews

-lots of love

-cookies (address upon request)

Very modest! I plan to keep the fic in sync with weather (sorry people living in tropical places). There'll be some drama and fluff next chapter, consider is as my Christmas gift to you. Remember, **more reviews = quicker updates**! If you're good, Santa will be brining extra chapters this month!


	19. Warriors Of The Heart

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Warriors of the Heart**

_Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much, as to be understood._

''I thought you were with Penelope'' Blair exclaimed in surprise as Nate met her on the hallway after class. ''Weren't you two supposed to meet?''

''She didn't come'' he answered annoyed, shoving his hands in pockets. ''She wants to torture me with this, make me feel bad.''

''How about you try to understand her?'' She said flippantly. Blair could endure one side making trouble (all due to living creature growing inside of her and raging hormones), but didn't want to take both of them acting like children. When she was at home, it was all about homework and phone calls with the latter duo.

_It was all for him_, she reminded herself in this tired daze. _All for Chuck. He deserved it._

''I need to be understood too'' Nate sighed, raking his hair with fingers. ''I wish I could talk to Chuck.''

''Don't be ridiculous'' Blair turned to give him the evil eye. ''We promised Penelope we'd tell no one.''

''Fine, I keep my promises'' he grumbled quietly and after that said more loudly, forcing lightness into his voice ''What's up, guys?''

TFB were sitting at their regular table inside the crowded lounge room. Courtyard was empty these days, everyone huddled inside warm building of Constance Uni. Snow fell in thick piles, hiding the green grass and covering every object in smooth white sheet. ''Sit'' said Serena, tapping the chair next to her. ''We're talking about something _really_ interesting.''

Blair trailed after Nate and they both sat next to each other, on only remaining seats at the table. She turned to greet Chuck, but stopped in midway. He had a look on his face that chilled her to the bone. He was in terrible mood and didn't even hide it.

''I tried calling you last night'' he whispered only for her to hear, his voice cold as ice. ''You didn't pick up. You never called when you got home.''

She inhaled deeply in irritation at the recollection of million different ways she tried to persuade Penelope to meet Nate and settle the matter down. The mission had been so far unsuccessful. Penelope was persistent in spiting father of her child and didn't even bother to come to class, let alone show up to one of their meetings. Blair didn't even didn't lie when she said ''It was already late when I saw your call.''

Their eyes met, waging a mute war with each other without declaring it out loud. Chuck's nostrils flared, but his mouth didn't utter another word. She noticed he was distancing himself, but the reason behind it was unclear. If she had been less tired, maybe she'd be able to notice his attitude was dangerously close to hostile.

''It's about who is cheating on who'' Serena continued loudly and Blair could swear she was looking pointedly at her. Serena looked as flawless as always, her skin glowing and bright. She was picture of Hollister perfection.

''Oh'' Nate nodded with cheeky half-smile. ''My favorite topic.''

Blair noticed the way Chuck's eyes snapped out of the daze to glare at his best friend. There was strange glint in his eyes recklessly flickering between thick lashes.

''My ex admitted he cheated on me this summer with my friend'' Paige said angrily, clutching the cup in her hands as if she'd break it.

''What an idiot'' Nate commented frankly, shaking his head. ''Why did he admit that?''

''What are you trying to say?'' growled Chuck all of a sudden. ''He wasn't supposed to?''

''Of'course not'' answered his best friend jokingly. ''Deny. Even when you're caught in bed with someone else.''

Serena caught Chuck's eyes and they passed a look between them that was completely unreadable to the rest of the party.

''You haven't been together for six months'' continued Nate, not put off in the least. ''He should have told you that back then. To hell with him.''

''What's happening with you?'' asked Blair quietly, leaning towards Chuck. She sensed him freeze at her proximity. Snapping at Nate wasn't something he did, something serious must have happened.

Chuck finally looked at her for the first time that day. Shiver went down her spine at the intensity of his piercing stare.

He didn't say anything. He merely rose, offering her his hand and she took it without thinking. There was an exciting mix of pleasure and pain swirling within darkest recess of her body.

* * *

''Remind me to get you a key'' said Nate as he got out of his car, crossing the parking to get to his flat.

''I'm not going in'' Serena replied, brushing the snowflake from the tip of her nose. ''Admit it.''

Nate came close and stood opposite of her, thinking how she looked adorable in thick wool coat and pink fluffy cap on her head.

''Confess what you're hiding'' she demanded with alarmingly threatening voice. Serena's mind was completely focused on Blair and their _affair_, nothing close to what Nate actually had in mind.

''Are you playing detective again?'' he asked with an eye-roll. Despite the casual demeanor, his heart skipped a beat at the thought that she knew his secret. Serena _knew_. And she was pissed off. ''How do you know?'' he finally gave up, looking at her somberly.

''I can't believe you'' she exclaimed at his almost offhand attitude, putting hands on her hips. Why wasn't he freaking out? Why wasn't he on his knees, begging for forgiveness? Did he care nothing for his best friends? Did this betrayal mean anything to him? ''You're making me crazy'' she muttered, putting her forehead in hands. After a moment, her voice was loud and angry, ''What is this girl doing to you?!''

''I don't know how you found out'' he said quietly, completely serious. Every other feeling died and and he was left with crude reality of his doings. Despite her discovery, Serena was very vengeful these days. He knew she couldn't stand Penelope - for whatever reason. He knew she'd be happiest if she took it out on her. But this secret was Nate's burden too. ''If you say this to anyone...''

''You're unbelievable'' she murmured with shake of a head.

''Serena'' he warned gravely, setting all feelings for her aside. Unwanted pregnancy was no gossip or topic for lunch-conversation. It was a serious issue and thus was meant to be treated as one. ''You weren't supposed to know this. Is that clear? You won't tell anyone. It's between me and them. Did you hear me?''

Her eyes narrowed and glazed. ''Oh, really? I guess you're right'' she spat sarcastically. ''Because this isn't something that Chuck should know _at all._''

''Don't drag him into this'' he uttered defensively,thinking she was over-reacting. Nate Archibald was a grown up man who could deal with his own issues. Of'course he'd want his best friend to know, but Penelope's wishes were to be respected. It was her body and it was ultimately her choice. ''What does he have to do with this?''

What does Chuck have to do with his girlfriend cheating him? Her eyes widened and she laughed humorlessly, ''_What does he have to do with this_?!''

''I would have talked to him'' he explained, frowning. ''But she doesn't want me to. Maybe I'll tell him everything later, when things settle down.''

''You're disgusting'' she spat bitterly, her lower lip quivering.

''Serena, please'' he stated, not bearing to talk about this topic with her anymore. It was killing him. Besides, there was nothing more that could be said. Nate turned around to go. ''It's enough that guilt is eating me alive.''

''Good'' she shouted, her voice cracking. ''At least you have conscience.''

With that, she entered her limo and slammed the doors behind her. He stared at the car as it drove away, incredulous look on face. Nate would have never thought she'd actually care about him this much. The thought didn't evoke the feeling it would few days ago. The timing was the worst. He had a sack of his own personal issues, like a lead to some feelings and sensations still unknown to him. He sighed sadly, wishing he was able to talk to Serena and Chuck about it after all.

* * *

''Why did we stop here?'' Blair asked heatedly as the rain poured over the thin layer of snow, falling loudly on the hood of the limo. Drops raced each other over the window glass, blurring the view on Tropic club. Murky river trickled down the brink of the street and into abyss of drain. Her body wasn't pressed to his as usual, but at least he dared to look at her. Not with happiness, not with affection. His irises were so dark one couldn't see any emotion behind them.

''Blair'' he spoke, her name bittersweet melody on his lips. ''We have to deal with that night.''

Her mind flashed back to the time fate caught up with her and brought merciless punishment. Drugs, flashing lights, his sateen sheets. Tears and messy hair. That night stamped her downfall and she experienced all the debauchery in one go, forced down upon her. ''We dealt with the part concerning us'' she spoke briskly, looking at the club cautiously. ''But here...''

''Everything went downhill here'' he finished, shadow falling across his eyes at his own recollections of that night. ''Maybe it can still be saved.''

''It looks completely different'' she grumbled, still reluctant to move anywhere.

''Everything is always the same here'' he sighed and took her hand is his own. He was hesitant, but after few moments, he squeezed it - not out of comfort to Blair, but out of comfort to himself. Valet opened the doors and ushered them inside to the table reserved only for special guests. The club was jointed with restaurant. The table was private, with breathtaking view of New York skyline. It screamed luxury and prestige. The restaurant was different than Millennium hotel. All the Manhattan golden youth seemed to gravitate towards this spot on the island. The air was different, much more casual and vivacious. Ostentatious, even. Millennium was about money, Tropic was about fame. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as if they remembered who she was. As if everyone was there when she took that damned pill. Or maybe it was all just her fancy.

She held her head high as they passed through and finally sat down. Chuck waited until she settled down and sat himself. He seemed to know what was on her mind and stroked back of her hand that was stretched out on the table. Frowning, Blair noticed how uncertain he was of touching her.

''Everyone here is part of the night life'' he assured, after they ordered the food. ''And everything is forgotten in the morning.''

''You're also part of the night too'' Blair whispered, withdrawing her hand and remembering Saturday night. Resentment boiled and flew to surface at the thought he never told her about his weekend and the fact that he was out. ''Did you forget that?''

''I did'' he said seriously, his ebony eyes focused only on her. He leaned his elbows on the table, inhaling the same air she exhaled. She glanced up, lost in the way he looked at her - as if she was made of stardust. ''I forgot everything that's not you.''

Chuck said the words with such intensity that left her feeling barren and overfilled with emotion at the same time. She looked at the lines of his face and saw her destiny written in them. He stroked her cheek with his thumb - without hesitation, sending shivers down her spine. She smiled involuntarily, every bad feeling between them bursting in the air and fleeing between cracks and nooks into the gray storm outside. Their mouth met in the middle in a tender kiss, fueled with suppressed urges and hidden insecurities. If she was to spend the eternity - this was the place, the moment she'd repeat forever.

Waiter coughed awkwardly and they parted, but their hands once again linked in mutual agreement - stars were aligned with planets and everything was perfect again. They ate their lunch with appetite. Blair dared to expertly steal a piece of truffle off his plate.

''Sharing is caring'' she cheekily said before grazing the truffle with her teeth and gulping it down. She smirked at his incredulous look. Nobody has ever done the maneuver before in front of his eyes. It was sly, bordering on rude. He relished in it and in the way she did everything with special kind of Blair-effect.

''I agree'' he laughed, trying to steal some of her calamari fritto off her side - with no success. She was simply too good at this. Blair kept pushing his fork aside with her own, the sound of metal against metal drowning in the murmur of restaurant.

She giggled, enjoying the game very much. Most particularly, she enjoyed the way he laughed with ease. Whatever was bothering him today seemed to lift off of his shoulders and leave them to revel in affection they had for each other. They didn't notice how all of the heads turned in their direction - curious at what was happening. Who dare interrupt the harmony of forced formalities and polite laughs?

Chuck dropped down his fork and crossed hands on his chest. She finally sighed in contentment as he gave up, still snickering at his adorable sulking look. ''You're not being fair.''

''Fine, fine'' she conceded and picked a fritto with her silver fork.

Chuck's eyes narrowed in caution and she taunted with delicious piece of fried squid. His mouth watered, thinking how he never liked the dish until he saw her taste it in pleasure.

''Come closer'' she whispered teasingly and his body reacted immediately. Chuck's broad shoulders leaned towards her, his tongue licking corners of his mouth. They parted as she titled forward, her hand carrying the fork towards his expectant lips. His buds were more than ready for the savory goodness, but one quick flash of Blair's eyes warned him of a trick - all too late. With impudent grin on her face, she quickly pulled the fork from his mouth and put the last piece of squid in her own, chewing it with tempting indulgence. Her eyes half-closed in enjoyment, savoring the taste. Small moan escaped her and breath hitched in his throat at the sound. He watched her with astonishment and infinite amazement.

Chuck couldn't get enough of her, every nerve of his body pulled her to him. He closed the distance between them impatiently and planted a kiss on her mouth, not before licking her lips and tasting the fritto on them. She opened her eyes in surprise and gulped, her heart beating violently with desire.

Chuck smirked and pulled black to finish his truffles, leaving her bewildered.

They resumed eating, each engrossed in the beauty of the moment and the inevitable bond they seemed to share. Under the covers of sentiment, the both quietly fought their own demon. One demon bore the name of the family, other demon bore the name of a best friend.

* * *

''I know what you're going to say'' intercepted Blair as Nate's mouth were barely opened. ''She told me you're not interested in parenthood. Little less delicately, though.''

He walked alongside her just as she left class and they both strolled towards one of the corners in need for seclusion and lately - out of habit. ''I'm not ready for that'' he simply shrugged. ''I can't be a father.''

''It's so easy to say it when you think she doesn't want the baby'' Blair cocked her head.

''Penelope would like to be a mother? And I'm suddenly supposed to become a parent?'' Nate bit his cheek and shook his head. ''Is she even honest with you? Why does she want that kid so much? Was it conceived in love?''

''What are you trying to say? You think she wants your _prominent _last name?'' Blair countered back, fed up with glitz and the glam and self-importance of Manhattan golden youth. Nate was always relaxed about these matters, but even his style of life got hold of him. ''It's a living being that belongs to both of you - equally.''

''It's a decision we both have to make and be ready for'' Nate argued, closing his eyes. In that moment, Chuck exited the office nearby and his face fell immediately at the sight of them. His steps were slow and deliberate as he approached without them being aware of him.

''We have to love each other - for that. Talk to her. She doesn't want to listen to me.''

''You do understand what you're asking of me?'' Blair questioned with arched eyebrow. ''It's ultimately _her_ decision.''

''It's a decision that could ruin not just both of our lives, but all three of us.''

The knife that hung over Nate's head silenced them and they stared at each other; one in pity, other in desperation. Faltering footsteps shook them out of daze and they turned around to find Chuck next their side, his skin pale as a chalk. ''What's going on?''

''Nothing'' the scheming duo said in union and Chuck went paler for a shade.

''I was just telling Nate that we were at Tropic'' lied Blair, tight smile on her lips. ''He mentioned _the _night and completely irritated me.''

Nate mumbled an apology and disappeared, shooting her a grateful look. Chuck stood rooted to spot, his eyes gradually darkening. She noticed his terrible mood crept it's way back. What was causing his moodiness? Blair wished they could be back at Tropic, having lunch and enjoying each other in simple manner. ''Are we going to have another fight?''

''I don't know'' he snapped, his eyes narrowing. ''Do we have to?''

She paused, looking at him offended. She whispered gloomily, ''I've asked you hundred times what's happening with you and you won't tell me.''

Chuck set his jaw, torn between trust and jealousy. As if their mind was made of same matter, he recollected their lunch at Tropic. After a second, his face softened and he opened his mouth to say something. In that moment, Blair's phone rang. Nate's ID flashed on screen and she let the phone ring, pressing it hard to her chest.

When she looked up, Chuck's face was as hard as it was before.

''Go then'' she sighed. ''Let me know when you want to talk. When you _actually _want to talk.''

He stared at the phone in her hands. Chuck saw Nate's ID, yet she tried to hide it. His lip curled and he walked off without another word.

He was furious. He was confused. He was aching for her. Serena filled his mind with this affair and she fervently stuck to the idea, fueling it as they sat in her living room. Chuck couldn't bear to listen to it, despite the massive evidence and continuous supporting claims. Didn't he hear them this afternoon right after class? Weren't they whispering about, talking about stuff that made him want to vomit. Secret meetings? Phone calls?

Serena clung to his forearm, calling him fool for keeping quiet.

''What are you waiting for?'' she demanded, completely livid. ''Call them out.''

What was he waiting for? He didn't know.

He tore away from her and drove straight to the suspect himself. Nate opened doors wide open and welcomed him with wide arms. They drank, as they often do when one of them is feeling down. He couldn't hate him. Nate was his best friend. He'd never do that to him. Tonight, they both seemed to be dancing the same dance. Dejection settled over them like a choking blanket. They bathed in sweat of despair, their mouth sealed shut.

What if Nate really did love Blair? Could he do this to Nate? Could he let him have her?

No, he couldn't. He couldn't let anyone have Blair. Nate could take whoever he wanted, beside her. There's was a string tied from his heart to her and sometimes it tugged at his chest in blinding pain.

''She's worth of it'' Nate whispered, downing his glass. He sensed what was bothering him without any question. Didn't Nate and he have a bond? Weren't they brothers? ''You knew Blair was difficult. Yet you stuck to her, you fought for her. Remember the beginnings and how it all started.''

He remembered the beginnings too well. It was the only thing stopping him from blowing up every time Serena whispered poison into his veins. He didn't want to let Blair go. He was ready to stand against the world to fight for her. Was he naive? Perhaps. But there was entirely different emotion playing with strings of his heart. Never before had he experienced it and it made no grand entrance. It sneaked upon him and only made itself known when the bell sounded an hour of peril.

That's why he was standing slightly tipsy, at midnight, in front of her house. Limo was suffocating him, it seemed empty without her perfume and sound of her laughter. He stared at window of her floor as he dialed. ''I'm right outside.''

''What?'' she mumbled groggily, sleep and fatigue clinging to the ends of her words.

''Meet me outside in ten? Even for a minute.''

There was a pause and he was suddenly terrified she'd say no. Tonight, whole world was on his shoulders and for once - burden was too heavy to bear. He needed her. He needed her to make him whole again. World tore him like a rabid dog. Serena ripped one piece of him and Nate the other. Chuck did what he had never done before, he pleaded. ''Please. Even if it's for five seconds. Just come.''

He hung up, frightened of her rejection. He had often heard the phrases from his own parents. _I have no time. Maybe later. That's just stupid._

Words shot like arrows into his heart and he let out a shaky breath, creating white mist in front of him. He finally saw her, in pajamas and coat, exit the entrance and all fears rose to sky into black abyss. Snowflakes fell on her chocolate hair, creating a wintry crown. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and her eyes were worried.

Chuck pulled her to him, not wasting a second. He hugged her tiny frame and after a shocked pause - she hugged him back. A surprised laugh escaped her, muffled by his coat, and he buried his nose deeper into her hair. Chuck finally felt complete. He kissed the top of her head and ushered her in the limo.

''You're trembling'' he noticed, scooping her up in his lap and rubbing his hands over her forearms.

''I'm not cold'' Blair whispered, doe-like eyes sparkling with excitement. He looked at the red tip of her nose and slightly chapped lips.

''What have you done to me?'' Chuck murmured, brushing his mouth alongside her jaw. His heart raced madly, every atom in body aching for this creature beside him. His tongue played with her bottom lip, her fingers clutching his coat for life. ''I'm falling for you so hard.''

Her eyes widened delicately, every lash as dear to him as stars on the sky. Blair smiled, her pearly whites bright in the darkness of the limo. She flung her arms around him, like those ladies in Renaissance pictures did around necks of their lovers, and kissed him in such manner that he forgot his own name. Too soon, she left him, breathing heavily and drunk for more.

* * *

''Thanks'' said Blair as Nate lowered down cup of coffee on the table. It wasn't paper cup, like majority of hospitals provided. Coffee was rich and spread delicious aroma. She was in the _private_ waiting room of _private_ hospital outside of Manhattan, drinking _private_ coffee from her _private_ cup - only the best for senator's grandson and his unpleasant accidents.

Penelope was in the surgery room, suffering the procedure to get rid of unwanted mistake. She cried a river that morning on her way there, clutching Blair's forearm and begging her for forgiveness. Blair was in too good mood not to forgive her, feeling sorry for her already.

''This is a nightmare'' Nate sighed, rubbing his temples. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and tousled from raking it constantly. ''I messed up, big time. I'll never forget her look as she entered that room. How am I to forget this day?''

''Nightmare?'' she scoffed, angrily setting the glass down on the table loudly. ''_Your_ nightmare? She's having a surgery and you think what you're going through is a nightmare?''

''No, I can't do this'' he breathed out, throwing his hands in the air. ''I'm bastard, I'm an animal, but...'' Nate rose and pulled his credit card out of the wallet. ''I can't stand to see her as she gets out. Here, it's for hospital bill. PIN is 1994. ''

Blair stared at the card for a second before she snatched it out of his hand and rose furiously. ''What's this?! You're going to pay the bill and that's that?''

She shoved the card back into his palm. ''You're not going anywhere, Nate. Take it. When she opens her eyes, let her see you - not this. How can you be so selfish?''

The words were maybe cruel, but the situation allowed them. Nate took the card and dropped back in his seat, swallowing loudly.

_I'm really angry and confused._

_-C,_

she read text as her phone turned on. Call log showed there were 7 missed calls, all from Chuck. Blair groaned inwardly, thinking how he was still unaware of this escapade. She just disappeared for a whole day and he was worried. Did he wait for her in front of home to give her a ride to class?

Probably.

Tingles of guilty happiness spread over her chest at the feeling that she was needed by him. Will she ever get used to the feeling?

_I'm with my friend, Georgina. I'll call you when I get home. Sorry,_

_B x_

They just settled things down yesterday and water has already been stirred. Blair skipped class that day to be with Penelope and Nate. They insisted, begging for her and she promised them to do it, feeling herself too involved in the matter already. When the surgery was done, she couldn't tell which one looked or felt worse. Penelope was pale as a ghost, her cheeks hollow and her eyes still dazed with sedative. She didn't want to stay in hospital and sought Blair to let her come to her place.

''I don't want my dad to see my like this'' she rasped, heaving loudly. ''Take me home with you. Please.'' Blair flushed with shame as she thought about her own small flat with 2 miniature rooms. How could she let her there?

Finally, Nate offered her his own flat. Penelope agreed to two conditions: 1) that he left, and 2) that Blair stayed with her.

With a heavy heart, she agreed. Blair was sure her sunken face would haunt her dreams if she refused and Nate didn't look much different. He dropped Penelope off to his flat and she left back home to get a change of clothes and beg a permission from her parents. Mom would let her go, but father was always strict with these things. She kept reminding herself that he came from different background and Blair would have to tolerate this until she left home.

He barely let her, under pretense she had a study group - with girls only. Nate picked her up at the end of the street and she noticed how comfortable she started to feel around him. Blair didn't perceive him as one of TFB anymore, he was just Nate.

They were outside, in front of his apartment, and he held her up before going in. Snow drifted around them, landing softly on the ground.

''I didn't abuse you enough today?'' she asked with a small smile, breathing more easily as the scheme was nearing it's end. She wanted to spend more time with Chuck and didn't want to lie to him so much anymore.

''I think we've been abusing _you _these past few days'' he said, his expression and feeling mirroring hers. ''It's been tough, for all of us. I don't think you know how grateful I am.''

She nodded and looked up to him, ''Just don't make me go through it again.''

He laughed, ''I won't'' and surprised her with a hug. It was a motion of relief and friendship which she welcomed with a grin on her face. This misfortune didn't necessarily make friends of them, but it brought them closer and she was glad someone like Nate became part of her life. He left somewhere alone, leaving them spare keys and Penelope settled on the couch, dreadfully avoiding the bedroom.

Blair phoned her parents to let them know she was okay, and Chuck. He was with Serena, working on a project. He didn't seem thrilled that she was still at _Georgina's_. Blair didn't want to discuss anything over phone. She was too tired. Blair watched Penelope sleep, apartment dark except the light in the kitchen. They were alone among the boyish furniture, shelves scattered with pictures of Nate, Chuck and Serena.

Around 10pm, doorbell rang. Penelope stirred from her sleep, ''Nate's back already? Don't let him in. I don't want to see him.''

''Look through spyhole'' she grumbled, more serious. ''It's like a hotel in here.''

Blair rolled her eyes and went to the hall. She rose on her tiptoes and figures on the other side rooted her to spot. Her heart sped up, panic racing through her veins. There stood Chuck and Serena, ringing the bell. Penelope followed her and Blair put finger on lips, motioning her to be quiet.

''It's Chuck and Serena'' she whispered, her voice laced with panic. She lied to him, telling she was at her friend's. He mustn't know she was here. Everything would be ruined.

Penelope swore, rubbing her forehead. ''Let's turn off the lights.''

''What's the point? They already saw them from the street. I'll call Nate.''

''He's probably showering'' came deep voice from the other side.

Bell rang few more times impatiently and Serena answered dubiously. ''Perhaps.''

''Nate'' Blair muttered urgently, careful not to be heard. ''They're in front of doors. Do something!''

''Fuck'' he replied, knowing already who _they_ were. The only two people they carefully hid the matter from. ''Okay, hang up. I'll take care of it.''

''Serena, he's not at home'' they heard Chuck grumble, leaning on the wall.

''I think he is... Lights are on.''

Chuck's phone rang and he answered, talking to someone for a minute. ''It's Nate, he's outside with a friend'' he explained to Serena, strange relief in his eyes, as he hung up. ''I guess we'll have to finish our project tomorrow.''

Chuck left without another word, but Serena stared at the doors with narrowed eyes. Blair's heart beat loud in her ears, as she stared back though small glass. It felt like Serena could see her. Finally, she walked away and girls on the other side of the doors shared a smile only two former friends setting everything aside could share. They went to sleep and Nate came back somewhere in the night. In the morning, Penelope took a cab to go home to recover and Nate gave Blair a lift to class.

''What are you two doing together?'' asked Serena with wide eyes, watching them exit the car in front of Constance Uni.

''I was hailing a cab when Nate spotted and me and offered a seat'' lied Blair, her face completely indifferent.

''And prince came to the rescue'' murmured Serena, looking them with a frown.

''I manage it all, sweetheart'' cheekily mocked Nate, putting on his sunglasses. Despite the morning frost, New York sun was bright on the sky.

''Not last night'' she pointed, arching her brow. ''Chuck and I came to your place, but you weren't there. Though I could swear I heard voices on the other side of the doors. How strange, right?''

Devil himself exited his limo and walked towards them. Blair was so relieved that the plot reached it's end in relative peace without any calamities. She grabbed his red scarf and tugged at it, pulling Chuck close and planting a kiss on his lips. He was left stunned with action, boyish smile spreading across his mouth.

''We just met too'' Serena interrupted the moment. ''How surprised we were to see Blair getting out of Nate's car.''

Chuck stared at the blond, sharing a look with her. Blair repeated the same excuse, giving her evil eye and not hiding it.

Chuck seemed to shake out of the dark daze and he led her away from them. ''Let's get away'' he said as they walked through courtyard. ''Let's forget time, phones, our parents... Let's forget everything and just leave.''

''Just the two of us'' she whispered longingly, slowly threading through fresh snow, her hand safe and warm in his pocket.

''Let's do it, Blair'' he stopped, completely serious, almost desperate. ''Without suitcases, just as we are. Let's fly away where we like.''

''I wish we could'' she sighed wistfully, leaning her head on his chest. She listened to his racing heart, dreaming about just leaving everything and going where he went. If her situation at home was different, she would be crazy enough to follow him to the end of the world. ''I wish I could watch from above all this mess.''

''Let's go'' he grabbed her shoulders and she looked up at him with most melancholic smile.

''I can't'' she said. ''You know how my parents are.''

He closed his eyes and nodded. ''How about just until your class starts?''

''That's in two hours'' she noted, excitement boiling inside of her at his mischievous looks.

''Deal'' Chuck said quickly and pulled a silky black blindfold out of the inside pocket of his coat.

**A/N: **Blindfold?! What do you think that is for?

To the reader who said how all this Penelope-Nate stuff is sad, but completely unrelated to Chair... Everything I write, every little thing and minor character will sooner or later be related to Chair. All secrets that we think forgotten will resurface and characters will just go crazier and crazier. Just another bomb to land in your pretty little faces as everything crumbles down. Next few chapters are all angst angst angst so be prepared for that. I think I should be responsible for your therapy sessions later on ):


	20. Everybody hurts

**Chapter 20**

**Everybody hurts**

_Sometimes I feel as though there are two me's, one coasting directly on top of the other: the superficial me, who nods when she's supposed to nod and says what she's supposed to say, and some other, deeper part, the part that worries and dreams... _

_Most of the time they move along in sync and I hardly notice the split, but sometimes it feels as though I'm two whole different people and I could rip apart at any second._

Despite the relatively calm day in New York, rough breeze blew into her face as she stumbled out of the limo. His strong perfume was the only familiarity in infinite darkness. Pressure of his hand on her elbow was comforting, confidently guiding her through unknown landscape. His other hand curved around her small waist, holding her excited heart from breaking out the rib-cage.

''Can I take off the blindfold?'' Blair asked impatiently, clutching his wrist on her belly for support.

His chuckle was low, brushing her earlobe. ''Not yet. Watch your step now.''

Her shin touched something metallic and she paused in caution. Pressure on her elbow dropped and she sensed his fingers travelling down her arm, on her waist and stop at behind knee. The movement was sensual and intimate. She shivered in pleasure and heard him exhale deeply. After a pause, he lightly pushed the inside of her knee and she bent it, as if climbing stairs. Solid metal beneath her sole was proof it were, indeed, steps. Two steps, to be precise.

With his help, she climbed somewhere where wind died out completely. He gently sat her down and she ran her hands across smooth leather. ''What about now?''

There was a silence. Her heart skipped a beat, fearing she was left alone. ''Chuck?''

In panic, her hand shot out to find him and hit something warm.

''Ow'' he yelped, squeezing her knee lightly. ''I'm here.''

''Sorry'' she squealed, retreating hand between her thighs. All of a sudden, strange noise filled the space they were in, as if coming from outside. It was loud, slow beating at first that gradually turned faster until it blurred into one constant buzz. Her seat shook and she swayed, feeling as if she was on a boat. ''What's happening?!''

After few moments, she felt him lean in and untie the blindfold. Elation sparked at his touch and filled her whole being. Darkness fell from her eyes only to reveal most breathtaking view ever. Nothing could prepare her for it. Manhattan glistened under their eyes, coated in fresh gleaming snow. Central park was a miniature winter wonderland, lake reflecting sun in thousand of tiny diamonds.

They were in a helicopter, flying across Hudson river. She was was so amazed by the sight and the fact that she was in _helicopter_, it left her speechless. People were so small she couldn't even see them. Cars lined up in several tracks across magnificent Brooklyn bridge. Everything seemed like puzzles fitting into one big enchanting picture. Whole world was beneath their feet, they were untouchable here.

''This is amazing!'' she grinned, touching the window with tips of her fingers.

''Beautiful, right?'' he asked quietly, not looking at the view at all. He was gazing at her with soft eyes, his eyelids half lowered. Blair felt warmth spread through her body at single glance from him. He treated her like nothing but queen, even when she didn't deserve it. Blair stroked his cheek with her thumb and kissed him gently. She never felt happier before. They shared this moment of heaven up in the sky, far away from lies and mess that awaited them on the ground.

''I'll never forget this'' she murmured into his mouth. ''Thank you.''

* * *

''I talked to her last night'' Blair explained to Nate as they walked together to lounge room between classes. She was still full of feeling and affection she felt for Chuck. So filled that she had some to spare for Nate and Penelope. Images of Manhattan still grasped at the end of her eyelids, permanently settling in her brain. Sweetness of their kiss imprinted in her memory forever, put away in secret drawer of her most cherished recollections. ''She said she was fine. Even mentioned she might come to class tomorrow.''

''Good'' Nate nodded, his hands in pockets. ''You seem very happy today.''

''I am'' she confirmed, not realizing she had been smiling like a fool ever since the helicopter ride. ''I'm in-'' the rest of the sentence stuck somewhere under her collarbone. Nate looked amused with raised eyebrows and she blushed, clearing throat. ''Why do you ask?''

''Never mind'' he responded laughing, lightly nudging her. ''Where's Chuck?''

''Went to see Serena, some kind of emergency'' she answered as they sat down for the table, joining Paige and Anthony. The latter duo shifted in their chair uncomfortably, their talk suddenly dying out. Blair's eyebrow raised slightly at weird behavior.

''I'll call him'' Nate offered, not noticing anything. ''To see if everything is okay.''

Except, everything was not okay.

They first heard tires screeching, a piercing sound in the quiet afternoon of campus. Lazy murmur in the room died out to anticipating silence. After few moments, someone madly ran down the stairs from ground floor, their hurried steps echoing threateningly. Chuck rushed down with messy hair and coat wide open, revealing blue shirt underneath. He didn't even look at Blair as he grabbed Nate's collar and punched him so hard the boy fell down on the floor. Crimson blood trailed down broken lip, his eyes wide in shock.

''Chuck'' she screamed at this outburst, getting up from the table.

''What the hell-'' Anthony, Nate's lacrosse teammate, quickly ran to friend's aid - but in vain. There seemed to be a strange strength pulsing through Chuck's veins, making his eyes look wild and his whole face feral. He shoved the lacrosse player out of his way and landed another punch.

''Chuck'' his best friend begged him, coughing up blood. ''Stop.''

There was no getting through to him. It was like he went berserk all of a sudden. Difference from Chuck now and one in helicopter was colossal. He mercilessly punched the blond again, pushing him back on the floor. Serena came running behind and halted, watching the scene with horror on her face. Blair was scared he was going to kill Nate, his best friend. She couldn't fathom a reason behind this brutal attack. With adrenaline in her blood, she stood in the middle of two best friends. She pushed Chuck's chest with determination and fear in her eyes. He lunged for Nate and she pushed him again, almost toppling on Nate in process. ''Stop it, Chuck!''

It was as if he only saw her then. There was no shock, no regret in his expression. His eyes were full of scorn. Breathing heavily, Chuck snatched something from Serena's grip and shoved it in Blair's hands. His knuckles were injured and bloody. She caught the paper, her eyes scanning the pictures with increasing dread. Nate got off the floor with Antony's help and he joined Blair.

**SENATOR'S GRANDSON, FAMOUS NATE ARCHIBALD, CAUGHT IN HEATED ENCOUNTER WITH MYSTERIOUS BRUNETTE**

On page six were their pictures and full two-page article. It was so absurd to see herself in magazine. She felt like she was looking at someone else, a stranger. But it was plain that it was her. Words blurred as she focused on images. She didn't want to know what they wrote about her. It was all lies anyway. Something to feed obsessed people like Georgina.

There were multiple pictures of Nate and Blair, hugging in front of his building. One picture even looked like they were kissing. It was a trick of perception. Media manipulation. She wore a smile on her face while in embrace and memory flashed back. It was the day she stayed at Archibald flat with Penelope. Back then, Nate hugged her in gratitude and she felt so lucky to have such kind person in her life. Pictures were bad quality, almost filmy and zoomed in, as if taken from a hiding place.

She glanced at Nate, his lip split open and bleeding, his eye slowly starting to bruise. There was a frown on his face that he'd probably never be able to take off all his life. It all felt like some stupid silly game and she found herself being the pawn. Blair looked up with quivering lip, ''Chuck?''

Everyone was gathered around them, staring as if watching some show on a TV. He was gone. Nate ripped the paper in pieces and kicked a nearby chair with agonizing growl. The scheme blew up in their faces. They were guilty, but not of the accused crime.

Her legs ran on their own accord and all she could think about was that kiss in the sky this morning. It all seemed too perfect and far away.

''Chuck'' she finally caught up with him on the parking lot, heading towards the limo. She desperately grabbed his arm and he flinched away from her touch in disgust. The action left her frozen, something in her chest slowly ripped. Her voice was small and strained. ''How can you believe it?''

''I saw you!'' he snarled, his eyes as dark as ebony. ''I saw you together and you _lied _about it!''

Breath hitched in her throat.

''When you told me you were at hotel, I was looking at you two together! You lied to me and you didn't even care. I was a fool for believing you!''

This time, it was her fault. She tried to say something, but wasn't able to produce a syllable. Her tongue refused to cooperate. She imagined how he must have been feeling these past few days, knowing she was lying to him and refusing to believe it. Single tear made it's way down her porcelain cheek and she didn't bother to wipe it off.

''You made me look like an idiot! I didn't want to trust my own eyes.''

''I trusted Nate'' his words were now a broken whisper. ''I trusted _you_.''

She took a tenacious step towards him and he took a step back. Her hands shook as if holding a weight she couldn't support. Chuck took a deep shaky breath and looked away. Guilt ate away at her chest, his words like acid spilling over her soul. He was broken and she was the one to blame.

''Nate'' his voice broke while looking back at her, his brows scrunched up. ''Nate was my best friend. He was like a brother to me. How could you?''

''Chuck'' she gulped down the tears, clinging at the lapels of his coat as if holding for dear life. An oath she took stopped her from explaining full story behind the lies, but he must believe her. ''I swear that's not true. Why didn't you ask me?''

''What would you have said? More lies?'' His trembling fingers took hers and for a moment - he hesitated. Blair thought he was going to take them and warm them up in his pocket, like he used to. They were cold. They were ice cold. How could he not see they were cold? ''I loved you so much...''

The declaration was like a punch in the gut. He loved her?

Stars blurred her vision and she swayed, heartbeats slowing down to a stop.

_Loved_? Past tense? She should have felt happy, but instead she felt devastated and morose.

He loved her and she hurt him. She played him. He only found out half of the lies. Other half still lay hidden, buried under her skin.

''I put you on a pedestal. I didn't dare touch you-'' he paused and swallowed. Chuck wrenched her fingers away and straightened his coat. Another tear stained the other cheek and she could feel whole world falling apart beneath her feet. ''And for whom? Someone like _you_?''

Words hung in painful silence. She stared at him through teary eyes, her fists clutched around her stomach. She was scared her body would collapse.

''Fuck'' Chuck swore, shaking his head. ''I was such an idiot. I should have seen this coming.''

''Chuck'' she whimpered, shaking.

''Go to hell'' he spat, turned around and left. She looked at his retreating figure, afraid to touch him again. She couldn't bear to see him look disgusted by her. ''Don't go'' she meekly said, her cheeks wet with tears. But he was too far away to hear, limo already drove off.

Blair picked up her bag off the floor and went home. Tears stopped with his departure, as if too proud of anybody seeing them but him. Pain crawled in her ears and filled her sight with black spots. She blinked and found herself in front of her building. Blair entered the lobby and saw flash of dark hair.

''Nice one. Good looking boyfriend; rich and handsome'' Georgina exclaimed with a malicious smile. She waved around the paper. ''You're famous now.''

Despite offhand attitude, her eyes were brimming with jealousy. Blair went past her like a zombie, her whole mind and body numb. She dropped in bed, without dinner, and stared at the wall until morning.

* * *

''Let me put some ice on that'' offered Serena, sitting down next to him on couch.

''Forget that'' Nate snatched frozen ice pack from her hands and threw it on the floor. ''Did you show Chuck the magazine?''

She pressed her lips together, ''I didn't want it to turn out like this.''

''You didn't think to ask me first?'' he demanded, his face swollen with purple spots. He was angry and confused.

''I've asked you thousand times'' retorted Serena, crossing her arms. ''I warned you, but it's like she put a spell on you. You refused to listen to me.''

Nate stared at her for few moments. Her words somehow seemed familiar, as if they've been through this conversation already. His mind worked, trying to remember when exactly did they talk about this issue. After a while, his memories of the parking lot and Serena's outburst at Penelope's pregnancy settled down the hazy dust. ''You...'' he said with humorless laugh. This was so sad and pathetic that it bored on comical. ''The whole time, you were talking about _this_?''

She was talking about this so called affair, when he was dealing with unwanted pregnancy? Universe had a terrible sense of humor. Serena raised her chin, not finding anything remotely funny.

''All your questions were about this? About Blair and me?''

Another grotesque laugh escaped his mouth. His wound on lip opened at the movement and blood poured in small trickle.

''You tricked us good'' she injected, looking at him offended.

He turned his head away, his soul quivering with bitterness. ''Get out'' Nate muttered.

''Nate-''

''Get out!'' he bellowed angrily, closing his eyes. He was fed up with Serena, his friends' lack of confidence in him, games and life. Picking up phone, he dialed grandfather's number and requested him to find out who took a picture of them. After explaining the situation, of'course. Not that Vanderbilt head of the family was much interested in these matters. He hung up with a sigh and turned on laptop. There, he saw (1) new message on Facebook. It was from someone named Georgina Sparks.

* * *

Blair was miserable when she showed up to campus next day. Everyone once again stared at her, but she couldn't bring herself to care. There was no comfort or warmth in gray clouds above. Weather seemed to sympathize at least. Her whole body still felt numb, guilt seeping through her bones. Guilt of her unspoken lies. Guilt of dragging Chuck and Nate down with her. Guilt of breaking his heart. Guilt of breaking her own heart.

Maybe this was for the better. Maybe she should stay away from them. She was a mess. A liar.

Chuck called her a liar and he wasn't aware how right he was. She was a ship anchored on land, thinking herself riding the waves.

''Are you happy now?'' she barely registered the Earthly Venus, hands on her hips. ''You tore us apart.''

Blair blinked against light of her sun, letting scorching heat burn whites of her tired eyes.

''We were inseparable before you. Nothing will ever be the same again.''

Blair gulped down another ruined world, down to the worms in her guts. Her voice was raspy, ''We didn't do anything.''

At least she was innocent of this crime. Everything else was her fault.

She blinked again, but Serena wasn't there anymore.

Day was spent in sighs and unshed tears. At least her family didn't read this kind of stuff. They looked down on trivial public affairs, thinking it a waste of time. If they found out, she'd be dead.

Somehow, Blair didn't feel too repulsed by the idea.

Classes blurred into one big ceremony of changing classrooms. Her eyes kept searching for his face in the crowd. Her heart broke again and again when she couldn't find him. Not that she'd know what to say to him. Not that she'd approach him. Blair wouldn't dare come close to him again. Memory of Chuck recoiling from her was burned into her very being.

That was what she'd been dreading ever since meeting him. Saltiness filled her mouth and she rolled her tongue in distaste. Blair wiped the drop of blood off of her bitten lip.

Finally, as the final class wrapped up, Blair saw him in the lobby with Serena, at the other end of the room. He was carefully dressed, but his skin was too pale, eyes too red. He looked as bad as she felt. She kept staring at him, longing to touch him, to kiss him, to whisper _I'm sorry_ over and over again. His blank stare turned towards her. Terror passed though her body at the ice in his eyes.

She blinked, he was gone.

Blair went to hotel after class to do her shift. She absentmindedly put on work outfit for the last time while her mind traveled back to Serena's birthday. Chuck's secret touches under the table still gave her goosebumps. She opened her eyes and shuddered, forcing down the tears. Will the rest of her life be spent like this? Drunk on the nostalgia of his presence?

Somehow, she didn't mind.

* * *

''What do you want?'' Nate demanded as he opened the doors. He had a slight stubble on his jaw, but eyes were clear and sharp.

''Can we talk?'' Serena asked, looking at his injured lip in concern. The purple color subdued, leaving a mean red line. ''Please?''

He sighed and let her in the hallway.

She bit her cheek, ''Okay, I was angry. I couldn't stand you, but it's all in the past now.'' Her voice was soft and sad, ''When I saw you lying on the floor... I was done for. Please come back to college.''

''Serena'' he spoke, looking her straight in the eyes. ''Get out.''

She put her hand on his shoulder, determined to make things right between them. ''What's going on with you?''

Nate looked at her hand and shook his head. ''Flawless. Acting; A+. If you took SATs, I swear you'd score scholarship. Lilly wouldn't have to donate a library wing.''

''Is this how you punish yourself?'' She dropped her hand immediately, as if burned. ''By pushing away the only person that wants to remain your friend?''

''Cry me a river'' he seethed and leaned on the wall, looking at her with crossed arms. ''I'm serious. Do it. I wonder when you'll start crying.''

''Fine'' Serena snapped, fed up.

She turned around to go when his voice stopped her. ''I know everything. I know you did it. I know you bribed that paparazzo, to photograph us and post it in that magazine.''

She stood there for several moments, opening mouth to say something and closing them immediately after that. Finally, she turned around to face him, anger, resentment and hurt swimming in green of her orbs. ''Yes, I did it. I was furious! I couldn't forgive you. I hate her for what she's done! I knew you two were secretly meeting each other. I knew you'd see each other again.''

Nate simply nodded at this outburst, realizing she was still believing he had an affair with Blair. She didn't even ask him if it was true. Neither did Chuck. They didn't care to hear his side of the story. They just came at them, burning bridges and themselves along with it. ''I don't care what you or Chuck think, okay?'' he gritted through his teeth. ''You're both nothing to me now.''

She stared at him with those wide eyes and he felt a pang of pain in his chest. ''Get out'' he spat before she managed to change his mind again. Nate breathed in and slammed the doors in her face. He pulled on his hair and sank down on the floor, leaning against the doors. He loved her, but she was a time-bomb.

Serena slammed her palm on the other side, ''Nate, open up!'' Her voice was shaking, pleading and playing with the regret he had in his chest. ''Wouldn't you be by my side if I was going through tough time?''

''Nate'' she called out, her voice laced with desperation. ''Please open up.''

He would have, but the damage was already done.

* * *

That night, Chuck sat in the living room, drinking himself to oblivion. He stared at the wall, urge to annihilate every single feeling he had was ever consuming. He hated Nate. He hated himself. He tried to hate... _her_. Chuck didn't dare think of her name. It only worsened this anxiety in his chest that he did something terribly wrong. Doorbell rang and he lazily got up, wobbling to open it up.

''Look'' Serena grinned lazily, leaning heavily on door frame. Her make up was smeared with tears, her hair a blond mess. She held up a bottle of wine in one hand, ''Look what I've brought you.''

She stumbled towards him and almost fell. He grasped her elbow and took the bottle - it was empty. ''Are you okay?'' he asked, setting the bottle down on the floor. Serena looked up at him, haunted by some horror she wouldn't dare speak out loud. She stared into his eyes and he waited patiently. Her lips parted and she leaned in. For a moment, he thought she was crazy enough to kiss him.

Instead, agonizing sob escaped her lips and she buried her head in the crook of his shoulder, shaking with anguish. He was stunned at first. Chuck was too involved into his own destruction not to notice anything around him. Serena lost a best friend too. Except that Serena didn't lose probably the only person that could make a living hell into heaven. And vice versa, obviously.

These past few days were spend drinking himself to sleep and trying to block out memories of _her_. Serena's pain pulled him out of that revelry for a moment and he took her upstairs and lay her to guest room bed. Just like the old times, he thought to himself.

Except it wasn't, bitterness bit hard. Nothing could be like it was before.

In the morning, he just got out of shower when doorbell rang. Nobody was home, except Serena asleep in bed. He pulled a towel over his torso and went to get the door. Penelope walked into Bass penthouse, biting her fingernails nervously.

He was too stunned to speak. Chuck couldn't fathom what he had to do with this girl. Nate's sex life didn't interest him anymore. Neither did Blair's list of former friends.

''Blair lied to you-'' she fired away immediately. The sound of her name was like a fist clenching around his heart. It's been days since anyone dared to say it in front of him. He set his jaw, resisting the urge to bash his head against the wall.

There was a high-pitched snicker coming from the kitchen. Serena walked towards them, wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She nibbled on a strawberry. Her eyes were full of hatred and newcomer froze with shock.

''You're kind of late with the information.''

''Because she didn't want to betray _me'' _Penelope forced herself to finish and everyone stared at each other in suspicion. ''Look, she went to Nate's because of me. I was there that day too. Nate brought Blair and left us. It was just the two of us there.''

''Blair obviously sent you here to fill us up with this nonsense'' Serena seethed, and walked to elevator to open it. ''Show is over, go home.''

''Serena'' Chuck warned, his voice cold. His heart raced, that anxious feeling inside tearing him apart, wanting to claw out of skeleton. ''Penelope, proceed.''

''Chuck, I...'' she continued, her voice lowered down and eyes stuck on the ground. She didn't want Serena to know. Chuck was okay, but not Serena. Despite the barrier, she had to save Nate. She had to save Blair. Penelope owed them that much. ''I got pregnant. With Nate.''

Serena inhaled so fast she though her lungs would burst. There was an ominous silence.

''I aborted. Blair was with me all the time. She never abandoned me. She was even meeting Nate on my account. They both swore to me not to spill a word to anyone. That's why they couldn't...''

She looked at both of them and shook her head, ''Blair did nothing wrong.'' With that, she disappeared. Heaviness occupied the room, filling every corner.

''I should have talked to Nate'' Serena whispered in panic, burying her head in hands. ''I should have talked to him first. Nothing of this would have happened.''

Chuck's eyes were blank as he stared at the elevator doors. Million memories flashed across his mind, million thoughts formed into a bubble and burst.

''You always believed them'' she murmured, rocking back and forth. ''This is all my fault.''

''No'' he rasped, pinching the bridge of his nose. ''I ruined everything.''

The words hung between them like a knife. He became painfully aware of his mistake. Chuck realized the only traitor was - him.

''What happens now?''

Blair's eyes brimming with tears invaded darkness of his lids and he winced. He hurt her. He didn't believe her. He didn't bother to ask. This was all his fault. Juts like rage and anger took over him when he saw magazine, guilt and shame replaced the feeling - stronger and mightier. ''Blair...'' he murmured her name, a silent plea to the gods of the past.

Serena dropped her hands to look at him in disbelief. ''Blair? Is that all you can think about? And what? I'm the only one supposed to think about Nate?''

''How am I going to fix this?'' he urged shakily, wringing his hands. He took a bottle of scotch and poured himself a full glass. Alcohol numbed down the pain, but images of Blair still flashed in his mind. He ruined the only good thing he had in his life. He didn't deserve her. If she was smart enough, she'd never forgive him. Maybe one day...

Serena got up and stood next to him. She patted him on the shoulder. ''We'll fix this together.''

* * *

Chuck came to Tropic early evening and planted himself on the bar. He took a nap before that to block out images and sober himself up, even for a bit. He sobered himself up only to take up another round of scotch, draining the supplies of his father's club. He was drunk before midnight arrived. He kept murmuring her name, his finger hovering above her number on phone screen.

Every time, he'd drop the phone and turn away from it. Her name haunted him, eating him from inside. Chuck didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know how to fix himself. Because that's what he had to do, if he ever planned to win her back.

Nate watched a movie on laptop, alone. His flat was utopia, but it was getting boring eating by himself and playing ps4 by himself. There was nobody to talk to. All his friends abandoned him, Serena betrayed him. Nate was considering replying to this Georgina person when doorbell rang. He got up and saw Serena on the other side.

''Nate'' she called out with small voice. ''Open the doors.''

He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to succumb her. She ruined his friendship with Chuck, sacrificed him and Blair. Serena didn't care about him. She didn't care about anyone, but herself.

His phone rang in pocket, Serena's ID flashing on screen.

She hung up when she heard ringtone on the other side. ''See, your phone is ringing. Please, open up! I know you're there.''

There was a prolonged painful silence. Nate thought she left. He dared to peek through spyhole and regretted. She looked broken, her eyes sad and staring at the floor.

''Why didn't you tell me about Penelope?'' she whimpered after a while, her voice thick. ''Why didn't you talk to me? If you told me, nothing of this would have happened.''

A heart-wrenching sob escaped her throat, coming from somewhere dark and gloomy. Nate pulled on his hair, not bearing to hear her like this. He cared for her still, despite everything. He cared for her, but he couldn't trust her. Serena was cruel. Nate had to erase her from his life, just like she did to him when hiring that photographer. There was no other way out of this.

''Nate'' she sobbed, beating her palm against the doors. ''Please open up! I'm so lonely without you...''

She sank down on the floor and hugged her knees. His heart sped up and he leaned his burning forehead on cold wood.

''Nate'' she whispered, as if frightened of something. ''I'm so angry without you. Lost. I do terrible things.''

Nate pressed his palms against his eyes, seeing stars and fireworks. His fingers trembled, aching to open the doors and embrace her.

''I'm different with you.'' Her fists banged on the doors, sound faltering. She cried convulsively, her voice breaking. ''Open up! Nate, please let me in.''

''I want to be beside you'' she bawled, every word piercing his skin. ''You can be beside me. I need you. I need you so much.''

After years of secretly loving her, he finally heard everything he wished, but too late. Love he had for her vanished into thin air. Nothing was like before. Everything was shattered to pieces. He was listening to her sniffles, crying out to him, and he stared at the wall blankly. His heart ached, but his head refused to give in.

* * *

Days blurred into weeks. Snow melted off the Manhattan rooftops and trees didn't look so bare anymore. It became pleasant to stand in the sun, but the shade was still clinging with icy fingers to skin.

Nate still didn't show up to class. Nobody knew where he was. There were whispers he was still in Manhattan, but nobody spoke truth these days.

Blair couldn't recognize herself anymore in the mirror. Winter frost never left her body. Her glow was gone, eyes devoid of any life. She was like a doll, aimlessly walking around. At least Penelope was back. They spend their time together during breaks, in silence and contemplation. She apologized for making a ruckus and assuredly promised everything would get back to normal. She seemed so sure of it.

''Just you wait'' Penelope nodded, smiling. ''It will all be okay.''

Blair didn't believe her.

Chuck was still around. Days were spent in class and nights in Tropic. The Prince of the Darkness was back. Sometimes, he would come to class still drunk from last night. She couldn't glue her eyes away from him. He was still the only light in her life, despite what happened. He would always be in her heart, like a tattoo on a skin. But she had to let him go, for his own good.

One time, ages after the break-up, she caught him staring at her and her heart almost jumped out of chest. Urge to kiss him was still there, but she choked it. He left her and she had to bear the penance of her lies. Lies that had nothing to with Penelope and Nate. Lies that had everything to do with her family.

This time, everyone else suffered because of her and she promised herself to put a stop to it. Chuck was better off without her. She was aching for him, but it was for the best. She knew she was toxic. She didn't deserve him. Blair was like a hurricane of pain and chaos - a walking disaster.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy (belated) anniversary, darling DIV-s! 1 year and 1 day since the chapter #1 of this fic! We've come a long way, huh? I just wanted to thank you for supporting this story and reading it, you guys are the best. I hope you have nice holidays and wish you all the best in the rest of 2015.

Thanks for reviews and keep 'em coming! Santa may be storing another chapter in his bag for you ;)

Let me know what you think about this chapter! Too angsty? What do you think will happen next? Our favorite UES group is torn apart, will they ever mend themselves together? xx


	21. Mirrors

**Chapter Twenty-one**

**Mirrors**

_Tell me you love me,_

_Come back and haunt me,_

_Oh, let's go back to the start._

She didn't expect to feel this empty without him. World turned bleak, sun lost it's shine, and the night was full of terrors. Blair has always considered herself a whole person, someone already complete. Life had been a roller coaster since birth and she always saw herself as an independent woman, completely in control of her emotions. That's why she put on her own simple clothes that morning, wearing it like a scarlet letter. Simple white long sleeved shirt and simple jeans. No-name shoes. No make up. Georgina's high-end silken shirts were left in the closet, untouched. She passed a brush through her curls and blinked at the reflection in a mirror. Chuck's face appeared in it and she blinked again.

It was gone.

How could her whole sentiment depend on entirely different human being, she didn't know. The fact was frustrating, even more so that Chuck took away her sleep and rest. He was in shadows of the corners of her room, in faces of random passerby, in images on TV. There was a new feeling in her chest, something she got the nick of in the past, while they were still together. It used to tug at her when he was dropping her home and Blair watched his limo disappear behind the corner.

_Together_, the word echoed in her mind and her eyes stung. She gulped down the tears, as she often did these days.

Now, the feeling was hundredfolds worse. That strange heavy ache was like a hook around her heart, dragging it down with colossal weight.

She missed Chuck. She missed him so much it shook her whole body. Her eyes searched for his face in the crowd; restlessly, obsessively. It afforded both pain and pleasure and she was drunk on it. Instead of sleeping, she replayed the sweet past and memories they shared. It was like laying down in bed of thorny roses, slowly bleeding to death and yet relishing in the scent. He was always so gentle with her, so caring. Chuck was her secret hero and she turned him into a monster.

''How are you?'' asked Nate, sliding in the booth next to her. He was finally back. She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

This floor of Constance building was desolate and solitude was what she sought the most these days. Chatter of people invaded her mind and interrupted her daydreams. Blair would often daydream of inventing time machine and going back to the start, the day when he almost ran her over with a car.

She would be honest with him, Blair thought. She would tell him everything and build their relationship on trust and truth. That's what he deserved, nothing less.

It was too late now. She was already a liar in his eyes and it should stay that way. She should stay away from him. Real monster was inside of her, dressed in Georgina's clothes and made-up stories of prestigious life.

Blair shrugged her shoulders and flipped the page of a book she wasn't actually reading. She couldn't bear to look at Nate. He reminded her of Chuck too much.

''He knows'' Nate said, giving her a sidelong glance. The sentence petrified her and she held her breath. ''Chuck knows everything.''

She looked up and hope burst up through her rib-cage to light her eyes.

''He came to me yesterday, we talked. He regrets everything.''

Darkness fell over her eyes and once again she leaned back in the dejected mood from earlier. ''Good.''

Hurt settled over her skin at the fact he talked to Nate yesterday. He set things right with Nate, but not with her. Her phone had no messages or missed calls. Sometimes he'd show up for class, sometimes not. But he could have at least called. Would she have answered? Masochistic side of her smiled bitterly. ''I'm happy for you.''

''That's all?'' Nate's eyes widened and he leaned his head towards her.

''What do you want me to say?'' she snapped, but quickly recovered, clearing her throat. Her voice was calculatingly calm and collected. Despite that, fire burned through her flesh and new set of tears threatened to pull to her eyes. ''He talked to you and didn't bother to talk to me.''

''Give him some time.''

She didn't reply, but stared at her book. Lines of complicated diagrams swam in front of her eyes, crawling over the page and finally formed a name.

Chuck.

She shut the book with a loud thud, giving the cover an evil eye. If it was only that easy. Nate left and she finally gathered strength to get up. Blair tugged at the hem of her shirt, the material scratching her skin underneath. It was so itchy and uncomfortable.

A woman with honey hair and dark eyes hurried over the courtyard out on the street. Her coat was beige, her hair put in a stylish chignon. Blair admired her graceful step and pleasing lines of the face. She must have been slightly younger than her mother, but her beauty was unquestionable. That wasn't the reason she caught Blair's attention, though. The campus was sometimes visiting place of rich parents of privileged Manhattan youth.

It was the eyes. Something about them rooted Blair to spot. They were dark and slightly slanted, a well of energy and power.

A limo was waiting for her and she entered. Golden bracelet fell on the street floor from her slender arm, but woman saw nothing. Blair ran to catch her attention, but it was too late. Car already started and drove off to line in the street. Without thinking, she quickly picked up the golden bracelet from the floor and hailed a taxi. Immediately, one pulled over and she urged ''Follow that limo!''

The driver grinned, excitement in his eyes, ''I've always wanted to hear that.''

She breathed out, looking amazedly at the elegant bracelet in her hands. Twisting it around, gold caught sunlight and shone in her iris. Letters C were imprinted on the surface, sign for Cartier. It was beautiful. Blair checked to see if the limo was still in sight - it was. She sighed in relief and stared at the bracelet.

She could have taken it and sold it. She could still do it. It was worth thousands of dollars. It would buy her some real expensive clothes and make up, not what she was wearing now. If she played her cards right, she'd give some money to her parents. Some to Dan for his debt. Possibilities were endless.

That wasn't her, though. Possibilities were endless, but not at all tempting. This belonged to someone else. Someone else worked hard for it and bought it. This wasn't hers. But one day, she'd buy one for herself.

''Here we are.'' Car stopped and she saw row of expensive townhouses through window. Woman unlocked one with huge mahogany doors and disappeared inside.

She fiddled around for dollar bills, very quickly splitting her savings from work at hotel in half. Blair walked the street as the cab drove off, gazing at every house with anxiety and delight. They were immense, with multiple floor and probably a back yard. She saw a wide shiny crystal chandelier through windows of one house and imagined herself living there. It must be gorgeous inside. Spacey and luxurious.

An image flashed across her mind; Chuck and her, holding hands and sitting at the plush cushion on windowsill in one of the houses. She is leaned on his chest and he is holding her tightly, ever so often kissing the top of her head.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she blinked them away, willing herself to breathe deeply.

She finally came to the doors where that woman entered and rang a bell. Blair waited for few moments, tapping her foot impatiently. An older maid with crooked nose and freckles over her wrinkled skin opened the doors, polite smile on her face. One look at Blair's clothes and her smile died out, eyes distrustful. ''Yes?''

Blair lifted her chin up proudly, ''I'd like to speak to the owner of this house.''

''What for?''

'''I have something of theirs'' she answered, clutching the bracelet hidden in her pocket.

Maid seemed to consider this, ''Very well. You can give it to me and I'll pass it on.''

Blair smiled tightly. She didn't trust this woman. Mother always talked about servants stealing from their patrons, even though she was cleaner herself. Jane saw too much. ''I'd rather give it to them personally.''

''Marlene'' gentle voice asked from behind the doors. ''Is that Charles?''

Marlene opened the doors and let Blair through. She walked into grand lobby with majestically tall ceiling and came face to face with the woman. Her coat was gone, revealing a classy royal blue sheath dress. Blair pulled on the hem of Target shirt, feeling herself small compared to her.

''Welcome'' the woman's voice was melodic, but her neatly plucked eyebrows were slightly furrowed. ''Can I help you?''

''Sorry to bother you, but I believe this is yours'' Blair carefully took a bracelet out of her pocket and handed it to her. ''You accidentally dropped this in front of Constance. I saw you right before driving off. ''

''Oh, my goodness!'' Woman gasped and put the bracelet on, laughing a little. ''My husband would kill me if I lost it. He _hates _shopping and I hate going alone to Cartier_. _Going with your loved one always makes buying jewelry more romantic, instead of making it what it really is - a need to make us look better than our friends_. _Don't you think?''

Blair smiled involuntarily at the speech. There was something in the air of this woman that was unlike any other rich socialite or trophy wife she met.

''Thank you'' she exclaimed, offering her hand. ''I'm Evelyn.''

''Blair'' responded shaking it, still mesmerized by her eyes.

Evelyn started at the name, her eyes going slightly wide. She cocked head and examined her more closely. ''You must be a freshman at Constance, right?''

''Yes'' Blair answered in surprise, ''Quite perceptive of you.''

''I'm part of the parental committee, maybe I saw you before. '' Evelyn shrugged, but Blair didn't believe her for some reason. She'd remember if she saw this woman before. Blair vaguely wondered if she knew her son or daughter. ''Come on in, have a tea with me. That's the least I can do for you.''

''You're too kind'' replied Blair, after shocked pause. She would never expect this invitation, but it was still flattering. ''I have to go, though.''

''Nonsense, the traffic is terrible now'' Evelyn walked to living room and Blair had no choice but to follow her. She was still completely hypnotized by her. ''I want to get to know you.''

They sat at the white English satin sofa with golden pillows. It sank under her and Blair relished in the smell of sandalwood that spread through the room. Marlene brought the tray with tea, milk, sugar, scones and range of cakes. Bowl of fresh strawberries reddened in juiciness. Maid flashed a smile that was meant to be apologizing and Blair took a cup. The living room was full of light, such contrast to her stiffly small apartment in basement. There was a row of pictures on grand piano, but they were too far for Blair to see.

''What's your major?'' Evelyn asked curiously, looking her in the eyes. Blair felt slightly uncomfortable under this scrutiny that was supposed to be subtle, but didn't escape her.

''Management.''

''Just like my son'' she explained with a queer smile on her face. She put her smooth hand on Blair's knee as if they knew each other for years, instead of minutes. ''Did your parents advise you when you were choosing it?''

Blair smiled sadly, thinking how her parents couldn't tell a difference between management and philosophy. ''No, it was my choice.''

Evelyn lifted her eyebrows impressively and breathed in deeply, staring at the ceiling. ''I wanted my son to study architecture. I always thought it would look good on him.'' She frowned, ''But his father pressed him to study this, because of his job.''

Blair felt a pang of sympathy for her son. All of a sudden, she wished to know him. Maybe they'd get along. Pressure of parents was something she was familiar with. She imagined her future with anyone other than Chuck and suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

''Blair, are you on a diet?'' asked Evelyn with concern in her eyes. ''You haven't touched anything.''

''Food is delicious'' Blair shook her head and rose slowly. ''But you'll have to excuse me. I must be going now.''

At that moment, somebody entered the main doors and Chuck walked in the living room. He casually took off his coat and handed it to Marlene without a word. She stiffened as realization hit her.

_''Is that Charles?''_

_''My son is studying Management.''_

This was his _mother_.

Color rose to her cheeks as she met his eyes.

Chuck was the oppressed son?

This was his house and she was having tea with his mother?

Some strange energy passed between them and she suppressed a shudder. They were so close. It's been weeks since they were in the same room together. He looked good, as usual, but there was something in circles under his eyes and heaviness of lids that implied he probably was up last night and slept through the day.

''Charles'' Evelyn rose and motioned towards her, ''You know Blair.''

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. He glued his eyes from her and she felt oxygen go out the lungs into air. Her heart beat wildly, deafening the sounds in the room. She wanted to hear his voice. Blair kept daydreaming about their conversations, but the sound of his voice was slowly distorting, slipping away from her memory. She needed to hear it again, not to ever forget it.

''I was on a board meeting at Constance and lost my bracelet. Blair was so kind to return it to me.''

Chuck didn't say anything, he simply nodded, his lips tight. Evelyn smirked and Blair realized she _knew_. Evelyn didn't invite her for tea to say thank you, she must have known about her. That meant Chuck talked about _her_ to his mother. Something in her chest stirred at this thought and she gripped the sleeves of her Target shirt. She needed to get away.

''Thank you for the tea'' she heard herself say in surprisingly calm voice. ''But I _really_ must get going.''

''Charles will take you'' Evelyn quickly injected, looking at her son intently. Their eyes were the same; dark and slanted, close to eyebrows. Blair was an idiot for not connecting the dots earlier. She could have avoided all of this. ''Won't you, Charles?''

''No need, really -'' she breathed, panic overwhelming her at thought of them sitting together in small space.

''Oh, he will'' Evelyn said sternly, lines of her mouth set in small frown. ''He will drop you off and come have dinner with me. Instead of lunch, as he promised to do so today.''

''I insist'' she repeated for good measure. ''It was delight to have you, Blair. Maybe we can have lunch next time.''

Blair thought it would be impolite and foolish to reject a woman like Evelyn. So she simply nodded, and followed him out the doors, breathing rapidly. She was looking at back of his head and clutching her purse tightly. The urge to melt herself into him was stronger than ever. They were near his limo, none of them said a word. She dug her nails in skin, pain distracting from turmoil inside her chest. ''You don't have to do this.''

Chuck said nothing to acknowledge her, his face impassive. He merely opened the doors of the limo and walked to the other side, getting in.

Blair waited, her fingers numb and hot with panic. Limo evoked so many memories of them, it was like walking to the belly of the beast. They shared so many kissed here, caresses and stolen glances. It was like she was transported to back then, all of her buried feelings rose to surface and her chest bloomed with tenderness. She slid in, careful not to touch him. Blair's gaze flicked towards him just as he looked away from her.

They were acting like strangers.

She willed herself to calm down and remember the fact that he _knew_ nothing happened between her and Nate. What was she afraid of then? Of him begging her to forgive him or never bothering to talk to her ever again?

Still, she waited for him to say something. Space was filled with tension. Why won't he say something? Blair anxiously waited for him to look at her. She needed him to talk to her. Blair was ready to sacrifice herself to him. Her whole body ached for him. She was ready to defy her resolution and lose herself in his touch.

Chuck did nothing. They rode in painful silence to her block. Limo pulled up and she turned her head towards him. His profile struck her like a cannon ball. He had the charm of a fallen angel. His straight nose, his dark eyes and curved mouth formed a picture of broken beauty. He was so perfect it hurt her to look at him, like looking at the sun. Still, she did and she waited.

Nothing happened. Her heart broke all over again. He _knew_ nothing happened with Nate, he got back together with his best friend. What about her? Didn't he want to get back with her?

After the silence grew uncomfortable, she opened the doors and angrily got out. Tears welled in her eyes and for once, she let them flow. As she entered the house, spell seemed to break off. Blair looked at her clothes, her tiny apartment with windows that looked at people's feet. She helped mother with dinner and dad came back from collecting trash.

Her heart throbbed and bled. She trembled at what she had almost done in the limo, she was ready to let herself in Chuck's life. She was ready and he blew her off.

Blair bit her lip and swore to never allow herself such weakness again.

* * *

''I know that look'' pointed Evelyn, pausing to cut through stake. ''Your father often wears it. _I want to talk, but don't bother me because I'm not ready to_.''

''We're the ones that ruin everything, right?'' Chuck whispered slowly and let go of his fork. Bart cheated on Evelyn, Chuck did something worse to Blair. He didn't trust her, pushed her away and the last conversation struck him vividly. The words he spat at her while she cried to believe her, burned through him like acid and he had a problem gulping down his food. He fingered the edge of wine glass, his eyes distant. ''We don't talk or listen. Then all of a sudden, we want everything to be perfect.''

''Yes'' she nodded and cocked her head. Mother noticed there was tension between him and Blair. Hell, even Marlene asked if the girl survived the ride back home. ''But it all starts by wanting it to be perfect.''

Mother didn't remark anything about Blair, which he took as a good sign. He was stupefied when he saw them having tea together. Not even his twisted mind would be capable of imagining such scenario.

He fell in love with her all over again.

There was a pause where they resumed eating and it took a while for Chuck to finally admit what he'd been thinking all along. ''For the first time'' he said with thick voice, not used to talking about emotional stuff. Conversations were always superficial and shallow; with his friends, colleagues and even parents. Only Blair ever managed to get the softer side from him. Now, if he closed his eyes, he could imagine her there and it was easier to say the words. ''For the first time, I tried to win over somebody's heart. I hurt her while trying to do so.''

Evelyn dropped her utensil completely and stared at this side of son that she never saw before, drinking it in and absorbing it as if it was sunlight. She squeezed his hand and encouraged him to continue, something she'd never done before.

''I never cared about anything like this. I don't know what to do or how to fix it.''

He pondered the ride with her that day and shut his eyes in frustration. He should have talked to her. They were finally alone and her presence consumed him entirely. He should have told her that he missed her, but he couldn't bring herself to face her. Shame of his destructive nature still clung to him. Sins of his fathers were like a black stain that was impossible to get rid of. He was no shining knight.

He noticed her eyes boring into him the whole ride and he ignored her, too afraid to hurt her again. Afraid she was seeing only those sins.

He remembered the helicopter ride and wonder in her eyes as she looked at him. Her kisses, her small satisfied sighs on his skin.

He was an idiot. He should have talked to her. She was too important to him. Nothing else mattered, nobody else. That's why he was so hesitant to apologize. He was scared he'd ruin it all again. But he had to try, he had to win her back. Chuck rose hastily and dropped his napkin. ''Mother, I have to go.''

Evelyn nodded with understanding smile. ''Go get her.''

Chuck drove to her home. He got out of the limo and noticed Serena's cleaner in front of Blair's building. The cleaner seemed to notice him too. Her eyes widened and she scurried back in the building. After couple of minutes, Blair got out. He watched her small frame, doe like eyes and chocolate curls that cascaded down her slender shoulders. He thought about kissing the top of her head, tip of her nose and the crook of her neck.

Her eyes were defiant the moment she approached him and something in his mind screamed trouble. Despite the signs, he was determined to make things right again. He had been waiting too long.

''Why did you come?'' she asked with cold voice, her arms crossed.

Sun was setting behind them, casting an orange hue across her pale skin. Shadows fell across her eyes and she seemed tired, exhausted. ''I came to tell you what I couldn't before. I want to tell you only one thing-''

''I don't want to hear it'' she said briskly, holding up her hand. ''You should go.''

''I need you'' he urged, ignoring the way her words stung. He wanted to kiss her so badly, his hands clenched at his side. She was quiet, looking somewhere at the left of his head. ''Do you hear me? Blair, I want you. I want you back so much it hurts. I'm sorry, about everything. I was a fool-''

She was so still, he didn't know if she was breathing. His heart beat in anticipation. Wind ruffled her hair and stuck to her lips. She brushed it off, her hand trembling. ''Go away'' her voice was thick, yet the iciness of it didn't escape him. ''We're done.''

''Why?'' he asked with raspy voice, though the answer flashed in his mind. He was the one to blame. Sins of his fathers were like a dark matter in his body, coursing through veins, mixing with blood and poisoning it. She didn't want him anymore. ''Why?'' he asked again, more urgent and desperate. ''No, don't do this, Blair.''

Something glistened on her lower eyelash and she turned around to go. Fear gripped him at the thought of losing her and Chuck grabbed her arm in desperation to keep her close. Her skin was cold at the touch and all he wanted was to put her fingers in his pockets to warm them up. Tear slid off her cheek. He stiffened at the expression on her face. Broken.

It reminded him of that time when he was five and for the first and only time, he saw his mother cry. Evelyn cried because of Bart.

Chuck slowly let her go, the fact that it was him she was crying because, numbed him completely. Was he his father? Revulsion filled every nerve in him. He watched her go, her arms around her small waist.

Whole world crashed on his shoulders and he sank where all lost souls go - in the embrace of alcohol. He took his regular spot at the bar. Barmen didn't even wait for the order, he slid a glass of scotch to him. Despite being the middle of the week, Tropic was full. He drank glass by glass, downed memory by memory, kiss by kiss, laugh by laugh. Blair was all he had and he lost it. There was something foul in him that ruined every good thing he had.

His lips ached with her absence. He needed her. He needed her gentle touch, her small musical laugh. He needed her warmth.

Someone embraced his shoulder and strong perfume invaded his senses. Chuck looked up. A girl his age in short black dress smiled at him, her brown curls framing her oval face.

Blair had heart-shaped face. Blair's lips were full and luscious, not over-lined with red rouge. Memory of passionate kisses in his limo flashed and he found himself snaking his arm across the waist of this girl. She mumbled something in his ear, lightly biting his earlobe. He needed to feel warmth again.

They stumbled into the lobby of Bass penthouse and he leaned on the wall. Sometimes, he'd see Blair and she'd lean in to kiss him wearing that devilish smirk of hers. The kiss would be too sloppy, too rough and he'd open his eyes to find this stranger in his arms. He breathed out, unbuttoning his shirt. The girl dropped her purse on the small table and went to stand in front of lobby mirror. She grinned lazily to herself in the reflection and fixed her hair, admiring her own figure.

Vanity.

Flashback gripped his body and he saw Blair, looking herself in the mirror with horrifying expression. She tried to pull down her skirt and hide her cleavage. In agony of tears, she sank down on the floor and sobbed. He hugged her and carried her upstairs. Chuck watched her sleep all night.

A butterfly with gilded wings.

It was the night when everything went down. Shudder went through his body, sobering him up.

This girl, this stranger, turned towards him and he felt disgust. He let go of his shirt and pinched the bridge of his nose. What the hell was he doing?

''Get out'' he muttered and went to the bedroom with shoulders hunched, completely ignoring her stunned face. He buried his face in sateen pillow, trying to imagine Blair's scent there. Within minutes, he was asleep.

* * *

''Are you coming to class?'' Serena called in the morning while tapping her foot nervously. Chuck had been absent these past few days and it worried her. Nate was still mad at her so nobody was actually there, except Paige.

''What?'' he asked groggily, still drunk from last night, sprawled in his bed.

''It's exam week soon'' she scolded across phone, vaguely wondering if he even knew that.

''Serena'' Chuck sighed annoyed, ''Give me a break.''

He hung up. Serena groaned in irritation, shoving her phone in purse. At that time, approached Penelope with a scowl.

''Did you tell everyone I aborted?'' she demanded angrily.

''You're pretty rude for someone who got pregnant with a guy who doesn't give a crap about you'' she snapped, aware of the fact that she accidentally told Paige and Paige told everyone. Nevertheless, Penelope was last person on her mind to worry. Chuck and Nate came first but apparently, they both ignored her. The fact was a knife in her gut.

''Serena'' warned Nate and the knife twisted further. She gulped the bile in her throat at his face and how he completely kicked her out of life. How he completely ignored her pleas and crying.

''Here comes daddy'' she sneered.

''Serena'' he warned again and this time, his eyes were serious. Her instinct was to cower before him, hug him and bury her face in his shoulder. Not now. She couldn't forget the way he ignored her calls, the way they don't hang out anymore, the way they don't talk. It was like they were never even friends.

''What?'' she said with narrowed eyes. ''I'm bad and you're good? That's what you want to believe, right?''

She scoffed, thinking how she was the only one that lost both of her best friends and took the fall when everyone else had a part in it _and_ got to keep their friends. ''Didn't you two betray your friends? I didn't do anything by myself! Didn't you abandon Blair when that auditorium thing happened, Penelope?''

Penelope's eyes glued to the ground and Serena breathed in, gathering courage to meet Nate's eyes. ''And you, Nate? Didn't you hide that usb from Chuck?''

There was a dead silence, the sound of students bustling about around them. ''Why won't you answer? You can't.''

She looked at them with narrowed eyes ''I'm sick of being the main villain,'' and stormed off. Nate nodded, as if considering something that made him want to gag. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of personal IT.

''Hey, Michael, I was wondering... Can you retrieve delete data on computer? Can you come over then, tomorrow? Great, thanks man.''

* * *

Blair caught his eyes and picked up her step. Her shoes echoed in the hall and she knew he was following her. Elevator was not far away and for a moment, she thought she might succeed and avoid him. Blair got in and pressed third floor when he rushed in immediately after, doors closing behind them.

Chuck pressed the red button and her insides jolted as the lift stopped. The space was so small her coat sleeve brushed his side. His coral suit matched perfectly her coral coat, she realized with a roll of her eyes.

''Glad to see you're enjoying my presence'' he said, looking down at her.

''Move'' she glared at him, wanting to undo that red button without touching him. She wasn't able to get a wink of sleep that night. His confession kept replaying in her mind, along with Moon River song in the background.

''Make me'' he retorted, leaning on the wall and boldly staring at her.

God, he was so handsome. Ever since he came to see her, urge to kiss him pulsed like a fever through her. She gulped down the attraction to the challenge.

Blair sighed in annoyance and turned away from him, only to face a mirror across whole side of elevator. She pointedly stared at her own reflection, but couldn't escape his eyes even here. They haunted her, tempting her with promises of finest bliss a life could offer.

''Fine. Turn away from me'' he said with that husky voice of his, sending shivers down her spine. ''But I'm still here.''

Their eyes clashed in the reflection of the mirror and she looked away immediately. Butterflies in her stomach fluttered to life. It was almost impossible to resist him. Her voice was thick as she said, ''Don't do this.''

He approached closer, his breath on her neck. She closed her eyes, trying to hold on to the resolve.

Wait, what was that resolve again?

_He deserves better_, she repeated to herself. The words were now empty and broken and all that was left was longing for him.

''Tell me you feel nothing for me'' he whispered, his perfume filling the space they are in. She gulped down the desire to turn around and kiss him wildly. ''Tell me that and all will be over.''

Her mouth were dry, tongue rolling against her teeth.

''But tell me the truth'' he continues.

The truth? The truth was that she loved him. The truth was that she lied to him, ever since they met. The truth was that she was a mess. The truth was that she couldn't force herself to tell the truth and risk losing him completely. He'd never forgive her.

She opened her eyes and watched him draw in a shaky breath. ''Look, Blair...''

Her name on his lips was like a drop of honey. She relished in it and in the way his chest brushed against her back. She clutched the steel rail of the lift, cold against her hot skin.

''Push me away as hard as you will, but that still doesn't change anything.''

Their eyes met once again and the sparks filled their skin, setting the hearts on fire.

''I'll always be here for you'' he leaned in closer, his nose almost touching her cheek. She shut her eyes, her breath clouding the mirror. When she opened them again, he was gone. Her knees buckled and Blair sank down the floor, staring at the spot he just occupied. She breathed out unsteadily. If only she had his courage.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy holidays! Santa gives me permission to say that you've been VERY good this year! He is proud and pleased, and wants you to continue this in 2016 too. Therefore, you deserved this chapter! Enjoy my darlings xxx And for super super kid'os, he may have stored another chapter before new year's ;)

I just wanted to give shutout to guest that reviews '**update**' , every single chapter! Nothing else, nothing more. It's simple and makes me laugh every single time. You rock x


	22. Last Man Standing

**Chapter Twenty-two**

**Last Man Standing  
**

It was somewhere around dawn when he dropped on bed; unconscious and fully clothed. Stench of cigarettes and alcohol filled the spacious, but empty bedroom. This room used to be glorious temple of vices and desires. Now, it was a Pandora's box; full of demons and haunting ghosts of the past.

Heavy drapes were drawn like a Berlin wall against tall windows, shielding from morning light and any sign of life. He groaned as someone's voice broke the drowsy state, dreamless sleep shattering to pieces.

''Chuck!'' the voice was now full on seething with rage and annoyance.

He willed himself with great effort to open his eyes, only to be met with spinning ceiling. To shield himself from any further intrusion, he flung his arm over lids, moaning.

Something heavy hit him in the chin and he flinched, the sudden movement waking him from the daze. Last night's debauchery still surged through his body, making him very close to throwing up all over his black sateen sheets.

He vaguely remembered Giovanni, his private Italian interior designer, of strongly suggesting he re-decorates his room. The suggestion was met with another strong counter-suggestion; that Giovanni goes and fucks himself.

Eventually, he succumbed to his artistic gay master-mind under one condition. That everything be changed, styled and textured, except the bed sheets.

''Wake up'' his father ordered, hovering over his bed like a looming shadow. Bald looming shadow. Chuck recoiled at the thought of himself losing hair in 40s. Genetic was a bitch. ''Look how proud you're making me.''

''What's going on?'' he grumbled, rolling over and opening the newspapers that lay on his chest. The crunching sound of pages turning terrorized his hearing and he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose.

''Homeless heir'' Chuck murmured disinterestedly, reading the colossal title. He admired his slumbering face in the picture for a moment, before he threw the papers on the floor and went back to the comforting lethargy. His stomach growled uncomfortably. The paparazzi caught him sleeping in his new car. He got new BMW and went to for a cruise to New Jersey. He couldn't ignore the new habit of drinking himself to sleep so he pulled over by the sea and took a nap in the car. A 4 hour nap.

Who the hell would think anything remotely interesting could happen in New Jersey?

''You idiot'' his father bellowed. ''Your mother's been calling me all morning! All morning she's been nagging me, asking if I kicked you out of the house!? If we had a fight?! Look what you've done!''

''I'll talk to mom'' he replied boredly, turning back and slowly starting to snore again.

''They called me before publishing this'' Bart provoked, not letting the matter go. ''I let them do it. I thought maybe you'll come to your senses. But look at you! You couldn't care less!''

Chuck sighed in annoyance and looked back squarely at his father, leaning on his elbows. ''Are you finished?''

There was a prolonged moment of silence, where only Bart's labored breathing could be heard. His eyes flashed dangerously. ''Are you fuckin' kidding me?''

Chuck slowly got up from the bed, looking his father straight in the eyes. ''Since when did great Bart Bass start to take page six seriously?''

Small twitch of the mouth proved the man with him was startled by the sudden opposition. He was put off, but only by a millisecond. ''Since I saw what state you're in at that picture!''

''And what state is that, precisely?'' asked Chuck with contrasted tone of voice; very cool, very calm, very collected. The surface was smooth, but the matter underneath boiled with years of resentment and need for something greater than materialistic goods. Something greater than shallow conversations, offhand comments and unbearable small talk. Something he only got to find out recently. A tenderness that Blair had awoken. A need to be loved.

And was he shocked to see what had he been missing all of his pathetic life. Chuck was outraged to find closest people had cut him of that momentum; the only one he ever needed. His eyes narrowed as he spoke. ''Am I that different than you? What have you ever given me? Only my nickname; _the heir_. What else? What have you given me in my twenty years of life?''

''Look around yourself'' barked Bart, quite flabbergasted. He never exchanged more than few casual sentenced with his son. He was used to his boyish spite and arrogance that followed name of Bass. But this was not spite, this was not arrogance. This was a true feeling emitting from his very own offspring. The enigma that terrified Bart. ''Look at your life, your custom-made suits, look at your car that you were drunk in!''

''Is that all?'' Chuck cocked his head, fumbling for something in pocket. He fished out car keys and threw them in father's lap. ''There! I'll give you back everything you have given me!''

''Don't you dare be disrespectful! You won't get away with this show!''

Chuck's face formed into a scowl. A show. That's what his father thought this was. Just another cry for attention, just another wail of mouth to be shut with silver spoon. He approached Bart, speaking quietly, his heart throbbing with pain that's been there for so long it became part of his being. ''You know what? When I was little...'' he inhaled deeply and looked his father in the eyes. ''Whenever I'd miss you, I'd grab a magazine to look at your pictures.''

''Mom used to give them to me because I would refuse to eat since you weren't there. Just because I missed you.''

He clenched his jaw, willing himself to go on. The wave turned to tsunami and the room was flooded with whirlwind of memories. ''That woman you cheated on mom with... I had to call _auntie._ Every time I'd come to your house, there was new auntie!''

''When did mom divorce you?'' he demanded, his voice slightly breaking. Chuck clenched his fists, raising his voice, ''When!?''

''Chuck...'' Bart whispered, looking at his son as if seeing him for the first time.

''Five!'' he spat, spreading his arms wide. ''I was five! We came back from the vacation _you_ sent us to because it was Father's day. _I_ wanted to come back!''

The ominous tension filled every crack and the corner. Air reeked of desperation and repressed thoughts, actions, words.

''I had a gift for you.'' Tears stung at the back of his eyes, but he continued, submersed in vividness and life of his emotions. Except for Blair, never had anyone come close to recognizing them, to admitting them, to loving them. Everyone always dismissed him as heartless playboy, reckless son, wild rich brat. ''Look, it's still here.''

He angrily walked across the room and pulled a handsome mahogany box out of the shelf. He shoved everything from the desk, glass breaking on the floor, and put it there. Kicking the lid aside, he pulled an old yellowed paper with a drawing. The rest of the box was filled with relics of the past.

The drawing was done with watercolors, by a carefree child hand. It depicted mother, father and a son. Sun shone upon them and they stood on layer of green grass. Chuck looked at it for a moment and quickly wiped a tear, before turning back to his father. ''Look what I made you! I wanted to give you this. I wanted a real family, like the one on the drawing. Everyone has a right to a family, right father?''

Bart looked at the paper with unreadable face. His mouth was still set in that grotesque twitch.

''If you only knew how happy I was! Until I opened the damn doors... How excited I was until mom saw you with that... With that...''

He remembered the one and only time he saw his mother cry and couldn't say anything anymore. Chuck shoved the paper in Bart's chest and sat back on his bed, staring at the wall, breathing heavily.

Bart stood frozen for few moments, his eyes drilling at the drawing. Slowly, he approached his son and put a hand on his shoulder in that unfamiliar, alien way. ''If you only knew what I had to do not to lose you.''

''I blamed myself for years'' Chuck whispered with raspy voice, his eyes red. ''I wish I didn't mention Father's day. I wish I didn't draw that picture. I wish I never insisted on going back home early.''

He looked at the hand on his shoulder with knotted brows. ''My parents wouldn't get divorced.''

''I tried...'' Bart spoke, his voice still hinting at that coldness that it always did. ''But your mother was difficult.''

''I did everything I could to get you back'' he finally said, setting the paper down.

''Yeah'' Chuck muttered, brushing father's hand off his shoulder. His father was a womanizer, a terrible parent. All of Chuck's friends looked up to Bart, worshiping him as a God. But nobody asked if he was a good parent?

Because nobody cared. Nobody cared that Bart would rather spend his leisure time having sex with strangers than with his son.

After the divorce, Chuck needed a father. He didn't need a wing-man.

''Yeah, but it wasn't enough.'' He got up and grabbed his phone, getting out the doors.

''Chuck'' Bart called after him. ''Wait.''

''What's going on?'' an unfamiliar girl just slightly older than Chuck got out of Bart's room and intercepted Chuck's way. She was dressed in red lingerie that barely covered any skin. ''Why are you guys fighting?''

Chuck looked at her in disgust and then at his father, as if proving a point. He looked at him and mentally threw sins of his past, present and future in his face.

_I am the way I am because of you_, Chuck's glare accused.

Bart glanced at the floor, unable to meet his son's eyes.

Chuck hailed a cab and drove straight to Nate's apartment. They didn't talk much. Nate understood everything without a single word being said. There was a mental bond between them that rarely two friends shared. Chuck took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. They drove together to class, talking about nothing that would matter in 2 minutes, 2 days or 2 decades.

Slumber and tiredness hung to the edge of his mind. The outburst today drained him mentally and he finally faced the truth. The terrible haunting truth that he was unloved by those that mattered the most.

''So you two are coming to class together now?'' Serena noticed brusquely as they exited the limo. Her stance was defensive, but the hurt in eyes was obvious.

The tension between trio only seemed to increase. Nate scorned Serena, Chuck ignored her and Serena only wanted them to be like they used to before. Before Blair.

''I'm staying at Nate's for a while'' responded Chuck gloomily.

''How nice'' she muttered bitterly as they passed her without another glance. She stared at their retreating figure until they disappeared.

* * *

Blair sighed in frustration as the girl opposite chewed gum with open mouth. The sound grated her nerves. She kicked her heel against the tiles, Prada shoes that earned her part-time job at Millennium hotel still not used to her feet. They made them sore, her ankles aching with weight. Lounge room was bit more crowded than usual, but still desolate enough for tutoring.

''Let me repeat myself'' she gritted through her teeth, pointing at the messy scribble. ''For the fifth time. What you did here with the equation and the diagram you drew in true Picasso style-''

''Thanks'' she giggled, grinning like a fool.

''That wasn't a compliment. Anyway, it doesn't match.''

Girl obnoxiously popped the bubble gum, her left eyebrow raised. ''Is it true that Chuck Bass wears his scarf to bed?''

Blair closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She was very close to shoving the gum down her throat. ''What?''

''You know'' the silly idiot had the nerve to wink. ''Is he as good as they say he is?''

Blair completely ignored the question, frustration sizzling under the skin.

''See it like this. Equation is the sequin shirt you're wearing right now and diagram is hideous leopard skin tights you have on. Hell would have to freeze over, Donald Trump would win the elections and _fetch _would become a thing before it begins to match!''

''Ugh'' the girl articulated, offended and slightly terrified of tutor's crazy eyes. She hastily grabbed the notes and ran out of the room.

''This is the last time I'm tutoring morons for extra credit'' Blair muttered, shoving Business Law book into her purse. Suddenly, her eye caught the devil himself. Chuck was sleeping in one of the booths, head rested against the wall, legs sprawled over the couch. Sure enough, his scarf hung on his neck.

Heart stuck in her throat and mellow warmth spread over her body.

He looked so peaceful.

But why was he sleeping in the middle of the day? What has been happening in his life? Was he okay?

Moments ticked by as she stared at fine lines of his face, secretly admiring them. He snapped his eyes open and their gazes met.

Blair quickly bent her head down and busied herself with notes in front, scribbling little waves to pretend she was writing something.

''Were you just watching me sleep?'' he asked with husky voice as he approached, sliding in seat next to her. Their thighs touched and she immediately scooted away from his body. ''That is kind of a turn on.''

''And you drooling is a turn off.''

Chuck moaned, biting his bottom lip. ''I love it when you talk dirty to me.''

''Go to hell, Chuck'' she spat with the sweetest of her faux smiles. They shared a look between them than no great scientist could decipher. Flustered by his proximity, Blair picked up her notes and left the table. She secretly smirked at her little victory, but not for long. Every step brought a new wave of pain, Prada shoes cramping her feet. At one point, her ankle twisted and she fell, landing hard on the stair that led up to the ground floor.

''Are you okay?'' Chuck was instantly by her side, all playfulness gone.

''I don't know'' she squealed, holding her burning ankle. ''It hurts.''

''Let me take a look'' he demanded, crouching next to her and tentatively caressing skin through the fabric of the stocking with his fingers. She hissed at the contact, half in pleasure and half in pain. Blair slapped his hand away.

''No, thanks Meredith Grey!''

''That's it'' Chuck said firmly, his eyes determined. ''I'm taking you to the hospital.''

''What-''

Whatever else she had to say, died on her lips. He took her in his arms and carried her small, aching body through the campus towards outside gates.

''What are you doing!? Stop it!''

Her protests were fruitless. He ignored them and even went so far to roll his eyes when she threatened with murder. Disbelieving gapes of the fellow students followed their grand exit. He was making a scene, she knew it. He was making a declaration, but the gist of it escaped Blair.

''Chuck Bass, put me down! This instant!''

Their bodies were so close. His arms were strong, tightly holding her in place. She held his neck for support, furiously staring at his profile.

Out in the street, Chuck lowered her down to get her in the car.

''Absolutely not'' she spat indignantly, but still held to his shoulder for support. ''I'm not going anywhere.''

''Blair'' he held her jaw with his fingers. ''Get in. You're going to see a doctor.''

''I don't want to!'' she bellowed, slapping away his hand.

He narrowed his eyes at her, enunciating every word with dangerous tone. ''Get. In.''

She bit her cheek and sighed in defeat. He wasn't giving up. There was no fighting him. With his help, Blair got in the cab.

* * *

Here she was, lying on the comfortable private hospital bed in sterilized room with fake plants, as if she was a rich coma patient. Bass family had a private suite here (what a shocker) along with mini bar and a huge plasma TV that played cowboy movies. She snatched the remote control and turned off the TV, irritated by the sound of gunfire.

''I was watching that'' Chuck accused, mini bottle of scotch in his hands. He turned to look at her, his usually sleek hair - messy and unbearably sexy.

''You're crazy'' Blair sulked, crossing hands over her chest in defiance. She was wasting her time here because of him, missing important classes. The worst thing of all, she was in enclosed space with Chuck and it made her fidget, twitch and gag all at once.

Very slowly, he approached the bed, looking right into the depths of her soul. ''You're the one driving me crazy.''

She threw him one of her infamous glares and looked away. ''Stupid.''

Chuck sighed, setting the bottle down and leaned into her. He put an arm on the pillow over her head and as she looked back at him, their noses almost touched. The effect was immediate. His warmth spread from his body, transfixing her in spot. All she could do was stare at his onyx eyes and get lost in the power they emitted.

''Do you know what's really stupid?'' she inhaled his minty breath as he spoke and her head spun.

''Things that happened to us are stupid'' he whispered, gently brushing away her hair. ''Things that we do are stupid.''

''You leaving me was stupid'' he finally uttered the words with closed eyes, grazing his nose across her cheek. Her heart pounded, skin melting under his touch. He leaned back slightly to look at her and she fluttered her eyelashes, dazed and wanting more.

''Why did you leave me?'' he asked so quietly she barely heard him. There was infinite pain in his eyes and all she wanted to do was relieve him of it. Her soul ached for his soul, her heart beating for his heart.

Blair parted her mouth and leaned in, pressing her hot lips to his. Chuck wasted no time in responding back. They barely kissed when doctor entered. She pulled away immediately.

''Good day'' he greeted, walking in while staring at the sheet in hands. Nurse trailed in after and Blair noticed the hungry way she eyed Chuck.

The devil himself cleared his throat and leaned away from her bed.

''So you tripped on the stairs, young lady?''

''Yes'' she affirmed, sensing the cold absence of his warmth. ''I was running away from him.''

The hospital staff looked at Chuck with raised eyebrows.

''She couldn't resist my charm'' he smoothly explained, cocking his head and looking at the nurse. ''Fight or flee, if you know what I mean.''

Blair elbowed him hard in the ribs and he groaned. She pursed her lips, throwing daggers at the nurse who giggled like an idiot.

''I'll move your foot from left to right'' doctor declared and she yelped in pain as he did. Her hand grasped Chuck's as if it had a mind of it's own. Their fingers intertwined and she felt him squeeze. The movement eased the pain and she felt herself relaxing. He protectively put a hand around her shoulders.

Nurse's grin fell and Blair bit down a smile.

''It hurts?'' doctor asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of nose. ''That's alright.''

Blair couldn't agree with him more.

After bandaging the foot and prescribing some painkillers, they wheeled her to the taxi as if she lost both of her legs and an arm.

''This is ridiculous'' she muttered, her arms still crossed at the chest. ''I can still walk.''

Chuck pushed her wheelchair with smirk on his face, whistling a happy tune. ''I stole stethoscope from that doctor so we can role play.''

''What?'' she blurted, her cheeks tinged with blush.

''Don't worry, I'll wait until you get better.''

''You're heinous'' she charged, fed up with the day and mix of her emotions. They were in front of the hospital now and taxi awaited them. Chuck helped her up from the wheelchair, gingerly holding her elbow and ushered her in. They drove in silence, each of them contemplating what just happened. Chuck was alighted with hope. Blair was crushed with it.

Her chest was full of butterflies of ecstasy. She kissed him. It was a small, ghost of a kiss but it brought on so much of what she thought was slumbering. They were talking to each other. They were joking. They were acting like nothing happened in the past month.

Except, everything happened and it couldn't be erased. Cloud settled low over her brow.

''Do you mind if I stop by to get a gas?'' driver asked, looking at them in rear view mirror.

''Not at all'' Chuck responded with some note of relief.

The driver stopped and got out of car. They were left alone.

Silence was filled with whispers of the past that reverberated across stained glass, brown worn-out leather and their bodies. Blair pointedly stared out the window, determined to ignore whatever he had to say. She sensed him leaning in, his warmth and the musky perfume lulling her into sweet haze. He was a temptation that she had to resist with all of her might.

''I've missed you'' he quietly said, his breath tingling the spot on her neck. All playfulness gone, he was serious and longing filled his voice. She shut her eyes, fighting with the urge to turn back and kiss him again. He was practically begging for it, leaning his chin on her shoulder. Blair forced herself to replay the past and the burden of the lies spilled over her soul, drowning every promise of a good life.

He deserved better. She wasn't going to lie to him anymore. The lies would leave a scar forever. Rejected kiss would be like a bite of a mosquito. He'd get over her soon and find someone else, however blindingly painful that fact was.

''Chuck'' she mumbled, fingers digging into her skin. She hated doing this. She hated rejecting him when every fiber of her being ached for him. ''It's over.''

''What is over?'' She hated hurting him. And by the tremor in his voice, she hurt him. ''Love?''

''There was never love involved'' she declared with finality, still staring out the window. It would be easier for him if he thought she didn't love him. Because what justification she could give him for her lies? They had built a dream upon the pile of lies and deceits.

Chuck stood motionless for few moments. She waited for a driver to come back, but the man seemed to take ages. Did he go for a gas in Africa?

''I don't believe you'' Chuck said with impassive tone of voice and she could hear the sound of walls going up. This was the reaction of her action. Without any other word, he got out of the cab and walked away.

Blair finally released a breath she didn't know she was holding. A driver finally came back and she slid into the numbness that grew like a moss around her body when Chuck was gone.

* * *

''C'mon man'' Nate implored his best friend while butting up his blue shirt that matched his eyes. ''I've been begging you for two hours. Let's go out.''

''I'm not going'' Chuck drawled, not taking his eye off the screen. He sat on the couch, dejectedly flipping through channels.

''I can't believe I have to beg Chuck Bass to go out. This is unheard of!''

''You can go alone.''

''Alone?'' Nate repeated dumbfounded. ''Are you serious?''

''Don't insist'' his best friend warned and the topic was closed like that.

Nate sensed something else has happened, something worse than fight with Bart. Chuck didn't open the subject, so he didn't press. Blond man shrugged his shoulders, muttered something incoherent and grabbed his keys.

Chuck heaved a sigh as Nate left and filled up a glass of scotch, last bottle drained. Nate seriously needed to re-supply his stack of alcohol. How cruel of him to leave him here without a drop of this magic liquor?

His father called today to ask him to go back home. Chuck was surprised, to say the least, and said he'll think about it. Of'course he'd come back, but his bedroom was currently a vortex of painful memories which he wished to avoid at all cost.

Blair kissed him today and it was like a drop of water after centuries of thirst. He thought they set things right. It felt so good to talk to her, to playfully bicker. But it has all been a dream that evaporated with a flick of her wrist.

But still, it happened and he found comfort in that. He would wallow in self pity today, but he would never give up on her. Tomorrow was full of promises.

He shuffled Nate's DVD collection in boredom. It was terrible. All sappy movies and terrible horrors. He flung himself back on couch and started his best friend's laptop.

It required password for access.

Chuck rubbed his hands together. This should be easy.

ILOVEMYHAIR

Wrong.

He scratched his chin, thinking.

LACROSSESQUADUES

Wrong.

BLONDBOYSRULE

Wrong.

He groaned in frustration when an idea occurred to him.

SERENATE4EVER

Correct.

Chuck shook his head in second-hand embarrassment. Display turned on and a picture of Serena, Nate and him colored the screen. It seemed Nate really did miss Serena, despite the cold shoulder he was giving her these days. A folder named **Forbidden **immediately caught his attention and he silently snickered. Finally, Nate's porn. Chuck was beginning to think he was irreparably vanilla. Maybe he had some spicy home-made videos.

Chuck clicked on the icon. There was only one video there. He started it.

Surprisingly, there was no porn. The movie started with Serena dancing, flashing her brilliant smile. She hung on someone's arm and he recognized himself.

Did he always look this brooding when sober?

They were in Tropic club and Chuck realized this was Nate's movie project for that ridiculous subject. He relaxed and watched it, overcome with sudden burst of nostalgia.

* * *

Nate came back to his flat, freshly purchased bottle of scotch in hands. He never seriously wanted to go out without his best friend, especially since he seemed to be in one of his worse moods.

''I got the goods'' Nate cheered as he walked into an empty living room. ''Chuck?''

There was no answer. He noticed half-finished glass of scotch on the table. Something must have happened. Chuck never let a drop of this amber liquid go to waste. Blond man approached the couch and saw his laptop on. Dread coursed through his body as all of his nightmares came to life. The movie was paused on the scene when Serena drugged Blair.

Chuck must have watched it. Nate cursed, dropping bottle on the table and running to his car.

He tried to reach Serena's phone, but to no avail. Tires screeched to a halt in front of Wan Der Woodsen house. His heart constricted at her crying form, kneeling down and clutching Chuck's hand. It was cold outside and she was in a skimpy dress. She must have been getting ready to go out. He froze at the desperation in her voice.

''I beg you'' she sobbed, pulling Chuck's hand as he tried to get away. ''Forgive me! Don't go! I'll apologize to Blair!''

''Serena'' Chuck seethed, snatching his hand from her grasp. His eyes were feral, looking at her in disgust. ''Stay away from me! Stay away from Blair!''

''Chuck, please!'' the fallen figure sobbed, her mascara smeared all the way across her cheeks. ''I'll do anything you say! Don't leave me too!''

Something in Nate cracked and he jumped to her aid, helping her up from the floor. She trembled in his arms, screaming for Chuck as he walked away.

Nate brushed her tears and she looked at him, her face turning thoughtful. ''You did this...'' she murmured, leaning away. ''This is all your fault.''

''Serena'' he spoke softly, his brows knotted. He felt like shit. If he wasn't hung up to spiting his grandfather and taking up that project, this would have never happened. Now she thought he showed the movie to Chuck. He would never be that angry to hurt her, how could she not see that?

''I hate you, Nate!'' she screamed, pushing him away. Ice in her eyes chilled him to the bone. ''I hate you!''

He watched her run back into the building, sobbing and slamming the doors behind her. His fingers were still wet with her tears. His chest ached, but the damage has been done. With a great effort, he turned away from the building and ran after the other protagonist. ''Chuck, wait!''

Chuck turned around, that wild look still in his eyes. ''I saw everything! That drug... it was Serena's trap. Blair didn't do anything.''

''Once again, she was innocent.'' He pulled on his hair and shut his eyes. ''But of'course... You already know this. You taped this. It was on your laptop.'''

Nate looked down on the floor, his face broken into grimace of sadness. ''I couldn't tell you anything. I couldn't. ''

''Of'course you couldn't'' he angrily shoved his best friend hard and Nate let him. ''Because of Serena! You were protecting her!''

''What about me?'' Chuck grabbed lapels of his coat and yelled into his face. ''What about the stuff I did to Blair?''

''I'm sorry, Chuck'' Nate said, his voice breaking. His eyes pooled with tears as the realization that he hurt everyone hit him. He hurt Blair, he hurt Chuck, and most importantly - he destroyed Serena. ''I'm so sorry. I fucked up everything.''

The regret in his best friend's voice got to misery in his broken heart and they interlaced together. Nate loved Serena, just like he loved Blair. Would he do the same if the Blair was a culprit? Wave of emotions once again flooded his body and Chuck suddenly buried his head in Nate's shoulder. The pain was unbearable. He couldn't take it anymore. It ate him from inside out.

''I didn't want to hurt anyone'' rasped Nate, hugging him back after a small surprised pause. ''I swear.''

''I know'' responded Chuck, nodding. He was tired of people hurting him, hurting each other. He was tired of fighting. ''I know.''

Two best friends embraced each other; sharing pain, sharing love.

* * *

**A/N: **AWWWWWWWW

Our poor baby Chuck ))))))))))):

First of all, sorry for late update. Life got me in a tight fist! If anyone has a job for me, send me a PM haha life is cruel ):

Anyway, back to the important stuff. Things are getting complicated, my fellow fans. Chuck found out the secret and realized that Blair is innocent of every crime (LOL AS IF), Blair is determined in pushing him out (BC SHE IS THE GUILTIEST ONE), Serena is kicked out of BigBrother house by fair nomination score and Nate is too busy making up new pass for his laptop...It might take ages.

Next chapter is make it or break it one.

So, the thing is... We are at the crossroad(not that stupid movie with Britney Spears). There are 2 paths... And it is up to you to choose.

Do we wrap this up soon OOOOOOOOOOOR do we make a whole book or two out of this?! And believe me, I have so many plots and scenes in my sleeve. Very unpredictable and intense (and also A LOT of Chair everything; angst, fluff, proposals AHEM). Anyway, let me know your opinion in review :)

Hugs and Kisses and Paycheck Bonuses !


	23. Runaway's havoc

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**Runaway's havoc**

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.  
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

''This project'' announced professor Martha, turning off the projector to conclude lecture, ''is to be done with upperclassmen.''

Oddly large number of the girls giggled and ooh-ed, evoking an eye roll from stern professor. ''It is not to be taken lightly. As freshmen, you have so much potential to be bent and shaped into an ability to strive and conquer. Constance University is a century old institution that produces only best of the best. Rise to the occasion. You'll find list with the name of the partners on the board in the hallway. Best project gets a nod from the well known Manhattan Management &amp; Entrepreneur society. Good luck.''

Excited murmur filled the large classroom. MME never did any collaboration with schools or universities. They sought out skilled professionals, not fresh academics. Blair squirmed in her seat, already pumped for it. The chance to prove herself was here. With determination in her step, she pushed her way out of the room.

''Blair Waldorf?'' asked a lankly looking guy few minutes later, pushing up his glasses with index finger. He adjusted his messenger bag and stretched his hand out. ''I'm Richard Spencer, your new partner.''

Blair tore away her gaze from the pinned sheet with two rows of names and eyed the bag with distasteful, but approving look. It had familiar checkers and a small LV sign. An ugly, but high quality pricey bag. The careless, but expensive outfit and abused bag of books was nothing but a good sign in Constance. It meant the student was a hard-worker, despite coming from money. This was someone who could definitely contribute. She firmly shook his hand, ''Nice to meet you Richard Spencer. Tell me, when do you want to start?''

''Straight to business, eh? Glad to hear that! Erm, you can stop by the Management club later, I'm the president and we'll see what to do from there. Is that okay with you?''

Her smile broadened. A president of Management club, very impressive. Something she'd have to run for next year, since freshmen were excluded from that activity. School wanted them to focus on curriculum and understand their own means before committing to other activities. Maybe this guy would be worth keeping around, until he became a rival. Keep your friends close and enemies closer, as the saying goes. ''Works fine with me. I'll stop by after class. See you later, Richard.''

Her new partner smiled crookedly and watched her leave with a surprised and appraising eye. All of a sudden, someone roughly grabbed his shoulder and pulled him aside.

* * *

Blair smoothed down any invisible wrinkles on her pepita skirt. She had a break between classes and was too excited to get started on this. Cheerfully entering the empty Management quarters, she set her purse on one of the tables. Richard was nowhere to be seen. Was he running late? She should have asked for his number.

A slam of doors pulled her out of train of thoughts and with most undescribable of shocks, she noticed the man leaning on the door frame.

''You?'' Blair seethed with narrowed eyes. ''You're-''

''Your project partner'' Chuck finished smugly, spreading his arms in that manner that evoked either a roll of the eyes or an applause. Blair chose former option. He sauntered towards her, holding the eye contact, and sat on the edge of the table. With mild curiosity, he picked up her notebook and started examining it more closely. ''No need to look so delighted. Please, hold your enthusiasm for the bedroom.''

She grabbed the item out of his hands, very much aware there were some embarrassing Blair Bass doodles somewhere in there. ''What did you do to Richard? Ran him over with your limo?''

''Richard'' he spat the name out as if it was something nasty, ''was assigned a new partner. ''

They stared at each other; one livid, other smug. What was he doing? She really needed this project. It wasn't one of their games, it couldn't be. It was supposed to be her chance for success and secretly, a distraction. A distraction from her love life. Or lack of thereof, to be more precise. She was adamant in pushing him out of her life and starting over, as a punishment for her lies and deceits.

Finally, Blair succumbed, not having strength to resist him further, and turned out to leave the room. The doors were locked. She froze, remembering the time they were locked in auditorium. As was always the case when Chuck was around, a wave of emotions overwhelmed her.

''Why don't you answer my calls?'' he asked quietly, opening Project props and skimming through instructions. He flipped the pages loudly, one by one.

''Chuck'' she said through gritted teeth, clutching the knob with maximum strength. She couldn't stand to be close to him. Her body would eventually betray her, like that last time at the hospital when she kissed him. Thankfully, he didn't mention that. ''Let me out.''

''What if I was dying? What if I needed some money?''

''Oh, please'' she couldn't help but to retort and turned around to face him. ''Like you would ever need cash. Except maybe something smaller than thousand dollar bill. Besides," she added with some dose of bitterness. "Call Nate. Or Serena. She'd come running."'

Chuck's face turned serious and he looked at her in a way that made hair on her neck stand upright. ''We need to talk. It's urgent.''

''Great. Have fun talking to yourself. I have project to do, not your therapy session.'' She shook the knob in frustration and kicked the doors for a good measure. He must be joking. Was he to keep her prisoner? She could hear his steps and feel the warmth radiating from his body as he got close. He didn't touch her. Blair didn't know if she was grateful for it, or thoroughly annoyed.

"Let's make a bargain" he whispered, his breath on her neck. She shut her eyes firmly, her pulse picking up pace. "I'll help you with this project and you'll spare me five minutes of your time."

She held her breath and stood still. Could she do it?

An itch built up somewhere at the back of head. Chuck Bass would not be bad project partner, if committed to it. Besides, she was Blair Waldorf. She could handle someone like him.

What she actually wanted was chance to be close to him without uttering any more lies.

Slowly turning around, she faced him. On closer examination, Blair noticed something was definitely different about him. His posture wasn't as straight, eyes were dark and pleading. Even his cocky humor was off beat.

''Under one condition.''

''Anything'' he blurted out in relief and in spur of the moment, put his hand on her waist.

That one small gesture was enough to put her skin on fire. The ache for him was fueled and filled every nerve of her body. Flustered and shaken, against her instinct, she slapped his hand away and marched past him to the seat. ''No touching.''

Blair sat down and opened the book with shaky fingers, waiting for him to join. It took him some time, but eventually he sat opposite of her and by then, her hands were calm. They worked on their project with averted gazes and each of them very careful not to touch each other. Finally, when the hour was close to the end, Chuck spoke.

''I have a lot to explain.''

Blair put her notebooks back in purse and looked up with wide eyes. ''You were serious about that talk?!''

Chuck pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. ''Everything that we've been through, everything that has happened... It's all my fault.''

Blair chuckled humorlessly and zipped up the bag. ''Bass, April fools is weeks away.''

''Blair'' he spoke with tight voice, settling his hand over hers to gain her attention. Electric energy pulsed from her hand, through arm, all the way into the racing heart. She pulled back immediately, her eyes wary. "I said no touching."

She pressed her hands between thighs to stop them from shaking. Why did she have to be this weak? Why couldn't she get over him?

"I'm sorry" he briskly replied, cracking his knuckles.

Former lovers, now mere strangers.

What was happening? Chuck was never this serious. He clenched his jaw, clearly upset by something and cleared his throat. ''I'm sorry for a lot of things. It all began that night when you were at my place. I didn't believe you. I hurt you.''

Blair stood frozen, staring at his haunted face with a scowl. ''I told you I didn't want to talk about that night. Ever.''

She remembered his words too perfectly. She remembered how she begged him to believe her, to hear her out. Chuck refused to believe someone slipped her drugs. He scoffed at her pleads and explanations. She remembered the pain too clearly. Her fists clenched between legs.

''Those drugs...'' he whispered, his eyes intense with darkness she shuddered at. ''It was Serena's trap. She set you up.''

The shock wasn't that great, but his following words cut her like a knife.

''I've watched it all. Nate taped it for his media project and I've watched it. I've seen it all.''

So, Nate knew. Serena knew. Now Chuck knew too.

_Trash_, mother's words rang through the void between expectations and reality. _You'll be trash to them._

It was like their twisted inside joke. They all pretended to be her friends. She looked away and grit her teeth. Trust fund babies. Golden circle of predators. Games and lies. She was sick of it.

But then again, she was no different.

''I know you're innocent'' Chuck continued hurriedly, getting up to sit on a seat next to her. He leaned closer, his eyebrows scrunched up, ''I should have trusted you. I'm sorry. I know you don't trust me now, but what if-''

''No'' she cut him short and got up. She was far from innocent and the word was like a grate against her skin. Colorful glittering feathers were someone else's and she refused to put them on her tail. ''No 'what if's. What happened - happened. It's over now.''

Blair looked down at his shocked face. She knew she was being cruel, but it was necessary. Chuck Bass needed to be pushed away. ''You said what you have to say, now please open the doors.''

Chuck's face fell. "But that kiss at the hospital..."

"Meant nothing" she finished looking away from him, her nails digging in skin.

The sound of the walls was louder than ever; breaking through solid ground, growing so high it clouded the sun. An urge to fall down on her knees and put her head on his lap clawed at her; demanding release. She swallowed down the painful notion and followed him to the doors.

Chuck unlocked them and without looking at her, said in deadpan voice "I'm done. I'm not running after you anymore."

Blair couldn't get out of that room fast enough. She felt cold. She felt miserable. His words echoed in her head and few months ago, she would have probably cried. Today, tears were nowhere to be seen. The river was dry, sun scorched the empty riverbed like a lava.

Serena set her up? No shit, dumbo. Nate came as a surprise. She didn't see that one coming. Despite everything, she felt more indifferent towards them. She couldn't bring herself to care anymore. There were times she used to want to be like them and those times were gone. All of her lies suddenly seemed pointless and stupid.

Blair turned around to see if Chuck was still leaning on the doors, but he wasn't there anymore. Something in her guts twisted and turned. Walking down the hallway, she spotted Serena.

Blair calmly walked past the golden girl who gazed at her with tight lips.

''Blair'' Serena called out, catching up. For Van Der Woodsen standards, she looked horrible. Her clothes were thrown on carelessly, her make-up free face worn out with exhaustion. With an apathetic feeling, Blair noticed she had been crying recently. ''Well? Do it. Won't you get angry with me? Won't you yell at me?''

Serena shifted her foot restlessly at the ominous silence, her eyes nervously glancing around. ''Won't you humiliate me in front of everyone? Do it.''

Blair cocked her head, observing her. ''You're pathetic. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole.'' Serena paled, her face turning into grotesque picture of a guilty madman.

Blair sighed in annoyance and exhaustion. ''You couldn't do it any other way, could you?'' she asked, raising her eyebrow. ''You couldn't deal with me unless you schemed, drugged me, put me in danger?''

Serena looked down, her lower lip quivering.

''Don't worry'' added Blair with sardonic smile. ''I don't care anymore. You wanted Chuck's attention? He's all yours now.''

With an icy glance, she left. Despite the cool exterior, Blair had the urge to throw up all over the marbled floor. She didn't care about TFB, but she cared about Chuck. Yes, she adored him and had to give him up. The decision has been made long ago. Actually, Blair never even had him to begin with. The false Blair had him. The rich Blair with expensive clothes had him.

Outside, on the courtyard, Blair locked eyes with Richard Spencer. The guy squeaked and ran away.

Next few days were as weird as ever. Serena disappeared and nobody knew where she was. Nate tried to talk to Blair. Was he there to set things right or to ease his conscience, she couldn't tell nor she cared. He seemed really sorry and regretful. Blair didn't respond with a single word, but merely stared at him with murderous look. He took his cue and never talked to her again.

Chuck was back to, well, being Chuck. Once again girls shamelessly flocked around him. They hung on his neck, twenty different expensive perfumes clinging to his suit. He smirked and teased, they giggled and bit their lower lips. Blair found herself wanting to strangle their slim tanned necks. She was silently fuming. It was so easy to talk about not caring and being Ice Queen, but deep down inside - she wanted to die every time someone else made him laugh. Their project sessions continued and she couldn't be more edgy or put off if she wanted to be.

''Let's do something fun'' Chuck murmured, not even looking up as she came and sat down to their usual spot.

''Let's not. I was thinking we do something useful'' she countered, shrugging her coat off with unnecessary violence. ''Like a medical institution.''

''Boring'' he sang under his breath, texting someone.

''Well I think your fun idea is boring'' she snapped, but quickly blushed as she realized how paradoxical and moronic that sounded. ''Besides, I assume everyone will do something like that. Let's not forget you own a club so it's not really fair to our competition.''

''Mhm'' he murmured disinterestedly at her rant, still typing away.

''Focus!'' Blair grit her teeth and snatched the phone out of his hands.''This is important to me!''

''Hey'' he said offended, ''Satisfying my sexual appetite tonight is important to _me_.''

"It should be something nobody else would have the brains to think of" she continued, ignoring him and turning off the phone. "Movies, restaurants, clubs... It's all everyone is thinking about."

Chuck sighed in exasperation and dropped his head on the desk with a loud thud.

"That's it" Blair clapped her hands in enthusiasm. "We'll be running a farm!"

"A farm?" Chuck repeated in utter disbelief and horror, raising his head to shoot her a dismayed look. "That's your grand original idea? Blair, even my mom runs a farm. On Facebook."

She grimaced at the comment and pointed a tip of the pencil at him. "This is not going to work. You're not cooperating. Let's just request to be working separately."

"Simple and fun" Chuck murmured, his eyes glazed in that way that confirmed he wasn't listening to her at all. "Fun and simple."

"Now you've really lost it. I'm going to call a Constance psychologist. Or better yet, sex addicts group."

"No, Blair" he urged, excitement in his voice. There was a boyish grin spreading across his face and Blair could feel her heart skip a beat. "An amusement park!"

"What? That's ridic-" she immediately went to dismiss the idea, but stopped in tracks when inspiration hit her. She grabbed his forearm and exclaimed, "That's it! An amusement park!"

Chuck bore his eyes into her fingers on his blazer, but Blair was too involved with visions that fluttered across her mind. She started writing down all the ideas of a complex; the exterior, the offer of activities, rides and saying them out loud. Chuck watched her passion as it burned, brimming the edges of the frame and licking the heights he thought were unreachable to men. She was brilliant.

She was too engrossed to notice anything but pictures that flashed in her mind. This was one of the best ideas and it was Chuck's. Original, fun, simple and useful. He was brilliant and stubborn in covering up just how brilliant.

"I have to go" he spoke and she unburied her head from scribbled notes, not for a second forgetting he was there. His presence was always around, like a sun on the summer day or a mist on a cold winter morning. Disappointment swirled and stirred in her chest, but she forced a small smile.

"Don't forget your phone" Blair said when she actually wanted to scream _Stay, we'll make this work._

Shaking her head out revelry, she turned it on and accidentally read incoming text.

_Lilly has no idea where she is. It's been three days!_

He took the offered phone and their fingers briefly touched. Their eyes met, body aching with longing and regret. She couldn't look away from him. He was everything.

He was the sun and the moon, the water and fire. Somehow on this terrible journey of bad choice and false words, she fell in love with Chuck Bass. The fact revealed itself in the darkest of hour, when she pushed everyone away to bask in isolation and loneliness.

She could push everyone away, but her soul ripped to pieces at every look from this boy.

Chuck raised his hand as if he was going to brush the strand of her hair away. Her breath hitched. If he touched her now, she would surrender herself to him.

As if changing his mind, he dropped the hand and nodded, holding her gaze. "I'll see you around."

He said that, but she could swear there were some other words playing on his lips.

* * *

The evening that changed everything started out like any other. There is no ominous feeling before the big bang, the human calamities aren't like earthquakes when you can't hear a single animal before the ground swallows you. There is no menacing silence. You brush your teeth, drink coffee and not once think about that thin string that can be plucked in any moment.

Blair came home after class, took a shower and started preparing dinner. She peeled the potatoes and put them in water to boil. After wiping her hands on cloth, she started to chop onions. Her eyes stung. Family was watching TV in the living room. The news started and, as usual, mother turned the volume up.

_Whole New York state is in shock by the tragic news of the accident of most prominent Manhattan heir and a socialite. Serena Van Der Woodsen and Chuck Bass are currently in Sisters of Mercy, fighting for their lives as we speak. It is presumed the young Bass, son of famous businessman Bart Bass, lost control of the vehicle and slid off the road. An official statement is yet to be released. We are all praying and hoping for the best. Stay tuned with ABC4 news._

It was like she was submerged in dark, hot matter that clung to her skin and filled her mouth and nose. World swayed and Blair closed her eyes, fighting for a breath. Why couldn't she breathe?

Why was ground under her feet shaking?

''Look'' Dan exclaimed surprised. ''It's that guy! It's that guy-''

The thick warm matter cut off all the voices and she felt herself surrender to it. Darkness invaded every existing space and she couldn't feel her body anymore.

''Blair'' someone shook her shoulders, thousand of voices whispering at the same time.

_Blair, there's something going on between us._

''Blair are you okay?''

_I want to take a picture of you. I want to remember this day._

''Open a window! Dan, do it!''

_You're beautiful._

''Bob, get her some water.''

_Are you mine?_

''Chuck..'' she called out hoarsely, still dizzy and confused.

''Shh'' Jane whispered, cooling off her daughter's face. ''Be quiet!''

''Mom'' Dan came back, looking at them worriedly. ''I'll call doctor.''

''No, honey. She'll be fine, she just needs to eat something. Give her some space to breathe.''

Jane's eyes flashed knowingly. She was well aware why Blair fainted. It had to do with that boy. That boy that made her eyes glaze, that boy that made her stay on the same page of a textbook for hours, that boy that put a spring in her step and melancholy to her voice. That's why she sneaked back to her room when everyone else was soundly asleep and wasn't surprised to see her daughter up and dressed.

''You're going to see him'' she stated in defeat. Blair hastily buttoned up her coat, her face pale as a moonlight. ''I wish you didn't.''

''I have to'' her daughter answered with strange ruthless determination. ''And there's nobody and nothing on this world that can stop me.''

* * *

Night was grim and gloomy. Moon packed up the stars and hid somewhere far away from this gruesome place. Hospital lights twinkled eerily, a cursed place on a cursed island. Blair felt like some higher wicked creature lowered itself down on the planet only to suck out every feelings residing in her soul. There was a constant presence of dread, something corrupt lurking behind dark corners.

Her eyes locked with Nate.

Nate Archibald, a living relic that connected Chuck with this life. A proof that he was once here, among them: alive with spirit. Without words, they embraced, searching for him in each other. Past shattered into million pieces and fell on the floor forgotten. He clutched at her for dear life, shaking with tears.

''He's still at surgery. Both of them.''

Blair nodded, stiff as a statue, inhaling his scent in case it held any of Chuck's perfume. A bench close to the entrance caught her eye and her vision filled with ghosts of the past. That was the bench she once shared with Chuck. The night when Georgina tried to kill herself played in her mind on fast forward, pausing right at the time Chuck put his jacket over her shoulders and their fingers brushed. A sacred spot where they once almost kissed, where they shared secrets and opened up to each other. A spot where she saw all the stars in his eyes.

She wept like widows weep for their husbands, like mothers weep for their children, like soul mates weep for each other.

Walls of the waiting room reeked of desperation. Beige reefer coat flung against her silken pajamas, Evelyn was crying and pushing Bart angrily. ''Where were you? Why won't you answer your phone? Why didn't you come here earlier?!''

Bart was speechless, letting her shout and scream, his eyes droopy and morose.

Nate told her later that Serena was hiding out in Hamptons, beaten down by grief and guilt. Chuck went out to get her and on their way back had an accident. Blair looked at the faces around her... Evelyn, Bart, Paige, that prick Anthony, Serena's mom... They all cared about them. But could they all live with themselves if something were to happen?

Because Blair couldn't. She didn't let herself love Chuck fully, nor did she let him love her. She let him love the false Blair. And if he died, she would never forgive herself. A life wasted, a love wasted, a time wasted. It was the most cruel thing she had ever done and she did it to person she loves.

It is true then; we all hurt what we love the most.

A fear of losing him assaulted her from every direction and, for once in her life, Blair's mind went blank.

It was early morning when they wheeled them out of Operating room. Everyone crowded around the two gurneys, shedding tears on their patched up bodies. Blair couldn't move. Wall seemed to glue itself to her back and stretch it's cold invisible arms over stomach.

They looked like they've been through hell and back. Chuck had so many colors on him, you couldn't recognize him. His beauty was demolished, turning him from a handsome boy to a barely breathing corpse. There was white for gauze, red for blood and purple for multiple bruises.

What if she lost him?

A part of her would chip off and sail into an oblivion forever.

She pressed her palms into eyes, uttering a silent prayer.

_God, if you let him live, I will wash my sins on shore and come up clean. He who matters the most will know of my lies._

With that, she turned around and went home chanting the prayer like a madman. Blair wouldn't even go back home if her father wasn't so stubborn in keeping her either there or in school. Thankfully, mother kept her departure secret, but she could see it in her eyes that Jane didn't approve of this.

Blair had breakfast and went out of the house, on the pretense of going to class.

Coming back to hospital, she found everyone crowded around a doctor, anxiously waiting for news.

''The boy is out of the danger'' he said, looking worried despite the news. ''He can breathe on his own, but his body needs time to recover. He is currently in Intensive care and we'll wait for him to wake up. But the main thing is that he's off the machine support and stable.''

Evelyn let out a sigh of relief, hugging what seemed to be her husband. He patted her back half-heartedly, subtly checking the hour on the clock.

Blair felt nothing but happiness. Her prayers have been answered. The cost meant nothing as long as Chuck was alive and well. She turned to look at Nate when he asked ''What about Serena?''

Doctor pursed his lips. ''No change. She is still on support.''

''Is she'' her mother stammered, a beautiful golden-haired older replica of Serena. Her eyes were puffy, thin nose red. ''Is she in danger?''

''I'm afraid so'' doctor concluded. ''If you'll excuse me, that's all.''

Lilly Van Der Woodsen burst into tears and it was one of the saddest song an angel could compose. Blair's heart constricted for her, feeling her anguish and pain, despite what has happened between her daughter and she.

''She's tough'' Blair comforted Nate, patting him on the knee. ''She'll fight her way through.''

''Do you know what she said to me last time I saw her?'' he whispered in broken voice, looking straight ahead. ''She said '_I hate you_'.''

His lower lip quivered and he rose quickly, leaving her alone.

What was the last thing she said to Chuck? Something stupid about his phone? She said something trivial and meaningless, while she actually wanted to say a lot more.

Time and love was taken for granted, most odious violation of the principles and morals. It was time for changes.

There was always a sense of togetherness in grievers, sense of something great they share. An awareness they were fighting for the same other-worldly cause. Saddened by the same grief, loved by the same love. Day out of day, Blair watched his sleepy body in intensive care through the window. Whole world stopped moving, gravity shifted and Chuck became the sun, a center of the galaxy. Family, project and MME society - forgotten. Time stopped for them and everyone outside hospital ceased moving, growing, existing.

She watched Evelyn, in blue scrubs and surgical mask, weeping over Chuck, talking to him as if he was wide awake.

She watched them with Bart Bass by her side, silently shedding tears, looking at her without venom as he did that last time. Bart Bass looked at her for help and reassurance that everything would be fine.

Days went on like lost dogs, not knowing where one ended and the other began.

''Do you think they'd let me in?'' she asked Evelyn one afternoon, looking at his slumbering body. Chuck looked better. The white gauze was removed, the red blood cleaned up and purple bruising settled down to cuts. He looked like a victorious fighter resting from the battle.

''If...'' Chuck's mother stammered, her eyes watering up every time someone said his name. ''If they knew how much you meant to him, I'm sure they would. I told him- I told him you were here, waiting for him.''

Evelyn gulped down hard and let out a shaky breath. A slight blush adorned Blair's white face, a first sign of life in that hospital for many days.

''Thank you, Blair. I don't know what happened between you two, but Chuck cares deeply for you. He wouldn't stop talking about you.''

A tear trickled down her perfect plump cheeks and Blair bit down a sob. She couldn't but admire her dark, slightly slanted eyes and the energy they emitted. The eyes that told stories about pain as ancient as the dawn itself.

''It's been years since he and I talked. It's been years since I listened to him. Since meeting you, he needed mother's advice for the first time. Do you know how many eternities I've waited for that? Waited to be needed by him? Waited to be asked help? Chuck is everything to me, Blair. We finally became a mother and a son again. Thank you. Thank you for bringing me my boy back.''

Evelyn hugged her with tenderness and gratitude, staining her coat with tears as precious as the most expensive gems. Blair was so shocked that she remained speechless. Here she was, getting bits and pieces of a a life Chuck led, a life that had nothing to do with her - a life that had everything to do with her. Evelyn with that mighty aura and power to love ardently and passionately was closest thing she had to Chuck in days. Blair hugged her tighter, letting the scent of sandalwood take her to some places that were out of reach to mortals.

''Go on and get dressed while I talk to doctors. Don't make him wait for you any longer.''

Blair entered his room with small steps, admiring his sleepy face. His hair looked ruffled and brushed the bangs from his forehead. Would he be embarrassed by this? Would he like it? She couldn't tell.

''I'm here'' she croaked out, wanting to touch his cheek, but hastily puling back. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. ''I won't let you go through this alone.''

Blair sniffled, not able to prevent the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Reluctantly, she put her hand on his, just like he did few days ago while working on a project. Where is he now? What dream is he dreaming? Would he be able to feel her touch, to hear her? Did love have any superpowers or was it something to feed die-hard romantics?

How could she be this stupid and waste their love away? Why couldn't she be honest with him and tell him everything? Why did she have to be a coward?

''You were right'' she whispered, comforted by his touch, letting affection for him bloom and fill the air around them. It has been help captive for far too long. Cuts on his skin were rough against her hand and she shuddered at the pain he must have went through. ''What happened between us was stupid.''

''I want us to start over.'' Blair gulped and breathed in, letting the tears clear up and courage fill her being. This was the time for changes and she wasn't ready to risk love anymore. Life wasn't a gamble and every day, every moment should be seized as if it was our last one. ''I lied to you. I lied to you while looking you right in the eyes. I've been pushing you away. I've been running. ''

''And now while you're sleeping... Nothing of that makes any sense.''

Blair squeezed his hand a little, and a new sense of clean slate and opportunity of happy life with him overwhelmed her. A life with him could be possible. Happiness wasn't an option, it was a choice. And Blair chose to brave like he was. She chose to be a fighter like he was. Chuck Bass deserved nothing less.

''You need to wake up'' she pleaded, tears brimming over her eyes. His eyes remained closed, dark and long eyelashes resting on cheeks. Why won't he wake up? Isn't he aware what she was offering? Didn't he care?

''Wake up!'' she urged hysterically, anger and sorrow overpowering everything else.

She should have let him in.

Love _should_ have crazy super-powers. Love _should_ make all bad things right. He never gave up on her, despite everything she put him through. He went down fighting and he would emerge a champion - because that's what he was. He was the love, he was the superpower.

''I'll tell you everything... Just wake up.''

* * *

**A/N:** Chuck babyyy! Wake up! We want our plot!

This chapter is dedicated to our Meredith Grey of fandom; iALLIEgator. One of my most loyal reviewers; reading this fic, kicking medical exams and saving the world in blue scrubs. Or white coat. Not sure. Maybe both? Do we get a lollipop in the end?

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, I know its a cliffhanger and I'M NOT SORRY. I thank you for the votes, literally almost everyone voted for the long run of this fic. But I guess we'll see. I have another fic in mind(which is muuuuuch more charged and personally my favorite). But don't worry, I'll balance this to be just the right amount of chapter. I don't want to start anything before I finish this.. Or do I?

Now tell me... WHO VOTES SERENA TO DIE? LET ME SEE HANDS. I can see one from Brit!

Sooo, we all know Chuck will wake up because who tf would read story about some chick crying about that one guy for 40 chapters?

I know I would heh ):

Tell me your thoughts! Hope you had nice Valentine's day! Single or taken, doesn't matter. Chocolate and wine is all you need anyway.


	24. Set You Free

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**Set You Free**

_You're asking me what I want for breakfast and I'm telling you_  
_about how when the worst thing happened, I didn't even cry._  
_You're passing me the milk after you drip it into your coffee_  
_and I'm passing you a bundle of letters that I wrote to God when_  
_I was fourteen and scared. You're trying to do the normal things_  
_and I am throwing up dull pieces of truth onto our kitchen table. I can't lie anymore._  
_These are the things I've done and they're mostly sad. These are the places I've been_  
_and they're mostly awful. This life has woven itself into the notches of my spine_  
_and I hear it creak every time I stand._

Serena was the one to wake up first.

Chuck was still in deep slumber, hovering somewhere between consciousness and the eternal dark, when Serena opened her green eyes. She stared at the world in wonder and the world stared back, even more stupefied. Superb recovery was worthy of an addonexus, breaking the rules and laws of modern medicine.

Had the world shifted since that crash? A crash that shook even the chess board of the Gods.

Was it fair? Blair couldn't tell.

Every nook and the corner of hospital became painfully familiar, just like her own home. Roots sprang from the tips of her soul and they broke the dull sanitary tiles, digging deep in the cold dirt. Frost penetrated her bones and settled there, refusing to go. Her restless nature subdued to serene surrender. The dice were rolling and had yet to stop.

Every line of Chuck's face imprinted in her memory, like a beautiful burning stamp on whites of the eyes. She traced his fixed features with her fingertips, learning the curves and dents, in case the numbers on the dice were not in her favor. The risk was there, along with Blair's determination to unveil the truth.

Evelyn grew paler every day, every hour, every second. Though doctor foresaw good outcome for her son, she looked sick and forlorn. The bags under her eyes were prominent and there was weakness about her frame suggesting fatigue and exhaustion. Did her motherly instinct sense something? Blair walked the halls, trying to come up for a solid reason to send her home to get some rest, when Nate caught up.

''Serena would like to see you'' he shrugged apologetically, a glint in his eyes she hadn't seen for a long time. Nobody can hide those kind of glints, they burn despite the lack of kindling. Somehow, Blair resented it. She resented his mirth and luck. Nate got to hold the one he loved, and be held in return. She resented his small smile that lighted his face when he thought nobody was watching.

''I don't think that's a good idea'' she brusquely answered, truth of Serena's misdeeds still ruthless in it's existence.

''Please'' Nate implored, taking her hand. ''I'm begging you.''

She flinched from his touch, still repulsed by the notion he knew what Serena did and protected her. ''Fine'' she heard herself say, tired and willing for a closure of this chapter. ''But I'm not promising I won't try to strangle her.''

Blair followed his tall figure to Van Der Woodsen room. Serena's green eyes widened at the sight of Blair. She offered a smile to waiting brunette, but it wasn't returned. Blair stared at her with indifference and poorly masked contempt. The silence was suffocating. Nate glance warily between them, wondering if he made a good choice by obeying Serena. She really did look better. Cuts were still there along with bandage across her forehead, but the animation of body was visible in every movement.

''Chuck forgave me'' Serena said with small voice, wringing her hands. ''Maybe...''

She inhaled deeply, looking up nervously. Her eyes were different, they were lowered at the corners, green mixed with remorse. Was it real? ''Just maybe, you could too?''

''No'' Blair grew irritated by the mere abomination of request. It didn't matter if Serena repented or not. It wasn't just that she couldn't forgive her wrongdoings against herself, Blair couldn't forgive her the accident and putting Chuck in life-threatening danger. The line has been drawn and crossed, too many times. ''Don't.''

The sunshine felt artificial in the room, there was no warmth. She could hear the sound of hot blood in her veins turning to ice, the peculiar noise of sizzling and crackling. Her own weight felt heavy as a lead. It dragged her down, and she rubbed forearms, trying to warm up.

''I hope you get better. That's the only decent thing I can say to you right now'' Blair turned around and left, not being able to stand another minute within their presence.

Days went on. Earth rotated around it's core by the same speed as usual and spring crept up on Manhattan. Cherry trees blossomed, carrying the scent down the busy streets, saccharine rose petals delicately falling on heads of bustling New Yorkers. Sun melted the snow long ago, revealing beautiful snowdrops on small patches of ground. Winter coats were not yet stored in the closet, for the island was sometimes target of cold breeze, a breath of dying winter.

Blair was half-asleep in Chuck's room, curled up on sofa like a cat. Curtains were set aside and sun caressed sleeping bodies, lulling one to sleep and other to wake. His body, though still and unmoving, provided odd mix of mellowness and bitterness. She often regarded him from distance, thinking about the future. She was past the point where Blair could think of future without Chuck. Determination and passion to keep him close scorched through her.

Would he want her back?

Serena said he forgave her. In all honesty, news struck Blair like a poisonous arrow. Did he think Blair didn't matter anymore? Did he finally get tired of her and rejoined his old friends, old lifestyle?

_I'm done. I'm not running after you anymore._

Those were his words and they rang clear and sharp through the stuffy hospital air. She couldn't stop the dread and panic seizing her body. Would he care if she told him of her lies? What if he woke up, saw her and turned his cheek away? She couldn't take the rejection. The last few weeks were nothing but pure hell and she often scratched at her skin, shedding it, tired bones perturbing out of rotten body.

Purse and textbooks were thrown on the ground by her feet. Classes weren't the same without him around. Thinking about him when he wasn't there and anxiously fidgeting when he was - it was a chaos, a bittersweet chaos. She had just returned from class and overtook by exhaustion - fell into dreamless slumber.

That was her state when Chuck finally opened his eyes. There was no slow waking, no gentle rising. He sharply inhaled a breath, vividly recollecting a big piece of window glass impaling his stomach. Flash of pain seared through his abdomen and he clutched the sheets, muscles expanding and twitching. His legs kicked out to break free out of projected prison of smashed car. Trembling hands flew to the wound to pull out the shard and stop the bleeding. At the back of his head, blood painfully pulsed.

His fingers ached with stiffness. There was no glass, but scratchy blanket covered his body. Still shaking, he lifted it up and saw an ugly hospital gown.

He rather wished there was an impaled shard instead.

Chuck grit his teeth and his arms fell at the excruciating soreness. Even smallest movement required patience and exquisite effort. Panting, he dropped his head on pillow and looked around the room. Primary confusion and disorientation gradually subdued, though his wits were anything but sharpened.

The hospital suite was pristine, clinical - with ridiculous attempts at trying to make it look homely. With an amused smile, he recognized mother's dying cactus on windowsill. How could someone let cactus wilt away, he couldn't fathom. There was also Nate's gameboy on night table, along with Serena's lucky charm - earphones with two encrusted diamonds. Chuck got those for her 15th birthday. Even Arthur left a black limo figure, small enough to be a key chain. Except several magazines, theres was nothing else that indicated anyone ever came here.

Nothing that indicated Blair was here.

Car crash has not been a revelation. It didn't make him question his life choices or influence to give up vices. It didn't reborn him. Chuck Bass came face to face with Death and he laughed scornfully at it's shadowed face. What did the old fool think? That he would go crying, pleading, begging? Chuck lived life at full speed and had every rich imaginable, rolling in luxury and wealth with friends. He didn't care if he lost it all - right then.

He didn't care because one thing he actually wanted wasn't even his.

Chuck closed his eyes and turned head towards window, his smile turning to mask of gloom. Rays of sun fell on his cold cheek and he sought comfort in it's warmth. Of'course Blair didn't come. Why should she? Blair made it clear he wasn't wanted. She made it clear he was nothing but nuisance, someone to constantly pester her. And he just wouldn't give up.

What did he expect anyway? That she would come running back just because he swirled a bit off the road?

Yes, he hoped she would. At least to say what an idiot he was. He'd take her insult over any compliment others gave him.

An anguish and great deal of shame took over his body, pain far worse than all open wounds. Sins of his past still burned it their glory, refusing to be forgotten. Something rustled in the corner. He snapped his head, movement making him dizzy.

''What the'' he murmured, eying the pile of coats on the sofa distrustfully. Whole furniture, together with wall in front were spinning and view went out of focus for a second. Chuck rubbed his eyes and blinked hard as one of the coats fidgeted and slipped lower, revealing few locks of hair underneath. Sunshine fell on brown glossy mass and his heart began to pick up the pace as soft small snore came from under the coat.

Wait, that wasn't a pile of coats. There was something living, _breathing_, under there. Wincing, he scooted closer and his hand painfully stretched to tug at the coat. It was like thousand little needles pricked at his skin, but something urged to see who dared to pry on his moment of weakness. At last, he reached the coat and pulled - revealing Blair's peaceful face.

For some unknown reason, he immediately drew back. Chuck swallowed hard, clutching at the sheets. It felt like five lifetimes passed since he last saw her like this - sanguine, contended. He gazed at her pouty lips, button nose and long eyelashes. Blair Waldorf was here, in his room, by his bed. He took few more minutes to regard her in silent admiration, before he fidgeted with impatience.

''Blair'' Chuck whispered, reaching his arm for her. He hissed, the movement evoking another wave of pain.

Fluttering her eyelids very slowly, Blair thought she finally began to dream. It was a good dream, one where Chuck woke up and called out for her. It usually ended up in nightmare; he'd accuse her of lies and she would feel floor beginning to burn. Flames would swallow her and she would scream, scream until she awoke panting, scream until pillow stifled her cries. With grin on her face, she stretched her arm towards him too. She knew he would flinch away, as he always did in dreams, and embers would lick at her soles. Blair didn't care about the retribution, she focused on his touch and their fingers interlinked. Oddly enough, he didn't flinch.

Chuck regarded her with intensity that tugged at her heart. Whole dream felt too real and utopian at the same time. Was this a lucid dream? One where you control the scene and actions? Bustle of the hospital and traffic outside broke the spell and she became aware of her surroundings.

''Won't you come to me?'' he asked with disappointed, hoarse voice and she leaped up to her feet in surprise, coat falling on the floor with a soft thud.

''You're here'' she whispered tearfully, not being able to hold the flood of emotion that assaulted her at the sound of his voice. She threw herself at him, burying head in the crook of his neck - her favorite spot. It was an impulse, an action that thought not of reaction, something akin to an instinct. Blair felt scared of touching him for a long, long time - long before the crash happened. He didn't return the gesture. Small hiss escaped between his teeth and Blair quickly retreated, anxiously glancing towards his cuts.

''Did I hurt you?'' she wondered out loud, enraptured by the darkness of his eyes. She was suddenly overcome with heavy sadness. Did he even want her here, in his room? She didn't know. She didn't want to know yet and decided to postpone the dreadful answers as far as they could be postponed. They regarded each other in silence. With shaky voice she said, ''I'll go get the doctor.''

His hand arrested her wrists, like a shot of lightning pierces through stormy sky - brief, volatile matter. His eyes were filled with fervor that made hairs on her neck stand upright. ''Don't.''

Blair looked down at his fingers circling her pale skin. The iciness started to dissipate from her body and she could feel her blood boiling, burning, charging with the familiar electricity.

''Stay with me'' he added after small pause, his voice barely audible. Outside on the street, car started, engine roaring to life. Birds chirped, their wings fluttering in flight. Time stopped, rolled back and sped up again. She felt her heart race at the alarm in his uncertain glance.

Chuck Bass was _afraid_. He wanted her back and he wasn't sure if she'd accept him. All her previous fears dissipated and she laughed in disbelief, relief flooding her body.

Chuck Bass was subsequently mortified by the mocking laugh. All of a sudden, he flung her wrist and sharply looked away. The world - stopping moment passed. His taut arms crossed across his broad chest, jaws clenching in irritation. ''Get out'' his voice was like a venom.

She laughed once again at his spiteful assault, not bearing to contain her happiness. His harsh words went unheard. There was a chance for them after all. Chuck shot her murderous look, his upper lip curving. It only served to ignite her joy further. ''Okay'' Blair simply said, taking her flats off.

''What are you doing?'' he demanded, utterly baffled, as she lifted up the sheet and lay next to him. The bed wasn't big enough for two and she had to press her body to his to prevent from falling down. Blair put her cheek on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Finally, she felt safe. ''I told you to leave'' he said with strangely thick voice, not daring to move an inch.

''I don't care what you say'' she murmured against his skin on collarbone, warmth filling her chest. Blair pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, ''I'm never going to leave again.''

She held on him tighter, resolve to uncover the truth of her lies still solid and firm. Even if dice were against her, Blair would go down fighting. His mouth were dangerously close to hers, his breath deliciously falling on her neck in rapid pants. He gave no sign of surprise or shock, but she could feel his body relaxing and melting into her own. Few minutes passed before they spoke again and by that time, his hand managed to find hers under the sheets.

''Since you're staying, you might as well give me a sponge bath'' Chuck responded with a growing smirk and her heart stopped for a second. She missed him more than she was willing to admit. Having him back was nothing but a bliss. His accident almost broke her and they were finally rewarded with reconciliation. She chuckled, glad to see him back as he was. Chuck brushed hair from her face and very slowly, cupped her cheek. Blair's heart went into a frenzy with desire that's been kept caged for far too long. The butterflies in stomach were finally set free as their mouth met in a light kiss.

His lips were chapped, rugged against her tender skin. She flicked her tongue across his bottom lip and low growl came from back of his throat. Blair was finally where she longed to be - in his embrace. He circled an arm around her waist, pressing her even closer - but the painful action evoked a wince. She pulled back and pressed her lips together, ''Sorry.''

Grimacing in vivid discomfort, he kissed her nose and they lay back- barely touching, gazing at each other. Blair kept drinking in his features, words, they way he breathed, the way he moved.

''I love you'' he murmured seriously, running his thumb across her lower lip.

Somehow, Blair wasn't surprised or terrified. She wasn't shocked and it didn't make her turn back and run fast out the door. He said those three words with promise of another tomorrow. Blair felt assured that what she was about to do was only right. The truth of her lies was to be uncovered and she was resolved to do it.

Only, not now. When Chuck recovered, she was to tell him everything. When he gained strength and went back to normal life. Until then, Blair would stay by his side, aid him and nurse him to health. She owed him that much.

''I know'' she replied, lightly biting his thumb.

''No'' Chuck urged with slight desperation, that bizarre alarm back in his eyes. ''Say you love me too.''

''I love you too'' she whispered, startled at the reaction. He sighed and nodded, burying his nose in her hair.

* * *

Doctors, physiologists, chiropractics, therapists... the list went on. Those were all people that occupied majority of Chuck's time. He was sick of their terrible dad jokes and latex gloves. The recovery was anything but pleasant. Thankfully, Sisters of Mercy was a private hospital with a specific audience in mind - people like Bass' of the world. Facility had everything, including a spa, and one didn't have to walk out the doors to get what one wanted. Unless one was Chuck Bass and he really _really_ wanted his girlfriend right now.

Taxi pulled up in front of the hospital and a small figure emerged, her silken skirt billowing behind. Smooth arms were bare, skin pale against dark cover of textbooks. Her doe-like eyes glanced at the hospital warily, but as if sensing his eyes on her, she glanced his way. Her smile was bright, but brief. Chuck knew by the small crease on her forehead and jutted lower lip, that he was in trouble. The notion was nothing short of arousing.

Blair strode towards him with precise, angry steps, her curls bouncing against the shoulders. ''Chuck Bass, explain yourself.''

''Good day to you too'' he drawled, leaning back on the bench. The comfort of sweatpants was alien, strange, and they just felt wrong. He might as well be wearing pajamas, but then again, his pjs were pure silk - not cashmere cotton. ''How was your last day of freshman year? I have to say, I regret missing the skinny dipping at Central Park. One of my favorite Constance traditions.''

They didn't talk about Nate or Serena, there was mutual understanding between them. His best friend came for a visit, Serena for weekly session with chiropractor, and Blair tried everything not to cross paths with her. She couldn't stand the sight of her and during classes would only exchange few brief words with Nate. Nothing else, nothing more.

''Please tell me you didn't stand up Hannah?'' she berated, hands on her hips. He marveled at the flesh underneath, urge to dig his fingers in there kicking in.

He was distracted for a moment until sense of what she said sunk in.

''You're on a first name basis with my chiropractor?'' Chuck asked, puzzled and bewildered.

''Of'course I am'' Blair scoffed, as if it was most obvious thing in the world. She flipped one of the notebooks open and shuffled the pages while trying to balance the rest of books. ''Great'' she muttered, dotting down something. ''Next session will be in two weeks, instead of one because she's celebrating Ted's birthday then...''

''Who the hell is Ted?''

''Her ex husband - complete Wall Street moron. Hannah wants custody of their dog and I _may_ or may not have suggested bribery. An expensive, yet thoughtful birthday gift cannot be proved as bribery on court-''

Chuck sighed and gently yanked her to sit next to him. With the other hand, he took her books and set them aside on the bench. She reached for her journal with his schedule, but he shut it closed. Chuck snaked his hand around her waist and pulled her closer, ignoring her sulking face. His body was almost healed and he could go through normal actions without wincing or his muscles cramping.

''I was thinking'' Chuck divulged, settling his chin on her shoulder and taking advantage of the surprised silence. She smelled like roses and peonies and he found himself marveling in it. ''You've become so close to my family, Evelyn keeps nagging we have dinner together - and it gave me an idea. You see, my father can stand to be in the same room with you for five minutes-''

''Wow'' she rolled her eyes, though worry prickled at the back of her head. ''Thanks.''

''Which is more than I can say for any of my _girlfriends_'' he continued, not heeding her interruption. Chuck deeply inhaled, lost in the brief recollections of Blair's mother at the window of their home. ''You know who my friends are, my enemies even better. So as I was saying, I've been thinking. I want to get to know you.''

''You already know me silly'' she forced a small giggle as the worry increased with an alarming rate.

''I want to get to know your _family_. Your other friends. That Georgina that you used to mention. I want to meet them. What does your room look like? I want to know everything about you. It's not fair that you get to know everything about me. It makes me seem selfish - which I admit I sometimes am in regards to you.''

Blair's heart stopped and she turned her head away from him. How is she to tell him her room is smaller than his jacuzzi tub in bathroom? How is she to tell him Georgina used to be her best friend until she became obsessed with him? How is she to tell him her brother stole and wrecked his care? How is she to tell him that the family he mentions with distaste and mild contempt - is her very own family, repaying the debt?

The time has come. She couldn't postpone this any further. The recovery took weeks, the classes finished and she almost enjoyed herself helping him in the process, forgetting dice were still rolling. ''We can talk about it when you get dismissed'' she murmured, taking one of his hands into her own, secretly soughting comfort of his touch.

She could feel his devilish smile as he kissed her cheek, squeezing her hand. ''Deal. How about dinner tonight, my place?''

The shock, excitement and alarm all blended into one and she jumped up, staring at him with wild eyes. ''You got dismissed?'' she stammered, trying to recollect herself. ''Who approved that? Was it that German hippie Dr. Schmidt?''

Chuck chuckled at her reaction and got up too, getting so close that he towered over her. ''Don't worry, I won't bite. Unless you beg me to and, believe me, I _can_ make you beg.''

Blush played around at the base of her neck. Something in her guts pleasantly stirred at the notion, but fear overshadowed all positive feelings. _Don't chicken out_, she mentally chanted. _Don't chicken out_. ''Okay'' she heard herself say meekly, her eyes raised towards heavens.

_This was it._

''Okay?'' he repeated, dumbfounded. ''That's it?!''

She watched him drop back on the bench and mutter something under his breath.

''What's wrong?''

''What's wrong? I skip my session to meet you _here_'' he growled after some time, spreading his arms in gesticulative manner, ''Where we once sat together - and I remember you had a cut on your cheek - I don't think I'll ever forget that cut - and I was feeling nervous and - and _good_ \- at the same time.''

Blair flinched at this speech, remembering all too well her father's slap and all the mess that followed. It felt ages ago when Georgina wanted to take her own life, when they were still talking and not throwing daggers at each other, when their social difference was swallowed up by childhood innocence. When she was starting to get to know this whole different side of Chuck and when there was a chance of not fucking all of this up.

''I prepared five thousand words essay about why you should come - and I know you have overprotective parents - I've often envied you - I just wanted you to know how much it would mean to me; and you just say _okay_?''

His gaze, though playful, was piercing and she had to suppress a shiver.

''_Who_ are you?'' he asked, genuine wonder displayed in his eyes.

Blair sighed, ignoring the ever growing horror in her chest, and sat on his lap, ''Let's try this again, shall we?''

He glanced at her with cautious face as she put her arms around his neck. ''Basshole, I would rather _die_ than do anything remotely fun with you. You despicable bow-wearing creature, I hate you with fires of thousand suns-''

Chuck smirked, very much satisfied at the position they were in and he leaned in to shut her up with a kiss, a best way to make someone stop talking.

* * *

Blair lifted up the wooden spoon and blew on the narrow rising smoke as it wisped around, spreading delicious tangy scent. The small pink of his lips closed around thick red Napoli goodness. She stared as he swallowed and licked his upper lip to get the rest of condiment. It was a real treat to see Chuck Bass restored to his original glory; smirking and oozing sex-appeal.

''Well?'' Blair piqued at his silence and ate the remaining sauce on the spoon to double-check. Chuck remained quiet, rolling his tongue around, his brows knotted. ''Don't you like it?''

He seemed to snap out of the revelry, ''No, I just - It's amazing, the sauce I mean - I just didn't know that stove could work. I thought the whole kitchen was simply for display.''

Blair gave him an expatriated sidelong glance and stirred pot, shutting down the heat.

''I still can't believe you sneaked out of house'' he smirked, leaning down on the counter with elbows, looking at her under thick set of eyelashes. ''It's kind of hot.''

''Also kind of suicidal'' she muttered, setting down the spoon. The universe seemed to be aligned tonight, but retreated back to the darkness - waiting, watching. The hands on the clock were set and in motion, ticking down to strike the fated hour. The cuckoo won't come out the sing, instead it will remain hidden in it's closed nest. One can't escape time, no matter how much they tried.

Dan had gotten a girlfriend. Blair figured as much by the love-sick puppy eyes he got and, more obviously, late night escapades. He though Blair should be sleeping, tucked safely in bed. He thought wrong. Their parents left for the country, under suspicious circumstances - hiding their true reasons, pretending it was some dispute regarding the land they didn't own anymore. Blair wasn't fooled - something was happening. It was once in a lifetime slip-up and she wasn't fool enough to let it pass.

''You never actually said how the accident happened'' Blair asked taking a sip of red wine - earlier before, Chuck proudly presented her with the bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a bottle that Bart kept hidden and under lock. She was sure his father would kill him when he finds out.

''I've said it all in police report'' Chuck dully said, his eyes lost somewhere she couldn't trace. He didn't want her to know that Serena took the blame for that fiasco with Blair's and Nate's published pictures, while he was _driving_ her back home. Serena's hysterical tears dropped on leather seat and he remembered disbelief - rage, hurt - hurt because he felt sorry for her, hurt because he wanted her back in Manhattan, with him and Nate. Flash of anger seized him like blinding storm and he couldn't stop the venomous words rolling off his tongue like words of dark magic - powerful, heavy, sinister. It was only in last moment when he saw a truck speeding towards them and he steered wheel-drive, landing them in a deep ditch.

''Just that?'' his girlfriend, too smart for hew own good, prodded. ''You lost control of the vehicle?''

Chuck exhaled deeply, wanting to forget that night and everything before that. At least everything that didn't include Blair.

''Do you know what we're doing, Blair?'' Chuck asked huskily, straightening up and wrapping his arms around her waist. His breath was warm on her cheek. Healed pooled at the bottom of her stomach and she thought of many different way to release it.

''What?'' her breath was short and thick with fever. Her toes curled as he spoke, forearm muscles taut on valley above her navel.

''Normal couple stuff'' he murmured against her ear and millions of microscopical shivers ran through her body at his slightest touch. The thought bothered her slightly, it left her feeling like an empty canvas and she wanted war paintings on herself, she wanted the discord of yellow and green, bright and dark, dull and vivacious. The last bell rang, knocking down her house of cards and the letter in her pocket burned - singing her skin, reminding her this was the last stand. This was the last riot. The confession was written and all it needed was to be delivered. ''We usually don't do that.''

Tempo had been slow for far too long, the tectonic plates clashed and rifted with impatience. The chemistry that set the stars on fire almost went cold and Blair felt herself flaring up with the last burst of energy. Shifting of the skin was silent, but palpable and she could see the edges of new Blair forming, tearing the seams and emerging with the moves of a tempest. The enticing vixen had always been there - confined, caged and imprisoned. Blair opened her eyes and pushed her hips against him, shoving him out of the way. Surprised grunt hitched somewhere at the back of his throat and she grabbed two plates, not concealing a smirk of her own.

''Don't forget the salad'' she called out to his stunned face, relishing at it with strange kind of victory, and walked towards dining room - not forgetting to swing her hips. It took Chuck several minutes to join her. They sat and ate in piece, all the while she took coveted pleasure in teasing him, pulling his strings and tearing his camouflage. An appetite to make Chuck Bass wild clawed at her and she wanted to taste the reputation he gained. She wanted to unleash him, see him raw and out of control.

''Do you like it?'' she asked with sweetest of the voices. Under the table, her foot slipped from within the flat and she gingerly rubbed his calf.

Chuck almost dropped his fork. He looked up with raised brow, swallowing up very loudly. ''What?''

''Your pasta?'' she said innocently, pushing the spaghetti around her plate. ''Do you like it?''

Chuck gripped the edges of the table as her foot went up, reaching the bend of his knee. ''I - um'' he stammered, inhaling sharply as she reached his inner thigh. ''I - it's - what are you doing?''

''How about some desert?'' Blair proposed, getting up and striding across the table while holding his gaze. His eyes were dark and hungry, and she knew just the recipe.

''What's on the menu?'' he whispered huskily as she sat on his lap. The erection was visible under his tweed pants and her mouth salivated at the sight of it. She felt powerful, she felt - she felt - _desired_.

''Me'' she purred, crashing her lips with his. He tasted like mint and napoli sauce, sharp and piquant. His tongue demanded entrance - and she let him, unable to resist - the pulsating need for him reaching the brink and brimming over the edge. His broad hands squeezed her waist, fell down lower to thighs and pushed one of her legs to straddle him. Blair pressed herself closer to him, sensationally cognizant of his strong musk, thick locks of hair and pulsing manhood rubbing against most sensitive spot of hers.

This could possibly be their last night and she wanted to make it count. She decided to leave him the letter in the morning, before he woke up and let the dice fall as they may. That's why she found herself eagerly nodding when he asked, breathless and panting ''Are you sure?''

Legs locked around his waist, Chuck carried them both to his bedroom. He lowered her down on the silken sheets of bed - they were same since her last night here - but everything else was different. The room was almost recognizable, but those sheets would always have bittersweet taste in her memory.

''Take your dress off'' he murmured, still standing, looking down on her as he undressed polo shirt. He had a lean, but nicely sculptured body underneath. It was a body of a man - an able hunter - and she felt small and silly under his intense gaze. She fumbled around the hem, suddenly insecure and afraid. The tempest was nowhere in sight and she could feel courage starting to dissipate. The letter in her pocket howled with written words, but only she could hear them.

''I've never done this before'' she croaked as the bed sank under his weight. He paused, hovering over her like a predatory animal - only it wasn't a predator - it was Chuck, _her_ Chuck and she had nothing to be afraid of.

''Me neither'' he shrugged, lightly kissing her neck and tracing the line of her spine with his fingertips.

Nervous laughter bubbled somewhere in her chest at the joke and it erupted, mixing with his own peculiar chuckle. ''You're heinous.''

Laughter died out and she felt visibly relaxed, even as his hand slid under the hem of her dress, resting on her thigh.

''Do you trust me?'' he questioned seriously, biting skin under her ear and lapping it with tongue to soothe. Did she trust him?

Yes, she did. She had known him better than she knew herself and denying the fact would be denying what they had. And what they had was nothing laughable, nothing to be afraid - what they had was electric, vibrant and felt like home.

''Yes'' Blair sighed, mildly digging her nails into his scalp.

''Good'' one terse word and her dress was off, chucked down somewhere on the floor. The air was musky, fragrant, traces of saccharine summer's heat lingered in air and on their skin. She was left in her underwear and his lavishing attention made her feel like goddess.

''You're beautiful'' Chuck whispered as he kissed skin under her navel and she writhed under his burning touch, the heat turning almost painful. Anxious for a release and that single act that will finally bind their souls into one - Blair realized the tempest was always herself, not some other Blair - there was no other Blair. There never was, their love has always been genuine - no matter what and this boost of confidence was all she had been waiting.

His fingers were skilled and rapturous as they slid inside of her and she moaned - louder and louder as he gained speed and curled them - thinking if heaven felt like, this was bound to be it. Their eyes met, clashed like stars, always and forever, seeking each other in hunger and darkness. When they were finally rid of all clothes and she could feel every small prickle of his skin on hers, every brush, every caress - she knew whatever was to happen after this - it would never make her feel ashamed or inferior. Because in this barren, unsheltered moment, they were like one and she couldn't tell where she ended and he began.

It hurt, everything hurt, from his weight on her to the tearing in center, but she held the tears at bay as he murmured ''I love you'' over and over again - a chanting - a promise with each sloppy kiss and squeeze of thighs. Her fingers dug deep into his skin on his back, forming small crescents, a brief scar etched by her - and she found comfort in it - found comfort in the fact that she can bruise him as easily as he could bruise her - that she can scar him as easily as he can scar her. And when it was done, she felt she was made of ambrosia and that ecstatic bliss in herself what nebula is made of - an explosion of light in infinite darkness, pleasure beyond any other and his arms were tensely holding her in case she fell apart and drifted off into the galaxies where her home was.

As if that wasn't enough, as if someone said she was to be rewarded before punished, Blair watched Chuck come undone - lose complete cool and control - and she opened her eyes wide, drinking in the way his body thrust into her - like an animal - faster, faster until he growled with exquisite effort - and the violent tremor of his body on her, pressing her closer as their hips grinded - the ultimate friction that created sparks of Olympus. And his hands were painfully holding her - as if to make sure she was there and that she stayed. He collapsed on her, their sweat mixing and their bodies slippery - and all that needed to be said was already told in movement of their figures - the way their legs interlocked - the way her hair sprawled across his heaving chest.

Blair finally felt fulfilled - the missing part of the puzzle felt into place and life made sense again. She felt hungry and contented at the same time, and fell asleep in his broad arms - sweetest of slumbers there ever was. In the morning, just as the sun peaked over Manhattan skyline, ignoring the red stain on sheets - she silently dressed up, made pancakes and left them on the kitchen table with note that would make Mr. Darcy roll his eyes. She kissed his forehead and he moved, slinging his arm over the cold side of her bed - lightly snoring.

She smiled at his sleeping form, forgetting about the primary quest and letter with burning words. Confession left sealed, she quietly left the Bass penthouse, muscles aching and head full of fireworks. The letter itself slipped out of pocket of her dress last night and lay hidden under darkness of his bed - awaiting it's moment to be opened and shift the rotation of the Earth. Dice were cast.

* * *

**A/N:** We're there people... This is the last chance (if this were a printed paper) to chuck this book out the window and never think of it again. No pun indented! From this point on, its everything we've been dreading... and more. Just writing this makes my guts churn. So grab a blanket, hide under it and scream into the pillow like I do at every end of the chapter. :)

I didn't know how you felt about Mature content, so I just kept it vague for this chapter. Please do tell me in reviews if you're fan of it or not so I can see if I should keep it like this or go more detailed. hehe wink wink

Bee tee dubs; sorry for delayed chapter. I planned to start another fic along with this one, I did actually, but after some serious consideration and consultation with some friends here - I decided not to start anything until DIV is finished. DIV (and other fic) maybe wouldn't reach it's true potential, and you'd have to wait longer for chapters. This way, it's a win-win situation. Anyway, let me know what you think of the chapter in review!


	25. Like A Mother Scorned

**A/N: **Mature content in this chapter! Just giving a fair warning.

Sorry it took me some time to upload, but now that I did... you MUST REVIEW. Seriously we've been waiting for this for aaaaaaaaaages! THIS MOMENT. WOW. Tell me what you think! I'm dyiiing to know hehe

(Btw Chuck's bday is actually in January, but I modified that for the purposes of the story)

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**Like A Mother Scorned**

_''Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us.''_

''Mr. Bass isn't home'' maid jadedly called out over her shoulder as elevator bell rang, announcing a visitor. She was leaning over a coffee table in the hall, her back turned to whoever was to come. ''Come back later.''

Upon hearing the sound of the approaching footsteps, she flung down the business magazines she's been alphabetizing and huffed in annoyance, ''Ma'am, we're not receiving any visitors at the moment. ''

Evelyn, poised in the hall like a picture of elegant superiority, carefully took off her coat and handed it to flabbergasted staff. ''Good'' she quietly said, clasping her own hands. The maid was a new addition to penthouse, she noted and excused her impertinence. ''I'll be at my sons bedroom and would appreciate it if you fetched me before anyone came in.''

Maid's pretty face formed into a grimace of surprise and she quickly bowed at the recognition of the visitor. ''Yes, madam. As you wish madam.''

The staff seemed to be getting younger and younger. For a second, Evelyn wondered if her ex-husband hired them for his own benefit or Chuck's? She didn't mind the skimpy outfit, sky-high impractical heels or caked make-up. Evelyn learned at the early years of her first marriage that women were disposable good for men. A note of contempt struck her heart, but she brushed it off as she entered Chuck's bedroom.

His scent lingered everywhere and she inhaled it deeply, small smile grazing her lips. Evelyn's fingers slid over antique dresser with gold ornaments. It was 18th century piece of furniture, once belonging to one of the grand rooms in Versailles. He let her choose this one. For the first time, Chuck wanted his mother's opinion on room decoration. Only, it was more than simple room decoration. It was the bonding process; consultations, debates and eventually - agreements on most of the points. He was adamant in not changing the bedsheets.

She admired the splendor of the room, an effort they both gave to produce something together, as her hands shuffled through drawers, in search of _the box. _Months ago, after the bedroom redecoration was finished, Chuck invited her for dinner and presented her with the handsome mahogany box - a stored place brimming with pictures, memories and buried pain.

''This will always be part of me'' she remembered him saying with forced calmness. ''But I think it's time for new memories.''

Evelyn realized how much resolution it took him to show himself, to shed down shell and be left exposed and barren. After years of drinking down his troubles, Chuck made a decision to share his most private corners of his soul with her. She barely held the tears at bay as she stared at family pictures and Chuck kept silent. They never talked about it again.

Today, she would use those pictures, not for tears but for smiles. Chuck's birthday was in few days and she wanted to surprise him with an album - a handmade gift, crafted with love and care as it should be. One half of the album would be filled with happy pictures of their family and the other half would be left empty - ready for new ones.

As she opened the drawers, her wrist caught on one of the handles and troublesome Cartier bracelet unclasped, rolling under the bed.

''Not again'' she whispered, kneeling down on plush carpet and reaching under the bed. Something thin and solid crumpled under her grasp. Pulling back, she noticed it was a piece of paper.

Specifically, a letter.

A tear-stained letter with smudgy ink.

Embarrassed at invading her son's privacy, Evelyn quickly folded the paper. No, she would not read his love letters. This was his intimate property. It wasn't her business and she wasn't _that_ kind of a mother.

But what was it doing under the bed? Between dried drops and blurry lines, her eyes caught a single sentence that tugged on her heartstrings; _I am a liar._

Who was a liar? What could they lie about? Was someone trying to hurt her son?

She would just take a peek. One peek to ensure this was something trivial, a teenager poetical blow-out.

Pushing the nagging feeling aside, her mother instincts prevailed and with shaking hands, she opened the letter. Evelyn inhaled a sharp breath as she read the first line.

_Chuck_, it said.

_Everything I kept buried in myself, everything I couldn't confess to you... I'm writing now._

_Why am I writing it in a letter? Why do I not simply come up to you and say it?_

_Because looking into your eyes, tracing the lines of your face, I lose every ability to speak. _

_I regret so much, Chuck. I regret so many things that they are eating me alive at night. I regret it for you sake._

_I wish I could turn back the clock to the time when we first met. Do you remember?_

_ I'll never forget that day. It was September and sun was warm against my cheek._

_You were so - different back then. _

_I took me so long to say yes to you because I... I am not the Blair that you know._

_Chuck, I am a liar. My family - you hate them. My brother stole your car and somehow our lives twisted in some sick knot. _

_Chuck, __I am a nobody, somebody you'd pass on the street without second glance._

_I'm a daughter of a housekeeper and sister of a thief._

''Mrs Evelyn!'' voice called out from the hallway. It was the maid. Evelyn hastily stuffed the letter into her purse and got off the floor, her trembling hands wiping the dust from her silken dress.

''I didn't expect you here'' Chuck announced, walking in the room and quickly scanning her face. ''Are you okay?''

Evelyn shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to gather her wits. ''I - I didn't eat anything today.''

''I had some business to attend to just earlier, but you must stay for lunch.'' He took her elbow gently and led her out of the room, his eyes briefly glancing towards bed. She thought she saw a small blush adorn his cheeks, but banished the ridiculous thought away. ''Mother it isn't healthy for you to go about hungry. I know it's Manhattan fashion to starve, but you need to eat something.''

She looked up into his eyes, deep between the thick branches of darkness in the iris, into the void of his essence and searched for the truth.

Did he read the letter? Was he aware of it's contents?

His face was strangely alighted with certain kind of glow, a glow that was almost impossible to come across these days.

No, he must not have read it. Otherwise, he wouldn't act so calm and satisfied. What had happened that the letter ended up under his bed?

It didn't matter. Evelyn sat on the dining table as he pulled up a chair for her. ''Where's Blair?'' she gingerly asked, scrutinizing his face for a reaction.

''Home'' Chuck simply responded, pouring a glass of water for her. ''I'll be meeting her later.''

''You're getting me worried'' she dryly explained and took a gulp to release some tension in parched throat.

''What is that supposed to mean?''

Evelyn forced a small laugh as the maid entered the room and wheeled lunch in. She lifted up the lid and served them each a portion of delicious peking duck. ''I'm just saying you two seem to be getting serious.''

''We are.'' His reply was brief and court as he unbuttoned his blazer.

''Don't you-'' she cleared her throat and waited until the maid left the room. Her voice lowered down, ''Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself?''

Her son didn't reply. He busied himself with slicing the piece of duck, but small crease on his forehead was indicator that mother's words produced an effect on him. ''I love her'' Chuck said as if it was something that couldn't be helped, something inevitable yet not at all unwelcome.

''Love is like a curtain, sometimes'' she mused, thinking about her own failed marriage with Bart. ''A beautiful curtain set over our eyes, clouding our vision. It hides bad things and the truth.''

Chuck looked up, meeting his mother's gaze.

''My darling'' she continued, her voice slightly shaking. ''Love dies. And the truth remains in it's stead, whether we see it or not.''

His jaw clenched and Chuck sighed, ''I've told you all my problems regarding Blair and now you want me to pay for it.''

Evelyn shut her eyes as pain struck her somewhere behind the lids. She didn't want him to regret opening up to her. She didn't want to lose his trust and this newly formed bond. It was a luxury to her, a piece of heaven that she could escape to when sorrow overcame her. Evelyn was a melancholic soul, but her son brought light into her life. He was the last thing she was willing to give up. ''No, I-''

In that moment, Chuck's phone rang and he dropped his utensils with surprisingly unnecessary force. His voice was irked, his eyes flashing lightings. ''You believe I won't be able to be happy with her'' he continued somewhat savagely, his mood quickly turning gloomy and in that moment - Evelyn realized the true extent of Blair's power over him. It terrified her.

''You know what?'' Chuck said darkly, gripping the phone and intensely staring at the flashing number on screen. ''I don't care if I'm happy or not. I just want to be close to her.''

The phone kept ringing, perverting the tense silence, filling ominous room with the tedious noise. A sound of doom, a sound of a bloodshed. How dare she call him? After everything she wrote in that letter?

Evelyn got up, pushing the chair behind and looming over her son. ''Chuck, darling. I'm your mother. I worry about your well-being.''

Somehow, those caring words seemed to soften Chuck. He threw away his napkin and got up too. ''Alright, calm down. I didn't want to upset you. Honestly, at this point... The only thing that could take away my happiness is life without Blair.''

Evelyn gulped heavily, staring at her son. Sacrificing Blair would mean sacrificing her son's joy. A rippling sense of agony seared through her chest and she fought with inner turmoil. ''Fine'' she finally said after some consideration. Maybe the traitorous liar is calling him to confess. ''I think you should answer that.''

Evelyn stroked his cheek as he stared at the screen, impatience in every pore of his skin oozing with desire to answer that call. She kissed his cheek, a Juda's kiss that burned her lips. ''I'll be back later.''

As she walked out of the penthouse, she heard him answer the call, ''No, nothing's happened. Why do you ask?''

* * *

''Are we going to address the big fat elephant in the room'' Chuck calmly said, dismissing the waiter and pouring her wine himself. It was warm evening and Tropic was crowded with prestigious guests who ever-so-often threw subtle glances towards their table. It was still a novelty to see Chuck Bass dining with the same girl twice in a row; let alone with someone whom he called a _girlfriend_. ''Or do you want to keep this charade and pretend nothing's happened?''

Her gut lurched, turning upside down and she gripped the edges of the table. Bordeaux color of the wine swirled and curved around the ends of the glass, and she thought of downing it in a single gulp. The letter was gone. And Chuck made absolutely no indication he read it.

Did he read it? _Where_ was the letter?

She got home last night, happy and overflowing with strange kind of vigor. The morning brought on crude reality. Her body was sore and when she reached for the letter - it wasn't in the pocket. She thought it dropped in his penthouse, but Chuck gave no sign he read it - until now.

''What do you mean?'' she said coldly and quickly took a gulp of wine.

''Last night'' he sighed and looked away, scratching his neck. Was he uncomfortable?

''What?'' she now prodded, genuinely curious of the reason behind his fidgeting. It wasn't very Chuck Bass to fidget.

''Was I-'' he cleared his throat and fixed his bow-tie. ''Was it good? For you?''

Blair stared at him, long and hard. ''Are you joking?''

''Obviously not'' his answer was brittle.

Despite the tension in her chest, Blair managed a smile and put her palm over his. Dynamic between them did shift since events of last night, the flame of the desire burst and changed color, but all of that seemed overshadowed by the anxiety of lost confession. ''You were great.'' He squeezed her hand and she pulled back, muttering and rolling her eyes ''Not that I have anyone to compare you, really.''

''I'll take that as a compliment'' he leaned back on his chair and shot a look towards the entrance.

''Typical Bart Bass'' he muttered, straightening lapels of his grey pinstripe suit. ''First he invites me to dinner and then he doesn't show up.''

Blair picked on her cuticles, a nervous habit she acquired since childhood. ''He's probably just running late.''

Chuck leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially, ''This is our chance, let's dine and dash.''

''You _own_ this place'' she quipped with narrowed eyes. ''You'd be stealing from _yourself_.''

Chuck exhaled heavily, looking away from her in discomfort. ''He doesn't even care about these things.''

''I think he does'' Blair answered honestly, adjusting her headband. Her foot kept tapping, only sign that showed she wasn't as collected as she appeared to be. ''He's trying to get close to you.''

He looked back at her, his eyebrows knotted. ''What does that even mean?''

''Back at the hospital... I don't like thinking about those times, but your dad was scared for you.''

''That man is afraid of nothing'' Chuck stated gloomily, disturbed by memories and recollections.

''Chuck'' a high pitched voice called out and long-legged brunette in tight white dress came into view. She wasn't beautiful, the girl was sexy and everything about her screamed money; from diamond earrings to Giuseppe Zanotti ostentatious heels. She approached the table, completely ignoring Blair and flashed him a full pearly-white grin. ''I hope you're feeling better. You promised me '_next time'_ when we were having fun here. To be honest, I was worried that time would never come.''

Chuck's face was impassive as he stole a glance towards Blair. To an untrained eye, her demeanor would seem cool and unaffected, but he knew she was reeling, seeping with anger, mentally preforming hara kiri on this girl whose name he never bothered to remember. What he did remember was kicking her out of the house the moment she stepped in. It was the time that he realized nobody would ever be able to replace Blair.

The girl looked at his girlfriend for the first time and her smile broadened maliciously. Blair's lips did almost the same thing, but her mimic was twisted, disoriented and Blair blinked once - twice. ''Hello'' she simply said - her tone sickly saccharine - cocking her head. ''I'm Blair, Chuck's girlfriend.''

The brunette laughed, as one laughs at the funny joke one hears for the first time and Chuck imperceptibly shook his head, knowing the crime won't go unpunished. Blair joined in the laughter, a musical sound that sounded disoriented even after brunette's snicker abruptly died out and next sound that was to be heard was a big splash - and _screaming_ \- horrified high pitched screaming.

Red wine stained the expensive white dress, soaking the fabric and painting it with Blair's favorite color.

''Nice to meet you'' she spat and the girl ran away, cowering under stares of the guests, haunted by snickers of bold onlookers and almost barbaric disgrace she just suffered.

Chuck looked at the harmless brunette - like a dog who barks but never bites - tripping over heels and disappearing out of the Tropic restaurant.

''That was ages ago'' he explained as Blair set the empty glass down on the table with unnecessary force. He searched her eyes but they were ice, real color hidden under the frost.

''If you'll excuse me'' she said with unnaturally sweet voice and the tone annoyed him because he knew this didn't go by as a passing wind over Elise Island. He knew it was something to stay, something to raise the waves and murk the waters. ''I have to visit the ladies room.''

''Blair'' her name was like a plead on his lips and he followed her - would follow her all the way to the end of the world and he would jump from the edge of the Earth if she did too. Not once did she pause, not once did she trip. Her walk was elegant and graceful and whirlwind of _chaos_. He met the eyes of the guests and they quickly looked away, busying themselves with food on porcelain plate.

''Everyone'' Chuck ordered once he followed her into the restroom. Women and girls squeaked, not at the male figure in women's WC, they squeaked at Chuck Bass - The _Heir_ being in the same room with them, talking to them. ''Out. Now.''

They scurried away and he locked the doors after them, putting the key in his breast-pocket. Blair paced in front of the line of the sinks, her image in mirrors all pursed lips and hands on hips. ''I'm an idiot'' she whispered, her steps angry and sharp.

''Blair-'' he tried to interrupt, reaching for her elbow, but she shook him away and resumed the hysterical pacing.

''Don't touch me'' she seethed, not looking at him. ''Don't you fuckin' touch me, Bass. I forget. Every time, I _forget_!''

''Forget what?'' he stoically asked, leaning down on the sink and warily watching her.

''I forget the army of the sluts you left in your wake'' Blair grit through her teeth, stopping in tracks and turning to face him. ''I forget the laughing at my face when someone mentions I'm your girlfriend! I forget the dozens - no, hundreds - girls that slept in your bed before me! I hate that they drool over you as we walk practically _anywhere_. I get this sick feeling in my guts and it's like a disease that I can't get rid of! It makes me angry, it makes me _furious_ and I -''

''You're wrong'' he interrupted her rant, crossing his arms and staring at the floor with stone hard eyes.

''About what exactly?'' she breathed out, somehow glad for his opposition because she so badly wanted him to say that she was delusional, even if he lied.

''You're wrong'' Chuck firmly said, looking up at her with serious eyes. ''There were hardly hundreds. Maybe six or seven dozens.''

She stared at him- long and hard - her face tinged with red, the bloody bordeaux color, color of rage and her palm struck towards his face. Before it could land on his cheek, Chuck seized her hand and roughly pulled her towards him, trapping her body between his broad frame and black porcelain edge of the sink.

''Let me go'' she ordered infuriated - hating him - hating his touch, his scent, the way he fit against her. She fought, trying to wriggle out of his firm grip. ''You motherchucker!''

''Mmmm'' he provocatively moaned into her ear, pressing himself into her backside and surprisingly enough - she found him hard. The revelation excited her and she cursed herself for it. His fingers played with hem of her skirts, brushing her thighs and evoking a series of uncontrollable shivers. ''I love it when you talk dirty to me, Blair.''

''You revolt me'' she spat half-heartedly, finding her body responding to his touch - his _wicked_ touch over her sensitive skin - as the other hand held her caged, unable to move. Cold surface of the sink pressed into the searingly hot skin of her thighs and she remembered last night with disturbing vividness. Her insides clenched, craving more - more of him. Impatient and slowly losing control, he turned her head towards him and forcefully kissed her, thrusting his tongue in her mouth.

She liked it - loved the reckless cruel assault - but Blair wouldn't let him get away like that. After kissing him back for briefest of the moments - a naughty tease - she suddenly bit his lip - _hard _\- and he pulled back cursing. His pressure on her clitoris hardened in retaliation and strange primitive sound escaped her throat.

''It was just you'' Chuck breathed into her ear, nibbling on her shell and she looked at herself in the mirror - a feral animal, a tigress trapped in sweetest of the cages. She caught his eyes and quickly looked away.

''What?''

''Nobody slept in my bed'' he whispered, hitching up her skirt and rubbing his palm over her panties. She could feel herself dripping wet, responding to his delicious touch. ''Nobody except you.''

With those words everything evaporated, disappeared somewhere unknown and unreachable - somewhere trivial and unimportant. Nothing before them mattered and nothing after came to exist just yet - it was just them - here and now and his touch in her center and her arching of the back.

His name on her lips was a prayer and she groaned as he forcibly bended her over the lavatory, holding her down with his forearm. The sound of the zipper, the sound of wrapper being torn open, and spitting the piece from between his teeth; those were the sounds that made her knees buckle and she bit her lip, waiting for him to fill her up. Chuck put the condom on and ripped the white lacy panties with one swift motion as the other hand still held her pinned down, her cheek pressed against the smooth cold surface. He entered her from behind and Blair cried out in pain - still sore and tight. His thrust hurt just like the first one and she shut her eyes, thinking about that sweet ending as he painfully pumped into her, filling her to the brim. It was fast, it was urgent and someone was pounding on the doors, someone wanted in - but they didn't care, they didn't care about anyone but them.

Chuck pulled on her hair and had her flush against him, ''Look'' he grunted, holding her jaw as he roughly thrust into her with swiftness and her breasts spilled over her bra, her nipples hard under his assault. ''Look at us.''

She yelped as the heat built up, almost reaching it's peak and his fingers curled around her chin, forcing to see scene in the mirror. They were untamed, they were raw, they were stripped bare of the fears and anxieties, a dance of desire and urges - and she saw herself with brand new eyes. With wild, mesmerizing eyes, she saw herself driven to the edge and Chuck pounding into her, teetering her off balance and she screamed into his hand, reaching the climax and falling apart once again. It was different from last night, this was violent and swift, and fueled by need and anger. Pleasant, tingling shivers spread through her body, a wave of quickly fox of ecstasy and she went limp after it was over, leaning over the sink, swaying with the forceful momentum - back and forth - until Chuck reached his own end.

He piled on top of her and their breaths clouded the mirror as they took a moment to descend from the highest of the highs. The knocking on the doors seemed to cease and Chuck pulled out of her.

''Here'' he breathed, handing her the paper towels. ''Clean yourself.''

She wiped the area around her inner thighs and tried to fix her attire. Blair took the underwear from the floor and threw it in trash. ''You've ruined my panties.''

''Good'' Chuck smirked as he took off the condom. ''You don't need them anyway.''

He approached her, his cheeks still flushed and planted a kiss on her forehead. ''I want to give you something.''

''A key to the doors?'' she asked, straightening her hair that turned into a real mess.

''Something I wanted to give you last night'' he continued, getting a box out of the pocket. ''But you ended up distracting me and completely thwarting my plans.''

''How despicable of me'' she rolled her eyes, ignoring the sense of anxiety boiling in her guts. ''What is it?''

Chuck produced a small box out of the pocket, playing with it, inhaling a deep breath. ''It's nothing grand. I just - I wanted you to have something of mine.''

Dazed and confused, Blair slowly opened the black velvet box. Sitting on the cushion was a silver ruby ring. It was beautiful and simple. It was perfect. It was very - _her_.

''This...'' she gulped, looking at the shiny ruby diamond and back at her boyfriend. Her eyebrows knotted.

''Relax'' he rolled his eyes and rubbed his neck. ''It's not like I'm proposing you. Think of this as a sign of an affection.''

''I can't take it'' she shook her head, feeling like she was cheating on him somehow, and offered him back the box with resolute eyes. ''Besides, it's _your_ birthday in this weekend. _I_ should be the one buying you presents.''

''You have to take it'' he insisted, taking hold of the box. Chuck took the ring and put it on her ring finger. ''I already have everything I wished for. If you buy me anything for my birthday, I'll just buy out whole Tiffany's and have them deliver everything at your doorstep.''

He turned around, ignoring her scowl and unlocked the doors.

''If I wanted to christen that restroom'' Bart commented dryly as he met them at the bar. ''I would have called a priest.''

Blair managed to pretend not to hear anything, looking around with newly-found interest of the Tropic menu. Chuck simply put his arm around her shoulder and steered her towards the exit. ''Good to see you too'' he added to him with equal tone of voice, walking out. ''Thanks for the lunch.''

* * *

Blair was on the seventh cloud when Chuck dropped her off home. She fingered the ring, getting used to the strange sense of metal on her pale slender finger. She whistled a merry tune and pocketed it just as she passed Gerogina in the hall. The girl gave her evil eye and sneered, taking the elevator to her apartment. Blair ignored her and climbed down the stairs that led to her apartment. Her merry tune died out as she opened the doors and saw Evelyn ex Bass sitting on her small shabby couch, next to her own mother.

Somehow, Evelyn didn't look disgusted by the poor interior. She didn't stare at the patched up quilt or dusty floor or pipes randomly peeking out, sending out strange loud noise that used to scare Blair when she was a child. Her eyes didn't roam over the ancient TV or funky smell coming from the kitchen. Her face was impassive.

''Close the door child'' said mother from her spot on the sofa. ''Come and sit with us.''

Everything about the scene seemed wrong, ridiculous. Evelyn's perfectly manicured nails seemed absurd against her mother's bitten ones. Her perfectly styled hair stood aghast against the bleached walls and holey curtains. There was something in the way that she sat on that couch, something in darkness of her narrowed eyes that Blair realized it was game over.

''Since you forgot a book'' her mother said as she sat stiffly sat down on a sofa opposite of them, the old hinges creaking under her weight. Blair eyes the hole in mother's old slippers and socked toe peeking out of it. She saw it all with sharp gaze, a gaze of a strange, a gaze of Evelyn. ''Your friend's mother brought it for you.''

''I have to go'' her mother smiled kindly, the only honest grimace in the stuffy room and she got up, fetching the cleaning products from the table. ''Thank you for bringing that book to my daughter '' she bowed to Chuck's mother. Blair saw Evelyn's eye twitch, the only movement under her cool facade.

''Blair, tea is ready so please serve this kind lady.''

Blair sat frozen even as her mom left the room and she stared at the floor, unable to lift her head.

''I have something that belongs to you'' said Evelyn, but the sound was grotesquely calm, cool, yet the fire of her words burned under the edges of the font. ''That's why I came... _here_. To return something of yours and I'm not talking about the book.''

Blair heard the opening of the purse, shuffling of the paper and the letter dropped into her lap. It was there, in her hands. It had never been lost. With trembling fingers, she picked it up and stared at it, avoiding Evelyn's eyes, eyes of a person she admired - eyes of the person she loved - because her eyes matched Chuck's.

''I...'' she tried to stammer something, anything to break the choking silence and a pair of narrowed eyes that burned into her head. She was painfully aware of the fact that Chuck's mother knew words of the letter and her guarded secrets. Apparently, they were secrets now more. All that was left now was ashes of the burning flames and terrible haunting truth of her lies.

''_You_'' Evelyn spat, a sound unsuitable to her graceful face and frame, but it was there - coming out of her rouged lips. ''Do you think this is all a game?! You will stop making a fool of my son! I will _not_ allow it!''

It was all ruined. Blair buried her head in hands, ''That was not - I did not -''

''I read _every_ single line of that letter!'' Evelyn burst, rising from the couch and towering over her. ''I know it by heart! How could you do it to my son?''

''I didn't -'' she sniffled, fighting the overwhelming sense that Chuck's mother was right and the ominous feeling it followed after. ''I didn't think we'd end up falling in love. I didn't think we'd let each other into our own lives - and enjoy it.''

Because before him, she didn't believe in love. Happy-ever-after existed only in fairy tales and there were no princes charming. Her daily life was cruel and bitter, until she met him. Chuck Bass somehow single-handedly managed to knock her world down and all stereotypes she developed in childhood.

''_You_ enjoyed it'' Evelyn accused, her eyes flashing lightnings. ''While my son led the life of lies, you enjoyed it. Are you aware of what you've done?''

Doors slammed somewhere on the ground floor, shaking the small windows that showed feet of bustling people on the street. Kettle roared - signaling the water was boiling. Nobody moved a muscle.

''What kind of a person are you?'' seethed Chuck's mother in disgust, crouching down and forcing Blair's hands away to look her in the eyes. ''What are you doing to my son?!''

She flung Blair's hands away and whispered, ''I've trusted you. I've trusted you with my son. How could you fool us like this?''

''I'm sorry. For everything.'' Blair wiped tears from her cheek and dug her nails in her forearms. The pain offered a small relief from the tsunami of guilt and shame that overwhelmed her. ''I'm sorry for not telling Chuck the truth.''

''Oh, but you will tell him'' Evelyn nodded her head like a madman, slamming her palm on the table. ''You'll tell him everything!''

''But - but - what if I lose him?'' Blair whimpered, biting her lip so hard it bled. ''I'll lose him. I'll lose him -''

''Lose?'' Evelyn laughed humorlessly, the noise dripping from her lips like a poison. ''You never even had my son. Chuck doesn't _know_ you.'' Her voice raised, turning malicious, turning sorrowful, turning crazy. ''He never even met you. Chuck fell in love with a girl whom he trusted.''

''You're not that girl, Blair'' she said with finality and stood up, brushing invisible specks from her dress. ''I won't let you lie to him anymore.''

With that, Blair's eyes widened, like a deer caught in a flash of headlight and her fingers painfully grasped Evelyn's hand. ''Please'' she exclaimed with frantic, yet strangely calm voice. She gulped heavily. ''Chuck has to hear it from me.''

Evelyn searched her face, eyes, her clothes, the room she called home.

''Please.''

She recoiled, pulling her hand back and inhaled deeply. ''When?''

Blair seemed to ponder this. She sniffled again, her lower lip trembling, ''Look, I've struggled with myself. From first lie I said to the very last one. And now...'' she blinked hard, her eyes going dark and decisive, ''I'll fight for us even against Chuck himself.''

Evelyn looked at this girl, this strange girl in small crooked room and for briefest of the moments, she admired her. But the disappointment and disgust couldn't be overcome. Chuck's mother looked at her with her son's eyes and Blair didn't cower this time. She mustered all the courage and love she felt for Chuck and pleaded with his mother. ''Please, let me fight. Just give me few days.''

''I give you until day after Chuck's birthday.'' With that she gracefully rose and walked out of Blair's home, never looking back. She didn't give those few days for Blair's sake, she gave them for the sake of her son and his shot at happiness that Evelyn once had - long time ago.


	26. See You See Me

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**See You See Me**

_"I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself."_

It was eerily fascinating how time sped by in summer. Meteorologists keep reminding us how days last longer, but nobody dares mention how seconds tick by with incredulous, unnatural speed. Now imagine that speed combined with the whirlwind of time one finds themselves in when anticipating something that evokes utter fear and dread; an oral exam, dentist's appointment, a meeting with special someone after they text you '_we have to talk_'.

Blair and Chuck spent every moment together, from early mornings to starry evenings, enjoying in summer haze. They walked through Central Park, fed the ducks, went window-shopping in Fifth Avenue, eating ice creams and stealing kisses. Chuck once mentioned Hamptons, pool, sunbathing and bonfire parties with Nate, but she was aware they'd maybe never make it that far and murmured some stupid excuse that wouldn't matter next week.

Morning before his birthday party came and she showed up at his penthouse earlier than they agreed. Tiptoeing in, she proudly held the strawberry cream cake which she made herself. Janice the maid helped her light the candles on it and Blair entered the bedroom to which she had gotten used to already as if it was her own. Nevertheless, she was careful never to leave any item of hers behind. She stopped mid-stride and admired his sleeping face with dose of anxiety and affection.

Chuck stirred from his sleep, hugging the soft sateen pillow and opening his eyes.

''I overslept, didn't I?'' he groggily murmured, not moving from his position, looking at her through bleary eyes.

''Happy birthday'' she sang and sat next to him on the bed, presenting him the delicious goodness. At those words, at the sight of the cake and burning candles, he sat up, rubbing sleep away from his lids.

''Make a wish'' she whispered with a melancholy smile, silently begging for him to wish for their love, for their forever - because she was weak, she was pathetic and she couldn't give him up like that. Chuck closed his eyes and blew on the flames, small wisps of smoke rising in the air. Blair set the cake down and fed him a strawberry with an easy familiarity - a comfort we develop with someone over time, a comfort of a home within another person.

''Nobody's ever made me a cake before.''

''Did you like it?'' she asked, licking the cream off her fingers. She looked at him under the lashes, taking in his white Calvin Klein cotton shirt and the toned muscles underneath it. God, he was so sexy with his sleepy voice and messy hair.

''It's good, but'' Chuck said half-smiling, his eyes soft and liquid amber. ''Not as good as my favorite one.''

He kissed her, pulling her onto him and she surrendered willingly, tasting strawberries and cream.

* * *

Georgina climbed up the steps that led to Millennium hotel and she paused at the newly added sign at the gates.

**_TROPIC_**.

Something electric passed through her body and she grinned as the hired workers passed by, carrying the chairs, tables, lamps - finishing up on the business deal her father recently made. A business deal that probably did her more good than to the company. Finally, she had her chance at conquering the famous Chuck Bass - Prince of Darkness - a chance at her own shot at bliss. It was true, she will admit, she had certain kind of infatuation with him that may or may not have her end up on meds and be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline personality crap, that was it. Just another stunt of her greedy shrink to squeeze out more money.

But that was months ago, she was a different person then. That was after that stupid Blair claimed Chuck was her boyfriend and drove her mad.

Imagine that delusional idiot, purposefully lying to her only to drive her insane. She was just jealous of Georgina and her rich wealthy life. What a pathetic penniless witch. Thank God she didn't need the company of that moron anymore. Blair was toxic, perpetually dangling the fact she got into Constance on first try and G' didn't. Well, screw her.

Georgina was now a reborn person, someone with friends and perspective future. Someone who was to win over Heir's heart, because she knew - deep down - she knew they were meant to be. The chemistry was undeniable and all-consuming, only he didn't realize that yet. They didn't have a chance to meet. But now they had one because this, Tropic club in her hotel, was a sign from heavens.

''Oh. My. God. '' her eyes widened at the sight of two men in business suits, casually chatting in the lobby of the hotel.

''Daddy!'' she squeaked, clinging to his forearm and interrupting whatever he had going on. ''Tropic!''

''Oh'' the man, she recognized him from the news pictures, was Bart Bass. The famous father of The Heir. She stared at him, trying to devour him, restraining herself from hugging him because she felt elated, she felt blissful, having someone that important here - someone that may very well be her family one day. ''I see we have a fan here.''

Her grip on her father tightened and she beamed back at Bart Bass ''Georgina. Nice to meet you.''

He shook her hand and smiled at her father. ''It looks like your daughter is one of the night birds too.''

Georgina's grin grew at the compliment, but it quickly died out as her own insufferably serious father said, ''Absolutely not. Georgina rarely goes out-''

''But I love Tropic'' she quickly interjected, suddenly dropping his arm and shooting him a menacing look. ''It's my favorite club in New York! One and only.''

''Looks like we've found ourselves an enthusiastic assistant for my son here.'' Bart Bass smirked, a strangely genuine smile and she briefly wondered why did he gain reputation of a merciless megalomaniac. The man looked like a delight! ''Only, Chuck doesn't know yet about this deal. I'm keeping this as a surprise for him.''

She beamed at her father, that electrifying feeling once again passing through her body like a train at the mention of Chuck and she reveled in the fact that this would be not only Heir's utopia of hedonism, but also a place where he would work, where he would have to regularly come. And they would meet and they would chat and he would ask her out and they would fall in love and oh - she'd make that Blair eat her shriveling heart out!

''Georgina will start classes soon'' her annoying insipid irritating father sternly said, looking down on her. ''So I don't think that will be possible.''

''Education comes first'' Bart Bass nodded in confirmation, ''Well, then I at least expect you to stop by in the original Tropic before classes start''

Georgina laughed, showing all her pearly whites and vigorously nodded back.

''As the matter of fact'' Chuck Bass' father continued, looking at Mr. Sparks. ''Do you want to come today because-''

''Because your son's birthday is today!'' she finished for him, beaming and Bart's smile somehow faltered. But she didn't see that, she was proud of herself, she had memorized that date from the magazines, would have tattooed it if her brainless parents didn't block her credit cards after that time she took too many pills and some vodka and they were stupid enough to thinks he wanted to kill herself.

Mr. Sparks inhaled a sharp breath and put a hand on his partner's shoulder. ''I'll walk you out.''

''Georgina, why don't you take a look at decorations inside and see if everything is by your liking?''

She nodded and laughed with glee, skipping to the section of the hotel that was now another Tropic club. But instead of going all the way, her grin dropped as she hid behind the wall, intent on listening to their conversation.

''My son's friends are preparing a birthday party for him tonight'' Bart Bass offered, putting his hands in pockets. ''Your daughter would be most welcome to join.''

''Unfortunately, she can't make it'' her father, the despicable hateful creature, said and she knew he was lying. ''We're having some guests over today.''

They weren't having any guests, she thought and grit her teeth as they walked away. What was he trying to pull? Did he want to keep her away from Chuck? Why would he do that when he _knew_ how much he meant to her? What was wrong with him?

She took out her phone and dialed a number.

''Jenny'' she breathed out, her heart pumping like crazy, every nerve in her body on fire. ''Do you think your mom would rent me one of the dresses tonight?''

''Er - sure'' her neighbor answered disinterestedly.

''Won't you ask me why I'm getting a dress? _Today_? Of all days?!''

''I'm kind of busy now-'' Jenny drawled, daring to yawn, that spoiled brat.

''I'm going to Chuck Bass' birthday party!'' Georgina squealed with excitement, catching few weird stares from passing people. ''I've been personally invited.''

''Good for you. Is this all?''

''And you're coming with me'' she continued with arrogant voice, expecting an applause, equal dose of enthusiasm, even greater dose of gratitude.

But all Jenny did was laugh, say ''No'' and hang up.

''Stupid bitch'' Georgina muttered and made her way to a hairdresser. ''I'll just go alone.''

Few hours later, she exited the cab with her hair curled and glossy, nails done, make-up perfect. She was dressed in tight black dress with ruffled sleeves and red Louboutins. Paparazzi lined the entrance and they snapped pictures of guests. People around her oozed glamor and luxury as they climbed the stairs to original Tropic club and Georgina fed on it, fed on the fact that she was one of the invitees - fed on the fact that she would come in, take in the gasps and admiration of everyone.

She knew Chuck would somehow recognize her, come up to her and be shocked by the fact that their fathers knew each other, but funnily enough they themselves never met before. He would politely kiss her hand and invite her to his table, wanting to get to know her. She would sing happy birthday with his friends and they would all want to get to know her too - and she would tell them where she lived, she would tell them her father owned hotels, that she was just like them and she would tell them she would be attending Constance Uni on the fall.

They would gasp, welcome her with affection and some note of jealousy, and they would all be sorry they didn't meet her earlier. She would smile, catch his eye and he would hail them a cab. Chuck Bass would whisk her away and paparazzi would take pictures of the romantic stunt and it would all end up in papers tomorrow, big headline: **WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS BEAUTY?**

''Your name, Miss?'' bouncer on the door asked her for the second time and she snapped out of the daze.

''Georgina Sparks'' she blurted out, peeking through the doors, lightly swaying to music, dazzled by the lights.

''I'm sorry, but your name is not on the list.''

She suppressed a frown. ''Mr. Bass probably forgot to put my name on it. I'm daughter of Jason Sparks.''

He studied her intently and said something in his mouthpiece.

After few seconds, she noticed the row behind her strike her with impatient glances, but she didn't care. The bouncer turned back and nodded, ''Very well, Miss Sparks. You may enter.''

She grinned and rushed through the doors, ignoring queer looks. Georgina gripped her Dior golden clutch and entered the long red-carpeted hall that led inside the main room. People were swarming towards the lights that came from the other end, except a couple standing in the middle. Everyone went around them, careful not to touch them, but not able to glue their eyes away from the embrace. They emitted energy, an aura that demanded everyone's attention, an energy that burned with power of the sun and exploding stars. Party-goers admired the bare pale shoulders of the girl, the handsome grin of the boy, her long bordeaux gown and his bow-tie of matching color. There was something about them that made your breath stop, something that made you want to be like them.

Georgina froze, looking at Heir embracing someone that wasn't her, someone who was as glamorous as the girls on cover of magazines, beautiful as the actresses on TV shows. They looked like something out of a book, something that belonged in fictional world. The girl even had the same dress Georgina used to own! Only, it never looked this good on her. With jealousy brimming in her stomach, she watched them smiling, laughing and kissing. He had a girlfriend? Her guts twisted unpleasantly, wave of nausea passing through her body.

Suddenly, her own dress felt wrong, inadequate, her up-do messy and ridiculous. Georgina felt small, miniature and invisible.

''I heard her father owns hotels'' she caught a whisper of of one of the guests as they passed by. ''He has business with tourism.''

''I heard she said her brother is studying abroad'' the other one said back. ''I wonder if he's hot?''

''Who cares if they're this rich'' the third girl giggled.

With a shock that couldn't be put into words, that Atlas himself would have difficulties carrying on his back, Georgina saw the girl turn her head and the girl, the model, the actress, the rich socialite kissing Chuck Bass... was Blair. Blair the housekeeper's daughter. Blair the nobody, dressed in one of Georgina's discarded gowns, taking everything that wasn't hers to take.

Hotels? Tourism? Her low-life brother Dan was supposedly studying abroad?

What the fuck was going on?

Blair, the housekeeper's freakin' daughter, was kissing Chuck Bass, a son of billionaire, stupid grin on her stupid face.

''Blair?'' Georgina whispered, mortified, crushed and she saw him kiss her hand and take it, leading her to the club - to sing happy birthday, to kiss her and for his friends to admire her. World coiled around itself and something in Georgina snapped. She slowly turned around, exited the club with uneven steps and walked out on the street.

* * *

In the morning, Blair was woken up by a phone call.

''Hello?'' she answered after an unknown number flashed on the screen.

''Did you tell my son the truth?''

The terror passed through her body at the cold feminine voice and she shot up, making herself dizzy with the movement. Blair rubbed her forehead and took a deep breath, ''No, I didn't. I -''

On the other line, Evelyn threatened. ''I'm coming back to Manhattan tomorrow. When I get back, if you don't tell him - I will.''

The silence ensued. Shame scorched through her as she remembered Evelyn's face, a woman that seemed to adore her, that cried on her shoulder and laughed together with her. A woman thats saw hope in her, now only saw something repugnant. Her heart constricted and in the kitchen, someone was doing dishes. They opened the tap, the sound of water loud and steady.

''It won't be pretty, Blair.'' Evelyn sternly added and hung up, dialing noise sharp and brittle.

This was becoming unbearable. She grabbed the ruby ring from the nightstand and fingered it, her thoughts racing a mile per second. Why couldn't she just confess? Why is her tongue refusing to cooperate whenever he is near? Last night was amazing. They danced all night, shared a cake, shoved it in each other's mouth and everyone laughed. Blair didn't mind Serena or Nate, she joined them in laughter and somehow, just for that night, past seemed forgotten.

Chuck whispered _I love you_'s over and over again until it all blurred into one word, into one kiss and they celebrated the night as the pagans celebrated it; with freedom, smell of flowers and movement of body, bowing to the moon and the night.

If she confessed to him, maybe, just maybe, she'd still have a chance. This wasn't just a simple lie - this was whole web of deceit and imaginary life. It wasn't something that was easy to come clean with. But last night, she gained a courage that wasn't there. If she told him, maybe he would forgive her. There was no other choice. This has been dragging on far far too long and her soul ached, needed a break, her soul needed some weight lifted. Because if she kept this on any longer, her spine would crack and she would fall down without ever going back up.

''I need to tell him'' she morosely whispered to herself resigned.

* * *

''Good afternoon'' Chuck politely greeted, nodding to his father and offering his hand to the girl sitting opposite of him. He was supposed to meet his father for lunch, but Chuck wasn't surprised when Bart dragged one of his girlfriends to it. This one seemed younger than usual - too young - and he felt himself inwardly cringe with disgust.

''Chuck'' Bart said, gesturing towards her. ''I want you to meet Georgina. Georgina is the daughter of one of my ... business partners. I wanted you two to get to know each other.''

He opened his mouth and closed it, looking at his father with raised eyebrow.

''She is to attend Constance Uni this fall'' he explained, looking at his son from under the brows with the eyes that were impossible to refuse - eyes that were dangerous to refuse. This girl was obviously crucial for whatever business deal he was making, Chuck concluded. ''I thought maybe you could give her few hints, help her settle in.''

''Really?'' Chuck asked with a mocking smile, secretly glad this wasn't one of his bimbos. On the other hand, he found it absurdly hilarious that his father thought him competent enough to offer someone else advice on classes. It wasn't that Chuck was a terrible student, he had perfectly average grades. It was the fact that Bart went out of his way to present Chuck in light he never saw him. Nevertheless, Chuck would do his part of perfect son. ''Congratulations. Have you picked your major?''

''Management'' she beamed, a strange glint in her eyes that he couldn't quite place. The girl looked like any of Serena's friends, but there was something about her eyes and the way she gaped at him that made him uncomfortable. ''I want to take my father's footsteps. He owns a hotel.''

''Who knows'' added Bart with tight smile. ''Maybe you'll be associates.''

His father caught Georgina's eyes and some silent information passed between them that was unavailable to his son. Chuck suppressed an exasperated sigh, thinking Blair would have a good laugh at the stereotype this girl proudly showed herself to be.

''Alright'' Bart said, rising and straightening his tie. ''I'll leave you two kids to it then. I have to get back to work.''

Chuck was left alone with this girl and the way she beamed at him, it sourly reminded him of the fan-girls that followed him through the years of high school. It made him fidget in his seat, unable to meet her direct blunt gaze.

''Are you hungry?'' she eagerly asked, opening the menu.

''No, thanks. I just had brunch'' he lied, looking down on his buzzing phone, ignoring her disappointed face. He wanted to keep this set up date as short as possible. Blair just sent him a message, saying she wanted to meet him. ''So, what do you want to know about Constance?''

Batting her thick dark eyelashes, Georgina asked all the questions she already knew the answers to. She didn't even bother to correct him when he provided with wrong information, but instead opted for showing her gratitude with enthusiasm. With a suppressed fury and infinite annoyance, she saw him subtly check the watch on his hand and ever so often glance towards the exit.

''Well'' he said after some time, pushing his chair slightly back. ''Is that all? Or do you have another question?''

''Oh'' she said with perfectly composed face though her insides burned, churned with bitterness and anger. That stupid nobody had him twisted around her little finger. Blair had to pretend to be Georgina and have Georgina's life to get him this infatuated. Now that she herself showed up, he was too wrapped up in lies and crap she fed him with to notice the real deal. Not for long, though. ''It looks like you have something else planned today.''

''As the matter of fact I do'' he said, rubbing his jaw and looking away. ''If I helped you today-''

''Yes, of'course'' she jumped up, smiling widely. ''Thank you so much.''

He nodded with relief and rose when her words stopped him, ''But-''

''Yes?''

''I've been wondering'' she said delicately, sweetest of the smiles on her pale face. ''If you're, per chance, going my way? I don't have a car and hailing a cab at this hour is practically impossible.''

''No problem'' he responded, a perfect gentleman. ''I'll drop you off. Where do you live?''

''Upper fifth.''

His eyebrows rose slightly and she marveled in that small movement.

_That's right_, she thought savagely. _Where Blair lives. I bet you're going to see her now._

They walked to the limo and in the meantime, he had a brief call.

''Was that your girlfriend?'' she asked as they sat in the limo and it drove off.

''Was it that obvious?'' he dryly commented, obviously put off by the conversation he had with Blair. Blair said she had something to do, but when he proposed they meet tomorrow, she stubbornly insisted it be today - in half an hour, after she's done with an errand her parents bid her. Her voice was tense and she seemed strained. Mentally, he ticked off the list of the things he recently did and said, wondering if he had any part in it.

''A little bit'' she giggled. ''How long have you been together?'''

''A while now.''

''I see you like to keep private stuff - private.''

''Well if I didn't, it wouldn't be private anymore'' he responded, somewhat annoyed.

''Turn left'' she called out to his driver, pointing to her street.

''Which building'' asked Arthur, lowering down the speed.

''Here?'' Chuck asked, as they pulled in front of the building, shock evident on his face. ''You both live here?''

''Who lives here?'' she repeated airily, playing dumb and purposefully knotting her neat waxed eyebrows.

''Blair'' he murmured, thoughtful. ''My girlfriend. Do you know her?''

''Oh, yes'' she grinned and something at the back of Chuck's mind screamed alarm at the sight of that grin. ''Of'course I know Blair. Actually, do you mind getting in with me? Just for a second? My father sent me today to give you some document, but I completely forgot to bring it with me.''

Chuck didn't even think twice about it or about the fact that there may be a secret agenda hidden behind these words. He readily agreed, thinking he'd just stop by at Blair's after taking the document and followed Georgina to her flat, the area as familiar to him as his own home and his own street.

''Wait a second'' he muttered as they exited the elevator and Georgina rummaged through her purse for keys. He remembered the day Blair's mother peeked from the window and called after her. This was supposed to be that apartment, that floor, that flat.

''Sorry?'' Georgina asked, unlocking.

''I thought Blair lived here?''

_So the bitch lied she was living here? _Georgina suppressed a curling of her upper lip, pressing her mouth to a thin line. ''Oh, no'' she innocently said, opening the doors. ''She lives downstairs.''

_Down in the basement, you poor blind bastard._

''I must have gotten the floors wrong'' he muttered, rubbing his neck. Chuck leaned on the door-frame and put his hands in his pockets.

''I can't remembered where I left that document. I'll have to look for it. Do you mind coming in?''

Something in Chuck's guts twisted and he ignored instinct that screamed at him to turn around and run. Hesitatingly, he entered her apartment, crease between his brows.

''So you came here often? To visit Blair?''

Chuck nodded, sauntering around the room and lazily looking around. Georgina pressed the intercom to call housekeeper's apartment, ''Jane? Jane are you there?'' She wanted to fetch Blair, she wanted her to come upstairs and have them meet each other - in front of herself.

Right then, a bell rang and she opened the doors.

''Do you have any trash?'' Blair lamely asked, wheeling the big trashcan, dressed as Georgina was used to seeing her dressed through childhood; in rags, with tired face and her hair put up in a messy bun - doing the errand of a housekeeper. Her parents must have been busy and left her to do their errand. Blair had no fancy make up, no fancy clothes and her hair wasn't curled to perfection. The mask was gone.

At the sound of her voice - at those strange, raw, alien words - Chuck snapped up his head.

''Actually'' Georgina exclaimed with a cruel smile, her eyes darting from her to Chuck who was hidden behind the doors. ''I do.''

As she turned away, Chuck's whole demeanor seemed to change, his body seemed to tremble, seized with violent fit, and it stilled, stiff as a corpse. Missing piece of puzzle fell in place and it was as if the cover above his eyes - that fuckin' curtain - was lifted, forced open, and he realized all the things he was too unwilling to see. The over-protective parents, the secrets, the attitude towards poor people, towards money, the unanswered calls, unreturned texts, the mystery regrading every aspect of her life, regarding every question he ever asked her and the avoidance that followed it.

He opened the doors wider, letting himself be revealed.

''Blair?'' his voice was a choked whisper, his face set in a grimace that no painter could stomach painting on his canvas.

''It's your lucky day'' Georgina continued from the kitchen, stifling laughter. ''There's not much trash today.''

She came back to doors, white smelly plastic bag in her hand, and relished in Blair's wide tear-filled eyes that didn't move from Chuck.

''Oh, Chuck stopped by'' she went on, her tone merry and joyous. ''When he told me you guys were friends, I rang downstairs but nobody answered.''

She waited for an answer, genuinely delighting in the devastation and complete destruction.

_Karma is a bitch, you two-faced lying idiot._

''Anyway, you came here to get the trash and he saw you'' she shoved a plastic bag in Blair's hand and cheerfully added. ''I told you it was your lucky day today.''

Silence ensued, broken by one wretched sound - Blair's sob. Chuck seemed to shake out of the daze he was under and he pushed past them, storming out of the flat without any word.

Georgina smiled to Blair and shut doors in her face.

* * *

''Chuck'' she screamed as she caught up with him out on the street. He wouldn't stop, but ran - away from her, away from this accursed building, this cursed place that held so many memories, a grotto of false treasure and blooded diamonds. ''Chuck, listen to me! You have to-''

With a force nobody knew she possessed, Blair threw her hands on limo doors and they snapped shut. At first, Chuck wouldn't even look at her. He heaved breaths as if something was gagging him, as if something lodged itself in his throat and he had trouble breathing. The air seemed toxic, everything around him acidic and he felt his bow-tie curling around his neck, choking him.

''Please, just-'' she whimpered, sniffling and his nostrils flared as he looked back at her. He was a picture of rage, oozing with energy and power that was brutal compared to how he was just last night. Worst of all, his wrath was directed at her and he had every reason for it.

''Listen to what?'' he spat, his eyes as dark as onyx. ''What the fuck is going on? Place where you said you lived is _apparently_ not your home? That - that girl - Georgina - the _trash_ -''

He couldn't muster oxygen enough to finish the sentence. Chuck shoved her hands and opened the doors again when she threw her whole body on the doors, blocking it. ''I'll explain everything!'' Blair blurted out frantically, afraid to lose him, afraid that he would go and never come back. Because this was it, this was the turning point and if he left now, he would never ever return and she would die. Her heart pounded in her ears as he stared at the doors of the limo, as if he wanted to smash the car to pieces, his eyes weapons of mass destructions.

''Go on'' he gritted through his teeth, forcing the words out as if they were something poisonous. He let go of the doors and turned towards her. He made mistakes like this before, especially with her; he didn't trust her, he walked away without giving her a chance to explain. Guts churning with acid, deep deep down, he wanted to her to prove him wrong. He wanted her to tell him this was all just another stupid misunderstanding. Because deep deep down, he knew it wasn't. ''Explain.''

His voice was cold and ice, it wasn't soft and reassuring, but he was giving her a chance. She didn't know where to begin, where to start, what was a lie and what was not - she barely knew herself. Color drained from her skin as larks flew away from trees and over their heads, listening to their conversation and still dared to sing. Blair stared at him, as if not really seeing him, and kept silent.

''Look at yourself'' he seethed disgusted and livid. ''You can't even say anything!''

With that, he pushed her aside, shoved the doors open and got into the limo.

With a face devoid of any color, any emotion, she watched the car drive away. Something in her seemed to unplug and numbness took over. Blair didn't cry. Instead, she went back inside and forcefully knocked on Georgina's doors. The culprit all too willingly opened, smirking to herself. The girls, former friends, lifetime neighbors, warily watched each other.

''I realized everything once I saw you with him'' started Georgina, lazily leaning on the door-frame and inspecting her last night's manicure. ''You were so - _unreal_. How could you have possibly make it all happen by being yourself?''

''How could you do it'' Georgina's lips were set in cruel grin, but her eyes were brimming with hatred and jealous and fury. She pushed herself off the frame and straightened, glaring at the girl in front. ''Unless you were pretending to be someone else? Unless you were pretending to be me?''

''I was never you'' quietly said Blair with certain kind of conviction, her upper lip curled into a disgusted snarl. ''_Never_.''

''My house?'' humorlessly giggled Georgina. ''My parents? Freakin' hotel? Is there anything else you haven't taken away from me?''

''I didn't lie because I wanted to be like you'' quickly interjected Blair, calm but feeling herself on fire, feeling her skin singe. How could Georgina ever understand? She who had everything she ever wished for? She who perfectly fit into the picture of Chuck's society, ready to accept her solely on the account of good fortune? Because that's how it went and that was the crude reality. Blair lied because she wanted to be accepted. Simply accepted - not loved, not admired. ''Believe it or not, it's true.''

''Oops, sorry. I forgot you're the expert at honesty'' her neighbor stabbed, and it hurt. ''You believed it, didn't you? You made yourself believe in your lies?''

''I saw you'' Georgina continued, lowering her voice to a deadly whisper and shadows danced across her face, making her look half-demonic. ''I saw you last night, at Chuck's party - next to him.''

''I saw you kissing'' her voice shook and Blair looked back at her with wary eyes, looked back at this obsessed girl that needed serious help. Was she taking her meds? Did her parents know about this? They were usually involved into every detail of her life and was that the case here too? She peeked over Georgina's shoulder, but nobody was home. Is this the reason she purposefully ruined her relationship with Chuck? Because she was fuckin' _crazy_?

''So you were there'' Blair stated, crossing her arms. ''At Tropic. Does your father know that?''

''Does my father know?'' Georgina laughed out loud, a twisted laugh that matched the madness in her eyes. ''You still act like you're above me'' she screamed, laugh dying out, raising her voice to a high pitch. ''You worthless lying bitch! You were holding Chuck's hand as if you were some kind of a princess! You're a liar! That's what you are, Blair - a liar!''

''Believe it or not'' Blair resolutely said, serene despite the snarling assault, ''Everything that I've been through with Chuck was real. _We_ are real.''

Those words that rang with strength and belief and hope only seemed to infuriate Georgina further. She pulled on her own hair, growling ''You're not real, Blair. You're not real!''

''Blair!'' Jane called out, climbing up the steps and watching them with narrowed eyes. ''Enough.''

Georgina's eyes widened at the sight of her. ''Oh, you knew too, didn't you'' she accused, hands on her hips. ''You let your daughter seduce the prince. You thought he would get you out of the poverty, out of that moldy basement-''

''I've had enough of you'' Blair finally snapped and shoved Georgina so hard she stumbled back. Her heart burned at the false accusations of her mother, a person that was completely innocent, and who loved her despite everything; little rebellions, sneaking out and lies she saw through. Jane had nothing to do with this! This was all Blair's fault and nobody else's.

''Blair!'' her mother grabbed her forearm, steering her towards the other direction. ''Let's go! Can't you see the poor girl lost her nerves? Can't you see she's talking gibberish. She probably forgot to take her medication, poor sweetheart.''

''It's over!'' Georgina screamed at her, getting up from the floor. ''This pathetic fairytale is over!''

''Don't go on upsetting her like that'' her mother scolded whispering, still thinking Georgina was just crazy and not evil. They entered their home, a small _moldy_ flat and Blair ignored the heavy lead in her heart. ''Some people are moving out from the top floor, will you help me clean the place up? It's supposed to be up for a rent.''

That night, news were filled with renegade Heir, Prince turning back to his dark side and fighting with paparazzi, breaking noses and cameras. Nobody could reach his phone; not the worried mother, not the persistent lawyer, not the outraged father, not his best friends. His phone lay down on the bottom of Hudson river, carelessly thrown off the bridge. His car caused havoc on Manhattan streets and everyone rushed to Tropic, wanting to see the spectacle first hand. But Chuck didn't show up. He avoided the club and in the early hours of next day - he found himself in front of Millennium hotel.

This was supposed to be Blair's hotel, he darkly contemplated. Hotel where she once worked and he remembered seeing her parents - no, some people that she claimed were her parents. He remembered the feelings he felt then and shame took over him; shame for being so easily fooled, shame that fed his anger, his resentment. Because people tried to fool him before, girls slept for his money, men hung out with him for his parties. He was always step ahead and used them before they could use him. What was so different this time?

What happened that he bit the bait?

Whose hotel was this? Who were those people?

What else did Blair lie about?

''I'm surprised to see you here'' Mr. Sparks said as he shook hand of Bart Bass' son. Dismissing the secretary, he gingerly watched the boy drop down on leather chair. ''I thought you'd be resting today.''

''What do you mean?'' he said, his aloof voice very much like his father's. There was maybe only one difference, Chuck took no regard of the usual formality and general politeness. Strangely, Jason Sparks heard very different accounts of Chuck Bass, but none of them claimed he was anything like his father.

''I heard you had birthday party last night'' Mr. Sparks said, putting some papers away and crossing hands on the table. Chuck's eyes were as equally cold and dark as Bart's. He never met the boy before and finally seeing an object of his daughter's obsession wasn't very favorable. What did she see in him? His eyes kept darting across the office, finally landing on a picture on the desk.

''My daughter and my wife'' Mr. Sparks explained, noticing his interest, taking the frame and staring at it.

''Mother of you daughter'' Chuck muttered, his eyes burning intensely into the picture. Mr. Sparks looked up at him and, upon closer inspection, noticed the dark circles under his eyes, rumpled clothes and messy hair. Did this boy even sleep tonight? And his father wanted him to run the club? What has the world come to?

''That's a common mistake people make. Diana is my second wife'' he set the frame down, thinking he would never mention this meeting to his family. Georgina would be outraged he didn't invite her, but he thought it best fit if she didn't associate too much with this boy. ''Georgina's mother passed away some time ago.''

Chuck Bass didn't seemed to be interested in this speech. He didn't say '_I'm sorry_' like every person said after hearing this information and Mr. Sparks shifted in his seat, uncomfortable by the way this boy stared at the picture and prolonged awkward silence. He cleared his throat. ''Do you know my daughter?''

Bart Bass' son looked at him - long and hard - and then he chuckled, strangely sinister sound. Chuck got up, still laughing to himself, carelessly waved to astounded man and left the office with murmured ''Goodbye, Mr. Sparks.''

Later that night, Evelyn stepped into the Bass penthouse. Her hair was put in a handsome chignon and skin glowed with tan, all credits due to Hampton's sun and caviar diet.

''My darling'' she softly smiled at him, setting her purse down on a coffee table, glad she found him home. In the past, it was almost impossible to get a hold of her son. He never answered his phone and only came home for a shower and change of clothes. Chuck spent his night partying, and if the party didn't go on to the other day, he would be on a plane to some exotic destination. Evelyn Bass didn't miss those days. ''How've you been?''

She approached him, putting hand on his arm and kissing both of his cold cheeks. Chuck stood still as a statue, glass of scotch clutched in his hands, shoulders unnaturally slumped. Usually, he would return the gesture - or at least say something. She waited for him to move, waited for him to acknowledge her, but all her son did was down the scotch and pour himself another glass. ''You look pale. Are you well?''

Where did he get this drinking habit, she mentally asked herself. Nobody in their family drank as much as he did. His mother worriedly gazed at him, searching his impassive face and her heart stopped when she came across that old wall between them. The terrible barrier, the gruesome sense of rejection. The room went colder for few degrees and Evelyn suppressed a shiver. Her son took a sip of the amber liquid and she gulped heavily, praying her motherly instinct was wrong. ''You found out.''

At those words, Chuck's head snapped up and his nostrils flared. It was like someone threw a bucket of ice water over him. ''You _knew_?'' he seethed, an ominous feeling building up inside of him, a delayed reaction to whatever the fuck has been happening these past couple of days. Because this all still didn't seem real, it all seemed like one sick joke and he found himself being the center of it.

''Chuck, there's no need to be sad'' she tried to comfort, tried to pull him back to her. ''That girl is hardly worth of it.''

''You knew'' he grit through his teeth, flinching away. His reserved demeanor diminished and angry beast set into the place. He glared at his mother, fire burning within the circles of his dark irises. ''You knew about those lies?'' he shouted, feeling betrayed, feeling played by _everyone _and the thought of it made him sick, made him furious. ''_That's_ why you tried to pull me away from her?!''

Evelyn cringed as her son raised his voice against her, cringed at the truth of his words, cringed at the hurt he obviously felt. ''I'm sorry.''

''You-'' he growled, his voice breaking and Chuck sharply looked away. Evelyn noticed his lower lip trembled and she felt back of her eyes sting. He swallowed, trying to regain control. When he spoke again, his back was turned to her and she couldn't see his face, but his voice was accusing, ringing with bitterness and pain. ''You didn't say anything.''

''I couldn't, I didn't know what to do'' she hurriedly explained, apologetic and devastated. She couldn't do anything without hurting her son and in the end, the agony was inevitable. ''I wanted you to hear it from Blair-''

The sound of her name was like trigger of a loaded gun and Chuck quickly turned back towards Evelyn, boiling with rage. ''But you didn't say anything!'' he screamed at her, flinging his glass of scotch at the wall in blinding rage. The glass shattered into million pieces, scattering over floor and big stain now decorated the wall, drops racing downwards. Evelyn cowered, hiding her face into her hands, but when she looked up again - her son was gone.

Evelyn felt her eyes stinging with tears, because the bond has been destroyed and they were back to how they were before. She remembered those days and hated it, hated the alienation, isolation and loneliness. She didn't want that. She _despised _it. In that moment, Bart Bass came into the room and wrapped his arms around Evelyn's trembling shoulders, shaking his head in dismay. Janice peeked out of the kitchen and disappeared again, muttering an excuse to fetch the broom.

* * *

**A/N:** Thats a big-ass chapter right there. This is how I planned it since the beginning of the fic. Caught in the act, equal to the Blair she was in first chapters; no heels, no make up, no expensive clothes, picking UP TRASH UGHH *cringes*.

I posted an update because I didn't have time to reply to reviews, but I READ THEM, ALL OF THEM AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR IT. Please, review this one Im DYING to know how the big chapter went because IT FINALLY HAPPENED OMG LIKE WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE? WHAT NOW?! WILL WHOLE CONSTANCE KNOW SHE IS POOR WHEN CLASSES START? WHAT WILL CHUCK DO? AND GEORGINA, U FECKIN FINISHED MATE?! ((I kept thinking Sarah when she spoke lol)) What is going to happen between Chuck and Georgina?

I DEMAND AN UPDATE!

_Brain_: This is your work. You're the author. If you want more, you need to write it.

OH. Hah. Okay, better get to work then and finish the next chapter! Remember, more reviews = faster updates. Hope you enjoyed your weekend xoxo


	27. Beautiful Monster

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**Beautiful Monster**

_''Her melancholy was like a darkness in her; but when she thought of him, it seemed that through the darkness a forked lightning ran.''_

In the middle of the night, when everyone was sound asleep, Blair put a cardigan over her pajamas and sneaked out of the house. Ever since Chuck left the system of the time seemed to break down, crumble to fractures and tendrils - and she forgot how to tell the hour on the clocks. What was day when you couldn't see the sun? What was night when you lost any ability or desire to sleep? Lines between yesterday, today and tomorrow blurred into nonrecognition.

The air was rich and warm, streets packed with party-goers, pub-crawlers and strange night birds. Her eyes saw nothing, ears heard nothing and she sat on the steps in front of Chuck's home, absentmindedly fingering her ruby ring - the only relic that connected her to him.

She sat like that, staring at one spot, for unknown amount for time, not knowing whether it was day or night - and it was pitch dark, it was darkest of the hours - but all she knew was that he wasn't here. Blair sat like that until limo pulled up and she recognized the sound of the tires. Her soul sensed him, his presence couldn't be hidden just like scorching of the sun in summer noon. As if he was something magnetic, a trigger of some sorts, she shot up. Limo paused in front of her and she waited, waited for the moment he would come out, waited for him to meet her. Blair stared at the tinted windows, the glossy black paint and waited, waited, waited...

Finally, after some time - only God knew after how long - window rolled down and she saw him. The top of his head, the messy midnight black hair, sunken eyes, strong straight nose, pursed lips. It's been days since they last met. His once beautiful face now looked marred by her demons that latched on to him.

''What are you doing here?'' his voice wasn't cruel, it was impassive, like a blank page and she inwardly cringed. Nothing hurt more than blank canvas of a painter who once thought you were his muse.

''You didn't come back'' she whispered, words rasped because her throat stung from all the sentiments stuck there. Like a poet, she wanted to save her words for him, wanted to give him what she most couldn't. Blair shrugged her shoulders, pocketing the ruby ring.

She bit her lip, waited for him to give her some sort of answer, an explanation, anything just to hear the sound of his voice. Because days without him were bleak, she was pathetic and weak and knew everything was her fault. He didn't even blink at her words nor did anything to let her know he heard them. Searching for an emotion, _any_ emotion in his face she shakily continued, ''So I came to you.''

Seconds passed as bats flew over their heads, frantically flapping their leather wings. Few blocks away, police siren could be heard and it grew distant until it completely disappeared. The sound was eerie, desolate and scene reeked of misery. Her eyes met his, but there was nothing in them except cold, infinite darkness and she shivered, pulling the cardigan tightly around her. Suddenly, Chuck looked away, retreating back into the darkness of the limo and window rolled back up, cutting her off. The car drove away.

* * *

_Is it a sin, is it a crime_

_Loving you, dear, like I do?_

Slow-paced 1930's melody echoed through Sparks apartment and the singer, once handsome man with slicked back hair and deep voice sang in melancholy. Georgina was swaying with the soothing rhythm of clarinet, smoking a flavored cigarette on a bedroom window and puffing the smoke out in the air. She opened a bottle of pills with her teeth, a prescriptive medicine which she most definitely did not need, no matter what her shrink and parents said. The pills only made her drowsy and boring, draining the life out of her. Georgina shook half of the bottle pills in her mouth and, one by one spit them out through the window.

In that moment, someone rang the doorbell and last pill flew away. Who the hell was intruding on her private delicious moment? Her dad was in Millennium, working and Diana went shopping. That money-grabbing trophy wife usually took lunch and massage so who could it be?

_If it's a crime, then I'm guilty_

_Guilty of loving you_

''Oh, fuck off'' she muttered as the bell rang again, pressing the fag on an outer windowsill and extinguishing the flames. After flicking the remains outside on the street, not caring on whose head it landed on, she fabreezed the room.

''Just a minute'' she called out, coughing and choking on the scent. ''Shit - I'll be right there!''

_Maybe I'm wrong_

_Dreaming of you_

_Dreaming the lonely night through_

Taking off her bathrobe that seriously started to smell funky, she dumped it into hamper and went to open the doors.

''Chuck'' Georgina blurted out startled. She didn't expect he'd come this soon, just couple of days after they met. She devoured him with her eyes, listening to the longing-filled song.

_If it's a crime, then I'm guilty_

_Guilty of loving you_

If this wasn't destiny, the fact that he came _now_, in this moment while _this_ song played, then nothing made sense. It was a sign there were forces in the outer space that fought for them two to be together. They were simply meant to be.

''I don't have you phone number'' he said with that husky voice of his, all hands in pockets and lazy attitude. He looked even better than magazines made him out to be, there was an aura of sexiness about him - something dark and irresistible. ''So I had to come and see you.''

He came to visit her?! She grinned at his words, feeling herself very much important, very much powerful and absolutely victorious. Everything was going better than planned. Something rustled past him on the other end of the hall and Georgina noticed him stiffen.

''Can I come in?'' he grit through his teeth with closed eyes.

Georgina's brows knotted and she saw Blair, rag in her hand, absentmindedly cleaning one of the iron rails on the other side, staring at them with blank expression. She was sitting on one of the stairs and it was obvious Chuck had to pass her to get here.

_What can I do_

_What can I say_

_After I've taken the blame?_

''Sure'' she poised her face to look apologetic, opening the doors wider. ''People upstairs are moving out so it's bit loud today.''

Georgina slammed the doors shut, but not before she threw a self-satisfied look towards Blair, just to rub it in her face.

After refusing a drink, he followed her to the living room. ''I'm really sorry'' she said with saccharine voice and Chuck sat opposite of her, rubbing his hands together and looking away. Laptop stood on coffee table and Georgina quickly closed it, it would be little bit awkward if he saw his own face on her desktop background. She cleared her throat and continued, ''Blair came to me yesterday and confessed everything. That's how I found out.''

_You say you're through_

_You'll go your way_

_But I'll always feel just the same_

She purposefully lowered down her voice to a broken whisper, making herself look picture of sorrow. ''She was so furious with me, I didn't understand anything at first. I became a part of this, without even knowing it.''

Georgina leaned towards him and touched his knee ''I honestly didn't want you to find out like this.''

_Maybe I'm right_

_Maybe I'm wrong_

_Loving you, dear, like I do_

Chuck's jaw clenched and he shifted his legs, moving his knee away. ''Can you turn the music off, please?'' His voice was calm, but she could feel the storm boiling inside of him, she could sense the hidden lightnings striking mutely, yet viciously. The song was promptly killed. Now that there was nothing to mask the noise from upstairs, they listened to thumping of feet and moving of furniture across the floor.

Georgina leaned back on the plush sofa, admiring his features and their angles. God, he was so sexy. His brokenness only managed to make him look even more attractive. He was handsome even when he looked like he hadn't properly slept in days; there was something alluringly rugged about his violent beauty - like Cabanel's Fallen Angel.

''Tell me everything'' his words interrupted her musings and she bowed down her head to conceal a smirk.

The cry for help, the long awaited words. Georgina bit her lip, forcing herself not to grin and she lifted up head, wringing her hands in faux nervousness. ''Before she started classes, when she found out she got into Constance, Blair kept saying how everything would change. How nothing would be the same again.''

Her cunning eyes observed as his fits curled around sofa armrest at the sound of Blair's name. She went on, knowing what she was about to say now will break whatever spell Blair put on him and it will bind Chuck Bass to Georgina, probably forever. It is how things were meant to be, a natural course of the events that pathetic nobody dared to interrupt.

''How could I ever know she was talking about this, right? Blair has always been ambitious, Chuck. Never forget that. She always wanted to have things that were out of her reach, things she could never have.''

''All of her life'' Georgina spoke dazedly, her voice sounding more and more distant. ''She dreamed of life which she wanted to have - a life in magazines. You know; celebrities, fame, luxury. And you were there, in the pictures. She wanted to be rich. She wanted to be famous. Getting into Constance, the prestigious university, was just another step for her.''

Georgina was so submerged in her own story - because it was the story of Georgina Sparks, a little bit modified - and she didn't see the effect on her listener.

''You were the symbol of her dreams, of her ambitions. You were a fine catch - a Prince of Night.''

With that whispered nickname, the nickname magazines gave him, she looked up and focused her eyes on him. Chuck Bass didn't move a muscle, but his face paled to an unnatural color. ''Yes, that's what she called you, a Prince of Night. The Heir.''

At those words, as he heard that fucking nickname - label which he hated and Blair fucking _knew_ he hated it more than anything - Chuck suddenly pushed himself of the sofa and walked away with his back turned, intent on looking out the window. There was a moment of silence and they could hear people outside the doors, carrying furniture from upstairs and talking amongst themselves. ''Go on'' he said darkly, still turned away.

''Having you meant having good future and Blair was aware of that fact. She knew how to play her cards with you, to make you think you were in love. When in reality her goal was to become a Princess, to climb the ladder and reach the top. She didn't care about you at all.''

''It's weird, isn't it?'' she spoke slowly after some time, bemused and picking on her nails. ''I shared my all with her. My room, my clothes, my secrets, but it the end - she took possession of it all.''

She sighed tiredly and got up, putting her arm on his shoulder. ''I'm doing you no good, am I?''

Chuck stilled under her touch and faced her, his expression stone-hard, ''I didn't come here to feel good. I came here for the truth.''

Vividly more perturbed than he came, he turned around and took his leave to go.

''Chuck'' she hurriedly called out before he got to the doors. Georgina didn't want him to go before she was done. He needed to see her vulnerability, he needed to see she mattered too. So her usually loud antagonizing tone of voice dropped to a soft whisper, distorted to make it sound small and inviting. ''I am aware that you don't really know me, but I know what you're feeling. I just went through it too.''

''Alright, Blair lied to you'' she went on after he kept quiet, taking a step towards, her face mask of weakness. ''But she was using me while lying to you. She was using my life and all I had. It will take me some time to forgive her and to forget about it. I don't even know if I can do it, if I can forgive her.''

''I would'' she looked up at him, only he was staring at the spot next to her head, impassive - but listening, yes, listening intently. ''I would like to have you by my side.''

''Georgina'' he finally spoke, looking at her straight in the eyes and once again she saw the lightnings in it, the storm he was hiding and carrying inside of himself and it excited her, yes, his chaos fascinated her and she wanted him - all of him. ''You have no idea what I'm feeling.''

Georgina was about to say she knew _exactly_ what he felt, but someone entered the apartment and interrupted them.

Chuck turned to look at Diana as she got into living room and the mask of his indifference fell, there was contempt and there was terrifying anger.

''I don't know if you two met, but Diana is my father's wife. This is Chuck Bass, my future colleague.''

Diana, clutching the shopping bags, was dumbfounded to see Chuck Bass stand in her apartment and talk to her step-daughter. An object of G's obsession was _here_, in their home. After over-coming the primary shock and confusion, she offered him her hand. ''Nice to meet you, but I'm pretty sure we've met before. Haven't we?''

Chuck glared at the woman, her hand hanging empty and Georgina quickly picked up on his hostile emotions.

''Chuck is about to leave'' she injected, looking at him with that amorous look. ''I'll give you my number, let's meet again.''

As Diana gaped at the scene, they exchanged numbers and he left with ''I'll be seeing you more often.''

''Did you hear that? Did you hear what he just said?'' Georgina smirked at her step-mother and danced to her bedroom, singing ''If it's a crime, then I'm guilty - guilty of loving you!''

* * *

Nate had been dreaming of winning Lacrosse State Championship - the sweetest of the dreams. Last year they lost to Harvard Crimsons, just barely. Constance placed second and with a heavy heart they took the silver. This time, the team lifted him on their broad shoulders, carrying him around on waves and he roared mightily, raising the shiny golden cup in the air. Crowd around him chanted his name, pumping their fists in the air.

''Nate! Nate! Nate!''

He greeted them with a loopy grin and kissed the trophy, but the chanting started to deform, disorient and the crowd wasn't elated anymore. He felt the rough hands underneath him shoving him, pushing him. Their voices weren't enthusiastic, people were getting angry, the mob swarmed around him - intent on drowning him - and they angrily yelled _Blair _over and over again. What the hell?

Nate looked around him confusedly and trophy disappeared out of his hands. Faces of the crowd started to melt away and their voices blurred into one, a beastly growl;

''Who are you, Blair? Who the fuck are you?'' his best friend shouted from the living room and Nate forced his eyes open. ''Who the fuck are those people? Those people that you claimed to be your family?!''

Panicked, Nate shot up from his bed with speed of light. His feet tangled in the sheets and he fell face first on the floor.

''Is it because of money?!'' his best friend continued from the room next door, wrathful roaring carrying through house and that was the guy who almost never raised his voice. Chuck was all silent threats, never losing his cool for anyone. Cursing, Nate got off the floor and started toward the ruckus, breathing heavily. ''Because of this _luxurious_ way of life?!''

''So you'd finally get rid of that girl living in the basement?'' he was hovering above Blair, seething at her with livid face, a face Nate never saw before. It down-right froze him, the fiendish look chilled his bones. Blair was cornered, she was pressed against the wall, yet gave no sign of fright.

''I'll forget what you just said'' she said meekly, staring straight ahead at his chest.

''But I won't!'' Chuck punched the wall next to her head and that's when Nate shook the daze off, broke out of the sleepy confusion and he jumped between, pushing him away, worried he would actually hurt her. By the looks of it, he was intent on hurting her and the situation turned alarmingly serious. ''I'll never forget what you did to me!''

''Let her go!'' Nate grit through his teeth as he struggled against him because Chuck didn't seem to think he was nearly done. This wasn't like Chuck, especially going after Blair. No matter what happened between them, Chuck was the one that would rather flee against her than fight.

''Stay out of it!'' he spat at him, trying to get to her, make her hurt, make her cry, make her _pay_.

''What the hell are you doing?!'' Nate blurted out, stunned as his best friend didn't back down, but continued to struggle and continued to seize after her. Nate was trying to cage the beast, trying to restrain it, but Chuck was rampant and wouldn't listen to anyone. ''Calm down!''

''I said stay out of!'' he snarled, trying to escape the prison of restraining hands. Nate was an athlete, he was strong, much stronger, but Chuck's fury knew not how to be quenched.

''Blair, just go-'' blond man hurriedly called to her over his shoulder, knowing his strength was failing and it was matter of seconds when his resistance would break. The situation was getting out of hand and he couldn't stop the sense of panic rising in his chest. Did he go crazy? Did he seriously want to injure her? Did he seriously want to harm Blair?!

''I'll never forget what you did!'' he growled like an animal, baring his teeth at her as Blair dared to look at him, she dared to look at him with those big-doe eyes, trying to lure him to the trap, trying to get him fall for the bait again.

''Blair, please!'' Nate nervously pleaded and finally she backed away, still staring at him, still trying to lure him and finally - she was gone.

It took him an hour to calm down. It took him an hour to exit his room and when Nate saw him, he opened his mouth ''Chuck-''

''Shut up'' his best friend bristled with hoarse voice, pulling a glass from the counter and filling it up with scotch. The amber liquid glistened like an elixir. ''I told you to stay out of it.''

''I...'' Nate began, looking down on his hands, his thumbs twirling anxiously. ''I know everything.''

Chuck froze, holding the glass to his chest and he stared straight ahead. The apartment was eerily calm and silent, not even the noise from outside traffic daring to penetrate the walls of Archibald home.

''I followed Blair yesterday - to her home. I mean'' he pulled his fingers through hair, exhaling heavily. ''I didn't go inside, I didn't go _downstairs_ \- but I saw.''

Nate put a hand over his eyes, this situation too fucked up for his liking. Few days ago, Chuck came to him in the middle of the night and since then moved in. He wouldn't tell anyone what was going on with him or why did he move out from his home. Serena was thankfully in Hamptons - still oblivious, his parents were worried sick - especially Evelyn, Bart was just furious - and Nate noticed Blair was nowhere to be found in this. Chuck never mentioned her anymore, he didn't talk to anyone since that fiasco with paparazzi happened and Nate didn't ask any questions. He knew better not to ask.

Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, his friend's weird behavior was worrying him. They used to share everything; crazy escapades, love troubles, insane stunts. This was nothing like that. Chuck isolated himself completely, would randomly go out even if it was middle of the night - no phone, just wallet - and sometimes he wouldn't come back until next day. Nobody knew where he went, upon dialing his number it went straight to voice-mail. His drinking got worse, he'd start fights for no reason. Other times Chuck was like a ghost, a shadow of his former-self; never talking, never sleeping.

Nate went to Blair's address because she ignored his calls and he wanted her to forgive Chuck for whatever he had done this time, wanted her to come and fix him as she usually did because things were getting out of control, out of his ability to help. He saw her then in clothes he'd never imagine on her - something so simple, so _mundane_ \- and she was brooming the floor of the building. Nate remembered the cramping muscles of his face as he stared because he couldn't help himself, he stared as Serena's former maid - no, as _Blair's mother_ came - emerged from the basement, an apartment the size of his closet and he watched them chat. Though Nate was bred in masses of luxury, he couldn't think worse of her for that and he came to her as her mom left and they talked and she was as she always seemed to be, except Blair burst into tears in the middle of the conversation. Nate held her as she cried and he whispered to her ear that Chuck was staying at his place and he left, understanding his behavior, finally understanding what was going on - but not grasping it completely - no, not quite.

''What you saw'' his best friend continued gloomily, clutching the glass tightly in his hands, very close to breaking it ''Her parents, place she lives in-''

Birds outside chirped, breaking the tension filled silence and Chuck dropped down his full glass, amber liquid spilling over edge and dropping on shiny surface of coffee table. His voice turned somber as he said ''I would never care - it wouldn't matter if she told me she was housekeeper's daughter.''

Nate looked up with raised eyebrows, gazing at this hunched figure with pity, with sadness, with sympathy.

''Would I stop loving her for that?'' Chuck continued on whispering, his face hidden in shadows.

Grandfather clock boomed, announcing the noon and it broke whatever trans he was under. It ticked away inconspicuously, but the invisible deed was done. A shift in the air, a roll of the shoulders and slow humming of the fan on the ceiling. He looked up glaringly, emerging out of the shadows and into the light - blazing inferno in his eyes. ''She lied to me, Nate. Blair set me a trap.''

''She thought I was a fool'' he said venomously, his eyes dangerously narrowed and there was something menacing about his whole frame as if it was poised to strike. ''And don't think I don't know it was you who said I was here.''

''Chuck, man-'' Nate finally found his tongue, but it seemed tangled, heavy in his mouth and he pressed back on the seat of the couch, fingering the end of his shirt.

''Save it, Archibald. I've packed my bags already'' he continued hotly, taking the glass and downing it in single motion. Everything about him oozed with loathing and Nate shrank back, this whole fucked up mess out of his league. ''She wanted to play games with me - I'll give her games.''

* * *

''Don't mind me, kid'' baritone, but very smooth voice crept up and Blair's head snapped up, breaking out of the daze.

The harbor was brimming with yachts, all of them luxurious and as fine as this one. Guard patrolled the area and ever so often threw amused glances towards them. Blair assumed she wasn't the first underage girl to find herself here. She threw her new boss a disdainful gaze and continued to clean the yacht rail with one of the rags, not even bothering to be embarrassed about spacing out.

Blair tiredly wiped her forehead, her head burning under the noon sun. The glorious, bit over a 20 meter boat was the home of Edward Morelli, a 30-year old man with questionable home choices, but pristine manners. Written in black cursive letters over caramel hull, _Vero_ was a handsome mobile house of this polished, peculiar man.

''Sea has a calming effect'' Edward murmured, leaning on the rail and crossing arms across his broad chest. Rays of sun danced over the azure surface of the sea and the yacht swayed lightly. Blair warily scrutinized him, assessing, figuring out; his tanned skin, breezy linen shirt, bare feet and the queer way he watched her back as if all of her secrets were written on her forehead.

''Kid, are you always this angry and nervous?'' he grinned, pearly white teeth glowing against the sun and Blair bit her lip, forcing herself not to snap back. This was her mother's job every summer, but Jane wasn't feeling very well lately and Blair had to take it up. She'd be proper idiot to get fired on a first day, no matter how appealing that idea sounded.

''I'm not a kid'' she coldly replied, vigorously scrubbing the rail. A feeling of bitterness brimmed over her chests, a sour angry residue that persisted within her since the last encounter with Chuck. ''I'm a full time student and your employee, in case you didn't notice.''

''Still angry'' Edward observed smirking, eyes hidden behind black Ray Ban wayfarers. The guy was 10 years older than her, which wasn't too old, but certainly not old enough to call her a kid. She resented his amusement and resented her own annoyance at the meaningless nickname, but there was something about him she couldn't put a finger on. ''Sea is good for people. It can even make you laugh when you're feeling down.''

She doubtfully looked up from her position on the floor and glared at the expanding horizon. It seemed like nothing could erase the creaking of her bones, the tightening of skin - a feeling like her insides were trying to escape out of the prison of the body. Was sea capable of miracles?

Blair bemusedly eyed the inviting horizon, a spot where sea and sky kissed, two entirely different shades of blue, yet each one reflection of the other. She couldn't deny, the scenery was mesmerizing and even more lulling. A peaceful serenity seeped over the bitterness and she inhaled fresh, salty air.

''I see what you think me to be'' Edward pointed put, looking up at the screaming seagulls above them. ''You think I'm here to ogle young ass, I beg your pardon, and lure your oblivious self into my cabin.''

Blair dropped the rag completely and shot up, glaring at this man, at this strange persona her mother set her up with, ''Are you confessing?''

''Don't worry, kid. You're too young for my liking.'' He chuckled, cocking his head and lifting up the sunglasses to rest atop his sandy hair. Despite the refined appearance and teasing manner of talking, his blue eyes were tranquil. ''How about you tell me what's bothering you and I'll be so kind to spill precious pearls of my wisdom? That way we'd get to know each other and make our meetings little less awkward? Or do you want me to find another cleaner?''

Blair shifted in her spot, knowing this was blackmail, but despite everything something told her Edward wasn't that bad - no, not bad at all - and she went back to cleaning the rail, succumbing back to the gloomy mood. Maybe she could use an ear, someone who would hear her out. Talking to family was out of the question, every single member decidedly hated Bass lineage and they would send her back to village before she said Chuck. Nate was too involved, Georgina was practically stealing Chuck away from her and Penelope was too busy preparing to start her semester in London this year. Blair sighed, realizing how alone she really was. Few minutes of silence passed before she was sure of herself to speak again, ''I've disappointed people that I love.''

''Go on'' he encouraged, going behind the bar and pulling out two glasses. ''I'm listening.''

''I've lied to them'' she breathed out, averting the gaze back to the soothing waves that hit the mast. ''I lied to the one I love the most. To my family. To everyone. Even to myself. Finally, every lied unraveled and I was left with what I am.''

Somewhere at the end of horizon, a sailboat sounded it's horn and spread the white wings. It was just a dot against the sinking sun, against the orange light spilling over darkening waves. Despite the extraordinary relief she felt as the secrets diminished into the gust of air, the burden of their consequences was still there - if not even heavier. How was she to fix this? How was she supposed to gain his trust again? Chuck, who felt abandoned from his family and friends for years finally found her and she turned out to be worse than them. While they were indifferent, she was a pretender.

''I don't think what you are is something to be ashamed of'' Edward grabbed few bottles and popped open the screw, spilling liquid into the shaker.

''You don't know me.''

''I think it's how you perceive yourself, how you let yourself be defined by things that are obviously not you.''

Blair turned back to him, watched him slice a lime and those words rang across the salty air, hovering somewhere in her mind. They were comforting, a newly found resource of strength and she felt as if she was only beginning to see who Edward Morelli was, scraping his surface and outlining his form.

''Why don't you show those people that you lied to'' he approached, handing her a crystal glass filled with yellowish clear liquid. ''Show those people that you obviously love who you really are. But first, have a margarita.''

Mulling over this words that were surprisingly invigorating and comforting, she took a gulp.

''It's virgin'' Blair noted with disappointment.

He smiled at her in humor and at that moment, Diana Sparks entered the deck, heels in her hands. ''Blair?!''

They both turned around towards her and Edward raised his eyebrows in surprise ''You know each other?''

Blair noticed the slightly panicked, maybe even hostile look Mrs Sparks directed at her. Mrs Sparks gaze kept flickering from her to her new boss, and her eyes barely blinked.

_She is my neighbor_, Blair wanted to reply, but Diana instead said ''Blair is housekeeper's daughter in my building.''

Blair's fists curled and she looked away towards the sea, towards the horizon.

Edward cleared his throat, still smiling but his eyes lacked that peacefulness ''Very well, Blair you can have the rest of the day off. I'll see you again.''

She nodded, dropped the rag and tightly smiled at Diana. Did Georgina tell her? Is that the reason she looked at her with such hostility? Did her step-daughter share what happened with her family? It didn't matter now. Blair left the harbor, glad for some time off because the day was heavy, busy and every time her hands were involved in manual task - mind was too idle and it kept reverting back to Chuck.

It was already evening when she spaced out again, an often occurrence these days. Standing in the middle of an empty apartment, she leaned her chin on the broom - thinking about him, always about him and how she wished she told him the truth, how she wished she stood her ground and claimed his heart despite everything. The place about her was filled with cardboard boxes, but there weren't many of them. There was oddly small amount of furniture as if whoever was to come didn't care about packing at all. But her eyes didn't notice anything. Her brain didn't wonder who was to move into this new apartment on such absurdly short notice, like the rest of the people in the building did.

Doors unlocked and a voice, a voice which she would recognize anywhere, a voice that sent shivers down her spine said ''If you're done with cleaning, get out.''

Blair whipped around and thought her imagination was playing tricks on her, the need for him so great that her mind produced his real-life image. Only the picture was wrong, distorted in some sense because she would never imagine he would look at her with such vivid abhorrence, such blazing fury that petrified her.

Chuck was here, in her building, in the newly-rented apartment and he had murder written all over him.

''Didn't you hear me?'' he spat after some moments of silence, looking down on her with animosity that made her blood curdle. He impatiently pushed the doors open, ''I said get out.''

_Show those people that you obviously love who you really are, _the words sprang in her mind, the soothing sound of lapping waves and she didn't flinch as he snarled at her, didn't cower under his unforgiving glare.

Blair swiftly shut the doors, throwing herself at them and looked back at him with resolution. She wouldn't freeze this time, she wouldn't succumb to his rage and her shame. Her betrayal hurt him, but he needed to know she loved him, he needed to know there was reason behind the lies, a blatantly foolish reason, but one nevertheless. ''You'll listen to what I have to say first.''

His eyes widened, but only slightly, and their gazes clashed, a crash of fire and water - because he was lava, deadly weapon under smooth surface and she was water, she was leagues and leagues of mystery under the chaos of her ever-shifting tides.

''Just let me explain'' she was persistent, but stopped talking, stopped breathing as he approached her, as his musky scent enveloped her senses and she found herself back in the past, lounging on his bed, warm in his embrace. It was amazing how a simple perfume can transport us back in the past when everything else was different, when line of time didn't exist and we thought those days would last forever. For a second - for a fleeting moment it looked like he was going to put a hand over her shoulder and lean his ear for her to whisper in it.

Without a single word, Chuck roughly grabbed her elbow and dragged her to the doors as if she was an intruder, a thief in his home, something pestilent that needed to be kicked out. His touch seared her skin, it had been long - too long since they were this close to each other. He pushed her out on the hall, away from himself, as if he couldn't get her away from him quickly enough.

Their gazes once again met and his intentions were sharply clear.

He was here to hurt her.

Chuck oozed with revenge, every one of his pores craving it and Blair knew he was here to finish her off.

''I-'' she whispered, not helping herself but to reach out for him because he was magnetic and she was moth blindly flying around his raging flame. Her hand barely lifted when doors slammed in her face and she was left standing alone in the cold hallway.

Staring at the big oak doors, a solid barrier between them, she knew she would let him harm her. Nobody was here to protect her, nobody could shield her from his fury. Even without that fact in mind, she would let him get even. She would let him do whatever he needed to heal because he was fire and she was water and they were a deviant duo.

And as he hurts her, she would relish in it, relish in his closeness as he burns her to the ground.

Blair slowly made her way downstairs, taking deep breaths as elevator reached the ground floor. Despite heavy feeling in her chest, she felt glad he was here, she felt selfish of his presence. Blair would take the pain as long as he was there, by her side - even if it meant he was the cause of it.

It was late and her body was tired, exhausted with work and mental labor. She opened the doors of quiet apartment, finding her family seated on the couch along with a girl she never met before.

''Where have you been?'' barked Dan, getting up from the couch to stare down at her. ''Can't you see what time it is?''

The girl next to him had shoulder-length red hair, her green eyes flickering innocently - too innocently - around the room. She eyed Blair from bottom to the top with arched brow, silently judging and Blair didn't like it - not one bit.

''None of your business'' she stiffly replied and made her way to wash her hands, completely out of humor. Blair hated the way Dan always came first, the way Dan was allowed to get away with anything, the way Dan could do whatever he could without repercussions. Just because Blair was a girl and missed male genitalia, she got second-rate treatment and got put in a cage under excuse of a protection.

''Watch that tone'' her father snapped and she noticed his sour mood, she noticed how Jane stared at the floor, crease between her brows. Dan had all the liberty to boss her around and she hated it. ''Answer your brother.''

''The new resident was late'' she muttered irked, omitting the fact that it was Chuck Bass - a guy whom they hated, feared, loathed. Him moving in was bound to complicate everything and very possibly destroy Blair. If her family ever found out what happened between them, they would kill her.

''Where do you think you're going?'' Bob rose, pulling her back into the room. ''Don't be rude and greet our guest.''

''I was going to wash my hands'' she flinched away, glaring at the girl who dared to smirk in her face.

''Alright, darling'' Jane timidly spoke and looked up, gesturing towards the table and most certainly avoiding looking at this strange girl that still sat on the couch. ''Come and meet Jessica.''

With wary eyes, Blair approached the girl and they shook hands. Despite her unnaturally wide grin, girl's grip was lame, far from firm and Blair remembered her first Business strategy lesson; Never trust an associate with a limp handshake.

''Jessica'' she giggled introducing herself, voice painfully high-pitched. ''We'll be sisters! I'm like so excited!''

''Sisters?'' Blair repeated blandly, looking around at her family. Was this a joke?

''Of'course'' Jessica laughed at her, rolling eyes and waving her hand dismissively. ''Dan and I are getting married! I'm moving in!''

* * *

A/N: ''Such a perfect chapter that hurt my feelings so deeply. This is beautiful and i am a masochist :)''

This review made me laugh and cry at the same time! Actually, the response from you guys was overwhelming! The Bart and Evelyn shippers are coming forth and there are so many of you. I thank you soo much and as I (almost) always bide my word, you deserved another chapter! It was supposed to be posted days ago, but I had to do some last minute altercations. I just wanted to thank you for sticking to this part, because honestly this part of the story is my favorite - I'm positive you'd love it as much as I do because it's so charged. I don't mean just this chapter, but chapters to come and it's like licking the lollipop and coming to the sweet bubblegum inside.

Ooooh and whadya think about Edward Morelli? Hmmm? ;)) Chuck moving in to her building?!

My writing wasn't the best in the beginning, I experimented a lot and made a lot of mistakes, but you were here! You are still here and it makes my heart ache deliciously. Thank you so much for loyalty x Can't wait to read your reviews!


	28. My Mistakes Were Made For You

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**My Mistakes Were Made For You**

''Who the hell is Jessica?'' Blair demanded as Jane followed her to the bedroom, shutting the doors behind them. Room was small - so small their elbows kept bumping. ''And she is moving in?! Why did nobody consult me on this matter?!''

''Calm down'' mother berated with clenched teeth, pushing her down on bed and dropping down beside her. ''They'll hear you.''

''I don't care if they do'' she burst out, getting up and putting hands on her hips. ''You're letting a complete stranger move into our home. As if! You know what they say about redheads!''

''Blair'' her mother barked, disapprovingly looking at her. She lowered down her voice to a threatening whisper, ''Don't for a second think I don't know that you've been abusing Dan's love escapades at night. Don't you dare act golden with me when I know you're far from it. You're as foolish as he is.''

Blair opened her mouth, but promptly shut them closed. Her cheeks crimsoned instantly. It was true, while Dan would sneak out at night (the reason now plain obvious), she would use that time to spend it with Chuck. She looked away from her mother, once again amazed by her cunningness and forever grateful for discretion, protection and for not saying anything to the rest of the family. If dad found out she was sneaking out at night to meet some boy, he would positively kill her.

''The girl is pregnant'' gravely announced Jane and Blair observed she was perpetually tired, she was weak and everything about her face suggested severe fatigue. Jane always worried too much and maybe the effects were showing on her body just now. Blair timidly sat next to her and put head in mother's lap. Jane absentmindedly stroked her silken hair, the movement soothing both parties ''That's why we went away, your dad and I. We had to ask for her hand in marriage from some far relatives of hers. Jessica has no parents, no siblings, no family. Maybe it would do her good to have one.''

Blair sensed heavy dubiousness in those last words.

''Fine'' she conceded, still opposed to the idea of the marriage despite the pregnancy, but her family was God-fearing. Her family was traditional and this was how it was done. Love didn't matter. Tradition did. ''But I'm not sharing my room with her.''

Small burst of mellow delight spread through her at the thought of becoming an aunt, but it quickly disappeared. That meant Dan would have to find a job as soon as possible. That also meant their miniature bedroom-and-a-half flat would become overcrowded. Dan and Jessica were already crashing on the couch. Could they even afford a baby? No, not with this debt.

That night, from her own barred window, Blair watched Chuck and Georgina exit the building and drive away in Bass limo. Where were they going? To Tropic? It seemed too late for a fancy dinner in restaurant. She sighed heavily, laying down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She couldn't pretend she was rich anymore, she couldn't escape to carefree world with Chuck where everything was always perfect - even when times got rough.

This was her reality now.

''Jane'' father called out from the kitchen in the morning. ''I'll be going to pick up trash now.''

''No'' Blair jumped out from her room, already dressed up. In fact, she didn't even sleep, merely changed clothes somewhere around dawn. The sinking feeling in her guts didn't let sleep come to her. Dad would see Chuck if he went to take his trash, he'd know he moved in here and it would do no good to his already weak heart. It would only complicate things further and if Dan found out - it would be utter disaster. Ashamed Dan always meant angry Dan - and angry Dan almost always turned to violence. ''I'll do it.''

''Honey, you've worked hard these days'' her mother gently said, indescribable sorrow in her eyes. Jane never wanted her daughter to work as a cleaner, never wanted her to end up like she did - but Jane's strength was failing and they needed all the help. ''Take a break today. You didn't even have any dinner last night.''

''If she wants to do it'' Jessica chirped, sitting on couch and polishing her nails. ''Let her do it.''

''I'm fine'' Blair gritted through teeth, glaring at this girl - her future sister-in-law. ''Take a break, Jessica. You must be tired from doing absolutely nothing.''

She needed to see if Georgina stayed at his place, it gnawed on her and she needed to see him. Would he go that far? Would he sleep with Georgina for revenge?

Worst of all, would he sleep with Georgina because he liked her? After all, she was rich and she was pretty - disregarding her mental state, Georgina came from equally prominent and powerful family. How would they ever not match?

The shame still burned through her as she wheeled big trashcan. Blair felt stupid, felt embarrassed to be picking up his trash - but that was her reality. Her family was poor and insignificant, and tried to hide that fact from him. That was the reason he came here in the first place - to humiliate her. To make her do all the things she was ashamed of. To face her with her reality and consequences her lies left.

And in the meantime, to hurt her.

This was real Blair and she couldn't escape herself. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on his doors.

Chuck almost immediately opened them and she was once again blown by his hostile attitude. The difference between this stranger and her boyfriend was colossal, brutal and terrifying.

''Do you have-'' she went to say, but he wordlessly shoved a plastic bag in her hands and slammed doors in her face. ''Any trash?'' she finished meekly, annoyance starting to get to her, but also small gust of joy. Because there was no Georgina, flat seemed empty and she knew he spent the night alone. How? Because Blair knew the best what he looked at any given time, especially after a night full of messy sheets and stifled moans.

Strong moroseness took over humiliation and she dumped the bag in the trash can, feeling very nostalgic.

Blair spent the day listening to ramblings of Jessica. Didn't this girl have stuff to do? Other people to torture with incessant talk? Dan's _fiancé_ seemed to have brain size of a pea, but Blair thought there was more to her. Jessica's narrowed eyes didn't clash with her babbling lips, her whole irritating personality too obvious and Blair _knew_ there was more to her than cheap manicure, abuse of hairspray and mindless chit-chat.

''That's a pretty ring'' Jessica admired, her eyes zeroing on the glittering item. ''Where did you get it?''

''Claire's'' Blair quickly pocketed Chuck's ruby ring, feeling very protective. What explanation would she give to anyone if they found out this was an expensive genuine ruby?

''Oh'' Jessica smirked, leaning in to wink. ''So it wasn't gift from a boy?''

''Please'' Blair rolled her eyes and moved away. Taking light jacket from the rack, she made her way to the harbor, to do her shift with Edward Morelli. ''If there was any, he'd do better than 2$ ring.''

* * *

''Have you always lived on a boat?'' Blair asked, sipping a virgin Bloody Mary. Her boss had a habit of preparing non-alcoholic cocktails, claiming he didn't want her drunk self assaulting his handsome body. Yes, he actually said that.

''Of'course'' Edward muttered, rolling tiny paper umbrella in his hands. ''I was born on a boat.''

''Are you serious?'' They were inside Vero and interior was as luxurious as the exterior. Everything was white leather, maple wood and high technology. Strangely, there were no pictures, no personal documents, nothing that would give away this boat was used for anything other than rare weekend trips.

''Yes, right where you're standing'' he chuckled, going behind the bar and washing his glass.

''Funny'' Blair rolled her eyes and finished the drink, handing him her glass back. ''You were a wild one, weren't you?''

''Only after I got tired of being good, kid'' her boss smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Blair stared at him from under her lashes, absentmindedly dusting the coffee-table. What happened to him that he isolated himself on his boat like this? What was his family like? Did he ever love someone? Did he ever break anyone's heart? Or did someone break his?

''Be so kind as to quit analyzing me. I believe that's my forte.''

''I'm just wondering'' she went on, unperturbed. ''What made you raise the oars and sail the world? What did Manhattan ever do to you?''

Few minutes passed before he answered and by that time, Blair thought he would ignore the question.

''Manhattan tried to tell me who I was'' he quietly said, his blue eyes lost somewhere far away. ''I'm starting to think - I'm starting to think there were other options.''

''If I had a boat, I'd sail somewhere far away too.''

''Would you?'' Edward asked earnestly, his gaze now completely focused on her brown orbs.

''No'' she whispered after moment of hesitation, thinking about Chuck. ''No, I wouldn't.''

Because it was true. She would stay here and fight. And that is what she will do.

''You _will_ get hurt, kid'' he came as if he could read her mind and took her hands away from the coffee-table, enveloping them in his own palms. His blue eyes were striking as they gazed at her. Her boss was now almost familiar with the whole story, except few details which Blair wanted to keep for herself. ''Are you aware of that?''

''I am'' she replied in a hush, staring at the restless sea through round window. Edward's serenity was contagious, she always felt at peace with him and sharing her thoughts with someone was almost like a therapy. Or was it because he was different? ''But I've hit the rock bottom. There's no other choice except to get back up. I'm not saying I won't be scared or that I won't keep falling. It's because I already am scared to death. It's because now I know, if I ever fall - I will be able to get up.''

Her boss smiled at her as if he was pleased about something and he dropped her hands, whistling to himself as he left her to finish up cleaning.

An hour later, Blair was still in the harbor, waiting for her taxi. She sat on a bench near the entrance and listened to the sound of waves crashing against the harbor walk. It was getting darker and chillier, the obvious sign autumn was fast approaching. She contemplated her life choices, somehow feeling too relaxed in this desolate place, making a mental note to buy textbooks in the morning. Edward Morelli kept stubbornly over-tipping her and finally, she could buy the books without waiting for anyone's paycheck.

''What are you doing here, kid?'' the devil himself showed up and Blair rose, surprised to find her boss dressed in an expensive suit and smelling like cologne. The perfume somehow didn't fit him - the guy was made for salt, sun and linen shirts. Not to mention it was odd to find him outside of Vero, it felt surreal and borderline ridiculous.

''Nice suit'' she offered, eying this new look. ''You look very handsome.''

''It's late'' he ran tanned fingers through sandy hair, clearly uncomfortable.

Blair quickly straightened up, pressing lips together. Suddenly, she felt very embarrassed. God, what was she thinking? She was a mere cleaner here. Edward was her boss, _not_ her friend. Kid - he called her a kid, thought of her as a _child_. This felt wrong. ''The cab you hailed didn't come, so I'm waiting for another one.''

With innocent curiosity, she wondered where was he going? Didn't he abandon whole Manhattan lifestyle and debauchery - as he once said it. Regardless of isolation, there were always subtle traces of her boss' social life - an expensive diamond earing on the floor, lipstick marks on champagne glasses from last night and even once, a pair of thongs hanging off the mast.

''Come on'' he ordered nodding, fetching a pair of keys from his pocket. ''I'll get you back safely.''

''With all due respect, I can't accept that. I don't want to keep your date waiting.''

He didn't laugh the comment off nor deny. Edward looked at her from under his lashes as if mulling over something. ''I know your mother would not appreciate it if you got home at inappropriate hour because of me.''

Jane wouldn't care, Blair thought. Her mother and the rest of the family valued Mr. Morelli as if he was Jesus himself. Jane worked for 2 summers on Vero and not once did bad word about him leave her lips. Dad often helped him repair his boat, sometimes even brought Dan. There was always only praise and professional distance - a part of the reason why Blair couldn't help but to trust this guy.

''What about my taxi?'' Blair voiced out, following him as he took off without another word, past the harbor to the private garage.

They went past dozen of expensive cars; Rolls Royce, Ferrari, Audi R8 and like until coming to furthest end. Edward pulled a cover off one of the smaller vehicles only to reveal sleek black motorcycle.

''Safely?'' she repeated with quirked eyebrow, staring at powerful Yamaha YZF-R1 - it said so in silver letters on the side. It looked like a beast, a raging machine that could fly to the moon and back in mere seconds. It looked dangerous.

Edward handed her spare helmet with an amused grin. ''Scared?'' He put on a leather jacket, which fit him like a glove.

''Try me'' she smirked, but secretly felt slightly terrified.

It took them 8 minutes to get home. That was 27 minutes less than with a car, 51 minutes less than with a bus. Blair had a feeling he drove slower on her account, but fitting Edward in the profile of a bad boy who drove fast motorcycles was already hard as it is. Her hands were around his waist, but safely clutched on a holder under his chest. Wind furiously whipped against them, but all she could see were city lights blurring past in a daze. Riding on motorcycle was almost like riding naked, she felt cold and too exposed. The drive wasn't uncomfortable, but it was far from pleasant.

As they pulled up, adrenalin hit low and she was glad they were home. The constant state of alertness didn't leave her body. Actually, the feeling of dread only seemed to double. Even under the protection, she could hear muffled shouts from in front of her building. Engine of motorcycle died out and she quickly freed her face of helmet and shook her head. Voices suddenly ceased, but the sight was still petrifying. It was scene from a nightmare, a long-awaited dreaded nightmare which she wanted to avoid at all costs.

Chuck was clutching Dan's collar, threateningly hovering above him. He raised a fist to punch him when she instantly cried out ''No!''

They all turned towards her with wide wild eyes and she hopped off on the pavement, scrambling to put an end to whatever this was. A match between her brother and a guy she loved. Oh no, oh no, _oh no. _What the hell happened?

''Mr. Morelli'' her father cried out, his eyes wide open in fright, hand at heart. His face pleaded for help and Edward immediately hanged the helmet on a handle with skillful practice, eying Chuck with apprehension.

''How about you let my friend go?'' her boss spoke in low voice, carefully threading his way towards them.

He was now involved too. Great. Just great.

Bob looked at her and shakily said. ''Daughter, go inside! Now!''

Blair anxiously glanced at Chuck and she thought she saw him loosen hold on Dan. Worry spiked through her, worry that something would happen to Chuck because he was decidedly outnumbered. Despite everything, she was afraid for him because this wasn't like him. This was reckless and dangerous behavior. Instinctively, she reached out for him and his gaze inquisitively flicked towards her hands.

_Yes_, she desperately thought. _Let me help you. _

Their eyes met.

_Please_.

Chuck's irises quickly turned dark and they flickered towards Edward. They then jumped to father and then finally land on Dan. He now knew this was her family. He now knew her brother was the guy who stole and wrecked his car. He now knew her family was the one he often talked with disdain.

In the past, they talked about this family, not rarely fought about it and she never told him it was her very own blood. Another lie unraveled in front of her eyes, peeling layer of skin from her flesh. Her breathing was heavy, heart painfully constricting while Chuck shoved her brother off and spat at him as if he was something toxic ''You better not pull this again.''

With that, he walked past them, lightly brushing his shoulder against hers and he entered the waiting limo. The car drove away, disappearing into the traffic. Blair released a breath she didn't know she was holding. Her hands were trembling and Edward eyed them with concerned eyes.

''Dad-'' Dan spoke, straightening up and, judging by the guilty tone of voice, Blair immediately knew it was his fault. The thought was only confirmed when dad ignored him. The disappointment on his face couldn't be hidden. Did he provoke Chuck?

''Thank you, Mr. Morelli'' Bob said stiffly, ignoring his son, ignoring motorcycle and the fact if it was anyone else who gave her the ride - she'd be painfully familiar with consequences. ''I'm sorry for causing you any inconvenience'' he bowed lightly and went back inside with haunched back.

Dan watched him retreat and he went the other way with quick steps, losing himself in the crowd on the streets.

''Is that him?'' Edward asked with thick voice, staring down at her with clenched fists. Somehow, he became part of this story and Blair didn't like it. Actually, bad feeling gnawed at her chests now that he saw everything.

''Yes'' she whispered, looking up on the window of Chuck's floor. ''He moved in here.''

This was all her fault. She hurt him so much she changed him completely, drove him mad, drove him insane and she couldn't help but to want to soothe him, to heal him back as he was. Because the world was complicated, the destiny wasn't set in stone and fighting was inevitable. Chuck was broken, shattered by her hand and she wanted to restore him as he was.

''Blair'' Edward took a step closer, shoving hands in his pockets. ''He is crossing the line.''

_Blair_? She flinched, focusing her eyes on her boss. He just called her by her name. It felt _odd_. She handed him the helmet and before going back in said, ''I'm not worried. I'll fight him - I'll fight him for us.''

''Thanks for the ride'' she called over her shoulder before he could say anything else, not helping but to feel love for Chuck despite what happened tonight. Yes, she loved him in spite of himself - loved him in every way possible. She loved every face he had, including this one. And she would help him get through this with love.

As she entered the home, air was heavy and Blair went straight to bed. All night, she listened to her parents talk in hushed voices in the kitchen - discuss that boy that was on their throats, that boy that held them in grip yet here he was, moving in their building. Did it have anything to do with debt? With Dan?

_No, dad_, she thought what was dangerous to say out loud. _He came for me._

Pair of hooded dark eyes pierced her mind as she grabbed ruby ring off the shelf and twirled it in her fingers. Why didn't Chuck give her away to her family? Why didn't he give some crude comment about their relationship? Did he secretly care?

No, it couldn't be it.

He must have wanted to torture her slowly. Exposing her past and her lies to her family, along with involvement with him, would have single-handedly destroyed her. No, he didn't care. How could he, after everything?

* * *

''Where do you think you're going?'' her dad asked as he broomed the entrance of the building early in the morning.

''I have to buy some textbooks'' Blair answered as she buttoned down her beige trench-coat, still not used to absence of the summer heat. ''Classes will start soon.''

''Alright, but don't be too long'' Bob muttered with disapproval. ''If I didn't have work to do, I'd go with you.''

They didn't mention what happened last night and Blair was thankful for it. She gave brief explanation why Mr. Morelli gave her ride and her parents urged her not to do it ever again. It seemed like her little stunt last night would cost her big chunk of her freedom.

''Don't worry'' she suppressed rolling of her eyes, hating this over-bearing protection, hating absurd control over her smallest movements and sense of ownership over herself. Just as she was about to go, doors of the building opened and Chuck stepped out in his navy suit and burgundy bow-tie. She watched him as he walked out, not seeming to notice them.

''Well, aren't you going?'' dad urged out loud and that caught Chuck's attention.

She quickly looked away as their eyes met and he seemed to pause. In that brief moment, she noted circles under his eye and pale face. Sleep would do him good. Did he eat regularly?

Chuck's steps seemed to change direction and he sauntered towards them with malicious air. Her heart went in frenzy as his brown leather shoes came closer, praying he would just passed them by.

''Wash my car, please'' he said as he stopped next to them with authority, with a cold voice that could be dangerous to refuse. Chuck dangled the keys in front of her father as he didn't reply, clearly unconcerned about what happened last night.

Blair sharply looked up at him, aware of the mortification, of the abuse - because that was driver's job, not something a janitor would do. Chuck looked down on her and their eyes met. Fire brimmed in his irises, hunger for revenge and she knew he was blaming her, but taking it out on everyone she cared about.

''Sir'' her dad answered rigidly, setting down the broom. Last night's conflict was still fresh and revelation that this man lived in their building wasn't easy to take. ''It is not something that we do.''

''It isn't something that you do'' Chuck looked back at him peevishly, waiting for him to say no, waiting for a chance to strike with rougher fervor. ''Yet, you're the one getting paid to take care of residents and their property? Are you not?''

''Sir, I'm busy now'' Bob breathed out and it was true, he worked from the dawn until dusk and washing anyone's car was out of the question. Nobody ever dared to ask because everyone knew housekeepers had enough on their hands involving service and building management. Blair felt herself getting angry, fists clutched at her side. Her father wasn't a slave, a person that did absolutely everything and listened to every whim of the resident. He was a man with list of duties and work hours which he exceeded every single day. Car washing was not one of those duties and it was pure insolence to ask it.

''Then just wash around tires'' Chuck persisted, furthering the humiliation, knowing her dad was in no position to refuse. It could cost him his job and then - they would end up homeless. Would Chuck go that far?

''I'll do it'' she spat, glaring at him, not willing to take the risk. She didn't know how to wash the car, but she would do it nevertheless to save her father.

Chuck sharply looked at her, flashing an emotion, but it was brief and it was fleeting.

''Wait, Blair-'' her father protested, tucking his chin in.

Impatient and annoyed, Chuck huffed and rolled his eyes. Opening the wallet, he snatched a 20$ bill. Note dangled in front of their faces as if it was juicy bones and they were mad, starving dogs. ''Who will do it then?''

Bob crimsoned with indignation as Blair stared at this monster with pursed lips. How dare he? Had he no manners? No shame?! Her father did nothing to deserve this! He wasn't the one who lied to him, yet he had to suffer her mistakes, her punishment.

''I'll do it'' Bob finally declared, snatching the keys but leaving the bill untouched.

Blair turned around and left immediately, furiously blushing with aggravation.

* * *

''They pay monthly rate'' Harvey Glenn declared, examining papers in his small hands. He was Tropic's chief in finance, middle-aged guy who's forte were numbers and calculations. His bald spot on head shined with sweat and the short man took some effort to keep up with young master. It was a new ordeal for Chuck Bass to inquire about business matters. Harvey didn't know if he liked that or not. ''This month has been payed.''

''What are we, the bank?'' Chuck growled, scouting the Tropic for any sign of Bart. He specifically came at this hour to avoid the sight of him. Ever since he moved to Blair's building, he promptly avoided seeing anyone from his old life. The part of his life before world came down crashing down on his head. His father was was right - he really was a fool. But Chuck wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of knowing that. ''Are we to allow monthly payment?''

''Mr. Bass'' Harvey said apologetically, handing him the papers. He was acquainted with difficult financial situation of debtor, it would be not only cruel to ask for the sum all at once - it would also be bad business. ''The debt has been marked as your father's personal affair. I can't do anything about it-''

''Three days'' Chuck spat, shoving the papers back at Harvey's chest. ''I give you three days. Go and talk to the lawyers, see what needs to legally be done.''

Chief in finance wiped sweat off his forehead, calculating who would cost him more to disobey - Mr. Bart or his son.

''This is no longer my father's private matter'' young boss lowered his voice dangerously, rigidly fixing cuffs of his expensive suit. ''It's mine. You have exactly 71 hour, 57 minutes and 43 seconds.''

With that he stormed out of the club, leaving Harvey Glenn very close to a fainting fit.

* * *

''Where is it?'' Blair frantically muttered, knocking down the items and books off her shelf. Pillows lay on the floor along with bedsheets, whole bedroom a mess. Her body was ankle deep in new scattered textbooks, worn-out mattress leaning on a wall. ''Where is it?!''

''Blair, honey'' Jane called out from the kitchen, ''Is everything okay?''

''No, everything is _not_ okay!'' she frantically shouted, stomping her foot in frustration. ''I can't find my ring!''

Blair flipped her bedroom upside down, but the item was nowhere to be found. She usually kept it in her pocket except when she went to clean the yacht. There was a big risk of losing it in the water so at the times like those, it was kept on the shelf in her bedroom. Now that she came back from work, it was gone.

Edward Morelli wasn't at the yacht and the thought bothered her.

''You mean that 2$ ring?'' Jessica inquired, peering at her over the magazine she was reading. She chuckled, her legs lazily crossed. ''What's the fuss? I'll get you a new one.''

''Yes, Jessica'' Blair barked, shooting her a glare. Her nerves were already at the end and this lazy idiot wasn't helping with anything. ''I mean that 2$ ring. It holds sentimental value.''

Except that fact, the ring also cost thousands of dollars, Tiffany custom made. Regardless, it was item she prized the most, a sign Chuck once loved her, a sign of hope that he still may do. Losing it almost meant losing the past, every evidence of their history and their story. How is anyone to ever understand this?

Her parents shrugged their shoulders and Jessica said she didn't know where it was. That only left one person.

''Where's Dan?''

''He should be here any minute now.''

Blair left the apartment, too impatient to wait in this mood. Her mind was going crazy, very close to exploding. She finally spotted him on the street, making his way lazily towards home. Lately, ever since that incident, Dan had been avoiding being home. Probably to refrain from coming across Chuck and provoking another fight.

''Where's my ring?'' she shoved his chest, glaring at him.

''Calm down'' he shrugged her off nonchalantly, not even pausing to talk. How dare he?! He didn't even try to deny!

''Don't you use that tone with me! Tell me where's my ring, right now!'' she pushed his shoulder with whole strength her petite body possessed and he nearly stumbled off the pavement, into the traffic. Taxi passed by, honking loudly in warning.

Her brother reverted back to her, looking at her as if she had two heads. ''What the hell is wrong with you?'' he shouted, leaning towards her. ''Are you crazy? You nearly killed me!''

Avoidance of the answer and given reply only fueled her anger and she shoved his chest once again, completely livid and mad. Dan raised his hand to strike her - a gesture of a threat- a gesture he often used to scare her off and he knew it never worked.

''Do it'' she quietly threatened back, not cowering in the least. ''I dare you -''

''What the hell are you doing?'' Chuck came rushing out of nowhere, pushing Dan away. He stood between them like a barrier, his hair neat and styled, his outfit fancy and dinner-appropriate.

Blair was rendered speechless as she stared at his back, her mind suddenly going blank with shock.

''What do you think?'' Dan snarled at him after primary confusion, lowering down his hand. ''You're interrupting a private conversation with my sister.''

Chuck didn't turn to look at her. Wary and dazed, she watched as he took a step away, laughing somewhat mockingly.

''What's so funny?'' Dan seethed, looking back at the limo which he came from. Out of the town car came long-legged brunette in classy beige dress, obviously following her date to check-up on him. Her glossy full lips spread in surprise and she scampered over, leaning on Chuck's shoulder. ''Babe, what's going on?''

Her voice was smooth and inviting and Blair stared at her, something in her guts twisting in horrible pain. The girl eyed Dan's worn out clothes, two-day beard and messy hair with poorly hidden disgust. On the other hand, she was adorned with jewels and sweet perfume - a perfect match for polished Heir.

''Nothing, princess'' Chuck replied with a twisted smirk, only then glancing over at Blair with triumph in his eyes. Triumph over her crest-fallen face which she had no strength to hide. ''Just a sibling squabble.''

He draped an arm over girl's small waist and they left, heading towards the building.

''What's he smirking about?'' Dan watched them leave with narrowed eyes. He put on a hand on Blair's shoulder. ''Let's go.''

Blair flinched away from his touch, now even more angry and furious. ''Don't touch me!''

''I didn't take your ring'' her brother sighed, rolling his eyes. ''I promise.''

* * *

In the morning, still without the ring, Blair let her mother rest and took up the cleaning of the stairwell. To be precise, stairwell of Chuck's floor. For hours she cleaned the same spot, ever so often throwing glances towards his doors.

She didn't sleep that night. How could she? Blair rolled over the bed, restless and anxious to the point she felt like vomiting. This wasn't Georgina, this was some girl, an actual threat that could single-handedly knock down whatever they built up in past year. Someone that could damage them permanently. Spite in Chuck's eyes told her there was a good chance of that happening.

Blair felt scared. He was turning into a monster and she didn't know how to put an end to it.

Finally somewhere around 10 am, doors swung open and girl from last night left the apartment - heels in hand. Her lipstick was gone, hair messily raked down with fingers. The so-called _princess _slammed the doors shut and threw a dirty look at Blair before leaving via elevator.

So he did it. He actually did it.

It happened, something irreversible, gut-wrenching like this.

The girl stayed the night.

_How dare he?_

Blair gave him her _virginity_, for God's sake. Sex was supposed to be something precious and valuable - not a weapon. Not something to throw in her face and laugh in the meantime. She felt bile rise in her throat. This was too much, unbearable - it was too cruel, too heartless. Nothing could stop her heart from breaking, from tearing into shreds and feeling like drowning in cold water. With heaving chest, she walked up to his doors and forcefully knocked. Chuck opened the doors with bored look on his face, his feet naked.

''What did you do?'' her voice broke as she demanded, staring up at him with red eyes. His hair was slightly wet, his eyes tired and she _knew_ he slept with that girl. She knew - it was all over him - and it hurt. ''Is this seriously what you wanted to do to us?''

He stared at her for a moment as if she spoke language he couldn't understand. ''To _us_?''

''I was a liar'' Blair went on, clutching the ends of her shirt, wanting to cry but feeling there were no tears left in her system. ''And what does this make you?''

She inhaled a breath, feeling herself tired and weak, but having only just enough amount of strength to go on. ''Weren't you the one who said you'll love me despite everything? Well, Chuck'' she spread her arms wide, gesturing at herself ''This _is_ everything.''

Chuck seemed to snap out of the daze at those words. His eyes focused on her and they were once again blazing with that hellish fire. He wrenched her forearm, bringing her face closer to his. His breath was hot on her cheek and they were too close for her to bear it. She just remembered that girl who left the apartment seconds ago and disgust churned within her. Blair looked away, swallowing loudly.

''Look at me'' he spat savagely, shaking her so hard her bones rattled. His mouth were too close and she was forced to meet his unforgivable glare. ''Take a good look at me! Is this the same guy who promised you those things?''

Her eyes widened at those words and she stared at his deep-set eyes, the same eyes that were once filled with love now only brimmed with hate, with merciless venom. He was like a stranger, a stranger she knew too well. Everything he felt now, she felt for him twice as much.

This Chuck, this reckless stranger that just slept with random girl, glanced at her mouth. He paused whatever he was about to say, the grip on her tightening to the point it hurt. With racing heart, she stared back as he wet his lips. Was he leaning in?

Despite the proximity, Blair felt miles away from Chuck - from _her_ Chuck. Blair flinched away, pulling back from him because he still smelled like sex and she couldn't bear the thought of him anymore. Right now, she hated him almost as much as he hated her. Wringing herself free, she quickly walked away - feeling like her body would spontaneously combust and burn until there was nothing left but charcoal.

* * *

**A/N: **Hmmmm? Whaddya fink? Is Chuckie boy out of line? Is he done? WHERE'S THE RING? In Mt. Doom?! What exactly does Jane know?! Leave a review and tell me x

Btw do you know any good betas? It would help me immensely since my schedule is crammed and I often leave grammar mistakes unchecked ):

L-O-L at Georgina asking Blair if she was crazy :'D


	29. Mother's Secret

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**Mother's Secret**

_In every battle there comes a time when both sides consider themselves beaten, then he who continues the attack wins. _

''I'm going out'' Diana called out, grabbing the keys and clutch from the table. ''Your father is staying at the hotel tonight. There's a business party that he can't miss so he'll just sleep there.''

''Uh-huh'' dazedly replied Georgina, staring out the window down on the passing cars, not even bothering to ask why wasn't she joining her husband.

''Are you even aware I'm here?'' Mrs Spark sighed exasperated, rolling her eyes. Georgina's obsession with Chuck Bass only seemed to increase with his moving in their building. When he was home, she guarded the phone with her life in case he rang. When he went out, she stood by the window - like now - waiting for him to come back home.

Diana took full advantage of it. Her husband was away, Georgina was too busy with Bass kid - a perfect opportunity to visit Edward.

''Do me a favor and call before going out'' Diana said out loud before leaving the apartment.

''Finally'' Georgina muttered, jumping to her phone as Bass limo rolled up half an hour later and Chuck's head peeked out. She immediately texted him.

**G: Wanna hang out? :) :)**

The reply came ten minutes later;

**C: Come upstairs**

Squealing, Georgina quickly went to change out of pajamas, putting on a small layer of make up. Couple of minutes later, she was in his apartment, dressed in a breezy dress and high-heels.

''I brought you a welcome present'' she chirped, getting a velvety box out of her pocket. ''For moving in.''

Chuck Bass stared at her, making no move to take the box.

''Oh-kay'' Georgina went on jovially, undisturbed. ''_I'll_ open it.''

Inside the box was a silver key chain with pendant in shape of a crown. He took the box, brusquely thanked her and left the item on the table. Chuck dropped on the sofa, dully staring at the wall opposite. His phone rang and Georgina saw _Mother_ flashing across the screen. He rejected the call as if nothing happened. The list showed 67 missed phone calls from various people.

''So'' she started after he didn't say anything, flunking down on his couch. ''Did you see Blair's boyfriend the other night?''

That seemed to get his attention. Chuck snapped his head towards her so fast she thought he'd break his own neck. ''Her boyfriend?''

''Yeah, the one on the bike.''

He didn't respond to that, but merely leaned back on the sofa, tapping fingers against armrest.

''I mean boyfriend is kind of a loose word'' she went on nevertheless, twirling a strand of hair around finger. ''My step-mother knows him, she says Blair has summer job as cleaner on his yacht. Actually, she hinted Blair is probably doing more than casual cleaning.''

Georgina chuckled, ''If you know what I mean.''

Chuck exhaled a sharp breath and got up, ''Do you want a drink?''

''Sure'' she shrugged, smirking as he turned his back on her to pour them a glass of scotch. ''Diana said his name is Edward Morelli. Have you heard of him?''

''No'' he curtly answered, handing her the glass. ''Cheers.''

He knocked back his head and downed the drink in one fluid motion. Quickly after, he poured himself another one.

In the morning, Georgina woke up on Chuck's couch. She looked around herself, drinking in the scanty expensive bachelor furniture and empty glass of scotch on the floor. It felt like a dream. A slightly disappointing dream. She expected they would have made out last night, but maybe it was too soon for him. Maybe he needed some time to heal from the damage Blair caused him. So far he was up for casually chatting and dropping her off if they were heading the same way - nothing else.

It must be too soon for him.

Tiptoeing to his bedroom, she watched him sleep. He was lying on his back, his face so beautiful and peaceful that she couldn't help herself but to sit next to him on the bed.

''Is this real?'' she whispered, her hand hovering over his smooth cheek. ''I'm watching you while you're sleeping.''

She felt like she didn't need anyone when he was there in her life. Not her busy father, not her dead mother, not her loathsome step-mother. They all faded into nothing next to his graceful features. Just before her fingers could graze his skin, doorbell rang. Georgina quickly pulled her hand back and ran to open the doors. Frantic ringing turned to forceful knocks and Georgina opened the doors, thrilled to find Blair's shocked face on the other side.

''What are you doing here?'' housekeeper's daughter blanched, eyes scanning the apartment. The question was asked in irritated manner, as if Blair had any right on Chuck, as if she had any claim on his company. When would she get that she was a nobody? When would she realize she was someone unworthy of the attention of great Heir?

''Since when is it acceptable to barge in like this for morning service?'' Georgina arrogantly said, quirking an eyebrow. ''You could have woken up Chuck. We fell asleep really late last night.''

Blair looked at her, _really_ looked at her and her eyes narrowed. ''You're lying.''

''Look who's talking.''

Blair put a hand on her hips, voice demanding with strange unquestionable authority ''Georgina, what are you doing here?''

_I'm here to help Chuck get rid of you_, she thought. _I'm here to set the wrong right. He is mine and we belong together._

''You're expecting me to explain myself to you? You're pathetic.''

''Get out of my way'' Blair spat, pushing G. aside as if she was simple nuisance and entered apartment, looking around.

What the hell? Did she just break her way in? That entitled delusional bitch!

''Go away, Blair!'' Georgina growled, pulling back Blair's hand as they reached the bedroom. ''Are you crazy?''

Blair froze and saw him on the bed, fully clothed in last night's attire. Heavy stench of alcohol wafted through the air of room. She sighed in brief relief and went to open a window, forcing herself not to gag. They didn't have sex after all. The guy was clearly passed out drunk.

As if sensing her there, Chuck opened his eyes and stared at Blair.

Georgina caught an emotion in his eyes that she couldn't place, something that was clearly covered and hidden by hostility as he jumped off the bed, barking ''What the hell are you doing here?''

For a second, Georgina thought he was talking to her and she shrank back.

''Chuck-'' this pathetic weirdo dared to say his name, looking back at him with annoyance.

''Get the fuck out!''

Of'course he was talking to this delusional brat. He jerked Blair by her elbow, dragging her all the way from bedroom, across the hall. Georgina suppressed a laugh, finding this all too funny - because this nobody barged in private apartment of Chuck Bass, stalked in the bedroom as if she owned the place and dared to snap at her. Serves her right. She looked downright pathetic, it was almost embarrassing to look at her.

''Chuck!''

''Get out'' Chuck grit through his teeth in obvious infuriation at her futile protests, not caring if he hurt her or dragged too roughly. It was a sight to behold and Georgina immediately regretted leaving her phone downstairs. Someone should really record this.

Blair finally wrenched herself away from him at the doors. ''Stop it!''

Her eyes were ablaze, Georgina noted with some mild discomfort. The girl looked like Medusa - a beauty with a deadly glare. Not only that, but that seemed to be all it took to silence Chuck immediately. The pair stared at each other, breathing heavily and Blair's upper lip curled in disgust. ''Women, alcohol... _Georgina_.''

G met her eyes briefly, but Blair immediately looked back at Chuck as if she wasn't even worth of glance. Chuck surprisingly kept quiet, laboring breaths and staring down at this crazy psycho. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he kick her out already? Maybe even call the cops, that would be sweet.

Blair's eyes softened and it seemed like she would hug him, kiss him, make a cup of tea or something stupid like that ''This thirst for revenge isn't good for you. What you want to do-''

''You have no idea what I want to do'' he venomously interrupted, scowling at her. His face was contorted into grimace of silent rage and Georgina felt herself panicking when he leaned closer to Blair. There was something in the air, something almost electric that these two evoked and it made her take a step back from them. ''If you did - you would be on the other end of the continent now.''

''No matter what you do'' she still spoke gently as if he just gave her a compliment instead of a direct threat, clutching her hands at her sides as if they wanted to break out and caress him. Georgina noted all of these little signs with painful clarity, unable to revert her own eyes, unable to pretend anymore. ''You can't hide the pain in your eyes.''

She stiffened, hoping Chuck wasn't stupid to fall for that bait - the deliverance of words was perfect, flawless, worthy of an Oscar. G grudgingly wished she thought of it first.

''And what about your eyes?'' Chuck reverted fiercely, cocking his head and the air shifted, tension in the air thick and stifling. Georgina suddenly couldn't breathe, she clutched the wall for support as the realization dawned on her. ''Their innocence can't hide the rottenness inside of you.''

She stared at both of them, stared as they glared at each other, looking like they wanted to rip each other's throats and Georgina couldn't help but to feel like a third wheel.

''I'm sorry'' she said to Chuck as he slammed the doors of the apartment, finally shutting Blair out. They were now left alone, empty space echoing with deafening silence. ''I tried to stop her, she wouldn't listen-''

''It doesn't matter'' he answered with husky voice, rubbing his puffy eyes as if he was tired, as if he couldn't get enough sleep. ''She's hardly worth of the words.''

With that he went back to sleep, leaving her alone in the hallway.

* * *

Jane took a deep breath.

Immediately, her body reacted and slight dizziness overcame her.

This was wrong. This shouldn't be happening. Doctor told her to take it easy.

But it needed to be done. Yes, it needed to be done for Blair.

She leaned in and knocked on doors.

It was a while until they opened and Chuck Bass looked down on her with nothing but contemptuous disdain. Nobody in her 57 years of life did anyone look at her in that way - in the way that made her cower her head and utter a silent prayer. He wordlessly let her pass and she clutched on to her broom and can of water tighter, careful not to meet his eye or to look his way.

_I want you to clean my apartment_, he said to her yesterday.

_Sir_, she replied. _I've abandoned every-day cleaning._

Her body caught up with her age, even went further into the years and Jane found out that she couldn't stand on her feet for longer than ten minutes without getting dizzy. She felt weak, assaulted by headaches and migraines and it was impossible to do simplest tasks without having need to lie down and sleep for a week.

_Are you saying you don't need the money?_ , he went on and everything about him was decided that he would have his way - as Jane assumed he often did have. _Are you saying you've payed off the debt? _

She kept silent, staring down on the floor. The answer was redundant.

_In that case, I would have known. _

Still, she stared at her shabby shoes, at his polished ones and she thought of Blair, of her only daughter.

_Unless you found another resource of money?_ he went on slowly, deliberately, and Jane looked up to see his demeanor changed. The hostility wasn't covered by sarcasm or subtle jabs - it was plain and obvious. She stared at this boy, because he was not a man, and she thought of Blair.

_I'll be expecting you tomorrow morning._

Jane sprayed some anti-bacterial Windex over one of the cabinets in his living room. She swept the rag over surface, moping up the liquid and vigorously scrubbing over the drawers. Upon touch, one of the drawers sprang open and Jane froze. Her heart picked up the pace at the sight of the picture inside. With trembling fingers, she took it out and gasped.

It was a photo of Chuck and Blair. They were sitting in what seemed to be a school yard, coffee cups, open textbooks in front of them and smiles on their faces. His arm was affectionately wrapped around her shoulder, pressing her closer to him. They looked like they owned the world. Blair looked happy, proud and otherworldly, her temple leaning on his cheek. Jane gazed at her gorgeous daughter, meticulously dressed and glowing with what could only be described as love.

What a contrast this Blair was from the present one. The difference was heartbreaking.

Jane wished she could see her daughter smile like this again. She wished she could make this boy disappear.

Rustling sound caught her ears and she snapped her head up, only to find Chuck Bass looking down on picture with impassive face. She thought of putting the item back in the drawer, but something in her wouldn't let it go. Blair looked so blissful, she couldn't look away. Jane wanted to bottle that look and if she could, she'd keep it on her bedside for the rest of her life.

''Your daughter looks beautiful there'' he murmured, not giving any signs of an emotion. The sentence felt like everything but a compliment. ''Doesn't she?''

A minute of silence passed and Jane still gripped the piece of someone else's memory, unable to give it up.

''Throw it away'' he finally ordered, looking away. Walking around, he circled her, sporting bemused expression. Every step he took Jane felt to her core and it boomed across the room, past the walls and into the infinite sky. Chuck paused, rubbing his hands in contemplation. ''When did you become part of this game?''

Jane gripped the picture tighter, biting her cheeks and refusing to meet his burning glare.

''When your son stole and crashed my car?''

Her heart sped up and fatigue clouded her vision. So this was the reason he wanted her to clean up, not to humiliate her - but to interrogate, to torture her with questions and accusations which she couldn't deny. But Jane would be a liar if she said she didn't know he would do it before coming in here. Jane would let him take it out on her. For Blair.

''Or did you know everything from the start? Is that how it goes?'' a hint of cruel smile played on his lips. ''Mothers raising their daughters to do this? To seduce rich, blind fools?''

Jane lowered down the picture on cabinet and she looked up, but still avoided his gaze. She heard his words and each letter was like a slap, like a punch in the gut - but she wasn't weak, no.

''You raised your daughter to find a rich amiable son-in-law that would get you out of that hell-hole.''

It was true.

She _did_ want Blair to get out of that hell-hole. She _did_ want her daughter to marry good and wealthy. She wanted her to be happy. Was it bad to want to save your child from the poverty and misfortunes they did nothing to deserve? Jane knew what was happening and she turned blind-eye on it, in hopes of setting her daughter free.

She wanted Blair to have her fairytale. Was it a crime?

''Leave'' Chuck demanded with cold voice, dropping down on couch and looking sullenly away. ''That's enough.''

''Is it?'' she finally rose her eyes to meet his. ''Is it really enough?''

Chuck snapped his head up head in surprise.

''You're taking revenge on all of us now?'' she forcefully whispered, her eyes glinting with fervor. ''When are you going to leave this place already?''

''Get out'' he shot up from the couch, pointing at the doors. It was obvious her words left an effect on him. ''Please.''

''Son, why don't _you_ get out of our lives?'' her voice rose because she was angry, she wanted her children protected - Blair and Dan - and this boy had every intention of hurting them. He brought chaos and mess and she wanted to shield them from it. His presence here affected everyone and Blair wasn't her usual self, she wanted her daughter back, she wanted her son back - Jane wanted her family back. ''Get out of our lives! Take your pain with you and go!''

He stared at her in bewilderment and after some moment shook his head perturbed, ''Leave! Right now!''

Jane didn't have to be told again. She quickly grabbed her cleaning utensils and left the cursed apartment. She thought she heard a sound of something being smashed.

''Mom?'' Blair blanched as she saw her own mother get out of Chuck's apartment. ''What happened?''

Jane grimaced and went downstairs, pulling her daughter with her. Blair flinched after only few steps, reading the situation too well.

''What did you do?'' she demanded, crossing arms at chest. ''Don't tell me you cleaned his place.''

''I did!'' Jane shot back, eyes wide and wild. ''I cleaned it so he would stop! I did it so he'd take his revenge and leave!''

Blair was furious, but this fact - this confession - stunned her for a moment. ''You knew!?''

''Everything'' Jane whispered in defeat, confirming it. ''I know everything, Blair. You can never hide anything from mother's eyes.''

''How long have you known?'' dumbfounded she demanded, feeling her nerves on fire, getting furious and livid. Her mother, her poor innocent mother _knew, _kept her dirty secrets despite everything and Chuck still went out of his way to hurt and humiliate the person that didn't deserve it the most. Jane was all Blair had, her only guardian on this world that loved her unconditionally and he dare hurt her.

Blair was seeping with unknown anger, glaring at Chuck's doors, subconsciously reaching for the ruby ring. The finger was bare, the relic still gone.

''For a while now. You weren't exactly subtle in getting into his limo on your way to school. I didn't want to say anything, Blair. I wanted you to have everything you ever wished - and I knew I wasn't able to give it to you. But this boy will be the ruin of us.''

Blair clutched her purse and growled ''He should be taking it out on me.''

''Blair-''

Blair ignored her mother's pleas and with determined steps, went to his doors. She forcefully knocked ''Open the doors!''

Jane didn't have strength to follow her. She slowly sat down on one of the cold marble steps and leaned her head on rail. Her vision began to cloud again and she tried to balance out her rugged breathing.

Chuck opened the doors looking bored as ever.

Blair didn't fall for the mask of indifference, but instead shoved his chest hard ''What do you think you're doing?!''

Nonplussed, Chuck straightened himself up and rolled his tongue against his cheek.

''Here'' he lazily took a 20$ bill out of his pocket, offering it without actually looking at her. ''Your mother forgot to take the money.''

She stared at the money in furious disbelief and quickly snatched it, only to throw it down on floor along with her purse. Blair slammed the doors shut behind her and once again assaulted his chest, pushing him back to the wall. ''Are you punishing me through my mom?! You can do whatever the hell you want to me, but leave my mom out of this!''

He finally looked her in the eyes and that familiar veil of loathing took over him. Finally, an emotion. ''You're going to tell me what to do now?! Get out-''

Chuck grabbed her elbow and was to once again kick her out of the flat, but not this time. Blair quickly wrenched herself free, drawing a strength from need to protect her family and need to resolve this once and for all. This urge for revenge was hurting everyone; her family, Chuck and herself. It needed to be stopped. Seizing his baffled distraction at the sudden opposition, she quickly locked the main doors and scurried across the room, towards an open window.

Chuck stared in disbelief as she threw the keys down on the street, turned around towards him and ordered ''You'll listen to me now.''

Their gazes met and she thought she saw a conflicting glint in his eyes, but Chuck merely looked away and spat in frustration, dismissing her with a sharp wave of hand ''I've heard enough. I've been listening to your lies all the goddamn time.''

Blair ignored his harsh words, instead she inhaled a deep breath to calm herself down. She counted to ten, but when she reached eleven she counted again to ten and sat down on couch rest, staring at the spot on the wall. Her fingers drummed against her knee. ''First day of school, I was in state of a panic'' her voice was barely a whisper, eyes glazed in reminiscence. ''The students - everyone there - you were all the same. Only I was different.''

An outcast, she always felt like an outcast and everyone went out of their way to remind her of it - with expensive clothes, limo rides, luxurious homes. Even their attitude was different; carefree mental state with unlimited credit card and no worries that didn't involve their personal aesthetics and need to look better than their friends, inner competition of who had more zeros on bank account. They skipped classes to have ostentatious lunches at Manhattan finest restaurants or to cure hangovers from last night's wild party at Tropic. Magazines were filled with their faces and none of them ever thought about the future because daddy and mommy had everything under control - nepotism at it's finest.

And Chuck was one of them.

In front of her, he paced restlessly - back and forth - back and forth - as if he could walk across his problems, as if he could flatten his memories to dust with heels of his feet.

''I remember you were talking of weekend trips. Exotic getaways, last minute tickets to Paris'' she continued somewhat bitterly. ''I couldn't tell you I never went across the bridge. I couldn't tell you I could barely afford a cab, let alone plane to Bora Bora. I couldn't tell you I was mere housekeeper's daughter.''

Chuck turned towards her, his lips set in tight line of determination. ''Do you really think I care about what you have to say?''

She looked up at him and he looked back, but not directly at her eyes, no. Chuck Bass perfected the art of looking at someone without actually making eye contact. There was caged fury within him, but what she had to say was vital, he needed to understand her. He needed to understand why all the lies because he was one of them, one of the people on the other side. After all, how could he ever imagine himself in her shoes? After living in abundance of wealth, how could he? Poverty was something he read about in the papers and saw glimpses of in news. Poverty was Blair's reality.

''My mom used to clean apartments like this one. Grand mansions, stylish penthouses'' Blair went on with note of sadness, still lost in memories. ''I used to tag along. After she was done, we'd go back to our little basement from which one, yes, from which one I so dearly wanted to escape.''

Chuck turned his back to her, running hands across his face and setting them at the chin.

''I never belonged anywhere'' she uttered with broken whisper, decades of pent-up pain flowing out of the words and filling the gap between sorrow and anger. She didn't want pity, but Blair needed him to understand her and the reason behind lies.

''You belonged to me'' he shouted angrily, almost desperately, turning to look at her with agony in every line of his face, finger pointing at his own chest. His collected cool was gone, Chuck seeped with even greater emotion and pain Blair felt herself. ''To me, Blair!''

She shook her head, ignoring the way her chest tightened at the use of a past tense - _belonged_, not belong. Belonged.

And it was true, but she would never have admitted that out loud before. She felt like she belonged with him, but awareness of her lies prevented her from actually recognizing that revelation, from embracing it completely. Now that the barrier of her lies is finally beginning to crumble between them, the revelation was left futile, the truth more cruel than lies.

''You believe in class system'' Her eyes were accusing as she looked at him and remembered the time they were at Serena's and he said he believed each class of people had it's own identity, how rich people were tied together with same wealth and style of life. Implying everyone who was poor was different, was almost another race, someone they didn't associate with unless necessary. Chuck never knew how much he hurt her with those words then. He didn't know he was talking about her. ''I asked you once what would you do if I told you I was housekeeper's daughter and you didn't reply. Remember?''

''But then again'' she added, not helping but to feel crestfallen. ''You don't think that fact even matters.''

''Did it matter more than you?'' he leaned in her face, snarling. She knew he was angry, she knew he was furious and that every part of him wanted to block out her words - but Blair needed to see this through. She needed him to know - and for herself, she needed to be unburdened of the truths that had been only her own for a long time. ''After how much I loved you, did it even matter?''

Once again, the past tense - _loved_. After how much he _loved_ her. He loved her and somewhere along the way stopped. He took pleasure in hurting her and people she loved. He took pleasure in Georgina, in sleeping with random girls, in everyone that wasn't her. She could feel back of her eyes start to sting.

''You think I fooled you'' she quietly said, afraid to break apart in front of him. Blair didn't want his pity, couldn't bear the thought of it, and she stared back at him. ''That I tricked you. The truth is - the truth is that I fooled myself.''

He was still looming over her like an imposing storm, his arm leaning on the rest just right of her ear. She shakily inhaled, scent of his perfume triggering something in her that belonged to him and him only. God, how she missed him. Blair missed him so much it ached, her soul sizzled with longing and she wanted to kiss him madly, to kiss away his pain and to smooth the hostile frown with her fingers. She wanted to bury her head in the crook of his neck and murmur _I'm sorry _and_ Everything will be fine_ over and over again.

Lower lip quivering, her hand seemed to lift on it's own accord towards his face. Just an inch away from smooth skin, when Blair realized what she was doing, her hand paused in mid air. Chuck froze, glancing down in her trembling fingers.

He backed away as if her hand was on fire, all the way to the other end of the room. She suppressed the rippling feeling inside of her ribs and pressed her palms together. He just recoiled away from her. Did he really think she was rotten? How would she ever convince him to believe her?

Sharply exhaling, she continued, still adamant in fighting for him. ''After a while, after spending time together with you - I got scared. I was afraid to lose you. So I didn't say anything.''

''You lied to me'' Chuck said dully, almost tiredly, staring out the window. ''You lied to me from the first to last day.''

It was a fact. She couldn't deny it. It was the ultimate truth, but Blair needed him to see that wasn't the whole story.

''Do you remember when I sprained my ankle? When we were driving back, going away from hospital?'' she quietly asked, ignoring the way Chuck didn't answer, but the way his forehead leaned on the opposite wall was reply enough. ''I told you I never loved you, I told you that there was never love involved.''

Chuck buried his head in palms and she got off of her seat to stand behind him, but careful enough not to touch him. ''That was the only real lie I ever said to you. You always used to say how I was running away from you, despite always being there-''

He hastily pushed himself off the wall and muttered ''I don't believe you''.

Blair watched him storm across the room, towards bedroom and she decided to get to the core of it - to admit things she couldn't even admit to herself.

''I only did it because I was scared'' Blair confessed, stopping him in his tracks. He was still refusing to look at her, but she wouldn't give up the chance to say the words that were on her lips from the moment they met. Because yes, she was scared, always petrified; of not being accepted, of being only housekeeper's daughter, dismissed as such, scared of not being _enough_. She was never in it for the money, never in it for anything else that acceptance, but destiny interfered and next thing she knew - Blair fund herself deep-neck in lies to one person that managed to win her heart, to one person that put complete trust in her, to one person that loved her truly. And she loved him back, even now, as he etched scars over her soul.

''I did it because I was a fool.''

''Don't'' he snarled, turning back and coming up to her, so close that he towered over. Blair stared back at his darkened eyes and her pulse raced at the proximity, her body responding to him easily and fluidly. ''Don't talk to me about feeling like a fool.''

She bit her lip, because she felt like a stupid villain, she felt terrible that after everything they've been through - he ended up feeling like a fool. How will she convince him that he was everything to her? That he still is? That he was no fool, no matter what his father said? That he was the most amazing person she ever met and everything they've been through was precious to her? He was her morning and night and everything in between. Blair inhaled a deep breath, still gazing at his eyes, his face, and she didn't hesitate this time as her hand gently caressed his cheek.

''I love you'' she whispered, finally feeling his skin. The smoothness of it was familiar and comforting. She thought she felt him melt under the touch, she thought she saw his eyes soften before they closed.

''Don't'' he flung her hand away, backing up immediately as if she was poisonous. He shook his head and Chuck opened eyes, glaring at her as if she just slapped him. ''Don't.''

''You can't change what happened'' she managed to sound steady, though her insides were burning and churning with agony. He was retreating, he was pulling back away from her. He was closing in that shell of hostility and toxic air. She couldn't let him do that to himself, she couldn't let him deepen the cut that she started. Chuck now had the knife and he was stubborn in twisting his own wounds, knowing - or maybe perhaps not knowing - that by hurting himself he was hurting her too. ''No matter what you try to do.''

And Blair begged him to leave the wound alone so she could heal it, begged him to let her fix him. Because if she couldn't do it, who could? Who loved him more than she did?

''You kept running away from me'' he quietly said, fists clutched at his sides. ''I blamed myself. You would say we're done - I'd still blame _myself_.''

She closed her eyes, feeling something in her throat grow to the point it hurt to breathe. Blair shook her head, silently pleading him not to go there because whatever he would throw at her would kill - not because he wanted it to - but because it was true. It was one side of truth, a cruel loveless side and she wanted to tell him how she kept running away because Blair wanted to spare him of her, she wanted to set him free of her wickedness, of her rotten core. But she loved him too much to let him go.

The thing in her throat wouldn't let her speak.

''When you cried'' he roared, absolutely livid and the beast that she met in Nate's home came out, unleashed. There was nobody to defend her, nobody to shield- but she wouldn't want that. Blair gulped heavily, adamant in standing her ground and confronting the monster, despite the anxiety and crippling dread. ''I blamed myself! Go on! Why don't you run away, Blair?''

''Cry'' he shouted, veins on his neck popping out. The mocking word reverberated across the walls and buzzed in her head. He grabbed her forearms, fingers digging into her skin and violently shook her. ''Say that we're over!''

The madness spiraled and finally took control over him, possessing him like a demon that she summoned with darkest magic since the dawn of times. Her bones rattled as she shook her, but she let him take it out on her - she let him because she loved him and this feral beast was her sick creation. Teeth grit together, Blair waited until he was done, until his breath was hot on her cheek and she gazed up at him with all the ardor she could possess, ''I'm not running away anymore.''

Blair did then something she thought would surely get her killed. Not in moment of desperation, but in moment of irrevocable love she felt, Blair broke the chains of his prison and hugged the beast, encircling her small arms around him. Eyes squeezed shut, she buried her nose in his chest, prepared for him to push her away, to shove her to the ground and twist the knife further. He smelled like her Chuck did - musky cologne and hint of soap. His skin was hot under the shirt - it was fire - a fire that singed unbearably, but she stayed put, holding onto him tighter.

Blair stood like that, listening to his racing heart that mirrored her beat, thumping against broad chest. World outside went on without them, completely unconscious of the mighty endeavored that was worthy of tales and songs. A stand-off between prince turned beast and a princess turned peasant girl when the midnight struck. His body seemed to slump in her embrace and Blair's breath hitched. Had he finally yielded? The thought sent her heart in another race, but of completely different kind.

Chuck gently lowered his hands on her shoulders, trailed tips of his fingers down to elbows, sending shivers down her spine. She gingerly looked up with knotted eyebrows, hopeful and anxious. Chuck was smirking.

Only, it wasn't one of those saucy smirks after snide comment, it wasn't one of those cunning smirks after successful scheme, not even the self-satisfied one after he'd randomly catch her staring at him across the room.

It was a vicious shadow of a smirk, a cruel distorted visage.

Though his eyes were unreadable, Chuck gently pushed her away from himself and leaned to to whisper in her ear, ''I will make you pay for every single day - _every single second_ \- that I spent believing you.''

Warmth of his body slipped through her fingers and Blair froze, arms dropping at sides. Color of her skin drained, replaced by unpleasant tingles.

''You - _all_ of you'' he went on, but the smirk turned even darker, his whole face an expression of gloom. The threat hung in the air, dangerously hovering over her head. She wished she would yell at her, because this alien coldness and controlled hostility was worse that anything. ''You will all pay.''

At that moment, key in the lock turned and in stepped Georgina, holding up the silver key with crown pendant.

Blair didn't notice anything, the world around her blurred into a nothingness. Everything evaporated except the prince turned beast. She held Chuck's eyes, the dark irises of the demon inside and Blair realized there was nothing she could say that would make him believe her. With cold, surprisingly calm fingers she picked up her purse off the floor and left the apartment without once looking back.


	30. Battlefield

**Chapter Thirty**

**Battlefield**

_The most dangerous lover is one who greets pain with a smile._

''What do you mean you two don't know anything about Chuck?'' Paige chewed her gum loudly, browsing through vacation pictures on rosé iPhone. Over her shoulder, Anthony approvingly nodded at half-naked bodies on a yacht, topless backs of his lady friends under the scorching Croatian sun. ''He's been MIA ever since last year ended. I can't even find an online update. It's the first time since he was fourteen that TMZ didn't have a single report on him.''

Serena opened her mouth to reply, but one quick glance at Nate and she seemed to change her mind. ''I am as clueless as you are.''

The lounge room of Constance University was buzzing with excited murmur, girls squealing as they hugged each other, friends meeting after separation of summer spent abroad. Everyone was tanned to the point of a healthy glow, their hair lighter and majority of them sported beachy waves as if they just arrived from Greece island - which was somewhat true. Serena's smile was sad, she spent her summer away from Chuck - first summer ever - and she missed her best friend. Suddenly, her smile lit up and she beamed from her seat, ''Blair! How are you?''

If there is Blair, there was also Chuck - right?

On the other end of the room, Blair was neatly filling up Management club paper forms, wanting to join the club as soon as the first day of class. She looked up from the papers and offered a tight smile, but her eyes were guarded and careful, as if someone might barge in any second and start a shoot. She was alone.

''So did they finally break up or what?'' Anthony asked boredly, surprised to see her on her own and somehow under-dressed. She looked like she lost a few pounds and was in dire need of some sleep, maybe even an aspirin or two.

''None of your business'' Nate clipped, getting up from the table and went striding towards her. Besides Chuck, he was the only person that knew what was actually going on. Serena fortunately kept her distance, but felt very much left-out and most of all concerned to the point it hurt not to ask anything. Nate felt terrible for keeping stuff secret, not just from Serena, but from Evelyn too.

''It's a state secret'' Paige rolled her eyes, turning off her phone since Anthony lost any interest in the pictures.

Nate held Blair's eyes as he approached her and she reminded him of those graceful wild animals with a fatal wound that watched you with caution, seizing your every step. His heart went out to her. To be honest, he didn't think she would show up today. She put herself on the spot, chin held high. What gave her the courage? Despite the innocent delicate appearance, Blair had more guts than anyone he ever met.

''Nobody knows anything'' he whispered in her ear on the pretense of kissing her cheek.

''Where is he?'' she whispered back, holding tightly to the forms in hand. It wasn't necessary to elaborate who _he_ was, it was all very painfully clear.

''I don't know.''

The question was redundant because as soon as Nate went back and sat on his seat, the person in question walked into the room and instantly all eyes were on him. It would be a lie to say that people came to class just to see their friends and grab a schedule for this semester. Off the record, everyone came to see what happened with great Prince of Night. Where did he spend his summer? Did he and Blair shut themselves up in one of cabins on Ibiza? Did they go to Cannes festival and decided to gamble away their inheritance in one of Monaco's finest casinos?

They strained their ears for gossip, each tale about him as different as the last one, yet none of the stories came close to real truth. Hush fell over the fellow students, the summer tales put on hold as they gazed in stupefied wonder, silently asking themselves if this was a joke or one of those stupid flashmobs. Where was the camera? Where is the music?

Chuck Bass looked as handsome as ever, dressed in his usual attire - except the suit was devoid of any cheerful colors. It was dark and offered a stark contrast against his pale skin, enunciating sharp aristocratic features even more. The girl hanging on his arm was a novelty, an eye candy with crazy look in her eyes. Her outfit matched his; black pants, suit and classical black Louboutins. Her hair put in high sleek ponytail was onyx color, like his, her skin ivory, like his.

They were surely a sight to behold, but whatever happened to Blair? Whatever happened to Righteous Queen of Upper Fifth, an honor student and protector of the poor? This girl looked nothing like her and everyone wondered how did she manage to dethrone the Queen?

All eyes reverted to Blair, scrutinizing for most minuscule grimace, any sign of emotion, waiting for a reaction to this extraordinary turn on the events. To everyone's dismay, Blair didn't seem bothered by this in the slightest. Chest puffed out, she made a point of passing by the couple with indifferent face and after her grand exit off the stage, the murmuring recommenced - louder than before, followed by several clicks of the phone camera.

Chuck greeted his friends without letting go of Georgina. They welcomed him back with gaping mouth and queer looks, secretly dying to know what the hell happened this summer? In what alternate universe did they wake up today? The thought that someone managed to break apart the ultimate power couple seemed surreal.

''Do I know you from somewhere?'' asked Nate, cocking his head in mild confusion. By bewildered look on her face, the girl was most definitely a freshman.

''You do look familiar'' she replied slightly too nonchalantly, her arm still linked through Chuck's. ''But I can't really remember from where.''

''And how do you know Chuck?'' added Serena with a smile, raising an eyebrow.

Chuck and Georgina exchanged glances and she replied slowly, ''Our parents are cooperating on my father's hotel.'' She knew Chuck wanted to keep the information of his current address a secret - actually he made her swear she would - no matter how much G. wanted to brag of him being her neighbor. What a jackpot did she hit with him. There was no better way to get introduced to college life than on the arm of Chuck Bass.

''Let's go'' he cut their conversation short and steered her away, hand on her lower back. ''I'll show you around.''

Serena pushed herself off the table, offended by the brief and almost trivial greeting. ''Wait!''

He looked different since she last saw him, as if he was on edge, maybe even tired. That would be even weirder since he didn't once visit Tropic club this summer. Not since he started that fight and Bart had him kicked out of his own club.

''Where are you going?'' Serena said with concerned voice. It was apparent he and Blair broke up and she knew how much he loved that girl. It took Serena whole 9 academic months to see that fact. Whatever happened now, he couldn't be taking it well. This was what she was scared the most - of someone breaking his heart. ''Aren't you going to sit with us? Maybe explain why you dropped off the face of the Earth? I was worried about you-''

''Serena, spare me the melodramatics'' he sighed, beckoning to the girl impatiently. ''C'mon.''

Georgina followed him in silence and waited until his best friend stopped glaring at her, waited until they were well out of earshot. Her self-satisfied smirk was still plastered on, but this time etched with insecurity.

''You friends don't know anything'' she noted, somewhat accusatory. Georgina was thrilled, to say the least, that he would expose Blair on the first day of class and seal her doom. And best thing of all; Georgina would have the prime seats for the show, watching it under Chuck's wing. But they saw her earlier and none of those things happened. His friends remained ignorant and oblivious. Did he still care about her?

''They don't need to.''

Students passed them and she was aware of the eyes that traced their every move, relished in the gasps and shocked expression. Envy, jealousy and even anger was readable in faces of the students, everyone wishing they were her and Georgina fucking loved the attention. She fed on it, her ego swelling to the point she wondered why the hell did magazines didn't publish her picture already?

''You really are amazing, Chuck'' she breezily provoked, smiling spitefully at people around them . ''You're still protective of Blair despite everything she did to you.''

''I'm not protecting her'' he snapped irritated, but seemed to recover and straightened his lapels. ''I just don't feel like everyone knowing what a fool I've been.''

''Right'' She breathed in relief and caught a sight of Blair, ''Can you wait for me? I have to use the restroom.''

Georgina entered the loo with hand on her hip. Her grin seemed to widen, showing expensive pearly whites. ''Everyone is at their rightful place, don't you think?''

The tiled room was empty, leaving just the two of them. Blair washed her hands at the sink, without once looking up.

''I am with Chuck and you...'' she laughed maliciously. ''You're just where you belong. Invisible. Unimportant. Midnight has passed, Cinderella. Grab a mop and get on with it.''

Blair calmly dried her hands with the paper towel. ''Your dreams finally came true, didn't they G.? The Prince of Night finally stepped out of magazine pictures and held you by the hand.''

''And your dreams are ruined'' sang Georgina, mentally very much perturbed by missed bullet of provocation and her arch-nemesis' casual attitude about this. She expected a temper tantrum, crying, threats - anything. She was genuinely looking forward to it. Off the meds, Georgina was able to experience all of these vibrant vivid emotions - hundredfolds stronger.

But Blair seemed untouchable, almost amused. It infuriated her.

''You do realize this is all you're getting from Chuck?'' Blair went on, leaning on the sink to face her with a mocking smile. ''And all of that thanks to me. Due to mistakes _I've_ made. Actually, Georgina, I think you owe me a big thank you. Some flowers would be nice. I myself am particularly fond of peonies. I find them rather refreshing, don't you?''

Georgina stared at her with bewildered face, feeling the rage build up in her chest. Was she making a joke out of her? Was she laughing at her? No, she was wrong. This was because Chuck liked _her_, Chuck liked Georgina - certainly not because of this nobody. He did, he must have, they've been hanging out and he picked her above everyone else. That's why he showed up to Constance with her on his hand. They were meant to be, it was only natural. One day, they would run the Millennium together and they would have a grand life.

''You can say whatever you want'' G grit through her teeth, ''But Chuck will never be yours again.''

''You poor thing'' Blair whispered, mock pity in her knotted eyebrows. ''Without me, he wouldn't spare you a second glance.''

Georgina gulped heavily as Blair approached her with measured step, her sickly saccharine voice grating her ears.

''Do you know what you are to him?'' she went on quietly and Georgina hated her with everything she had, she couldn't imagine how would Chuck ever fall for someone as disgusting as she was. ''You're just a gun for him to point at my head. And nothing else. Not now, not ever.''

''He'll never love you'' Blair continued. Though her voice was calm, Georgina felt every word like a slap in her face.

''You're just a pathetic pathological liar'' Georgina finally uttered as her enemy started to retreat. She was surprised to hear herself trembling, to feel her fingers painfully dig into palms. ''Just a liar that keeps deluding herself. Get a shrink.''

''Oh, but you don't have to believe me'' Blair called out over her shoulder, flipping her hair carelessly. ''Because you've never even seen us together.''

She paused and laughter from outside could be heard, someone's heels echoing through hall. Blair deeply breathed in, as if whatever she was to say next was intended for herself only, not the girl that was trying to steal love of her life away. She absentmindedly fingered her ruby ring, but it wasn't there. The finger was bare, the ring still gone.

''You never saw the way he loved me.''

Paige entered the restroom and looked at them in surprise. Ignoring her, Blair pushed the doors open, completely put off as her eyes met Chuck's on the hall. A wave of emotion hit her with full force as he pushed himself off the wall with half-open mouth. A memory flashed across her mind and for a second, for a miniature moment, it felt like this was a year ago and he was just waiting for her to come out as he always did and continue the conversation that they had just earlier.

Except this wasn't last year, she remembered. This was now and they hated each other. They haven't spoken in days, unless you count death threats and insults. With an upturned nose, Blair looked away from him and disappeared in the crowd that swarmed towards the exit.

Paige immediately exited the restroom, trying to hide an amused smile under her hand. ''Chuck, your friend is having a breakdown in there.''

''Georgina?'' he asked, glancing at the spot where Blair disappeared.

''I don't know'' she shrugged nonplussed, ''We call her Superglue.''

''What happened?'' he ignored the nickname.

''I saw she had been inside with Blair, your ex girlfriend must have left her like this.''

Chuck cursed under his breath and turned away towards the exit without another word.

After that, Georgina got out of restroom, wide eyes alert and slightly red. ''Where's Chuck?''

''He left'' Paige replied, assessing this novelty. How could someone who randomly broke apart on the first day of school ever win over The Heir? The though was ludicrous. There must be something else going on in here. Superglue's eyes narrowed and she furiously strapped purse over shoulder, leaving towards the opposite direction than Chuck. Paige chuckled, not even bothering to steer her towards the exit. Let the girl learn her way around, it would do her good.

* * *

Blair had enough of chaos on the first day of her second year. She was sure of her strength to endure the day, and she did. Her tolerance of pandemonium just reached it's limit in last few minutes. But when she got off the cab and from the corner of her eye saw Chuck's limo pull up, it would be an understatement to say that she was surprised. She knew for a fact that all seniors had another mandatory class today. Despite the nervous feeling in her stomach, her pace didn't quicken and she strolled through the lobby casually, was just to head down the stairs that led to home when someone roughly pulled her wrist.

Was she surprised to see furious Chuck? No, the phenomenon had been too often these days to be put off by it.

''What did you do to Georgina?'' he grit through his teeth, releasing hold on her immediately as she turned around.

''Go and ask her'' Blair replied almost bored, feeling herself as equally furious but bottling it up. Oh, so suddenly he cared about Georgina? If he did, why didn't he stay there and comfort her? She went to leave, but he pulled her back by her hand, stubborn in keeping her there. There wasn't any romance in the gesture or the affection. He looked at their interlinked fingers and his jaw clenched.

''You can't stand her'' he accused with narrowed eyes, looking up to meet her stare. ''You used her, her house, her hotel and family - everything. Georgina reminds you of all the things you've lost, doesn't she? Of all the things you don't have?''

Pursing her lips, she looked away from him. How could he not understand? How could he not understand that only thing she missed was him and he was the only painful reminder of lost things; of lost happiness, of lost love. Who cared about fictional wealth, of perfect family? Those things were nothing to her.

''You don't get it, do you?'' she quietly spat and tried to wrench herself free from his grasp. ''Let me go.''

''You hate her because she ended your game'' Chuck went on, still holding her tight for her wrist, forcing her to look at him and listen to what he had to say. ''Because she took the toys out of your hands. You lost me because of her.''

They stared at each other like a Mexican stand off and Blair's breath hitched as she realized something. If she truly lost him, why couldn't he let her go? If she really did lose him, why was he always there, stubborn in reminding her of that fact? What was going on through his head?

''Blair'' Dan called out, shock on his face as his eyes zeroed on the way Chuck's hands grasped her wrist. He rushed up to them as he entered the lobby, pulling his sister back. He glared at their hateful neighbor with obvious hate, ''What the hell is going on?''

''Nothing'' Blair swiftly lied, rubbing the sore skin on her arm. If Dan discovered she had anything to do with Chuck, she'd be dead. ''I fell and he helped me up.''

Chuck glanced down on her and then at her brother. He had the nerve to sneer at him.

''What's so funny?'' Dan spat after him before he entered the elevator. Chuck didn't even reply, but the doors closed after him, hiding the wicked self-satisfied smirk on his face.

* * *

Doorbell rang and Chuck got off the sofa with a loud huff.

''Archibald'' he drawled as he opened the doors, mildly surprised to find his best friend on the other side. ''What do you want?''

''Nice place'' complimented Nate, squeezing himself in, ignoring the annoyed look on Chuck's face. He looked around himself, maybe also simultaneously searching for potential murder weapons. ''I would have come sooner, but I don't think I was welcome. Figured you'd forget about it by now.''

''How did you know I was here?'' _Nobody_ knew he was here. Chuck made sure he couldn't be traced back to this place. Did Blair tell him?

''I followed you.''

''Why are you actually here?'' Chuck rolled his eyes, dropping down back on the seat he just occupied. He was slightly impressed with his friend's improvement of scheming skills. ''I'm fine. Body count zero so far.''

''How selfish of you'' Nate commented dryly. ''I can't talk to my man about _my_ problems?''

Chuck leaned his head on his palm, ''I didn't feel like going to class today.''

''Ah, _I didn't feel like going to class today_'' mockingly repeated his best friend. ''Because this place is so much better? You show up in Constance and ditch classes completely. What's up with that?''

''Every time I see her here'' he said, gloomily staring at the spot on the wall. ''Every time I see her with her parents, with her thief of a brother - it's enough for me. It's enough no matter how hard I hurt her already.''

''And how long are you going to be here for? How long are you going to keep hurting her?''

There were few moments of silence as Chuck still gazed at that spot, lost in brooding. ''Anyway'' he lifted his head up, shunning whatever thoughts he had away. ''What's going on?''

''Ugh'' Nate groaned, hiding his desperate face in hands. ''I feel like shit, man. From keeping Serena in the dark about everything, watching her squirm with worry to me hiding from your mom. That means I had to change my number, that means I have to hide in my house like a last criminal when Evelyn rings the doorbell. Wait a minute'' he said as if an idea just occurred to him. ''All my problems have to do with _you_.''

''Give me a break'' Chuck dismissed him with few words, closing his eyes to block out the sight of him and the mental pictures of mother and Serena.

''So while I'm trying to help you, you're telling me to give you a break?''

''Stay out of this'' his voice was cold and firm, opening eyes and focusing them on him with intensity that would make anyone cower. ''Alright?''

''Alright'' Nate shrugged, raising his palms in defeat. ''After all, everyone in Constance is now wondering why you two broke up. You, my friend, have absolutely no idea how many girls are invested in your love life. You have no idea how many of them are obsessed with you, especially this new group of freshmen. Their ideal-past time is playing paparazzi on you. Chuck, you never did care about your fan club.''

''Nate'' Chuck warned, leaning towards the blond guy. ''You have the wrong floor, I believe. The person you're looking for is downstairs. When you get into the elevator, press -1.''

Nate looked at his best friend with worried eyes, trying to think of a way to get to him, to make him see reason. When would this madness end? How long is this going to push this? Until it's too late? Until he does something that would do permanent damage?

* * *

It was somewhere in the dead of the night when Blair had been shoved from the deep slumber into cold reality. Rubbing her lids, she sleepily felt the spot next to the pillow for her phone. Turning it on, the brightness of the screen assaulted her bleary eyes and she squinted hard. The set of numbers had her groaning.

It was 3 am. The most ungodly of hours.

Someone buzzed again, the noise deafening in the silent flat, the same noise that had her woken up. Someone kept pressing the button outside the building and it almost never happened, especially at this dead hour. It meant that somebody forgot their front keys, but who could be out at this time of night - in the middle of the week?! This building was mostly a family residential area. Since nobody answered the persistent buzzing, she reckoned her parents were still asleep. To spare them the trouble, Blair quickly put on jumper that reached to middle of her thighs and pressed the button to enable the caller to get in the building.

She stood in the darkness of her living room, staring at the ancient machine that finally stopped buzzing. Dan snored lightly on the couch, still asleep, his arm wrapped around Jessica. There was a nervous feeling forming in her stomach. Something in Blair's guts told her to check who was buzzing. Something urged her to silently walk out of flat and climb the stairs to see what was going on. And so she did.

''I forgot the key'' Chuck lazily said as he entered the chilly lobby, his arm casually draped over some girl's shoulder. They both looked drunk, loopy grins on their faces. And they both looked her over, from her messy bun down to bare legs. He paused in front of her, gazing through half-closed eyes. ''No need for welcome committee. Opening the doors would have been enough.''

Barefoot, Blair let the coldness of the marble under her feet soothe the fire that burned through her body. They stared at each other and she was surprised to see there was no hate in his eyes, no usual hostility. Despite that revelation, she stiffly nodded, the bottled up rage slowly starting to brim over the bridge.

''I'm not up for night chitchat with the staff'' girl commented in obvious disgust and annoyance. She tugged the sleeve of his shirt. ''Let's go, babe.''

''Babe?'' Blair repeated in furious incredulity, grabbing girl's elbow and wrenching her away from him. She let him damage them once, Blair would be a fool to let him do it twice - especially since he made a show of summoning her to see how he hurts her. ''You're coming with me.''

The girl wobbled on high-heels, obviously more incompetent to walk in them than actually drunk. Desperately, she looked in panic at Chuck as Blair dragged her towards main doors, begging him for help. Behind Blair's back, out of her sight, he imperceptibly smiled and shoved his hands in pockets, idly watching the spectacle.

''Chuck!'' she called out once again as Blair pushed her out on the street, the cold air hitting her like a blast.

''Walk'' Blair threatened, hands on her hips. The girl stared at her in irritation and she didn't budge, but something in Blair's attitude scared her and she turned around, hailing herself a cab. Not even The Heir, who by the way did absolutely nothing to help, was worth of this psycho biting her pretty head off.

Blair saw her cab drive away and only then did she turn back in, facing Chuck with scowl on her face.

''Move'' she ordered after he didn't move a muscle, eyes still staring down on her. The lack of hostility from him put her off, it was confusing, and she looked away, pulling him by the shirt sleeve in the elevator. She expected him to wrench himself away as he always did, to flinch away in disgust, but he didn't. For some reason, Chuck let her touch him. As soon as they were in, she dropped grip on him and doors closed behind them. She didn't want to push her luck.

''This looks familiar'' he observed with a slur, leaning on the steel wall and watching her through mirror on the other end.

Blair knew she looked like crap, but so did he right now and the energy between them palpably shifted. She knew he still hated her, but in this moment, it felt like the old times. They were once in this position before, only with reversed roles. It was only last school year when she was trying to run away from him and he wouldn't let her go. What had they turned into?

''Push me away as hard as you will'' Blair repeated the words he once said to her in the elevator at Constance, her voice still husky with slumber. ''But I'll always be here for you.''

And she meant those words and she wanted to remind him of it. To remind him of what they had, of what he promised. Because she loved him and she would be here for him, not matter how hard he tried to push her away. He didn't reply to that, but his eyes still held hers.

''I want to sleep'' he whispered as the elevator rose, closing his eyes and slumping in the corner. ''I'm tired.''

''And so am I'' she exasperatedly sighed, hiding her hands in sleeves of a jumper. ''But you deprived me of my sleep and we both leave for class in exactly 4 hours.''

The gust of cold wind entered the small space as the elevator stopped and heavy doors opened. Blair shivered, her legs bare. She pulled down the hem of the jumper, looking in the hall if anyone would see her. What the hell would they think if they saw her half naked in the elevator at 3 am with a boy from upstairs. What excuse would she give to parents? ''Chuck'' she urged quietly, looking at him in mild panic as he made no reply. ''You need to go home.''

He made no move to let her know he heard her or to open his eyes. Chuck seemed to be passed out on the floor.

''Oh, no'' she groaned, shuffling feet nervously. What if someone entered her room and noticed she was missing? How would she get up in the morning? Sleep would most definitely avoid her tonight. Worst of all, how was she supposed to lift him up? Calling for aid was out of the question. Chuck was heavy and lifeless. It would require_ direct contact_, something she wanted to avoid at all costs. ''Chuck Bass'' she tried once again with an angry voice. ''Get up. This instant! This isn't funny.''

No reply. No movement.

''For crying out loud'' she murmured, bracing herself and inhaling deeply. She couldn't just leave him there. Blair knelt next to him, eying his crumpled shirt, loose bow-tie and messy hair. God, who was crazy enough to get hammered in the middle of the week? Only him. There was a faint smell of scotch and cigars lingering in the air. She lightly pushed his shoulder to see if he really was out, making his head roll down to his chest. He made no sign he was conscious.

Blair proceeded to put an arm under his shoulder, adamant in lifting him up and carrying him to his doors. She could do it, she could try. Besides, how heavy can one person be?

She felt her veins popping under pressure as she tried to push him up, using all of her strength. He was like a solid rock, fixed in one spot. Blair dropped her arms by her sides, breathing heavy with effort. Muscles of her triceps twitched, not used to the exquisite labor.

''I don't need your help'' his sharp voice startled her. He looked at her with such intensity that she thought he must have somehow sobered up. Blair immediately pushed herself off the floor and he did the same, much less gracefully. They stared at each other once again and she thought he was going to rip her throat.

Chuck wordlessly passed her, leaving her alone in the elevator. He managed to do few straight steps, but it was obvious the alcohol was still in his system. Before he could fall flat on his face, she was already by his side, supporting him.

''Go away'' he moaned, though his arm held on to her tightly. He fumbled with the keys for few moments. ''Don't you know I hate you?''

''I think you made that perfectly clear'' Blair scoffed as she snatched keys away from him and unlocked the doors herself. They stumbled in the dark apartment together and Chuck took off his shoes, not letting go of her. Soft orange light from street lamp streamed in the room through window, easing their vision. Blair was hyper aware of every little thing regarding him; of the warmth of his body, of the haziness of his eyes, sexiness of his ruffled hair. He hadn't let her touch him in months and the thought was like a stab of knife. Now that it finally happened, she couldn't seem to let him go.

''You shouldn't have come in'' he slurred the words as they stumbled to the bedroom together. ''I don't want you here.''

''And I don't want to be here'' she lied, feeling herself provoked by his words. With great mental effort, Blair detached herself from him and let him drop down on the mattress.

''What are you doing?'' he asked chuckling as she undid the bow-tie. One of his hands rested under his head, the other one skimmed over her bare thighs. Breath hitched in her throat as he gazed at her with a smirk and half-lowered lids. Right now, he looked just like her Chuck. Was he in there somewhere, under the cover of alcohol? Her heart was racing mile per minute and she wondered if he could hear it. Every nerve of her skin was on fire, all thoughts completely vanishing and leaving a blank mind.

After Blair didn't slap his hand away, his fingers caressed her skin, far less hesitant. She let him, not having strength to deny herself this pleasure, frozen in spot under his gaze. Truth be told, she craved for his touch like a man dying of thirst craved for water. ''I don't want you to choke'' she whispered and only then did realize how close they were, in the darkness of the room. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss him. Now that the hostility was gone, would he push her away?

''Naturally'' he replied with husky voice, his palm going further up her thigh. His thumb traced circles and something in her stomach fluttered. His hand was under her jumper, an inch away from her underwear, doing something to her body only he was capable of. Shiver went down her spine as she was thrown under his spell. ''You wouldn't want to kill your investment. That would be bad business strategy.''

With those words, Chuck pulled back his hand and rolled on the bed, turning his back towards her. The spell was shattered, the drops of water cut off. Blair sat there dumbfounded, clutching his bow-tie. The feeling in her mouth was dry, as if the water only made her more parched.

Did he just called himself an investment? Did she hear him right? What was he talking about?

Blair decided not to dwell too much on his drunk words. It was late and she had class in the morning. Tiptoeing around the room, she spread the curtains wide open so morning sun would keep him from sleeping through the tomorrow. The punishment was well deserved. If she couldn't get any sleep, so won't he. Blair waited for few moments until his breathing became deep and even. Chuck snored lightly and she left his apartment, but not before leaving a bottle of water on nightstand.

* * *

''Did you find your ring?'' Dan asked as they walked together through their little street towards the main one, headed towards bus stop. She went to class and her brother went to a job interview. If Jessica was good at one thing, it was forcing him to seek a new occupation.

''No'' Blair said, swinging umbrella in her hands. It was a wet day in New York, September rain was heavy and unpredictable. The temperature went down for several degrees and she huddled in her beige trench.

''Do you think there's something wrong with mom? Do you think she's feeling well?''

''Maybe'' she replied with shrug of shoulders. The whole debt-Chuck-lies chaos definitely worsened whatever she had before. Jane often left for doctors appointments, but never once mentioned what did the doctor actually say.

''What's up with you?''

She would say that nothing was up with her, but her mind was still stuck in last night and Chuck's change of attitude. As expected, she couldn't sleep, but rolled over bed wondering if this lack of loathness was here to stay? Did something happen that changed his mind about her? What if he wasn't drunk? Would he still touch her like last night?

She would have thought of all of those things and even more if a car honk didn't startle her. Dan pulled her towards him, back to the side of the road, and limo that nearly ran her over, slowed down.

Window rolled down and Chuck's eyes didn't waver from Dan, ''I'm sorry'' he said with a smirk. Blair noticed he was alone in the car. ''My chauffeur is apparently not as good a driver as you are.''

''You son of a-'' Dan snarled, but by the time he could finish limo already drove away.

''Don't listen to him'' Blair dryly commented, following the car with narrowed eyes. The smug basstard looked like he slept full 8 hours, whereas Blair was well aware bags under her eyes were the size of Russia. It would be a lie if she said she wasn't insulted that Chuck didn't even spare her a glance, but merely provoked her brother and left. She wanted to know if what happened last night changed bond between them. She wanted to test the waters and see how would he react to her - would he threaten her as usual? The way he ignored her just now, the way he picked on Dan with no regards to her - it stung. Was it her imagination or did he seemed to be in a good mood? ''He's just trying to push your buttons.''

''I know'' Dan seethed, resuming their way towards bus stop. ''But I can't help it. I hate the guy. It's like he's always laughing at us.''

* * *

Blair felt lonely during classes. There was no Penelope, her friend was taking the year to study abroad in London and she couldn't help but to envy her. The pictures P sent were amazing, LSE university was top university in Europe regarding the field of Economics. She couldn't help but to fawn over her newly acquired British student life.

On the other hand, Constance students crowded around Blair, but never talked to her. Everyone waited for her to snap, to lose it and go hara kiri on Chuck's new toy, Georgina. Blair was fully aware of these things, yet all she could think about was last night. Why didn't Chuck push her away? Why did he let her get close to him? The question was slowly killing her and that's why, as soon as classes ended, she found herself outside on rain, standing in front of him.

''We need to talk'' she said as rain soaked her hair and clothes, dripping down her fingers.

''About what?'' Chuck stared down on her, waiting. He didn't cuss her out, he didn't say no. It gave her hope, but that same hope had her terrified. The smell of wet ground enveloped them and it seemed they were miles away from Constance, somewhere far and remote.

Blair opened her mouth to ask why wasn't he pushing her away? Why wasn't he threatening her? What happened last night? Did he secretly still love her? But those words were handful and she couldn't possibly get them out of her mouth. ''Leave Dan and my dad alone'' she instead said, chickening out. ''They have nothing to do with this.''

''Dan'' Chuck spoke his name slowly, as if trying it out and whatever it tasted like felt sour. He looked away as if disappointed by whatever she said, as if he expected something else entirely. ''You mean your brother that went to private school abroad and after that turned into a car thief?''

Ah, there it was. The mocking. The hostility. He was drunk last night, the remembrance of what he did must be completely wiped out by the alcohol. Or induced. It didn't matter, Chuck probably didn't even remember caressing her. She wiped a drop off the tip of her nose, her heart heavy and crestfallen. On the other side, this dangerous ground was familiar and she could thread on it with skilled practice.

''I think I have particular set of problems regarding him'' he went on, meeting her eyes. ''Remember?''

''I remember'' she confirmed nodding. ''But don't involve him into this.''

''Don't you get it?'' Chuck lowered down his voice, taking a pressing step towards her. Rain drops from the tip of his loose hair fell on his cheekbones, racing down to the jaw. The space between them was almost nonexistent, certainly a development, but the hostility was back, simmering under cool facade. Whatever happened last night was a fleeting thing, maybe even a trick of her imagination. How could he ever let her close? The guy clearly couldn't stand her. Nevertheless, she stood her ground, boldly staring back at him. ''You're all the same to me.''

''Chuck'' a soft voice called out, a voice that had them both freeze. It was as if a hand from the past reached out and slapped them across their wet cheeks. Evelyn stood under the shower of rain, looking at her son with pleading look. Chuck didn't revert his eyes away from Blair and she saw a signal warning in them, a warning that made her cautiously pull back away.

''I missed you'' Evelyn said with trembling voice, only seeing her son, trying to meet his eyes. ''Tell me where are you? Where do you live?''

Blair bit her lip hard. She didn't know where her son lived? She didn't know _anything_? A pang of sadness struck her heart, feeling sorry for Evelyn, despite everything what happened. Nobody deserved this, especially not someone who loved you unconditionally.

Chuck caught Blair's glance and she saw his face pale, she saw his cool facade start to crumble. ''Mother, don't you ever come here again'' he grit through his teeth.

''I'm worried about you'' his mom went on, her hands outstretched towards him as if yearning for a hug. ''What has been going on?''

''I think you know the answer to that question the best'' her son replied coldly and turned his back to her, walking into his waiting limo and driving off.

Blair didn't realize she was shivering. Evelyn finally looked at her and the disgust was all over her face.

''Do you see what you've done to us?'' she sharply said with desperation laced in her voice. ''Do you?!''

Blair gulped heavily, staring straight ahead, not daring to meet her eyes because she couldn't face to see what monster did Chuck's mother think of her to be.

''You've payed the price of your lies by losing my son'' Evelyn went on, her voice breaking. Her flawless make up was soaked with showering rain, mascara dripping down her cheeks and mixing with tears. ''How are you to pay for my tears? How are you to pay for my pain?''

A limo rolled over and Nate got out, horror on his face. Blair was ever-so-grateful for him when he led Evelyn away, steering her into his limo. She exhaled shakily as the car drove off because she couldn't answer her. The guilt she forgot about in the midst of fighting for Chuck, overwhelmed her once again. This was all her own fault. The ominous feeling was all-consuming and she was running out of the school gates, back of her eyes stinging.

''God'' Georgina intercepted her way, sneer on her face. Umbrella over her head was thick and black, shielding her perfect up-do from rain. ''You really are pathetic as you look.''

''What?'' Blair spat, not even caring about her own dishevel appearance. ''Chuck didn't offer to ride you back home?''

''I'd rather have you on the menu'' her neighbor smiled maliciously, lowering down her obnoxious voice to a threatening whisper. ''Look, B. If I start talking and everyone finds out you're housekeeper's daughter - do you think you'll be brave enough to enter this school ever again?''

Blair looked at this sad psycho, thinking of all the times her family helped her, of the time she saved her life. How ungrateful can one person be? How spoiled? How _entitled_? It was disgusting.

''Actually, it's enough if I just talk to Serena.''

''You're threatening me now?'' Blair laughed, feeling so worked up not even bitter cold could penetrate her body. ''What's stopping you, Georgie? Go on'' she dared, sick of this game of waiting. ''Tell everyone. Tell your _Serena_. I'm over this.''

Yellow car parked by the curb and Blair stepped into it, deciding to skip class and go meet someone that always made her feel better - no matter what. Edward Morelli was like a compass in this storm.

* * *

Jane was peeling the potatoes, listening to the news from old radio on the fridge. She always listened to news, hungry for the information of outside world. What is going on in Europe? Is the war still raging in the Middle East? Who won Pulitzer prize this year? House was empty and she was able to enjoy the company of this voice from far away in peace. That is until doorbell rang.

Immediately she put down the potato and peeler, wiping her hands on a tea towel. As Jane opened the doors, she dropped her hands to sides in mortification.

''What have you done to my son?'' Chuck's mother demanded, her hair wet from rain. There was fury to her, an aura of lioness protecting her cub. It was the same aura Jane sensed first time when she came into this place on the pretense of returning a book. Foolishly enough, Jane thought she would help them. ''What scheme have you planned to lure him here, in this building?!''

''We didn't'' Jane quietly replied, still frozen with shock. ''He came by himself. He came here to torture my daughter.''

''If you think I'll feel sorry for you'' this elegant woman forcefully whispered, her eyes flashing lightnings. ''You're wrong. Neither you nor your daughter should have been building castles in the air. You dreams will _not_ come true, Mrs Jane.''

Jane felt herself slapped by these words. Castles in the air? What did these people think? That they just wanted to marry wealthy and that was it? No personal goals, no academic achievements, nothing but the hunger of gold diggers? Was the thought that two kids from two completely different worlds were in love was so ludicrous and insane? She stared blankly ahead as Evelyn left, anger building up within her.

''What do you know about our dreams'' Jane snarled after her, making the woman pause in surprise. ''Do you think you're the only mother here?! You have your kid, but what about _mine_?''

Two mothers stared at each other, very much different in manners and appearance, but deep down their core was the same. Both of them just wanted to protect their children, no matter what.

''Alright'' Jane breathed heavily, looking somber. ''I admit, my daughter has made a terrible mistake. But she had payed a vast price. She had been paying it before you've been aware of things and she still seems to be paying it.''

Evelyn stared at the poor woman. Something in her nagged her to feel sorry for them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't because she knew better. ''What exactly has been Blair paying for?'' she asked with raised eyebrows, challenge in her stance. ''For her future... Or for that priceless ruby ring that she will only be able to see once in her lifetime?''

And then Jane realized where this fury came from. That was no cheap piece of jewelry, the reason behind Blair's panic after losing it suddenly made sense. Jane realized the true worth of that ring and the story behind it.

Most of all, Jane realized the Bass family would think of them as gold diggers as long as they thought that ring was in their possession. That cursed gemstone needed to be found as soon as possible. It needed to be found and returned. Because once that was done, Chuck Bass will move out and disappear out of their lives. Because he was obviously here for the ring, but was too proud to ask for it. What else could possibly bind him to this place?


	31. On The Other Side

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**On The Other Side**

_Those who hate most fervently _

_Must have once loved deeply._

_Those who want to deny the world,_

_Must have once embraced_

_What they now set on fire._

''You beauty'' murmured Dan as he traced his hand over the beautiful, glossy front. God, she was so gorgeous. So perfect. Nothing could compare to the smooth touch under his fingertips. Shiver went down his spine as he thought of riding her. If only he could have her. He'd know how to treat her right. So far he'd seen her only in magazine pictures. ''He doesn't even deserve you.''

The car, brand new Audi R8, was majestic, to say the least. The engine was a beast, Bugatti was nothing compared to this princess. How could someone not appreciate this perfect masterpiece and still have no shame to drive it? It should be illegal. Why did people who deserve nothing always get everything? Why does the world keep pleasing fools and rewarding greedy bastards?

''He'll use you...'' he slurred, his vision hazing after downing whole bottle of vodka with homeless man down the street. ''And after he gets bored, he'll throw you away like you're nothing to him!'' With those grudging words, he kicked the tires and alarm turned on, blaring through the desolate street.

''Chuck Bass!'' Dan shouted over the alarm, looking up at the tallest window. All of the lights of the building were out, it was past midnight, but he didn't care. ''Your Majesty! Can you hear me, Bass?! Get out!''

He staggered while looking up, almost tripping over his own feet. ''I'm wa - waiting for you!''

Alarm still went on, a violently loud noise that could be heard couple of blocks away, and Dan marveled in the chaos because that's how he felt. The turmoil inside of him couldn't be quenched, it grew and grew, eating up every good feeling he ever felt. That's how he felt thanks to this greedy son of a bitch. He wished he was dead. There was nobody on this planet he hated more. Dan watched as the lights turned on one by one, curtains set aside to see what was going on.

_Look on, rich idiots!_, he thought scornfully. _Enjoy the free spectacle! Pretend to be revolted, pretend to hide your entertainment! Laugh at us poor fools, as you always do. Laugh at us, but don't you dare pity us._

''All hail, the Prince of Night!'' he bowed mockingly after devil himself came down, exiting the front doors. They faced each other and Dan couldn't contain the surge of disgust and loathing that ran through him. This guy had everything; money, girls, good cars and zero gratitude for anything. Did he ever work for anything in his life? Entitled rich brat who liked to bully them poor mundanes. ''Your Majesty came down to spare a visit to us poor peasants.''

Chuck said nothing. He merely looked at him, seeming bored, hands stuffed in pockets.

''Dan'' Blair came out only few second after, still in her pajamas. She glanced between them, overwhelmed with great sense of panic. She was scared they would start another fight. Jessica paused at the doorway, her eyes widening at the sight of famous Chuck Bass. ''What's going on?''

''Look'' Dan slurred, swaying where he stood. His smile was broad and twisted. ''The rest of your subjects came-''

''Let's go'' Blair pulled him by the hand, noticing how drunk he was and impatient to end this scandal as soon as possible. Right about then, the rest of the family came, horror etched on their worried faces.

''Good night'' Chuck quietly said. He threw a glance at Blair before turning the alarm off with his key and driving away.

Right then, Mr. Sparks came up to them, still in his suit. He obviously worked until late and was up when all of this happened. Whatever he was feeling, couldn't be explained by his face because it was perpetually set into stern expression. His eyes were always guarded, but words that he uttered spoke volumes.

''These apartments'' he said in cold, collected voice. His posture was straight, a sign of a man with complete authority. ''Are not to be associated with reckless, disrespectful behavior such as this. Is that clear, Mr. Bob?''

Blair's father tightly nodded, wrinkly skin flaming with shame. He was shocked, disappointed, angry. His own son, his pride and blood was making a drunk circus, in front of people who had them under their heels.

''Be so sure that myself and the rest of the residents will discuss this incident on our next council meeting. This is my final warning. Have a good night.''

Each of them felt the same way. Each of them was well aware of how dire the situation turned out to be. It didn't matter that Chuck didn't stay and furthered the humiliation, for whatever reason. They were too stupefied to fully appreciate it. Residents had the power to fire them and replace them with someone else. Not everyone needed to agree, only half of the heads of the families living here. If that happened, they would be kicked out on the street because this little apartment was bound with the service job. They would be jobless and homeless.

Blair didn't even notice when their parents went back inside with their heads bent down. Why didn't dad yell at Dan? Why didn't he put him into order? Maybe he wanted to avoid another scandal. She stared at her brother who still sported shadow of a twisted smile. Nausea overcame her at the sight of it.

''What's going on?'' Jessica asked with high-pitched voice, still holding her distance.

''Get inside'' Blair ordered, not averting her eyes from her brother. If his fiance didn't know already, maybe it was best she doesn't learn anything. At least not from her.

''Excuse me?'' Jessica sneered, taking a step towards them. ''I have every right to know what's going on-''

''Do as she says'' Dan's hard voice cut her short. With an upturned nose and great huff, she went back in.

''Hundred thousand dollars'' he murmured, his eyes glazed.

''What?''

''Chuck Bass ordered me to pay a hundred thousand dollars by the end of this month'' Dan whispered brokenly, digging back of his palms against the lids. ''The whole amount of the rest of the debt.''

Blair only then noticed the buzzing in her ear, the constant pressure at the back of her head. ''What? When?''

_What when why _where the words that burned on her lips. What, when, why? What, when, why?

_Why, Chuck? Why?_

''Does it matter'' her brother growled and she saw the pain in his eyes, the sick fever he held inside that spread through like a disease - turning words, actions and thoughts to rot. ''He called me to his club a week ago and told me if I don't pay, he'll take everything we have.''

Hundred thousand dollars? The amount was so big it seemed surreal, virtual. But it was real, every dollar of it. How could anyone not crumble under that pressure? Under the pressure of ruining your own family? Except this wasn't Dan's burden. This wasn't the consequence of his mistake. This was the aftermath of Blair's lies. If she didn't lie to Chuck that day when they met, if she brushed his advances away, he wold never drive her home. His car wouldn't break down near Dan's mechanic shop. Dan would never get to take the car for a drive. Car would be intact. Her own family would never meet Bart Bass and there would be no debt to pay, no stress, no knife perpetually hanging over their head.

Most of all, Chuck would never get to know her. There would be no revenge.

''He can't do that'' she finally found her voice and it trembled, trembled at the realization that all the steps she thought led to forward turned out to lead backwards. ''He can't.''

''And why not? Because of my pretty eyes?'' he snorted, using humor to deflect the guilt she knew he was feeling. She knew because Blair felt the same, if not hundredfold worse.

''You would be all better without me'' he added with thick voice, shaking his head. ''Don't tell our parents about this. I don't want them to worry for nothing. It's not like they can do anything.'' With that he disappeared into the Manhattan night, leaving her alone on the street.

* * *

''A worried mother is always right'' her ex-boss advised wisely after hearing what happened with Evelyn, his vibrant blue eyes now murky on cold rainy day. The air was salty and humid, messily throwing stray hairs across their faces. ''But that doesn't give her any right to say stuff like that.''

''As if I would be obnoxious to contradict her'' she pointedly looked at him as that was the most stupidest thing on the planet.

''Oh, really?'' Edward leaned towards her, linking his fingers. ''So you are just a lying social climber? A gold digger? Are you going to accept that, Blair? Are you going to let them label you as such?''

She shifted in her seat, still uncomfortable at the use of her name. Somewhere along the way, he stopped calling her a kid and she started calling him Ed. When they talked, time passed by like it does when spending it with a friend and Blair found herself coming to him more often. Surprisingly enough, there were no more lipstick stains on champagne glasses nor did she see Diana Sparks here again. Her neighbor still threw her dirty looks every chance she got.

''Stop worrying about what other people see'' he said after she made no reply, wind ruffling his sandy hair and a single lock fell across his forehead. ''What do you see?''

What did she see?

Blair always let others define her. They would make assumptions and she was stubborn in knocking them down. She was so resolute in destroying other people's conjured images of her that she never stopped and considered - what was she like underneath the shield and armor?

''How long have you let others walk all over your pride?'' he went on, somewhat passionately, as if what they were talking about was a most important thing on the world right now. As if this was more to him than just another bad spin off episode of The Hills.

''I could never stand Chuck's eyes on other girls in the past'' she mused, gazing at the storm brewing at the edge of the gray horizon. ''Now I couldn't care less about my pride.''

_I only care about him_, the rest of the words hung in silence and Edward Morelli didn't need to hear them to understand them. His eyes dropped down to the floor and his voice sounded much more somber. ''Okay, forget about the pride. You got rid of your lies. You're growing into your reality. It will be a hard journey, but it will be true.''

''Is that why you stopped calling me kid?'' she couldn't help but ask, staring at him under her eyelashes. Did he stop thinking of her as a child since she came clean with her lies? Does he think she is an adult now, someone who could handle the truth and not escape to false comfort of lies?

''Did I?'' he slowly raised his head up, smiling crookedly. ''I wasn't even aware of it. Come on, let's get inside. I'll make you some coffee.''

''Well'' Edward scratched his neck after setting the cups in front of them, sitting on the couch opposite of her. Today's newspapers were spread out in front of them on the table, coffee spreading delicious savory scent thought the warm interior. She felt serene and mellow here, lounging on the white leather. The arrangement was to clean Vero yacht only until classes start, but Blair still found herself coming here, usually after class or on weekends. They just talked and on good days would sail into the ocean. Sea gave her peace, the light swaying of the boat always put her at ease. ''You know you'll always have your job with me, but... How are you going to pay that amount of money?''

''There must be some kind of other solution'' he added gravely, staring gloomily at the wisp of smoke rising from the cup.

''I don't know'' Blair sighed, looking away from his toned muscles. When she came here, he wore nothing but blue stripped boxers, his six pack visible in it's glory. Ed said he would go and get decent, only to return with added white cotton shirt. Apparently, just a little bit less naked was his idea of decent. ''We've been paying back bit by bit. Now that things escalated, I have to get a job too.''

A job with schedule like hers, being a full time student? Her grades will have to suffer, but if she didn't sleep at all, she might even be able to keep the scholarship. This whole thing was getting messier and messier and she was glad she could at least talk to someone about it. Edward Morelli was like a beacon in this night and she was ever-grateful for his support and council. For whatever reason, he stopped being her annoying boss and became precious friend.

''I'll talk to Chuck'' she declared firmly, sure of herself.

''Like that would change anything'' he dryly commented, taking a sip of the coffee. ''_You_ are his problem. Nobody else, no matter what he says.''

''And that's exactly why I can't sit down and casually watch as he makes my family pay for my mistakes.''

''What if your plan fails?''

''It won't'' she said because truth be told, Blair didn't know what to do if her plan fails. ''I know Chuck is miserable. I know this is making him even more so. I'll explain-''

''What if it fails?'' Edward repeated more forcefully, his lips set in a grim line. ''What then, Blair?''

She held his demanding sky blue eyes, unable to look away. What if she couldn't get any sense into Chuck? What if he won't listen to her? Recent events told her that he just might do that, Chuck just might listen to what she had to say. Besides, he spoke to Dan over a week ago, way before this shift between them happened. It was true, he stopped threatening her, stopped insulting her every chance he got.

But Edward was right, what if he doesn't care about what she had to say? What if he's just bored? Bored Chuck was dangerous Chuck, even more sadistic than when he's angry.

''I'll make sure it doesn't'' Blair murmured, both knowing full well what would happen. They would lose everything.

* * *

(*cue in internal screaming*)

**Chuck POV**

The doorbell rang.

I knew it was her. This apartment had more traffic than brothel in Upper West Side, yet somehow, I always knew when she came to see me. Tonight, walls seemed to move, threatening to close in on me. The silence was as loud as a scream. Lights were out and gloominess of the space was intimidating. Not even scotch could offer any consolation. I've been sober for past few days and the effects on my brain were starting to show. I hoped there was no permanent damage.

The picture in my hands was crumpled with constant folding and unfolding. I looked at our smiling oblivious faces, hating the sight of it. Couple on the photograph had everything; they were happy, they were in love and nothing seemed to measure up to them. Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. That's how it was, right? That is how it was supposed to be? Until she ruined them. Until Blair ruined us. I could feel my skin tingling with resentment and animosity.

Why did I still have this picture? Why didn't I throw it away?

Jealousy brimmed inside of me like a storm outside my window, stirring over the New York skyline, and I hated the guy who was not looking at the lens of the camera, but at her eyes. She had pretty eyes, didn't she?

I didn't hate him because he was an idiot. I didn't hate him because he was too stupid to see what was going on. I didn't hate him for being blind to her tricks. Tricks he would usually smell in an instant on anyone else. I hated him because he got to hold her. Because when he woke up in the morning, he rose with a smirk on his face, knowing he will get to pick her up for class. Knowing they would be spending the day together.

I crushed the picture and threw it in the corner of the bedroom. The doorbell didn't ring again, but I knew she was waiting for me to open it. When it came to her, my body and my mind seemed to be two entirely different notions, completely independent of each other. In fact, they were constantly at war.

I took a deep breath before I opened the doors. It was past midnight and I knew she sneaked away from home to come and meet me. Subconsciously, I think I was waiting for her to come, though we made no arrangements. The sight of her evoked dozen different feelings inside of me, but two always fought for dominance; anger and longing. She looked up with those wide doe-like eyes, rich brown shade of my favorite truffles. Blair was always like chocolate; sweet and dark, beautiful in her twisted lusciousness. Why did she have to ruin us?

Her mouth opened as if to say something, but I didn't wait. Tonight, all bets were off. I left the doors open for her, heading straight to bedroom. I couldn't bear the loathing anymore. Fear has triggered something in me and switched everything upside down. I could feel the longing winning over the anger, the loneliness rooted inside of my soul paving the way to the glory. Tonight, I will do anything to keep her by my side. Tonight, I will let her have her way. I will soak up whatever she wants to say, whatever lies she wants to fill me up with, just to have her near.

It took some time for her to follow. I was beginning to worry that she wouldn't come in. But when she did, I didn't want to see her face yet. I didn't want to because whatever I was feeling inside of me threatened to explode. There was an emptiness digging a hole in my chest and I was scared, so frightened it would consume me and there would be nothing left of me on this world.

''Leave my family alone'' she resolutely demanded and that emptiness began to evaporate just at the sound of her voice. I always thought there was something regal in the way she carried herself, in the way she spoke. It was something that couldn't be bought with money, something you came across a handful of times in your life. ''They're innocent.''

I stared at the gray hideous curtains of this place. I hated this apartment, but I couldn't leave. Because wherever she went, I would go too. And if that meant isolating myself from my family and friends to stay near her, I would do it. I did it. I have no regrets about it. The anger sizzled at the mention of her family. Of her _brother_. I used to feel sorry for the guy, but seeing the way she was being treated makes my guts churn. She always kept talking about them, nothing but about them, and I couldn't help but to feel resentful. If only she asked about us. The void in my chest ached at the thought of _us_, but somehow, her treacherous voice was managing to soothe it.

''We can't pay you back that amount of money for a month.''

Money? Everything always revolved about money in New York. What was money for me? Just a weapon to coax her out, to hurt her as much as she hurt me, to keep her close. Because everything that happed between us was because of money. Some zeros on a bank account. Her pining for a lavishing life I never cared about. And now it has all come to an end.

I peered through the window. It was eerily calm outside, but the shifting mass of clouds was a threat enough. For a split second, lightning illuminated the night and I finally turned to look at her. She stiffened as our eyes met, as if whatever I felt inside she felt too. I looked at her fingers and once again, there was no ruby ring. She never wore it. A token of my love which I so foolishly bought for her and she never wore it. Not even when we were together. Just another proof of her lies. Another proof that she never did love me. Did she sell it? The thought set me apart.

As if she could ever feel what I was feeling.

Blair was standing in the doorway, not being in the room, but also not really out. As if she was always prepared to flee, always having an exit in the line of her vision. There was always sense of middle ground with her, a caution of not going over-head with anything and I hated that. I hated her cold, reserved manner because how could I explain that I was the night? That I was infinity of choking darkness and that I needed her to go overdo it. To pile on, to go to the extreme and light up my night because right now, I think I would crumble down in abandoned pile.

''But you can pay me'' I quietly said as I got closer to her and the feelings in me doubled, tripled, tearing me from inside. I needed her more than ever, more than anything, and I was willing to do everything to get her by my side. Few nights ago, when she helped me up in the apartment - I wasn't even drunk. I just needed an excuse to be close to her and could barely refrain myself from touching her.

She wanted money? She wanted fame? She wanted to save her family?

She could take everything, I will willingly give it all and won't bat an eye. ''Tonight, you can pay off the debt.''

Wasn't that her goal from the start? To make me fall in love with her, to make me forgive the debt and adorn her with most expensive jewels, to give her fame and glory? Because I would have done that even without the lies. I settled next to her, leaning on the wall and slowly, inconspicuously inhaled. She never wore perfumes that assaulted senses, but there was always a hint of flowery fragrance on her skin. Right now, my lips were throbbing with need to kiss her smooth neck, to get a taste of that sweet scent.

Her gaze sharply cut into me and I nodded towards the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. ''How would you like to save your family tonight?''

The lightning rumbled in the distance and I saw the blazing fire in her eyes. I relished in it.

''Or have you promised your fidelity to Morelli?'' I went on, pushing myself off the wall and closing distance between us, towering over her. Rain fell hard against the windows, the sound of drops hitting the glass. The anger was back, laced with turmoil and indescribable despair. Because that bastard showed up, pretending to be a prince on a white horse, wanting to pay off her debt himself. And I was livid, I was furious, I was hurt. What had she made herself do with him to earn an expensive favor such as that one? What did she have to do? Something that she didn't want to, but needed to force herself because I threatened to take everything?

Worst of all, what if she actually liked that guy?

I came here to hurt her because I hated that I still loved her. Yes, I hated that I still love her despite what she did to me. Despite knowing she was with me only for the money and glory. And now she was trading me for someone else with those things. Self-loathing consumed me and I once again trembled with the fear - the gripping fear of losing her for good.

If the debt was gone, there would be nothing else linking me to her. She would have no reason to be with me. It hurt so much I needed to take it out on her, the jealousy was eating me alive. I would give her everything she wanted, just to have her back. I don't care if she was with me only for the money, I will let her have her way tonight. ''Is he the only one for you now?''

The pink shade of her lips kept distracting me from the anger, from the burning ache and I couldn't take it anymore. What if I lost her for good? What if I never got to kiss her again? In sheer desperation, in blinding passion that scorched through me, I leaned in to press my lips against hers, to get a taste of that sweet fragrance. But she was already pushing me away before I could close the distance. The sting of her hand on my cheek was acute and I welcomed the pain. I embraced it because I wanted her to touch me, even if that touch hurt.

''I will never forgive you this'' she spat, running away and leaving me alone in the dark, empty room.

* * *

Blair didn't know why she woke up in a good mood. She couldn't tell why she whistled while putting on make-up, why she grinned like a fool while shoving down her breakfast. Not even Jessica's stupid remarks could put her off.

''What happened?'' Jane asked suspiciously, eying daughter's meticulous colorful outfit and fresh face.

''Nothing'' Blair breezily shrugged, grabbing her purse off the couch. ''I'll be late to class. Have a nice day everyone!''

The day was bright and bathed in warm sunshine. It hardly looked like September. There was a stark contrast to the stormy night, but the faint smell of rain still lingered in the air. Blair lied, she didn't feel like staying home so she went to Constance Uni. Despite the risk of her lies being exposed, she felt a pull to that place, knowing full well house couldn't contain whatever she was feeling today. The elation, the ecstasy. Where did it come from?

The courtyard was almost desolate, only few students lingering around, having academic errands to do before classes started. Her heart fluttered when she saw him. Chuck was leaning on the wall close to the entrance, looking around as if searching for someone. Something in her chest tightened as their eyes met and he walked towards her with quick steps. Something told her he had been waiting for her.

Flashes of last night seared through her mind, both painful and pleasurable. Despite the surge of strange satisfaction at the revelation that he still wanted her, that he craved her even more than before, that he felt unreasonably jealous - the insult of the last night's proposition was still fresh.

She would have slept with him last night. But not for money. Never for anything like that. If only he kept his mouth shut, she would have let him kiss her. That proposition must have been a test or something. Blair set her face into grim expression and willed herself to avoid him.

''Your sweetheart still didn't buy you a car?'' was the first thing he said and this time, she didn't have to pretend to be outraged. Last night changed something for sure. He used to avoid her like a plague, but today he was the first to approach her, first to talk to her. ''Since Morelli is sponsoring you these days, why don't you just turn your back and walk away?''

He ran to keep up with her and she flinched away from his touch, from his hold on her elbow - surprised as he didn't give up on leading a one-sided conversation. Chuck was apparently back to subtle jabbing, but there was a sense of urgency now, as if he was fighting against the time. Up until yesterday, he hardly spoke more that two words in a day to her.

''Don't touch me'' Blair growled, shooting him a glare, feeling slightly confused. Why was he so hung up on Ed?! Where did he get the idea that they were lovers? The thought would have been funny, if the situation had been less serious. This jealousy was getting out of control. ''Don't you dare talk about last night. You should be ashamed.''

''Drop the act'' he scornfully pressed, pulling her back to him as she tried to go.

''Get away from me, Chuck!''

''Don't you hear what I'm telling you'' he grit through his teeth, eyes narrowed into slits. ''Your captain has obviously been wanting to cash out your love escapades. He offered to pay the debt of your family.''

The words were like cold water. Blair stiffened, taking a step back. ''Are you serious?''

Ed tried to pay her debt? Was this a joke? One of Chuck's schemes? A trick to have her fall into?

Chuck slowly nodded, carefully gauzing her reaction, but she didn't notice it. Her mind revolved around single word; _betrayal_. Because that's how she felt now, she felt betrayed. No wonder Chuck made that preposterous proposition last night. Blair slowly made 180 turn, getting back to the street.

''Your lover came to _my_ club'' he went on tenaciously, catching up to her as she walked away, obviously doing everything to keep her here, to engage her into the heated conversation. ''To see _me_. He wanted to pay off your debt and you tell me you didn't know about this?''

She paused and locked her eyes with his. His jealousy now seemed absurdly reasonable. Chuck did have a point, he barely knew the guy and Ed came to his club, looking pointedly to pay the debt of Blair's family. There was no explanation to give but most importantly - she couldn't be arsed to give one at the moment. This thing needed to be resolved right now. This must be one of Chuck's schemes. Otherwise, she would never forgive Ed for mortification like this.

''Get out of my way'' she seethed, shoving him aside and quickly hailed herself a cab.

* * *

The harbor was almost empty. Majority of the boats and yacht were unleashed, cruising through the azure surface of the sea, leaving white foamy trail in wake. Seagulls screamed, flying through the fresh air or resting a top wires, catching sun on their white feathers. The day was too beautiful not to seize it, not to take full advantage of it, or even not to ditch the more pressing matters. That's why Blair was half-surprised to see Vero yacht anchored.

There was no sign of life, nothing to indicate that it was occupied. The deck was empty, it appeared nobody was inside.

Blair finally found Edward on a parking lot of the harbor, a strange and surreal sight. She would have wondered at the reason behind him sitting on one of the benches, hidden behind cars, instead of sailing the waves. She would have wondered at his pensive, almost gloomy expression, so unlike his cheery mood. She would have wondered, but not today.

''How could you do it?'' she demanded, feeling nauseous. It took a lot of mental effort to make herself start this conversation. It felt so unreal. Edward Morelli to pull a stunt like this? She would have thought he knew better. ''Did I ask you for your money?!''

''Can we talk about this another time?'' he tiredly said, his eyes out of focus, cloud over his low brow.

''You had no right to do that'' she shook with anger, because this was not help. There were already sparks of hostility between him and Chuck and this incident just magnified everything, potentially ruining every progress she made with Chuck. How would she explain to him that Ed was just her friend? That Ed was most certainly not someone she'd have an affair with as he accused, especially not someone she would sleep with for money.

This was claiming possession over her, this was tricking Chuck into thinking she was some kind of Ed's sugar baby, this was putting her in direct danger of her family. How could she ever explain to her strict family that Edward Morelli tried to pay thousands of dollars out of his pocket just because of their _friendship_? What other explanation was there? As if they would ever accept his money.

The thought that her ex boss tried to pay her debt was ridiculous. Everyone would think she was his whore. _Everyone._ And they would be fool not to. Didn't he realize how this looked like?

''Blair'' he sighed, running a hand through his hair. Only then did she notice his clothes wasn't neat and pressed as per usual, it was completely wrinkled. Was this clothes from last night? There were dark circles under his eyes, as if he didn't sleep at all. ''Please, this is not the time.''

''Do you realize what kind of position you put me in?'' she went on, not caring where he spent his night. Blair stared in disbelief as he got up, completely unconcerned by her hysterics. It seemed like he didn't even hear what she said. If her family ever found out he tried to pay the debt, they would send her to monastery. And that was no exaggeration. Of all people, he knew what her family was like the best.

''If you want to talk about this'' he murmured, his eyes still glued to the ground. ''Come by another time.''

With that he went past her towards the Vero yacht, his shoulders slumped. Did he just brush her off? Did he just completely disregard her? He might as well have flipped her off. She trembled with rage as the person she thought of as her only true friend turned his back to her.

''You're not even aware of what you've done'' she screamed after his retreating figure.

* * *

''I'm bored'' Paige groaned, dropping her head on the table. ''Chuck is almost never here anymore. There's no Penelope to bully. Nate stopped ditching lacrosse practice for us. Blair is super lame. Parties suck, there's hardly any drama anymore.''

''We can go out tonight'' Serena offered, digging into her frozen yogurt and licking the spoon. ''Tropic will cheer you up. I heard Drake will pop a visit. You like Drake.''

''I have better avenue'' Anthony smirked, winking at the brunette who just passed by their table in the yard.

''What?'' the girls said in unison. There was hardly better place to party than Tropic in whole New York state, if maybe even on whole East coast. Even more so that Drake, one of the most famous rappers and party people would come. The statement was not just disbelieving, but downright preposterous. ''No way.''

''Alright then'' their friend sighed dramatically, hooking hands behind his head. ''I guess you don't want to know where Chuck lives.''

''Excuse me'' Serena gaped and everyone froze with shock. The information of Chuck's current address was one of the biggest Manhattan mysteries, even bigger than who was responsible for death of Princess Diana. Serena dared not hire a PI to find out the location, only because she promised Nate she wouldn't sniff and because she knew she'd never find anything. If Chuck wanted to cover up his tracks, nobody would be able to find him.

''Yep'' grinned Anthony, enjoying everyone's attention. ''He lives in the same building as Jenny Humphrey, you know that chick I've been trying to nail for the past few weeks. So I went to see her the other day and she set a dog on me. One of those crazy beasts that look like a mop. I swear guys, she wants me -''

''Not interested'' Paige put a hand up and pretended to stick a finger in her mouth.

''Let's go'' Serena suddenly rose and everyone followed her. She threw her fro yo in a nearby trashcan. ''We're going to pay him a visit.''

She was sick and tired of waiting to be let in, of Chuck's isolation and Nate's secrets. Chuck was hurting, his heart was broken and she could see it. Was it so bad of her that Serena wanted to reach out to him and help him? Why won't he let anyone help him? Most importantly, why was Nate stubborn in letting Chuck push them away? That wasn't what best friends did. If her heart was broken, she wanted them to be there for her. And for that, she will be there for him - no matter what.

Chuck needed his friends right now and she would make sure he knows he isn't alone. She would make sure he gets back on the track.

''Where are you going'' Nate intercepted them at the parking lot, carrying lacrosse equipment in bag over shoulder.

His cheeks were flushed with exercise. He hadn't been ditching the practices only because he knew that when classes ended, she was waiting for him at the end of the day. They were supposed to meet at Nate's place, where majority of Serena's clothes were these days. They've been secretly dating for past few months, ever since Hamptons. Now that Chuck was out alone on a mission, that secret was so easy to hide, so easy to conduct. Serena's attentions were only focused on Nate.

And begrudgingly to admit that, he actually liked that.

''If you want to know'' she sang, glad that he couldn't stop her, glad that she didn't have to break anyone's trust to get the needed information. Last thing that Serena wanted was fight between Chuck and Nate. ''Follow us.''

* * *

''What are you trying to pull off'' Nate asked the moment he got out of the limo, staring at the building in front of them. He left the equipment in the car, clutching at his hair in sheer panic.

''We just came to have a good time'' Serena shrugged him off, curiously staring at the unfamiliar area.

''This place is so quiet'' Paige commented, her upper lip curled. ''So _residential_.''

''_Not_ a good place for a party'' Anthony added, holding a bottle of champagne tightly clutched as if a cop might show up and confiscate it. ''No matter how fancy.''

''Just as I thought'' Serena pouted after their friends went in, leaving them alone. ''You know where we are! You've been here before. You knew where Chuck lived. Why would you keep this away from me?''

''Serena'' Nate pinched the bridge of his nose, not able to resist her puppy face. He glanced towards Chuck's window and then at basement - where Blair lived. No matter how much he loved Serena, he was still wary of her scheming. It once went over her head, would it go again? Would he lose her to it? ''Why are you doing this?''

''What do you mean?'' she asked perturbed. ''What are you two up to? You know it breaks my heart when you leave me out like this. And I've let you do it. I've been letting you shut me out from Chuck for past 4 months, Nate. I want my best friend back. ''

''I love you'' she added quietly, leaning closer so nobody would hear them. ''I do, but Chuck needs us right now.''

''He'll be furious'' he urged after he recollected himself, still overwhelmed by her expressions of affection. Her cooing and gentle touch of her fingers on his forearm were getting to him. Nate felt himself succumbing. Admittedly, he knew she was in a way right. But secrets that Chuck carried around weren't his to tell and this was a serious situation right now.

''Chuck already _is_ furious'' she persisted, her eyebrows knotted up. There was worry etched all over her face and Nate wished he could somehow distract her, he wished he could make her abandon her plans - whatever they were. This was the dangerous ground they were threading now, a sole center of battlefield. Land was filled with mines and they didn't even know it. But once Serena set her mind on something, especially if it involved someone she cared about, there was no deferring her.

Blond girl rejoined Paige and Anthony in the lobby, a brilliant smile on her face. ''We'll just throw him a surprise, make him feel better. If he doesn't want us, we won't stay long. I promise, Natie.''

Nate followed them all the way to the last floor, ever so often casting nervous glances around. They were loud in their enthusiasm, laughter ringing thorough usually somber halls. Oh, God. This was a mess. A chaos. Shit. Shit. _Shit_. What if they saw Blair? What if they met Georgina and that girl told them everything? What if Chuck exposed Blair himself? Would he do that?

They rang the doorbell and shouted _Surprise_, holding up a bottle of Moët. Chuck's face couldn't be put into words. He froze at the sight, his skin paling while his friends pilled into the apartment.

Nate caught his eyes, met his furious gaze, and shook his own head in surrender to let his best friend know he had nothing to do with this.

''What am I supposed to do with you'' Chuck quietly seethed after he slammed the doors shut. They hung at the entry, not wanting to join the group of joyful newcomers. The apartment was filled with laughter and squeals of delight, a sound that these walls hadn't heard in months. Paige drew back the curtains, letting the sunshine in. Serena turned on the music, throwing curious glances towards the whispering duo. Anthony busied himself with bottle and the cork. ''To kick you out or to go away myself?''

''He is crazy'' Paige murmured under her breath to Serena, throwing bewildered looks at Nate and Chuck who stared at them as if they came here to spread the plague. ''It's just a simple apartment. Why the fuss?''

''I couldn't do anything'' Nate scratched his neck, feeling useless and stupid. ''They wouldn't tell me where they were going so I followed them. And then they came here.''

''I'm supposed to believe that?'' forcefully whispered Chuck, angry that his best friend did nothing to stop this. His location was discovered, his cover blown. But that didn't matter. He didn't matter. Blair did. The trash collection went in an hour and Chuck needed to kick them all out at the first convenience, by that time.

''Come on'' Anthony hollered as the ladies passed on crystal flute glasses, holding the loosened cork in place and shaking the bottle. ''It's champagne time!''

And right about then, doorbell rang. Without a second thought, Paige went to open the doors and everyone could see the person on the other end, but hardly did anyone believe their eyes. The laughter died out in an instant, as if someone pulled out a plug.

''Do you have any trash?'' Blair inquired with forced twisted smile, not seeming surprised, not seeming perturbed by the fact Manhattan golden youth stood on the other end, gaping at her. The same group she once died for their acceptance, the same group she used to run with. They ate at same restaurants, shopped at same stores and attended the same exuberant parties. People that sat on the diamond throne of Manhattan, who lived in the belief that she sat with them too. Blair wheeled the big trashcan, tapping her foot against the floor, knocking whatever they believed in into water.

The champagne popped off, but nobody paid any attention to the spilling golden liquid, ruining the polished wood of the floor. They all gazed in stupefied wonder at the Righteous Queen, Manhattan Princess, dressed in offensively plain clothes and doing a job of a staff, of a lowest service.

''Blair'' Serena mouthed, petrified with shock as the biggest threat of her adolescent life turned out to be anything but that.

''You don't have any trash?'' went on Blair with raised eyebrows, looking at them, looking at anyone but Chuck and Nate felt even more stupid, he felt like he should have done anything to stop this. He cursed silently, seizing reaction of his childhood friends, knowing they won't let this go anytime soon. When the shock wears off, there would be dire consequences.

''I'm a daughter of a housekeeper'' explained Blair with thick voice that tried hard at staying airy, even though nobody asked anything. For some strange reason, she seemed intent on sealing her doom. But all the while that ghost of a smile flickered on face pale face, as if daring them, fists clutching the trash so hard her knuckles turned white. ''That's why I'm here. To pick up the trash.''

How many times did she utter the word _trash_? That alien word hung in the air, playing around their earlobes, leaving an invisible slimy trail.

''How?'' Serena whispered to herself, but nobody heard her anyway because they were in bubble of alternate reality, where fish swam in the sky and rain fell upwards. Where the impossible was possible and where people dreamed of reality and lived the nightmares.

''Do you have any trash or not?'' Blair finally looked at Chuck. She looked at him pointedly, challenging him with her spiteful eyes, as if this was another one of their battles and she was pushing a dagger in her own chest to prove a point. They listened to the lively music, but not really hearing it. The floor was covered in sticky liquid that pooled around their feet, soaking their labeled shoes. His friends waited for him to flip out, Blair waited for him to outdo her own humiliation. But Chuck Bass had a hard time of looking back at her.

''Have a nice night, Chuck'' Blair seemed to breathe out the words instead of say them and she turned around, disappearing into an elevator. Once the doors closed and the barrier between rose with a loud scraping noise, she let go of the trashcan as if it was fire, as if it was searingly hot all the while. Blair sank down on the floor, gasping for breath, wheezing as if something was painfully pressing down on her lungs.

Finally, she had done it. And it took everything she had in herself to go through with it.

She saw them from her window, lingering on the street. She realized Chuck's scheme, realized that he was setting her up. That he wanted to expose her to his friends when she was most vulnerable.

So he wanted to hurt her? He wanted to hurt her to get even for that thing with Edward? This wasn't a scheme anymore. This was an opportunity to reset the dices. Blair willingly let herself fall into his trap. She let him get even. Maybe this would finally quench his thirst for revenge.

* * *

**A/N: **To the person who asked nicely I update soon because they are going to Italy this Monday. Bon Voyage and enjoy! Let us know how your trip went :)

I don't know if you got it, but Edward **didn't** pay the debt, he just tried to. It will all be explained later.

Soooooo my fellow readers. What do you think of this utter chaos? Chuck POV?!** CHUCK POV**. I demand each and every one of you lets me know how you felt about it. Some of you have requested it before and I felt it was time to write it down, so you'd understand a little bit what he felt like. I just ask you this! Nothing else, just this! One worded review will be enough, please! Don't make me beg, because I won't.

*sobs* Jk, I will. I'm a wimp.

Leave me a review, I'm dying to find out your thoughts. The end of angst is on the horizon! Hoist the sails! (is that what they say? Lol I have no idea) Until next time x


	32. Never Let Me Go

_**Chapter Thirty-Two**_

**_Never Let Me Go_**

_So this is where you are_

_And this is where I am_

_Somewhere between unsure_

_And a hundred_

Chuck leaned on the doorknob, coldly staring at empty hall outside. After lingering for few moments spent in disbelieving, uncertain silence, his friends got the gist, and quickly filed out one by one. He was actually kicking them out. They left without a single word, without a parting glance. The information still not completely processed, or even comprehended, and the dust far from settling down. Only Nate loitered for few extra moments, as if he wanted to say something - anything - but he seemed to change his mind, leaving with a single pat on his best friend's shoulder.

They knew. That meant by tomorrow morning, everyone at Constance would know, heck half of Manhattan would know.

Music still blared loudly, and Chuck turned it off with frustrated slam on the button.

"Fuck" he cursed and bounded down the stairs, in search for her.

The scene in the lobby sent another wave of shock, Chuck stared at his father, at Blair, and at her own father.

"Blair," Bart acknowledged her with deep baritone voice, eyes flashing lightning at Bob. He never hid his animosity towards these people, heavily indebted to him. They met each other in court, in police station, never anywhere normal.

Blair stood between them, still clutching to that damn trashcan, frozen in place.

She looked at him and the fear in her eyes shook Chuck out of the stupor. He climbed down the remaining few stairs, joining Bart.

"Father," He quickly greeted, forcing a casual tone. Despite the fact that his father hadn't spoken to him in months, unless you count detached e-mails regarding business. Despite the fact that he hadn't bothered to call or ask where his son had been living since Chuck moved out. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"How does this man know you?" Blair's father spat loudly, clearly seething with anger. And that unreasonable anger, anger unfit for 21st century, was directed at Blair. It was partly his fault.

Blair stood speechless, trembling from head to toe. He couldn't leave just yet. She had always downplayed her dad's obsession, crediting it down to over-prospectiveness. But if he learned anything since staying there, it was that Blair was good at shielding people she loved, even people that constantly hurt her. Chuck was one of those people and right now, was hurting her with his presence, adding fuel to her dad's fury.

Thankfully, Chuck caught the sight of Blair's mother coming up to them, the woman he couldn't stand, now seemed like a beacon of light. He knew she was the only one he could count on to soothe the situation out now. Because Chuck was only capable of making it worse. If he got involved now, Blair's father would take it the wrong way. Every connection to him could cost her.

Instead he turned towards his own father, "Care for a drink?" He asked, forcing himself to look careless of the apparent situation.

"Let's go upstairs."

He met Blair's eyes and for some reason, her face crumbled down.

Bart looked at this spectacle with patronizing sneer. He followed his son to an elevator, sporting menacing grimace. Chuck's body was on fire. It was ever since Blair showed up at his doors today, and the scorching heat only seemed to get worse. Now his father knew too. Except, Bart was awfully quiet. He didn't look surprised, nor shocked, nor mortified. He looked… smug.

"Party gone wrong?" He asked, eying an abandoned champagne bottle and the sticky floor of his apartment.

"Why are you here?" Chuck cut to the chase, poured his father a glass of scotch, all pretenses dropped.

Bart accepted the glass, sauntering around the living room, beady eyes scrutinising every inch of the suite. "I can't come to visit my son anymore?"

"Anymore?" Chuck repeated under his breath, clenching his jaw. "That implies the action was done in the past. Which wasn't. Not even once."

"You're right," Breathed out his father, shrugging his shoulders. "I came purely on business. Our associate, George Sparks is on a brink of death. He was found on one of his yachts, he suffered a heavy brain stroke. He's in a coma as we speak, vegetating."

"What?" He blurted out, remembering the collected man sitting in office of his hotel, proudly showing a picture of his family. "Georgina's dad?"

He had used that girl, he used this man's daughter for revenge, disregarding her obvious feelings towards him. He felt sick.

"Yes, I came to tell you we'll have to change our game soon. They don't think he's going to make it. The hotel Millennium will fall in someone else's hands, and since new Tropic is days away from opening, we'll have to be alert."

Chuck set his untouched glass of scotch on the coffee table. The news was devastating, but all of this could have been done over phone, or through one of his secretaries.

"That's not why you came here," He stiffly said, straightening up. "You knew about Blair."

It took a while for Bart to say anything. Small hint of cruel smile danced on his tight lips and finally he met his son's eyes. "Of course I damn well knew." He coldly spat, downing the rest of his drink. "Do you think I'd let my only son, my Heir, start a relationship with someone I know nothing about? I did a background check on her, a long, long time ago."

His father chuckled darkly, fixing cufflinks of his expensive suit. Chuck was speechless. His father knew? And he hadn't said anything?

"You" He choked out, always affected by his father's cruelty, despite suffering it for years.

"I knew." Bart confirmed, eyes narrowed. "You pranced around with that girl like a love-sick fool, not even caring about endangering our reputation, tarnishing our name. Chopper rides, fancy dinners, expensive jewelery. I'm not even going to mention that ring that cost as much as this apartment. You took zero precautions to preserve what I build up for years. I've always told you that you are a fool, and here's my proof of that."

"And you still keep proving me right" He went on, his hand hovering above knob, declaring his visit was done. "Instead of going away to Morocco or Thailand for few weeks to get yourself together, you holed up yourself here, in _her_ building, pinning after the maid's daughter like an idiot. It's pathetic. You're pathetic."

"I hate you." Chuck grit through his teeth, making his father pause for a nanosecond.

"Buy a nice funeral suit," His father added, not turning around. ''I want you to stick close to Georgina. If Sparks dies, she gets everything. We need her.''

Chuck exhaled a deep breath after Bart left. He clutched his hair, tugging on it hard. His father knew about Blair. Just like his mother, perhaps long before she did. And he didn't say anything, just to prove a fucking point.

And with this, Chuck was proved a point too. That everyone was a monster. Everyone. Even his very own family. You couldn't trust anyone. No wonder he was this fucked up.

He dumped the glasses in the sink, grabbed a coat and exited the apartment. He needed some fresh air, some time to think. Just as he exited the elevator, voices could be heard from basement, from a small flat where Blair lived.

"I said get over here!" Her dad yelled like crazy. "How do you know that family?! What are you doing behind my back?! How do you know them, fucking talk already!"

"No!" Blair's mother screamed and Chuck froze. There was a loud crash, someone's sob and that's when Chuck realised he just might be able to do one good thing. One good thing that nobody needs to know about. One good thing that will have nobody indebted to him. Especially not her.

Chuck swore under his breath and went back in the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button to his penthouse, willing it to go faster. When he finally stormed into his flat, he buzzed Blair's apartment through machine that directly connected to housekeeper's.

'"Yes?" There was the breathless voice of Bob on the other side.

Chuck gulped, willing himself to calm down, to sound bored. "Can you please come upstairs? Now."

''Yes, Sir.''

* * *

Her lip was split open. Drops of blood trickled down her chin, falling down on the frail carpet. Why was her bed shaking? She lifted up her hands and saw they were trembling too. Perhaps there was an earthquake? Blair clutched them tighter, wiping the crimson stain with her wrist, flinching as wound came in contact.

But that didn't hurt as much as her heart did. She was shattering on the inside. Bombs somewhere under her left breast detonated, one by one, and she couldn't tell the physical pain from the mental anymore.

Chuck had poured gasoline all over her today, and she had let him light the match. He set her up with his friends, with Bart, and now even her own dad was taking it out on her. Thankfully, Bob had been summoned to Chuck's apartment, putting a stop to all the hits he was landing on her face.

But that was no consolation. Chuck probably summoned him to tell him everything, to tell him she got involved with him behind family's back, whored herself for money. That way, he'd execute his revenge in a single blow.

"What did that boy want?" Mother asked after some time when the doors slammed, her voice muffled. She saw the shadow of feet at the crack under the doors. Her Mother's figure must be leaning on the doors outside of her room, shielding Blair with body.

"Talked about some damned stupid bills," Growled her Dad after he came back. Then his voice raised and Blair covered her ears at the unbearable noise. "Blair, come here!"

"Stop it!" Mother screamed desperately. ''Look, Bob. This is the last time you lay a hand on my child, you hear me?''

''I told you to get her!'' Father raised his voice even more, and Blair was scared he would hurt Mom too. She quickly rose, wanting to get out of her room and protect her, but knob was tightly held in place. Jane wouldn't let her out. "She will goddamn explain how the hell does she know those people! That man and his sinful son!"

"Bob" Mom calmly said, but there was an edge to her words, like a knife slicing the hair in two. ''You remember how it was back in our days? You remember why my mother gave me to you in first place? Because she wasn't strong enough to protect me from my own pops. So she gave me to you."

Blair felt a hot tear slide down her cheek as she pressed her forehead against doors. Mom almost never talked about her past, it was a bag full of memories she didn't want to open. Blair respected that, but she never understood her. She never understood what Jane went through. Now that glimpses of those memories resurfaced through these words, Blair realised her mom was entirely different human being that she thought her to be. That was someone who's been through a lot and still decided to sacrifice everything they had for sake of her children.

"But I am strong enough," Jane whispered forcefully. "From now on, I won't let you touch my daughter ever again."

"Let the past be in past." Blair was surprised to hear her dad sound so hoarse, and much calmer. "But Blair never said anything about that boy. All the fights we had regarding him and his family, all the problems, and she never said a word."

"How is she supposed to say he was friend from school when you keep raising hand on her?" Another lie. Mother was still protecting her and Blair wished she wouldn't do that. Blair could see how how much it hurt her.

"A friend?" Bob spat, as if the word was toxic. ''What does '_a friend_' mean? Even his father knows who she is! And Blair kept pretending like she didn't know them. From now on, she is forbidden to go collecting trash. She will never set foot near his apartment again and never come close to him in school. Understood?"

_Understood_, Blair silently whispered. She stripped down her clothes and got into bed, covering her head with duvet. All the effort she put into getting close to Chuck seemed to backfire. He had rejected everything she gave him, providing her with only venom and pain. Today was cake for sure, but tomorrow would be the cherry on top.

Tomorrow, everyone would know of her lies.

* * *

In the morning, Blair opened up a bottle of concealer. She flinched as the beige cream came in contact with the wound on the lower lip. The blood on it thickened, leaving a nasty gash. The apartment was empty and she slowly put on her coat, taking her sweet time. The air outside was crisp, there was a tinge of smoke in the air. A limo was waiting out the front.

She knew he was in there, watching her behind tinted windows. She could feel his eyes trailing her. Blair inhaled deeply and started walking towards bus stop. Sure enough, a sound of doors being slammed and hasty footsteps echoed behind.

"Blair!" Chuck called out and she quickened her steps, lowering down her head so the wound would stay hidden. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want it. "Stop!"

She was supposed to keep out of his way. She was supposed to avoid him.

"Blair, I told you to stop!"

He finally caught up and Chuck's face fell as he saw the state of her bottom lip. Cold wind rustled the leaves on the ground, carrying it farther down the street.

"Does it look good on me?" She asked bitterly, feeling a lump in her throat start to grow, hating his fascination with it. She felt like a zoo animal. His parents never probably hit him, violence was something upper class avoided at all costs, only seeing it in news. Violence was her reality. "Doesn't it bring out my eyes?"

"He hit you," Chuck murmured, as if he didn't believe what he was seeing. Suddenly, his dark eyes snapped to hers, and they were full of fury. "Has he done it before?"

_Many times_, she wanted to say. He cared now? He pretended to care after setting her up yesterday? Now that the damage was done, he felt sorry for her? No, she didn't want his pity.

Blair merely threw him a disdainful glance and spat, ''None of your business.''

* * *

"What are you waiting for?" Serena asked as she rushed to class, the bell just about to signal the start of it. ''You'll be late.''

"What do you think?" Nate looked at her with raised eyebrows, playing with his phone.

Chuck just texted him: 'Don't leave her alone today.'

He would do anything for his best friend, but where the hell was he? Nate had no problem being Blair's guardian today, but that was something Chuck needed to do. Because he needed to be there for her. Because he still loved her. Because she needed to see he still loved her.

"Blair," Serena looked away. Nate wondered if she felt guilty about what happened yesterday? "Of course, you're her chaperone today. That is if she shows up at all."

"I guess we'll have to see."

She looked at him with knotted eyebrows and Nate could feel the rift growing between them. Serena hadn't come to his place last night, and he knew she resenting him for keeping this secret away from her. The trust they build up over the summer had had it's foundations shook, but she needed to understand he couldn't tell her.

Serena left just as Blair entered the courtyard. Nate's eyes widened in surprise, shocked that she had even attempted to come today, despite everything.

"We'll walk in together." She announced as their eyes locked, her face impassive. "You'll tell me not to pay attention to mean comments. You'll sit next to me during lunch. You'll try to make awkward small talk."

He just smiled at her, because it was true. And he didn't care what others thought of it.

"There's no need" She added brusquely.

"Look, Blair," Nate exhaled loudly. "I really don't know why you lied, and that's why I can't understand you, but... I do want to be standing by your side today. I really do."

Blair looked at him with slight gratitude, but the emotion was quickly covered with veil of impatient indifference. "I didn't come here to face them. I came here to face myself."

Because that's what Ed said, she needed to grow into her reality.

_It will be a hard journey, but it will be true._

Blair offered him a small smile to let him know the gesture was appreciated, and she went in alone.

The whispers, the laughs, the clicking of the phones. Everyone knew. And those who didn't, became familiar with the story in an instant.

They threw pieces of croissants at her, left empty cups of coffee and other trash for her to throw away. Where was Georgina in all of this? Blair would have thought she'd be taking the front-seat row at this showdown, but all the main actors were gone, leaving her to face the crowds, alone.

"Cinderella", They snickered as she passed through the crowded hall. "Iron my clothes!", "Clean the chimney!", "Where's my breakfast?"

And still, Blair held her chin up. As she entered the classroom, previous bored murmured turned to enthusiastic chatter, filled with cruel laughter and finger pointing. She had wanted to be like them, and now she was paying the price. She calmly sat in the first row of tables, getting textbook out of the purse.

One of the boys got up from the crowded group, sporting a smirk, and he lifted the projector screen from the board. There was a drawing on the board. A girl in ball gown and crown on her head holding broom in her hands. Underneath was her name. Blair.

The laughter shook ground. At that moment, Serena walked in the classroom. The chattering group waved her over, but she ignored them and sat next to Blair. Blair watched her warily, intensely aware that she wasn't even taking this class.

''How are you?'' Serena asked, green orbs meeting brown.

"It's funny," she went on, even after Blair made no reply. ''I always used to think there was something strange about you. Something weird. But even I could never come up with this."

Blair started to gather her textbooks and leave, but Serena's hand held her down. Her green eyes were intense, boring into her.

"I actually understand you," She quietly said, her long slender fingers curled around Blair's wrist. "For holding unto Chuck so tightly. Always so afraid of losing him. I get you now. I understand your reasons, I really do."

Blair looked at Serena bafflingly not just because she didn't lash out or mock, but because she was taking everything the wrong way. Blair wasn't with Chuck for money. But why should she explain herself? As if Serena, her long-time nemesis that now looked at her with pity, could ever really understand. As if anyone could understand.

Serena got up and left just as professor came in, the chattering group dispersed, each of the students returned to their seat.

After class, Blair was still hung up on Serena's words. She walked through halls, now almost used to whispers that followed her. Someone threw a piece of paper at her head, though thankfully it missed.

"Blair!" A voice called out. She steeled herself, ready for any insult that would come her way.

Anthony came up to her and she rolled her eyes, not up for whatever he had to say. He was smirking, his hands stuffed in pockets. ''Listen, gorgeous'' He boasted, leaning slightly towards her. "Wrong choice, wrong strategy."

"What are you talking about?" She asked warily.

"Look, I may not be as rich as Bass, but if you picked me, I would make sure we had a good time." He winked. "How can a girl truly enjoy herself with someone that likes to brood for fun?"

''What the fuck-'' Someone murmured nearby and Blair froze at the sound. Next thing she knew, Chuck's fist had connected with Anthony's nose, sending him flying to the wall. ''I will fucking kill you!'' He snarled as he repeatedly threw deadly punches at the guy's face. Students recoiled taking a step back from the mess, none stopped watching though. A few of the lacrosse players came to aid, including Nate, trying to separate them, but Chuck seemed to be unstoppable.

Blair looked around. Everyone stared at her with accusing eyes, some even went as far to call her a whore.

They all thought she was a gold-digger. A whore. Someone that tried to tame the great Chuck Bass and failed spectacularly. They thought she was a joke. A disgrace.

Blair quickly turned around and entered the first empty restroom, her mind raving. If only she never lied, they probably wouldn't care she was a housekeeper's daughter. Nobody would even care about her. She'd be invisible, a nobody. Was this so much worse than that? One of the girls followed her, looking towards her with concern.

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly, looking for a sign of tears or anything. There were none. By the looks of it, the girl was freshman. Her blond hair was pulled back by a band, her hands clutching heavy architecture textbooks. "What happened?"

Doors swung open again and by the smell of cologne, Blair knew it was Chuck. Yet her eyes remained fixed on the floor.

Chuck motioned for girl to get out and she did so, but very unwillingly. There was a moment of silence, filled only with their labored breathing.

"I didn't set you up yesterday," He quietly said, moving to stand in front of her. If she moved her hand a bit farther away, she could touch his blazer. Something in her stomach moved and twisted at their proximity, something that made detaching herself from him impossible and unwanted.

"I don't care." Blair muttered, leaning off the wall to get past him and exit.

"But I do." He pulled her back by the elbow, staring down on her. His onyx eyes were intense, his face completely unharmed despite the fistfight he just threw. The only sign of it were his messy hair and bruised, bloodied knuckles, smearing her sleeve. He hastily retreated his hand.

"And I don't." Blair lied firmly, finally meeting his gaze.

Because she did care, despite wanting to remove herself from him. She felt as if a burden was lifted off her chest when he admitted it. Because it meant he didn't want to hurt her, it meant he didn't want to act upon his revenge. It meant that maybe, just maybe, he was starting to forgive her.

Her heart fluttered at his confession, but as if he could read her mind, he coldly stated, "Don't think this means anything."

* * *

When Blair got home that evening, she was greeted with somber atmosphere.

"Mr. Sparks died." Dan explained as he got out of the shower, drying his dark locks with a towel. "We get to go to a funeral tomorrow."

Mr. Sparks died? Oh, God. No wonder Georgina wasn't in school. She just lost her last parent. Georgina officially had no one, excluding her step-mother. Blair couldn't but feel a pang of pain for her childhood friend. Whatever had happened between them was shoved to the back of her mind, and she felt the urge to visit Georgina. But would it do her any good?

She looked up to her mother for reassurance and advice, but Jane stared blankly ahead, as if someone close to her died, rather than just someone who lived in the same building as her.

Jessica skipped on the funeral and went shopping instead.

"What?" She had drawled lazily, picking up her purse. "It's not as if I knew the guy."

The service was short, but straightforward - just as Mr. Sparks would have liked it. There was a large crowd of expensive suits, the Manhattan elite come to say goodbye to a friend, a rival.

They were sorry that he died, but secretly glad a mean competitor was of the way. Diana weeped loudly, as they lowered his coffin in the ground, but Georgina didn't share a hint of emotion. She simply gazed at the wooden casket blankly, as if it was anything but her father's eternal resting place. Blair felt sorry for her. She couldn't imagine what it felt like to go through such death. Nobody deserved to lose both of their parents, especially not at the young age of 19. Not even Georgina.

Jane sniffled and Blair looked at her tears, leaking down her wrinkled cheeks.

"Are you okay" She whispered, rubbing her back, but Jane didn't meet her eyes. It almost felt as if Jane was avoiding meeting Blair's gaze.

Out of the corner of her eye, far away from the masses, and hidden behind old oak trees, was Edward Morelli. He too was dressed in black, but kept distance from the rest of the crowd. What was he doing here? She wasn't aware he knew Mr. Sparks.

There was a broken expression on his face, but his eyes held something much darker. Blair shivered as his glare met hers, and something inside her itched to go to him, to ask him if everything was okay. Her gut told her that something really, really bad happened to him. Something terrible.

"What's he doing here?" Dan bitterly hissed to his dad.

Blair looked up to find that Chuck Bass was intensely staring at her. Dan didn't know he was business partner with Mr. Sparks. There might have been a sea of black and tears between them, but it didn't stop her heart from leaping. He looked away, hardening his jaw, gluing his eyes to the casket in front.

After the service, people dispersed and only selected few went to home of Sparks for traditional mourning, with champagne and caviar servings. Of course Blair's family wasn't invited. What would the housekeeper and his children do with the prominent business people, and socialites of New York City?

Blair stood alone in front of the tombstone, her heart heavy and full of dread. George Sparks was as old as her own mother. They had exactly the same number of years in their sleeves. Why had he died? Who decided that he should go, instead of her mother? What was stopping that someone from pulling up Jane's number too?

The thought was chilling, making her nauseous. She bit her tongue, trying to shake the the dark gloom away. Wind picked up the pace and she shivered, turning to go home. When she entered the lobby, ten minutes later, she was still carrying that shadow of that gloom with her.

She looked up and saw Chuck exiting the elevator. Noticing her, he seemed to change his direction, moving towards her, glorious in the dark suit that fit him like a glove.

"What happened?" He asked as he took in her face, eyebrow quirked. "Shaken by the death of your fake father?"

Blair shook her head, not wanting to dignify him with an answer. Chuck stood in her way, his eyes staring down on her.

"Quit it." She spat at him, clenching her fists. "No need to force yourself anymore. We've passed the point where you're able to hurt me."

He wrenched her back to him when she tried to leave, and then Chuck did something that stopped her heart. He roughly cupped her cheeks in his hands, bringing her face closer to him, forcing her to meet his burning eyes. She thought she would die right then and there.

"Do you even know what means to be hurt?" He whispered forcefully, his breath hot on her cheek. The heart resumed it's beating, more forceful and now it felt like it would break out of her rib-cage. Blair gulped, staring back at his gaze that held so many secrets, so many memories, so many emotions. Ground once again shook under her feet, her knees buckling.

Didn't she know? Her heart was sore, but she was a fighter. He was doubting her? Doubting her feelings, her emotions? How dare he? Blair wasn't made of steel, but he sure as hell treated her as such.

His eyes roamed over her face, pausing at her lips.

With trembling hands, Blair put her fingers on his wrists, intent on pushing him away. His skin was on fire under hers, but her hands wouldn't cooperate. They lingered, her perpetually cold fingers pressing into him. She wondered how could someone so warm act so cold? When their touch met, he dropped his hands away with quick motion. They stared at each other warily, in stupefied wonder, as if what happened now what stronger than them. As if it was something they couldn't control.

Blair was first to leave. She stormed out of the lobby, gasping for fresh air. He didn't follow.

Blair found herself coming to the harbor. She felt terrible about what happened with Ed. Seeing him at the funeral raised so many questions and she remembered how much she missed him, despite what happened between them.

"You're looking for Mr. Morelli?" A safeguard on duty asked, approaching her. "Are you Blair?"

This man was obviously no stranger to her, since they met dozens of times this summer as she came to clean the yacht. "Yes, I am."

"Mr. Morelli sold his boat." He informed, grabbing a handsome envelope out of his pocket. "He instructed me to give you this before leaving."

He handed her the item and left her gaping. He sold Vero? He left? But where? Where would he go? He left without saying goodbye? What the hell happened?

Blair quickly opened the envelope. Inside was a piece of paper with hotel name and a room number. She stuffed it back inside and went home, glad that the hotel was in Manhattan. At least he hadn't really gone away.

* * *

"Your mom found your ring!" Screeched Jessica when she arrived back home. "Look!"

Blair quickly snatched the ring out of her manicured fingers, inspecting it. It really was her ruby ring! Her heart warmed, overwhelmed by mellow and bitter feeling. "Where was it?" She demanded, looking for Jane.

"I think it was under your bed," Jessica put a finger on chin, tapping it in thought. "Your mom had to go to somewhere so she didn't really explain. Maybe I misunderstood."

Blair nodded, not really caring where it was, all that mattered was that she had it back. She went to her room, clutching the ring safely in her fist. Suddenly, a lump formed in her throat and she felt like crying. Because Blair needed to give this ring back. It wasn't hers anymore. It was a token of affection, an affection she didn't have any right to anymore.

An affection that was now long gone.

_Don't take this the wrong way_, his voice rang clear.

_Don't think that I did it because I still love you,_ was what he meant. Because he obviously didn't love her anymore. Blair put the ring on her finger, shivering passing through her body as she remembered everything they had gone through. Everything that was now in the past.

Let the past be in past, her father said. She didn't want to let go of the past, of _their_ past, of the golden days. So Blair lay down on bed and drowned herself in happy memories. She daydreamed of hazy summer days, sloppy kisses, hospital visits, Manhattan view from the sky. All the way back to beginning, the apprehension as she first saw him, wearing Ray Bans and nursing a hangover. The feeling she didn't think meant anything when their eyes first met. The subtle glances that followed, intentional 'accidental' touches, yearning, burning longing and first blooms of love.

But that love had crumbled and now they were left with bitterness.

Midnight struck and she finally rose from bed. Making sure everyone was sleep, especially Jessica in the living room on the couch. Dan wouldn't be home in another half an hour. She took off the ring, and went upstairs.

Chuck was already waiting for her on the stairs. And there was a piece of paper clutched in his hands. She recognized it instantly. His eyes were stormy, burning into her. Chuck held her letter, blotchy ink visible on thin strip. He had read it, all of her sentiments were exposed to him. She took a deep breath and approached him.

"When did you write this?" He demanded, lifting up the letter.

Did it matter when? How could it? No, her confession was useless now, just a piece of paper with her tears and pent up pain. Just something that lost meaning and purpose, a bad reminder of her shame and guilt. Her chest painfully tightened. "A long time ago." She brushed him off.

"When?" He raised his voice, eyes flashing.

Blair gulped, playing with ring in her fingers. Just then, she saw someone across Chuck's shoulders, making his way to them. "Dan-"

Chuck looked over and swore under his breath. She turned around to go back home, but he pulled her with him to the elevator. "You're coming with me."

Those words sent her heart into a frenzy, too surprised to protest. Blair wrenched herself away from him, startled by his insistence. What has gotten into him? The ride to his floor was long, filled with suffocating silence and sidelong glances. His collected cool was gone, and there was a violent emotion simmering under.

"What are you doing?" She shrieked as the elevator opened and he secured his hold on her once again.

"We have to talk."

Once he closed the doors behind them, and flicked the lock, certain she was in his apartment, and unable to escape, he let her go.

"Why didn't I read this before my mother did?" He motioned towards letter, clenching his jaw.

A wave of mixed feelings rose as she remembered words she spilled within that letter. Shame. Love. Guilt. Evelyn had given it to him? Evelyn kept it, after all these months? Blair was sure she had thrown it away. She hoped so at least. Nevertheless, she was secretly glad he was talking to his mother again. It meant he was slowly letting go of his grudge against other people. "Does it matter? Would anything be different?"

He took a deep breath, looking away from her.

"I explained everything there, does it change anything now?"

"I asked you a question," He shouted angrily, taking a step towards her. "Why didn't _I_ read this?"

"Don't yell at me." She shouted back and her bottom lip throbbed as the wound slightly reopened with movement. "I wrote that letter and I wanted it to give it to you. I accidentally left it in your bedroom after, after we…" She couldn't help blush creeping up her cheeks as she remembered the night she lost her virginity to him. The passion, the love, the sense of safety. As if she was on seven heaven.

"Your mom found it and read it," She quickly finished. ''That's it.''

Chuck merely closed his eyes and shook his head, "You've ruined us."

Somehow, his words stung her. His resigned voice was like a slap. He was admitting the defeat? He was admitting whatever they had was over? Was he giving up on whatever they had?

''You've killed us the night you tried to blackmail me into having sex with you.'' She fired back, ignoring the growing lump in her throat. Her heart was ripping to shreds as she took his palm and with great mental effort, placed the ruby ring in his hand, folding his palm over it, giving it up for good. Giving up the symbol of his love.

* * *

''Are you serious?'' Dan jumped up as she went back the apartment. Blair froze and even Jessica looked panicked. She was supposed to be asleep in her bed and now she was caught sneaking back in. The iron fist of domination tightened around her neck. ''Where the fuck were you? Do you see the time?''

''Did you check it?'' Jessica blurted out, surprising everyone. ''Did you see if everything is okay?''

''What are you talking about?'' Dan sharply cut, eyes narrowed at his future wife. Blair warily watched his fiancée, she was obviously lying, but for what reason?

''Oh, Dan,'' Jessica cooed, eyes wide open if fake fright. ''You know I'm not used to living here. I thought someone was spying outside our window so I asked her to go check out. Everything okay?''

Blair nodded, training her face to remain impassive, but secretly wondering why was she covering up for her? They were supposed to hate each other. Dan scrutinised her with knotted eyebrows.

''Okay then'' Jessica winked. ''Good night, B.''

Blair seized this opportunity and went to bed, her heart still hammering in her chest.

* * *

''Oh, don't give me that look'' Evelyn airily noted as she breezed into his apartment. ''If you answered your phone for once, I wouldn't have come.''

Chuck rolled his eyes, putting on his navy blazer. Last time mother came for a visit, courtesy of Nate Archibald - damn he really needed to find some new friends - was the time she had brought the letter.

_You need to give her up_, she had said to him and walked away.

And now she was back, eying the sticky floor with a deep frown. ''My son, this place is utter mess. How about hiring a maid?''

''Because that worked out so the last time,'' He murmured dryly, thinking of Blair's mother. ''I'm going out.''

''Have a nice day.'' She gently called out after him, not perturbed by his rude coldness and short replies. At least he was talking to her. Evelyn waited until Chuck left, then she proceeded to take off her Jimmy Choo heels and elegant wool coat. ''I guess I'll have to take care of this mess myself. What on the Earth _is_ this stain?''

Evelyn daintily picked up the used glasses from the table and placed them in the dishwasher. She took the dirty shirts carelessly thrown on the kitchen chairs and went to his bedroom to put it in hamper. Her eyes spotted the letter, sitting atop messy bed sheets.

The cursed letter that had stolen her son away. A weapon of his pain. Why did he keep it? She hastily took it and went to throw it away, but on the bottom of the trashcan, among couple of small pieces of crumpled notes was a ruby ring. A custom made ruby ring that was a worthy rival of any diamond. With trembling fingers, Evelyn put away the letter and picked up the expensive glorious jewelery piece. She called up Cartier and made an appointment.

Chuck obviously didn't want this ring, but the trash was last place where it belonged. It was an insult to her friends at Cartier. Evelyn would do the right thing and return it, finally getting rid of every reminder that he was ever involved with that girl.

* * *

**A/N:** Thaaaaaaaank you for all the amazing reviews, you guys are so good to me *wipes a tear* The response is overwhelming! Like WOW what did I ever do to deserve this?! To deserve you?! *blows you a kiss*

Ok enough being a drama queen, so. The angst is soon over, fear not my friends. End of the storm is upon us, you won't have to suffer anymore. The secret is out, everyone freakin' knows it, but the emotions are far from settling down. A key word of the next chapter: Ring.

Discuss. What do you think will happen when Evelyn returns it? Hehe wink wink

I just wanted to let you know if you ever want to get a snippet of my life (i'm kind of hilarious), I'll leave my snapchat (agile-beast505) and instagram(tresgrotesque) here for you. Some have asked so if you wanna get in touch or something. Ok thats enough awkwardness from me.

Btw I don't know when I'll be able to update again. I did this behind my own back and my textbooks are currently glaring at me. Last exam is in 15 days so maybe after that. Toodles. *slithers away*


	33. Oh My Stars

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**Oh My Stars**

_If I am lost, find me, but do not ask me to come back just yet._

_Sit with me in this lost place and maybe you will understand why I come here too often._

_Find me, but bring me back when I am ready._

_Maybe you will get to know me a little better._

_Maybe we can get lost together._

"Strangely enough, your late husband has no written will," the lawyer gravely announced, peering over a stack of papers clasped by his sweaty hands. "His death was premature, surely, but great men always have black on white - to protect their families, of course."

Great_ men._

They never referred to _women_ as great. Women were always either beautiful or witty.

Never great.

Diana Sparks, clad in her finest black sheath dress, so everyone could see she was in mourning, crossed her waxed legs - a subtle sign of discomfort. Family. What family? There was never any family. Just usual pretenses and strict business. She had the looks, George had the money. The perfect match, the perfect marriage, all to get her right where she wanted to be. ''And what does that mean for me?"

"We'll take care of the standard procedure," the lawyer put the papers down, pushing his glasses up his wide shiny nose. His watery eyes stared dully at the woman, sensing no impatience from her part - or at least not caring to. "25% of legal assets will go to you, and the remaining 75% belongs to miss Georgina Sparks. Miss Sparks will also inherit management of the hotel."

At the unwelcome news, the woman uncrossed her legs, her nearly perfect facade disintegrating with rising panic in voice. All of the hard work she put into that marriage, it would not all be for nothing. The Millennium would be hers. ''Georgina is not even twenty. It's preposterous; she simply can't take care of a hotel.''

''From a legal standpoint,'' the lawyer went on with same monotony, not paying attention to Diana's rushed words. ''Everything goes to miss Sparks. Her signature and chair are the crown jewels of the board now.''

Somewhere outside the walls of the modern, spacious office, a phone rang. The sound was muffled behind thick mahogany doors, reverberating through the hall outside, while the black clothed woman mulled things over. She was no longer a wife, no longer a stepmother - Diana Sparks was finally someone who had power within her grasp. A woman who didn't have to rely on another's wealth, and one insipid, foolish little girl would not stop her now.

''Now listen,'' she purred with skillful intention, as she leaned across the desk, fully aware her cleavage was on full display. ''I feel horrible for discussing this while still in mourning, however, I have a daughter to think of. We need to do what's best for her.''

It took all but a whip of her perfume and a sly, sultry glance between lashes for the man to take the bait. His watery blue eyes flickered from the skin under her collarbone up to her enticing green eyes, surrounded with thick black mascara, barely listening to what the lips were saying. "I - yes-"

''To be quite honest with you, Georgina is a troubled child,'' Diana pressed on, pushing her forearms together. ''She has a history of mental issues. It just wouldn't be fair to burden her with so many responsibilities.''

At those words, lawyer's head snapped up and his eyes squinted in focus. ''That sounds serious. In that case, she'll either have to transfer power to you, or you'll have to document her situation and request to be her guardian.''

Satisfied, Diana leaned back and crossed her legs again. ''I don't think the use of force will be necessary. Georgina will come to the realization that it's all for her good-being if I take care things. After all, I do have a family to take care of.''

* * *

''I'm still angry with you,'' Blair looked down at him, arms crossed over her chest. Ed looked handsome as ever dressed in a black vest and dark pea coat, but autumn wasn't his season. He looked carved for summer's heat and salty waves. The city's rusty leaves and wet streets looked strange around him, like a shirt that hung too loosely on his shoulders.

His eyes brightened slightly as he looked up, Ed carefully folded the newspapers he'd been reading. ''I beg to differ, I think I may actually be the only person you aren't angry with."

The calmness of his demeanor still ruled the atmosphere, monopolizing the air. No matter how hard she tried to keep up the tension, it easily dissipated with him. He had always been her friend, always someone by her side - without judging her words, actions or thoughts. Always someone to comfort and offer a consultation. It was that he tried to pay the debt, tried to actively involve himself in the hell that she created a long time ago, it shocked her and made her furious. It was something Blair wanted to prevent at any cost.

He was better than them. He was better than this.

After the inviting motion of his tanned hand, she was secretly glad to sit down at his table and pursed her lips together. "You weren't being fair. The stunt you pulled was-"

''The stunt?'' he interrupted, clearly offended. Ed pushed away the cup of already cold coffee and leaned on the table towards her. "Is that what you call it? A stunt? Blair, I just wanted to help you. I saw a problem and I knew I could easily take care of it."

''You don't suppose it's that simple?''

''Alright, I admit; I didn't consider how you would feel about it at the time'' he sighed, his eyebrows knotted in a contemplative gloom. ''Or Chuck. Did he get angry about it? Did he cross the line? How many times has he done that before?''

Their conversations lately always seem to end on the topic of Chuck. For some reason, Ed always went after him, bringing him up regularly, if only to shed a bad light on his name leaving Blair with the strong urge to defend her ex-boyfriend. It was a cursed circle. They were right around the corner of Constance Uni, and the air was laced with the smell of cinnamon and freshly baked bagels.

She hadn't seen Chuck today. However, word around the school was that he had been suspended.

He had crossed the line, for sure. He had crossed it while fighting Anthony like a reckless fool. He had crossed it - for her. She was well aware of that fact. The thought of him protecting her made her brain gooey, and her stomach feel like mush. A sense of hope felt good, however unwelcome. She pushed the feeling away, embarrassed by the wave of glee that flooded her when she thought of him still caring for her.

He couldn't. It was unthinkable. Chuck was just protecting his reputation.

But the itch in the base of her spine told her otherwise.

She looked away, eyes fixed on the people outside the café. It was the period between classes, and as such the street was brimming with her fellow students. The few that noticed her sniggered and laughed. Her lies were all still there, waiting in ambush, ready to remind her she was nothing but a joke. She exhaled heavily and hastily got up, ready to flee.

''They know?'' Ed's cool voice startled her, his eyes boring into a handful of girls that had stopped outside, giggling and gossiping as they pointed Blair out.

''Yes.'' his observation didn't surprise her.

''I grew up with that kind of people,'' his sky blue eyes were distant, as he watched them. ''I know how horrible they can be. Don't let their cruelty sway you. They're just bored.''

''I don't care that they're laughing at me,'' she fingered the end of the chair, gliding her fingers over the smooth surface and trailing patterns. ''But this is the first time I've felt so lonely.''

Not because Penelope had left for London. Not because all of her so-called 'friends' abandoned her the moment they found out she was poor. It was the acute sense of the loss of a lover. Of a best friend.

An acute sense of loss of Chuck. He'd been avoiding her, keeping his distance, holding back whatever he felt inside.

She knew he was lonely too. She could see it in his slumped shoulders. It was in the perpetual cloud over his brows, in his silence and in the slightest pout of lips. It was in watching her behind tinted windows of the limo before class just when he thought she wasn't looking. It was in the Saturday nights at home alone, Chinese delivery, and a silent apartment.

Ed looked at her with a perplexed expression, but she didn't notice it. Blair bid him a goodbye, hailing a cab from the side of the road, she knew there was only one place to go to.

* * *

It took some time for him to open the door after the bell rang. The urge to turn and flee was compelling, lingering at the back of her mind, but it dispersed the second the doors opened. One look at him made her forget why was she even there in the first place, but Blair was certain she didn't want to be anywhere else. His shadowed eyes trailed her face, stopping at the small wound on her lip. It had almost healed. She didn't try to hide it from him this time. Somehow, his gaze felt like a balm over burned skin.

Nobody cared to ask her about the split lip. Nobody else had even noticed.

''May I come in?'' she asked softly, as they stared at each other through the doorway. She anxiously clutched the ends of her sweater, fearing he would turn her away.

Instead, after a few moments of silence, he let her in with the slightest nod of his head. She wordlessly followed him through to the living room, inhaling his cologne that tangled with slight vanilla scent, eying his broad shoulders with a foreboding sense in her chest. She had returned the ring, yet she couldn't let him go. Blair grappled for any pathetic excuse to be near him.

''Would you like something to drink?'' he murmured, heading for the liquor cabinet without waiting for an answer as if he wanted to get away from her. She paused by the couch, surprised by the sudden hospitality and made fidgety by the latter thought.

The apartment looked cleaner than last time as if someone finally put in the effort to clean it. Perhaps he had hired a maid? The suite was neat, and the blinds were drawn open, casting the entire place in late afternoon shadow. She watched him bustle around the cabinet, hands expertly fiddling with glasses, his back still turned to her.

Somehow, this bothered Blair. She wanted to see his face, to watch the muscles of his cheeks contract and expand, lines of his forehead crease and smooth out.

She wanted him to come closer.

''No thanks.'' her delayed reply came and Chuck froze, losing the excuse to busy himself. With hesitation, he placed the two crystal glasses down and carefully turned to face her. Their eyes met for a moment and she shivered as his gaze quickly averted. His expression was guarded as it slid over the walls, the furniture, the ceiling, anywhere but back at her.

There was a nervousness in the shift of his shoulders. An air of insecurity hung about them. Uncertainty.

''I'm sorry you got suspended.'' Blair finally blurted out, taking a tentative step towards him.

His eyes snapped up in surprise, she fought everything to keep her composure, nervously rubbing her palms together for courage.

''It happens.'' Chuck stated, a touch confused, his voice mellow as butter and he shrugged, locking gazes with her.

''Anthony is a complete moron,'' she went on bravely, taking another step that brought her closer to him. Blair saw his body tense and she inhaled deeply, closing in on the distance until they were a mere couple of inches apart. ''He'd do everything to set you off.''

Chuck said nothing, but her eyes zeroed in on the way his fingers grasped tightly at the edge of the table, knuckles turning white. Blair's heart hammered as she held his gaze, his penetrating, wild onyx eyes and the distance between them disappeared with a last short stride as if it were never even there. Some invisible barrier between them shattered, the ice melted off and suddenly - there was nothing but air between them.

His breath fell short, coming out in barely audible pants and nothing else mattered. The feeling in her chest peaked, the orchestra of anxiety and trepidation, followed by relentless heartbeats. She savored the way his body pushed itself off the table towards her, as if they were two sides of the magnet, meeting her halfway to whatever they were now, whatever place of fallen grace they stood in.

She loved him, god how she loved him. She loved the way he walked, the way he talked, the unsteady rising and falling of his chest - every little thing. They had spent months apart, yet somehow still together and Blair wasn't ready to let him go.

''Chuck, I -'' And just as she opened her mouth to release the words that would change the rotation of the Earth, words that had the power to describe the dark side of the moon - the doorbell rang.

Neither of them backed away and the bell rang again, announcing an impatient visitor. Then there came a series of forceful knocks. His gaze didn't divert from her this time, but she felt the curtain being drawn closed again. Blair swiftly looked away. ''You should check the doors.''

She didn't gauge his reaction, but it took several moments for him to detach himself from the spot and walk away.

''It's my mother'' he murmured, peeping through the spy hole, a deep crease settling between eyebrows. He made no move to let her in and his eyes flicked over to Blair as if they were partners in crime and they just committed an unforgivable felony. A sense of togetherness overwhelmed both of them, an indescribable feeling of sharing something secret, something dark and private that belonged only to them.

''Chuck, my son, open the doors,'' Evelyn's velvety frantic voice said on the other side. ''I spoke to Arthur downstairs, I know you're in there.''

''I don't want her to see me.'' Blair stated decidedly, knowing there was no avoiding his mother. Her visit was obviously something urgent and she didn't want Chuck to get in trouble on her account - yet again. She didn't want to damage their relationship further. Blair subconsciously took hold of his hand, seeking aid. Evelyn was clear in her opinion of Blair and finding her here would do no good to anyone. It would be unnecessary mess and confrontation was a sour thought.

His eyes sharply cut into the link that connected them, the metaphysical spot where his warmth emitted from ends of his fingertips to her body. Immediately, realization dawned on her and she felt like a simpleton for trespassing forbidden grounds that once welcomed her with caresses. How easy was it to get carried away by his soft look and silken words. Just as she was about to pull back and shy away - Blair felt a light pressure on her fingers.

It wasn't a simple gesture of reassurance. It was a signal of a new era.

Chuck didn't retreat. He didn't recoil from her touch, but their minds were one.

''Go to my bedroom,'' he ordered as her body turned into a ground for an amusement park; there were dozens of roller-coasters sliding circularly through her head, dipping down to her guts and going up the heart for grand finale. A surge of electricity sparked the nerves of her body, spreading through their endings all the way up to goosebumps. For a second, she felt light headed.

Blair barely heard him when he said, ''I'll tell her to leave.''

Her senses could hardly register the meaning of those words, the obvious preference of her company, raw selfish craving for her presence - like a prayer being answered, but the answer went unheard.

Her heart raced wildly as she did what he said, adrenaline pumping through veins. Back leaned on the cold wall, she exhaled shakily. Blair lifted up the hand that Chuck touched and she pressed it against her flushed cheek. How could one single person have this effect on her, even after everything that had happened?

What illogical superb magic powers ruled the universe?

"Charles, let me in.''

"Mother-" she heard him say firmly, detecting only a tinge of awkwardness underneath.

''Charles!'' There was the sound of doors being forced open and loud heels in the hall. "I just found out and this time, you won't be able to resent me keeping secrets from you. This time, you'll be let known immediately."

"Let known what?" The tone of his voice changed, Blair sensed the flicker of the doubt in it. Trepidation in her chest increased at an alarming rate.

"_This_" There was the sound of a zipper being opened. "This is fake."

"Where did you get that?" Chuck sounded positively bothered, his voice strangely strained.

"I found it while I was cleaning your room. I went to Cartier to return this precious ruby ring, but I couldn't. I have a surprise for you; Charles, you've been lied to. This ring is fake."

It took but a second for the world to come crashing down on her head. Wheels in motion stopped and fell down in an ashen pile, every progress negated and disappeared into a vortex of irretrievable darkness.

"Fake?" Blair whispered at first, but then cried out loud, ready to prove them wrong. "It can't be fake!"

Evelyn's dark eyes widened in mortification as she beheld her treacherous figure in the hall, like an unwelcome shadow persisting to exist in the light. Blair didn't care that Chuck's mother stared at her murderously. All she could see was the drained colour of his face, as pale as January sky. He avoided meeting her eyes and it chilled her to the bones. That feeling of intimate unity was replaced with disbelief and temper.

"_You,_" Evelyn spat, coming to her senses. The woman seemed to be trembling with unspeakable anger. "What are you doing here?!"

"Mother," Chuck said forcefully, taking a step to stand between them.

"You dared to throw a fake ring in my son's face?!" She barked, furiously throwing the ring at her feet, supposing what anyone would suppose; that Blair had sold the real ring only to return the fake one, hoping to earn the Chuck's favour with the grand gesture. The lying predator had sneaked right back into their lives.

"Chuck," Blair inhaled deeply, forcing herself to calm, while her heart hammered painfully. "You have to believe me-"

"Why should I?" A vein in his neck pulsed as he continued to hold his mother back, intently staring at anything to but her as if a single look at her pleading face would destroy him. The ice between them built up again. "Just go."

And with those few cold words, Blair knew the battle was lost. There was no point in pressing the matter any further, it was clear from the look on his face he wouldn't believe her, and Blair had no evidence to prove him wrong. This battle was lost, and the war had yet to be won. Wordlessly, she passed by them, her own sense of anger and betrayal boiling like a magma under a thick layer of rocks and dirt.

Chuck wasn't the only person played that day.

* * *

"Mom," she called out as soon as she arrived home. Jessica's head snapped up at the sudden entrance, fashion magazine falling into her lap. "Mom!"

"Quit shouting," Dan's insufferable fiancé drawled, massaging her temples in an overly dramatic fashion. "You're giving me a headache."

"Mom!" Blair desperately shouted, checking though most of the rooms. They were empty.

"Honey," Jane said, closing the bathroom door, still shaking her hands dry. "What's happened?"

"Where did you really find my ring?" Her voice cracked, her throat strained with effort.

"I'll leave," Jessica rose, grabbing her fake Prada purse from the coffee table. "It looks like you two might need some privacy."

"Sweetheart, what are you saying?" Jane shook her head in confusion. "Has the ring been found?"

Blair stared at her own mother in disbelief, remembering all too well Jessica giving her the ring, saying Jane found it under the bed.

She grit her teeth before pulling Jessica by the elbow back in the apartment. "You are staying right here! Explain this!"

''You're hurting me!'' Jessica wailed, arching in pain, struggling to set herself free.

''Good!'' she spat, wrenching her harder, ignoring Jane's wide panicked eyes. "Where's my ring, Jessica?!" Blair demanded, digging nails into her skin. "I'm not going to play games with you! What happened to my ring?"

''I thought it was the same one'' she cried out innocently, but her eyes flashed like lightning, leading a silent rebellion. ''I lost your ring! So I went out and got the another one. In Claire's - like you told me!''

''Blair,'' her mom tried to separate them, worried that Bob or Dan might come in and lash out. ''If the girl says-''

''She's lying!''

''Blair'' she scolded more harshly, dragging her breathless daughter away. ''Let her go! It's just a simple ring.''

Jessica looked at Blair with spite, silently daring her to contradict her mom, and in that moment she revealed the truth through a single look - Jessica knew the real ring was nothing that could be so bought easily. She knew the ring was something real and expensive. How had she come to that realization, Blair didn't know.

''This isn't over yet'' Blair grit through teeth, shoving Jessica away from herself, and did the only thing that could be done in this situation for now. She let the bitch go.

* * *

Chuck stared at the glass of scotch. It was the same glass the bartender filled him an hour ago. The strong alcohol odor had weakened, but still faintly lingered in the scented air of Tropic. The ice cubes had melted, disappearing into the amber liquid. The elixir held no attraction anymore. He had planned to stay here until night fell, until crowd filled the forlorn space and helped him remind what was he like before. Before Blair. Before she turned his world upside down.

Today, he was ready to forget everything. He paid the price in an instant.

Hope bred misery, and Chuck had just been reminded of that damned fact.

''Mr. Bass,'' the bouncer came up to him, not daring to touch the great Heir, keeping his respectful distance. ''Someone is here to see you.''

''I told you I didn't wish to be disturbed'' he drawled, fingering the edge of the glass idly.

''Sir,'' bouncer persisted, his apologetic expression looking ridiculous on his scary stout frame. ''I believe you wish to see him. It's Mr. Morelli, the gentlemen who came pay off the car debt last time.''

Chuck stiffened, his finger freezing in midair.

_Morelli._

A name he couldn't fathom hear, let alone utter. A name that haunted him in sleep, a name that clouded everything in it's wake. The name of Blair's boyfriend. The name of someone that he never spoken a word to, but already decidedly hated. A phantom apparition taking it's shape and form.

Finally, the hour struck to face the one person that replaced him so easily. Time to face a man who occupied so much of Blair's time, and got to listen to her thoughts, her words, got to watch her laugh and smile.

The man that stood between him and her. A man that wished to remove the only loose tie that connected Chuck to Blair - the debt. Because once the debt was paid, Blair would have no reason to stay close to Chuck.

And the thought of it made him peculiarly queasy.

He shot up from the table and went out in the lobby with long fast strides, rolling his shoulders and fixing the bow-tie. The bouncer followed behind, but it took only a flick of the wrist and he stayed put, like an obedient dog.

''Captain,'' Chuck spat menacingly at the sight of Morelli. Feeling of hate spread through him like a plague, an indescribably heavy emotion that made him want to punch the guy's smug face. What had he coerced Blair into doing to earn her the favour of him returning the debt? What had he made her do? The thought made him sick. ''What do you want?''

Edward Morelli seized his opponent in a single look, the strong negative emotion mirroring in his soul too.

He saw Chuck as all that was wrong with the world, a spoiled Upper East Side boy who had too much time and money on his hands, who took sadistic pleasure in torturing Blair out of boredom. Two men spoke for the first time and there was a silent agreement that they loathed each other. Tension crackled between them and their nostrils flared, like bulls preparing to ram their horns through a red curtain.

''I came here to tell you the truth'' Edward stood tall, his blue eyes electrifying. ''Blair didn't know I came here to pay off her debt. Whatever you did to her because of that - however, you think you punished her - it was wrong. She was unaware of my intentions. ''

Chuck clenched his jaw. He remembered the girls he brought home to spite her, the way he lashed out on her family, all the horrible words he said to her - only to make her hurt as much as he was hurting inside. There was a wound somewhere in the right side of his chest and it bled profusely. ''How do you know what I did?''

Had she told him? Did this man, this smug bastard know their history, their good and bad moments? Had Blair told him all of her secrets while their heads lay next to each other on pillows, hair tangled together as the boat swayed on waves? Had she abandoned Chuck for him, for someone with money and looks? Were they all the same to her? Was Chuck like any other rich guy to her? The thought sent him into a silent raging fit.

''I don't know precisely what you've done.'' Morelli replied snidely, looking down at him. ''But I do know it's wrong.

''How about you quit beating around the bush?'' Chuck took a threatening step, his chest puffed out. ''Tell me what's your problem so we can take care of it, right now.''

''She's not part of your life anymore'' his nemesis stated fiercely, fists curled at sides. Blue eyes flashed lightning, provoking a fight. His words rang authority, claiming Blair with a mere tone of his voice. ''You should just let Blair go, walk out of her life.''

The thought of Blair no longer being part of his life made something in Chuck snap. His calculated cool broke and he quickly closed the distance between them, taking a fistful of Morelli's collar. The tension crescendoed to full on scuffle, the testosterone levels rising well over the limit.

''You talk too much,'' he spat through gritted teeth, ready to bleed and draw blood. He was pissed off and knew the fury within him was wrong, he should had no reason to care, Blair betrayed him, replaced him easily. He knew, yet he still clutched the collar, letting his emotions finally take control.

Morelli shook him off but didn't pursue the brawl any further. He straightened lapels of his coat with single dismayed, ''I'll be seeing you around.'' The man left the club with pursed tight lips.

Chuck didn't even have time to recollect when his phone rang.

''Mister Bass,'' a faintly familiar male voice said on the other line. ''This is Barnaby Jules, calling in from Cartier. The ruby ring that you bought from our store, the one that Evelyn wanted to return, has reappeared.

It is currently at Turtle Bay jewelery store, someone is trying to sell it.''

He didn't have time to catch a breather. An invisible hand tightened around his heart as he tried to inhale. It felt like the air was filled with water. His Mother had warned him about this. Even Bart tried to prepare him, though it had been with offhand insults. And he had always been blocking them out, a part of him grappling for the flicker of doubt, refusing to believe Blair was a money-grabbing monster everyone believed her to be.

A deep part of him, a part which nobody had access to, had always rejected the idea of Blair's betrayal, toying with his emotions and pulling him to her like waves to the shore. It didn't put her on a pedestal, but she was proclaimed innocent of every crime he accused her of. And now, that part of him had fallen into a deathly silence. With evidence in hand, there would be no room for doubt. What excuse could he give her now?

The culprit, the predator would be caught in action and Chuck knew the part of him would as a result.

Because when his eyes see Blair trying to sell the ring, a token of his love for her, there would be no part of him still believing he was anything worth loving. It would be proof that Chuck Bass was never and never will be anything but Heir, a walking bag of money. His dreams of loving someone and being loved in return would shatter. Everything would be a lie; his emotions, their memories, their supposed love.

''Text me the address,'' he whispered, gulping heavily. ''Have Bl- have the person detained. I'll be there as soon as possible.''

''Of course, Sir.''

Half an hour later, he was sitting in a parked limo, his knee nervously bouncing up and down. Jittery apprehension piled up into anticipation of something inevitable, into something that would potentially emotionally ruin him forever. Ruin them forever. Was he ready to let go of that lie? Was he ready to face her, to face the truth?

''Mr. Bass,'' Arthur worriedly glanced at his face in the rear-view mirror. ''Are you well?''

He had been in the stationary limo for ten minutes already. Chuck couldn't speak. He simply tightly nodded before opening the doors and stepping out on the busy street of Turtle Bay. It was late afternoon and the sun was setting behind buildings in the distance, casting his colour drained face in an orange glow. His feet crossed the small distance and warm air hit him as he entered the store.

A lean woman's figure hunched over the glass-case display, dazzling eyes admiring the sapphires and emeralds, rubies and opals. His stomach twisted into knots at the hungry way she caressed the glittering diamonds, spreading sick feeling up to his throat. A couple of store salesmen that called into Cartier were behind the counter, whispering among themselves. They finally spotted him and they broke apart, the familiar sign of submission in their postures.

Chuck only had eyes for the woman in the store. She hummed to herself in delight, still deluded by the lie salesmen told her. She tried on several different flashy rings, believing the salesmen were simply waiting for a man to come and bring the cash from the bank since the sum was so big.

But instead, Chuck came to snatch off the mask from Blair's face, to reveal the monster that hid underneath.

With trembling hands, he grabbed her by the shoulders and she turned around.

Only, it wasn't Blair.

And his heart marveled at the fact. He exhaled a long breath as if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. For a second, he wanted to jump from joy. But another second brought gloominess; partly from guilt for doubting Blair and partly for recognizing the culprit's face.

He knew she was Dan's fiancé. He had seen her with him. He had seen her sneaking around the building, trying to eavesdrop on his conversation with other people. He had seen her sneakily going through the mail of residents and sometimes even stealing a magazine or two.

''This is the lady that tried to sell your ring.'' A salesman came up, his expression triumphant and brave. Chuck didn't think there was anything triumphant in this.

''I -'' Jessica backed away from jewelery as if burned, her slanted eyes now filled with panic as she saw him. A flash of recognition alighted her expression. Her anxious gaze kept darting to doors. She looked like a trapped feral animal, clawing for an escape. ''I did it for the debt, I swear - Um - I'm Dan's future wife - I'm pregnant -'' her eyes alighted at the sudden thought. ''I did it for the baby!''

Chuck rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone as the woman pleaded for help, begging him not to call the police, shedding crocodile tears he had known too well. Countless women that he slept with in past often used it to get what they wanted - expensive gifts, fancy dinners, a day longer by his side. He ignored her wailing, dialing a number without consulting the handbook. ''Come to Turtle Bay now. I'll text you the address.''

There seemed to be a protest on the other end of the line and he hung up, but not before fiercely adding ''_Now_.''

As soon as she stepped into the flashy jewelery store, Blair knew what was going on. Her instinct had been right.

''You idiot'' she whispered in disbelief as dots connected in her head. She lunged after her with clawed hands. ''You inept moron! What have you done?!''

Chuck was already there by her side, pulling her back, pulling her away as Jessica wailed ''I did it for the baby! I did it to pay off the debt!''

Blair would have laughed at her blatant lies because Dan's fiancé was someone who didn't care about anyone but herself, materialistic as much as her poor idle life would let her be. But the girl took something priceless away from her, hid it for weeks as she suffered in silence and at the end wanted to sell the ring, lying to everyone about its whereabouts and assuredly meant to take the money for herself.

''You will report her to the police!'' Blair grit through her teeth, caged in his embrace. ''You will sue her!''

''Calm down,'' he whispered in her ear, but she could tell he was just as put off as she. Worst of all, he kept it all bottled up. ''Go in the limo.''

''But, Chuck-'' she wanted to protest, but one sharp glance from him and Blair found herself walking away, pulling Jessica by her elbow. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw salesmen pretending to be busy, pretending not to be drinking in the situation, as Chuck walked towards them, pulling a load of bills from his pocket, probably meant to buy their silence.

''Blair, I swear I did it for the baby!'' Jessica continued as they went out on the street. She shook herself off and raised her chin high. ''Look, you won't do well either if Bob and Dan find out how pricey that ring actually was.''

_You won't do well when they find out Chuck Bass got you a ring_, her eyes said.

''Are you threatening me?'' Blair snarled, raising a hand to strike the foul the creature, when someone grabbed her wrist.

''Calm down,'' Chuck's calm, collected voice repeated this time more firmly, lowering her hand down.

''You,'' he directed a glare towards Jessica. ''Stay put.''

And surprisingly enough, the girl did so, pulling her head back in shoulders. Sea of the bay turned from orange to dark blue, waves gaining speed and momentum. Chuck clenched his jaw and stared at the blue horizon in growing darkness, lost in thought.

''I'm sorry,'' he said after some time, his expression gloomy as if whatever he had to say took a vast physical effort to utter. The breaking of waves could be heard, the song of seagulls slowly dying out. ''I thought I'd find you in the store. I thought it would be you there.''

Blair whipped her head towards him, the familiar anger and resentment adding to the fury Jessica just caused. She couldn't help but feel insulted, sick and tired of fighting against a relentless current, against windmills that blew her away with each strike. ''What are you apologizing for?'' she snarkily replied. ''I used you to gain fame. I stole Georgina's life. I'm having an affair with Edward and to top it all off, I sold the ring. What now?''

''You never wore that ring'' he ran his fingers through hair in frustration, looking down on her, wanting her to see this in the same light he did. Because the fact that she had never worn the single item that was supposed to symbolist their love as if it meant nothing to her, bothering him to the point that he sometimes wished he had never bought the bloody ring. Perhaps then he wouldn't feel like all of his emotions were being taken for granted, used, abused and returned to him like discarded waste.

''I wanted to wait until I deserved to wear it,'' her voice was controlled, but she pushed her fingers further into the pockets, her hands trembling. Was it so wrong to not to want to flaunt the token of someone else's affection, not until she earned the privilege of being able to call herself his, truly his? Her lies prevented that from happening and now that they were out in the open, Chuck rejected her. The thought of his accusations made her bitter. ''I never did deserve it. And it appears I never will.''

Her gaze flicked back at the sea, unable to see his reaction, unable to stomach whether he found the idea satisfying.

''Is that so?'' a low growl rose from the back of his throat, Chuck took the ring out of the pocket. He twisted the ruby ring several times in his hand before he angrily flicked it out into the sea, throwing the precious gem into the dark, hungry waves.

''No!'' Jessica screamed in horror, pushing her way between them to lean over the bay rail, reaching for the lost ruby. The devastation on her face almost humorous, whereas Blair just stared in utter shock. Had he just thrown tens of thousands of dollars into the sea? Had he just thrown away something that was supposed to symbolize their love? ''The ring!''

Heart in her throat, Blair turned around to find him, but Chuck's limo was already gone.

''Great,'' Jessica muttered, furiously pulling a handbag over her shoulder. ''Just great! Look what you did!''

Blair stared at the culprit baffled, fingers itching to curl around her throat. ''Just wait until we get home, you'll be out on the street in a second.''

Dan's fiancé laughed, a loud belly laugh, with a menacing note to it. ''You think I don't know what's going around there? Mother and daughter setting a trap for young billionaire. Does Dan know what you're doing?'' her eyes slanted as she took a step closer, her strong perfume poisoning the salty air. ''Or would you like me to tell him?''

''Are you begging to be destroyed?'' Blair shot back, though her heart was hammering at the thought of Dan or Bob finding out she had any connections to Chuck. They wouldn't send her back to the village, they would kill her. And this insufferable girl was capable of doing that with a single sentence.

''You should be the one begging me. What if I told Dan what you're doing with that boy upstairs?''

''You stupid-''

''Listen to me!'' barked Jessica, gritting her teeth together. ''From now on, you won't open your mouth back at home. You'll be an obedient little puppy or I'll tell Dan everything! What do you think him and your dad will do to you when they find out that ring was real? ''

Blair stared at her in disgust and hatred, wondering what kind of a monster her brother had let into their home. She knew she was the one in danger here, she knew that eventually - she'd have to succumb. Or at least until she found the ammunition to fire back.

''There's reason to pretend anymore,'' Jessica went on, a sardonic smile on her face. ''We all know each other now. Let's drop the act, shall we?''

With that, her arch-nemesis winked and walked away, whistling to herself a merry tune and Blair couldn't help but feel like she'd been somehow tricked and cast into a wolf den.

* * *

It took Chuck only a couple of days to break his suspension and it was done in proper Bass fashion. It was the day after the Turtle Bay fiasco, the classroom was nearly full, students awaiting a professor to start a class. Blair studied the untouched Business Strategy textbook when someone burst into the room.

Her eyes locked with him. A chill that went down her spine couldn't be held back, there was something ardent in his gaze, a burning intensity that only she could feel, something that made hairs on her neck stand up. A fraction of the Chuck she once knew flashed before her eyes.

Her heart raced as she remembered when he threw away the ring, as he hurt her, as he made it obvious he didn't care about them anymore and left her alone with that she-wolf. For at least today, she wanted him to hurt too.

''Blair,'' he was almost breathless but glorious in a handsome grey suit and burgundy bow-tie, his hair neatly combed and parted. There was something sexy in the urgency of his husky voice, something attractive in the way his eyes demanded hers. It strangely felt like the old times. ''We need to talk.''

She snapped out of the pleasurable daze and looked around at her fellow students, all straining their ears and awaiting her reply. They thought this was a show. They thought this was something to be made fun of. She quickly gathered her things, ready to flee, not wanting to give them any satisfaction in it. This could wait until after classes.

''Blair,'' he hovered above her table, eyes pleading and urgent. ''_Please_.''

Chuck Bass never begged and part of her wondered what did he have to talk about?

Thought pushed aside, she quickly whispered, not wanting to make a scene; ''I don't want to talk.''

''Blair-''

''I said I don't want to talk!'' she burst out loud, hoping the anger in her voice would make him go away when doors of the classroom opened and new professor walked in. If the ceiling fell on their heads and bricks knocked them about, they couldn't suffer greater shock. It was as if some higher being pulled an ace out of the sleeve and left them with an unsolvable puzzle.

''Mr. Bass,'' Edward Morelli, holding a Business Strategy textbook, approached them with measured steps.

She stared at her ex- boss, dressed in serious business clothes so unlike his casual yacht outfit, trying to connect the dots, trying to make sense of it all.

He appeared serene, but Blair knew it was for the show. She recognized the way his electric blue eyes flashed lightning. ''I believe you're not a sophomore. Get out of my class, please.''

It took Chuck some time to break out of the shocked revelry. He glanced at Blair and back at him in perplexity. ''What the hell are you talking about?'' his voice was quiet but threatening enough.

''Chuck,'' she warned, squeezing his elbow, sensing the rising sinister waves in him. ''_Don't_. You've already been suspended.''

''Blair,'' Ed suddenly berated without looking at her. ''Stay out of this.''

Chuck looked between them with a confused expression, as if not believing his eyes, as if only waking up and finding himself in this situation - wondering how exactly had he come here? He shouldered past Ed and went out of the room, pulling fingers through hair and making it messy.

''Chuck!'' she couldn't go but after him, leaving the class and Ed behind, knowing Chuck would take this the wrong way. He already thought Ed was someone she was involved with, this scene would be cast in completely different kind of light than she wanted. The guys hated each other. '' I swear I didn't know about this.''

''And I don't know how I let this happen'' he roared, frustration visible on every line of his face. ''How is it that every time I try to start over with you, something happens. Every time I think I'm beginning to understand-'' his voice trembled and Chuck looked away, clenching jaw. ''Every time I try to get closer to you, something happens that pulls you away.''

Something rooted her to the spot, some invisible hand held her there as she stared at him, processing his words. Like sun that peaked at dawn, but decided to go back to hide behind the hills, leaving the land in the darkness of the night. Like a flame in the winter that burst out for a second and died out. That is how she felt.

She barely opened her mouth, but once again, he was already gone, leaving her alone to deal with.

Blair didn't have any choice but to go back to class. There were questions that needed to be asked and answers that had to be given. She got in in the middle of the introductory lesson and quietly sat down in the back row, murderously staring at Ed throughout the whole hour. Only when the lesson was complete, only when every student filed out of the room, did she get up from the chair and approach her new professor with short angry strides.

''Can we talk?'' she asked without beating around the bush, already fed up with the day and with everything that had happened so far.

''Of course" he nodded, gesturing her to sit opposite of him.

''Can we talk _honestly_?'' Blair said more firmly, deciding to stand on her feet.

This made Ed pause. He slowly put the papers back in the briefcase and met her demanding eyes, as if mentally preparing himself for the answer without ever hearing the question first.

''Why are you here?'' she insisted, palms pressed on the table.

It took him some time before he answered as if he was choosing a right thing to reply. ''Do you really want me to be honest?''

She could feel her stomach twisting into knots, that uncomfortable trepidation settling in her chest. Blair nodded and yet secretly knew, that whatever answer she was about to receive, would be something that will change the ways of the game. Something that would alter their friendship. Something that would change their lives. For good or for bad, nobody could tell.

''I'm here because of you.''

* * *

**A/N:** It's 1am, I just returned from 14h shift please kill me _now_. Sorry you had to wait this long, summer jobs can be ruthless mofos.

I want to give standing ovations to anon who took time to review every single day, and I mean **every freakin' day. **The dedication, the effort, the loyalty - it can't be put into words! I think we should all bow down to one person who secretly gave me strength to stay up this late and draft the chapter, who kept reminding me to finish it and finally, one for who this is posted for. I dedicate this to chapter _you_, my good anon :)

Let me know what you think! x


	34. Alone, Together

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**Alone, Together**

'_'Children are knives, my mother once said. _

_They don't mean to, but they cut. _

_And yet we cling to them, don't we, we clasp them until the blood flows.''_

''You need a support.'' he went on seemingly casually, but Edward's paramount calmness was evidently absent. ''And I needed something to occupy myself with. I've been reminded of all my academic achievements and degrees that sat in the bottom drawer, collecting dust. Now I'm here.''

Blair's brow clouded, remembering his stories of excellence and intellect supremacy during his university days, and the ultimate rebellion against his overbearing father - letting it all go to waste and sailing into the open ocean. Now, years after, he really was here; anchored down, doing what he swore never to do and settling down - why?

''You're being impulsive,'' she arched her eyebrow in defiance. ''You did this without actually thinking about it.''

His electric blue eyes raked her face, but lips were tugged into a slightly crooked smile. ''If you're absolutely sure about something, thinking is redundant. In fact, thinking may only serve to push it away.''

''Are you aware that what you're doing is only making my life more difficult?''

Just earlier, her ex-boss kicked her ex-boyfriend out of class, ruining every chance she had with him, ruining anything they managed to scrape together from what was left of their shaky relationship. Chuck couldn't stand him, he detected something with Morelli that made him reckless and destructive. The price of Edward's stay was too high and only served to complicate things further.

''Listen,'' Ed's voice simmered down to a shadow of his serenity forcing itself into the conversation, detecting her unease. ''If you really feel that way, I can abandon this in a second.''

''You didn't care how I felt about you coming here, and now, you're asking me to tell you if you should leave?'' she cockily observed, evading the question.

''Blair, I need a direct answer'' his eyes flashed, boring into her. ''Do you want me to stay or do you want me to leave?''

Silence befell them as Blair squirmed under his intense gaze, vaguely cognizant of what the question entailed. It was something more than work, more than a position in Constance University - it was an ultimatum. It was drawing a card from the deck, staring down at the opponent and waiting for their turn. Blair was aware of the strength of his support and appreciated it immensely. In reality, she didn't want to lose him. But if she told him to stay, would that statement come out in the same colors as her mind painted it? Would the meaning derail and deform, out in the open air?

''I couldn't get a single direct answer to my questions,'' Blair pushed herself off the table and straightened up, looking down at him. The risk wasn't to be taken. ''It's my turn to hold back a reply. Feel free to decide for yourself.''

* * *

''Are you crying?'' Blair felt her words scrap against her throat, wisps of forgotten dream still hanging in the daze at the corners of her mind. ''Mom, are you crying?''

She rubbed her eyes, lightly swaying as she lifted up her head, strands of chocolate curls pooling over her pale forehead. Moonlight entered through the low, yet wide murky window, falling over Jane's wet cheeks, illuminating the sunken face. The woman didn't hide from her daughter's worried gaze as she normally would, nor did she wipe the salty tears away and pretend everything was fine. The raw vulnerability was like a splash of cold water. The rest of the apartment sat eerily quiet, it must have been somewhere around midnight while everyone was asleep.

''You know what?'' Jane said instead, her voice thick, leaning her arm on the edge of Blair's single bed. The bed she had owned since she was 6, and rested her head on it. Wooden boards had worn out with time, the mattress stiff and creaky. Jane remembered when Blair was still a child, complained of wanting her own bed, tired and cranky of sleeping between parents. She wanted, no, _demanded_ her own bed, zealously pointing out how Dan got to sleep by himself on the couch in the living room. The small room was then used for storage.

Annoyed and irritated by his daughter incessant '_yappin_', as he would call it, Bob managed to find a single bed with a beautiful carving of flowers on the headboard. He had found it on the street, someone's cast out, and with the help of some fellow friends, they heaved it into their home, squeezing it in between two walls with scraped off paint. Later that afternoon, they made a family trip to Brooklyn and got an almost new mattress in one of the charity shops.

Jane remembered those days of new beginnings; fresh mornings and abundance of hope. Dreams and chance, waiting to be seized. She remembered them with bitter feelings and gloominess, aware the time had come to give up and surrender.

''When I first came to New York, I was scared to go back to the village. Back to the country. Now I'm afraid to stay in this city.''

Blair gulped heavily, a lump lodged in her throat, absolutely terrified by the direction of the current conversation. Mother's tears pulled her out of sleepy revelry in a record moment and she had enough wits to take a similar position as her mother, staring at her moonlit profile with trembling heart. A part of her knew what was coming, but the other part numbed the feelings down because they were too much to bear.

''We can't really blame this city,'' Jane sniffled, her eyes filled with pools and pools of forlorn sadness, regret, and bare misery. The false cover of bravado was off, and the extensive array emotions sat plainly in the open, exposed for only her daughter to see. ''We are only left with ourselves to blame. Your father's anger. My anger. Your hopes.''

The last sentence was uttered with peculiar heaviness, evoking a stifled scream in their chest, chilliness falling down the walls of the small, cold bedroom.

''Should I go back?''

''Go back where?'' Blair shivered and sat up in bed, frail aged covers falling down onto her lap.

''Back to the country,'' silently cried Jane, the floodgate of tears opened and flowing freely, her hands trembling as she hid her face beneath them. ''You can come with me.''

''No!'' Blair squeaked, overcome by the terror of leaving Manhattan. It would mean giving up scholarship which she so hardly fought for; fought against prejudiced system, fought against cold and hungry nights with book in hand, fought against father's constant disapproval of education. The thought of letting go of her career which she dreamed of in every lonesome minute of the day sent her into an anxiety fit. Constance University was best chance she got for life that she wanted to lead - a life no ordinary human could comprehend.

But most of all, a thought which frightened her the most, a thought that sealed her wish not to go with Jane and stay on this island, was the thought and the sheer terror of leaving Chuck. ''No, mom - If this is about the ring, I promise it's taken care of-''

''I can't do this anymore, Blair.'' Jane interrupted, shaking her head in desperation. There was a dark, sorrowful glint in her hooded eyes, it signified this was about something more than the chaos with Jessica. And with a heavy heart, Blair understood it. ''I can't stand this. The Doctor says this city is slowly killing me. I know I shouldn't leave you alone here, but I can't deal with this anymore, pumpkin. I can't. I'm sorry.''

Blair felt her heart stop, felt her soul crumble to pieces and eyes well with tears - but they never had time to fall. Daughter embraced the broken mother, for once reversing the roles and offering her own shoulder to cry on, knowing well she was the one that caused the tears. Knowing she was the one to fracture the main pillar of the family, to banish the only person that shed a light on their darkness, banish her from her own home with unreachable ambitions.

And ultimately, Blair knew she had to be the one to set her own mother free.

The morning was miserable, icy and windy, bare trees swayed in the relentless flurry of air, as if they knew the day had nothing pretty on about it. A middle-aged man, one of the neighbors, heaved up a modest suitcase. He shoved it into the trunk of the rusty '90 Toyota Corolla and slammed the doors, getting into the car with a huff and rubbing his palms to warm himself. Jane was already in, doleful smile on her face and tears in her eyes, gaze skimming over her husband, her children.

Blair couldn't tell if those tears held grief or relief.

She watched her mother's calloused hand wipe the mist of the window and wave to them. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jessica wave back enthusiastically. Blair had no strength to lift up her hand.

Something heavy kept pressing on her chest and she couldn't catch a breath. The engine started and it was like a trigger, painfully pushing something in her over the edge and she sharply inhaled, the first tear gliding down the porcelain cheek.

It was easy to be brave during night, comforted by mother's warmth and touch. It was easy to put on bravado while the darkness held the demons at bay. But the first crack of dawn brought on sullen grayness of the day and coldness was inevitable. It felt like someone ripped a vital part of her, leaving a gaping hole in bitter frost.

Mother left.

Her mind barely registered two arms of neighbors supporting her as her knees gave up, worried glances and questions of concern. All her eyes could see was her mother's face, growing smaller and smaller, only to quietly disappear in the background, taking everything good with her. Only then did she realize what she had one with her lies. Only then did she grasp the full effect of her mistakes. What an idiot she had been.

A broken cry struggled its way out of her throat and hot tears slid down her cheeks. She struggled out of the unfamiliar and cold touch, looking up to find some consolation, to find her brother and embrace him, but Dan looked lost, his eyes avoiding hers.

''I have to go to work.'' he muttered and turned around, walking away from the group with quick steps, leaving her alone. Something in Blair broke again at the sight. Neighbors dispersed, Father went back in the building to start another day of work, his back hunched.

They had all known she was leaving, yet Jane waited until last minute to let her daughter know. How long ago did mother decided to leave? How long had she held all the pain inside, until it completely tore her apart?

''What's the drama?'' Jessica sneered. ''She moved back to country, not to another continent.''

The question evoked another flood of tears because Jane might as well moved to the other end of the world, banished by her own child. Blair looked at her building, down at the small barred window of their flat. Somehow, the place scared her. She didn't want to in there, to the den of the wolves and snakes. It wasn't her home anymore.

''Don't worry, B. I can give you much better advice than your mother. We'll get that rich boy wrapped around your finger in no time.'' Jessica whispered with a winked, going back inside and whistling to herself happily.

Blair's knees wobbled as she entered the park on the other side of the street and sat down on a nearby bench. The park was desolate, the morning was unbearably frosty and most people sought warmth inside. She was so engrossed in misery, that she was completely unaware of the figure that silently watched the whole scene from the recluse corner, eventually following her as everyone left.

''Do you want to talk about it?'' A steady voice startled her and she looked up, only to find Chuck Bass looking down at her somberly. Wind had swept his hair to the side, his red scarf tucked into lapels of his coat. He carefully sat down without asking, his hands shoved in pockets.

Blair roughly wiped her tears, feeling her head grow hot and her heart grow cold. ''What would I talk to you about?'' she snapped, turning to glare at him, not caring that her nose was red and eyes puffy. ''You don't know me, I don't know you.''

''Just perfect.'' he muttered darkly, put off by the way she bit through his question.

''I'm currently not in the mood to listen to you, Chuck.'' her eyes blazed fire and she got up, putting some distance between them. She felt the fused current of emotions; love which she still so ardently felt for him - and disgust. Disgust at herself, disgust that she was willing to sacrifice everything to lead a life with him, to keep up with his friends, to please his family. She had sacrificed her own loved ones. He was just another reminder of her lies, of the life she had tried to live without any claim on it. ''I can't bear to listen to you.''

''Why did your mom leave?'' he quietly asked, eyebrows knotted up as he looked up at her shivering form. She blankly looked at him, feeling the unyielding pull to his presence, to his essence, to his being - a pull that didn't let her leave his side, something magnetic that held her here, on this island, close to him. She hated herself because she was too weak to leave him. Blair hated that she would rather be alone - alone with him - than go live with her mother.

''You honestly want to talk about my family problems?'' The sentence was meant to be sarcastic and merely a backhanded comment, but Chuck didn't avert his eyes from hers. He gazed at her with an unreadable, serious expression, silence filled with the sound of tree branches scraping and rustling against each other. There was something warm and familiar in the depths of his onyx colored eyes, a shade of the night, reminding her of mother's embrace.

''The person I hurt the most with my lies,'' she went on, desperately holding onto his gaze, seeking that warmth and shadow of the comfort she felt just hours ago, snuggled up in rickety little bed with Jane. ''Was my mother.''

She turned away from him as another tear fell and she sensed him rise, smelled his perfume as he got closer, but didn't touch her.

''She covered up for me,'' her voice trembled, but no tears fell, they stopped in silent terror. ''I pulled her in the lies when all she wanted to do was protect her only daughter. Can you imagine that? I destroyed my own mother. My poor, innocent mother. And you think you were the one who suffered the most.''

* * *

Week of suspension run out, it was time to go back to class. Chuck closed the doors of the administrative office behind him, slip with dean's signature in his hand approving his return to Constance Uni. He crushed the paper and shoved it in his pocket, wordlessly exchanging tight nods with Anthony.

The prick had approached him just earlier, apologizing profusely, begging for forgiveness. Embarrassing, really. Chuck was kind enough, he refrained himself from bashing Anthony's head and made him swear he'd never talk to Blair again. In fact, he made sure the asshole wouldn't breathe the same air as she did.

Despite yesterday's wired conversation, despite the fact that he felt like an utter idiot, wanting to offer her comfort yet not knowing how to, despite the fact that he left her alone in the park because he only seemed to make her cry harder - Chuck had still come today to look for Blair.

He would try again today and he would succeed. He would find the right words and try to make her feel better. Not make her feel good, he knew he was incapable of that - but just _better_ would have to do. He even practiced a small speech during breakfast, but kept reminding himself not to touch her, not to do anything to upset her further. His touch only seemed to rile her up. The ride to school was spent in silent contemplation and huffs, wondering what was the best way to approach her without startling her. He had to be careful - _gentle_.

Chuck could be gentle. He could be tender. He could be someone Blair needed. He could be the someone he needed when his parents split up. He could be someone he needed when Bart escaped to Japan and Evelyn took a trip to Bora Bora with her post-divorce rebound guy. He could be the someone he needed all those years he felt lonely and forgotten.

And in those painful memories of his own, Chuck Bass found the courage to approach her. But when he finally found Blair, she didn't seem upset. Contrary, she looked almost comforted.

There was a tanned hand on her shoulder. Controlled and smooth voice enveloped around them like a treacherous snake.

''I made her sick'' Blair sniffed, her eyes still red, but voice steady. Had she even stopped crying since yesterday? ''You know that.''

_You know that -_ the sentence implied the other person was familiar with the situation all too well. Unlike Chuck, who had no idea why Jane left, not until now at least.

''Your mother knew you'd get over this.'' Edward Morelli voiced all the thoughts Chuck was unable to, said all the words he wished to say, calmly stroked Blair's back and soothed her, doing everything Chuck craved to do. ''Otherwise, she'd never have left you.''

Chuck's guts churned and he stood frozen in place, watching them with silent agony, unable to look away. Why couldn't he say those things? Why couldn't he comfort her like that? What the hell was wrong with him? Instead, he walked away from her yesterday and left her alone, like an asshole that he was. He really was good for nothing.

''She believes in you.'' Every word was like a stab in his gut, a reminder of his failure, and he clenched his fists by his sides. ''Don't disappoint her now. Your mother is a strong woman and you're her daughter. Never forget that.''

Nothing could prepare him for small smile Blair gave to Morelli. It was a minuscule twitch of the muscles, an almost fleeting thing that could hardly be noticed - yet Chuck noticed it with every burning fiber of his body. He felt small and invisible. She hadn't bestowed him with one of her smiles in months. The thought was devastating, like a punch in the nose and feeling that nasty _crack_ of the broken bone.

He wanted to be the one she would come to. He wanted to be the one to listen to her problems. He wanted to be the one to comfort her. And she already had that someone else. Suddenly, his past seemed stupid and irrelevant, his pain laughable. Who was he compared to grand Edward Morelli; university professor whom all girl students drooled for, a yacht owner, a renegade Manhattan rich youth who drove motorbikes instead of limos and most certainly hid a tattoo or two?

''I'm glad you're here.'' wind carried Blair's soft, gentle words to him and he shivered, feeling himself on fire, but unable to put out the flames. The words he so begged to hear, uttered to someone else. Chuck took a staggering step back and disappeared back into the building, clutching his stomach, going away as he came - unnoticed and invisible.

* * *

It had been a week since Mother left, and not a day had passed that they didn't talk through the phone. The short, tight-throat conversation would be followed by pity party in her bedroom and a soggy pillowcase. Even Jessica, who took every advantage of Jane's absence to torture her further, knew not to bother her then.

''Waiting for your _Ed_?'' A lazy drawl pulled her out of revelry and she whipped her head around, only to meet the burning glare of Chuck Bass. Blair knew his suspension came to a halt last week. _Last week_. Anger bubbled inside of her, as it always did when he wordlessly passed by her in the halls.

She hoped he would come talk to her again after that day in the park. Blair knew she was clouded by her violent emotions and grief, but if he had come again, she wouldn't be so cross with them. They would talk calmly.

They could do that, couldn't they?

The first couple of days, she had nervously lingered by her locker between classes, secretly waiting to see if he would come. He did pass by. Her eyes would timidly seek for his, but Chuck's gaze would sweep over her as if she was one of those countless Yoga &amp; Meditation posters on the wall you see everywhere. Chuck seemed to go back to his old friends and completely ignore her. She had even seen him talking to Anthony like nothing ever happened. He hadn't even looked her way for days, let alone approach her. Something within her boiled, steamed at the thought.

''Yes.'' she answered, irritated that his first sentence spoken to her would be a jab at Edward. Blair had been sitting in Constance courtyard, waiting for her ex-boss to come out. He had promised her to help her out with Business Strategy notes after classes and possible projects in this semester. ''Yes, I'm waiting for Professor Morelli.''

''Don't call him that'' he snapped, upper lip curled. ''You're giving me a headache with your faux ceremony.''

Blair's nostrils flared in indignation. He was being hostile again. He, who had forsaken and abandoned her completely when she needed him the most only to go back to his previous life and now he dared to provoke her with Edward Morelli?

''I never called him by his name'' she stated coldly, rising up from the seat to look Chuck directly in the eye. ''And I won't change that just because you don't seem to like it.''

''Would you change anything if I wanted it? Please, crack another joke.'' he sardonically said, but his eyes were devoid of any humor. ''Don't you understand? That man is in here now, taking a permanent position in Constance. Who is he here for, huh?''

''Is that the topic of today?'' she hissed, well-aware they both knew Edward is here for her. Her gaze darted around, seizing students that slowly started to file out of the building. ''Is this how you want to talk about it?''

''You never wanted to talk before'' he retorted and leaned towards her, eyes flashing.

''Why should I?'' she arched her brow, daring him. ''Oh, now that we're here - why isn't our home being taken away? How is it that your men didn't come to kick us out? What are you waiting for?''

''Don't push me.'' he looked away from her, clenching his jaw. People started to throw curious glances at them, surprised to find them engaged in a conversation when broken power couple seemed to be leading silent, cold war.

''And why ever not?'' she pressed on relentlessly, all the anger that had been building within in her the past few days, coming to the brim. ''What else is going to happen? What are you going to do about it?''

''It's because of that night,'' Their gazes locked and Blair's breath couldn't help but to catch under the intensity. ''Right?''

Somehow, she managed to control her breathing. She knew which night Chuck was talking about. The stormy night that he proposed she slept with him to pay off the debt. She remembered the way rain fell hard against his windows, filling the dark bedroom with the steady thrumming of the downpour. Blair suppressed a shiver at the mixed emotions that overwhelmed her; a pleasing feeling that she shouldn't feel surged through her every time she thought of that night. A feeling that shouldn't be there, mingling with ire.

Flattery. _Pleasure_.

She would have given herself to him that night, if he hadn't been so cruel to bring debt into it.

''You disgust me.'' she turned away from him to go, secretly embarrassed by her private thoughts.

''I came here to talk to you last time'' he grabbed her by the elbow, spinning her around to face him. There was a look on Chuck's face that showed he was nowhere near done with her. ''And that man appeared out of nowhere. We couldn't talk, but now you'll listen to me and I'll be listening to you.''

''And why should I be doing that?'' she reverted, slightly put off by the determination he talked with. She snagged her arm back and brushed the hair away from her forehead in frustration. ''Because you suddenly feel like it? I'm tired, Chuck. I've been trying to explain myself to you for months and you didn't bother to hear me out. Not even once. Now it's my turn to refuse to listen.''

''You should have forced me to listen to you.'' he lashed out, eyes blazing with fire. His hand somehow found it's way to her waist, gripping it with fervor as he leaned down to further his point.

''Oh?'' she questioned sarcastically, oblivious to shrinking proximity between them, completely submerged in the heated argument, but aware of his hand, of his every finger and the thrilling feeling his touch aroused in the pit of her stomach. ''Before or after each time you kicked me out? You didn't believe a single word I said, what do you expect?''

By now, the courtyard was filled with students who all paused to get a snip of the conversation, eager to know what the scorned lovers discussed. With them came out Edward Morelli, searching around for his pupil, tightly grasping on to a Business Strategy textbook. Blair didn't notice any of those things.

''Do you trust me, Chuck?'' the voice was lowered to an anxious whisper, her eyes frantically searching his, world drowning out until there was nothing but onyx shade, warm color with spots of amber. And in that enchanting palette, there was a painful flicker of doubt. Her face was crestfallen as he looked away from her, unable to answer, confirming her fears.

''You don't'' she whispered sadly. He didn't trust her. He didn't believe her.

Wind picked up the pace, ruffling her hair and the sudden coldness in her bones had nothing to do with the weather. She detached his hand from her waist, her heart trembling with disappointment and bitterness.

''There's no point in me saying anything to you then.''

''You'll talk to me,'' he grit forcefully through his teeth, a sliver of panic in his voice, trapping her wrist and pulling her back towards him. ''And you'll hear me out in return.''

''What's wrong with you?'' she lashed out furiously after a shocked pause and tried to pull back her arm, but he wouldn't let her go. His hand was like an iron around her skin and Blair felt her heart expand with every second he held her close to him. Anytime now, it would explode and butterflies which she so fervently tried to stifle would come out bursting with the full force. ''_Talk, Blair! Listen, Blair! Go ahead and cry, Blair! I'll do whatever I want, Blair! _Well, do it! Do whatever the hell you want, you're used to it anyway. I don't care! I don't care anymore!''

There was a moment of pause, as there always is before these great moments, where trees still their leaves and people stop in motion. The shift of the tide is palpable, air crackling with electric sparks as two chipped parts mend in a single unique piece - perfect in their imperfection. The restless wind died only to give life to the broken beauty of the kiss.

Chuck crashed his mouth against hers, his lips burning as they imprinted on her. There was no subtle tingling, there was no feathery touch - there was fire and there was pandemonium, as there always is with them. The hungry collision filled her vision with fluttering of thousands of the golden wings before her eyes closed, willingly letting the warm onyx fill her world.

In that moment, Chuck sang a song only Blair could hear.

It was a song of love between a desert, ground heavily cracked with merciless drought, and a rain - indefinite amounts of crystal clear water, a source of the elixir, a purity that caused addiction - a lethal thing. And Blair kissed him back with everything sky gives to the ground and he took it just like the desert soaks up every single drop - ardently and with love.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry for such long wait, I hope it was worth of it :) I know this chapter is shorter than usual, but I figured I don't know when I'll be able update again so, what the hell. Work will be hectic until middle of September (as my extracurricular activities which all of you following me on snapchat are familiar with lol). I hope I'll pick up the pace once September comes (not with gin and sunbathing, but with writing).

I knooooooooooow I left you at cliffhanger, but I did so you wouldn't forget about this fic hehe

Let me know what you think in review, I missed you all x


	35. Familiar Stranger

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

**Familiar Stranger**

_''All we do is drive_

_All we do is think about the feelings that we hide_

_All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign''_

Blair stared up at the list in absolute shock and horror. She felt painful constrictions in her chest, a prelude not dissimilar to heart attack, as her eyes gazed at the bold letters next to her name.

**Chuck Bass.**

The deliberate, carefully picked order of the letters sent her insides into a whirlwind immediately. Like a threatening wave that rises and crashes madly on the shore, she felt the violent sensation reaching most further, sensitive spots of her being. Disoriented, she took a staggering step back as other students shoved each other aside to get a better look at the paired names.

Chuck freakin' Bass was to be her partner for the upcoming Business Strategy project. Chuck freakin' Bass, the guy that kissed her in front of the entire Constance population and then left like she was something toxic, as if her breath smelled bad, as if she kissed back like a hormonal 14-year-old boy that uses too much tongue.

And did Blair kiss back.

How could she not? Oh, what a kiss it was. Short, but heavenly. If only she had gotten over her shock sooner, if only she had kissed him back immediately. Oh, the sweet tremors that had passed through her body when their lips locked in a honeyed, rapturous motion. And then the crushing feeling that encompassed her after he pushed her away, when he flashed her a withering glare and stormed off.

Even the mere recollection of the event overwhelmed her with utter devastation, once again. It had only happened, but it may as well have been a few minutes ago. He hadn't shown up to class today.

''You've got to be kidding me.'' she muttered under her breath. Students around her skimmed the full list and she heard few snickers when they got to her name.

''The girl just doesn't give up," someone behind her in the crowd muttered. ''Poor Chuck.''

Adding to the ironic blow, on the bottom of the list was the signature. The name of the official person who had paired partners.

Professor Edward Morelli.

With clutched fists, she marched directly into his office without even bothering to knock.

''This better be one of your tasteless jokes!'' she fired the second she walked in, clicking door the door behind her in silent rage. The walls were decorated with new additions, shiny minimalistic frames hanging on the beige wallpaper - diplomas and achievements. Models of boats sat atop the mahogany desk and cabinets, giving a fresh nautical look to the once dull, stuffy room.

He looked up in surprise, though his eyes gained a strange glint upon perceiving her flushed face.

"It's not funny!" she nearly stomped her foot on the floor in frustration. ''How could you do this to me? Pairing me up with Chuck?!''

''Why ever not?'' his reply was ready, as though he had figured out her thoughts as soon as he saw her. He scratched the spot under his chin, right above the black turtleneck that fit him like a glove. ''You've worked together before. I saw your project from last year. Though unfinished, it was quite impressive. Now you have a chance to complete it. It will be easy. It'll be over before you know it.''

''But-'' she halted, suddenly overcome by visions of last year and MME project that was never accomplished.

Lies. Secrets. Burden of secrets. Grief. Rage caused by grief.

Chemistry swirled between them in the small management club room.

Touch of their knees.

Longing glances.

Could she go through it again?

''Are you thinking about the kiss?'' Ed said thickly, looking down at his boots. Outside, naked branches of green ash swayed on by the relentless breeze, scratching the glass.

He cleared his throat and peered at her over forgotten bundle of paper in his hands. ''Are you uncomfortable because I saw you or because of how you felt about it?''

''What kind of a question is that?'' she replied, shaking her head in confusion.

It was, in a way, embarrassing to know Edward had witnessed the utter humiliation of the kiss and furthermore, that he seemed awfully bothered by it. She could feel dreaded thoughts starting to creep in and demand attention, thoughts of the things she dared not think about. "Do you think I enjoyed that he abandoned me like a fool after what he did? After he forced himself on me?"

''You can't get over him,'' he pressed on, slowly digging up dirt from a hidden chest of emotions, reading her all-too-well. The notes were put down slowly, carefully. Edward saw through her pathetic lies and he turned to look at her with stormy blue eyes. ''Can you?''

''Why are you so stubborn in making things harder for me?'' she stammered, wishing to avoid the topic altogether. The topic of Edward and Chuck's rivalry over her heart. Because no longer was this a trivial friendship, and no longer could Blair pretend it was. It was turning into a conquest for something more. ''I don't want to talk about it.''

''I respect your feelings, Blair.'' Ed sighed, rising from his cognac leather office chair. He rubbed his scruffy chin before approaching Blair and flashing her a turbulent look that demanded attention, action and immediate result. ''But you should finally start acting the way you feel. Or start feeling the way you act.''

Blair was stupefied into silence by his bold conversation and the resolute way he tried to persuade her to confront her own demons.

''You're doing neither of those things,'' Morelli continued on sharply, taking advantage of her silence to urge on the matter. ''You're neither going towards him, nor are you turning your back on him. The path you're going down, or rather not going down, will lead you nowhere.''

''I wish I could go to him.'' she quietly replied after few moments, surprising herself with the words. Her eyes were pinned to oak boards on the floor, lost in thought. Her face was the picture of melancholy, a rare display of honest sentiment that radiated through her. Blair had always been used to covering up what she felt, putting on a brave face in order to conquer the merciless world. There was no other way, but with Morelli, she had always been safe. ''Why should I be lying to you? I really do wish I could run to him.''

''But I can't,'' she said clearly, fervently, lifting her head up and straightened her shoulders. ''Nor can he run to me.''

Because she had damaged him, twisted his goodness into something monstrous, made him be wary of someone like her. He had sinned, for her, because of her and against her. Those sins, their sins, the punishment that they inflicted on each other, the mistakes they made and the fear they consequently felt - it was all there, standing between them.

''You need to get over him.'' He spoke with finality, eyebrows knotted in helpless pity. "And it won't be pleasant.''

And that word that bore more meaning than the speaker could have ever imagined - the word _pleasant_ \- Blair lost her grip on reality. Presence dimmed in the background only for the young past to come swirling forth, bringing with it an ominous feeling. It was only this morning when she had a painful revelation, stuck in the vertigo of her building's lobby.

_''How's Georgina?'' Blair asked upon meeting Mrs. Sparks, feeling somewhat embarrassed by the fact she hadn't spoken to her ex-best friend, not even when her father died, not even when she had seemed to withdraw completely from the world around her. Though they were well past the point of reconciliation, Blair still thought of her sometimes, reminiscing about the past, back when they were simply still a children who got along together._

_When her neighbor didn't reply, but merely stared murderously at her, as if she said something crude or offensive, Blair cleared her throat uncomfortably. ''I know the situation is far from pleasant, but maybe-''_

_''You're the only reason I feel unpleasant.'' tight-lipped Diana growled, her voice savage._

_Blair went mute, affronted with such hostile attitude that had been simmering under the surface for god knows how long. She had noticed cold looks and the subtle roll of the eyes ever so often, but always assigned it to resentment that her step-daughter bore, a certain ill-will that she transferred to Diana. And for the first time in months, Blair had a thought that maybe Georgina had nothing to do with this._

_Perhaps Diana held a grudge against her that had nothing to do with Georgina._

_''Have I done something to you?'' she carefully asked, closely scrutinizing the face that so easily changed from white to red._

_''You're not even aware of the things you've put me through.''_

_''Look-'' Blair exhaled heavily, refusing to haggle with the neighbor whom she had, up until this summer, had a pretty decent relationship. Diana helped her pay off the $400 bill that she spent on those expensive shoes, she had helped her find a job and even offered her a ride here and there. Until summer came. Until... Until Blair started working for Morelli. And then it dawned on her._

_''You were the one that convinced Chuck I was sleeping around with Morelli?!'' she spat, throwing the good graces aside and embracing the fire that ignited within her heart. The problems this idiotic woman caused her! And why? Because of a stupid, jealous spat with her ex-lover? How pathetic. And she was supposed to be the grown-up here? ''How could you say something like that? How could you do that after your relationship with Edward?!''_

_As soon as those words were out, Diana's eyes appeared to widen unnaturally, her perfectly resting bitch-face turning into a contortion of rage. She lifted a perfectly manicured hand and slapped Blair's cheek hard, the slick sound of flesh against flesh reverberating in the empty lobby._

_''Don't you ever,'' she grit through her teeth, spitting loudly in the process, narrowing her eyes in deadly menace. ''Speak of such things out loud. Ever. Again.''_

_Blair held her burning cheek, too stunned to speak by the violent act from a seemingly calm and collected woman. She stared as Diana's Zanotti heels furiously clicked away across the room and out in the dawning day._

''Is that your decision to make?'' she snapped at Ed, irritated by being pushed around by everyone - from her neighbor to her family. Why do they think it was alright to tell Blair how to live her life, to order her around and subject her to their own pathetic fears and crippling doubts? She looked back at him with fire in her eyes, a silent threat. ''You're stirring trouble in my life - again.'

''Listen, Chuck Bass is your problem,'' he said, lifting his palm up in form of a surrender, detecting her flickering turmoil and the grave danger it could cause. ''And I want you to take care of your problem. Run to your feelings if you need to-''

''As if you'll solve your problems this way!'' she snarled, vexed by his patronizing charity.

The inferno in her glowed with a devilish blaze, forgetting that she was talking to a professor, a person that could easily get her in serious trouble for this kind of behavior. It may have been that she forgot, but in truth Blair just didn't give a fuck at the moment. Who was he to force resolutions on her? If she wanted to stall and keep Chuck in her life for a few days longer, she would do so and nobody would stop her, not even Morelli. ''You ran away too! Didn't you turn your back to Mrs. Sparks?! You think I don't know how she would wait for you in hotel lobby for hours, while you were upstairs in your room, pretending to be away?! You didn't even look back, not even once! That means that you didn't run towards your feelings either!''

Blair knew she was treading on dangerous ground; opening the topic of his broken affair with a married woman - well, currently a widow - but by this point, she honestly didn't care. If Edward thought he had the right to meddle with her love life, she would damn do the same.

With a loud huff, she turned around and slammed the doors shut behind her, using more than necessary force.

''Wrong.'' Edward whispered pensively after she left, his electric blue irises all of a sudden turning mellow. ''I'm heading straight towards my feelings.''

_Tomorrow_.

She had been watching him from a nearby corner, her hands shaking.

His brown leather oxford shoes were perfectly polished, firmly planted on the marble floor of the hallway. Tailored gray pinstripe suit that didn't have a single speck of a dust, a single wrinkle or a single loose end. Italian cut vest underneath that perfectly accentuated the pressed lavender shirt and the faintly purple bow which clung around his pale neck. Her breath accelerated as he swallowed, and she watched his Adam's apple bob up and down, taut muscles shifting.

She distinctly remembered the gentle touch of his silken sheets under her bare back. The subtle hint of perfume that lingered his bedroom. His warm, moist breath in the crook of her neck. The mesmerizing gleam of sweat on his forearms as he pushed himself deeper into her.

Her thighs clenched involuntarily.

Chuck was leaning lazily on the wall next to the library doors while people streamed passed him by, one by one, his hands shoved in pockets. His dark eyes were vacantly transfixed on a single spot, they didn't waver from there, not even as someone waved, or stopped to say 'hi'. He had been waiting for her.

'_Library, after class_.' was the text message she had received this morning. The sentence left no room for debate or possible reply. It was the first message she had received from that number in months. It would be a lie to say she didn't have a mini heart attack when his name flashed across her screen. The turmoil she felt then, the bittersweet nausea, still swayed in her stomach.

Intimidated - that was how she felt. Intimated by his perfection, by the alienation that forcefully wedged itself between the two of them since the kiss. She felt as if she was looking at a stranger, someone that curiously set her heart in motion, yet someone who remained completely unreachable to her. This project was an illusion, she thought grimly. The idea was ludicrous, alluring even, but impossible. Chuck would most definitely want them each to request new partners. He had shown just how far his tolerance for her extended yesterday, as he shoved her body away from his.

If she was smart enough, she would want the same.

Wiping her sweaty palms down her neat plaid skirt, she inhaled a deep breath and approached him with wary eyes, determined to outmatch him and gain the upper hand.

''We should ask to switch partners.'' was the first thing she said to him, her voice surprisingly cold and detached. Blair wanted to spare herself another rejection from him. How would she be able to bear it if he demanded the same thing? It would destroy her.

Chuck didn't look away from the particular spot, didn't even shift to acknowledge her presence. His musky expensive perfume was like an unexpected whip of yesterday's butterflies, disarming her entirely, yet Blair stared at his profile - expecting a reaction, a response, anything to confirm that at the very least he had heard her. He appeared to be same Chuck as usual - same straight narrow nose, same low brow, same sculpted lips - yet the distance between them seemed to have expanded since yesterday. As if they resided in different layers of the atmosphere, her air much thicker than his. As soon as she entered his layer, she choked on thin oxygen, gasping for breath.

Still, despite the colossal rift that existed between them - _still_ \- her soul ached for him.

And part of it broke as he pushed himself off the wall. As he turned to walk away without uttering a single word, without even glancing up at her, as if she was invisible, as if she was one of those people handing out pamphlets on the street.

''Great!'' she heard herself yell after him, painfully reminded of that loneliness that had swallowed her yesterday. Once again, the chilling desolation came and took her by the hand. ''Leave. That's all you know.''

Those words made Chuck Bass pause and Blair held her breath as she stared at his broad back.

He didn't turn around as he slowly muttered. ''If you wanted to work with someone else, I wouldn't have bothered to come here in the first place.''

So he wanted to work together after all? The thought was pleasurable, electrifying even, giving her courage to speak plainly.

''I'm not talking about the project.'' Her heart hammered as his body stiffened, slowly turning around to face her. She finally met his onyx eyes and once again felt herself pulled into the overflowing magic that only he seemed to radiate.

''Oh, really?'' His voice was distant as he drawled, flashing her a penetrating look. ''What exactly are you talking about, then?''

Blair clenched fists by her side, her breath hitching as she finally gathered the audacity to overcome the rift between them and to face him despite his brutal coldness. ''You kissed me!'' she accused with a puffed out chest, though her words wavered with dejection in the end. ''And then you left.''

Chuck didn't flinch at her short, but passionate outburst. ''Yes.'' he replied curtly, as if they were talking about what they had for lunch that day. ''For the first time I didn't want to be the one pushed away, so I left on my own.''

''Good.'' she coolly replied, hiding her disappointment with equally stony expression. And still, her heart beat wildly against that fragile rib-cage. ''At least you're not hiding that only thing you wanted was a show.''

''See?'' he cocked his head, indifferently staring down at her. ''You didn't even bother to deny that you'd push me away.''

The lack of emotion on his face was disturbing her. She regarded the lines of his jaw, his lips, nose and the intensely dark color of his eyes. While his irises had once been full of life, now they were completely devoid of anything but frost. Had the kiss affected him at all? Hadn't it at least shaken him up a bit? Because those few burning seconds managed to rattle her whole world to the core.

''Is that all you have to say to me?'' she implored, holding his gaze, giving him another chance at remedying the situation.

''I'm sorry, but did you ask me a question?'' he narrowed his eyes, quirking a brow, casually deflecting her question with few of his own. ''Did you say anything? Anything that didn't involve the project?''

''Look,'' she huffed arrogantly, deciding to play his game and provoke him with his own weapon. This time, she would be the one to leave him. ''Obviously we have nothing to talk about except that project. Oh, and Morelli of course.''

With those flippant words, she flipped her chocolate curls and with swift steps strode past him into the library. If she had only turned around, Blair would have noticed Chuck's face turning into a grimace that would seep fear deep into her very lovely bones.

The library was thankfully fairly desolate and she quickly found an empty table by the window, shielded with a row of books on either side. She dropped her things next to the chair and flung herself into the seat, exhaling heavily.

_What a basshole_, Blair thought to herself, massaging her temples. Her project partner seemed to be more difficult than she figured he would be. Worst of all, all she could do was stare at his lips and think about that kiss, feeling her mind going empty and blank when she was supposed to be on full guard. How her own mouth ached to touch him, to feel him, to taste him.

But that kiss... It was unlike anything she experienced before. Blair subconsciously licked her lips, remembering the sweet taste of his mouth on hers, the delicious way his tongue flicked against hers... The synchronized way they moved against each other and the small moan that got held back in the back of her throat...

Once again, her thighs clenched and she could feel herself pressing down the chair, heat pooling on the pit of her stomach.

In that moment, her train of thoughts got interrupted as Chuck Bass sat down on the opposite end of the table and she jumped up a bit, flustered, for some reason pulling her skirt down her legs.

''Your Captain refused to get you a new partner?'' he bit out, unbuttoning his blazer in irritation, trying to get comfortable and obviously having a hard time at doing so.

''I didn't even talk to him'' she lied dumbfounded, hastily drawing pile of textbooks from her bag. What good would it do if she revealed she spoke to Morelli yesterday, as soon as the official list came out? She would look like a total bitch.

''Why not?'' he demanded, settling back in his chair and piercing her with a glare, as if sensing her lie.

''Because I know it wouldn't change anything.'' she rolled her eyes, praying he didn't pry any further because of how stupid would it look if Chuck found out he was most common topic between her and Ed? If he found out that neither of them could let go of him?

''Of course.'' he grabbed the first book from the pile without breaking the eye contact. ''Since you know him so well.''

The sentence was accompanied with a sardonic smile and Chuck flipped pages, one by one, searching for their lesson. Blair watched his finger work through paper, gentle hand gliding across the smooth white surface, and something in her painfully tugged.

''How can you believe that?'' she zealously urged, long ago fed up with the story of her affair with Morelli. It was ridiculous and absurd, only seeming to endlessly irk her. ''Woman that told you that lie had an affair with him. You know that, you're not stupid. I heard she's your new hotel partner. That means you had Andrew do a double check-up on her. You probably knew about their affair long before that business deal was concluded-''

''Blair.'' he sharply looked up, but his cheeks seemed to be tinted with a hint of red. ''I don't care what that hag says. I don't even care that guy tried to pay off the debt. I don't care that he's here. I care for none of those things. ''

Chuck seemed to hesitate, but then he let go of the textbook and leaned towards her across the table, lowering his voice. ''You're always with that guy. You talk to him. Edward Morelli _knows_ you.''

''Because he listens to me,'' she explained deadpanned, angry at him because she wanted him to be the one she would come and talk to. ''I can talk to him without fear.''

Chuck clenched and unclenched his jaw. ''If you'' his words were slow and calculated. ''If you didn't spawn all those lies and forced them between us, would you still need help from that guy? Alright, I can't characterize people and analyze situations like he can, but'' he passed a hand through his perfectly styled hair. ''Couldn't I listen to you as much as he does?''

Blair nervously tapped her pencil against the desk, pointedly staring at the source of drumming, ignoring the urge to jump across the desk and kiss him senseless. She felt her heart drop at this speech and once again as her own conclusions came to her mind. ''If I didn't spawn all those lies, would you even try to understand me?''

If she hadn't lied in the beginning, would she still have draw Chuck Bass' interest whilst being her poor self? Would he cast her a second look if he knew she was janitor's daughter? Would he have cared about her problems, as much as he seemed to try to care now? Would he ever fall for her if she wore plain clothes and talked about mundane things, instead of fantasizing about holidays abroad? Would he care to listen about what her mom cooked for lunch that day, what repairs her fathers managed to do, how many days had her brother managed to keep a new job?

In a world where people eat at five star restaurants, where you wake up to a full fridge, cleaned apartment and ironed clothes, where broken stuff are magically fixed by themselves, where it's no issue to throw thousands of dollars on clothes and jewelry - would he ever manage to develop a mere crush on her, let alone fall in love?

''Distinction in class and lifestyle you so believe in...'' she murmured, his speech of relation between rich and poor people forever imprinted in her memory. ''We don't belong to the same world, Chuck.''

''Blair-'' he sighed in exasperation, turning his eyes towards the ceiling.

''I once told you; _Go and live the life of those people downstairs. Just for two days. Could you do it_?'' she pressed on, now more determined than ever.

''I was born into that life.'' Blair stated fervently, her cheeks tinged with a rosy hue. ''Would you ever offer me a chance to get through that difference between us?''

''It's my fault?!'' he growled, curling his upper lip and clutching edges of the table. ''Because I don't know anything?! Because the entire time, I've been kept in the dark so often, and somehow it's my fault yet again?!''

''I don't blame you, Chuck'' she softly said, rubbing her forehead tiredly. ''I'm just asking. Why are you being so aggressive? If you're not scared of answer you might be able to give, why are you being so aggressive? You don't even hear what I'm saying.''

Someone passed by their table and they looked up in surprise as their tension-filled bubble burst. Chuck looked away and backed up a bit, exhaling heavily.

''I've known people from upstairs since I was born'' Blair stared at him, acidic taste in her mouth as the bitterness and sorrow she felt for years came up. Because she was one of those people behind the curtain; ironing their clothes and cleaning their apartments. Rich people never bothered to know their names, never cared about anything except their errands being done to perfection. But when you are someone behind the curtain, your eyes see everything, ears hear everything and you become a wall - you become passive part of their world, filled with information and noticing smallest things - from how they like their coffee to what night cream they use.

You listen to their troubles, you help them with their problems, you manage their celebrations, but never stick around for the actual party. You've got no invitation. Your name is not on the guest list. And at the end of the day, you are a wall - you are someone replaceable, invisible, irrelevant - listening to music of the lavishing party, knowing what food they eat, what champagne they drink and you sink back further into your own cold bed. ''I know them. But you don't know people from downstairs, Chuck. Admit it, you don't. And you never will get to know them. Considering the way you were raised, I don't blame you. But if you think you can understand me, if you think someone from your position can even begin to comprehend-''

''Did you ever offer me a chance'' he suddenly snapped, shoving the textbook aside in temper, his nostrils flaring. ''You offered a chance to Morelli, but what about me?!''

''Why are you so hung up on him-?''

''Because the debt has been paid!'' he shouted, not bothering to keep his voice down anymore. Now ensued a silence unlike any other, where only their labored breathing could be heard, and the quiet shifting of the thoughts, shuffling of the sentiments and re-arranging the outspoken sentences. The information had a trouble being processed, it was a lot to take in. Blair stared at Chuck in stupefied wonder.

Debt was paid? Her family was finally free?

Librarian came to their table, all hands on hips, wrinkly eyes wide in scolding annoyance at the berserk scene in the peaceful library. The gray-haired woman pulled finger to her badly lipsticked lips, shushing them both.

''Sorry, Janice'' Blair lashed out in a furious whisper, flashing Janice a deadly glare, annoyed with the interruption. Librarian's hand flew at her throat decorated with fake pearls, all shock and mortification. After recollecting herself, the elderly lady - though slightly dumbfounded - vaguely nodded and scurried away back to her post.

Blair pursed her lips, willing her voice to sound calm, but the tension crackled nevertheless. ''You say the debt is paid? Who told you this?''

''My accountant.'' He snapped, pulling on his lapels. ''Who else? Apparently, someone stopped by and paid in cash.''

''And you think Morelli did it?'' she blurted out in disbelief. ''No, he didn't do it.''

Because Edward swore he would never try to pay the debt again and Blair took him up on it. She trusted him. She knew he didn't do it.

But then again - who did it?

''Why are you doing this?'' Chuck clenched his jaw and looked away through the window. The day slowly grew into night, Manhattan street lamps shone in the darkness, wet pavement reflecting their orange glow and moving light of the traffic. ''Why do you insist on lying for him?''

''I'm not lying'' she grit through her teeth, clutching ends of the table and leaning towards him. ''He didn't do it! I swear to God you'll make me go crazy-''

''You're going crazy?'' he shot, reverting to her. ''What about me-''

''It's all me, me, me with you-'' she mocked, huffing, crossing arms at her chest.

''Every time I try to get over a problem, you find a new one-''

''I'm telling you he didn't do it!'' Blair slapped palm over the tabletop, silencing him finally. She looked over at Janice that timidly peeked over a pile of books. Blair sighed in exasperation and dropped her voice to a whisper again. ''Listen, didn't your accountant tell you when the deposit had been made? When did he tell you this piece of information?''

Blair briefly wondered if she had asked the wrong question because Chuck's eyes darkened in an instant. His lips tightened in a white line, staring down at her, the question ominously hanging in the air.

_When_?

''Do you know when?'' he replied slowly, their gazes locked, trapped in a current of energy that nobody but them experienced. And still, they hid that feeling from each other, hid it like a mad starving dog hides the bone and buries it in the ground. ''He told me that yesterday, when I called him to tell him I wanted to pay off the fucking debt myself.''

He suddenly rose from the seat, snatched his blazer from the back of the chair and left, passing by wary Janice that hid her face behind one of the large History volumes.

* * *

Lake was eerily still under the long Bow bridge. Dark steely color spilled over the crystal surface, spotted with warm orange hue of the dying sunset on the west. It was late afternoon and Central Park was nearly empty. Somewhere past the trees, the city was buzzing with life. Restaurants rang busy with New Yorkers and tourists, everyone getting warm and cozy over a delicious dish. In the park, there was almost no sound save for the occasional clatter of horse hooves nearby or owl's flap of the wings as it swishes over branches.

Elbows leaned on the cold, beige surface of the rail, Blair stared at the buildings on the horizon. On the left side, low café latte walls with rusty El Greco's Jesus colored roof, there stood Dakota apartment complex. Just like one of those building in the center of Paris or one of the domes on the Buda side of Budapest. Or at least it looked like in pictures of Geography textbook. How could Blair know? She'd never been anywhere.

Few blocks away, on the right side of the view, was San Remo.

Another, much more grand and imposing apartment complex. Two towers imperially grew from the solid block of countless windows. Far up, on the highest penthouse of the right tower, was where Chuck Bass lived before moving off. That was before things got complicated, before everything went to ruin. With a melancholy look, she remembered all the love-filled days spent in that penthouse.

Her stomach growled loudly. She glanced at her phone. It was filled with Dan's angry messages and dad's missed calls. Did they know debt had been paid? Had the lawyers let them know? It didn't matter, she herself couldn't tell them. What was she supposed to say? How could she explain the source of the information without revealing too much? In their eyes, she was just an obedient little girl who, outside of home, was only involved in school work and nothing else. No friends. No hobbies. Just homework and house choirs. That is what they had reduced her to.

Could she tell mom, though? Would Jane come back if she knew about it? Her breath hitched, fingers curling around the phone in silent agony. Blair hadn't been to dinner at home since she left. It stopped feeling like home. Looking up at San Remo, something in her heart tugged painfully.

Chuck wanted to pay off her family's debt. After everything that had happened, he wanted to break her chains.

What does that mean? Is it possible that he still loved her?

With a twitch of her mouth, Blair turned her head away. There, far on the other end of the bridge, was a girl staring right at her. Their gazes locked.

With a calculated slowness, Blair unhooked her knee from the hole in the rail and turned to go opposite end, towards Cherry Hill. She wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck and listened for approaching steps. Sure enough, the girl followed back.

The fountain made sloppy dripping noises, filling the queer silence as Blair stood on the edge of the water. She stared as the reflection of the nearby lampposts moved on the surface, drops breaking the luminescent orange circles apart before they shape again. The steps halted and lingered nervously as their owner realized the awkward position they were brought in. Surrounded by a spiderweb of bare trees, there was no room for running away without blasting your cover, forcing the stranger to come forth.

''What do you want?'' Blair asked with a sharp note, but vivid tiredness, staring at her own distorted image in the water.

''I wanted to ask you'' the stranger clearly hesitated, pausing for a second. ''Uhh...is.. where did you get that bag? It's so pretty!''

Blair scoffed, turning around to face her. The girl must have been around sixteen, short for her age, adorned with curves she tried to hide with layered clothes. Fingers dug deep into pockets of stylish, but the thin suede jacket with fringe, she was jumping up and down on the balls of her feet, clearly not used to cold.

''I got it at Primark.'' she drawled, eying her Chanel Canvas backpack for which you need to be wait-listed for two years. ''You followed me all the way from Constance to ask me that?''

The girl opened her Anastasia lipstick colored lips, shade Vamp, but promptly shut them closed, blushing like a tomato.

''Or should I say,'' Blair pressed on, taking a threatening step closer towards trembling girl, staring at her down her button nose. ''From L.A.? Had a nice flight?''

''I should explain'' girl pleaded desperately, biting her lip and taking a step back. ''Please, let me-''

''You think I don't know who you are, Emilia Rose-Waldorf? Or should I say - _sister_?''

* * *

**A/N: **Ok so my boyfriend went abroad for business for 3 months, I stopped working full time, took up super chill part-time job (model at the art academy. yes, I sometimes pose nude) and now I'm finally able to write as I begin my classes :) No distractions whatsoever. Sorry for long wait, but it couldn't be done sooner. New chapter is in process and will update it probably somewhere around the end of this week. I was thinking of doing double update because the next chapter is closure of angst, but I figured some of you wouldn't be able to wait *AHEM*

*puts on reading glasses* I quote one of the reviewers;

''i don't have an ff acct any more so i have to manually check for updates I HAVE NEVER CLOSED THE SAFARI WINDOW ON MY PHONE CONTAINING THE LAST CHAPTER AND I REFRESH IT EVERY DAY i want to see a "next chapter" link the bottom of the page soon thanks''

*peers up from the glasses with raised eyebrows*

There you go my lovely ladies and gents. Let me know what you think.

Until next time xoxo


	36. Midnight Rain

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

**Midnight Rain**

_''It's a lot easier to be angry at someone_

_Than it is to tell them you're hurt.''_

''Have you ladies decided yet?''

''I'll have sliced tomatoes with your home sauce and chopped steak, please.'' Blair stiffly declared, arms crossed over her chest. ''This is your treat, by the way - for dragging me in here.''

As if not quite hearing, Emilia gnawed at her lower lip, staring at the menu with an intensity that would have X-men's Cyclops worried. Blair figured the annoying bounce of her feet and sweat on her upper lip had something to do with the 6'5 piece of hot blond waiter, his tight white shirt, and the pecs that rippling under the fabric when he perked his hips to take the order.

_Teenagers_.

''Williamsburg to Emilia,'' Blair sighed impatiently, tapping the table with her index finger to gain her attention. The mission was successful, and the blushing girl looked up. ''Have you made up your mind already? I haven't got all day.''

''I'll - uh, can you get me a mixed salad? See, I'm eating healthy and it would set back my fitness plan at least a week,'' she blew on her bangs, the rosy hue on her cheeks intensifying the more waiter stared at her with a puzzled amusement. The menu card was promptly snapped shut with clearing of the throat. ''Top it all off with two glasses of your best red wine, please.''

''What?'' the girl's petite shoulders shrugged airily as Blair gave her a dismayed look. ''Wine is made out of grapes. It's practically a salad.''

''That would be one glass of red wine,'' Blair declared with a quirked brow. ''And a bottle of Coke.''

''Awww,'' Emilia extended her cooing for an irritatingly dangerous length of time, her glossy lips curling into a wide smile, showing off the perfect, bleached whites. The girl was one of those people which you come across a handful of times in your life. They smile with their whole face, unabashed honesty crinkling their eyes and curving lines around them, imprinting memories with it. Blair stared at her, gulping heavily, and in that very moment decided to keep this girl at arm's length.

''I'm so happy for you! Oh my God, I have to buy you a present for the baby shower! Is it a boy or a girl?'' Emilia beamed happily.

''What? No!'' Blair straightened up in her seat suddenly, a hand instinctively clutching at her abdomen. ''I'm not pregnant! The Coke is for you, you're underage. The wine will be for me, thank you very much.''

''Would that be all?'' the handsome waiter inquired politely, his lip twitching at up at the corners as Emilia rolled her head back and groaned loudly in annoyance.

''Yes, thank you.'' Blair dismissed him with a tight nod. She shifted in her seat, had been sitting on the edge of the chair ever since they sat down, ready to flee. Looking around the busy Peter Luger, the most famous steak house in Manhattan, she noticed it was actually warm inside, almost homely. The sudden surge of comfort was readily shoved away. Outside, leaning on a red brick wall had been a half-an-hour queue for dinner, but one wave - which accidentally hit a nearby person in the face - from this overly loud girl and they were in, seated at the best table, served by the most handsome waiter.

''We could have just gone for a drink if you aren't hungry.''

''I'm not hungry,'' her companion's voice was muffled by the absurd amount of breadsticks in her mouth, shoveling them in as if someone might come in and snatch them away. ''But your stomach was growling so loudly I thought it was speaking Klingon. It was hard to pretend to ignore it. Besides, my godfather owns this restaurant. I wouldn't hear the end of it at the next Thanksgiving dinner if he found out I didn't at least stop by.''

_Godfather_, the word echoed in Blair's mind and the green snake of jealousy slithered out of the darkness and, just like it did to Cleopatra once, bit her heart.

Godfather was someone chosen by parents to protect and to act as a sanctuary. A warm friend. An earthly angel keeper. Someone to lean on. Someone to embrace when times got rough. Someone who would be there during holidays, someone who would laugh with you during obnoxious adult dinner parties, someone who would randomly pop by and take you out to get an ice cream - whether it was humid afternoon in April or freezing Sunday in December.

Blair didn't have a godfather. There was, and would always be a loneliness in her life, a coldness of stifling absence. The unbearable ache in her chest left her absentmindedly twiddling her thumb. The action was stopped and she sharply looked up, adamant in tearing this stranger down to bits and pieces.

''Why did you pay my family's debt?'' Blair demanded, voice unforgiving, like a freshly molted lead bracing against the current. ''Did she tell you to do it? Did she send you here?''

Emilia covered her mouth with a hand, choking on the food. She snatched the glass of Coke and chugged it down, coughing slightly in the process. After the eye-watering torture was over, she pulled a hand at her throat and looked up gravely. ''What the flyin' duck? How do you know about me? About her? I've been so careful not to give away anything. I didn't want to - I didn't want you to find out like this.''

Blair mulled over the girl's frantic thoughts as she picked uncomfortably at the red tomatoes, inspected juicy steak and what was an overall impressive dish. Inhaling deeply the rich scent of the perfectly cooked meat, she carefully stabbed a piece and put it into her mouth, savoring it as she let the juices flow freely. ''Mmm, this is divine.''

''Blair,'' Emilia whined, beating with her utensils against the table. ''Nobody knows I'm here. So tell me, please, please, please. Oh, pretty please with a flower on top? I'm going to kill myself if it's my fault. You're scaring the filling out of my donut. Is it my lack of David McCall skills?''

''Ew, gross.''

''I couldn't help myself, I know I shouldn't have come. I know it could have been done without us meeting, but I wanted to see you-''

''Okay, stop,'' Blair clipped, pulling up a palm to effectively shut her up. Emilia's last words caused a whirlwind of emotions that had her drawing in and once again, she shoved the opulent feelings aside. Compared to Emilia, she felt like an outcast, a dusty unfinished puzzled, stashed away like an unused and forgotten pastel color. It sourly reminded her of all the people that she loved and lost in her life.

''I know I'm adopted.''

Emilia's mouth opened and her lips were left gaping, like a fish gasping for breath out on land. ''Did they tell you?''

Staring up at the shiny golden chandelier on the ceiling in thought, Blair finally unleashed the feelings of wretchedness that had settled in the corner of her soul ever since the day she found out. The hanging crystals reflected the light, throwing it across the room in enchanting rays and she let them daze her, let herself be lost in it. ''First time I saw you, you were barely eleven. Hiding behind your father's thigh, dressed up in that perfect school uniform, your hair neatly braided hair.''

''But,'' Emilia paused to count on her fingers, eyebrows knotted. ''that was five years ago.''

''Precisely so,'' she confirmed with a bitter, sardonic smile, taking a large sip of the wine. ''I was fifteen when I accidentally found adoption papers in my father's locked drawer. Curiosity killed the cat and every peace I had until then. I had been always intrigued by that drawer. My parents never had anything worthy to keep under the lock. There was no spare money, no jewelry, no bonds... But secrets are something I'm good with.''

They are also what nearly ruined her, more times than she could count. Blair sighed, remembering the barren waste of rotten lies and hidden truths that lay in the cage of her ribs.

''One day I came home early from school and picked the lock with a bobby pin.''

''Oh,'' Emilia admired, chewing thoughtfully on the salad. ''Impressive. Did someone teach you how to do it? A renegade boy who had a crush on you so you could sneak into classrooms and make out?''

''Hardly,'' a light snort escaped her, for a strange reason, her solemn thoughts seemed to revert to Chuck. Thinking of herself then, she quickly shook them away - ashamed. ''My high school days were devoid of anything close to resembling a romance. I taught myself after I realized that my parents decided that they only had enough lunch money to give it to my brother. And Dan is anything but the sharing type. He nearly knocked my teeth out when I asked if we could split the cash. So I stole from other kids. I was hungry and too proud to beg.''

Blair inhaled deeply, never forgetting that merciless hunger that seized your whole body in a painful cramp. She would never forget the way her sunken cheeks confronted her in the mirror, the way her clothes hung too loosely for anyone to find her remotely attractive. The way boys mocked her, the way girls sneered at her. They all knew she was poor and they all found her too smart not to make fun of her. Loneliness and lack of social life are the perfect equation for a perfect report card. It was nearly impossible to keep her grades flawless while battling constant headache and tremblings, assaulted by dizziness. But she had done it. She managed to push through it, she had managed to score a scholarship for Constance University.

''Anyway, imagine my surprise when I opened the drawer. I was so -'' she paused as the pain she had been carrying inside of herself stirred and moved. ''Can you imagine what an already moody, mad at the world teen could feel at such revelation?''

Drunk on the story, Emilia vehemently shook her head.

''Did you know I was given up as a newborn? It was all there, black on white - my story, the one I never had a choice in, written on a simple sheet of paper. It said it was a closed adoption, no contact with the child and no updates of their life - all signed by my biological mother. How formal it all seemed, as if they were dealing with bonds, not a human life. How could anyone sign such cruel deal? I wasn't even given a chance-''

''But Blair, she-''

''Shh'' Blair sharply hissed, trying to suppress the gnawing feeling in her throat. Rumbling sounded deep in her chest, an avalanche of heartache exposed. Inhaling deeply, she suppressed the urge to break down. She would most certainly not cry in front of Emilia. She would not make herself look weak in front of this West Coast version of TFB.

''As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,'' she continued with forcedly collected voice, ''after shuffling through papers and finding out the name of my biological mother - Eleanor Waldorf - I packed up my bag and took a trip to L.A. I wanted to see her. I wanted to meet her. I wanted to gain her. What an idiot I was. The good thing about being a famous celebrity designer is that almost your entire life is open to the public. Using the Internet at school, since my parents couldn't and wouldn't afford it, I found out the address of her stores. I hitchhiked to L.A., slept the first night at bus station - scared out of my mind.''

Blair laughed weakly, remembering that hot sticky day and the stifling fumes of the city of angels, sweat dripping down her temple, heart beating wildly as she freshened up in public toilet. Looking at herself in the cracked mirror, she had tried to tame the long curls, back then they had reached to her waist, raking fingers through them. She put on her fanciest headband and borrowed red lipstick from a girl in a nearby stall, who she figured now was probably a crack whore. Backpack on her shoulders, Blair set off to the Waldorf headquarters.

''I was kicked out of her office by the assistants when I said I was her daughter. One look at my worn out, crumpled clothes and they were laughing, escorting me out. I remember tall, beautiful models, turning their heads to see what was going on, grinning over their skinny lattes in amusing pity. Sometimes, I can still hear their laughter.''

It had been following her around like a plague. It was there, on the first day of college. It was there when she met Chuck. It had been there every time she would enter a shop with Serena. Even now, it is dimmed in the background of the bustling steakhouse.

''Don't worry,'' Emilia rolled her eyes, effectively killing the echo of that laughter. ''She only ever hired stuck up Regina George bitches. It would be an insult if they liked you.''

''They said she already had a daughter,'' Blair's eyes flashed and Emilia gulped loudly, looking down. ''And so I went to internet café and found out what school you went to. I wanted to see you. I wanted to see what you had that I didn't? And then I saw her getting out of the limo, beautiful and regal, dressed in one of her own creations, kissing your forehead and strapping your bag.''

''She isn't my real mom, though,'' Emilia muttered gloomily, shuffling uneasily through remains of her salad. ''My real mom died giving birth to me.''

''Eleanor Waldorf adopted you,'' that ugly green snake had once again struck viciously, digging it's poisonous fangs painfully into her tender flesh. A flicker of remorse shadowed through her scaly skin, but Blair ignored it, looking away so as not to stare at Emilia's fallen face. ''A month after marriage ceremony with your father - a prestigious entertainment lawyer, may I add - and she adopted you. Why not me? What was so wrong with me that I had to be cast out?'' Her voice broke and this time she couldn't stop the tears that welled up in her eyes. ''Why couldn't she love me too?''

''I - she - I'm not sure if it's a comfort,'' Emilia gently said as she passed her a napkin. Her hand lingered over Blair's, but Blair immediately pulled back as if burned. ''I don't know the details, but my father told me how Eleanor was persuaded to give you up.''

''What?'' Blair's breath hitched as the words spilled over her. ''He knows?''

''I may not have been the biggest fan of Eleanor, but she loved my dad. And my dad loved her, despite my futile protests in the beginning. I could never forgive him for betraying my mother, but in due time, I realized that his happiness was more important to me than anything else. And that accepting his new wife wouldn't mean I would ever forget my mommy. Anyway, so the story goes that Eleanor had become pregnant by someone who apparently didn't suit the prominent Waldorf family.''

''You mean someone poor,'' she gritted through her teeth, for the first time learning something about her father. Her heart tightened as her chest filled with the agony of someone else's memories, and pain flooded her mind. Her father? Where was he now? Did he ever know about his daughter? Would he have been the hero and put a stop to adoption if he knew about pregnancy? ''Someone without great reputation?''

''No, I don't think so'' Emilia answered queasily, biting her lower lip. ''There was something else involved, maybe someone else, I'm not sure.''

''Did he know about me?'' her voice trembled as hope kindled in her chest. Maybe her father would have wanted her. Maybe he would have loved her.

''No, he didn't. By the time Eleanor learned she was pregnant, they were broken up and he was on the other end of the world. France, I believe. Blair, she was young, barely eighteen. To please her family and to make sure you lived to see the daylight, she put you up for adoption. From what I managed to get out of my dad, there were a lot of threats and blackmails involved. She was cornered.''

''Does she regret it?'' Blair whispered, staring down at their empty plates, her face devoid of color. The question just flew out of her mouth, as if some stranger spoke the words. She heard them distinctly, but the feeling of the letters forming between her teeth was gone. ''Did she ever try to seek me out?''

''I honestly don't know.''

''Ladies, all good here?'' the hot waiter approached, grinning down at them, picking up their empty plates. ''How 'bout round of the drinks, on the house?'' When nobody said anything, and he tasted the crackling tensity in the air, his smile dropped and he awkwardly muttered something about coming back later.

''I need to visit the ladies room'' Blair hurriedly said, pushing her chair back. ''If you'll excuse me.''

Panting, she entered the empty restroom. Roll of nausea took over her and she leaned over the porcelain bowl, emptying dinner in a single lurch. She squeezed her eyes shut, looking away from the mess, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Flushing down water, she sank down on the refreshingly cold floor, an acidic taste in her mouth.

_Blair Waldorf._

She used to think there was a nice ring to the name.

There was weight in her chest and she clutched at it in dire need of relief, her whole body trembling. No, there was no Blair Waldorf. She was a mistake. Her life was a mistake. Everything about her was not meant to exist. Oxygen seemed to disappear from air, leaving her suffocating, ready to do what was supposed to be done twenty years ago.

Her own mother didn't want her, Eleanor had been too cowardly to find the courage to fight for her. Instead, she settled for a rich marriage and somebody else's daughter. Her own father lived somewhere in this world, unaware of her existence, unaware that there is somewhere a piece of him, drifting through life bathed in tears and blood. Why should she live now? Ache overflowed, ripping at her skin and she sobbed, burying her head between knees.

_They are not your family_, a small voice in her said, the same voice that kept her sane for last five years.

''Where is it then?'' she whispered hoarsely, angrily, every letter burning through her throat. Where is her family? Where is her mother? Her father? Where were they? Nothing was same as it was. Nothing that mattered last year matters now. Everything had changed.

With shaky knees, she got up and before leaving, rinsed her face.

''Let's go,'' Emilia's head peeked through the taxi window in front of the steakhouse. The bill was paid, the table already occupied by new guests. ''It's friggin' freezing in New York! I know this really great venue in Lower East Side where they serve Kool-Aid cocktails-''

''I'm not going,'' Blair declared, buttoning up the coat, mist coming from her mouth as she spoke. ''This is where our acquaintance ends. You should just go home. You parents must be worried.''

Was Eleanor motherly type, like Evelyn? Or was she reckless and impulsive like Lilly Van Der Woodsen, Serena's mom? Did she even notice her step-daughter missing?

No, it wasn't her place to wonder. She had nothing to do with the woman.

''No!'' Emilia jumped out of the cab, startled, and pulled Blair's hand back as she started to walk away. ''Don't go! Please.''

''Did you have brain tumor for breakfast?'' Blair lashed out, her brown eyes blazing fire. ''Did you think I would enjoy this little get-together, listening how my own parents didn't want me? How I was never supposed to be born? How perfect your precious little family is?''

''I never said that. That's not why I came here-''

''Then why? Why the hell did you fly all the way across the continent? To see me?'' Cars sped past them and taxi driver drove away with another customer, too impatient to wait. Tires ran across the dark puddles on the road, splashing the pavement. ''Show's over, go home. I better not see you in Manhattan again. If I do, you'll regret ever coming in here.''

''I did want to see you'' she pouted, lower lip dangerously trembling. ''I wanted you to be my family. I thought - I thought we could get along-''

''I already have a family!'' Blair hissed, clutching fists by her side. ''I already have a mother and her name is Jane. Remember? That's what the papers say!''

The girl seemed to hold onto her Chanel bag tightly, looking up like a kicked puppy and something in Blair dipped down, something in her said she shouldn't be so cruel. But like the rest of the evening, she pushed those sentiments away.

''Why did Eleanor pay off my debt if she had no intentions of getting involved in my life?'' she berated, towering over the frightened Emilia, nails digging into her shoulders. ''Why not leave us alone, like she had been doing for past twenty years? Did she have a sudden change of heart because I sure as hell don't want it! What's going on here? What are you keeping away from me?!''

''Your mother is dead!'' Emilia screeched, her face twisting in sorrow, but unable to bear the pressure, putting a hand over her head. Several passer-byers turned around at the dramatic exclamation, but as soon as they realized it would be far too awkward to eavesdrop on the rest of the conversation, and they shuffled along quietly.

''What?'' Blair whispered, all the turmoil and chaos within her abruptly diminishing, dissipating, as if someone came and turned off the light, and all that had been left was a loud, vast emptiness.

''Eleanor died a year ago,'' Emilia tersely explained, wiping her own tear-stained cheek. ''Breast cancer. I thought you knew, it was all over the news.''

''I didn't,'' Blair shook her head, her vision blurring for a brief moment. It was a year ago when she was only just started at Constance University, too immersed in the experience to acknowledge the rest of the world. It was during that September haze, a haze that started the grand fire, it was then that someone who might have been a major part of her life in some alternate universe - died. She had felt the loss of a mother when Jane left, a sharp pain that left scars all over her soul.

This was different. This was distant. Numb. Like when someone says your name for the last time. Tears were kept at bay for it was the death of a stranger, of someone she never met, but someone that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Thousand different what-ifs, possibilities and dreams that had never, and would never, have the chance to play out.

All of a sudden, she felt a pair warm of arms embrace her, the soft scent of Versace enveloped her that moment, and Blair realized one thing; Emilia Rose-Waldorf had lost her mother too, twice. So she hugged her back with wide eyes, understanding of the pain.

It was then that she finally heard the rest of the story. Of Eleanor's bankruptcy. Of her downward spiral and antidepressants. Of the way, Cyrus bought her company and all the shares that almost went to waste. How she died without a penny to pass on to anyone, but surrounded with love and care. And ultimately, she told her of her father, world-renown hugger, who secretly hired PI to investigate his late wife's child. She told her of Cyrus Rose who heard of the debt and wanted to set things right. Of Cyrus Rose who, without telling anyone, wanted to be someone's hero.

''Blair, I want to be your family,'' Emilia sniffled after few minutes, breaking out of the hug to look her in the eyes. ''I want to be in your life, even though you might not feel the same. Daddy warned me against coming here, telling me not to disturb your life, but I couldn't bear to be alone anymore, living with the knowledge that there is someone, somewhere, who might enter my life and stay there forever.''

She pressed a card with her address and contact details into Blair's palm.

''Call me whenever. I'll wait for you. Our lawyers will let your father know about the debt. I think my dad decided to keep us out of the story. It will be said that charity led by one of your ex-residents will have covered the debt.''

''Thank you,'' Blair smiled weakly, fondly, pushing hair behind Emilia's ear. This girl seemed much more mature for her age and the silliness she exuberated seemed nothing but a show now. She had underrated this brilliant young girl whose pain she shared. Finally, her heart seemed to continue to beat, this time with certain steadiness. ''You shouldn't hide your face behind hair. You're so beautiful.''

''Sorry I was such a bitch to you earlier.'' she added, managing a small laugh and a slight smile.

''I know things are hard,'' Emilia stuttered, blushing profusely, and she took hold of Blair's hand. ''And I know that you'll need some time to think things through, but please - don't forget me. You will always have a home with me.''

And just like that, Emilia Rose-Waldorf was gone. Despite all that, deep down inside, Blair knew it would be years before she would knock at Emilia's doors.

* * *

Front doors were wide open when Blair got home. Uncomfortable smell of mild staleness greeted her, smell that sprang up from the moldy nooks since Jane left. While mom was here, house always had an aroma of cooked food, spices and rosy perfume of her hand cream. There was a distant feeling of alarm now, but it was snuffed out by relief when apartment was found empty. Nobody was in and Blair marveled at the solitude. Finally, she'd be free to go straight to bed and sleep off everything that had happened today. Emilia's voice reverberated like a ghostly echo; _Your mother is dead! Your mother is dead! Your mother is dead!_

Shivering, she clutched the calling card in her pocket tightly. She thought about going to Morelli, an urge to tell him everything itched in the back of her head, but she quickly dismissed the notion. Blair was too tired to go anywhere, exhausted and mentally drained. They could talk tomorrow after class. She hurried to bed because if someone came back, there would be no rest tonight. Dad would sit her on the sofa and start yelling at her for twenty different reasons - guilty or not. He needed someone to vent out on.

Deep down inside, she knew he blamed her that Jane left.

Dan would force her to make dinner while they all sat on the couch, watching TV, threatening she'd go to bed hungry if there's nothing edible on the table. After the meal, Jessica would get her to clean up everything while they went to bed.

Every night it was the same story, except for this one.

Because as she opened the creaky doors to bedroom, there was Chuck Bass - clutching her tattered pillow - sitting on her small, rickety bed.

* * *

**A/N**: Next chapter... you all know whats up ;)

Sorry, I've been terribly busy ((scored an ear infection too, how hot is that?)). Thank you for reviews guys. Your support means a ton to me.

Also, many thanks to my amazing beta Dyenya. You're the best xx


	37. Forgive Me

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

**Forgive Me**

_''Can you break my bones?_

_Will you tear my skin?_

_Can you taste my lust?_

_Can you feel my sin?''_

The world came to a sudden halt, like a car crash that pauses right at the peak of a collision, taking everything sane with it. Edge of Blair's vision flickered like a corrupted TV screen, not quite knowing whether it was a night terror or not. As it usually happens in nightmares, any ability to speak or form a coherent thought was lost, legs glued to the floor. Muted by some higher force, all she could do was helplessly watch as he drew even breaths, his eyes focused on the crack in the mirror on the opposite wall.

_It used to be much more beautiful_, she wanted to say. The mirror had seen it's glory days, but they were long gone. Once expensive piece that even hung at mayor's living room at some point, was now merely shadow of it's former self, hanging on the barren wall. It's golden flame still shone, but the reflective surface was spotty and corrosive.

Chuck Bass, epitome of Upper East Side purposefully bred perfection, flawless in his tailored suit and combed hair, was _here_, in her dusty, arm-length bedroom. Nausea took over as she leaped out of her own body, and regarded the scene from a distance. What a horrifying view it was. Only now had she noticed black mold spots in the each corner of the ceiling, clinging like an unwelcome guest. Chipped paint on the wall revealed ugly gray plaster underneath. Low window shook with the winter wind, letting in freezing air through the cracks. Howl it made went all the way into Blair's heart.

It was cold and screamed of poverty. No lies could hide her rotten misery. Nothing could prepare her for the wave of shame that overflowed the floor, climbing up her thigh and enveloping her chest in an agonizing tight embrace.

''You shouldn't be here'' her body croaked out and he snapped his head towards it, but remained sitting - arms locked around that damned pillow. Invisible Blair paced the small room and shuffled her textbooks on the shelf. They needed to be alphabetized. Why weren't they alphabetized? Why were the edges ripped and covers stained? Why did everything had to be hand-me-down around here?!

Still, he didn't move, but she noticed the glint in his eyes, the strange new way in which he regarded her and she was terrified of it.

''You need to leave'' body once again urged, and invisible Blair threw the books down on the floor in frustration. No matter how hard she tidied, no neatness, no expensive-looking clothes, no Georgina's curtain could hide her true status at that very moment. ''_Now_. Someone might come in-''

''Blair!'' dad's voice rang from the living room and she was once again one with herself. ''Get in here!''

Chuck quickly rose from the bed, pillow in hands, but she silenced him with one quick, panicked look.

''Where's that damn dinner?'' Bob demanded, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel, leaving a black oily stain. ''I'm starving. I've been working my ass off down in the basement with Dan. How 'bout you look up to your brother and make yourself useful sometimes?''

''I didn't prepare anything, I just got here-''

''You what?'' he drawled in annoyance, reverting his glare on her. ''Where the hell have you been?''

''In the library'' she muttered, remembering how Emilia said she wanted to keep her visit a secret. Remembering her father was all she had right now from range of people that left her, abandoned her and forgotten her. No matter how jagged his love was, it was still love and most importantly - he was here.

''I don't give a damn about your school, but when I come back home, I want dinner waiting for me on the table. Clear?''

''Where's Jessica?'' she began to ask, aware Chuck was listening to this conversation because they had paper-thin walls, nothing could be hidden here - no, nothing at all. She clutched her fists, knowing how this all looked to him; like a primitive conversation between a redneck and his daughter and she blushed, wanting the ground to swallow her. ''Why can't she do it-''

''I said is that _clear_?'' Bob growled, his firm look signaling the discussion was over.

''Yes'' Blair took a step back, knowing there was no point in carrying this on, her gaze lowered down. ''Mom told me to remind you to take pills for your heart.''

Bob froze, his eyes for some reason slowly turning misty, but all he did was vaguely nod and she waited until he picked a tool from the nearby drawer and was gone back where he came from, his back hunched. She returned to her bedroom and nearly knocked into Chuck.

For some reason, he was heaving breaths as if he'd just ran a marathon, eyes jumpy and searching. They didn't speak, but their breaths couldn't help but to intermingle in this small space and she felt the orchestra of defeat within her. It was followed by another wave of shame, unannounced and vast and she leaned on the cold wall, arms behind her back, staring at the small window that looked out on other people's feet.

''I found out about the debt'' he hoarsely said and she sensed he was trying to get her to look at him, but she couldn't make herself to meet his gaze. ''I - The doors were open, I couldn't help but to get in.''

''Is it everything you thought it was?'' Blair bit out, knowing she was just scared, not really angry, yet the words rolled off her tongue in lashes. Debt was furthest from her mind now, because right then, in that miniature room, their differences screamed and crawled through her ears. ''Behold the infamous janitor's home. This here is my room. That there is a mirror we brought from upstairs. It doesn't really fit in here, does it?''

''Just like you'' she finished quietly, when she actually wanted to sit next to him and tell him about her day, about the stuff that happened to her and maybe talk about their project if the topic would seem too heavy to handle. She wanted to tell him about all the new ideas that came to her as she thought of the last part of the project, but it was impossible. The whisperings multiplied, voices of doubt enveloping them with black, thorny wings. And in that darkness, a star shone, burning comet searing through night sky - shedding light on the inevitable the truth. Truth that lurked from the beginning, hidden and ignored.

A truth that they could never fit together.

''So this is where I live'' she muttered bitterly, remembering the soft touch of his silk sheets, the warmness of his bedroom floor, the spacious pristine jointed bathroom, perfectly fitted walk-in closet and vast, ceiling-high windows. How odd must it all seem to him... How alien. How _pathetic_. ''This is where I sleep, do my homework, daydream. This is where I constantly raked my head about us. Tell me something, how does your world look like from over here?''

He didn't say anything, his eyes kept reverting to that crack in the mirror. How strange would that crack look to eyes that previously saw nothing but luxury and aesthetic perfection. In this case, she was the crack and he was the beautiful, untouched golden frame.

''See how far and unreachable it seems'' she felt the tightness of her throat, warm tears pooling behind her eyes. ''Do you understand now?''

Because all the lies she said were to bury down the truth and serve as glue to fit their pieces together - her jagged ends and his smooth corners - but they were too different to ever stick. Chuck looked up, his eyebrows knotting and she hated the way he stared at her - in dumb shock - as if this was all weird channel on TV for society cremé to gape at. She wasn't even an actress, not even one of those side-kicks or one-liners. The only actor here was him and she was nothing but a piece of rusty furniture in shabby room, part of set background.

Blair angrily wiped her tears away, forcing open the doors. ''Go away. You need to leave.''

After he didn't move, after he kept rooted to the spot, she stalked out and let him follow her to the living room. His Burberry perfume didn't belong here. His clean-shaved face didn't belong here. His expensive coat would look hilarious on her old hanger. They were animals and he didn't belong here. Pushing the front doors open, they were met by Dan.

''What the fuck are you doing here?'' her brother seethed after a startled pause and without waiting for another moment, as if he waited his whole life to do that one thing, landed a punch on Chuck Bass' face.

''No!'' she screamed out while the crimson blood gushed from his split-open lip and he staggered back in shock. An instinct to protect him, a living pulsing need to keep him safe throbbed in her, moving her limbs and setting them in motion. Like a lioness, something in her roared with might and she set her deadly glare against her own brother, standing between them in a challenge. Being stronger than her, psychical power not caring to know the strength of ardor, Dan carelessly pushed her away, and Blair was shoved in the corner.

''Did you come here to gloat, you motherf-'' Dan was like a feral animal. Someone that definitely _belonged_ in here. Teeth set in a snarl, eyes blazing fire; he tried to land another punch, but Chuck surprisingly neatly dodged it. Her brother's purple fist connected with air. Thrown with force and gravity, he stumbled over chair, knocking a small dining table aside. Getting up, even more so enraged, he tried to attack again - though unsuccessfully.

Blair noticed one thing in the midst of Dan's battle screams and curses. It was the way Chuck clutched his untouched fists, keeping them at sides, not raising them - as if refusing to strike back. As if refusing to succumb to the volatile ways of the animal kingdom. She remembered the way he lashed out on Anthony weeks ago, the way he went after his very own best friend Nate - all out of jealousy. He had succumbed to animal ways before then, he knew that jungle all too well, walked it's dangerous path with raised head. What was so different now?

Their gazes locked and she finally understood. It was as if something in her head clicked and warmness spread over her body like a comforting blanket, because she realized that he didn't want to hit Dan - her _brother. _He didn't want to hurt her very own family, though they were hurting him. And if it was possible, Blair loved him even more.

''Dan, stop!'' she cried once again with voice of a storm and rush of the footsteps could be heard, the incoming river in an uproar, heels clicking against the marble stairs of the lobby. Next second, heads peaked in the apartment, swirl of different expensive perfumes and Georgina screamed at the scene. Dan and Chuck froze at the sound, turning to look at the crowd that gathered at the front doors.

''What the hell is going on?'' Diana demanded, hand at her throat. ''Dan, explain this!''

Dan let go of Chuck's collar, wide eyes darting around each residents with alarm.

''Mr. Bass, you should press charges!'' one of the residents in suit behind him exclaimed, shaking finger in the air. ''This is unacceptable! What an outrage! Who do they think they are?''

Chuck Bass merely wiped his bloody chin and glanced at crimson trail on his hand. Blair sought his eyes, sought his gaze to assure that he was okay, to tend to him because he was alone here, in this building, with nobody to clean his wound - but Chuck already left, shouldering past searching prosecutors.

''And he runs away'' Dan laughed scornfully, looking satisfied with this undeserved victory, all arrogance and pomp. ''It's his fault! Coming into _my_ home-''

''This isn't your home!'' Diana spat, her lips set in a tight line. ''This apartment is bound to building and janitor job! You didn't _buy_ this place and as far as my knowledge goes, you're not the janitor. Do you greet anyone who comes here with fists and punches? Fighting and violence is not something we tolerate around here!''

''Not in this building!'' someone shouted, adding. ''This used to be a good neighborhood until you came!''

''Exactly'' she continued, moving away from the doors so someone could come through. ''Oh, good. Mr. Bob, you're finally here. The _actual_ janitor is here.''

''What happened?'' their father muttered, wiping sweat off his forehead, looking around at the chaos in his home - scattered chairs and flipped table. ''Is everything alright?''

''Your son keeps causing havoc, Mr. Bob. He was caught striking one of the residents. We warned you last time, if anything like this happened again, there would be repercussions. Your son crossed that line again. Remember when he got drunk and assaulted one of the cars outside, yelled until he woke everyone on the block? Not to mention we've ignored many times noise from this apartment. You're not exactly the family that talks things through calmly. I'm sorry, but your reliability and our peace is on line here. We will have emergency residents meeting weekend. It will be decided if we will keep you any longer.''

Several heads nodded in agreement and one by one, residents went back to their respective lush apartments, satisfied with the extremity of the result.

''I warned you'' Diana said, but this time she was looking at Blair. ''This could very well be your last week in this building. We'll let you know of our decision. Have a good night.''

* * *

There were 159 tiles on the floor. 159 ugly tatami tan tiles. Blair counted them, even double and triple checked. If she stood on the farthest left corner of the Management Club room, you could see twelve bare trees through the window, stretching further onto the street. If you stood on the right corner, only six would be visible due to the left wing of the Constance building.

It's been an hour and Chuck still hadn't come to finish the project. She had tried calling him, a phone call he never returned. She had tried texting him, a text that went unanswered.

If he only knew how much courage it took her to press few simple buttons on the phone. How her heart furiously drummed against the rib-cage, intent on wearing itself out. How her hands trembled so bad she could barely get a grip on the old thing. And the overwhelming sense of dejection as he completely ignored her, not even bothered to reply 'no'.

She sensed something ominous when she woke up this morning. The feeling multiplied as soon as she saw him on his way to class. A shadow flickered over his left shoulder, like a haunting harbinger. She couldn't let him pass her by, not after what happened yesterday. Not after she realized she couldn't pretend anymore because she still loved him. Even now, as he etched scars over her heart.

_''Does it hurt?'' Blair whispered, her hand raising mid-air towards wound on his lip. She ached to soothe it, to caress his cheek, to make him promise he would never scare her like that again. Chuck said nothing, merely stared at her with impassive look on his face, not even acknowledging the outstretched hand. After an uncomfortable silence, it limply fell down, knuckles red with frost. _

_Blair wanted to come to him last night, wanted to check if he was alright - but there was no escaping prison of home. _

_''I'm sorry that it happened'' she said softly, rubbing her forearms, feeling cold. Still, he kept quiet and continued to stare at her as if she was nothing but air. Crowd started to gather around them, students on their way to class, and she took a shaky step towards him to get closer to his light, to his darkness. But in response, he took a step back and turned his back - as if nothing ever happened - as if his words were too good for her to hear. As if she was a nobody._

Someone entered the club room, but it wasn't him and she quickly asserted ''It's taken.''

''What?'' the person scoffed in disbelief. ''It's a Club, not movie seats.''

''As a president I can make this into North Korea if I want'' she grit through her teeth, not in the mood to bicker. ''Now please show yourself out.''

Yes, she had managed to overthrow Richard Spencer last week and gain the Management Club. And there was absolutely nobody to tell this to. Penelope was still in London and busy with her superb London life. Her family didn't care. Mother offered her congratulations, but they were insecure and half-hearted. Jane didn't know how hard she tried, how important that was to her.

Blair re-arranged the project papers for the tenth time that afternoon, re-checked if all the materials were in place and sharpened all the pencils - _again_. Had Chuck forgotten? Was it possible that he left his phone at home? Still, he would have come here to check-up, as they always did. They would have finished this together, as they started it.

Had he forgotten or had he finally came to his senses last night? He saw how poor she was, he saw how miserable and unexciting her life is, he saw all that and much more. He saw and realized he could never love someone like her; someone with too complicated yokel family. Someone who had nothing to offer. Someone too broken to be fixed. Someone who would be nothing but a waste of time. There was nothing appealing about her.

Blair walked to window, grayness of the day was cold and metallic, slivering in through the translucent glass. Her family found out about debt last night, but the mirth was over-shadowed with that incident. She remembered the way Dan dug his fingers into her shoulders later on, leaving two bruises, and demanded to know what the hell Chuck Bass wanted here.

And she lied. She lied for him, though swore to herself that her life would be nothing short of tribute to honesty.

_He asked for a spare key_, she said with surprisingly detached voice. _I swear that's all he did._

And once again, her father brushed over Dan's culpability for the mayhem with residents, shrugged off his blame and left everything to God's will.

_It will be what He decides is the best_, he kissed the cross that hung around his neck, clutching his chest and crumpling the plaid shirt.

They would end up homeless and nobody cared. She would end up on the street and nobody cared. Did they even let mom know?

Looking down on the courtyard, she noticed Nate and Serena casually sitting on one of the benches, their backs turned to her. Nate played with furry ball on Serena's cap, then whispered something in her ear that made her crack up with laughter. Paige waved at them from the gates, hailing herself a cab. Anthony was schmoozing some freshmen nearby. The world went on without her. Nobody would even notice if she disappeared right now.

She spotted Chuck walking out of the building and join his best friends, as if this was just a casual day, just a regular Monday in their Upper East Side life.

Blair's heart leaped at the sight of him, it marveled as his lips spread into a small boyish smile, reserved only for people that he loved. It nearly stopped as he casually checked his phone, his face hidden in shadow. He had his phone with him after all. He saw her missed call and ignored it.

Heart furiously throbbed as he indifferently put it back in pocket and resumed a smile, but then he looked up, his eyes clashing with hers - as if he knew the whole time she was watching him. Blair froze on the spot, not daring to breathe lest she broke the moment, as they stared at each other, as his smile dropped to a stony grimace. It lasted but a second and then he was gone - walked away not from his friends, but from her.

Something in her throat grew, like a bubble that demanded more space, painfully sought more room. She tried to swallow it down, but it hurt and her knees trembled. Blair staggered away from the window, dropped on the table in front of project and stared at the open books.

Why was her heart breaking, shattering into thousand fractures that continued to break into smaller parts and so on into a malevolent infinity? Hadn't she been through all of this already?

No, this was different. The more she tried to wipe the tears away, the more they fell among the broken letters and drawings. This was entirely different matter. The pain was fresh, strikingly vicious. This was no dull ache, but a series of deep stabs. This was confirmation of all her crippling doubts and fears, this was something that couldn't be slept through or solved by a long, hot bath. It was like reading a favorite book for the first time and coming to the last chapter. It was the sudden heartbreaking realization that there would be no happy ending and gloomy knowledge that author left no epilogue to be comforted by.

The clock on the wall ticked loudly in deafening silence. Though father learned of the debt payment, he had been on the edge ever since last night. It would be best if she wasn't late. So Blair did what any sensible girl should do in times like those; she used up all her pent up energy and frustration, and focused them on getting the last part of the project done.

It was already dark outside when she finished and handed over her work to Morelli, standing in his office. The room was lit only by a green Tiffany lamp on the desk, model boat next to it casting shadow on the walls. He was relaxed in his leather office chair, looking as dashing as ever in cream colored high-collared sweater. His sandy hair was pushed back in a handsome mess, like those Rockabilly boys did it in the fifties.

''Where's your partner?'' he asked as she approached, rubbing his eyes under the brown round vision glasses. He took them off and sighed, ''It's snowing outside.''

They both glanced out and sure enough, there were white fluffs of snow drifting through air and landing on the window sill. Thin coat of snow, that had fallen that afternoon, covered the university court. The first snow was usually a special moment filled with mellow happiness, but magic of today was stuck somewhere, lost up above in the dark murky clouds.

''I don't know'' she brusquely replied, butting up her coat. ''Would that be all?''

Ed flipped open the pages and noticed couple of drops near the end. His brow furrowed as realization dawned on him. ''What happened?''

''Nothing'' she stated distant, eyes unnaturally empty. ''Nothing happened. Nothing at all.''

''Blair...'' he whispered in concern, setting down the paper.

''The project is done. You wanted us to work together and we did. You wanted us to resolve our issues and we did. Now if you'll excuse me-''

''_Blair_'' Ed shot up from his chair and caught up with her at the doors, worried. ''This isn't what I wanted. Talk to me. Did he do something to you?''

''I-'' words played around her tongue, dozens of different stories swirling around in circle; Chuck, Emilia, mother, Georgina. But something in Ed's look had her backpedaling, questions that were pushed aside regarding him were now, in this cold emptiness, brought back to life. ''Isn't this exactly what you wanted?''

He let go of her wrist and slowly drew himself up. ''What do you mean?''

She could sense wheels in his head spinning, spinning and spinning - until they finally stopped at last place he expected them to. His ignorance seemed ill fabricated and she decided to push the matter until everything hidden came to surface. If she had no peace, neither will anyone else have. He was the only one she had right now and there was no other choice but to push him away too.

''You know very well what I mean'' she insisted, remembering Chuck's jealousy, Diana's wrath and the way Morelli never left her side, never let her go - despite her sins and misdeeds. ''Why won't you finally tell me the truth? You've preached so much about honesty and being true to yourself, but you can't follow up to your own advice?''

''Can you handle to hear the truth?'' he spoke quietly, that calm aura around him vibrating and brewing with storm.

''Can you be brave enough to tell me?''

The question was barely out of her mouth when his answer came rocketing through, like something catapulted from the other side of solar system. ''I'm in love with you'' he said with such tight voice, it seemed as if there were thousand different voices inside of him - all struggling to be set free. He said it as if it was something he came to terms with long time ago, something that grew with him like two fig trees grow and intertwine together.

''I have to go'' she muttered and disappeared into the cold night.

Blair rushed home, rushed up the stairs when elevator was taken, rushed as her heart beat in unexplained anticipation. Something was going on in universe, some shifts were set in motion, rusty wheels starting to turn and she could feel it in. She could smell the change in air. Something bad was about to happen and it had nothing to do with residents council this weekend. It had nothing to do with her family, debt or Morelli. With raging pulse, Blair knocked on Chuck's door, but they slid open and chilly gust of wind howled through it.

''Hello?'' she shakily called out before coming in, noticing the open window, swirling silken curtains. ''Anybody here?''

Living room and kitchen looked as they always did - unused - and she closed the window, shivering as snowflakes slowly entered through, creeping in and melting into non-existence. The swirl settled and she inhaled his perfume that still lingered in the air, as if he had just been here. Anxious and drowning in apprehension, she followed the scent and walked through the hall to his bedroom to find him, her hand gliding over the smooth wall.

''Chuck?'' she called out once again, but whatever else she was about to say died on her lips. Bed hadn't been slept in, drawers were left open and vacant, closet lacked the usual color-coordinated row of suits. Hangers were left empty, hanging on the rack in desolation. The place was abandoned. She noticed key copies on the night table and Blair couldn't but to drop on his bed, put her nose to his pillow - a place where his perfume was strongest - and inhale deeply.

Chuck Bass had finally left.

* * *

Do you ever spend days on autopilot? Do you ever get dressed in the morning, listen to the news, go through classes, talk to your friends and at the end of the day - have no recollection of the things you've done, of the words you've said? You feel no actual hunger, no thirst. No amount of coffee helps, the world seems to be frozen in spot. Wind howls without a sound, sun shines dimly, everything is distant and muted. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy, as one movie once said. There is only omnipresent feeling of a _lack_.

Blair felt a lack.

It was Saturday evening and she was sitting on her bed, packed suitcase under her feet. If it was up to her, she would walk out of here with nothing but a toothbrush. Blair owned nothing but memories and they were stuck here, in this small apartment. There were dozen of people upstairs, far on the top of this crowned building, deciding on the faith of her family right now - dissecting them like frogs, weighing their vices and virtues. Would they feel sorry for them? Would they make excuses for them? Would anyone defend them, remind the prestigious neighborhood of the years and years of service they provided? Diana Sparks seemed to be intent on kicking them out of the place. Whatever Diana Sparks wanted, Diana Sparks got. It is how the world revolved, the way rich people wanted it.

Blair felt resigned.

Resigned to break the ties with everyone from her life and start anew. She would run away to California, LA. She would beg Cyrus Rose to take her in. If begging wouldn't do, she'd be forced to resort to blackmail. How impressed would press be to learn of forgotten daughter of Eleanor Rose-Waldorf? Of hidden adoption? Of the mysterious rich father? Blair would fight and kick to remain above water and not be dragged down into dark oblivion. She would burn to keep herself alive. She would burn as many as bridges as necessary.

Because the only bridge that ever matter was shattered, demolished and dust disappeared with the passing wind. Chuck Bass moved away almost a week ago and never came to class anymore. Rumor had it, he spent his days in Tropic - not getting drunk, but managing the club and finances. Chuck Bass was excelling in business; a ''rising star of entertainment industry'' as the papers put it. He looked better than ever and everything he touched seemed to turn to gold. And she was here, wearing a coat of sorrow that refused to slip off her tired shoulders.

He had moved on and it hurt. It hurt so much everything in her seemed to shut off.

She couldn't even feel sorry for Jessica who apparently miscarried and spent few last days in hospital.

She felt no remorse for her father that patiently sat by phone, waiting for the news that would have them on street by Sunday morning.

She felt no grief for her brother that was somewhere out on the street in this night, freezing and his mind raving.

She felt nothing. Not a single thing.

The phone rang and she gingerly rose. The decision had been made.

''We're staying'' Bob breathed out after he hung up, hand on his heart. ''They voted and we're allowed to stay. Thank God Almighty.''

''Okay'' Blair nodded, for some reason crestfallen, and she was out of the home, running through lobby and walked out on the street. Nobody was out, lamp shone on wet pavement, lightning the cement and lined limos. Whole world seemed to be asleep. It was cold and she shivered, but it felt good because the emptiness was too much to bear and Blair desperately wanted to feel something, wanted to get away from here, wanted to escape and never come back. The harsh cold was like fire on her skin and it felt invigorating.

Staying here meant sleeping in the bed of pain, in the cage of home, knowing Chuck was lost, knowing he moved on, but she was still here - still stuck in love.

''Going out to celebrate?'' a voice sneered behind.

''Your shining knight saved your family'' Georgina came up to her, arms crossed at chest in obvious frustration. ''How touching. He bought the apartment just to save you; a damsel in distress. You should check out the ownership certificate, it may have your name on it.''

''What are you talking about?'' Blair straightened and flashed her a glare, not knowing if she was serious or not. Who was she talking about? A shining knight?

''Playing the pity card, how smart of you'' her childhood friend went on, but there was anger in her eyes, mouth set in a perpetual frown - much like her late father. ''Now for real, what have you promised him? What did you have to offer to him so Chuck would buy the place?''

Her narrowed gaze roamed over body in contempt and something hit Blair's chest, an electric feeling that moved the curtain aside and she was finally able to breathe, to feel completely. Finally, she felt alive. Feeling alive meant being human, but being human meant being weak.

''What did you just say?'' her head snapped up, wind moving her wild tresses and tangling them. ''Chuck bought the apartment?''

''Oh, dear'' Georgina rolled her eyes, grabbing a cigarette out of her pocket and lightning it. ''Is this the Broadway hour? You playing dumb and me explaining things to you?'' she gave it a thought and then shrugged. ''Fine, have it your way. So the tonight's episode of Big Brother of Upper East Side went something like this; I voted you out, as did half of people there because you're a scum - you and your family. Jenny stupid Humphrey for some strange reason voted you in along with the rest of the residents. I guess she's feeling very Mother Theresa these days. Anyway, just as we were about to agree to kick you out, Chuck swoops in, hands over ownership contract, because if you're simply renting the place - you don't have a say in council. And then he votes you in. Just like that.''

Was it possible? Could it be that he - ?

By now, Georgina was maniacally laughing, but her hands shook and she was rummaging pockets for something. Blair watched her pop a pill or two, muttering ''When will this stupid shit finally start working?'', but she couldn't focus on anything, her heart was hammering, her thoughts a jumbled mess.

''I hope you get better'' she quickly added, leaving Georgina stunned, cigarette hanging in mid-air. She walked back in and took an elevator to the last floor.

He opened as soon as she rang the bell. Their gaze locked and Blair blurted out the question ''Why? Why did you do it? Why did you save my family?''

There was no point in beating around the bush. They have already wasted too much time. There was no point in pretending, in lying anymore. They saw each other's faces - worst and best. She backed him in to the corner of the hall and shut the doors behind her, continuing as he said nothing, his mouth left hanging open as if he wanted to say something he didn't dare.

''Is this another way to punish us? Is this another trick up your sleeve? Are you not done?''

His gaze suddenly darkened and he sharply turned away from her, pulling collar of his crisp shirt. Chuck muttered, ''I didn't do it for them.''

''I thought you left'' she went on after small pause, baffled by the promise of his answer, but the hurt was hidden under note of anger. Because promises bred hope and hope bred misery. ''I thought you and I were threw. What's this? Another blackmail? Like that night?''

''Yeah, let's talk about that night'' he finally snapped, reverting to look at her square in the wide stricken eyes. Chuck's fists clenched and this time, he didn't back away, but on the contrary - pressed closer to her. ''Why did I do what I did that night? To hurt you?''

She gulped loudly, her heart hammering as the snow soundlessly fell in thick piles outside.

''To humiliate you? To test you, Blair?''

Name on his lips triggered something inside of her and she realized how close they were, how strong his perfume was, how real the whole scene was. How _dangerous_. She felt the butterflies coming home, swarming around in her stomach and pulled away from the source of it, from him, but his step simply followed her as if they were two pieces of the same machine, two instruments of the same orchestra.

''Or is it because I wanted you?'' his voice was nothing but a broken whisper and she wished he would shout at her, that he would break the moment because tide was shifting and she could do nothing about it. She could do nothing as their pieces slid in place and formed a single line. He stood still like a panther, not looking away from her, at the same time his gaze demanding something she was afraid to give. ''Maybe it's that simple.''

Her back hit the wall and she felt her guard lowering, the instinct to protect herself around him blowing into bits, remains turning to ashes. They were being carried away by the waves and none of them was trying to save themselves. The current was overwhelming, stronger than their feeble bodies. Her eyes searched for glass of scotch, glass of any kind of alcohol in the place to justify his words with recklessness of intoxication. There was none.

''You don't know what you're saying'' Blair shook her head, consciously giving him an opening, an easy way to leave and never come back. She bit her lip, forcing herself to feel cold, but it was too late for that. Everything that could be felt at that moment surged through her like a scorching fire. She looked up at him, deep into his onyx eyes, and finally realized why hurricanes were named after people.

''What I'm saying'' his gaze flickered to her plump lips and she felt the hurtling world come to a standstill as he placed his arms on the each side of her head. His breath was hot on her cheek and she pressed her thighs together, feeling deliciously dizzy, her own breathing picking up the pace. ''Is that I love you, Blair.''

And if she felt dizzy then, after those words everything changed, everything shifted, everything crashed and rebuilt again. The fear was gone, the fear that they would hurt each other diminished into nothingness and all she could distinguish was how much she loved him in that very moment.

Something passed from his eyes to hers, an emotion that couldn't be put into words and she realized that all this time, their love grew while they both thought it to be dead. It flourished, filling them up with tenderness and aching need for each other that they hid, hid it with skill of a prosecutor. Rapture filled that penthouse, not lust - but _love_. He didn't touch her, for some reason he was restraining himself and all she could do was push herself off the wall and press her mouth against his, in agony for the taste of him.

He tasted as sweet as she remembered, but this time there was no desperate urgency in the kiss. Their tongues slowly worked, letting themselves get to know each other again, letting themselves feel what it meant to be lost and then found. They reveled in the nostalgia, in pain and fresh ecstasy. It didn't take long for passion to rekindle and they couldn't let go of each other anymore. Some higher force tied them together, glued their skin forever and bid them goodbye - leaving them smiling like fools. Their hands explored each other as if they've never touched before and he was carrying her to the bedroom, their clothes lost on the floor.

Chuck gently lay her down on unmade bed, but before he planted another kiss, before they finally became one - she urged, quite breathless, ''I never stopped loving you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.''

And he froze, looking down at her crestfallen face. The desire in his eyes simmered down as her regret, her pain mirrored his own. Chuck slowly gathered her in his arms, kissing her with each ''I know. I'm sorry too'', assuring her that she was not alone anymore. Finally, he was here.

And he was here to stay.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy birthday to reader that asked if I could post today. I wasn't planning to, but since it's your very special day I decided to make you happy and finish writing the chapter :) Congrats, I hope you had a great day! And I hope you like what I posted ((I even skipped sending it out to beta so I could upload faster. It's **UNEDITED**)). This is my bday gift to you ;)

This is where I was planing to end the fic, but since many of you expressed desire to continue with it and plus I got so much stuff up my sleeve, there was no way I could stop now :P Next chapter, heavy Chair fluff and talking about what they've been through while being apart. Awh ;P Also, trouble.

Good news today for me too, I got the job I've applied for even though I was heavily unqualified! I thought... If Trump could do it, so can I! 2 traumatizing interviews later... And I did it! Also, unfortunately Trump did too.

K its 1am and Im tired. **Pleaseee review** :) I love reading what you write to me! 7k words for this chapter. Its huge.


	38. Hurt

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

**Hurt**

_''Then they were locked in a passionate embrace,_

_seeking and finding the love they had been pushing aside for so long.''_

Blair could still feel his weight on her, even now as she lay alone in her darkened bedroom, hours after. The ghost touch of his fingers brushing over her flaming skin. His taste still lingered on her lips, his perfume entwined in her hair, the imprint of his grip on her thighs, all left as they were carried away with raging passion.

He had left not bruises, but proud love marks, etched into her skin like tattoos on a tribal warrior.

They have been through hell and back, and those tattoos were the symbol of their victory, a medal of honor. The smile refused to come off her face, like a spring in the icy grips of the winter. It was well past midnight, a school night nonetheless, but sleep was nowhere to be found tonight. Because for the first time in her life, she didn't need dreams. They were unwanted. Finally, reality was far better than any illusion her mind could generate. Something knocked on her window glass and she shot up, her elevated mood quickly dispersing into the background.

Blair froze, keeping her breath, straining her ears, waiting to see if it was just her imagination. Perhaps it was just a stray cat rummaging through the nearby dumpsters? Or maybe somebody was attempting to break in? It was, after all, New York. Surely enough, another series of knocks, wait no - taps - came and she rolled quietly off the bed and covertly grabbed the heaviest textbook from the shelf. Blair gingerly opened the window and peered into the darkness, holding up the book as a shield.

''Hello...?''

''It's me.'' a whisper came out of the darkness, much like the sound of the wind, and Chuck's face came into the moonlight. As the fear melted away at the sight of his face, passing like the first snow, that overflowing emotion came thundering in, sweeping her off her feet and carrying away everything that didn't bear their name.

''Oh, thank God,'' she heaved, letting out a small nervous laugh and dropped the book on the bed. ''What are you doing here?''

''I couldn't wait upstairs any longer,'' he gripped the bars of her window, his knuckles red with frost. The night was starless, a solitary supermoon shone down upon them. ''I needed to see if you were okay.''

''I texted you,'' she shivered as a cold wind blew into her bedroom, and Blair put her warm hands over his. ''It's cold for you to be out like this. I'm okay. They didn't suspect anything.''

''I had to be sure,'' he shook his head and leaned up to plant her a swift kiss. His nose was cold, iron bars scalding with ice at her cheeks. But garden inside of her chest bloomed with warm sunshine. Blair wanted him here with her, always and forever, but a dark thought spread over like an ominous fog.

''Are you going to leave again?'' her voice trembled as she broke away, clutching tighter to his hands. Chuck looked taken aback for a moment, mist coming from his mouth as he labored breaths, silence elongating.

''I didn't leave because I wanted to'' he murmured gravely, eyes focused on her face. ''I left because I couldn't protect you. My very presence was hurting you.''

Blair recalled the way Dan had thrown a fit when he saw Chuck, the way their families hated each other, it made something sinister in her gnaw silently on her newfound happiness.

''But that was then. Am I taking you to class tomorrow?''

_I'm in love with you._

Morelli was in love with her. Her friend had confessed to being in love with her. And she had his class tomorrow. She remembered the fervor with which Ed looked at her, as if she was everything he would ever need in his life. His vivid blue eyes had sparkled with an intense electricity. All of a sudden, she found herself blushing profusely, a pit of nervousness twisting in her stomach.

''Blair?'' Chuck spoke her name softly, gently pulling her back out of the wild range of emotions that just played within her soul.

''No,'' Blair quickly said, ignoring the growing anxiety, and in that very moment decided to keep Ed's matter a secret. There was no need for Chuck to know, it would only upset him further. Besides, it was something she could deal with alone. Dust need not be raised. ''Dan is taking me to school. He thinks I need a bodyguard ever since he found you here.''

Chuck regarded her for few moments and she thought he could read all of her secrets right then and there.

''I'll take you back home then,'' he smiled, pulling back his hand away from under hers. ''Good night, Blair.''

She closed the windows, assuring herself that not telling him about Ed was the best action for all of them.

* * *

Blair was alone in the Business Strategy club. Iz's notes from today were sprawled haphazardly across the table and she was doing her best to quickly copy them. Doors opened and in walked the last person she wanted to see, someone she had been deliberately avoiding all day. Blair rose to leave, but one quick look from him had her sitting back down.

''You know it isn't a smart move for someone on scholarship to skip classes.'' Ed calmly said, approaching her with measured steps.

''It's not a smart move for a professor to fall in love with a student either,'' she bit back, lowering her pencil.

''Why haven't you been attending my classes?''

With pursed lips, Blair simply raised her left eyebrow, as if the answer to that question was stupidly obvious.

''You can choose to kick me out of your life,'' he shook his head, settling himself on the opposite desk, crossing his strong arms over his chest. It was hard not to notice his muscles under the tight shirt and the rippling contrast between his blue eyes and white sweater. ''It's not a problem. But I don't want you hurting yourself on the account of me.''

Blair pressed her lips tighter, hating that he was right,right now hating the way he always knew what to say and how to say it with such a calm, collected assurance.

''I gave my promise to this school, I'll be here for a short while,'' he went on, his Daniel Wellington leather wristwatch ticked loudly, filling in the silence between their words. ''But not more than that. So please, come to, at least some, of my classes.''

''I'm not going to do that.'' she stated firmly, looking away, refusing to fall into his trap of sensibility and sense.

''Why?'' he pushed himself off the table, his eyebrows knotting, but Ed kept his distance. ''You can't blame me for what I feel for you.''

''Yes I can!'' she snapped uncouthly in anger, her fists clenched tightly around the folds of her skirt. ''And I do! You were the only one I could talk to without thinking about what I have to say, without holding back. And you've taken that away from me.''

''I understand,'' he replied, restlessly uncrossing his arms, she realized how selfish she sounded right then. But it was more than that. ''I didn't want this.''

''I don't care,'' she raised her voice, mad that he was still able to understand her, still had compassion for her though she had none for him, that he was still able to look her deep in her eyes and read her like a book. ''I still blame you.''

''Don't.'' he vigorously shook his head, although the impeccable style of his hair remained untouched. ''You and I are no different. You can't control your feelings, and neither can I. A man doesn't know, or control what he'll feel. He just feels.''

Blair was left dumbfounded for a moment. What if Ed felt the way about her, that she felt for Chuck? A small glimmer of sympathy lit the room, but she trampled over it as she turned toward the windows, crossing her hands. It was down there, in the courtyard, that she spotted two people she has hoped never again to see together.

''Oh my god!'' she clapped a hand over her mouth in shock.

* * *

''Why did you vote us in the building?'' Dan asked furiously, his fists shaking in anger at his sides.

''I didn't want anyone kicked out.'' Chuck drawled lazily, rolling his eyes carelessly as he faked disinterest.

''Who do you think you are to be saving us?'' Dan growled, taking a threatening step forward, only fueled further by Chuck's indifferent rich boy attitude.

''Dan!'' Blair came running out of the building, avoiding looking at Chuck at all costs.

''Did you know he saved us?'' he directed his words towards to his sister, but refused to remove his narrowed eyes from the face of his enemy.

''Don't do this',' she grit through her teeth, looking around at the people around them. ''We're on college grounds.''

''Did you ask him to do it?'' he snapped, painfully grabbing the hold of her elbow. Chuck's eyes zeroed on the action, but Blair's gaze silently begged him to stay put. ''Tell me!''

''Watch your tone.'' Chuck snarled and he stood deadly still, though everything in him screamed to start a fight and take his girlfriend away.

''You're going to tell me how to talk to my goddamn sister?'' Dan threatened, pushing Blair's arm away and facing Chuck completely. ''Or what?''

''Gentlemen,'' Edward Morelli came, towering over them with the superior air of an adult, a professor, and Blair couldn't be more grateful for him - despite what they were going through. ''We're on university grounds.''

Chuck, seeing an imperceptible nod from Blair signaling all is okay, left them without another word. From the corner of his eye, Morelli watched him walk away. He shifted his jaw and turned to look at the siblings.

''Dan.'' Ed shook hands with her brother, not having seen him since summer - since the days he owned Vero yacht and Dan sometimes came for small repairs. Something in Morelli's eye color shifted at the memory of his yacht which he sold, and in that moment - Blair noticed his cerulean eyes seemed to reflect the nostalgic waves of the ocean. That yacht had been his everything.

''I'm sorry Mr. Morelli, we had a private problem,'' Dan said, lowering his head. ''I didn't want to deal with it here.''

''And yet you did,'' Ed replied seriously, exercising a disciplinarian authority. ''Please don't do it again. Blair'' he said, reverting to her. ''I'm going to class. I'll be expecting you.''

''That dickhead better thank Morelli.'' Dan said after he left, slamming his fist into the palm of his hand.

''Listen to me,'' she seethed, furious with his jealousy and anger. ''Don't you ever do this again. Not in here.''

''Blair, that Bass guy is up to something. Mark my words. ''

* * *

''When I found out you bought the place, I couldn't just come here. I've been sitting for a long time at home, trying to make some sense of it all.''

''Mother,'' Chuck looked up from his bowl of fruits. ''I had my reasons.''

Evelyn's delicate perfectly waxed eyebrows knotted ever-so-slightly, in such way that absolutely no wrinkles managed to ruin her ageless face. She anxiously glanced over at the newly-bought apartment, knowing the calm half an hour which they enjoyed while eating and catching up with small talk was over.

''Reasons regarding that girl from downstairs? '' She flashed him a wary glance.

She was no longer Blair, Chuck noted with mild discomfort. His mother knew her name, he reminded himself. There was no need to correct her. No need to lower himself down to Evelyn's level. His mother could never understand.

Chuck carefully chewed on his brunch, intently looking at his glass of water standing on the silk tablecloth, ignoring the jab for the sake of their reconciliation. He hoped there was still a chance for them. But moving back in the building shed a light on matters that had been left in the dark for far too long.

''Don't you think that's a little too much, son?'' she stared at him the way only mothers know how to, trying to catch his eyes. ''All those things you do for that girl - don't you think it's all bit too excessive?''

Chuck continued to ignore her, thinking to himself that whatever he did for Blair - it would never be enough to repay her for what she had done for him. She had taught him how to love. He finally loved and was loved back in return. You couldn't put a price tag on that, no matter how hard the society tried to.

''Chuck, what did that girl do to you?'' Evelyn went on, hand on her throat - all melodrama and self-victimization. How typical. ''You were still in a hotel yesterday. We were all so relieved.''

_We _were all so relieved.

Because everyone else thought they had a right to tell him what to do and whom to love. Because those were the rules of high society. He lived under a glass bell, every segment of his life under a heavy scrutiny and automatically in for requesting approval.

''Mother'' he said sharply, dropping down the utensils. ''This is my life. Enough with this talk and incessant questions. Let it go.''

Evelyn looked taken aback for a second, but upon sensing the fragility of relationship with her son, let the matter go - for now.

''Very well,'' she smiled at him tightly, corners of her eyes left untouched. ''We'll just see that apartment as an investment. But you don't have to live here. You can move out, right now. We'll rent you out another one - a better one.''

''Not now,'' he sighed, seeing the pattern of his parents work - it was all about bribery. All about money buying love, patching up the frailty. But it never sticks. All it does is drill a hole in your body and fill it with emptiness. As the hole grows, you try to fill it with money, only to find out nothing was ever enough to clog it. Nothing except true love.

''Why are you doing this to yourself? I don't understand. Listen, your suitcases are right here - unpacked. So just leave. Go somewhere else, please. ''

''Stop it,'' Chuck slammed his fist harshly on the table and porcelain shook with the movement. ''I can't go, Mother. I can't.''

Ten minutes later, Evelyn let her son rush off to class as she tidied up the kitchen and leftovers of their brunch. Having nothing to do, her husband being in the office, she unpacked a suitcase for him with a heavy heart. The boy seemed intent on staying here. But something would come up, she thought to herself. Something that would pull him away from that gold-digger. It was bound to. Evelyn knew Chuck and Blair were too different ever to function. It was best to spare them the pain.

After being done, she left the apartment with a deep sigh and walked out on the building hall with raised head and straight shoulders, waiting for an elevator.

''A getaway weekend?'' female voice purred from the floor below, gaining her immediate attention. ''Sounds tempting.''

As Evelyn realized whose voice that was, as she realized it was the flirting voice of a Sparks widow, she took a step back in her Chanel heels, graciously leaning back to get a peek through stairs opening. Who was her new target? Who fell into her hungry clutches this time? Who was risking his profit and personal merit, to be stolen?

''But I'm still not completely sure, Bart'' Evelyn froze as she saw her ex-husband on the doorstep of man-eater widow, Diana clutching her scandalously short bathrobe. He was just leaving and his clothes were crumpled. ''You're familiar with situation regarding Georgina.''

''Do you have to be that perfect, Diana?'' Bart smirked, hands in his pockets, ready to leave - but not before he gets what he wants.

''Perfect?'' Diana grinned in faux shyness, showing all her pearly whites.

''You're putting your life on hold just because of some angry kid'' he played with the end of her robe's string and something in Evelyn painfully tightened, something had her frozen in spot, breathing heavily as her ex-husband teased. ''I respect that, but we need a break from all of this stress.''

Is this the way he charmed the panties of every woman Bart cheated her with? Claiming his family was putting him under stress when they barely even saw him, especially Chuck? Is this the speech he perfected? Seeing him in action stirred all the foul emotions she repressed after filing for a divorce. Evelyn felt ill.

''Far away in silence, just you and me.''

''Is that hard to tell you no, Bart Bass?'' Diana looked at him from under her fake lashes, pursing her lips. ''Alright, you got yourself a date.''

The pair of lovers separated and elevator dinged, signaling the arrival, but Evelyn could barely hear it.

* * *

''I'm sorry I'm late,'' Chuck kissed her as she got into the limo, pulling her to his side. ''I got held up with Mother.''

''Evelyn?'' Blair stammered quite surprised, stiffening in his embrace. ''Oh. How did that go?''

''As long as I hold your hand,'' he got hold of her fingers and brought her palm to his lips. ''It doesn't matter. None of it matters.''

''That bad?'' she furrowed her brows, scooting away from him as all the insecurities and memory of her lies came surfacing back. She remembered his mom's tears, her pain as the scenario worsened, day by day. Chuck and Blair made up, but everything else was left untouched, all the chaos still swarming around them. ''Was Evelyn angry with you a lot?''

''Nothing new.'' he shrugged, squeezing her hand lightly.

''Nothing new since I made a mess in everyone's life,'' she let her hand fall limply, her eyes drawn to the window and passing scenes of Manhattan streets. The snow fell lightly, melting in brown puddles of mush. ''Your mom and I used to talk about you. You two were starting to get close. You father finally started to tolerate me, to accept me. It's all my fault. I ruined your relationship.''

''Blair,'' Chuck sighed, brushing the hair from her forehead with a tender gentleness, as if she was nothing but finest porcelain. ''I have my mother and my father, but we're not a family. We never were and it has nothing to do with you, I promise. It has to do with apathy, selfishness, years of disappointments. ''

''At least you have a common language. You can talk to them. Unlike me.''

''Blair,'' he called out once again, lightly rolling his eyes at the loving, but ineffective advice. Chuck knew all the talk was pointless, he tried to talk to them - many times - failing every time to be actually heard. ''I've reached the point in my life where I don't care about anyone but us. I just want to think about you. I just want to talk to you. Until I get over the absurd differences everyone else had placed between us, it's the way it's going to be. ''

''How long are we going to have to hide?'' she asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. ''How long are we going to ignore our parents?''

''As long as it needs for them to notice us.'' he kissed her cheek with confidence, and rubbed her thigh, as if sensing her fears and doubts.

She frowned, shaking her head in disapproval. He was being reckless, but a part of it managed to thrill her at the same time too. ''Can we do it?''

''We can do it'' Chuck seriously replied as the limo pulled up on a corner of their block and stopped. ''I won't let anything ruin this for us.''

She smiled at him and he looked past her head through the window that just opened, his face falling. ''I hate leaving you here. I hate leaving you anywhere.''

Their gazes locked and she could almost feel the intensity their love, almost touch it in the small space of the limo. It sparkled through the air, it sizzled at every touch they made. Right then, she could swear sky lowered down to shield them with clouds.

''I hate that you have to go home alone,'' he continued, stroking her cheek with such tenderness Cupid would be proud of. ''I hate that I have to wait for you until morning, Blair.''

''And I hate that you have to wait for me,'' she pressed her forehead against his, feeling his warmth, breathing in his breath. They could hear the car driving past them, past the window, but all that existed in their minds were them and nobody else. They kissed softly, her fingers running through his hair, his arms circled around her waist and the promise of their future together.

''Go first,'' he spoke breathlessly as they broke apart, still cupping her cheeks. ''We can't be seen together.''

Because it was dangerous. Too dangerous. But with the way she felt, it seemed there existed no evil in this world, there existed no harm. Grinning, she nodded and planted a tender last kiss. Blair left the limo, closing the door after he worriedly added ''Text me when you get home.''

Blair had to restrain herself from skipping home. Though snow fell calmly at the beginning of the ride, something in the atmosphere changed and the wind picked up the pace. Trees creaked above her head, vigorously leaning back and forth, as if trying to warn her of something. As if trying to tell her to turn back and go the other way.

Dan was standing in front of the building entry, hands at his sides, his face changing colors when he saw her - pale to red to green. Blair paused in front of him, ''Are you okay?'' she asked anxiously.

''How could you do this to us?'' he croaked, not taking his wide eyes that oozed with craziness off of her. ''How could you?''

With a racing heart, she stared at her brother, wondering what was he talking about, and that voice in her screamed to turn away and run as fast as she could. But Blair stood put, raising her eyebrow in a questioning manner, trying to conceal the way her hands were trembling in her pockets.

''I saw you kissing.'' Dan grit through his teeth and still he didn't blink, as if he didn't want to take his eyes off of her, as if she might run away from him. ''I took a cab and saw you and that guy, in his limo. You _slut_.''

The first slap is the toughest. Shock electrifies you as you see the incoming hand, knowing there is nothing you can do now to stop it, knowing it is too late to run. All you can do is take the hit. Your skin stings, burns at the contact, and nothing can numb it. Your knees hurt from the impact of the cement. You feel that first slap days afterwards. You feel it for weeks.

''How could you do this to us?'' he yelled, spit flying out of his mouth like a rabid dog. She felt something warm gush from her nose and Blair looked up at him, still in shock, still somewhere where this wasn't happening. But it was and there was no escaping it.

''Get up!'' he wrenched her up forcefully, his nails digging through the thin layers of clothing and leaving bruises. A part of her thought he would get her inside, but all he did was straighten her up so he could knock her and she fell once again, her hands scraping on the cold pavement, realizing in that moment that he had no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

''You were making out with that son of a bitch!'' he bellowed as the metallic taste of blood oozed into her mouth. Blair prayed for anyone to come, anyone, to stop this because she thought she would die. He would kill her. The torture seemed to have no end. Dan pulled on her hair and she cried out, blood gushing through her throat and he pulled her up, livid and insane with madness. ''What did I tell you, huh?!'' he demanded, holding her for the collar of her coat and shaking, shaking, shaking her. Blair felt dizzy, she felt like she might throw up any second.

She received another punch, but this time she didn't feel hitting the ground because everything already hurt, every part of her body was contused.

''Didn't I tell you to stop seeing that guy? To stop talking to him?!''

And then he was kicking her while she was on the ground, pulling her hands away from her face as she tried to shield herself, so he could get a better hit. And in the midst of the buzzing sound her ears made, she heard someone scream ''No!'', but it must have been her imagination because it sounded like the voice of Georgina, and the girl hated her.

Everything hurt so much, Blair thought she would die, she thought every drop of her blood would already have been drained from her and that nobody would come to her rescue. But Dan was being pushed back by Jessica and then father came and Dan was bellowing for everyone to hear, ''I saw them together! I saw them!''

Finally, a limo pulled up and Dan furiously pointed a bloody finger at it, ''I saw her with that guy!''

The only thing Blair saw before fainting was Chuck's shocked, furious face and she knew, no matter what happened, he would never forgive her family for this.

* * *

''Where are you going?''

''A getaway with with my girlfriends,'' Diana shrugged, not looking at her, putting on her coat. ''Jenny will be waiting for you, you can stay at her place.''

''What?'' Georgina blurted out, frantically pulling on sleeves of her shirt. ''You're dumping me to Humphreys? And Lil J is supposed to babysit me? I don't think so. I can stay here by myself.''

Diana sighed, pulling out her freshly curled hair from under the coat, reverting to look at her step-daughter with a practiced face which she herself called 'Worried Area-Mom'. ''Have you been taking your pills?''

Georgina scratched on her sleeves vigorously, the scars underneath itching her. ''Yeah, but I don't think they're working. I don't feel good. I think I need to see my doctor, I need stronger pills.''

''No!'' Diana's eyes widened in panic, but she quickly pulled back and covered herself with Worried Area-Mom look, letting out a small nervous laugh. ''No need for that, darling. These are the strongest there are, I checked already. Don't forget to ask me when you run out of the box, you know they're prescription. I'll get you a box on my way now.''

''Yeah, okay.'' Georgina bit her nails, looking up at the corner of the ceiling. The shadows have started to reaper again. The anxiety that didn't let her sleep started to feed off of her fears again. But despite knowledge of growing chaos within her, she fought it. ''Have a nice weekend.''

Diana left with a smirk, patted her stepdaughter's cheek and on her way to pharmacy, bought a box of vitamins for children - the exact shape and color of Georgina's pills.

* * *

''Blair is sleeping'' Georgina said as Nate let her in his apartment. ''I thought you might want to know.''

''What is she doing here?'' Chuck sighed in annoyance and pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing the kitchen restlessly. ''I'm going to Blair.''

''Wait, no.'' Georgina stopped him, placing her hands on his shoulders but he flinched in disgust. It would be a lie to say it didn't hurt. ''You can't go. They won't let you see her.''

''What am I supposed to do?'' he burst out, pulling on his hair. ''Just sit here and wait? Didn't you see what they did to her?''

Georgina noticed his knuckles were bruised. She remembered the way he used Dan as a punching bag, a feral look that had come over him back then. He completely lost control. It suited him.

''She's right'' Nate added, pouring a glass of scotch. ''You'll only provoke them like that.''

''I'm not going to just sit here and wait,'' Chuck snarled, pushing away the glass. ''I'm going there and I'll be taking her away.''

''I've known those people my whole life,'' she made him pause in his tracks. ''They don't work like we do. If you take Blair away, she'll never be able to come back home. Never.''

''Why are you helping me?'' he turned to glare at her, seething just at the mere existence of her. ''I don't trust you. Blair doesn't trust you.''

''I-'' she opened her mouth to say, but Chuck was already out and Nate went to his bedroom with glass in his hands, shaking his head.

I'm alone, she wanted to say. I think I'm going to disappear.

Chuck knew that bitch was probably right.

He walked around aimlessly for awhile, thinking solely about Blair, if she was okay, if she was in pain. His hands shook with worry. He couldn't rest so he walked, walked and walked until the night fell. Never in his whole life had he been scared or angry like today, when he saw her laying on the sidewalk bathed in blood. Nothing could ever erase that image from his mind, love of his life broken and crying at the hand of her own family.

It was time for them to do what they should have done a long time ago.

* * *

''Do you want some coffee?'' Dan asked as people at Port Authority bus terminal pushed by them, shouldering them to hurry and catch their ride. They stood still, as snow fell upon them and Manhattan buzzed around with life. This was probably last time they would see cosmopolitan life for a long while. He waited few moments as she kept her back turned to him, ignoring him, looking up at the moon. He shrugged and went into the café, ordering himself an Americano.

Blair's eyes watered as people stared at her face, as they gasped at the cuts and bruises. Nobody approached to ask if she was okay. She wasn't. It hurt. Her whole body and face hurt. Her spirit was broken. She hated every minute alone with Dan. Her hand ached to kill him, ached to get her revenge as they sat in the cab on their way here, but vitragé on his face quenched her thirst. Chuck already got to him.

For the first time, she felt defeated. All Blair wanted to do was love. Was that so hard to allow?

The cold was welcoming. It numbed the pain. Today, as soon as she gained consciousness, as soon as Jessica applied cold meat on her face, her Father had thrown her phone away so she wouldn't be able to contact anyone. Then he dropped two tickets to the country on the table, banishing her and Dan to re-join her mother, cursing the whole Bass lineage.

Did the universe feel the need to restore the balance? The last couple of days, she had felt so blissfully happy. Was there really need to balance it out? She was being forced out of Manhattan just when things were finally started to turn right. She would lose her scholarship, her friends, her life, she would lose Chuck. Would he ever forget her? Would he go looking for her?

It didn't matter, she would always love him. Blair would never forget him. The crowd cleared a bit as few buses pulled away and drove into the distance, disappearing into the night. She looked back to check on Dan. He was still at the counter. An idea to jump in the first random bus and drive away without him sprang up, but with a fallen heart, Blair realized she had no money. Once again, she looked up at the moon as her eyes watered. For some reason, moonlight felt comforting.

Quite out of nowhere, a car rushed in the lot, screeching as it parked directly in front of her.

''Blair?'' Chuck called as he got out, not taking his eyes off of her. His coat was buttoned open, his hair was a disheveled mess, but he was already rushing to embrace her.

''Chuck?'' she cried out in relief as their bodies connected, tears falling down her scarred face. He had come. He had come to her rescue. Chuck quickly wiped them away, looking at her with a desperate look in his eyes, afraid to touch her face, afraid to make her hurt.

''C'mon'' he breathed out hurriedly, mist coming from his mouth. ''Let's go. Let's run away together.''

The proposition petrified her. She had thought about it countless times before, but now, faced with actually doing it - something in her hesitated. Was she ready to turn her back on everyone? Blair looked back at her brother and their gazes locked. In his wild, insane eyes, she saw everything that she hated, loathed. He was no longer her brother. He was an animal fueled by jealousy and fury. That one look had her sure, had her accepting Chuck's hand and nodding, realizing for the first time that there was no other way. This was the only way out.

''We should have done this in the beginning.'' Chuck muttered softly as he opened the doors for her, glancing up at Dan who was running their way to stop them, yelling obscenities.

''I'm scared.'' her voice quivered as the car sped away, and she watched her brother and their suitcases grew smaller and smaller, only to be finally swallowed by the dark distance.

''Don't be,'' Chuck hugged her, kissing the top of her head and turning up the heat because she was shaking. ''I love you so much. I'm never going to leave you.''

* * *

**A/N:** Out of curiosity, how many of you are in The Vampire Diaries fandom and what are you ships? :)


	39. Only Ones Who Know

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

**Only Ones Who Know**

_''The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive,_

_but in finding something to live for.''_

* * *

''Did you two wander off?'' an old man asked them - the owner - his bushy white eyebrows furrowed, swinging cabin keys in his calloused hands. ''They yap about rural tourism and all that, but nobody comes unless they took a wrong turn.''

They had rented out a forlorn looking cabin somewhere outside of New York. The snow fell in a continuous pearly curtain, coating the entire landscape in white. There seemed to be no civilization for miles around, only pine forest and the luminous full moon. The dark cloak of night veiled the sky and wet roads became dangerously slippery.

''No, Sir'' Chuck replied, still holding her hand, not letting it go - not since Manhattan. ''We needed a place to stay and stopped by on our way.''

Short answers. Generative. Something to be forgotten in a breath. They had to be careful.

''It is good that you did,'' the old man smiled gently, his eyes crinkling. ''You need shelter. They say a storm will rage tonight. Have a nice night, kiddos.''

The inside of the cabin was charming, with wooden and stone walls, blankets - blankets everywhere - and fluffy carpet with pillows in front of the wide fireplace. There was a distinct scent of cinnamon in air. Blair regarded the place where they were supposed to lay low, her fingers still numb, flakes slowly melting at her shoulders.

''This is the first step of our life together,'' Chuck murmured, brushing a stray hair behind her ear, smiling at her with tenderness.

''It wasn't supposed to be like this,'' she shook her head, the anxiety stirring in her bosom. They weren't supposed to run away and hide. It was supposed to be perfect. Effective. Real. This wasn't. This was just a hasty patch-up of a wound that could never be closed in order to postponing the bleeding.

''It doesn't matter anymore how it is supposed to be,'' he rubbed her forearms, pure joy glinting in his dark eyes. A joy she had a hard time denying. ''We're finally together, far away from everyone.''

She bit her lip, knowing he was right, but part of her still feared, gnawed intense anticipation. Their running off together would most certainly trigger an avalanche.

''Go on,'' he nodded towards the telephone on the shelf. ''Call whomever you want.''

''Thanks a lot for throwing your iPhone away on the trip here,'' she rolled her eyes, but grinned at the sight of the phone, at the chance to call her mother. Jane would have been waiting for her at the station in the country, waiting for a daughter that would never come. The mere imagination of her mother, sitting on a crooked bench and glancing at every bus from New York made her chest ache.

The fire was already crackling merrily as she got off the phone, the cabin slowly beginning to warm. Their coats were drying off nearby, shoes tucked away in the closet. Somewhere outside, in this forsaken land, a dog barked. Chuck was sitting in front of the fireplace, leaning on the couch behind him.

''You know how to light a fire?'' she asked in surprise, her eyebrows raising almost to her hairline. This was a guy who thought his kitchen was just for a show.

''It's electric,'' he smirked and held up a corner of a blanket. She slid underneath it, scooting closer to his side. He tucked her in and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They sat there as the cold melted off their bones and sense of comfort lulled them to relax.

''How did you know where to find me today?''

She noticed his eyes on her, on her scars, unanswered questions hung in the air. But Blair wanted a minute of that vortex of silence to process the information, just needed to listen to that dog barking in the background and crackling of the fire before she could repeat mother's words again. Words that had her heart trembling.

''I bribed Jessica,'' his short answer came, followed by deafening silence. Precarious apprehension in the breaking of his knuckles.

''She told me to save myself,'' Blair finally spoke after a while, dazedly staring at the dancing flames - not having mercy enough to keep him in dark any longer. ''Mom told me to run and never look back.''

After a momentary shock, Chuck nodded - vividly bewildered. He buried his face in her hair, knowing how important Jane was to her. Knowing how much strength it took for her mother to say those words, to go against her own family and rules. It seemed surreal.

''She understands us,'' he murmured, rubbing her stiff shoulder, sensing her stress. ''Your mother believes things will get better. I do too.''

After she said nothing, but merely watched the flames in gloom, he pressed on - knowing her life had been difficult, aware of that shadows that infested in her and forcing her to be doubtful of happiness. ''The only thing you need to do is believe.''

''I don't know what I'd do without you,'' she smiled up at him with such ardor and he thought no sun could match up to her radiance, no matter how strong her darkness could be sometimes.

''When I saw you on the ground today,'' he whispered, feeling the warmth of the fire on his left cheek. He could hear the muted crescendo of his heartbeat, until it grew louder, until it was all he could hear. For the second time that day, something malignant stirred in him, shifting it's feathery wings, and he shut his eyes to block screams that seared through lane of his memories. Blair's screams. Screams that made him snap and lose control. He was so close to killing someone today. ''I - Blair, I -''

She quickly placed her head in the crook of his neck, buried in his scent, breathing it in to calm him and herself. Chuck, strongly disturbed by the scenes that played out in his head, held her tighter, willing himself to forget it because he would have no peace - no peace until she was finally safe, with him. How could anyone be that cruel to break her beauty? How could anyone be that heartless to break her wings, tearing them apart feather by feather?

''It will pass,'' he said softly, comforted by the silken touch of her curls. She was here. Blair was okay. Blair would be okay. He would make sure of it. ''We'll heal our wounds first.''

They stayed like that for a while, listening to each other's breathing. Blair snuggled closer to him, drowsy as she said ''Tell me a story.''

Because she needed a distraction, she needed something with a happy ending. Thousands of worries swarmed like stinging bees in her head, taking her rest and only driving her to madness.

''Okay,'' he kissed the top of her head, caressing her back to soothe her, sensing her troubles with every sigh she let out. ''I'll tell you a story that will make you forget everything else. It all started with a slight accident after class last year.''

''I met this petite girl that was about to change my life forever. She didn't look like anyone I knew. The girl was awfully bad tempered, feisty...'' he let out a small chuckle, remembering distinctly the first time he met her. ''Stubborn.''

''It might sound strange, but it all started with 'Are you okay?'' he continued and she leaned her head on his chest, his steady heartbeat slowly lulling her to sleep. ''I used to liked to party. I liked to play cards, hang out with my friends... But nothing came close to... Came close to the feeling of loving someone.''

He glanced down at Blair, at her peaceful scarred face, long lashes and split pouty upper lip. A warmth spread over him like when light gradually spills over the hills and meadows at dawn, bathing the morning in a luminous glow.

He knew he would love that girl forever. He knew, in that moment, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Chuck wanted to see Blair grow old, he wanted to see each of her laughing lines deepen and stretch further. He wanted to see her hair turn from their luscious brown to the soft hue of gray. He wanted to be there in every waking moment.

''I never thought I would love somebody this much,'' he spoke quietly, as if not to disturb her and at the same time to keep away tremors of his voice. ''We've turned our backs to each other countless times. But every time after that, we'd hold each other tighter. And I found myself loving you more with each passing day.''

''I promise you we'll have a happy ending,'' Chuck breathed out, leaning his cheek against the top of her head, warmed with fire.

''Are you going to love me forever?'' Blair asked sleepily, question partly muffled. She looked up at him under her half-lowered lips and he leaned closer.

''I will love you until the day I die,'' he hummed happily against her lips, kissing her lightly when they parted, tasting the heaven.

* * *

''What a disgrace,'' Bart muttered as the red and blue flashing lights hit his beady eyes. With a straight back, he stalked between the police cars, through the crowd of policemen, a shocked Diana Sparks at his arm.

''What is this?'' he asked as he got to penthouse, usually empty luxury residence swarming with more officer. ''Where do you think you are? A donut bar?''

''Mr. Bass,'' a man with POLICE yellow letters on his windbreaker came, flashing his badge and stretching out a peace of paper. ''We have a search warrant.''

Diana gasped, hand at her mouth and Bart took up to glare at the man, confused and outraged at the invaded privacy and interrupted getaway weekend at Hamptons. One police phone call and he had to take off his cashmere bathrobe, drop the freshly popped champagne bottle - flashy 1943 Dom Perignon - take a tedious chopper ride to Manhattan and deal with this mess - all of this on empty stomach.

''A search for what?''

''Your son has been charged with kidnapping'' the inspector declared, folding up the paper, not taking his eyes off of the Big Bad Wolf.

''I beg your pardon?'' he sneered as Diana pressed closer to him in worry and in that moment, from the top of the floor, descending down the stairs - gracious even in the times of trauma - descended Evelyn, a mortal reincarnation of Thetis.

Her slanted eyes zeroed on Diana, a power hungry bitch with a stealth record of broken affairs and indiscreet lovers, clutching to her ex-husband. The new bait had been picked, she noted with abhorrence. Was he so foolish to fall for her ploy, under the spell of Lynx.

Yes, Evelyn knew all about the affair with Morreli while the hag was married to Sparks. The woman had no shame. The woman was their business partner. How could they trust someone like her?

That is, of course, unless she slept with Bart for that partnership.

But then again, Lynx never seduced Zeus by the means of love potion. Because Zeus had always been womanizing cheating bastard.

''Send this woman away, immediately,'' she ordered, crossing her thin arms, eyes flashing lightning. ''And find my son, Bart Bass.''

* * *

The morning was soundless, tranquil and grounds were covered in smooth untouched snow. Blair woke up with a start, alone, in an unknown surrounding. She blinked her eyes several times, getting used to the unfamiliar feel of the bed and scent of the sheets. She wasn't scared - no. Looking out through the window, not seeing odious gray buildings and strangers in a rush, Blair felt serene. There was nothing but beauty out there.

''Good morning,'' Chuck entered the bedroom, sitting down on the bed next to her.

She let him peck her with a kiss, smelling the delicious scent of coffee on his sweater. ''Good morning. What time is it?''

''What do we care?'' he shrugged, smiling down at her, his good mood only seeming to increase since yesterday.

''Maybe I should call my father,'' she murmured quietly, pressing her face further into the pillow, hating to interrupt their ideal moment with ramblings of an indecisive, frantic mind. ''I think. I don't know, I'm scared.''

''Please,'' he grabbed her shoulder and gently rolled her over to face him. ''Don't start the day with fear.''

''No, no,'' she rose on her elbows to put her arms around his neck. ''I'm happy, I promise. I just... I'm not used to feeling this relaxed.''

Chuck sighed and stroked her cheek, looking out at the freshly fallen snow. ''We'll get up now and have breakfast together. Then we'll take a walk, get some fresh air. After that, we'll do whatever you want to. Okay?''

Reluctantly, she nodded. Chuck kissed her forehead and got up, leaving her to huddle beneath the duvet in search of a warmth.

''I'll go and ask the owner if there's a shop nearby or something'' he said as he left the room. Even now from the bed, Blair could hear the sound of front doors being opened, could feel the cold wind sneak in the cabin, could hear the song of the birds greeting the morning.

But soon enough, Chuck came back grinning, not having left the house and in his hands was a large tray with steaming tea, bread, jam and a butter - and a lovely card from the owners.

* * *

''Mary?'' the old man came as fast as he could, lowering down his glasses, finger pointing at the picture in the papers. ''Isn't this the boy from last night?''

Mary, setting her knitting aside, took the papers from her husband and borrowed his glasses. ''High-society womanizer kidnapped a girl'' she read out loud, squinting her eyes. ''Son of a famous businessman, Bart Bass, Chuck Bass was charged with the kidnapping of his school mate. Janitor's family had reported the young playboy to the police. The Bass family has yet to release a statement.''

''Oh, my,'' she finished in shock, staring at the picture of Chuck Bass next to the article. The old couple was distracted with a sound as the said couple, bundled in coats, left the cabin for a stroll. They regarded them, especially the way they held hands, but then again - the girl had bruises and cuts all over her face.

''What are we going to do?'' Mary gasped, quite frightened to be sheltering a criminal and helping him hide his victim.

''We'll do our duty'' the old man said, puffing out his chest, his lips pursing as he noticed the kidnapper was sauntering around with the poor girl, coming their way. ''We'll save her.''

''Good morning,'' Blair chirped and was met with deathly silence. Then she noticed the grave look on the owner's face, the way woman clutched the papers, glaring at Chuck.

Only then had she seen Chuck's face and the headline. Chuck paled, seeing himself accused a criminal, someone to be publicly searched to be sent to jail. He turned to Blair, ready to take her hand and escape somewhere else, but she pulled away. Crease at her forehead told him they weren't going anywhere - not if you ask her. Blair flashed him a meaningful look, telling him silently she was sick of running.

And then Blair turned to the owners and told them what happened. These people let them into their home and they needed to know the truth. They heard the story of their love, of their heartbreak and of their families. When she was done, Mary had tears in her eyes and even her husband turned away to wipe at his forehead. They promised to keep their secret and with honest hearts, wished them to enjoy days here - where nobody will ever find them.

''Great,'' Blair kicked a small pile of snow as they walked away, cloud over her brow. ''Now police is involved. Our families must have met somehow, ripping at each other's throats.''

''I honestly don't care what they're doing,'' Chuck shrugged airily, tightening a knitted shawl they found in the closet in the cabin, around her neck. ''Police will come? Let them come. We're two consenting adults. What are they going to do?''

* * *

''Because of this silly situation,'' Evelyn delicately cleared her throat, looking him square at his weathered, worn-out face, forcing herself not to feel sorry for him. ''We are, as much as you, unhappy and unfortunate. If we had this conversation earlier, maybe this wouldn't have happened.''

''What makes it so unfortunate for you, Mrs Evelyn?'' Bob asked gravely, looking at the unwelcome guests that rudely made a step through the doorstep - but no further - refusing every hospitality. His daughter was kidnapped, taken away by their hedonistic crooked son, and they thought themselves to be unfortunate? Was their son in danger, like his daughter? Was he in danger of someone hurting him, defiling him, corrupting him? ''Your son took my daughter away.''

''I myself think your daughter schemed all of this mess'' Evelyn stated with pursed lips. pushing away any feeling that told her to feel sorry for this poor, old man - but she knew better. Evelyn knew of Blair lies and traps she had the skill to set up with such perfection - traps her son had the sense to unknowingly fall into.

''You son had taken my daughter away'' Bob grit through his teeth, the vein on his head pulsating.

''My son,'' Evelyn calmly replied, part of her frustrated at the silence of her ex-husband that stoically stood next to her, doing nothing. ''Charles would never take anyone by force. If this too isn't conspiracy of your family'' she stole a glance at Jessica, ''I bet it was your daughter's plan all along.''

''Listen here, lady'' Jessica shot up, feeling herself personally offended. ''Your precious son barged in here like a criminal, demanding to know where Blair was-''

Bob put his hand up, effectively silencing her, wanting to avoid open fire. His tired eyes reverted to the odiously glamorous newcomers. ''Have you no honor? No respect? No conscience?''

''Before this gets uglier,'' Bart Bass clipped, having enough. He nodded at the spread newspapers on the table, Chuck's picture looking at them. ''Tell me how much you want. I'll pay in cash so you can find your lunatic daughter and get the hell out of here.''

''What are you talking about?'' Bob grit through his teeth, clutching rosemary in his fist. ''You think your money can buy the honor and pride of my daughter and my family? You pathetic man!''

''Pride?'' Bart sneered his upper lip curling. ''With this news, the only thing you'll get is fame at the bar on the corner. But for us?'' he motioned to his ex-wife proudly. ''We have a prominent last name. We can't have these kinds of news. It's about reputation.''

''My daughter is gone,'' Bob grit through his teeth, feeling his heart hammer painfully. ''And you're talking about your reputation?''

''You should have kept a better eye on your kid then,'' Bart struck, angry that this fool refused to take money, refuse to settle this peacefully.

''How dare you-''

''She has my son around her little finger, did you know that?'' he continued to taunt, ignoring Evelyn's hand around his arm, tightening and pulling him back towards the door.

''Get out of my house!'' Bob yelled, clutching his heart, his chest hurting. ''Get out!''

* * *

''You're doing very well, pumpkin,'' Mary smiled, wiping her hands on her apron.

''Am I?'' Blair looked up eagerly, her hands busy with kneading dough.

''Of course, honey,'' she cooed, turning to wink at Chuck who was leaning on the counter, watching Blair as she worked at the table. ''You'll never go hungry with your loved one. Take this girl before someone else does! ''

Chuck grinned, lowering his head, but Blair managed to see blush before he hid it and she laughed, laughed at the fact this old lady managed to embarrass grand Chuck Bass.

''Let's see how it tastes like,'' he teased as she continued to poke her tongue at him while Mary wasn't looking.

''It's just dough,'' she rolled her eyes, pressing her weight on the wooden rolling pin. ''Not French cheese collection.''

Chuck sauntered over and took a small piece out of a perfect circle she just flattened.

''Aunt Mary! Tell him off!'' she pouted, staring at her mutilated circle. ''He's ruining it!''

Chuck smiled while Mary laughed, and he sneaked up on Blair's other side, stealing another piece of dough. Blair pressed her lips together, annoyed that he ruined the perfection she single-handedly made, and raised the rolling pin in threat. Chuck froze, pulling his hands up in surrender and the old lady with them snickered at their childlike love.

''Ah, youth'' Mary sighed as she left the kitchen, passing her husband who was soundly asleep on the sofa in the living room and she disappeared out to gather more woods.

The smell of green tea spread through the place, and snow started to fall somewhere around noon, gathering on the window sill. Blair pressed the rolling pin, fixing her circle, starting all over again.

''We're at a beautiful place'' she said, rubbing the side of her face with her wrist as it itched. ''I wish none of the things happened. I wish I can relax completely.''

''You will,'' he assured, brushing the flour that caught at her cheek. ''We have all the time you want. We'll get back here when things calm down, I promise.''

They made dinner as Chuck set up the plates and soon enough, everyone was at the table - passing dishes, pouring mineral water, handing out napkins. The apple pie came the last and Mary served them each a piece as he asked curiously, ''How long have you been together?''

''Fifty-five years,'' Eugene answered in a second, Mary's husband, his murky eyes twinkling under the light. Fifty-five years he had said, in such tone of voice, it suggested fifty-five days instead.

''That's an entire life.'' Blair gasped, remembering her very own parents - always so reserved, modest, placid. They were never so openly comfortable with each other like the elderly couple in front on her.

''Fifty-five years'' he nodded at them, smile hidden under the brush of his mustache. ''One life, two hearts.''

''Don't mind his sweet talk'' Mary rolled her eyes, looking at the young couple with a phlegmatic look. ''He was a womanizer back in his days. Drove me crazy more times than I can count.''

''Don't mind her,'' Eugene winked cheekily, twirling his end of his gray mustache. ''I nearly lost both of my legs with all the running after her. It seemed impossible to catch up to her. But I did, and I got to keep my legs.''

''Oh, Oli,'' Mary patted his cheek lovingly, stray hairs falling out of her bun as she laughed and the young couple stared at them in amazement. It seemed they were still in their honeymoon phase, as if they could never, would never, get bored of each other.

''The pair of you look very happy,'' Blair commented, something playing with cords of her heart.

''My pumpkin,'' Mary shook her head, wiping away corners of her wrinkled eyes. ''Where there is love, there is happiness. Love is love, even when it hurts.''

After the meal was done, they offered to help clean up, but Mary shooed them away, assuring them Eugene would do it since he slept through the dinner preparations. Quite full and content, bundled up in their coats, Blair and Chuck walked out for a stroll, moon following them in thoughtful silence.

''They're so adorable,'' Blair beamed, her hand hidden in his coat pocket, drunk on the idea of growing old with someone and sharing your life together.

''And they look like us'' Chuck added, rolling a piece of snow in his hands as they sauntered through the front yard, his mind on the same page as hers. ''Gentle, troublesome, but sweet lady. And a cool guy who led a stormy, turbulent life.''

''Or we could say it like this,'' she piqued, eyebrow raised in challenge. ''Troublesome, tricky old man and charming lady that kept all of her elegance.''

Chuck cocked his head, watching in silent reverence as Blair frolicked around, twirling under the moonlight, wearing dreamy look. How free had she looked in that moment. How bewitching. His heart ached, wishing to see her like this every day, every hour, every second.

''We'll be like them in several years'' he breathed out, some ancient instinct - instinct of the gods that once walked this earth - instilled confidence in this meditation.

''You'll be the troublesome one,'' she stopped to look at him under her lashes, smiling slyly. Deep down, elation that could not be put into words overwhelmed her, elation as she realized he wanted the same thing. He wanted to grow old with her too. Just as she turned away from him to hide a blush - something hit her back. She gasped, turning around to see crushed snowball on the floor and Chuck whistling to himself, looking up at the sky in faux innocence.

''Oh, no you won't!'' she leaned down and quickly made a ball herself, hitting him square in the shoulder as he tried to duck.

''I already did!'' He quickly retaliated and before she knew it, there was snow in her hair, chilling tingling of glow on her skin and pure happiness filling her up to the brim, overflowing to glaze the yard in magic.

Blair watched them in slow motion, saw Chuck as he caught her snowball midair, throwing his head back with a delighted, boyish chuckle. Sometimes, she thought she saw him grow wings, but then she blinked and they were gone. Their laughter echoed in the night, as the firm embrace of darkness surrounded them, they could feel nothing but joy. Blair realized then - no - maybe just remembered, that she would still love him. If the world stopped spinning, if heaven and hell tear them apart, if he ever forgot her - Blair would still love Chuck.

* * *

''I kept trying to tell you,'' Blair murmured, staring down at her hands. Her muscles ached deliciously, body tired after throwing around in the snow all day. They had taken a bath together - took a bit longer than usual - and were now enjoying the tranquility of the evening. Though weather calmed down, their souls stirred, preparing to pass through the storm of fire. She was huddled on a pillowed window sill under a blanket, her legs resting on Chuck's thighs. ''Before that letter, I mean. But I never seemed to be ready.''

''Every time you pushed me away, every time we fought...'' Chuck stared at the willow outside the window, beautifully adorned with clear icicles. ''Even after those lies, I was consumed with pain. It wouldn't go away, no matter what.''

Vanilla scent enveloped them, oozing from the lighted candles around them and Blair stared at his handsome profile, her insides crushing. She wanted to talk about what happened, even initiated the conversation, but if it was possible - without mentioning how much it hurt. She sought the way to care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back in.

''I wanted to hurt you with everything I had,'' he went on, the window misty from his breath. ''With everything I felt for you. I wanted to drown you in my misery.''

''What you believed me to be back then was unbearable,'' Blair said, remembering when he thought her to be gold-digger, a fame-hungry social climber. Just another one of those merciless money-grubbers who would eat hearts just for a smidge more power. She leaned forward and gently touched his chin, turning him to stare at her. ''I never thought you'd look at me again the way you look at me now.''

With adoration, love, bliss.

''I've tried so hard to convince myself to hate you,'' Chuck explained with heavy somberness, taking her hand into his own ''To take my revenge...''

They stared at each other as their secrets spilled from the gloomy, treacherous spaces they kept hidden in themselves. Under the moonlight, they were exposing themselves naked, vulnerable, shedding the ghastly masks they put on to daunt each other - one by one.

''You took away from me the only thing I believed in,'' he whispered in the silent room, not taking his eyes off of her in sheer desperation. ''Yourself. I didn't have anything to hold on to. That's why I clung my rage.''

''It went on for far too long,'' she quietly spoke, looking out at the moon, feeling the leaden weight of the guilt. ''All the horrible things we've done to each other.''

''If I believed you for a second,'' he held his breath, as if preparing himself to unleash the biggest shadow he had been holding in. ''I would have come back to you. Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell you to come back._ Come to me with your lies and your truths, you're mine_. It had been a torture not believe you, but believing meant death.''

''But I knew,'' he added, eyes glinting meaningfully. ''I knew we'd get back together somehow.''

''I thought you hated me,'' her trembling voice broke and a single salty tear escaped her as everything came crashing down on her. He still loved her, even as she lied to him, even as she made him distrust love. Blair knew she walked into his life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there was. He had trust in her, in them, even as that feeling lay broken on the floor of his soul, forgotten and abandoned. But Chuck never seemed to abandon them.

He gathered her in his arms, lowering her head on his chest, shushing her with tender kisses.

''I didn't think we'd ever be together again,'' she sniffled, admitting how pessimistic she had been, how unfaithful and hopeless.

''What did you think?''

''That we were over,'' Blair murmured dejectedly, remembering something that struck her heart each time with more and more fever. ''When I saw you with all those women... Every time you slammed a door in my face... Kicked me out of your apartment... A part of me believed we were over, forever.''

''How did you manage to pull through it?'' he asked perturbed, holding her tighter. ''Every time I saw you, you looked at me with your head raised, as if what happened was barely getting to you.''

''It's because I knew our love didn't go away. It was still there - always. And I forced myself to focus on that, while you kept on seething.''

''Every time I pushed you away,'' Chuck spoke softly, his eyes lost in the turbulent summer they spent, shedding each other's blood. ''I could feel myself going colder, more distant.''

And it had frightened him. Somewhere at the beginning of the autumn - season of passing, a slow demise - he realized his hatred had died partly because he didn't want to end up like his parents; a human machine, selfish, with the tendency to hurt people, carelessly and without remorse. His body didn't have two hearts, one for love and other for hatred. What he had then, it knew only of sorrow and love.

Suddenly, Blair pushed herself away from him and her eyes flickered with lethal fire. ''Were you with that girl you brought home that one night?''

_Yes_, a small pensive voice in him said, the same voice that told him not to do it, not to sleep with that girl. Blind with loathing he felt back then, he ignored it. If only he listened to it.

''There's no need to talk about it'' he brushed her off, looking away.

''Don't,'' Blair small nostrils flared, stormy lightning in her eyes turning to long, blue rivers. ''Tell me. What did you feel while - while - kissing her?''

Seconds ticked away as he kept quiet, looking out on the willow. He could feel her hurt, could taste it on his tongue. What he had to say would only hurt her deeper. Blair grew furious as he ignored the question, clutching her fist, needing to know. She needed to know if he felt anything for that girl, or any other for that matter because Blair couldn't bear if he did. He was hers and sharing him, any part of him, body or heart - it would have crushed her.

''Tell me!''

And he realized he couldn't back away, not now. The final mask needed to be peeled off his face, no matter how painful the motion. He bit his lip, perturbed and growled ''I felt that I hate myself as much as I hated you. I realized how weak and helpless I was.''

And finally, the look at each other's faces, dusty with long time spent hidden in the shadows. Shadows of insecurities, fear, hatred. Finally, they saw each other as they are and everything else vanished, but only love remained. He let out a shaky breath. All this time she was watching him in desperation, drinking in every word he said. Chuck shook away the dark thoughts and, mad with love, he cupped her face, breathing in her perfume.

''You're my strength,'' he implored with frenzied longing, leaning his forehead against hers. Longing that took roots in his soul and he was past the point where he tried to rip it away. Now, Chuck embraced it - embraced the starving need for Blair. ''I'm sorry.''

''No,'' she whimpered, throwing her arms around his neck, hating herself for doubting him, for provoking him, for hurting him. ''_I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry.''

* * *

**A/N**: To all readers to help them get through exams and Monday work ;)


	40. Fairylights

**Chapter Forty**

**Fairylights**

_''If you remember me,_

_Then I don't care if everyone else forgets.''_

* * *

''I can't stand another minute in that damn house!'' Dan's teeth chattered as he huddled in his coat in front of the building.

Jessica had cornered him in the bedroom earlier, demanding to know what actually happened to Blair, wanting to know the specific details of her kidnapping. He had bailed without answering her.

How could he tell her that he had lied to his very own family? To the police? That he was so scared Blair had left with the bastard who would only use her and throw her away? How was he meant to say that his sister had chosen some no-good rich moron over her own brother?

''Chuck would never hurt Blair.'' Morelli looked down at him, not bothering to hide his disdain towards the beaten guy. ''They'll be back. But when they do, you better make sure you give up on the idea of sending her to the country. I found out everything,'' his eyes flashed, fists clutched at sides as he learned what Blair's own brother had done to her. ''You have no right to be playing with her life like that.''

Ominous silence befell them as yesterday's snow crunched under their shoes and shadow passed over Dan's face. Morelli detected a flicker of a heavy emotion as the boy tried to hide the truth from the world and managed to do it well, but there it was - remorse. Fear.

''Chuck won't be able to keep her away forever,'' for some strange reason Morelli felt the need to comfort him, but not Dan - it was a need to comfort a brother who lost his sister. ''Blair won't put up with it much longer.''

''And now I'm supposed to sit back and just wait while she waltzes around with that moron?''

''You're angry.'' Ed noted, wind rustling his sandy hair. There it was, a shade of anger that he himself felt knowing that Blair had willingly run away with Chuck. Despair mixed with grief. But Morelli knew he had no right to impose himself on her. All he could do right now was was try to help, he owed that much to her. And it would be all he would do - until she told him otherwise.

''I understand that. Everyone is already looking for them, including the police. But Blair is an adult. You wanted to send her away?'' he lowered his voice, trying to control an infuriation that only grew as he imagined the pain she had suffered through due to her family. ''You dragged her into a life she never wanted. If she willingly ran away from all of this, you have no - I mean it, Dan - you have absolutely no right to do this to her.''

''Forget Chuck,'' he continued after calming down, taking a deep breath. ''Hell, forget Blair too. Just think about your father. You know he has a weak heart. You know what's all of this doing to him.''

''So you think she had a right to run away with that guy?'' Dan grit angrily through his teeth. ''To do this to us? This is about respect. My family puts nothing above respect, not even God.''

''I can't talk to you about respect.'' replied Morelli in distaste, thinking about how little the fool knew of respect - he who dared to strike his own sister, dared to strike someone weaker than him? Dared to believe he could control Blair's life as if he owned her? The boy was blinded with jealousy of wealth which smiled upon Blair. The wealth of love, of happiness, and even success according to her academic reports. How easy was to be angry at everyone but oneself. ''Go home and ask yourself if you have any right to do this to your own father.''

Dan bit his lip, turning back and taking Morelli's advice - his father deserved to know the truth. The police needed to cease their efforts. Everything needed to be halted.

Everyone needed to know Blair wasn't kidnapped, they need to know she had willingly escaped with Chuck Bass.

And that fact tore Dan apart, not because he would be painting Blair in a bad light, but because deep, deep down - he knew that his father would never forgive Blair for it. This was something that would break their rapidly dissolving family even further apart, past the brink of survival. It was a one-way alley, with no chance of return, and Dan failed to avoid taking it.

He had failed to protect his sister - in every way imaginable.

* * *

''They withdrew the lawsuit last night,'' Bart smirked, propping a glass of scotch against his knee. He eyed off the Sparks apartment, far too pink and kitsch for his liking. It was painfully obvious no man lived there. ''He stated his daughter had fled willingly, dumbass.''

''I understand it puts you at ease,'' Diana clasped her freshly manicured hands. ''Regarding the legal issues. But aren't you too calm about this matter? Isn't it bad enough Chuck ran away with that no-good girl?''

Bart scoffed, taking a last sip and setting the empty glass on the table. ''That escapade won't last long. Upon my word, the affair will be short lived. He is doing this just to spite me, nothing more. I say let him enjoy while's he's at it. He can have his fun now and before long he'll move to something else.''

Vividly perturbed with this parenting policy, though she was far from realizing how very similar it was also her own practice, Diana nodded sympathetically as they rose together and took a leave to go. The elevator was short and devoid of incessant small talk, her lover's trait which she was very much fond of.

''What's the matter, Sir?'' he called out loud upon reaching the lobby. ''Tail between your legs?''

A need to gloat, that was one of the traits she detested - but at the same time a trait she was very much used in men. If only they could learn to keep their mouths shut when the situation demanded it.

''You finally realized what a circus your daughter made?'' Bart prodded as hunched Bob passed them, the old man's head bent down, a sad sorrowful look on his weathered face.

''Bart...'' Diana put a delicate hand on his shoulder, her socialite instincts begging for discretion. ''Please.''

''Your daughter sunk her claws into my son,'' he went on, ignoring his girlfriend, for only one woman managed to get through to Bart Bass and her name was not Diana. ''She enjoys the lavishing life he affords, and now you despicable, worthless people dare to drag our name through the papers?''

''I'll shove those papers down your throat!'' suddenly yelled out by a furious Bob, as he seized the tall gentleman by the collar and shoved him against the wall.

Bob was alone, abandoned, lied to by his very own son. He realized he had no one. His own wife abandoned him and any control he had was slipping through his fingers.

''Jessica!'' Diana screeched, running down to the doors of the basement, silently cursing the entire existence of men. ''Jessica!''

''Listen to me carefully now!'' Bob spat, growing closer to the vile polished shine of the wealthy, affluent man, from the refined mask glued to his face and greed embedded in his skin. He was nothing but an abomination of men that had once walked the earth all mighty in their glory and honor. They lived by the laws of their nature, respected all life and had faith in heavens. Their hearts were pure and uncorrupted. But Bob realized those days were gone and those men long died, one by one.

''I have sixty-five years in my sleeve. I saw what I could on this world, lived long enough. The only thing I care about, is the world on the other side. If I hear you insult my daughter like that again,'' he threatened, getting closer to the shadow of a man. ''I will make you pay. Understood?''

* * *

Blair had been woken up by the stinging frost that morning. Icy fingers seeped over her naked skin, climbing up the leg that hugged the duvet, across the exposed thigh and settling over the edge of her barren shoulders. She sleepily fluttered her eyelashes, stretching an arm over to the other side of the bed in an effort to seek the warmth of Chuck's body as she always did when the temperature dropped a few degrees.

''Babe?'' she muttered upon feeling nothing but the damp cold feeling of the sheets. Her limbs still deliciously ached from a whole night of lovemaking, as it did every morning, after every night of passion.

It was strange, he usually rose early to start a fire. Sometimes he'd come back to bed, other times he'd simply watch her sleep from across the sofa.

She strained her ears upon detecting the oddly quiet silence. There was no soft bustle in the kitchen, no distinct crackling of the burning wood, no low murmur. Actually, there was nothing except an acute sense of deafening absence. Suddenly seized with panic, she struck her eyes open and quickly shot up from the bed. The sofa was vacant.

''Chuck?'' her voice echoed and she shivered, pulling a cover up to her chin - waiting for a reply.

Minutes ticked by as nothing happened. Her heart beat wildly as she quickly put on an oversized knitted sweater from the closet that smelled of him.

''Chuck?!'' she cried out once again while searching every room of the cabin. Ash in the fireplace was cold. The teapot was left untouched. He wasn't there. His clothes were gone. His shoes too. There was no note, something he'd usually write before going out to get more logs or something. Blair swung open the cabin doors and cold wind rushed in uninvited, swirl of snowflakes hiding every trace of morning's footsteps.

For some reason, her whole body shook and it had little to do with the frost. Some higher force was telling her something wasn't right. Barefoot, she ran out on freshly fallen snow. Anxiety in her chest came to a full crescendo as she saw the car was gone. It was so cold her eyes stung and tears blurred her vision as if wanting to delay her of whatever quest she had.

Naked skin burning, she angrily wiped eyes with the ends of her sleeves and started running towards cabin of the owners. Her knees trembled as she clutched her sleeve in her fist and beat urgently on their doors. ''Anybody here?'' she wheezed, choking in tears as the nightmare turned to reality. Nobody answered.

Because nobody was there. Chuck left. She was all alone.

The morning was spent in berserk pacing of the cabin, hiding under the covers and multiple unsuccessful attempts to light the fire. The cabin was chilly and empty. It felt unwelcome without him. Had he left her? Was he missing? Did something happen? Was everything but a dream?

She was cold, despite the absurd amount of clothes she put on. She was hungry, but had no appetite to eat. And ultimately - Blair was devastatingly terrified, and depression set in. Finally, after what only felt like hours, doors swung open and he walked in as if having not a care in the world, shaking out snow from his dark raven hair.

''Where were you?'' she demanded after the shocking blow, hysterically pushing herself off the chair as he came closer, a stupid silly grin etched into his stupid face.

How dare he smile? How dare he walk up to her, looking breezy and triumphant, while she had been dead terrified? As he finally showed up, tears of relief sprang up in her eyes. A multitude of emotions enveloped her, almost overwhelmingly so, she felt like hugging him, slapping him, and drowning him in kisses all at the same time.

''I've been waiting for you for hours, where have you been?'' she threw a mug on the floor in frustration as he took no notice of her distress, hating that her voice was breaking. It fell with a loud crash, breaking into dozens of sharp pieces and Chuck froze in surprise. She hated herself, hated how obvious it was that she was dependent on him. She was supposed to be an island - a self-sufficient, confident woman. Blair didn't want to feel like this, like some vital part of her had been ripped at the tormenting thought of being without him.

His smug smile dropped down, worrisome grimace replacing it, and she marveled at it, marveled as her tears disappeared and as he finally realized he messed up.

''Why didn't you wake me up when you left?'' she grabbed a pine nut from the bowl on the table and hurled it at him, but the bastard managed to duck on time. It crashed into the wall and fell down, rolling under the vintage mahogany cupboard.

''You thought I left you?'' he raised his brows in disbelief, slowly rising up and glancing at the clock.

''Are you an idiot?'' Blair snapped in irritation, piffing another nut at his face and missing him by a fat chance. ''I was this close to calling the police and organizing a search party!''

''You looked so peaceful while you slept.'' he dropped bags he appeared to be carrying and put his hands up in surrender. She scoffed, only now noticing those bags and crossed her arms - part of her wanting to kick him out to spend the night freezing himself the way she had. Another part ached for him, wanted him back, wanted him as close as humanly possible.

Chuck took tentative steps as those two wolves in her battled fiercely. As it goes, the wolf you feed the most wins and Chuck was able to wrap his arms around her waist without her struggling too much. He kissed the top of her nose as she seethed, ignoring the furious look on her face. ''I didn't want to wake you up. I'm sorry I didn't light the fire, I was in a hurry to get the groceries before the store closed.''

She eyed the contents of his bag, like Sherlock inspecting the evidence, and came to an absurd conclusion. ''You spent all this time buying this?'

''You're cute when you get angry,'' he had a nerve to wink, avoiding the question, kissing her jaw, his lips dipping down to the crook of her neck.

''Tell me where you went!'' she pressed on, trying to push him away, sniffing the traces of a scheme with expertise. Blair knew he was trying to distract her - but why? What was he trying to distract her from? ''It is impossible you spent all this time shopping for these few items.''

He paused, his lips hesitantly lingering on her skin, knowing she was unto him.

''Wait until dinner.'' his hot breath fueled something within her, sultriness of his words starting the fire she had a hard time saying no to. ''I'm sorry for today, but please wait - I promise I'll make it worth your while.''

''What about lunch?''

''We're having it in bed'' he whispered and grabbed her thighs, pulling her up to him. She yelped in surprise, hugging her knees around his waist for support. And then his lips were on hers, kissing wildly, kissing until they couldn't breathe, until they were one. The scheme was far out of her mind, everything else forgiven and forgotten - just as he wanted it.

* * *

''Get dressed.'' he kissed her forehead hastily, handing her the sweater. There was nervousness about him, something adorably shy in the manner he would randomly space out - as if he was thinking hard about something incomprehensible, something delicate, something grand that his life depended on. ''We really need to hurry.''

''You've said that dozen of times in past half an hour.'' she rolled her eyes, lazily putting on thick fluffy socks.

''And each time you managed to mislead me from the main plan'' he breathlessly roamed about the room, lifting up the covers, kneeling down to search for his shirt on the floor. ''I'll get you for that later.''

''How about you get me for it now?'' Blair seductively growled, grabbing shirt hanging from the bed frame and pulling him back from under the bed.

''Thanks,'' Chuck exhaled loudly, avoiding her pursed lips. He ignored her pouting face, took the shirt and quickly put it on. ''Now please hurry. I can't have you naked.''

''Why not?'' she struck up defensively, admiring her curves in the mirror. ''As if you'd mind. You're no fun today, Bass.''

''Just trust me, Blair,'' he sighed, peeking his head through the doors and quickly shutting them closed again. ''You'll thank me later.''

Chuck had blindfolded her, after he managed to convince her it was imperative she put on her coat, gloves, and a scarf. He refused to answer any question she shot his way, but a part of her discerned he didn't even hear them. She sensed he was nervous, apprehensive and wanted to relax him with lame fifty shades of grey jokes. It didn't help. Chuck's hands firmly held her, but his breath was shaky, sentences nearly stuttered through.

''It's cold out.'' she said while her mind took a wavering flashback and traveled to helicopter ride he had once taken her to. It was a year ago, when they looked down at snow covered Manhattan from the air. Her guts did somersaults as she remembered what happened then, when they had first big fight that had split them apart for months. ''Good thing I'm not naked-''

And then the blindfold was off, her eyes blinking against the light of candles in rowed jars, enlightening the path to backyard gazebo. There was more light in the far gazebo and she noted two moving shadows. Snow fell in a flurry, but luminous brightness remained intact, managing to enhance the beauty of the scene further. It was poetic, the way night covered the sky in a blue sheet and every color gained mellow hue, something that belongs to a fairytale. Stars twinkled above them, watching what was going on in silent trepidation.

Chuck took her hand, look down at her with an ardor that made her knees tremble and it finally all made sense.

''Blair,'' he took a deep breath, lowering himself to one knee, his voice confident despite uncertainty in his onyx eyes. ''Right now - I don't have a ring, I don't have a car, or a fancy suit. In fact, right now, I have nothing to offer you. Nothing except myself. I know I've brought you to fait accompli with this. If you were to say no and decided to run away there's no civilization for miles around. But I'm asking you - no, I'm begging you - marry me.''

Blair didn't realize she was shaking. She didn't notice tears glazing his eyes, because the grin on his face took all of her attention. There was something magnetic in the way his lips spread around his teeth - that ridiculously cute boyish smile she fell hard for took every grain of her sanity.

Was it sane to even think about marrying him? No, it wasn't. It was absolutely crazy, reckless and stupid. It would ruin every chance of reconciliation with either of their families. It would be something that would tie her to him forever.

And Blair wanted him forever. She wanted to be there with him, every possible moment. Spending with him every second of the day these past few weeks, she learned she couldn't get enough of the enigma that was Chuck Bass. There was nobody else for her, he was her everything - her day and night. And finally, her wishes came true. Finally, he was asking her to be his everything too.

It may have been hard to say yes, but it was impossible to say no.

''Marry me here,'' he went on passionately as she stood in stunned silence, taking her other hand, his cheeks red with animation and cold. There was once again fire in his eyes, that undying mad love he felt for her. She watched him mesmerized, as he talked, as he said all the words she so longed to hear. ''Marry me in this forsaken land where there's not a soul to be seen. Marry me now, while the snow falls, while our fingers are numb and teeth chattering. Marry me like this, in someone else's old coats, winter boots - my hand in yours. Will you take this path with me? Will you let me be there by your side - forever? I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm not settling for any less.''

''I will.'' she nearly sobbed with joy, jumping into his arms, their cold lips crashing in a single blazing kiss that melted off every snowflake on the planet. And he had carried her bridal style to the gazebo, through the path of fairy lights, whispering 'I love you' again and again.

And it all made sense why nobody was there that day. Eugene was out getting his license to get them married, to get the proper papers and forms to execute the ceremony. Mary was out shopping for the lights, jars, peonies that sat in the middle of the table - defying winter with beauty. And Chuck was out getting groceries for dinner that Mary cooked for them, awaiting them in the kitchen after the ceremony.

''My heart will always beat for you,'' Chuck whispered at the end of the ceremony as they placed their signature at the bottom of the page. Their neighbors clapped and wiped tears they tried to hard so well. ''As it does now. No matter what, Blair Bass.''

And shiver passed them both at the sound of that name, few letters engraving their secret desires and making that exuberantly high spirit impossible to steal, destroy or take away.

''I love you.'' her voice shook with happiness that wasn't humanly possible, that didn't belong in real life - in her life. ''I will always love you.'' she finished as he lifted up lacy vintage veil borrowed from Mary and this time, they took their time, looking at each other's eyes. They had been through so much, through so much pain and suffering - and they deserved this. Years of love and hate stood behind them, time of separation and final union. Tonight, it was just the two of them.

Just one step was all it took to get them to the long-awaited other side of life and they kissed, sealing that last page they needed to turn to finish the chapter, as snow drifted around them and fairies glowed in the breaking night.

For the first time that night, they made love as a husband and wife. They took their time, savoring the way their bodies fit against each other - as if they had always been made to belong together. It felt so natural to be with him, as natural as it was to drink when we're thirsty, to feel joy at the sight of the sun. It was a night full of sighs, moans, and declarations of love, under the gaze of the stars. The change was in the air of the darkened bedroom, opening the gates to the rest of their lives.

* * *

The morning wasn't tired or gloomy. After days of murky clouds, beams of sunshine broke out and shone upon them, like late guests to a joyous occasion. Chuck sighed contentedly, rolling to her side, surprised to find her awake and staring up at the ceiling, slight crease on her forehead.

''Mrs. Bass.'' he smirked, snuggling up closer to her.

''Mr. Bass'' she greeted brightly, but her smile was somehow off-beat, her eyes strangely glazed. Her brows knotted slightly and she closed her eyes, parting lips just slightly. Her voice was a well of melancholy and nostalgia when she said, ''I wish we could grow old here. I wish we could have kids and stay here forever.''

''Why not?'' Chuck replied readily, drunk on the idea, kissing the top of her shoulder in devoted affection.

''We can't,'' she stated briskly, turning to look back at the ceiling with that unwelcome, bizarre glower. ''We have classes and our family to think of. Our future. Our whole life.'' He opened his mouth to declare something, but she cut him short. ''Yes, I know what you're going to say. But we can't keep hiding out here, babe. I know it will be hard, but when was it ever easy for us?''

''Last night was magical, it was beyond beautiful,'' she replied after few moments of intense silence, reverting to look at him and he noticed the small familiar chunk of the storm Blair always carried within. ''I just - I never imagined it would go like this.''

''Like what?'' he furrowed his brow in concern, rubbing his eyes to get a better look at her.

''Without the knowledge of my parents,'' she quietly replied, twiddling her thumbs. All of a sudden, violent tremor passed through her body and Blair broke down in tears, hiding her head in the pillow. Fabric muffled her sobs as she wept, furiously clutching the sheets in her fists

''Blair,'' he called out in agitation, dumbfounded with the turbulent change of attitude. ''Blair, love-''

Chuck rubbed her back in soothing motions as his wife gave no sign she heard him. He gingerly swept back the hair from her wet cheeks, shushing her quietly, sudden fear that she regretted last night's decision striking him like a canon ball. He firmly braced himself against the blow, understanding her if she backed out, but very much decided to help her calm down - no matter what.

''Blair,'' he tried again this time, gently rolling her to face him. He frowned at her puffy face, grieved that she was going through this. ''What's wrong?''

''I called my dad while you were sleeping,'' she managed to blurt out before bursting into another fresh wave of tears, burying her head in his chest. Chuck imperceptibly shook his head in disapproval, but Blair felt the motion - even predicted it. Chuck already disfavored her parents, and that was without knowing they were not her biological mother and father. What would he think of them if he knew she was adopted? Maybe it was best if that fact was omitted.

How could he ever know how grateful she was they took her in? How despite bad things that happened, they always showered her with love and affection? Until she abused their trust and corrupted everything around her with lies.

''My dad hung up on me'' she sniffled, wiping her eyes roughly. ''He hung up on me as soon as he heard my voice. He'll never forgive me.''

''Do you want to call your mother?'' he offered kindly, gently rocking her to ease her distress and stop her from shaking like a frightened bird in his arms. Chuck knew Jane could always make her daughter feel better. ''Do you want us to go meet her?''

''No!" she nearly shouted, pushing herself away to look him in the eyes with imperative, burning glare. There was absolute resolution in her brown orbs and something told Chuck the honeymoon phase was over.

''No.'' she adamantly continued, calming down as abruptly as the wind dies over the mountain tops. The coldness of demeanor covered over her, choking every emotion and effectively shutting off every agony.

''That's impossible. This is something that we can't talk about over the phone. But we can't come up there to tell her either. You don't know what's country like. Everyone will see. Everyone will talk. It will reach as far as Manhattan before we set foot in Wyoming.''

''What do you want us to do then?'' he quietly asked, intensely aware of that word - us - a word around which the whole planet revolved. A word people killed for. ''I'll be by your side, regardless of your decision. I love you, you know that.''

''There's no other choice'' her eyes darkened as she looked out at the rising sun. ''We'll have to go back to Manhattan. We need to go back and fight.''

* * *

_A/N: Merry Christmas! I hope you're enjoying your holidays. New update after New Year's Eve. I would love love love to read your reviews x_


	41. Bad Blood

**Chapter Forty-One**

**Bad Blood**

_''We all have one foot in a _fairytale_,_

_And the other in the abyss.''_

* * *

''I'm here not to discuss matters at hand,'' Bart spoke clearly, skimming through papers in front of him. ''It's about Tropic-''

At that very moment, the meeting was interrupted by a figure storming into the spacious office. Bart stiffened at the sight of his renegade son, but the words Chuck consequently uttered were nothing more than a continuation of series of heavy disappointments he kept inflicting on his family.

''You'll drop charges.'' Chuck demanded vehemently, ignoring everyone else in the room, though it was filled with important Manhattan businessmen invested in notable Millennium - Tropic partnership. ''Immediately.''

''Get out.'' his father spat demandingly, looking at him in disdain. The idiot was still hung on the janitor's family. What an utter embarrassment. Not even his brief escapade had managed to flush the damned girl out of his system. How stupid was he? Bart smiled imperceptibly, for a pang of sadistic pleasure struck him as he thought of that triumphant lawsuit. Did those moronic mundanes really think they could drag the Bass name through the mud without repercussions?

''You'll drop them!'' his son slammed his fist on the table upon detecting the smug expression of his father, his eyes blazing that fire Bart often saw in his ex-wife. The son and the mother sometimes suffered the same violent temper, smoothed over with elegant sleek manners. Something in him stirred unpleasantly. He said nothing as Diana dialed reception and summoned forth the security, letting her make the call.

''This is the last time you're making a scene.'' Bart calmly replied after she was done, recognizing the right time to instill some fierceness in his speech - aware that all eyes are trained on him. He couldn't just let this outburst slide, especially not with an audience, and was sure that even if Chuck was dumb enough to retaliate, security would already be kicking him out. ''I've had it with your attitude.''

''Are you threatening me?'' Chuck spat in a low voice, looking down at his father in a way no son should be allowed to. With scorn, with aversion. ''With what?! What do I have to lose?''

''Money?'' he went on more loudly as Bart shifted his shoulders in vivid discomfort. ''Power? My father?''

There ensued an awkward pause after that heavy word, a word which carried so much meaning and yet, in the end, meant nothing at all. At that moment, security came and Chuck proudly straightened himself, his nostrils flaring in fury. ''I'll make my own money. I don't need yours.''

So typical of Bart Bass to buy his way into love and after that to blackmail you with it. So typical, so crushing, so disappointing.

''As if you were ever even a father.''

''What are you waiting for? Escort him out.'' Bart sharply spoke, nervously rolling a pen in his hand, making an effort to stay calm under his son's intense gaze. A gaze that said '_You can pretend here, in front of these clowns that don't know you, but I know you. You can't pretend with me_.'

''Please,'' a young guard in a dark black suit gestured towards doors, a hand on his earpiece, keeping his respectful distance, knowing all to well about the great Chuck Bass. ''Sir, please.''

With last disgusted glance at Diana, Chuck left the office.

* * *

It was already night when they passed the Williamsburg bridge and entered Manhattan. The stars had disappeared behind a thick curtain of smog, the stale air hung heavy and suffocating. The familiar blur of city lights, ones she had almost forgotten about, ran past her sleepy eyes. Dazed, she watched the rush of loud traffic and shadows of people on the sidewalk, all the while holding Chuck's hand.

The scene felt grim. It was too crowded, too bright, too noisy. It almost felt like Manhattan didn't want them here, as if it resented their elopement into the beautiful, untouched country.

But Chuck felt her unease and squeezed her fingers lightly, drawing her to his chest. Sighing, she closed her eyes and, worn out with journey and fatigue, fell asleep.

Blair was awoken by the irritating ringing of the doorbell. Groggily, she rubbed her eyes and sat up. Without warning, walls spun around her in infinite vertigo. Her eyes fluttered against the breaking light between purple silken curtains, world slowing down and finally staying still. She froze as disorientation took over, having no recollection of the unfamiliar room she stood in.

Was it a dream? She was so used to the cabin after the past few days, her brain had forgotten they had come back to New York. The ringing of the doorbell once again recommenced, shaking her out of momentary confusion. Blair flung the silken covers away, only now recognizing Chuck's old apartment - a penthouse in San Remo. It had been months since she had last come to the place. Her heart skipped a beat in trepidation.

She quickly snatched a bathrobe from the hanger and covered her half-naked body. Affectionate warmth flooded over her body as snippets of last night settled in through the curtain of fatigue; Chuck carrying her sleeping body, Chuck gently undressing her, Chuck kissing her forehead and tucking her in.

How she loved him, no words could describe. But where was he?

Who was at the doors then? Who knew they had come back? Was it Nate?

Musing, she warily opened the doors and was shocked to find furious Evelyn on the other side.

''_You_.'' Evelyn said with poorly hidden contempt. ''Of course you'd be here.''

The woman, clad in an elegant rose-colored wool coat, shouldered past her and stalked into the apartment. Though her voice appeared stable, her eyes were narrowed in a solid glower.

''Chuck isn't here though,'' Blair brushed her off, struggling hard to sound airy. She was painfully aware of heavy disadvantage at hand: still undressed even though the hour just struck noon, sporting awful case of bed hair and eyes puffy from sleep. All in all, Blair looked like Amanda Bynes in 2014. ''I think it's best we don't speak.''

''I don't care what you think,'' the woman's dark eyes flashed, her gloved hands clutching a Chanel purse. ''Don't you dare try to emotionally blackmail me. Whatever happened is all your own doing.''

''You're filled with such hate,'' Blair thought out loud, still clinging to that raw honesty, beauty and simplicity she had experienced out in the country. And for the first time, she saw not elegance in Evelyn, not glamor, nor poise. Instead there was bitterness, resentment and hatred. How could she be like that next to everything she had? How was it possible? ''I can't understand you.''

''Really?'' scoffed Evelyn, raising her perfectly waxed eyebrow. ''I'm the mother of a son you've been making fool of for a year. I won't let you destroy my boy.''

''I'm not destroying him,'' Blair shook her head, pitying her because she had no idea what Chuck and Blair went through. She had no idea of love and hate they experienced to get to the point where they are now - a place of perfect unity. Soul mates. Something a mother should know and should be able to sense. ''You're the one harming him with your anger.''

''Let me explain things to you in a way you'll understand them'' Evelyn smiled tightly, her voice dripping with disdain. ''Chuck will lose everything. We're at the point where situation turned dangerously serious. His father will stop financing him. If you continue with this circus, soon enough he'll lose his last name as well.''

''Mere Chuck, unlike Charles Bass, will be of no use for you'' she finished ominously, crossing arms at her chest.

''I feel sorry for you,'' Blair's upper lip curled in distaste as she eyed the hysterical woman in front of her, a woman that kept downplaying their love, refusing vehemently to accept the truth. ''You don't even know your son. He doesn't care about his last name and the prestige it brings. Yet you don't know that.''

''Before you found out who I really am,'' she went on, building more confidence as her opponent listened in silent rage, but still stood mesmerized with incoming words. ''You told me I helped with your relationship. You were wrong. There was never a relationship to begin with.''

''You've got a lot of nerve, don't you,'' Evelyn hissed, suddenly closing the distance with a short stride, getting into her face. ''Drop the act, we both know what you're after. But you will lose. Listen to me carefully, when Chuck loses - so will you.''

Once again, they thought them to be someone else, a shadow of themselves. They thought them to be materialistic and greedy as they themselves were. They thought them to be selfish and phony. Nobody thought them to be in love.

''You're not even aware you're losing Chuck like this,'' Blair stared at his mother without blinking, willing her to see things in new light. Maybe things have a shot to be fixed, maybe it wasn't too late. ''You're losing him to this hatred. Not me - you.''

And then something happened that struck the late hour, that point when even most refined people let loose the animal in them. When even the most sophisticated, rational people succumb to their unrelenting frustrations and resort to the ways of the cruel brutality. Evelyn slapped Blair, staring at her with blazing fire.

Shocked by the sudden act of violence, Blair pressed her hand to her burning cheek, but had the good sense to refuse to buckle down. She was better than that. Brushing off the viciousness of the attack, she dropped her hands and held her head up high majestically - challenging the seething woman, proving her how wrong she was, in so many different ways.

Evelyn's town car sped off in a smoke just as Chuck's limo pulled into the driveway. He got out of the vehicle, warily watching the disappearing car, catching the familiar license plate. Something quivered in him, a bad feeling stirring down the spine in a creeping scale. He hurried inside the building and up the elevator, finding Blair staring out the window.

It was such an odd sight to see her out of the shabby woolen coat, snow in her hair and cute blush on her smiling cheeks. He couldn't help but feel that coming back to Manhattan was a mistake. They had been here for only a couple of hours, and the trouble had arisen greatly.

''Mother stopped by?'' he inquired, watching her back carefully, loosing his red scarf and popping buttons of his black coat.

''Yes'' Blair's voice sounded somehow distant, but she didn't turn around.

''Did she say something?'' he pressed on while simultaneously ordering brunch. There were no plates in the sink, she must be starving. Was she aware she could order the food by herself? What an idiot he was, he should have told her or written a note. He should have ordered the breakfast so it could have been waiting for her when she awoke.

Chuck Bass had been used to living alone and taking care only of himself, ever since he was a little boy. Things needed to change, he realized. He needed to make an effort in order to make things work. There was so much to learn.

Nevertheless, Chuck sensed trouble, sensed something was off with Blair. His doubts were confirmed the moment he set his hands on her tense shoulders.

''No,'' she meekly whispered, adamantly staring out at the barren Central Park, clouded by mist and grayness. How different this view was, so much different from window at home in the basement. ''Nothing happened.''

But then Chuck turned her around and saw the damned red cheek, faint traces of a palm. Something in him snapped. It was as if a hand encircled his throat and he saw everything bad he tried to protect Blair from, inflicted by his own gentle, delicate mother. There it was, the clear sign of monstrosity his wife suffered - something that belonged on his cheek, not on her beautiful porcelain skin.

''Chuck'' she frantically pleaded as he cursed under his breath, madly grabbing his sleeve as he turned around to go. ''Please, don't-''

''It will only be worse if I don't go'' he barked, pulling his hand away from her grip, stubborn in resolving this. White flashing light of rage blinded him and he thought he could tear down the Olympus with his bare hands.

''Chuck, please?'' she resorted to throwing herself at his chest and encircling his waist. He exhaled loudly, annoyed, as she put her chin on his chest and looked up with teary eyes.

''Please stay.'' she whispered, her voice trembling. ''I'm tired, Chuck, I'm tired.''

And just so he'd spare her more tears, Chuck stayed. Because he knew there were dozens of reasons more to cry, one of them being the lawsuit his father filed against Blair's. It was something he could spare her of, for now.

* * *

''Evelyn?'' Diana glanced warily at his phone, subtly taking a desperate sip of the wine.

''Correct.'' Bart rolled his eyes, turning off the phone promptly. ''She keeps calling me which means she knows Chuck is back in town.''

Jazz music filled the prestigious bar of the Millennium hotel as they chatted over their pricey bottle of Domaine de la Romanée-Conti. It was one of those casual Thursday nights when chandeliers on the ceiling reflected against expensive jewelry and black mink fur coats. Perfume hung in the air, laden with intrigue. The mentioned pair enjoyed each other's company, good looks, and mutual ambition. They fashioned themselves young and crazy, free to indulge in hedonistic pleasures while they thought nobody was watching.

They were wrong.

''I really don't feel like listening to how awful of a parent I am right now.'' he said all of a sudden with such sobriety that was so unlike him, Diana stifled a gasp.

Did he care, she questioned herself cautiously while looking at his downcast eyes. Did he care after all?

If there was any trace of feelings, they needed to be wiped out. Diana Sparks had sketched out a whole plan for Bart Bass and no pathetic ex-wife will ruin it with her clingy sentiments.

''Interesting,'' she spoke out loud, twirling the crystal glass in her hand. ''She seems to be coming at you quite often. If I didn't know her, I'd have said she doesn't have a husband. As if her life is consisting of nothing but Chuck's problems and you.''

''Interesting.'' she repeated once again, quieter this time, watching the shift on Bart's face - just the right effect she wanted her words to produce. It went from wondering, to doubtful, to somber.

''Well, of course,'' a velvety voice said from behind them and two heads snapped back. ''It was obvious where he'd be, especially since he refuses to answer his phone.''

''Welcome'' Diana lightly rolled her eyes, forcing up her lips into her poorest society smile. ''We were just talking about you, Evelyn.''

Evelyn flinched at those bold words, spoken with precision to inject poison. She shook her head and turned to her ex-husband. ''Bart, can I have a moment with you? Alone?''

''Evelyn.'' he sighed in obvious annoyance, but not dared to meet her eyes. Instead, he focused them on the alluring luster of Diana's green orbs encircled with heavy black make-up. ''I honestly don't have time for another showdown. I've had it for today.''

''What is that supposed to mean?''

''Your son,'' he spewed, heavily enunciating the first word, as if she alone was responsible for the existence of the boy. As if she alone raised him and was to blame for his erratic behavior. ''Your son barged into an important meeting I had this morning. He made quite a ruckus. I won't let his mother ruin the night for me too.''

Bart spoke with such astounding coldness and abuse that Evelyn froze for a solid while. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Diana hide a smile behind her hand.

''How dare you talk to me like that?'' she had the dignity to ask, clutching her Chanel bag tightly in front of herself.

''Evelyn, go back to your husband,'' this time Bart looked at her and it was such a look of ill-manner, inflicting nothing but anguish. How could she ever have loved him? He was deliberately trying to hurt her in front of this cheating man-eating widow. ''Spend your energy on him, don't waste it on those who don't care. Go back to your own life.''

* * *

It was early the morning after her encounter with Bart, on her way to see doctor Lockwood, when Evelyn finally had a chance to see her boy - after endless weeks of absence.

''Chuck!'' she had called him out with such love, such desperation - he couldn't stop strings of his heart from moving. ''My son!''

''Mother,'' he put his hands on her shoulders as she tried to hug him, effectively stopping her. It's been a while since they last met each other. Whatever instinctive feeling of love he felt for Evelyn, it was promptly choked. His mother would never do what this woman did to Blair, to the girl he loved. ''Let's keep a distance.''

''She told on me, didn't she?'' Her beautiful face immediately fell and turned into a grotesque of a sheer despair. ''Chuck, I didn't do anything. Well, nothing serious at least. I just - she intentionally said a great many things that hurt me - and - and I just lost control of myself-''

''Save it.'' he demanded, cutting her short, not bothering to hear the meaningless excuses. There was no excuse for that savage violence.

''Please,'' Evelyn's lower lip trembled, and she tried to take his hand, but he avoided it. ''Don't look at me like that. It pains me to see it.''

''I don't deserve your anger,'' she stated proudly, her lips curving into a sorrowful frown.

''True'' Chuck murmured, looking at her with such daring heartache that woman nearly cowered under it. ''You were never in my life long enough, Father even less so, to deserve my anger.''

''We don't deserve your anger?'' his mother repeated in disbelief, eyebrows raising up to a hairline. ''Yet that girl, that lying two-faced girl that brought you so much suffering - she has a right to be in your life?''

''Why are you taking it out on Blair so much?'' Chuck clutched his fists in frustration, clenching his jaw. ''Because of me? Because of what Father did? Because of our past?''

''What?'' Evelyn stammered, hand flying at her throat as she listened in confusion and bewilderment. ''What are you talking about?''

''Why did you really hit her?'' he grit through his teeth, digging up the mental memory box and taking out every shadowed thought his family shared - one by one. ''Because you couldn't strike Father and me? You're angry with me because I won't give up on Blair. You're angry with Bart because that man gave up on both of us a long, long time ago. But you can't touch us. It would mean admitting defeat.''

''You don't know what defeat means,'' she whispered as her eyes pooled with tears. ''But you will, soon enough. Life will teach you. That woman because of whom you hurt your mother - she will defeat you.''

''You're wrong,'' her son turned his back to her, his face cast in shadow. ''She had already defeated me, more times than I can count. I already asked you to bury the axe. I'm not going to again. I love her, mother. I really do.''

* * *

Arthur closed the limo doors after his master got in, tightening his leather gloves for it was unbearably cold in the city that day. The dry, tasteless frost clung to exposed skin, sinking in it's teeth. The dark limo rushed through the streets, stealthily avoiding morning traffic. Arthur knew his master had snuck out to catch Mrs. Evelyn before her regular botox appointment every Friday at 7 am.

He knew master would want to be back to Miss Blair before she awoke. Nevertheless, the driver, so gifted with the accurate observance of an impartial party, was much aware that Miss Blair would most certainly be up before the master's return. The girl was nothing of the Manhattan sort, yet she had every air of prestige and resourcefulness.

He had arrived precisely at half past 7. Elevator doors dinged upon reaching the floor and Chuck stepped in, only to find Blair dressed in her old clothes. Everything he had ordered his stylist to buy for her was still left untouched in the shopping bags by the doors. In her hands were tightly grasped wedding papers and pictures. He recognized his smiling face that hid behind her thumb.

''What's going on?'' he asked, alerted at her too calm appearance. Had she found out he went out to meet Evelyn?

''I'm going home.'' she steadily replied, though he noticed how clutch on the papers tightened, fingers curling until they turned pale. Chuck took a step forward, for a strange intuitive reason his heart hammering.

''What do you mean?''

''I don't need a PI to gather information,'' she shook her head, taking a step away from him. Her eyes, so wide, were filled with anxiety. She had found out. ''You thought we could hide out here forever? You thought the world would stop just for us? That we would lounge around the penthouse without having a care in the world? I loved spending time with you here yesterday, but there is a storm outside of these doors and it's waiting just for us.''

''Blair, I wanted to tell you-''

''I know,'' she cut him short, eyes softening. ''And I thank you for that. I really do, Chuck. I know you try, I know you're risking your relationship with your father to drop the charges. I know you've been paying my father's hospital bills. See, I have birds too. They whisper things to me. I know how to be invisible and go through the bustling crowds undetected. I've been invisible my whole life.''

''I didn't want you to have to choose,'' he whispered, his eyebrows knotting dolefully. Because he knew she would have chosen her sick father, suddenly struck with heart-attack some day ago before they came back. She would willingly go back into the pits of fire to care for the ones she loves. Because that was Blair, the warrior, and the angel - all in one, never giving up. That was his wife.

''And I love you for it,'' Blair's lower lip trembled, as she stared back deeply into his eyes. ''But it worked. Though in secret, you helped. My family may never find out, but I know and I'll never forget what you did. My father woke up thanks to you. He had asked for me, my dad is giving me a chance to make things right. And now you must understand - I'm doing this for us. If I ever want us to be a family, this is the first step to take.''

''Alright,'' he nodded, putting his hand on her forearm. How glad was he to hear her talk about them as a family. He always wanted to a part of one, something genuine and honest. Chuck smiled, showing all the support and love she needed right now. ''If you're ready, so am I.''

''No.'' she flinched, gulping down heavily. Seconds ticked by as the silence elongated and the trepidation increased. ''I need to go alone.''

The silence returned, heavy and suffocating. He stared at her and she stared back, craving for courage to leave with each breath. At the back of their mind, snow fell soundlessly on the untouched white ground. Fire crackled, spreading the dingy smell of smoke and cinnamon.

''Aren't we going to tell them we got married?'' he whispered, unable to hide the hurt.

''Not for some time yet,'' Blair smiled tenderly and he felt the sharp pain of her words, of her expression and the way she gazed at him. As if they would never see each other again. ''You know what the doctor's report said. No stress or strain on his mentality of any kind. I can't tell them that and risk my dad's life.''

He was the source of that stress, he thought to himself. He was the actual problem.

''You're going back home,'' he repeated, looking down on the floor in turmoil, trying to grasp the information. Pictures in his mind suddenly changed, images shuffling and crumbling. He had thought they would live together, start their life as a family. He had thought they would keep low for a while before announcing their matrimony to the whole world. He didn't care what his parents, the world or anyone might think. But, it appears, he hadn't counted on her family. Now, everything changed. His spirit sunk low. ''They won't know we're married. Everything will be like it was.''

''It won't!'' she denied passionately, throwing her arms around his neck. Their eyes locked, something sentimental passing between sheer black and chocolate brown. ''Isn't it enough that we know? It's just for now,'' she comforted, pressing her heated lips to his. ''I promise.''

''Okay'' he breathed out, surrendering under the intense power of her kiss, of the feel of her body pressing against his. ''I know you've already made up your mind, but I'm yielding under one condition only.''

''What is it?''

''I'll be moving back into my apartment, in your building. I'm coming with you.''

* * *

Diana hummed a song under her breath as she walked into her home, settling forest green Birkin bag on the antique high table in the foyer. Things with Bart were going exceptionally well, she thought smugly. Though there seemed to be a concern he was still attached to his former family, Diana managed to disperse any doubt of it with that beautiful fiasco last night.

Until she recognized voices in the living room. Evelyn stepped out on the hall, Georgina following her close behind. Bart's ex-wife smiled in such fashion that Diana's heart stopped and dropped somewhere in the end of her guts. It was finest predatory smiled. In that moment, Diana realized she was nothing but a prey, caught in headlights of an incoming car. In that moment, Diana Sparks realized she could never compete with someone like her.

It was a dire mistake crossing Evelyn.

''You've been sleeping with my dad's partner.'' Georgina spat at Diana accusingly when they were left alone, every particle of her skin seething with rage. It was not a question. ''I've been asking you again and again what did you have with that man and each time you lied to me! It's barely been a few months since my dad died! What kind of a woman are you?''

''Georgina!'' Diana cried out in shock as her step-daughter pushed her roughly, forcing her to stumble in her tight dress and high-heels, nearly falling on the floor. ''Listen to me-''

''You killed my dad!'' she screamed, tears streaming down her blotchy, red spotted face. ''You've killed him again! You've killed every memory of him!''

''Georgie!'' the woman begged once more, thinking for the first time that perhaps it had been a bad idea to slip the girl vitamins rather than her prescribed pills. The girl was insane, completely and utterly unstable. Diana was struck with fear for her life. What if the lunatic killed her? ''Calm down, that woman was talking nonsense-''

''Nonsense?!'' Georgina angrily shoved her step-mother once again, cornering her in the wall. ''Evelyn just told me what everyone else already knows. She wanted to help me. Nonsense? You whoring around is nonsense! Take off that necklace!'' she demoniacally spat, pulling the precious Cartier piece of jewelry from Diana's neck. ''My dad bought you that necklace and I'll be damned if you wear it again! He bought you this too! And this too you got with his money!''

The girl savagely tore off every diamond, every ruby, every sapphire the woman wore. Diana cowered under the assault, staring with gaping mouth, stunned by the final act of vengeance. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes torn, but her make-up remained completely intact, not a tear, or anything of the kind, had been shed to ruin it.

''You got everything thanks to his money!'' Georgina screamed, flinging the expensive items on the floor where they crashed into perfect little sparkles. ''But he is gone! He isn't ever coming back! And I'm supposed to sit back and watch yourself whore around with Bart Bass, spending my inheritance?''

The girl, heaving heavy breaths, suddenly dropped her voice to a threating level. Her eyes, like two death stars, glared - looking to kill. ''Get out. Get out of my home!''

With that, she grabbed Diana's arm, startling the tried nerves of the appalled woman and viciously dragged her. Diana stumbled in her high heels, tripping over the jewelry on the floor, too caught up in act of getting caught. Without taking her coat, bag or anything of the kind for it was freezing outside, Georgina threw the woman out of the apartment, slamming the doors on her shocked face.

* * *

**A/N:** I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. I've been too caught up with work and modeling to reply, but I have time now. Last chapter got possibly the lowest rate of feedback (probably because it was a day before NYE) so I'd be happy for you to recompense now :) Probably won't go on until I do, I would like to hear your opinion on current Bart-Evelyn situation. I've included that ship because there were so many people rooting for them. I'm curious about your reaction.

Old rules apply; more reviews, faster the update. Have a nice day!


	42. Love Me More

**Chapter Forty-Two**

**Love Me More**

* * *

_''You don't need to be better than anyone else,_

_You just need to be better than you used to be.''_

* * *

When Humphrey ladies entered the Sparks apartment, not one of them could believe their eyes. Having been known as renowned New York fashionistas and creators of new trends, they could hardly keep their cool as they gazed upon the horrifying scene. Dozens of pieces of outrageously expensive jewelry laid scattered over the floor, ripped apart and broken at the seams. High-end clothes, many of which were their own creations, were strewn around the apartment, destroyed with scissors.

''Picking up her things?'' Georgina asked, sitting on the couch as if having a tea party, smoking a cigarette. ''Maybe Bart is not as generous as my father was.''

''Georgie,'' Jenny timidly approached the girl, careful not to startle her, coughing at the smoke. ''Lets talk.''

''Spare me'' she rolled her eyes, putting out the cigarette in one of the vases filled with yellow tulips, before flinging it away. Heavy breathing already took her over, that strange pallor of her skin glowing demoniacally. The girl stared at mother and daughter, seething darkness in her wide eyes. ''If that tramp is still living at my father's hotel - I'll burn the place down.''

''Honey,'' Allison struggled to keep her composure. She knew Sparks kid had some behavior issues, Diana always mulled about it. But she had assumed it would pass with puberty, or perhaps that it was something Diana liked to exaggerate about, in order to make herself look better. Looking now, it didn't appear as a phase or a lie. ''Calm down, please. This is no way to solve a problem.''

''There is nothing to solve,'' Georgina laughed uncontrollably. ''Diana no longer exists!''

Mother and daughter looked at each other, silently agreeing the girl was absolutely crazy.

''Get out of my house,'' hotly replied Georgie, reading the look too well. She snatched few picked up things from Mrs. Humphrey's hand, furiously throwing them to the ground. ''I wonder if that slut dares to come here by herself.''

* * *

''Welcome back,'' Edward Morelli greeted her on Monday morning with an affectionate, yet guarded smile. His tousled sandy hair was carried by the chilly breeze. Blair's breath stopped at his striking, familiar blue eyes and the force of the spirit he seemed to always emit. All in all, Blair found she had missed him - a lot. ''How are you? How's your dad?''

''He'll get better,'' she gratefully replied as they entered the building, met by tepid air of a crowded institution. ''I will too.''

As they walked through the hall together, their hands nearly touching, Chuck emerged on the other side. For briefest moment a startled look came over his face. As the distance shortened, his expression became more and more hostile as two men warily watched each other. Her heart sped up at the sight of him, melting in some sort of confusion as she took a quick glance at Morelli. Something odd stirred in her guts.

Blair was chilled to the bone by the aloof, cold glare he flashed them with as he passed by.

''You and Chuck...'' Morelli murmured, knotting his brows, looking at Chuck's retreating figure watchfully.

''Doesn't matter'' she snapped.

''I'm not asking because of me,'' he reverted his stormy eyes towards her. A couple of girl students passed by them, enthusiastically greeting their professor, blushing and giggling, but he merely tightly nodded back at them. Blair noticed the way girls stared at him. ''I'm asking for your sake. I just wanted to remind you I'm still your friend.''

Immediately, she regretted her harsh word. Ed was always there for her, even when she pushed him away. Her Father had told her all about how he stood by their side through everything, helping them deal with the chaos that ensued after her abrupt departure. He even hired Dan as a chauffeur for his mother that moved into her building in the meantime. Moreover, she was sure he was the one to persuade her father to forgive her. Of all people, he understood her relationship wit her famiyl the best. There were countless things which he did - solely for her - and for which she could never repay him.

He gazed at her with those electric blue eyes, as he always did, with such guarded, shelter fervor - it left her feeling slightly rattled. Baffled by her own feelings, Blair pushed her hair behind her ear and turned around, leaving him be. She walked the hallway alone, aware of the following eyes and whispers.

All of a sudden, as she rounded the deserted hall, someone snagged her arm, pulling her inwards and simultaneously stifling her yelp with a hand.

''Shh!'' the culprit murmured in her ear, as she kicked around, her heart hammering in fear. ''Calm down, Mrs. Bass.''

Upon the sound of his husky voice, upon the title which nobody on Earth except themselves knew of, Blair relaxed and let his strong hands guide her to turn around. Her smile grew at the look of his beautiful face, a face she longed to see ever since she moved back home. He circled an arm around her waist, unlocking doors of a darkened, empty classroom. ''It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I can't stand not being around you.''

''This pretending to hate each other is kind of fun, though.'' she smirked, sliding her cold fingers under his shirt as he locked the doors.

''How are they treating you?'' he asked seriously, putting his hand over her searching fingers - effectively stilling them.

''They're distant'' Blair's eyebrows knotted, secretly bothered by his rejection. She had been waiting for days to put her hands on him. She remembered her fathers words; _Despite everything you've done, I have still faith in you. Promise me you'll be good. _

Blair inwardly squirmed, knowing what he was asking of her was nearly impossible. She wasn't born to be good, to be obedient and pure. She could never be what they wanted her to be. On the other hand, this was peace offer and she had to do everything to accept it. This came down to a matter of life and death.

''But decent enough.''

''I haven't slept all night'' Chuck sighed, leaning on a table, away from her. She noticed his smallest movement with astounding sharpness. Dim daylight fell on him in that spot, to some degree outlining his body in the dense shadow. And she saw all the signs of fatigue, shadows under his eyes, dark and ominous. He had been up all night, waiting for her with a ready car and packed bags. Once again, she had abused his love, and cursed herself for it. ''How long is this going to last?''

''I talked to my dad'' she eagerly explained, throwing her hands around his neck freely, knowing nothing could happen to them here. There was a glint in her eyes again, as if all hope of the world gathered in the pair of iris'. ''He had found himself countless excuses to forgive me. He thinks I ran away because I was scared.''

Chuck nodded, not able to be as pleased as her by this revelation. He still thought her coming back home was absolutely crazy and reckless. He clenched his jaw, looking away for a moment. ''I talked to my father too. He decided to drop the charges, after all, if I move out of this building. I told him no.''

''It's all over the morning papers,'' she bit her lip in anxiety. ''Bart had it published. He is trying to scare us.''

Silence befell them and wind howled outside, angrily beating against windows.

''Who cares,'' Blair shrugged, forcing herself to sound airy as soon as she detected a heavy change in Chuck's attitude. He had grown cold, lost in thought. ''All I care about is the time when we'll tell my family we've gotten married.''

''Can I hurt you by staying in the building?'' he carefully asked, taking no heed of her half-hearted ecstatic words.

Sudden cloud lowered over her brows as her heart stopped. ''Do you want to leave?''

Noticing her scared expression, Chuck felt as if he had been showered with cold water. He cupped her face, gazing down at her as their foreheads touched. ''No.'' he gently said, kissing her full on the mouth. Blair spread her lips, inviting his tongue in, kissing him back with ardor.

''I want us to leave this place together,'' he breathed out, pulling her closer. He slipped his hand under her plaid skirt and she gasped as overpowering fire took over her senses, as it always did around him.

''We will,'' she said against his lips, holding tightly lapels of his blazer. ''As long as you're there, I can stand anything.''

Half an hour later, Chuck waited ten minutes to emerge after Blair left. He tucked his crisp shirt into Tom Ford suit pants, silently whistling to himself.

''Chuck,'' someone called him as he reached the main hall. When he spotted her, he couldn't help but to roll his eyes and continue as if he didn't hear a thing. Georgina came up to him, that crazy wide-eyed look all over her face. ''Did you know Diana and Bart are together?''

Truth be told, it was the last question he expected. It took him a moment to process information. He suspected they've been sleeping together for a long time. Father was probably just using her, as he had used every person in his life - including him. He was nothing but an Heir, Diana was nothing but someone to keep his bed warm and make the business run fluidly. He was sure Diana was very much far from being in love with Moneybag aka Bart.

''Nice,'' he drawled, shoving hands in his pockets. ''They fit each other.''

''What?' Georgina stammered, surprised by the reply. ''That's your reaction?''

''Listen,'' he sighed, kind of feeling sorry for the girl. She had nobody but that aged leech in high heels. ''I have nothing to do with that hotel or my Father anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't help you. I don't care what they're up to.''

* * *

''Clean the house thoroughly, please.'' Evelyn commanded, eyes hidden behind dark Chanel sunglasses. ''My husband is coming back home this weekend. Thank you, Marlene. ''

Maid nodded and went back inside, grateful for dismissal for it was unbearably cold that day. Just then, a limo rolled over and parked in front of Evelyn's town car, blocking it. Her chauffeur muttered an apology and honked at the rudeness, but the limo stayed put. A man had emerged out of it, dressed in his usual attire - tailored black suit, a grey cashmere shawl and black leather gloves. She had recognized him immediately.

Evelyn had waited until Bart approached car doors, leaning in to see her better, to close the window in his face. He frowned as she looked straight ahead, ignoring him, debating whether to stay like this all day. The insult he threw her way last time was still very fresh.

Finally, she decided to get this through and slowly rolled down the window.

''Good day,'' he smiled, showing pearly whites, thick mist coming out of his mouth. That smile was no good.

''I've expected a phone call, but you've come personally. I'm surprised.''

''I think your little show deserves more than a phone call.''

''Right,'' she nodded slowly, taking off her sunglasses to see him eye-to-eye. ''That woman needed to be reminded of her place. I told her what I think and let Georgina know what she already needed to. That's all.''

_Now I know who is your son like_, he remembered Diana's words of last night as she flashed him a withering look._ Your ex-wife is absolutely uncontrollable and aggressive._

Yet Evelyn acted so cool know in front of him, but still - there was that luring fire in her dark exotic eyes.

''You're jealous of her,'' he stated confidently, lips curling up. ''Because of me.''

That fire roared, as he expected it would and his ex-wife pushed open the doors with pursed lips, nearly hitting him in the process.

''How happy does it make you to even imagine me being jealous, Bart?'' she cocked her head, daring him with her burning gaze. ''I'm sorry to disappoint you. I have abandoned jealousy a long time ago.''

''You only abandoned me,'' he raised his brow comically. ''Not jealousy.''

''Too bad,'' Evelyn kept her eyes trained on him, exceptionally familiar with every line of his face, as only once passionate lovers know how to be. He was trying to charm her, trying to affect her with his smugness of revelation. ''I know you so well. That woman expects a lot from you.''

She smirked, knowing there was nobody to come even as close to this man of a steel as she once did. ''I bet she thinks you're scolding me now for her sake. Yet you're here, overjoyed at the thought of me being jealous of Diana. I really do feel sorry for her.''

* * *

As soon as classes finished, Chuck took off to Management Club, knowing the scandalous, but the absolutely ravishing president would be there. Since Nate and Serena decided to stay longer in Aspen, braiding each other's hair and sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace, Chuck had nobody he cared enough for to make an effort to chat for longer than 0.3 seconds.

If only he had known Blair would be late due to overbearing Professor Martha, if only he had known who would be in the said club, Chuck would think twice about answering Paige regarding Blair's potential Stockholm Syndrome.

''Back to your old apartment for good?'' Morelli asked after their gazes clashed and all energy they bottled up around Blair came to the surface with raging waves and maddening thunders.

''None of your business.'' Chuck curtly replied, clenching his jaw.

''It will harm her,'' Ed murmured, swiftly pressing keyboards on his laptop, finishing up his report. When he heard his opponent scoff, Ed deemed he didn't present himself earnestly enough. Letting go of his work, he put his hands on the edges of the table. ''I've been talking to Dan lately, listened carefully to what he had to say.''

''So?'' Chuck drawled, having his back turned to the guy to hide how uneasy he felt by the comment. Frustration grew with each word he heard.

''Be careful, Bass. You used to hurt Blair on purpose. You're capable of doing it now too, though unintentionally.''

''Nothing is as it was.'' Chuck snapped, staring down at Blair's ex-boss that he once thought was her boyfriend. For some strange reason, the presence of this man always managed to endlessly irk him.

''You still haven't got to know her family or the importance of them accepting her again. Your presence in that building can only harm her. If I were you-''

''But you're not me'' Chuck interrupted quietly, threatening, getting into his face.

At that moment, Blair waltzed into the club and froze at the sight of them. As a consequence, men separated and Morelli muttered a goodbye, taking Macbook under his arm and leaving the room immediately.

''What happened?'' she asked worriedly, looking at the retreating figure of Ed, a strange glint in her eyes.

''Nothing,'' Chuck pulled on his bow-tie, shifting his jaw. ''I can't stand that bastard.''

''I thought he might have told you something,'' she cleared her throat, pushing hair behind her ear.

Upon hearing approaching avalanche of footsteps outside, they quickly backed away from each other. Laughter echoed in the hall and abruptly died as soon as the doors opened and the rest of their study partners entered. With an awkward hum and loud noise of chairs scraping the floor, they had all seated themselves at the small round table. Blair and Chuck sat across one another, but nobody could see their feet touching.

''Let's just use my strategy,'' he commenced as soon as they set the materials, taking over the control which came so easily to him in the aspect of business. ''Otherwise, we'll face heavy loss.''

Blair's rose colored marker paused in the middle of highlighting and she slowly looked up, raising a brow in defiance, ''I'm ready to take a risk and increase anticipated profit. You're free to cower under the desk.''

Someone stifled a laugh, someone started coughing uncontrollably - caught by surprise.

''Anticipated profit?'' he repeated with a scoff. ''Complete bankruptcy, more like it. A profit... What a typical fairy tale, you should have studied English Lit instead.''

''And you should have studied Drama,'' she bit back, pulling back her feet.

He tried to catch her eye, though there were half a dozen trained on them, but Blair stubbornly stared at her notes. Biting back a sigh, he quickly scribbled something on the corner of his textbook.

_'Wanna get out?'_

It took a while to get a reaction out of her. He had tried catching her eye again, he had tried touching her foot, but accidentally ended up fondling idiotic Richard Spencer who stared at him as if electrified. Everyone at the table seemed to be on some stand by, as if waiting for some key, for a missing piece of the puzzle because their story was currently an utter chaos. Finally, she spoke.

''If I didn't have to,'' Blair bit out lowly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. ''I wouldn't be working with you.''

With that theatrical speech, she quickly picked up her things and stormed out of the Constance. It took Chuck some time to follow her, long enough that no one suspects anything. Then they met in the corner of the street, in the secluded darkness of his limo, stripping each other and laughing at the dumbstruck faces of their fellow classmates - so gullible, so hungry for the show which notorious couple was feeding them with.

* * *

''Is she here?'' Georgina seethed, furiously slamming taxi doors behind her. The driver drove off, shaking his head, swearing to himself never to pick up people from Millennium again.

''I hadn't seen her,'' Jenny rolled her eyes, presuming she was talking about Diana. Lately, that's all she seemed to be talking about. Jenny's dog sniffed around the hydrant, for some unexplainable reason always loitering around it for ages before going for a walk in the park.

Just then, heaving a modest bag with strands of expensive fabric peeking out, the woman in question appeared out of the main doors.

''Georgie...'' Jenny got a hold of her elbow, sensing girl's building rage.

''Let me go!'' flinched back Georgina, curling her fist, her deadly glare set on one person only. ''Came to pick up fancy stuff my dad bought for you?''

Diana's head whipped up, her face draining of color instantly. Her step-daughter snatched the Louis Vuitton bag from startled woman and hurled it on the floor, blinded by a tidal wave of anger, grief, and sorrow. Pieces of jewelry rolled over and across the pavement. Jenny's dog waggled over to them, curiously sniffed and walked away uninterested.

''You're still at my dad's hotel?!'' she pushed her shoulders, making her stumble and trip. ''How can you be sleeping with that man in my dad's room!''

''Georgie stop!'' Jenny screamed, helpless and anxious, but then one of the neighbors appeared, breaking off the scuffle. He recognized immediately the crazy Sparks kid and beautiful, the elegant widow with pristine manners and high business reputation. Coming to his senses, he picked up the bag off the floor and helped the poor woman get to the waiting car as the berserk teenage girl screamed, ''I won't let you stay at the hotel, you slut!''

''Stop it, Georgina!'' Jenny pleaded breathlessly, her heart beating fast with nervousness. ''Just stop! You need to get some help.''

''Let go of me!'' pale terrifying beauty grit through her teeth. ''That whore cheated on my dad!''

''I know you're hurt,'' the blond stated trying to calm her down, picking up her dog that kept jumping on her Uggs in impatience. ''I know you're upset, but Diana didn't cheat on your dad. You dad passed away. He wouldn't want you to be acting like this.'''

''Wow,'' Georgina halted, stung by bold words of her father's death. It felt like she lost him once again. Had it been so long ago since he went away? Had the world already forgotten him? ''So you're defending her too. You're even using my dad to do it. Is it because she's friends with your mother? Because she's a regular shopper at your store?''

''What are you trying to say?'' Jenny shifted her restless puppy on other arm, brows knotted, hoping she misunderstood the words.

''Well of course'' G laughed out loud, a vicious humorless sound. ''Without Diana, the store would be closed in less than a week. You're all in this together. All you people think about is yourself!''

''You're completely crazy!'' Jenny shrieked in outrage, walking away towards a park.

Georgina's eyes started to fill with tears the moment she was left alone. Once again, shadows appeared on the corners, whispering, luring her to do bad things. To hurt people she loved. To remind her she was all alone and abandoned. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe shadows were her only friends after all, though they scared her to death.

''Georgina,'' a voice, as if coming from a distance - from a long-forgotten past - swiveled over to her. It reminded her of her late mother.

''Are you okay?'' It was Blair, leaning down to look at her with concern. For a moment, it looked like she was six years old, inspecting Georgina's hurt knee. ''Come on, let's get you home.''

''You're helping me again,'' she thought out loud, staring without blinking, as if afraid to miss a beat. ''As if we've never went though what we did. As if nothing ever happened.''

''Everything did happen though'' Blair pursed her lips, dropping the clothes completely. She avoided looking at Georgina, knowing that deep, deep down there was that sentimental cords towards her, rooted all the way to her childhood. And she had been burnt by it too many times. ''You made it happen. But I don't care about that anymore. Take care of yourself.''

With that, she left her and went home. When Blair finally arrived, the table had been pulled out to fit more people. It hadn't been like that since mom was there. Sitting casually as if the whole place didn't fit in his bedroom, was Edward Morelli, preparing to dine with them.

It was by far the most awkward night of Blair's life.

They had laid out their fancy, rustic white lace tablecloth. They had brought out every piece of fork and knife they owned, making it into a funny mismatching set. Ed came, dressed casually - black leather jacket and black pants with fancy boots - and still managed to look comfortable in their lair of poverty. Though his perfectly styled hair did look absurd next to her dad's bald spot in the middle of his head.

She watched Dan chat eagerly with the guest, though her friend remained somewhat reserved through the conversation. Father passed him every plate of food that could be passed, broad smile on his weathered face. Despite being sick and forlorn lately, this visit seemed to brighten his spirit. Blair wondered what was about Morelli her family liked so much?

What was about Chuck they disliked so much, with the exception of his last name?

''Bon apetito'' Jessica fawned, giggling like an idiot. ''As the French would say.''

They all seemed to be in love with him. She wondered what was that it kept Ed here. Blair wondered, yet she already knew the answer.

It was her that kept him here.

''Isn't it hard for you'' dad worried. ''To live alone in a hotel? Why don't you take a lease?''

Blair suppressed giving out blatant, sarcastic comment for the tenth time that night. Her family could be so oblivious to the world sometimes. Having 24 hours service, personal maid, all meals to be brought to room, spa and gym on the floor below - how awfully hard.

As if reading her mind, Ed caught her eyes, corner of his mouth lifting up for an inch in imperceptible amusement. ''I find it much more practical, Sir.''

''My boy, I thought I told you to call me Bob.''

Morelli looked at him, a feeling of such warmth tackling the big giant of serenity that held the gates to whatever the man was hiding. Very slowly, he smiled, for a moment seeing something in Bob, something like remembering a good feeling you once forgot, something that nobody else saw.

''How can you be paying five star hotel with professor paycheck?'' Jessica quipped, having no shame to intrude on such touchy personal matter. Blair grit her teeth at the rudeness, flashing her a glare which she so obviously ignored.

''God gives each person what they deserve'' Bob rasped, nodding at them solemnly like he did every time he spoke of religion. ''Wealth of your heart, my boy, will get what it deserves. Blair, serve a man some potato salad.''

Ed, feeling they were pampering him too much, quickly rose too and gently took a bowl out of her hands. For briefest moment, their fingers touched and both of them suppressed a blush.

She felt guilty. Blair felt happy because her family loved him, yet she couldn't help but to wish he was Chuck instead - laughing with her family and her father calling him 'my boy'.

''Oh my God, Blair'' Jessica burst out loud laughing, covering her mouth with her hand in humorous bewilderment. ''How weirded out would your friends from school be to see your professor here?''

Meaning, how weirded out would Chuck be to see him here. Blair's gaze clashed with Ed's, some silent emotion passing between them that Jessica managed to pry upon. As if what they had was secret, forbidden.

''I mean about being his pet and all'' Dan's fiancé winked as the rest of her family stared in confusion.

''Don't you miss cruising the waves?'' Dan asked, managing to avoid Blair's eye throughout whole dinner, though they sat across from each other. Blair sighed, glad for this diversion. Somehow, she had a feeling everyone's eyes were upon her, knowing her and Edward's secret. As if sensing there was something going on between them.

''I'll get back to it one day'' Ed replied quietly, managing a weak smile. Blair stared at his blue orbs, wondering how could not anyone see the turquoise nostalgia hidden under thick dexterity of stoic peace? ''Land didn't bring me much luck.''

''How romantic'' Jessica sighed, seeing nothing but dollar signs and a luxurious yacht. ''Isn't it Blair?''

Blair sharply looked at the idiot, wondering what the hell was she trying to do.

''How is my Blair doing in class?'' Bob thankfully interrupted, slowly munching on his food.

''I won't do so great if I don't start studying.'' Blair pushed her chair back and dropped her napkin on the plate. Morelli sharply looked up. She avoided looking at him, muttering them all a goodnight, not caring if they thought she was rude. She just couldn't stand them anymore, or how natural Morelli was around her family, or that Chuck was upstairs - alone.

Blair dropped on her bed and from hidden place drew out wedding papers. She clutched them in a fist, closing her eyes. Soon, they would be out of here.

That night at midnight, as every midnight since she moved back home, a pebble hit glass of her barred window.

''Rocco's.'' Chuck drawled as she opened up, rolling his eyes, referring to bag of Éclairs Edward brought with him for the desert. ''How nice of him.''

''You should see your face,'' Blair stifled a laugh though something worrisome prickled in her guts. ''Green doesn't suit you.''

''You're right, I wish someone had delivered dessert to my doorstep too. Instead of that, I had a tube of Pringles while binge watching How To Get Away With Murder.''

''Aw'' she cooed, pressing her face to steel bars and kissing him. ''I'm sorry, were you planning to commit one?''

''Nearly. What happened between you and Morelli?'' he asked seriously, his acute observance once again startling her. ''You're not as close as you were, yet he became friends with Dan, eats dinner at your house with your family.''

As if on reflex of a danger, she moved away from him. How could she tell him Ed was in love with her?

How could she betray Morelli's trust like that? Especially after Ed promised not to ever do anything if she doesn't ask him first and respectfully kept his distance. Chuck would kill him if he knew and Ed was too precious to lose. He had been there through everything - from the mere beginning, when Chuck and her still at war - silently helping her without ever wanting something in return. No matter how complicated things have got, he was ultimately her friend, maybe something even more than that - but devoid of romantic connotation. She couldn't cross him by starting another fire, breaking his trust by snitching on his most delicate sentiments.

Blair wanted to keep Edward Morelli in her life, by any cost.

''Yet you act like he doesn't exist'' continued Chuck, scrutinizing her face more closely, as if he suspected something. ''That right there is much more interesting that the color of my face.''

''What happened between you two, Blair?'' he asked once again, whispering.

''Nothing'' she swiftly replied, looking at him straight in the eyes because her feelings for Ed somehow gave her strength to go against something she swore never to do. Blair steadily uttered a first lie to her husband, color of it very much debatable. ''I just don't feel lonely anymore. I have you now.''

She forced her lips into a smile and stretched out her hand through the bars to touch him. Chuck seemed to hesitate for a moment, but soon took her fingers and kissed them - one by one.

* * *

**A/N**: Review, please! :) I hate my life :) And my boss :) I have 4 exams next week :) Oh sweet death :)


	43. An Uninvited Guest

**Chapter Forty-Three**

**An Uninvited Guest**

* * *

_''They hope I'll crash_

_And burn,_

_But I'm here_

_And I'm staying.''_

* * *

''Georgina made a wreck at the reception this morning,'' Diana's voice trembled as she spoke, the perfectly rehearsed shade of sound, composed to evoke the deepest sympathy. ''All to get me kicked out of the hotel. Can you believe it?''

''That girl is sick,'' Bart noted, one hand in his pocket, the other swirling a glass of scotch. ''You do realize, there's no way she can really push you off the board?''

''I know,'' she watched him stay completely still, slightly concerned at his stoic attitude. She established herself on the couch in the Millennium penthouse, crossing her smooth legs with an aim to seduce and entice. ''But I don't want to keep bickering with her, and I certainly can't be living in a hotel.''

She looked up at her lover with despair-filled eyes only few man could resist, a cry for help which lures them straight into her trap.

Apparently, Bart was one of those few men.

''I'll call my agent,'' he appended, though obviously reluctant to do anything. ''Let him find you a place.''

''Are you trying to get rid of me?'' she smiled tightly, with all sweetness she was capable at that time. Bart's answer secretly infuriated her to the bone. This was definitely not the path she had in mind for them. What Diana wanted, Diana got. ''Or are you scared I might be tempted to move over to your place.''

''I'm just saying,'' he lifted up his palms, walking back over to the bar for a refill. ''I spend more time here than at my own home. Just give my agent a call.''

She glanced down at her phone, text message interrupting turmoil that began to form. ''The lawyer is here.''

''Aren't you taking your step-daughter a little bit too seriously?''

''I took her seriously enough, as did every employee,'' she stated firmly, bothered by how lightly he was taking all of this. This was a major problem. This was a direct threat to her success and wellbeing. The Sparks kid was trying to take hotel away from her, trying to take everything which she fought so hard for. She hadn't languished with her late husband all those years for nothing. The Millennium would be Diana's. ''Georgina owns this hotel.''

''You have a share in it too. She can't get rid of you. If I were you, I wouldn't attend that meeting.''

''The last thing I want to be doing right now is making another enemy,'' she replied, picking up her blazer, thinking this was more than about a share in a company - this was about laying a foundation for a secure future. A future without that annoying brat, if possible. ''Let's just go, please.''

Bart set his glass down, turning to her with a quizzical look. ''You don't seriously expect me to come with you?''

''But...'' his mistress stammered, once again put off by the lack of control that kept slipping between her fingers. ''This is about you too. We both know she's trying to kill the Millennium - Tropic partnership.''

''I'm sorry, but I can't take her whims as seriously as you do,'' he shrugged, as if this was all beneath him. ''I signed a five year contract with George. Nothing besides that is of any particular interest to me.''

She stared at him, swallowing his last words, gulping them down only to find how rotten they tasted.

''Let me ask you something,'' she began slowly, crossing her arms. Bart inwardly cringed, knowing something that won't please him was about to stumble his way. ''Do you mind me entering your life?''

''What is that supposed to mean?'' he inquired, against his will.

''Now that I'm here, we spend much more time together. I'm sorry if it's sending out a different message.''

''I wasn't aware we were sending each other messages,'' Bart retorted, already fed up with the conversation. There was too much talking, not enough action - not his cup of tea.

''Good,'' Diana clipped, though her insides were burning and churning with anger. ''I'm very satisfied the way we are right now. We're both adult and mature. I'd like us to take the next step in our relationship.''

''Listen,'' he sighed after a moment of an awkward silence, pursing his thin lips. ''I'm always honest when it comes to women. I'm having a nice time with you. I enjoy the time we spend together. But I just don't see that next step happening.''

Little by little, Diana's smile fell, her face turning into a stupefied grotesque.

''It has nothing to do with you,'' Bart comforted, patting her forearm distantly, in an entirely uncomforting manner, as one would when trying to make an upset stranger feel better. ''It's me.''

* * *

''Are you aware of what we're losing while you're protecting your father?'' he asked, kissing the smooth skin on her neck, working his way up to the jaw.

''What?'' Blair purred in content, distracted by the amazing feeling he filled her with. Her blouse was buttoned open, pink lacy bra peeking under it. She had skipped last class to meet him in an inconspicuous hotel somewhere in The Village, where nobody knew them.

''Time,'' he murmured softly, grazing her cheek, pulling away to look at her face. He inspected every line, every lash, every curve of her plum lips. Enticed by the red shade, he brushed over them with his thumb. ''We're losing precious time we could be spending together.''

''I can't believe you're saying that,'' she replied, looking away from him. ''If this wasn't about my dad's life, I wouldn't hesitate. You know that. I would take you by the hand and bring you to them.''

''Is his life only thing you fear for?''

''Yes.'' Blair whispered, lower lip trembling.

''Then everyone besides him will find out,'' he urged, turning her chin to look at him. He was already driven crazy by the love he felt, curling his fingers around her jaw. ''Morelli will stop with his bullshit, Dan will be nice to you. Bart will reconsider everything.''

''You think nobody would give us out to my dad?'' she pushed his hand away, angry that he couldn't see the deadliness behind that risk.

''I know,'' he groaned, pulling her to him by the waist, pressing her closer until they couldn't tell each other apart. ''I'm sorry, but hiding is getting more and more difficult. It's wearing me out.''

''I can't do what you want me to do,'' she moaned as he bit her earlobe, clutching his shirt in her fists. ''But I promise it won't go as long as you think. I'm just waiting for the right moment.''

''Please trust me,'' she breathed out, tangling her fingers in his raven hair. ''Otherwise, I won't be strong enough to put up a fight.''

* * *

''Keep the light on!'' Georgina cried out, digging her nails into Blair's arm. ''Keep it on.''

Soon enough, luminous light brightened the small bedroom that ran out of absolute space. It was well past midnight when Georgina anxiously knocked at her doors, shaking, repeating how afraid she was to be alone in the huge, empty apartment. The girl begged Blair to let her sleep over.

Blair had no choice. Something on her neighbor's look had her worried, as if this was a cry for help that shouldn't go ignored. What was lurking in the darkness that had G frightened? What did she see that other people didn't? Blair shivered, laying down on the shabby blanket on the floor, tucking herself in. She warily watched the corners, if some ghostly apparition should appear.

''This is the first time I'm staying over at your place,'' Georgina muttered from up above, having been let to take her place in the small rickety bed. ''Weird, isn't it? We spent years together and yet this is the first time I'm in your room.''

Silence befell them at that statement, as the realization of lost years dawned upon them. How far off did their childhood seem now? How things have changed, how they themselves shifted and grew into people that stopped knowing each other. Blair was no longer ashamed of her room, of her scanty home, and what would her ex-best friend think of it didn't bother her in the slightest.

''That is my mother's mirror,'' Georgie's voice quivered as wide, dark eyes glued to the rusty thing on the wall. ''We gave it to you last time we changed furniture.''

''We used to put make-up in front of it'' Blair mused distantly, as if a hand had stretched out from an invisible vortex and pulled her into the past. Sweet, but bitter taste of innocence overwhelmed her.

''Yeah,'' Georgina grinned, lost in the days when her family was alive and together. Days of perfect bliss. ''When she was attending committee meetings, we'd sneak in and try on her perfumes and lipsticks.''

''I don't remember giving you this doll,'' G said as she delicately took an old, yet elaborate looking Barbie doll in a yellowed wedding dress. It was a limited addition, a very pricey back in those days, when only a few families in Manhattan could afford such an expense. Something perfect, something unattainable.

''You didn't,'' Blair quickly snatched the doll out of her hands. She stared down at it, brushing her blond tangly hair down, warm feelings stirring in her guts. This was one of the first memories Blair had, a memory of awoken ambition and dream to one day enjoy this kind of luxury. ''You threw it away. Well, you dropped it actually.''

''Can I have it?''

Very reluctantly, knowing this doll meant entirely something else to Georgina than it did to her, she gave it up. To Blair, it was a living relic of her awakened passion. A reminder to do better, to study harder. To make a better life for herself. To Georgina, it was something sentimental that connected her to her mother.

''Thank you, Blair,'' she murmured before drifting off, lulled by the sanctuary of the small room and good memories it evoked. Georgina held onto the doll tightly, finally finding some peace to go to sleep.

* * *

''Good morning, sunshine,'' his husky voice greeted her as Chuck picked up the phone. There was the sound of a coffee machine in the background. ''Are you at the bus stop already? I'll be there in five, sorry - making us some coffee.''

''Actually, take your time. I just got into Constance. Thanks, though.''

''You're there early,'' he faltered, glancing at the clock. It was an hour before her first class, he memorized.

''I have something to take care of,'' Blair vaguely explained, wishing she was cuddled in his warm bed right now instead. It's been forever since she'd been in his apartment in her building. These days, it was too risky to go up to him. ''I'll meet you here, okay?''

''Okay,'' he automatically replied, taken aback by the abrupt change of their morning routine. The line went dead. Blair shoved her phone in the pocket and closed the doors of Management Club, sitting down at the occupied table with pursed lips.

''You need to stop,'' she stated, refusing to meet his curious blue eyes.

''Stop what?'' he gently asked, dropping down the report he was writing. She hated the way he always dropped whatever he was doing to meet her, to talk to her, to help her out. She hated his mellow voice and peace he seemed to evoke in her with a mere glance.

''_Everything_.'' Blair snapped, irritated by his superb graces. ''Dinners with my family? Casual drinks with Dan? Jessica fawning over you?''

''Blair-''

''Does my brother know? Does he know how you feel about me? Did you tell my dad too?''

''I did no such thing.'' Morelli took a sharp look at her, offended at such accusation. 'But...''

A tense silence ensued and outside, rain started to fall, loudly splattering against the window glass. New Yorkers, unprepared for the surprising downpour, hid under their coats or ran for the shelter of many buildings. The sudden realization of his unspoken answer had her heart clenching. Dan did know. It was all over him, the way he stopped avoiding looking at her - as if there was hope after all. Maybe even Jessica knew too. That's why she'd been taking subtle jabs at them through the dinner.

''How?'' her voice trembled in silent rage. ''How could you-?''

''I said nothing,'' he affirmed in aggravation. They stared at each other, eyes locked in silent war.

He was the one to lower his guard first. Ed raised his hand up as if to cover hers, but quickly pulled it back. He sighed, scratching the tattoo of Hokusai wave on his forearm. ''Your brother figured it out by himself. Due to... Unforeseen circumstances, we've become close and he was too smart not to catch up.''

She scoffed, crossing her arms, blaming him for his heart, for the way he felt, for dragging her into his emotional riot.

''I never meant to play up to Dan'' he quietly spoke, lowering down his gaze. A cloud settled over his brow, as if disturbed by matters that were out of reach to any of them. ''I - Dan's been helping me with something. I hope you understand I never meant to hurt you in any way. I genuinely like your family. I never wanted to take anyone's place. I never saw this as means to get closer to you. I'm sorry if you think it is.''

She opened her mouth to say something, something ferocious that would crush and crumble him, but there were no words to tell. Who was she to deprive him of a company? Who was she to take away something he prized, to turn her back to their complicated friendship when all he did was be there for her. When everyone else abandoned her, he was there.

Edward had always been a lone wolf, someone to banish society completely, appalled by the ways it functioned. There was sadness rooted so deep into his being which hardly anyone managed to notice. But Blair noticed it. And here he was, starting to accept society again, enjoying domestic delicacies with her family which he so feverishly doomed to non-existence. It seemed like it was doing him good, despite the conflict it emitted.

At that moment, his phone rang and name _Anette_ flashed on the screen. The color drained from his face. Vividly disturbed, he quickly excused himself and went to take the phone call outside, leaving Blair at odds with her thoughts.

Minutes ticked by, one by one, and Blair patiently waited for her friend to return. This time, she would be softer, but they needed to set the bounds first. Ten minutes passed, the rain stopped, streets crowded again, but Edward was nowhere to be seen. It didn't matter, she would wait inside the club until first class started. Blair propped open a book and started studying, grudgingly aware her grades had started slipping up.

Twenty minutes after Edward left, doors burst open and Chuck stormed in, his dark coat billowing behind him as humid draft moved through the room and outside on the hall. It slammed the doors behind him, spiking the already dramatic scene.

''When were you going to tell me?'' he spat as she rose in alarm, turning to face him.

''Chuck?''

''They want you to be with him,'' he scowled, curling upper lip in disgust. ''Your family - they all want you to be with him. Are you even aware of what you're doing to me?!''

''You're right,'' she started steadily, sensing his turmoil and the cause of it. He had found out. Blair bit her lip, her insides writhing as his slanted eyes blazed fire, as they turned dark and demonic.

''Damn right I am!'' he snapped, his nostrils flaring as he felt like a fool, like an idiot, sensing hostility towards Morelli, an instinct that told him that man would be there to ruin him. Yet his worry had always been met with silence and he was led to believe himself a panicky, possessive fool. ''I've been right all along! I knew he had feelings for you. And now Dan thinks it alright to rub it in my face?''

He scoffed, nervously running fingers through his rain-dripped hair. Abruptly, he stiffened and his shaking hand dropped lamely to his side. ''You knew too, didn't you?''

''I found out the day you came to my home for the first time,'' she quietly replied, seeing no reason to lie. ''The day you left.''

The pain of that day was a somber reminder of the thorny path they've been through and they shared a look only people that have been through hell and back could share.

''You knew.'' Chuck shook his head, trying to diminish the oncoming memories of the day he packed his bags and with a leaden heart left her building. Instead, he focused on the matter at hand and anger that built up in him, monstrous and gigantic, laced with crushing anxiety. ''Do you see what's happening to us now?''

''I do,'' she replied, the complete opposite to his seething form. She was calm and collected, only the slight crease on her forehead showing how deep this was all affecting her. What had her so assured? ''I didn't want this either, trust me. You are completely right.''

''And what do I get with being right?'' he retorted furiously, roughly drawing his hand across his cheek in frustration. ''They want to control every aspect of your life and I can't even tell my parents we got married! I'm right, yet I end up alone, every single night.''

It was a flash of the moment when pain alighted his eyes, like a vicious lightning strikes the darkness of the sky. Blair's mouth was left agape as she grasped the hurt he felt, as an invisible fist clenched around her heart - the same fist that had his heart in a tight grip. But he had turned his back to her and pointedly stared out the window. She didn't see his face, but they were connected in a way that she felt everything he did.

''I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry,'' she conceded, shrugging miserably, anxious for him to look back at her. ''I don't expect you to understand me, but please - just trust me.''

Still, he stared out the window, down at the wet pavement and muddy puddles.

''Chuck, look at me,'' she faintly spoke, lightly tracing his arm with tips of her fingers. ''I love you - only you. Right now I feel the same thing you feel.''

''You know what I feel?'' he growled, turning to glare down at her. ''I feel I have no self-respect anymore.''

''Chuck, don't go,'' she pleaded as he turned to walk towards the doors, wanting to solve this here and now, wanting him to calm down because she was tired of fighting, of struggling against the current. They were supposed to stand united now and these morose feelings only brought back painful memories from the past.

''I need to be alone for a while,'' he muttered as his hand rested on a knob, his face hidden. ''Stay away from me, Blair.''

As he opened the doors, Morelli was on the other side about to enter and Chuck lost his cool. He abruptly grabbed Ed by the collar, furiously staring at him for a while before letting him go completely, as if he wasn't worth the effort, and disappeared into the crowded hallways.

* * *

_Why won't you pick up the phone?_

Next minute, another message came.

_Please answer me._

He sighed, planting the screen against his forehead as an indescribable ache took over. The phone vibrated and he squeezed his eyes shut before reading another text.

_I miss you._

The mellow feeling spread over his body. He missed her too, so much that it hurt more than anger. Chuck skipped going to class and spent the day trying to relax, since he seemed to find very little enjoyment in the overindulgence of scotch these days. Not even a gold facial and Elysian cleanse at the spa could make him feel better. Right now, he was sprawled on the couch in his apartment, TV on in the background to make him feel less alone, to keep himself away from rushing down to her.

There were nineteen missed phone calls from Blair that day. He wanted to answer each one of them, but his head told him to keep it cool. To keep her away from him. To punish her.

What could keep his heart still, though? Only the sound of her voice. Deep down, he knew he had no reason to be afraid of Morelli, he knew Blair liked him as a friend, he knew all those things and much more. Yet the fact that she withheld something from him, that she had placed someone else's sentiments over his - it was infuriating. The fact that her family fawned over Morelli tore him apart. He knew he was being selfish in a way, he knew he wasn't the only person in Blair's life, but he had always seen himself as her white knight.

The reality was that Chuck seemed to be more of a villain and it was the fact that crushed him.

His phone vibrated again, announcing another call from Blair. Chuck didn't feel angry anymore. He didn't feel sad. There was that terrifying feeling in the air - the absence of Blair. The clock ticked loudly, closing in on the night. He couldn't bear it anymore. Craving for her like madman, he was just about to answer the call when the doorbell rang. Chuck smiled to himself. She had risked getting upstairs to make peace and it only made him want to cradle her in his arms more.

Only, it wasn't Blair.

By the look of it, they seemed to be a mother and a daughter. Flashy jewelry adorned them, glinting against the too bright hall light. Both of them had luscious, tended brown hair, falling in neat soft curls below their shoulders. The mother's face was wrought with wrinkles which she tried so hard to cover up with heavy make-up. Her face was falling in such odd angle it gave away she was once using botox and stopped. Unlike her mean beady eyes, her daughter had wide grey eyes that perfectly fit into innocent, sweet look her face was giving off.

Chuck stared at the girl, as if he once accidentally saw her in the crowd, and a sinister feeling stirred in his guts, telling him he should remember her. The strong smell of their perfume had awoken a restlessness, as if foreseeing the storm.

''Good evening, Chuck,'' she spoke awkwardly as her mother nudged her forward. Her waxed eyebrows were knotted, showing insecurity and anxiety. She looked up at him under her full lashes. ''Do you remember me?''

Only then had he remembered. The girl he brought back home and slept with months ago to get back at Blair. The girl he decided to forget about as soon as his mission was accomplished. Just a mean to an end. And here she was, knocking at his doors.

Only now had he noticed large belly hiding under her silken Chanel dress.

''I'm pregnant,'' she stammered, rubbing her stomach in nervousness. ''You're going to become a father.''

It was as if a cannon ball hit his chest. Chuck stumbled back, petrified by the shock, and the mother seized the advantage to invite herself in the apartment. She looked around, inspecting every detail with hard scrutiny. The daughter swiftly followed, not knowing what to do.

''Wait,'' Chuck shut the doors after them, leaning heavily on a knob, feeling his whole body seized with a violent tremor. ''Just wait! You say I'm going to father a child, yet I don't even remember your name?''

The girl's mother snapped her head towards him, outraged and offended. ''I will assign this crudeness to your confusion!''

''You never asked me my name that night.'' Girl quietly spoke, looking down, blushing lightly. ''My name is Elle.''

''I don't believe this.'' He shook his head, staring at the girl. She didn't seem so shy that night. They were both drunk, just a stupid one-night stand. It was true he may have foregone asking the girl her name, but he was sure he used protection.

Or did he?

''Watch your mouth,'' the mother spoke, holding tightly to her shiny fur coat. ''You're not dealing with a mere janitor's family.''

''How about you take your own advice?'' he growled in annoyance, already deciding that he hated the woman. He ran a hand across his face, turning to look at Elle. ''Look, the night we spent together meant nothing. You can't just barge in here and declare me a parent.''

''Wait a moment,'' mother sharply spoke again, holding her daughter's forearm tightly, pulling her back behind her. ''Listen to me carefully, Charles Bass. I spent months dealing with my mentally shaken daughter. When we went to see the doctor, it was already too late. We've overstepped legal limit a long time ago. Elle can't perform an abortion, that is the reason why we're here.''

''I haven't slept with anyone since that night. '' Elle whispered, looking him straight in the eyes. ''I'm going to give birth to your child, I'm positive.''

''Why should I believe you?'' he spat as the chaos grew within him, as the realization of the consequences dawned upon him. In the midst of the dangerous tumult, only one he could think about was Blair. Blair. His wife, the only person he wanted to have a child with. ''I don't even know you!''

''Here,'' her mother rummaged through her Louis Vuitton bag, handing him the card. ''This is our doctor's business card. You can ask him anything you want. We have an appointment tomorrow at 9 am. You're expected there.''

* * *

Blair was coming back from class when two elegant women left the building and walked out on the street.

Something greater rooted her to the spot and the girl stopped too. Their eyes locked, a flash of recognition passed in the wide grey orbs of the daughter, and the mother smiled smugly, looking at Blair's poor, cheap outfit and face devoid of any makeup. She grinned maliciously, recognizing the penniless girl from the papers. Against her beautiful Elle, she didn't stand a chance.

Completely oblivious, something struck Blair's chest, as if a knife just passed through her ribs. She rubbed spot under her collarbone because her heart was, for some strange reason, beating wildly. That girl looked familiar, she thought as she watched the stylish family enter a cab and drive away.

Blair kept dropping things that day; plates, textbooks, pencils - even dropped Jessica as she supported her to change the light bulb. A foreboding feeling infested deep into her guts as Chuck continued to ignore her calls. Finally, somewhere after midnight, she sneaked out of the home and knocked at his doors.

She knew things between them were still amiss the moment he opened up. There was grimness in his expression and it increased as she closed the doors behind her.

''I kept calling you,'' she started, nervously clutching her fists, afraid to touch him lest he shrunk back from her. ''I kept texting you, but you didn't text me back.''

She noticed he refused to look at her and Blair couldn't feel have felt worse, she knew she had hurt him, she knew how complicated her life was. All he wanted was to love and be loved, but she continued to give him nothing but trouble. Chuck kept silent, unconsciously backing away.

''Scream at me,'' she begged, torn by suffering and guilt, taking a step towards him. ''Get angry, but please don't give me the silent treatment.''

Her lower lip trembled as she saw how sullen he looked, but then Chuck paused. He met her gaze and his eyes softened. Very slowly, as if it was paining him, he spread his arms open and she rushed into his embrace, drinking in his perfume.

''I'm sorry,'' he whispered shakily, holding her tighter. ''I'm sorry for everything.''

''No, I am,'' Blair buried her head in his broad chest, relief spreading over her body. Finally, she was able to breathe. ''You were right. We shouldn't wait any longer. We'll hold each other's hand and meet our families together.''

''I'm sorry,'' he repeated once again and her heart burst at the heartbreak in his voice. She leaned back to face him, cupping his face in her cheeks. Why was he so pale? Why were his eyes red, as if filled with tears?

''There's no need for you to apologize,'' she urged in comfort, wanting to make him feel good. Blair stretched herself on tip of her toes and started kissing him, knowing how to soothe him, but Chuck seemed to flinch away from her lips, holding her at bay.

''Go home, Blair,'' he mumbled, looking away, breathing heavily. Had he not forgiven her?

''I don't want to,'' she breathlessly said, trying to kiss him again, but Chuck seemed determined in keeping her at arm's length.

''Blair, please,'' he pressed on desperately, squeezing his eyes shut. His voice was firm as he said, ''Go home before somebody sees us.''

Moments ticked by in silence as she uneasily stared at him. With great effort, seeing how agitated he was by her presence at that moment, Blair succumbed. Unwillingly, thinking he needed more space, she nodded and left his apartment.

Chuck had forgiven her a long time ago, but the furthest thing from her mind would be that, right now, he couldn't forgive himself.


	44. Little Faith

**Chapter Forty-Four**

**Little Faith**

_''We've all got both light and dark inside of us._

_What matters is the part we choose to act on._

_That's who we really are.''_

* * *

''You'll ruin your manicure,'' Mother slapped her hand away from her mouth, as if she was still but a mere child.

''I'm scared.'' Elle whimpered, leaning her feet back on the heels to rest. They had already swollen up and the Manolos were an unbearable agony, everything below ankle throbbed painfully. Nevertheless, Mother had insisted on her wearing her fanciest, most expensive pair.

'_It's imperative that you look good_', Mother had insisted this morning while helping her shove on one shoe at a time since she could barely reach her own feet. '_You need to look your best for the papers_'.

''Let me put some make-up on you,'' Mother ignored her plea, as usual, and gently put on Chanel lipstick, shade Paris. She usually dabbed on just a little, to save it, but this time it was lavishly applied onto her daughter's plump, trembling lips.

''What if he denies it?'' Elle asked in concern, her hands drifting to her belly instinctively. ''What if-?''

''He won't,'' Mother smiled smugly, the way she did when everything went according to her plan. ''Trust me.''

Just then, Chuck showed up, slowly treading his way across the waiting hall. There was clear annoyance on his face, just a shade of trepidation hidden underneath. His shoulders were slumped in a frustrated, uncomfortable way, as if he would be rather sheep herding in Tibet right now than doing this.

The trio were ushered into a private room, and the doctor helped her lie down on the bed. Everyone patiently waited as the instruments were adjusted and until little screen on the side showed the moving form inside of her belly.

''Your son looks very healthy,'' Doctor praised with a smile, moving the cold slimy wand across her stomach.

''Do we have to wait until it's born to determine parenthood?'' Chuck immediately asked, annoyed and fed up with the artificial smiles and nods of approval, while a deep anxiety stirred in him. The scene seemed absurd, surreal. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be a moment he shared with Blair and their future son or daughter, rather than with a couple of unfamiliar strangers.

Determining the fatherhood was the only reason he come today, the sole reason he had chosen to abandon Blair by not giving her a ride to class.

''The insolence!'' the Mother hissed, her face darkening in embarrassment.

''In some cases,'' the doctor cleared her throat awkwardly, looking up at the alleged young father. ''We do not have to-''

''Great,'' he vigorously nodded, clenching his jaw. ''I want you to do it.''

''Unfortunately...'' the doctor suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at the entitlement of golden youth of Manhattan, how he had so rudely interrupted her. She had recognized them immediately, many of them being her former patients already. If only they had brains to use protection. But living off of their mistakes wasn't bad sort of income. ''That won't be possible in your case.''

''Why not?''

''She's been pregnant for twenty-two weeks already,'' the doctor went on dully, noticing the way boy paled, not feeling sorry for him in the least. ''We'd have to take liquid from placenta and in that way put baby's life in danger.''

* * *

''I think you should contact her aunt in Moscow.''' Allison nibbled on a strawberry macaron in worry.

It was barely breakfast time, when the young Manhattan elite were still asleep and recovering from the previous night's wild party, and slightly more mature individuals were attending business brunches and doing errands. Therefore, the Humphrey store on fifth avenue had a few hours of relative peace, for the ladies and their friend to have coffee undisturbed.

''If she wants it,'' Diana shrugged, purposely knotting her brows and appearing helpless. ''I say let Georgina call her aunt by herself.''

Diana took a nonchalant sip of the coffee, cursing the idiotic Humphreys for trying to meddle and bring up Georgina's aunt. If the woman flew over to the states, the plan had every chance of being ruined. Her aunt would probably see the horrendous mental state of her niece and demand to gain guardianship. That way, Millennium would slip between Diana's fingers.

From the corner of her eye, she saw little Jenny judging her, trying to read her, as if onto her deepest secret. In that moment, doors thankfully opened and the bell chimed, announcing a shopper.

The Humphrey ladies immediately stood up as they spotted who it was, but the newcomer paused, looking at them down her nose.

''Good day, Allison,'' she gently spoke, lines of her face standing very still. ''Jenny.''

Her eyes swept over Diana as the woman squirmed on the store couch, pretending not to see her.

''I was just passing by and decided to say hello, but I suppose I might come by later.''

With that, she gracefully turned around, her sateen coat swirling. But before reaching the door - Diana caught up.

''Evelyn, could it be that you're avoiding me?''

''Certainly not,'' she replied with pursed lips. ''If someone is supposed to keep away, it's you.''

''It doesn't bother me much what you've done to me,'' Diana narrowed her eyes, voice lowering down, as the woman dropped every pretense of politeness. Diana had been waiting for this day long enough, to finally get back at Bart's ex-wife. ''But I'll never forget what you did to my step-daughter.''

''You and motherhood,'' Evelyn smiled sardonically, cocking her head. ''I don't have to get to know you better to see you don't care about Georgina in the least.''

Evelyn, as a mother, felt things others could not. At the beginning, she had seen the way Diana treated Georgina, the way she used her to elevate herself, the way she manipulated late husband. Yet, nobody else noticed, or better yet - nobody cared.

''Now I realize why Bart hadn't been in a serious relationship for years.'' Diana sneered, crossing her arms.

''Is that the real problem?'' Evelyn grinned, exposing all of her pearly whites in a way lion would do before clamping his deadly mouth on a neck of a cheetah. ''You've noticed that earlier than I would have expected. What's wrong? Is Bart treating you in an ill manner?''

She paused, looking at the odious woman in her too tight dress and sky-high heels. There was too much makeup, and far too much jewelry. As if Bart would ever think of Diana as anything but something to keep his bed warm. As if anyone ever came close to him and what they had.

''I can't wait to see you the moment Bart gets bored of you completely,'' she finished arrogantly, putting on her gloves as a sign of the end of a conversation. ''Enjoy yourself while you can.''

* * *

''Are you sure you weren't with anyone else?'' Chuck seized the opportunity while the old leech was away to get something out of this girl. The petrifying terror stirred once again in him as the life he didn't intend for himself flashed in front of his eyes. How would he ever raise a child while trying to start a family with Blair? How could he ever tell her another girl might be carrying his offspring?

What if she leaves him?

''Who do you think I am?'' Elle flared up, flashing him a hurt look. ''How horrible of you! Just because I made a mistake one time, you think I'd be the type of girl that spends every night with a different guy?''

''I don't want to hurt you,'' he growled quietly, boring his eyes into her grey orbs. ''But I will. I don't believe that child is mine and I sure as hell don't believe it took you this long to notice you were pregnant.''

''You're just trying to wiggle away from this,'' she shook her head in disbelief. ''I spent months in shock and stupor. I knew you would deny being the father. If it weren't for my Mom, I'd have never gathered the courage to come to you. I would just get through the birth and you would never have known.''

The thought that somewhere, his child would roam the world, completely unaware of his heritage - stunned him. A part of him, drifting through the world alone, deprived of the love of a parent.

He wouldn't wish that on anyone.

''Why did you wait this long if you were so sure?'' he interrogated, taking a step towards her.

''Mother told you,'' she stammered, breathless and confounded. ''I got scared. I need time to pull myself together. In few months, when I give birth to our boy, you'll realize I was telling the truth and you'll regret this.''

Suddenly, Elle sharply breathed in and clutched her stomach. Before she could fall, for her knees have buckled, Chuck grabbed her under her arms and pulled her up. Thankfully, chauffeur showed up and Chuck handed her over to him, before taking the limo to pick up Blair from class.

''I didn't think you'd ever show up.'' Blair grumbled pouting as she entered the limo, taking off her soaked coat. She had been waiting for him for nearly an hour. ''Where were you?''

''I had some things to do.'' He smiled lightly, taking in her wet appearance. It was raining heavily outside. He noticed the rosy hue her cheeks caught as soon as there was but a little humidity in the air. Chuck wanted to put an arm around her shoulders and kiss top of her head for her hair smelled deliciously flowery when damp with rain.

Instead, he was afraid to touch her. Instead, he simply asked, ''Where are we going?''

''Since we're far from a regular couple,'' she looked over at him, her eyes shining with peculiar brightness. ''We'll try to be one today. We're gong to the movies.''

Chuck bit his lower lip, his heart clenching as it sped up. He felt guilty for keeping something away from her. Though it might ruin the day, she needed to know. He needed to tell her otherwise it would eat him out from inside. Inhaling deeply, he began, ''Blair-''

''Stop,'' she cut him short, pulling her palm up. There was no-nonsense look over her face, a determination which everyone envied her for and consequently, everyone feared. ''I don't want to hear it. I sense, by the way you keep shifting your jaw, what you have to say would rain on my parade. Not today, Chuck Bass. Not today.''

''Today is a normal day,'' Blair sang, pushing her hair back. ''Today, we're a normal couple. No Chuck and Blair jiggery-pokery. I've decided, I'm going to tell my dad about us - tomorrow. It's his last check-up at the doctor. Dan and Jessica will be away for the day, I'll seize the opportunity.''

* * *

''Chuck,'' she forcefully whispered into the phone as he picked up that night, making a big effort to keep her voice down. She was livid with rage and concern. ''Where are you?''

Midnight passed and he hadn't shown up at her window as he usually did. Her calls once again went unanswered, as if they've had another fight. Which they didn't, as far as she knew. The movie date had gone perfectly, though she had noticed he didn't pay attention to the screen at all. Something was bothering him, something which he refused to share with her. Her stomach stirred unpleasantly, nudging her to dig deeper.

''Home.'' he drawled on the other end of the line, voice dull and sluggish - devoid of that crazy, stupid love he almost always emitted.

''What happened?'' Blair asked worriedly, picking on heavy, somber emotions. Was he drunk? Why would he be drunk in the middle of the week? Chuck had quit his vices a long time ago. What had him so upset?

''Nothing.'' he clipped.

''What's wrong?''

''_Nothing_.''

Too many nothings, she noted.

''You sound bad.'' Blair bit her cheeks as alarm prickled in the back of her head. Something was definitely wrong.

''It's nothing,'' he sighed deeply. ''Go to sleep, Blair. I'll talk to you tomorrow.''

The line went dead. Blair stared at the phone in disbelief with her mouth hanging open. In no way near was she done with the conversation. Now vividly perturbed and somewhat annoyed, she flung the covers away and put on her old jumper to keep warm. Making sure everyone in the house was snoring and soundly asleep, she carefully threaded on the balls of her feet until finally getting out. Only minutes later, she was at his doorstep.

''Oh, God,'' Blair took in his disheveled appearance as he opened the doors; hooded lids, glossed eyes and mess of a hair. She saw two glasses on the table and nearly finished bottle of scotch. Nate must have been here, the pair of them getting sloshed together. What had triggered the hammered episode?

''What are you doing here?'' he gazed down at her with a dose of ardor, bewilderment and pain - his breath a mix of mint and liquor.

''You don't seem well,'' she gently stroked his cheek as they stood in the hall, doors still half-open. ''You drank too much. Love, everything is going to be okay soon.''

''It will.'' He nodded, as if that was exactly what he needed to hear. Chuck took her hands into his, holding her tightly as though his body wanted to do the opposite of what he was saying. ''Now go downstairs before someone sees you.''

Very slowly, he cupped her face in his hands, feeling the silky smoothness of her perfect porcelain skin. Enticed, he stared at her lips. The dazzling, bewitching lips. ''I love you so much, Blair.''

''I love you too,'' she smiled tenderly, kissing him on the mouth. They said goodnight and after Chuck closed the doors, and Blair walked out - a figure awaited her at the hall. It was an ungodly hour and light flickered, making the apparition even more terrifying. A chill went down Blair's spine as Georgina stared at her, motionless, looking like a corpse. As always, there were deep circles under her eyes, signs of insomnia, her hair matted into a gruesome mess, clothes worn for days.

''I heard your voice,'' Georgina rasped, staring at Blair without blinking, voice eerily echoing in the empty hall. Her eyes were wide open, the darkness of the iris encompassing, darting around the room.

''Georgie,'' Blair slowly started, aware what just happened, aware they had been seen. They had been seen by one person mad about Chuck, by one person always jealous of Blair - and one person who was currently mentally unstable. ''Nobody knows.''

''So you've made up,'' her twitching friend said, gnawing on her bottom lip until it bled, dripping down her chin. ''But nobody knows? Or - wait - you've never even broken up?''

Blair braced herself for another meltdown, for another attack from her, but nothing happened.

''I'm really happy for you,'' Georgina's lips curved into what appeared to be a smile, blood staining her front tooth. ''Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone you guys are together. I swear I won't, Blair. Don't be scared of me.''

* * *

In the morning, on Blair's way to class, Georgina had been patiently waiting for her on the street. This time, she seemed to have restored her old glory. Sun shone upon her washed hair, pale face looking refreshed with a touch of make-up.

''I want things to be as they were before,'' she declared with an insecure smile, effectively blocking her way. ''You and Chuck should come and have dinner with me tonight.''

''I don't think that is going to happen.'' Blair replied hesitantly, taking a moment to register the surprise request.

''Please, B.'' Georgie pleaded, her hands clasped together as if she was praying. ''I'm helping you out here. I won't tell anyone about you two being together! Please, save me from loneliness - at least for tonight.''

Something struck Blair's heart as she regarded her lost childhood friend. If this was a month ago, Blair would have never accepted the invitation. But Georgie seemed to be getting better, seemed to be doing well. They've almost bonded, though never as they were before. Blair knew in details all the horrendous stuff she'd been through, from losing her family to being abandoned by the only person that was supposed to care for her.

With this in mind, she hesitated, ''I can't promise anything for Chuck.''

''I know he's angry with me,'' G. said sullenly, looking down at the tip of her shoes. ''But you are supposed to be the hostile one. Can you please talk him into it? For me?''

Her friend looked up, staring at her from under her thick eyelashes. ''I really need your help, B.''

Feeling sorry for her, Blair barely nodded when Georgina grinned, hopping off and getting into the cab. Her father came from the opposite way the yellow car drove off, sluggishly walking towards her.

''How are the results?'' she inquired with apprehension, quickly putting her arm under his and helping him into the lobby.

''Doctor said results are good,'' Bob rasped, tired with the journey he'd been through this morning. ''I should keep up with my diet.''

''Great,'' she beamed at him, knowing the time to tell him about her unity with Chuck was almost here. ''I wanted to tell you I'll be having dinner with Georgina tonight.''

''No,'' her father stopped, looking at her sternly. He pulled back his arm from over hers. ''Absolutely not, that girl is not good for you.''

''Dad, she's alone,'' Blair secretly flared up, hating the way he tried to control her life once again. If she wanted to have dinner with G., she would damn do so. ''Alone in a big apartment and taking medications, but completely isolated and lonely.''

''Why can't she have dinner at our home?''

Blair suppressed rolling of the eyes, thinking how Sparks huge dining room with mahogany table for ten could hardly compete with one smelly room in her home that served both as a kitchen and a living room. Besides, her father would never let Chuck enter their home.

''Georgina is my oldest friend. Remember back when her parents were still alive, I often ate together with them.''

''May they rest in peace,'' Bob wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, remembering late Sparks with a great amount of respect. He mulled over the matter and finally said, ''Very well, you may do us. Only because her parents were good people, but I don't trust the girl, Blair. Neither should you.''

* * *

''Hall only takes a hundred people, '' Blair corrected haughtily, peering over at his notes. ''You wrote down too many. You'll have us go bankrupt.''

The last person left Management club and she breathed out in relief, her face turning from an arrogant scowl to an anxious grimace. Blair gently put her hand over his, ''What's wrong? Your sulking silence is wiring me up.''

''Sorry,'' he distraughtly replied, shaking his head. ''It's nothing, let's just finish this.''

''I don't care about this stupid assignment,'' Blair moaned, bothered by the way he downplayed whatever was on his mind. Worst of all, he refused to talk to her. ''You've been like this for past couple of days. I don't know what to do anymore.''

She bit her lip, guessing what was bothering him. Blair remembered she promised to announce their marriage to her father, but it didn't happen yet. He must be getting impatient. ''Everything is about to change soon, trust me.''

''I trust you,'' he managed a weak, tired smile, squeezing back her fingers. ''Now go, you'll be late to class.''

She stared at him, feeling herself becoming bundle of nerves by the way he pretended everything was alright while the dark cloud hung low on his brow. And now, he was sending her away.

''I'll be at Georgina's tonight,'' she grumbled, shoving things in her purse, fed up with the way conversation turned out.

''Georgina?'' he repeated with a disbelief and repulsion. ''Is it because she had seen us? Is she blackmailing you?''

''No,'' Blair gave him a pointed, exasperated look. ''Far from it, she's lonely every since Diana left. She's been feeling bad about everything. Look, Georgina even invited us to have dinner at her place tonight - a reconciliation gesture.''

''Us?'' he groaned, rolling his eyes.

''You don't have to go if you don't want to.'' Blair snapped, gathering her things. How did he feel no sympathy towards the girl, especially since he used G. at the beginning of the semester to get his revenge? ''I'll see you at eight if you decide to show up.''

* * *

Jenny was running to meet with Elaine Welteroth, one of Teen Vogue editors. It took her more time than usual to perfect her smoky eyes make-up. Elevator doors opened and she rushed in, knocking into someone. At the impact, Georgina dropped her shopping bags, groceries sprawling over the floor.

Lil. J sighed, thinking it would be bad karma to just dive into the elevator and not help pick up the things, though it was insufferable Georgina.

''You've got to be joking.'' Jenny quirked her eyebrow, looking at a box of rat poison in her hands. ''What's this for?''

Georgina quickly snatched it out of her hands, shoving it into a bag. ''I hear those pests crawling in my apartment at night.''

''Oh, please,'' blonde scoffed, picking up a box of marinara. ''There are no mice in this building.''

''It's just a precaution,'' Georgina pointed out, clutching her bags to her chest and swiftly entering her condo.

''What a psycho,'' Jenny muttered to herself as she dashed into the elevator, praying that Elaine hadn't left just yet.

Later that evening, Blair walked into Sparks apartment. With an appraising eye, she watched the lavishing table set. Georgina laid out the best silken tablecloth and fanciest china.

''It smells delicious,'' she noted, surprised at her cooking skills. ''You've gone overboard, though. This is too much.''

''It looks like something Diana would pull out,'' her friend laughed and only then did Blair notice the way she overdressed for the occasion. Unlike her, Blair herself came in regular clothes - a pair of jeans and a sweater. ''Doesn't it? Well, whatever, the table is appropriately set for this special occasion.''

''Trust me,'' Georgina smiled, boring her eyes into her. ''This night will be worth it.''

Only moments after, Chuck joined them, obviously unwilling to be here. He had dressed all in black, thinking to himself to honor the occasion with appropriate mourning color. They had all sat at the table and their hostess served them each a portion of ravioli with creamy tomato sauce. Both of them ate, Blair much more since she was starving, while Georgina shuffled food around her plate, beaming at them.

''How funny it is to have you here?'' she began, playing with a flickering light of the candle on the table. ''We're having a decent meal together. Who would have thought? But we've always gone through strange things together, haven't we Blair?''

Chuck sipped a glass of red wine, staring at the girl with wary eyes.

''Only last year,'' she continued, reverting her dark eyes at her childhood friend, ''I never would have imagined you to be Chuck's girlfriend or that he would love you this much.''

Blair chewed down on the food, taking a quick sip of water. Something in her guts squirmed gruesomely.

''Or that you would be lying through your teeth about everything.'' Georgina finished dully, her voice quickly losing the agreeable shade.

''Drop it.'' Chuck sharply warned, making a visible effort not to seem too rude - on account of his wife. Blair dropped her fork, placing her hand against her mouth in silent outrage.

''I shared my secrets with you,'' their hostess went on persistently, ignoring him, her anger building up. The darkness of her eyes flashed, finally unveiling itself. ''I told you how I felt about Chuck. You kept listening to me, all the while screwing with him behind my back.''

''Get up,'' Chuck grit through his teeth, looking pointedly at Blair. ''We're leaving.''

They had both rose, pushing back their chairs and odious, sing-song voice followed them as they walked through the hall, ''Lying is contagious.''

Chuck pushed at the knob, but it wouldn't budge. The doors were locked.

''Blair has infected you,'' Georgina called out from the dining room, slowly sipping her glass of mineral water. They said it isn't good to mix alcohol and pills. She thought herself smart enough to listen to her doctor. ''It's like a mean disease.''

''Unlock the doors!'' he ordered, going back, loosing his bow-tie for it seemed to be too tight.

''Bad,'' Georgina stared at them, without really seeing them. The thirst for blood was in the air. ''You're both bad. You've been making fun of me and my love for you.''

''Open the doors!'' he snarled, shoving a plate down on the floor in anger.

''Chuck,'' Blair whimpered, clutching her stomach. ''I don't feel so good.''

He caught her as she fell down into his arms, only now seeing how pale she became. Large beads of sweat formed on her forehead, falling down her temple. He himself felt on fire, and his vision began to blur.

''I tried to help you, Chuck.'' Georgina rose, holding her glass of water as if she was about to salute. ''I offered you my hand, yet you have rejected me every time. You have rejected me because of this manipulative liar.''

Georgina laughed as Blair's eyes rolled into the back of her head, shadows in the corners maliciously laughing alongside her. Saliva dripped down their sharp fangs as they stared at the chaos that ensued. This was their idea. This was their brilliant plan.

''You can't be helped, Chuck. I can't do anything for you anymore.''

''You've gone crazy.'' he coughed, feeling his tie was choking him, feeling his clothes were too heavy to bear.

''Perhaps,'' she shrugged airily, lighting a cigarette. ''Or perhaps you have both driven me crazy. You didn't back away, Blair. You didn't listen. What was I supposed to do?''

''Chuck found out about your lies because I told him so,'' she mused with a malevolent smile, deeply inhaling a smoke. ''I first saw you two at Chuck's birthday. I found out about your lies and schemes. Later on, I devised a plan which was easily executed.''

The love couple held onto each other, fire ripping through their stomach, and as they heaved breaths - both of them watched the monster reveal itself.

''I have won,'' Georgina's grin fell, her face forming into a grimace. Shadows enclosed on her and she could feel their sharp claws crawling over her skin. _Kill_, they chanted. _Kill_. ''But in truth, I have lost. You stole what was supposed to be mine.''

''The prince,'' Chuck grunted, suppressing a the urge to retch. He remembered the day he first came to Georgina, and that old song was playing, the faint smell of cigarettes lingered in the air. He had now remembered it vividly - the trick she played on him. ''The magazines, the throne - you were talking about yourself!''

''We'll all be better off if she died right now. Everyone, including her family. What a pest she is, and pests need to be exterminated.''

Having no strength to stand up, they had crashed down together. Chuck clutched on the silken tablecloth in dire need of support, and the whole dinner came hurling down on the floor, priceless china breaking into pieces. Georgina calmly sat on the chair next to their heads, watching life fade out of their eyes as she smoked her cigarette in peace.

She watched them spasm in unthinkable agony as dark, flickering shadows danced around them, singing in delight - their red eyes gleaming.

Chuck was still half-conscious, reaching out for his wife's hand. He coughed, spitting out blood, ''Georgina, let us go.''

''You didn't listen to me,'' she shook her head in pity, admiring the way their bodies slowly transitioned into looking like corpses. It was beautiful, it was art. ''I told you many times, yet you didn't listen. Now what? Was she worth of it?''

''I'm sorry, Chuck,'' suddenly, faintest of the voices could be heard coming from between Blair's blue lips. Hovering somewhere between two worlds, she whispered the apology into the black void, stars slowly dying out to make way for the darkness. ''I forced you to come with me.''

''Blair,'' he made an effort to turn around towards her, smallest movement searing his flesh. Upon seeing the state she was in - unmoving, eyes closed - a shiver ran down his spine. Fear fueled whatever consciousness there was left in him. ''Don't give up! Hold on, just a little bit.''

Every word he uttered burned his throat, but he had to keep going, he had to keep her alive.

''I have forgiven you, Blair.'' Georgina declared as she neatly put out the smoke in the ashtray nearby, though the entire floor was covered with dinner and wine. ''I managed to do it, despite the fact that you have stolen my entire life. But you have played a trick on me again. Once again, you have stabbed me in the back.''

''Call 911,'' Chuck moaned, vertigo setting in. Ceiling spun between his lids, making him want to throw up even more. Slowly, he could feel himself beginning to go numb. It started from his feet and worked it's way up his body.

''This is all your fault, Blair! I'll never let you hurt me again.'' Georgina barked, pursing her lips as flickering shadows roared, demanding more blood, more gore. Blair's phone rang and she peered at it, shoving a ravioli off the screen with her heel. Georgina diabolically smiled as she the read name off the screen. ''Oh, look. It's your mother. Do you want to talk to your mommy one last time?''

The phone continued to ring persistently, as if knowing what was going on, and Georgina pressed her heel against the vibrating device. Her eyes filled with darkness as they glowered at the dying girl on the floor, ''If you were a good friend to me, none of this would have happened. Admit it already. Admit that you've destroyed our childhood and our friendship.''

''Say something,'' Chuck panted after eerie silence met them, nudging her stiff shoulders. ''Blair, open your eyes!''

But Blair lay unresponsive, her body turning cold.

* * *

**A/N:** _Cliffhanger_... I know... So many things happening at once. Anyway, whadya fink of the fic so far? Any clues what will happen?

Can you imagine someone was dumb enough to post this pic on Wattpad? And they used my avatar as story picture? Lmao? I laughed my arse off and then reported it. It was taken down day after. I mean, thank you for the compliment, but girl. lol. I'm sure you're smart enough to use your own brain and write a story that would be yours, original and unique.

Happy Valentine's Day!


	45. Set The World On Fire

**Chapter Forty-Four**

**Set The World On Fire**

* * *

_''We must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.''_

* * *

There was an eerie silence in the air and her lids fell droopingly as if just woken up from a long, laborious dream. A nightmare she could but distinctly remember. Her head hurt. Her throat was parched. Looming cloud hung above and she thought it was trying to warn her. Turn around, it whispered. For some reason, she was afraid to see what was waiting behind her back. An impending phantasm.

''Can't you hear me?'' the rasping voice said, like a nail sliding over chalkboard, trying to gain her attention.

She rolled her head at the sound, still staring at the wall. Goosebumps crawled over her pale arms, purple veins forking out like a lightning.

''Turn around and look what you've done to us!''

The venom in the tone, she could recognize it anywhere. Upon seeing him on the floor, Georgina's face gradually turned into a horrified grimace.

''Chuck,'' she gasped, her body beginning to tremble with unknown fear. ''I didn't want it to turn out like this.''

Her eyes caught the motionless corpse on the floor next to him, colored in yellow.

''I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted Blair to be my best friend, forever.'' She wiped a tear that slid off her cheek, surprised to find it there. ''But she has betrayed me too many times. I didn't kill her. I really didn't, she did it herself! She did it. Not me.''

Shakily, she knelt by Chuck and, despite his groans of protest, took his head onto her lap. She gently caressed his raven hair, damp with sweat. ''I wanted to save you.''

''Help us,'' he rasped, his throat burning and with a final, sudden burst of energy, laid his hand over Georgina's. Before falling unconscious, he had seen the glint in her eyes, a sign of warmth.

How strange it was that a single act of kindness, of love, was all it took to get her back from the grasp of flickering shadows.

* * *

''I don't understand what is the police doing here,'' Serena bit her nails as Nate wrapped his arm around her shoulder. ''I don't understand anything.''

She eyed Blair's brother and her gaze traveled over to closed doctor's office, where Georgina sat - speechless, eyes glazed. The stunned girl hadn't spoken a word since calling for help from her apartment, regardless of the countless questions directed at her way.

''Doctor said it was food poisoning,'' Nate ran a hand over his face, filling her up on the details for he was the one to come in here first. Dan was already there, though, hunched in the corner the entire time, darkly staring at the floor. It appeared he rode here with the ambulance.

''Poisoning?'' Jenny said behind their back, hearing the last part of the conversation. She was holding her puppy tightly, eyes darting from one person to another. ''Food poisoning?''

''Since when is police dealing with food poisoning?'' Serena wondered out loud after greeting her friend, lost in thought. ''Unless...''

''Chuck and Blair took the hit, but Georgina remained unharmed.'' Her boyfriend caught on, everyone mulling over the same thing, a thing which nobody dared to speak out loud. An accusation.

Why hadn't Georgina ended up poisoned as well?

Jenny gasped, clutching a hand over her mouth in horror and ran out. Like an abrupt shift of the tide, the waiting hall immediately filled up and soon everyone that mattered was gathered in a small space. There was tension in the air as two families warily watched each other, but questions hung over everyone's head. What happened? Why did it have to be my child?

''It was her!'' Evelyn lashed out in misery and anger, while Bart clasped her to restrict her taking another step closer to the cursed family. ''It was their daughter that did it!''

''What are they doing here?'' Bob asked his son, cloud low over his brow as he regarded arrogant, devious people. ''What do they have to do with our Blair?''

Dan hid his face into the palm of his hands, not wanting to be the one to break the news of Blair's secrets and lies. His sister has asked to go to dinner with Georgina, but still ended up with that idiot of a guy that only used her and threw her away. Dan had seen them as paramedics rolled them out of the apartment on a stretcher, their hands linked. She had broken her promise to her father. Once again, she betrayed her family.

''Is the family of Blair Bass here?'' A nurse came from the operating room and effectively startled everyone in the waiting hall. Disbelieving, tense silence ensued.

''What?'' Bart spat in disgust, being first one to speak up. Someone as common as that lying idiot, to bear his grand last name - even as a joke? It was an outrage.

''I'm sure you got her last name wrong,'' Bob spoke up awkwardly as the nurse, fed up with waiting for the family of Blair Bass, impatiently approached. ''I'm her father.''

''That's what it says on her ID, Sir.'' the nurse testily flipped, shrugging as if it wasn't her concern. Pencil poised over a paper in her hands, she asked, ''Is your daughter allergic to anything? Unfortunately, since her husband is still unconscious, you'll have to provide us with whatever information you have. I have several questions for you.''

''A husband?'' Serena gasped, looking up at her boyfriend. Nate raised his palms, eyes wide in bafflement.

''My son has gotten married?'' Evelyn's mouth was left open in shock, as tears slid down her red cheeks. ''He married that liar!''

''Let me go!'' she fumed, perfect chignon on her head turning into a mess the more she evaded the restraining hands. ''Bart, let go of me!''

''Congratulations,'' the crying woman shook off her ex husband, fiercely staring down at the dumbfounded other half of the people which were mere dirt of this world, hiding behind their rags and fishing for pity. ''You've finally succeeded in saving your daughter! Nothing but a liar! Ashamed of being janitor's daughter! She was always ashamed of you!''

''What are you saying?'' Bob, enraged by the obscenities and confused by the accusation, pushed the glass of water away which his son brought him. He could feel his heart painfully hammering.

''Give me a break,'' Bart glared, grabbing his ex-wife by her forearm with gentleness nobody knew he was capable of, and steered her away. ''As if you didn't know about your daughter's lies.''

''What?'' Bob snapped, breathing heavily. His mind turned into a whirlwind as the reality hidden behind a curtain of skillfully made-up explanations and broken promises came crashing down.

''She's been trying to do that for over a year,'' Bart scoffed, narrowing his eyes viciously. ''Even lied to my son that her father owns a hotel. Ridiculous, right? All so she could trap Chuck with a marriage and suck him dry to get out of that hellhole.''

''Gentlemen,'' one of the police officer came by as he heard the ever-growing commotion. ''Please calm down, or I'll be forced to take precautions.''

* * *

Blair had woken up with a pounding headache. It only worsened as latest memories broke drug-induced haze and drifted to the surface of consciousness. Her former best friend tried to kill her. Her former best friend tried to kill the love of her life.

Remembering the searing pain of her abdomen, she clutched her stomach, calling for only one person that was on her mind. ''Chuck?''

Had he survived? Was he okay?

Dozens of haunting scenarios played over her head as she detached tubes from her arm with shaking hands.

What if something happened to him? The fear was all-consuming, gripping her body into a tight fist. Her legs almost gave out as her barren feet hit the floor. Resolved to find him, she stumbled to the doors, opening them up and calling his name once again, ''Chuck?''

She was growing desperate to find him, turning hall after hall, every second of his absence as painful as being slowly killed again.

''Miss,'' a nurse had met her, firmly taking her by the hand. ''You shouldn't have gotten out of bed.''

Blair flinched from her grip, flashing her a glare. ''Where's Chuck Bass?''

''You have acquired your covert goal?'' A velvety, but bitter voice came from behind.

Turning around, she saw Evelyn exit a room similar to one she was in just earlier, closing doors behind her. Was he in there? Judging by his mother's calm, but furious face, he must be alive. Her heart marveled at the fact, aching to be in his arms once more.

''Get out of my way,'' she hissed as Evelyn put a hand on the door frame to block her entry, staring down at her with disgust.

''What else will happen to him because of you? Your sick friend had nearly killed him because of lies you spewed. Everything that happened to my son is your fault.''

''I said,'' Blair curled her upper lip, smelling his perfume from just outside of the hall, everything in her burning to be with him. ''Get out of my way.''

''Don't be so sure of yourself,'' his mother continued on with her fiery speech. ''Your marriage means nothing to us. It's worthless.''

Fed up with demeaning words, not even caring that she knew about their marriage, Blair roughly removed her hand from the frame and entered the room. What she failed to see was a shadow of a man, worriedly following her, wanting to protect her from all the bad things that circled her like a vulture. Yet, Morelli thought to himself, drawing back to where he came from, he might be overstepping his welcome. Blair was a married woman now.

Her world stopped as she saw him, asleep on the hospital bed. She tiptoed around his bed, not wanting to wake him up. As if he could feel her presence, as if his soul detected hers, Chuck woke up, rubbing his lids. Their eyes clashed and world regained its colors. The darkness finally faded out.

''Finally.'' He murmured, spreading his arms as an invitation. Blair hurled into his embrace, burying her head into the crook of his neck. She could feel his lips on top of her head, showering her with a selfish affection of a lover. Thousands of different emotions went through her, but all she thought was how blessed they were to still be together, despite the countless, almost relentless storms.

* * *

After they were sound enough to give official statements, police moved out of their room and once again met at main doctor's office. Georgina sat on the chair, motionless, eyes like two bulbs devoid of light.

''Miss Georgina will await trial,'' a senior officer spoke, trying not to stare at smooth, silky looking legs of kids' mother. ''After reviewing her medical files, and discussing the options during an extensive consultation with the main doctor and head judge, it's been agreed that Georgina Sparks, the accused, will have to defend herself from the psychiatric department at Grace hospital.''

''I'll always be next to you,'' Diana softly spoke, putting her hand over the stiff shoulder of her step-daughter. The role she had been assigned to was played to perfection. The caring, worried mother. ''Don't worry, everything is going to be alright.''

After hastily signing few papers, they had foregone cuffing Georgina, and Diana watched her go, the orchestra of victory and power playing inside of her dark, rotten heart. The medical file, which she so carefully constructed with switching the pills with vitamins, was her finest work of art. With every ounce of strength she possessed, Diana fought smile not to break on her face.

''Don't you think a private clinic would be a better option?'' Allison interrupted her smug musings, worried about the poor kid and her mental health. Wouldn't something private ensure better medical help and aid Georgina's recovery?

''We can't choose, Allie.'' Her neighbor replied with feigned sorrow, perfectly aware of the lie. She would be damned to spend a penny on that crazy murderer. The chips have fallen, but much more turbulently than she had planned. Finally, Millennium was hers. ''The judge decides. I'm sure it's a decent hospital.''

Grace hospital, the lowest form of America's public health - crawling with corrupt doctors and careless nurses. Everyone on the underground knew, for everyone with low status was forced to go there. Diana knew, yet her neighbors were clueless.

''I never thought,'' Jenny stammered, twiddling her thumbs, feeling guilty. ''I mean I saw the poison, but I never thought she would do something like this.''

''Honey,'' Allison brushed the blond hair from her face with motherly affection. ''Who would have thought? Don't blame yourself.''

''What does that mean?'' Diana archly asked, flaring up with a rancid feeling that was rolling in her stomach, growing bigger. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, silently accusing, silently judging. ''Am I to be blamed?''

''I never said that.'' Jenny's mother shook her head, momentarily caught by violent reaction.

''But you were hinting at it! Who else is here supposed to be blaming themselves?''

''If you happen to feel guilty,'' Allison's eyes flashed with irritation, annoyed by a lack of respect and candor. ''I'm sure you have your reason for it.''

''Darling,'' she turned around to her daughter, ignoring evil eye her neighbor was currently giving her. ''You gave your statement, you did what you had to do. Let's go home now, you need some rest. ''

* * *

''This is it,'' Blair dejectedly said, though the words were supposed to be spoken with excitement, and would have been, if only the situation had turned out differently. ''They know we're married. They know of my lies. Jessica told me before she left. They didn't even bother to wait until I was awake.''

Somehow, she felt nothing. The fact didn't bother her nor please her.

''I'm sorry it didn't go as we planned it,'' Chuck kissed the palm of her hand, effectively dispersing the indifference. His kiss was nothing but magic, his touch something from another world. ''But, I'm pleased that everyone finally knows.''

A knock interrupted their conversation and a nurse peeked her head in. ''Miss, could I please escort you back to your room, the doctor will come see you shortly.''

Though unwilling to part from him, Blair nodded and rose. Chuck pulled her in for short, sweet kiss. His eyes gleamed as he said, ''Don't worry. Today we got a clean slate.''

The optimism he seemed to radiate bounced off her skin, leaving her inside stirring with a strange feeling. His smile was infectious and she tightly smiled back, but as she opened the doors to go out, Chuck's parents waited at the other end. Wanting to avoid another fight in front of him, she proudly stalked past them and went back to her own room in silence. There had been enough rough sensations today to last them a lifetime.

''Thank God you're okay,'' Evelyn trembled as she got in, sitting on the bed beside her son. Bart followed, glowering at the lying girl that had just left, gritting his teeth.

''I'm not going to say anything,'' his ex-wife clipped, clutching their son's hand. He was ruined, yet he could barely seem to realize that. That girl will be nothing but heartbreak and misery. She will crush his heart.''You made such a grave mistake that I can't do anything anymore.''

''Mother,'' he hissed, getting up, infuriated by their lack of understanding. ''I can fathom you're surprised. But please, hear me out and try to understand-''

''All that you wanted to say to us has been said with this - this - this _marriage_.'' Evelyn let out a sob, another stunt of self-victimized drama, as if the world had been hit with another plague and everyone would die except her. ''You don't even realize what you did to us and to yourself.''

''I didn't want you to find out like this,'' Chuck said calmly despite her interruption, buttoning up his new, crisp shirt. Weren't his parents supposed to heed his choices and love the people he loved? Wasn't it supposed to be like that in a normal family? Except, this family was anything but normal. He had nearly died and they jumped at his throat as soon as possible. ''Considering your behavior, you left us no choice.''

''Because it is the only way she could marry you,'' His mother forcefully whispered, eyes filled with disgust and ruined by expensive mascara. ''Secretly, so nobody knows.''

''Mother, I don't think this is a good time to talk about that,'' he clenched his jaw, picking up a blazer from a nearby chair - fed up with her disrespect towards his wife. ''I'm not going to listen to this.''

''I don't want to do it either,'' she shut her eyes. ''I don't want to listen how deluded you are, how you're destroying your life.''

''That's enough,'' Chuck snapped, quickly shoving on his blazer. ''Don't stoop to insults now. Look, Blair and I are married. You need to respect that.''

Bart, who had been watching the exchange silently from the corner, abruptly stood up.

''Respect!'' he snarled, livid at his son's countenance and careless attitude. ''As if you know the first thing about it! Where's your respect towards your last name? As if one of those filthy, nameless coattail riders is good enough for our family!''

''Father,'' Chuck threatened loudly, eyes blazing fire. ''Don't you dare-''

Doors clicked open and in walked the person of question, cautiously pausing at the doorway, getting the grasp of the alarming situation.

''You'll never be a true Bass!'' Bart spat, raising his clutched fist. ''I'll take back that last name you conned out.''

''Enough!'' His son roared, coming to stand next to his wife. His onyx eyes flashed ferociously, ready to fight the whole world for Blair.

His parents shared a look, frightened by the intimidating demeanor of their son. Both of them abruptly left the room, one with a broken heart and other with hot, furious head. In some form of unspoken, silent agreement, Bart held open the doors of his limo for Evelyn and she walked in - as if this was twenty years ago, as if they were still husband and wife, riding home together.

''I don't suppose you mean to continue that partnership?'' Evelyn closed Chanel compact powder after some moment of silence as she fixed her make-up, setting it back into her Birkin bag. ''You don't mean to do business with that insane lunatic?''

''I'll do something,'' Bart stated darkly, looking out on the gray streets, rain slowly starting to fall down against the muddy cement. The crease on his forehead only seemed to deepen.

''What are we going to do?'' she anxiously whispered, looking at her ex-husband for aid, the last person she would willing ask for help only yesterday. But these were dire times, times of abhorrence and absurd, times of need.

''Chuck will be punished for his insolence,'' he simply spoke, as if ordering lunch. ''I'll go overboard, just like he did. I'll disinherit him. We'll see how long will that floozy remain married to him.''

''I'll never forget the moment I heard that penniless witch with our last name.'' He grumbled, his mind far from his son, spotlight on the blemish that his last name carried now. He was dreading the moment when everyone on Manhattan would find out about this humiliation. Oh, how they will laugh at him. Big Bart Bass and The Heir involved with a mere nobody. A proper Cinderella story.

* * *

''Why aren't they happy?' Serena wondered, watching Chuck's parents storm out of the hospital. ''I knew Georgina was obsessed with him, but I never thought she would be crazy enough to kill him.''

Shortly after, the newly wedded coupled emerged and Serena threw her arms around her best friend.

''I'm glad you're okay,'' she murmured as he patted her back. Blond took a step back and offered her hand to Blair. ''Get well soon, B. I believe congratulations are in order too. It seems I've missed out a lot.''

''Thank you,'' Blair shook her hand, not having time to dwell on her issues with Serena, but a part of her was pleased by cordial meet. At least someone thought well of their marriage.

''How about we all go to my place?'' Nate offered, looking inquisitively at them.

''No,'' Blair quickly shot, mentally steeling herself. ''Chuck and I are going home.''

Half an hour later, they were in a lobby of their building. As if destiny wasted no time, Bob was hunched over the steps that led to the first floor, cleaning them with a rag. Dan stood next to him, trying to persuade him to give up on the errand and let him do it.

Brokenhearted, she watched her father toil when she knew there was no strength left in him.

''Daddy'' the word trembled out of her mouth and she let go of Chuck's hand, taking a step towards her family. Dan sharply turned around, but Bob froze, not daring to look behind.

''A kingdom built on lies. It suits you,'' her brother said with a dull voice before disappearing back into the home, back into the basement.

''Dad,'' she once again tried, brushing off the comment that stabbed her right in the heart. ''I came to shake your hand.''

Blair stared at his back as he said with a tired voice. ''May God bless your marriage, but I will never forget how you trampled on your family with your lies.''

''I'm ashamed of what I have done,'' her voice broke as she went on. ''I'll always be ashamed of myself. I can beg you to forgive me, but I'll never be able to justify myself. I know I made a horrible mistake.''

''But Chuck and I are in love,'' she smiled through agony, finally being able to say the words she so long wanted to shout at the world. ''I love him so much. I didn't want to marry like this, but we had to. I've paid for what I've done. I've taken the hit, hundred times. Can't we start over?''

She put a shaking hand on his shoulder, but her father recoiled. Her heart ripped at the seams at the motion. Still, he kept his back to her and with a grumbling voice said, ''I've already offered you my hand once. You belong to your husband. He's the only family you have now.''

With that, he went home, a home that was now closed to her. She was unwelcome.

Blair felt a comforting hand encircle her shoulder and she buried her head into his chest as he led them upstairs. In front of the doors of his apartment, lying on a doormat was a heap of clothes. With a breaking heart, she realized it was her very own wardrobe. Chuck carefully picked it up and placed it inside, on the couch.

As he turned around, as he saw agitated state she was in, Chuck gently brushed a strand of damp hair away from her downcast face. ''Love?''

She raised her head and tears poured out of her with that one word. Blair flung herself into his arms, the only sanctuary she had left. He had smoothly picked her up and carried her to bed, knowing she was exhausted and emotionally drained. His phone vibrated on a table, but he had ignored it, knowing whoever was calling was much less important than her.

Piece by piece, he had undressed her from the same clothes she came into the hospital, clothes that still carried the scent of death. Very gently, he laid her on the bed and, after changing to briefs, situated himself next to her. As if they were magnetic, her head snuggled on his chest, their arms and legs tangling together. Her tears fell onto his white Calvin Klein cotton shirt. Chuck caressed her forearm with the tips of his fingers, gently stroked her hair, did everything to soothe her, to calm her down.

After a while, after her breathing had subsided and tears dried up, she had spoken with yielding resolve. ''I'm fine. Really, I am. I've paid the price of what I've done. Everything may look bad now, but it can't get worse than this. It's all out in the open now, everyone finally knows everything.''

Her deep sigh spread warmly over his skin.

''The worst is behind us,'' she looked up at him, meeting his eyes and something in Chuck cowered under that stare. He hadn't told her about Elle yet. ''It can't get any worse than this.''

''Let's run away,'' she whispered in the dark bedroom and kissed him on the surprised lips before he had time to reply. ''Just for a day or two.''

Before his mind could form a coherent thought, as it always succumbed under power of her spirit, Blair had straddled him. She arched her back, chocolate curls dipping down her back as she flung her shirt away. Her naked presence stood tall and imposing, reminding him of a statue of goddess Nike - glorious in the aftermath of war. Like an approaching wave of a tsunami, she dipped down and took his mouth in hers. All he was able to do is stare in awe and let himself be carried by the current.

* * *

They arrived in the Hamptons sometime the next morning. The best thing about the off-season was the peaceful desolation. Ghost city seemed empty, except for elderly locals. The kids were at private schools, adults were catching sun lazying around on crewed mega-yachts, anchored at Caribbean Islands.

''I like it here,'' Blair commented, marveling in the nearly deserted streets and the distant sound of the crashing waves. Fresh sea air seemed to do her good, thought Chuck as he regarded her. Her mood has improved greatly since last night. Memories of wild, sleepless hours easily made him aroused. ''You can escape and yet still get to see everything pass by from afar.''

''Let's sit there,'' Chuck nodded at nearby café, leading her by the hand. ''This was my favorite place to lounge during summers in high school.''

''How typical,'' she smirked, noticing the ostentatious decor - marble Ionic columns and golden frames around Renaissance pictures. Like a true gentleman, he held the doors open and let her in first. As she entered, Blair felt a smack over her behind.

''That's for your attitude,'' he whispered in her ear as the waiter approached them.

''Welcome back Mr. Bass,'' a man greeted them and Chuck ignored her blushing face that was currently glowering at him.

''Miss,'' the man addressed her, for a moment pausing in confusion.

''Can we get a table?'' Chuck asked impatiently as the staff stared at his wife.

''Yes,'' waiter shook his head, straightening himself and leading them to his usual spot. ''I apologize, right this way.''

''When we get back to Manhattan,'' she started as they sat down on white, plush love seat, putting her hand on top his.

''We'll get our own apartment,'' he finished, squeezing her fingers. It was a topic they had discussed this morning, drinking coffee and watching the sunset together, wrapped in sheets. It happened shortly before they decided to come here. Staying in the building where her family, who had made it clear they didn't want her, resided, was too much pain to bear. Blair still didn't deal with their rejection and possibly never will, but moving away might be the best option for everyone. After all, they were starting fresh. ''Our own home.''

''When we graduate,'' she beamed at him, ecstatic by the days to come, wondering how he would finish this thought for it was a matter they still didn't touch upon.

''We'll open our own club.''

''We're going to work together?'' She arched her brow, thinking all the times they worked on the same project. It was a chaos, but results always seemed to surpass everyone's standard.

''Isn't my wife studying management?''

''I'm this close to losing the scholarship, '' Blair bit her lip as real problems pushed their way into their bubble again, anxiety coiling in her stomach. ''May it be noted, I'll not suffer you ingenious antics just because the club and capital are yours.''

The waiter brought them two caffé lattes and dozen of smoked salmon canapés, bowing in respect. But still, his eyes lingered over Blair.

Oblivious to the attention, though her husband was far from it, she took a bite and chewed in delight, realizing there was no place on earth she would wish to be right now than here, with him. ''Look at us, '' Blair said as elation took her over. ''We're discussing our plans for the future together. This is really happening. I finally feel free, not having so many secrets to weigh me down.''

She kissed him, caressing his cheek, tasting coffee on his smiling lips, remembering the beautiful night they spent together.

''From now, on,'' she smiled back, staring deep into his onyx eyes. ''Everything will only get better.''

At that moment, his phone vibrated on the table and they both took a glance, wondering who was interrupting their precious moment.

''E,'' she read before he ignored the call. ''Who's E?''

''I can't even remember,'' he muttered, turning off iPhone and shoving it into the pocket of his blazer.

''Why didn't you answer?'' Blair asked curiously, setting down her cup. ''You're frowning.''

''You've panicked,'' a Cheshire grin spread across her face as she observed his stunned expression, amused by it. ''All because I asked.''

After he said nothing, after he darkly scowled at something outside the window, Blair merely rolled her eyes in humor. ''Relax. If I was crazy enough to think it's your Camilla Parker - Bowles, I'd give you hell.''

* * *

**A/N**: Don't worry so much, it's Chair. They manage everything ;)

It was my birthday yesterday. Despite having wide range of friends and flourishing love life, I always have the need to spend it alone, in a peaceful country. No grand party, no lavishing presents. It's the way I like it. Anyone as weird as me regarding their birthday rituals?

Soo what did you think of the chapter? Any predictions?


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